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The idea of being excluded is so hostile to our psychology, that humans invented the concept of “exile” as a punishment to ward off certain behavior. So learning that one’s family is regularly having events that specifically don’t include you can be frustrating.
A man asked the internet if he was wrong to ask his all female family to stop having “girls days” because it meant he was excluded from birthdays and even family trips. However, when confronted, his family seemingly refused to see his side. Later, he shared a sizable update about the fallout of him making this post.
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Most people are smart enough to not object to “girls days”
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (Not the actual photo)
But one man realized that his all-female family was just having events without him
Image credits: alexandrumusuc (Not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwaway022411111
People want to feel like they are included
Family exclusion often feels more painful than outright conflict, and that’s because humans are hardwired to seek belonging within their closest social groups. Research on social rejection shows that our brains process exclusion using some of the same neural pathways as physical pain, which explains why being systematically left out of family gatherings can genuinely hurt rather than simply disappoint. When a family develops traditions or rituals that explicitly exclude one member based on an immutable characteristic, whether that’s gender, age, or any other factor, it creates a fundamental question about what family membership actually means and whether love and inclusion come with conditions.
The tension between individual autonomy and collective consideration creates fascinating dynamics in families. On one hand, adults absolutely have the right to choose their social activities and travel companions, and women’s spaces serve important purposes for bonding, support, and shared experiences. Studies on gender-segregated social groups indicate they can provide valuable opportunities for connection and understanding that mixed-gender groups sometimes don’t facilitate. On the other hand, family systems theory suggests that when families develop patterns that consistently marginalize one member, it affects the entire system’s health and everyone’s sense of security within it. The issue isn’t really about any single girls’ weekend or even a vacation, it’s about whether exclusion has become the organizing principle of family life.
What makes this particularly complex is the intersection of gender dynamics with family structure. In families where one gender vastly outnumbers another, the minority member can experience a unique form of isolation that others may not recognize because they’re always surrounded by people who share their experience. The women of the family might genuinely not perceive exclusion as harmful because from their perspective, they’re simply enjoying time together, it’s only when you’re the one person on the outside that the pattern becomes visible and painful. This mirrors research on minority stress in other contexts, where being the statistical outlier in any group creates psychological strain that the majority doesn’t experience or always understand.
Image credits: Kindel Media (Not the actual photo)
Having one’s feelings dismissed tends to cause more issues than it solves
Birthday celebrations and family vacations carry enormous symbolic weight because they represent one of our culture’s most recognized expressions of belonging and priority. When someone is excluded from these milestone events, the message received is often about their fundamental value to the group rather than just about that specific occasion. The response of “just drop the gift off” actually compounds the hurt because it acknowledges the person’s desire to participate while simultaneously dismissing it as unimportant. This kind of dismissal is what psychologists call invalidation, and studies show it’s more damaging to relationships than outright disagreement because it suggests the other person’s feelings don’t merit serious consideration.
The accusation of immaturity for withdrawing is particularly ironic because setting boundaries when feeling hurt is actually a sign of emotional awareness, not childishness. Research on relationship boundaries indicates that temporarily creating distance from painful situations allows people to process emotions and decide how they want to engage going forward, it’s actually quite mature. The alternative would be either suffering in silence or maintaining constant conflict, neither of which benefits anyone. What often happens in families is that the person who disrupts an uncomfortable status quo by naming a problem or changing their behavior gets labeled as the troublemaker, even when they’re responding to an existing issue that others have chosen not to address.
The fundamental question any family has to grapple with is whether inclusion is a baseline expectation or something that can be selectively applied based on convenience and preference. Both positions have some validity, families aren’t obligated to do everything together, and adults need separate friendships and experiences. Finding the balance between honoring everyone’s need for chosen social experiences and maintaining inclusive family traditions requires the kind of honest conversation where all feelings are taken seriously, not just dismissed as someone being oversensitive or self-centered.
Image credits: Matheus Bertelli (Not the actual photo)
He answered some reader questions in the comments
Many people saw his point of view
Image credits: hryshchyshen (Not the actual photo)
He shared what happened next
Image credits: freepik (Not the actual photo)
Image credits: drobotdean (Not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwaway022411111
Some readers expressed their sympathies
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What do you think ?
sturmwesen 10 hours ago
The issue is not they do girls only days, but they dropped every other family activity. It's not like you couldn't mix it up
FreeTheUnicorn 10 hours ago (edited)
If you're the only non-characteristc and everyone is intent on characteristic-only events, they aren't celebrating sisterhood, they don't like you showing up to events and this is the best way they know to handle it They are having women only events with the purpose of excluding OP. My partner is from a different culture than me, if they started having culture only vacations and culture only parties to celebrate birthdays, the message would be clear OP needs to accept they want lower contact.
Mike F 2 hours ago
But they pushed back when he characterized it for what it is/was. Is sounds as though they started a fun night affair that morphed into a "girls club" and they are upset about it being brought out. If the situation were reversed, there would be no end to caterwauling. IMO he's absolutely right in stepping back and distancing himself from the cabal and persuing his own interests, while excluding those who feel like it's OK to continue barring OP. He doesn't need to make a show of it, just disengage.
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Fluffyllama30 6 hours ago (edited)
What horrible people. I wonder if he reminds mom/sisters of dad. Edit: I find it odd ALL of them our single and it mentions friends too...like wth
Vinnie 4 hours ago
They might be making him (and other men) pay for the world inflicting a lousy father/husband on them. Totally unfair and misandrist.
Load More Replies... sturmwesen 10 hours ago
The issue is not they do girls only days, but they dropped every other family activity. It's not like you couldn't mix it up
FreeTheUnicorn 10 hours ago (edited)
If you're the only non-characteristc and everyone is intent on characteristic-only events, they aren't celebrating sisterhood, they don't like you showing up to events and this is the best way they know to handle it They are having women only events with the purpose of excluding OP. My partner is from a different culture than me, if they started having culture only vacations and culture only parties to celebrate birthdays, the message would be clear OP needs to accept they want lower contact.
Mike F 2 hours ago
But they pushed back when he characterized it for what it is/was. Is sounds as though they started a fun night affair that morphed into a "girls club" and they are upset about it being brought out. If the situation were reversed, there would be no end to caterwauling. IMO he's absolutely right in stepping back and distancing himself from the cabal and persuing his own interests, while excluding those who feel like it's OK to continue barring OP. He doesn't need to make a show of it, just disengage.
Load More Replies... Fluffyllama30 6 hours ago (edited)
What horrible people. I wonder if he reminds mom/sisters of dad. Edit: I find it odd ALL of them our single and it mentions friends too...like wth
Vinnie 4 hours ago
They might be making him (and other men) pay for the world inflicting a lousy father/husband on them. Totally unfair and misandrist.
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