I used my kid’s bathroom because my wife was in ours. The toilet paper was on the roll backwards. I asked them which kid did it, they responded it didn’t really matter which way it’s on the roll. I recoiled in horror.

I feel typing it out is therapy.

I have eight dogs.

Not a typo. I didn't do it on purpose. It just kinda... happened. People leave a dog with you and never come back and then the 'what's one more at this point?' ideology hits and suddenly, you think maybe you should file some paperwork and just become a shelter, but you know you won't adopt any out so you're just stuck with a pack of dogs.

Anyway.

Let's discuss Dog Politics in a pack of eight very different dogs.

I have a mini pack within the pack, of my four weens - Chicken Nugget (the queen alpha of the ween pack), Kimchi (her daughter and second in command), Gus Gus ( an inbred ween who only has one functioning eye and brain cell), and Taco Bell (has all his braincells but only uses them for evil and narcissistic purposes).

The larger Pack consists of Sadie (a mixture of all the big dogs you can think of and is often mistaken for a pony), Max (a dutch Shepard - which is just a nice way of saying a really dumb German Shepard), Puppy (her government name is Charlie but it never stuck - Australian sheep dog) and Django - the Dog Who Started it All. He's a chiweenie, but mostly just a medium sized sausage with tiny legs and the sweetest heart you ever met.

Are you still reading this? Why?!

Anyway, when they're all in the same room (whichever room I'm in) Sadie is in charge. She basically raised all of them except Max and Django. She's about two years past her expiration date, though, so Chicken polices when Sadie is too tired.

As it gets colder outside, the true drama surrounds heat. I'm not a very big woman, and so not all of them can be on me at once.

Thus they play Queen of the Mountain.

I am the mountain. Obviously.

If I am in a seated position, it is a full half hour of inner fighting before they all settle into the same spot they've settled into for years. I don't know why we do this several times a day, but we do.

Hope you have a great day and thanks for reading. Unless you voted for Trump. Then have the day you voted for.

CACAW.