Humor is universal, and every country, culture, and community has its own unique quirks that make people laugh. The little phrases, the inside jokes, the slang, sometimes they’re impossible to explain, but always hilarious to witness. That’s exactly why we dove into the Scottish Social Instagram page—to uncover the best bits of Scottish humor and the wonderfully chaotic charm of the Scots. From sharp one-liners to everyday observations, these posts perfectly capture what makes Scottish banter unmatched. Buckle up, because the Scots never fail to deliver a laugh.
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Love British humour, it rivals us Aussies, but we were ( not now) basically all from the United Kingdom 'lineage' one way or the other. Now, look to find one of us!!
Feeling juvenile is fine. Feeling *a* juvenile will have you up before the beak.
Load More Replies...That's nothing , I went to Edinburgh , and couldn't find . . . the Castle . . .
Scotland, home to around 5.5 million people, is a country filled with history, rugged beauty, and endless charm. What many people don’t realize, though, is just how many islands it boasts. In fact, Scotland has around 900 offshore islands, spread across several main groups: Shetland, Orkney, and the Hebrides, which are further divided into the Inner and Outer Hebrides. Even Scotland’s freshwater lochs, like Loch Lomond and Loch Maree, cradle tiny islands of their own, making the country a wonderland of hidden gems waiting to be explored.
You would have thought that a son of 38 would realise that Nessie hitches lifts as it doesn't have a licence to drive. I am a Scot.
Scottish people don't just speak their accent, they apparently write in it too...for some reason.
And then, of course, there’s Loch Ness, perhaps Scotland’s most mysterious and talked-about body of water. Nestled in the Scottish Highlands, this deep freshwater loch stretches for about 23 miles and is said to be home to the legendary Loch Ness Monster, affectionately known as Nessie.
For decades, people from around the world have flocked to its shores, cameras ready, hoping to catch a glimpse of the elusive creature. While scientists have found no solid evidence of Nessie’s existence, her legend continues to thrive, inspiring films, books, and countless local tales that add a touch of magic to Scotland’s wild, misty landscape.
Here’s a fun fact that surprises many: the official national animal of Scotland is the unicorn. Yes, really! Known for its purity, strength, and mythical grace, the unicorn has been a part of Scottish heraldry for centuries, symbolizing the nation’s fierce independence and untamable spirit.
And as if that weren’t whimsical enough, Scotland’s national instrument is the bagpipe, whose haunting melodies can stir emotions like few others can. Whether echoing through castle walls or playing at a modern wedding, bagpipes remain a deeply loved part of Scottish culture, carrying a sound that’s instantly recognizable and proudly unique to the land of tartan and mist.
I'm sorry... Deep fried Mars bar? As in the chocolate? How do you even achieve that? XD
Load More Replies...While that is clearly not true (our penguins are way more clever than that), outside of bird flu seasons we *do* have a penguin parade where they walk through the zoo grounds, and yes, we DO have a penguin with a military rank in the Norwegian army. Major General Sir Nils Olav III is well beloved.
No landmark captures the soul of Scotland quite like Edinburgh Castle, one of the country’s most iconic sites. Dating back to the 12th century, this historic fortress attracts over two million visitors each year, standing proudly atop Castle Rock, an extinct volcanic plug formed more than 340 million years ago. Over the centuries, it has served as a royal residence, military stronghold, and symbol of Scottish endurance.
"Found out I was colour blind the other day, that one came right out of the purple." Hope that helps.
Load More Replies...When it comes to traditional Scottish cuisine, nothing is more iconic than haggis. Often described as the heart of Scottish cooking, haggis is a savory pudding made from minced offal mixed with oats, onions, and spices, all cooked inside a sheep’s stomach.
As National Geographic notes, in 1771, Scottish writer Tobias Smollett referred to it as “a mess of minced lights [lungs], livers, suet, oatmeal, onions and pepper.” Food historian F. Marian McNeill later called it a “super sausage” in The Scots Kitchen (1929), noting that recipes have changed throughout history.
we do when its cost of living. we pay more for the electricity we produce than english folk that invested nothing, yet they get the benefit of our money and labour. so they are english pounds, just like the pounds that caused the clearances, just like the pounds that sent tanks to glasgow, just like the pounds of extra tax that was tested only in scotland. i could go on but those english pounds carry some heavy history behind them
Load More Replies...Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Good one! Slightly disappointed he didn't say "me" tyres. Must be a Scottish Da!
Do 'English' pounds exist these days? Surely its one pound coins. And yes, I am Scottish.
Scotland’s deep connection with history and nature runs through every corner of its land, quite literally in the roots of its ancient trees. The Fortingall Yew, located in Perthshire, is believed to be over 5,000 years old, making it the oldest tree in Europe. And that’s not all. Scotland also made history with the Declaration of Arbroath in 1320, a powerful document that is considered the world’s first written constitution.
Ah Greenock. The epicentre of Scottish education. At least the bloke wasn't trying to sell him some d***s.
Keeps him busy I suppose until he doesn't win any pretty pictures
I wonder when some Scots will master the art of the English language and its spelling.
Did you know that the beloved game of golf has its origins in Scotland? The sport is believed to have started along the eastern coast, near Edinburgh, where early players would use curved sticks to hit pebbles across the sand dunes. However, golf’s growing popularity soon caused a bit of trouble.
In 1457, King James II actually banned the game because it was distracting soldiers from their military training as the country faced threats of invasion. Despite the ban, the Scottish passion for golf couldn’t be contained, and by 1502, King James IV himself became the first royal golfer, giving the sport his seal of approval.
It's truly a pain in the a*s having to pay to withdraw your own money.
After you've blown £700 in 3 days you'll have to stretch your remaining £1.45 for the next 4 weeks — that's simple microeconomics.
If there’s one thing Scotland is globally famous for, beyond its castles and kilts, it’s whisky. Known in Gaelic as “uisge beatha”, meaning “water of life,” whisky has been crafted in Scotland for centuries with skill and passion. The country is home to over 130 distilleries, the highest concentration of whisky producers in the world. Each region, from the smoky, peaty Islay malts to the smooth and honeyed Speyside drams, has its own unique flavor profile.
friendly warning. do nt eat a family size pack o the dark choc biccies in wan go, ye'll get the skitter
American here. Milk chocolate Digestives are absolutely amazing, but "Digestives" is the single weirdest name for a food I've ever heard of. It sounds like their slogan should "Passes without injury!"
they were developed to aid digestion when our diets were poor. they have a lot of vitamins and minerals between the ingredients
Load More Replies...Scotland truly sounds like such an incredible place — full of charm, history, and that unmistakable Scottish wit! From mythical monsters to bagpipes and haggis, the Scots definitely know how to make life interesting. And honestly, these posts prove just how sharp (and hilarious) their sense of humor really is. Which one of these made you laugh the most? Let us know in the comments, and don’t forget to share this with a friend who loves a good laugh (or just needs a dose of Scottish humor in their day)!
Minecraft movie more like it. we already have Minecraft spin offs and the whole point is its cubes.
Load More Replies...I'm right handed & managed to badly jam my right middle finger, so I got it taped to help the pain. I didn't want to get it wet so I thought, why not brush my teeth with my left hand, how hard could it be?? After I shoved my toothbrush up my nose twice, I concluded that it was worth getting the taping wet.
Left-hand drive here too, no, no not left foot anything..the brake eeeee
Yup, with a pint included in that as well. Though him saying he's in awe of them is a compliment, just to be clear ☺️
Load More Replies...No, that's chips. That's the paper they wrap the chips in.
Load More Replies...Yes that was David Tua the pro boxer. Not sure who put him on a spelling contest but its an unofficial code between kiwis " o for awesome bro"...
Load More Replies...Yeah all our posties are all happy chatty morning people that wear shorts in December
Out of all these posts, that’s the grammatical error you noticed. Lmfao
Load More Replies...Naughty, naughty, she might forget..to open the epipen I mean, then you would be in some tricky moments before you meet yer maker
Ah Humza, the gift for comedians that kept on giving. He was a complete tosspot ( and no doubt still is)
We have them all under Sydney..lots of roads and special driverless trains in the underground systems. Used by thousands daily. Quick rides, no traffic
REALLY in Scotland? Hot?..Hey there take a break and come on out to Australia, it is just warming up for a doozy, hot, really hot, hot weather
I'm in Victoria, freezing because it's 13 max, yearning for it to become proper November weather!
Load More Replies...Ireland the same, even right now in NOVEMBER 🤯 it's 17 degrees and I'm melting in my raincoat
Must have swapped with Australia. It's meant to be spring, but I still have to use an electric blanket overnight. 13 degrees today. (17 is still cold for me lol)
Load More Replies...Fish and chips, with curry, chow mein and rice. All available from many Chinese chippies in various parts of the UK.
Load More Replies...To me, I would run away from this junk stuff because it looks so awful
Growing up in the southern states, I heard meejim a lot. Does that mean we're kin?
Actually, yes. North Carolina is full of Scottish. They even have the Highlands Games where Flora McDonald was imprisoned and Bonnie Prince Charles rescued her. I used to manage the house they lived on in Skye.
Load More Replies...Scraping some off to add to pasta for dinner with some mayo and sweetcorn, 2 quid cheap lunch/dinner
It annoys me when people don't thank the driver when getting off the bus.
You always say "bye" or "thanks" to the bus driver! And if it's one of the new buses with the exit further back, you shout it lout enough for the driver to hear! That's just good manners!
My late hubby from Hull always thanked the bus driver with "cheers! Drive' ".
Load More Replies...I used to live there! I'll tell you what goes on on Sundays.... NOTHING.
Tell me it is magic and long walks on the edge of windy cliffs and no one around to ...
Dang, I wish I was from Scotland. I would talk all day just to hear myself speak.
Normally I read out the funny ones to Mr Auntriarch, but these were all funny so I'm just handing my phone over.
Dang, I wish I was from Scotland. I would talk all day just to hear myself speak.
Normally I read out the funny ones to Mr Auntriarch, but these were all funny so I'm just handing my phone over.
