tmw
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tmw • upvoted an item 20 hours ago
tmw • upvoted 2 items 1 day ago
tmw • upvoted 21 items 2 days ago
Bennington_Booyah reply
Cigarettes and deodorant, from my gross grandfather's drunken girlfriend. When I opened it, she winked and said she knew I smoked. I was EIGHT.finzaz reply
Not a gift to me, but I still don’t understand what we did so wrong to the person that they gave my 5 year old daughter a karaoke machine.Human-Magic-Marker reply
I had to tell an acquaintance/friend that his 15 year old son was sending me highly inappropriate (and illegal) texts. I’m a 41 year old man.sufishams reply
In the cinema. I interlocked my fingers with the kid sitting beside me for a full minute. Turns out, he wasn't my kid.Jumpy-Purple7593 reply
When i was a kid, we were on holiday and decided to go to a church. While we were there i decided that i would be funny if i would slap my dad's a*s with both hands. So i ran in full speed to maximize the impact of the slap. I ended up slapping a stranger who also happend to walk next to a woman with a stroller in his hands which made me think it was my dad. It was even worse that my parents saw it as well.Newfie-Girl1989 reply
We were getting internet installed when I moved to the town I live in. I was 16 at the time. I had surgery the day before and was bleeding slightly off and on and kept a hand in my pants to prevent the material from sticking to my wound. Anyway I thought the internet maintenance guy had left. I went to the living room and turned on the tv. It immediately was on some kids show. He walked back into the room and saw me with my hands in my pants. In his view it could only possibly look like I was touching myself to kids shows. The silence was horrible as he slowly crept back out of the room.Cute-as-Duck21 reply
A few years ago I went on a weekend girls trip with a friend. Her marriage was rocky and she needed to get away. Her husband dropped us off at the airport and picked us up after the trip, and we chatted casually in the car on the way back to their house. Everything seemed normal. Unbeknownst to me, he had specifically told her that if she went on this trip, he would leave her. Midway through the drive he told her he had a group of people at their house for her "intervention," and that her car was already packed with her belongings and to get out. (I don't think he knows what an intervention is, but whatevs.) So now I'm stuck in the backseat watching their marriage dissolve. We get to their house and people are standing on the front porch observing. The couple starts arguing in the driveway and I just wanted to leave so badly, but I needed my suitcase from the trunk. I had to interrupt them to ask him to open the trunk. And then my car was blocked in by the vehicles from the "intervention team," so I had to interrupt again to ask how I could get out. It was so, so awkward.The_Intel_Guy reply
At my nans house I used to sleep in her bedroom on a sofa bed, there was a curtain separating my section of room from hers. When I was 14 and staying there for some time, I came upstairs to bed one evening after playing xbox, and got into bed. I then hear the unmistakable sounds of them boning and dirty talking eachother. They hadn't heard me come up so I had the awful decision to make, either sit through this absolute pain for however long it lasted, or try and sneak across the incredibly creaky floorboards back downstairs without letting them know I overheard them. Somehow (God was with me that day) I managed to sneak back downstairs, played some more xbox for a couple hours while contemplating my mental scarring, then went back to bed.proxproxy reply
Alright everyone buckle up. Years ago my editor assigned me to do a story: an old civilian air command guy had died and his kids were going to spread his ashes from a plane over the lake where he helped find a downed aircraft decades ago. Nice local human interest piece. Two kids: son and daughter, both adults. The whole flight aspect was organized by a local, well-meaning family friend, let’s call him Jeff. I drive to the tiny regional airport, walk to the tarmac and the son is there already. We shoot the s**t with the pilot and the son and Jeff when the daughter arrives. She’s extremely obese. The pilot and I realize we have a major problem. The pilot and Jeff and the son talk, then the son goes over to talk to his sister. The wailing that came out of this woman, when told she couldn’t scatter her dad’s ashes because she was too fat, is burned into my brain. It was biblical. This woman was shrieking and sobbing and we could do nothing but watch as she collapsed on the runway and had a complete meltdown. I blame Jeff for not thinking ahead.iroze reply
Not me but a friend who worked in tech support. A client complains that, whenever the phone on her desk rings, weird character strings appear on her screen. He goes over there, she uses a basic landline and a word processor, no connection between the two. Then, while he is there, her phone rings. She reaches over to it, leaning her huge bosom over the keyboard and of course, a string of characters begins to populate the word processor window. He had to explain it to her.Show All 21 Upvotes
tmw • upvoted 3 items 3 days ago
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tmw • upvoted 7 items 4 days ago
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tmw • upvoted 20 items 14 hours ago
finzaz reply
Not a gift to me, but I still don’t understand what we did so wrong to the person that they gave my 5 year old daughter a karaoke machine.Bennington_Booyah reply
Cigarettes and deodorant, from my gross grandfather's drunken girlfriend. When I opened it, she winked and said she knew I smoked. I was EIGHT. Fails, Funny
“It Was Biblical”: 35 Horrible Experiences People Have Gone Through That Still Make Them Cringe
Cute-as-Duck21 reply
A few years ago I went on a weekend girls trip with a friend. Her marriage was rocky and she needed to get away. Her husband dropped us off at the airport and picked us up after the trip, and we chatted casually in the car on the way back to their house. Everything seemed normal. Unbeknownst to me, he had specifically told her that if she went on this trip, he would leave her. Midway through the drive he told her he had a group of people at their house for her "intervention," and that her car was already packed with her belongings and to get out. (I don't think he knows what an intervention is, but whatevs.) So now I'm stuck in the backseat watching their marriage dissolve. We get to their house and people are standing on the front porch observing. The couple starts arguing in the driveway and I just wanted to leave so badly, but I needed my suitcase from the trunk. I had to interrupt them to ask him to open the trunk. And then my car was blocked in by the vehicles from the "intervention team," so I had to interrupt again to ask how I could get out. It was so, so awkward.Newfie-Girl1989 reply
We were getting internet installed when I moved to the town I live in. I was 16 at the time. I had surgery the day before and was bleeding slightly off and on and kept a hand in my pants to prevent the material from sticking to my wound. Anyway I thought the internet maintenance guy had left. I went to the living room and turned on the tv. It immediately was on some kids show. He walked back into the room and saw me with my hands in my pants. In his view it could only possibly look like I was touching myself to kids shows. The silence was horrible as he slowly crept back out of the room.Jumpy-Purple7593 reply
When i was a kid, we were on holiday and decided to go to a church. While we were there i decided that i would be funny if i would slap my dad's a*s with both hands. So i ran in full speed to maximize the impact of the slap. I ended up slapping a stranger who also happend to walk next to a woman with a stroller in his hands which made me think it was my dad. It was even worse that my parents saw it as well.Human-Magic-Marker reply
I had to tell an acquaintance/friend that his 15 year old son was sending me highly inappropriate (and illegal) texts. I’m a 41 year old man.proxproxy reply
Alright everyone buckle up. Years ago my editor assigned me to do a story: an old civilian air command guy had died and his kids were going to spread his ashes from a plane over the lake where he helped find a downed aircraft decades ago. Nice local human interest piece. Two kids: son and daughter, both adults. The whole flight aspect was organized by a local, well-meaning family friend, let’s call him Jeff. I drive to the tiny regional airport, walk to the tarmac and the son is there already. We shoot the s**t with the pilot and the son and Jeff when the daughter arrives. She’s extremely obese. The pilot and I realize we have a major problem. The pilot and Jeff and the son talk, then the son goes over to talk to his sister. The wailing that came out of this woman, when told she couldn’t scatter her dad’s ashes because she was too fat, is burned into my brain. It was biblical. This woman was shrieking and sobbing and we could do nothing but watch as she collapsed on the runway and had a complete meltdown. I blame Jeff for not thinking ahead.sufishams reply
In the cinema. I interlocked my fingers with the kid sitting beside me for a full minute. Turns out, he wasn't my kid.iroze reply
Not me but a friend who worked in tech support. A client complains that, whenever the phone on her desk rings, weird character strings appear on her screen. He goes over there, she uses a basic landline and a word processor, no connection between the two. Then, while he is there, her phone rings. She reaches over to it, leaning her huge bosom over the keyboard and of course, a string of characters begins to populate the word processor window. He had to explain it to her.The_Intel_Guy reply
At my nans house I used to sleep in her bedroom on a sofa bed, there was a curtain separating my section of room from hers. When I was 14 and staying there for some time, I came upstairs to bed one evening after playing xbox, and got into bed. I then hear the unmistakable sounds of them boning and dirty talking eachother. They hadn't heard me come up so I had the awful decision to make, either sit through this absolute pain for however long it lasted, or try and sneak across the incredibly creaky floorboards back downstairs without letting them know I overheard them. Somehow (God was with me that day) I managed to sneak back downstairs, played some more xbox for a couple hours while contemplating my mental scarring, then went back to bed.This Panda hasn't followed anyone yet
tmw • 75 followers