Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Woman’s Sick Of Being Default Caregiver For Bro, Tells Folks She’s Done And Walks Out Of Fam Dinner
Let’s be real: you’re pretty much expected to go the extra mile for family, but there have got to be some limits, or you’ll soon find yourself being taken advantage of. That only leads to resentment, and possibly a full-blown family feud. Nobody needs that noise.
One woman turned to an online community to vent after she spent the last three years bending over backwards to take care of her autistic brother while her folks didn’t lift a finger. When she put her foot down, though, things went south fast.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
You’re basically expected to put family first but, without boundaries in place, things can get complicated fast
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One woman moved back home to take care of her autistic brother, not expecting to be saddled with full-time caregiver duty
Image credits: ibrakovic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She’s made all kind of sacrifices to make sure her brother gets the kind of care he needs, but her parents have barely lifted a finger to help
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When she finally pushed back, though, her parents accused her of being selfish and her aunt even sent her text that was basically a shameless guilt-trip
Image credits: talkinapa / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Crushed under the weight of being on call 24/7, the woman realized she was headed for a complete burnout
Image credits: PinkNebulaHarbor
Things finally blew up at a family dinner, leading to her walking out, so now she’s turned to netizens to ask whether reclaiming just a tiny piece of her life was a jerk move
When the original poster (OP) moved back to her hometown, she imagined helping her autistic younger brother “for a little while.” Instead, she became his full-time crisis manager, chauffeur, emotional anchor, and general fixer of anything life threw at him. Her parents, overwhelmed, unsure, and in their sixties, leaned on her for every emergency, big, small, and sometimes barely real.
Three years later, OP was burning out fast. Balancing a full-time job, online classes, and a relationship, all while being on 24/7 standby left her exhausted. The breaking point came when her mom asked her to take her brother to urgent care for a sore throat… on a day when she could barely drag herself home. For OP, saying no wasn’t rebellion, it was a survival tactic.
Her parents, however, didn’t see it that way. They grew cold, relatives chimed in with guilt trips, and a tense family dinner reached boiling point when her mom openly implied she was selfish. For the first time ever, OP firmly said she couldn’t be the only adult stepping up, and that setting boundaries wasn’t a luxury, it was long overdue self-preservation. Then she got up and walked out before dessert even hit the table.
Leaving the dinner sparked drama, silence, and even more accusations, but her brother quietly supported her. Now she’s left wondering if finally protecting her mental health makes her the villain, or if this was simply the moment she stopped drowning to keep everyone else’s heads above water.
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
To be honest, OP’s parents sound like entitled jerks who refuse to even try to pull their weight when it comes to what should really be a team effort. OP’s attempt at creating some reasonable limits went down in flames, so how can she put an end to the relentless guilt trips her family keeps trying to send her on? We went searching for solutions.
The pros over at PsychCentral say signs of a guilt-tripping parent include passive-aggressive behavior, giving you the silent treatment, reminding you of your past mistakes, recalling all the things they’ve done for you, disagreeing with most (if not all) of your decisions, and becoming emotionally distant. Pretty much ticks every box on OP’s parents’ list, right?
Writing for VeryWellMind, Kendra Cherry suggests a few ways you can shut down a parental guilt trip in its tracks, like responding with genuine empathy, telling them honestly how their attempt at manipulation makes you feel, and clearly explaining your limits, as well as the consequences they’ll face if they keep trampling all over them.
We’d say OP is already halfway there. By walking out of the dinner, she drew a line in the sand that surely can’t be ignored. Here’s hoping she’ll take netizens’ advice to heart and claw back the kind of life she can actually enjoy again. We’re pretty sure her brother will understand.
What’s your take? Is OP being unreasonable, or is it time her parents get a badly needed reality check? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
In the comments, readers all agreed that the woman was not the jerk in the whole mess and slammed her parents for being such slackers when it came to helping out
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
Kate Johnson 1 day ago
YES! Auntie is so worried about it, she should step right up to help.
Load More Replies...
sweet emotion 2 days ago
What OP needs to do is get out of that "group chat" nonsense and let them all talk behind her back - because they will stop when they realize she isn't reading their criticisms. She was right to tell her brother he could contact her if HE needed something, and now she needs to tell mom and dad that the interfering aunt can step up for "family" assistance. Letting a few calls go to voicemail and ignoring text messages would help, too.
Kate Johnson 1 day ago
Absolutely. Give them no airspace. I'd quit talking to mom altogether for awhile and tell bro to contact me directly.
Load More Replies...
Zoe Vokes 1 day ago
I don’t think he does, just for mum and dad to be willing to help look after Liam’s needs when they arise rather than depending on OP for everything.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 2 days ago
Build/keep the relationship with the brother and take a long break from the rest of them. When emotionally manipulative parents stop getting the results they want, they just go harder. Keep distance if they start being nice consider rapprochement, but be ready to step back again because they will go back to their old ways at least once, but maybe perpetually. They are probably scared about the future or their own s**t but they are adults and when they can ask for the appropriate help in the appropriate way, that's when you should step in.
Janelle Collard 1 day ago
Sounds like parents are setting up OP to be bro's full-time care-giver when they pass.
J R 1 day ago
NTA. Sounds like everyone but OP and Liam are a******s. They made OP into a caregiver and now are trying to guilt trip her for taking care of herself. Her situation is the reality that people who romanticize the days where everything a person needed was taken care of by family and no one had to hire nurses. It meant someone had to live their life for another with little to no part of it for themselves. Usually it was a woman, and I feel like the comment about other sisters would feel lucky is meant to hint that because OP is a woman, she should be the default caretaker for her brother. Thankfully, Liam doesn't seem to feel like that. I am so sorry he got caught up in all of that. But OP needs to take time for herself and reduce or cut contact with her parents. If she's willing/feels able to, maybe she can look into social supports for Liam. Quite frankly, I'm worried about him, too. A lot of disabled people are stuck w/a*****e family because they can't be independent.
Emilu 20 hours ago
OP is NTA, but I feel for Liam too. The fact that he was described by OP as high-functioning, and he was reacting to everyone discussing his care by 'looking smaller and smaller' implies to me that he has a good idea of what's going on and probably finds the whole thing incredibly humiliating, considering as he's 'high functioning' he surely wouldn't require 24/7 assistance? Besides, he has a perfectly capable aunt that's obviously willing to contribute. /s
Marnie 17 hours ago
OP did not mention his having an intellectual disability, so he was as aware of what was happening as you or I (who am also autistic) would be. Well, being younger and autistic, he might be a little lost on how all the emotions play into all of it, but most of it would not be lost on him.
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 1 day ago
The parents really are not stepping up here. This is their child and they've clearly made no real arrangements for his future.
Kari Lynn 20 hours ago
Wow, OP's parents have weaponized guilt. They were "forced" to take their son to ER, because their daughter wasn't available. They would rather have relaxed at home instead? There is an F word, followed by the word "them", that fits into my personal opinion of the parents. The OP needs to run away, cut off contact temporarily, and absolve themselves of any guilt. Come back home another year, after they've been successful in their own right.
Kate Johnson 1 day ago
YES! Auntie is so worried about it, she should step right up to help.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 2 days ago
What OP needs to do is get out of that "group chat" nonsense and let them all talk behind her back - because they will stop when they realize she isn't reading their criticisms. She was right to tell her brother he could contact her if HE needed something, and now she needs to tell mom and dad that the interfering aunt can step up for "family" assistance. Letting a few calls go to voicemail and ignoring text messages would help, too.
Kate Johnson 1 day ago
Absolutely. Give them no airspace. I'd quit talking to mom altogether for awhile and tell bro to contact me directly.
Load More Replies... Zoe Vokes 1 day ago
I don’t think he does, just for mum and dad to be willing to help look after Liam’s needs when they arise rather than depending on OP for everything.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 2 days ago
Build/keep the relationship with the brother and take a long break from the rest of them. When emotionally manipulative parents stop getting the results they want, they just go harder. Keep distance if they start being nice consider rapprochement, but be ready to step back again because they will go back to their old ways at least once, but maybe perpetually. They are probably scared about the future or their own s**t but they are adults and when they can ask for the appropriate help in the appropriate way, that's when you should step in.
Janelle Collard 1 day ago
Sounds like parents are setting up OP to be bro's full-time care-giver when they pass.
J R 1 day ago
NTA. Sounds like everyone but OP and Liam are a******s. They made OP into a caregiver and now are trying to guilt trip her for taking care of herself. Her situation is the reality that people who romanticize the days where everything a person needed was taken care of by family and no one had to hire nurses. It meant someone had to live their life for another with little to no part of it for themselves. Usually it was a woman, and I feel like the comment about other sisters would feel lucky is meant to hint that because OP is a woman, she should be the default caretaker for her brother. Thankfully, Liam doesn't seem to feel like that. I am so sorry he got caught up in all of that. But OP needs to take time for herself and reduce or cut contact with her parents. If she's willing/feels able to, maybe she can look into social supports for Liam. Quite frankly, I'm worried about him, too. A lot of disabled people are stuck w/a*****e family because they can't be independent.
Emilu 20 hours ago
OP is NTA, but I feel for Liam too. The fact that he was described by OP as high-functioning, and he was reacting to everyone discussing his care by 'looking smaller and smaller' implies to me that he has a good idea of what's going on and probably finds the whole thing incredibly humiliating, considering as he's 'high functioning' he surely wouldn't require 24/7 assistance? Besides, he has a perfectly capable aunt that's obviously willing to contribute. /s
Marnie 17 hours ago
OP did not mention his having an intellectual disability, so he was as aware of what was happening as you or I (who am also autistic) would be. Well, being younger and autistic, he might be a little lost on how all the emotions play into all of it, but most of it would not be lost on him.
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 1 day ago
The parents really are not stepping up here. This is their child and they've clearly made no real arrangements for his future.
Kari Lynn 20 hours ago
Wow, OP's parents have weaponized guilt. They were "forced" to take their son to ER, because their daughter wasn't available. They would rather have relaxed at home instead? There is an F word, followed by the word "them", that fits into my personal opinion of the parents. The OP needs to run away, cut off contact temporarily, and absolve themselves of any guilt. Come back home another year, after they've been successful in their own right.
You May Like Man Expects Sympathy After Wife Bans All His Guests, Gets A Brutal Reality Check Instead Parents Spark Family Drama By Expecting Couple To Take In Disabled Bro, They’re Completely Horrified Woman Excludes Her Daughter-In-Law For Years Then Acts Surprised When She Goes No-Contact
Shelly Fourer
Monika Pašukonytė
Mindaugas Balčiauskas
Related on Bored Panda
42
16