There's a guy who rides a motorized bicycle through my neighborhood dressed like a circus ringmaster. It has been going on for 6 weeks now.

Not a motorcycle or a moped, a bicycle with pedals with a 2-stroke engine attached. Goes around 29 mph? It is loud. I can hear him coming for a few minutes, so at least 2 miles of sound carry.

Black tailcoat. Top hat. Puffy white shirt. Scarlet vest. Maroon and gold vertically striped slacks. One time I saw him check the time on a gold pocket watch. Another he puffed on a corn cob pipe.

Every morning at 7:15 he is headed north, every night at 9:45 south. 7 days a week.

I think, "where is he going dressed like that with such punctuality?" "Surely nowhere around here would allow him to dress like that, and he has no backpack, pannier, or other means of transporting a wardrobe change." "He must work 3rd shift, south of town from 10-7, that's 8 hours and an hour lunch." "But 7 days a week?"

I tried following him at night, because I assumed he was heading to work, and following him home would have been creepier than the already super creepy following to work. I had to do it in a car because like I said, he can book it on that motorized bike. I lost him in 2 turns. He runs stop signs, I don't.

The next night I was waiting in my car ready to go. I had 'The more you ignore me the closer I get' by Morrissey cued up. He was late. Super late. Rounding 10PM now. Then I see his flashy white headlight. He must have ran out of gas; he is pedalling, but I was so amped i tried anyways. He was moving at around 6 or 7 mph. I couldn't stay behind him, but I know my every route in, out, and through my neighborhood, I've lived here for 21 years and run 3x a week, so I'm like an atlas of this block. I lost him at around 5 turns. To be fair he saw me about 8 times, he may have gotten scared I was stalking him, probably because I was.

But last night, oh last night, I followed him the whole time. He was back to motor power, and ran every stop sign and red light on the way. I was catching up to him slowly at 30, so that's why i assume he is going 29. He can't lose me now. I have his scent. This is it. I will finally know. After 6 weeks closure.

Anyways he works at Walmart.