Deciding whether or not to have children is one of life’s biggest decisions. And rightly so, because such a seemingly small addition to the family changes a lot. Suddenly, your identity switches to that of a parent, your responsibilities multiply, and you find out the hard way that babies don’t have kneecaps.
Not wanting such a life for themselves, some people decide not to have children at all. And that’s fine, too. Others are just curious about what their day-to-day looks like without little ones running around all the time.
One of them was redditor NetworkOver7742, who was so intrigued that they even started an online discussion about it. And child-free couples had a lot to say, with almost 4K of them sharing their experiences. Below, you’ll find the most popular ones that will give you an insightful look into what it’s really like to not have children.
While you're at it make sure to check out a conversation with author and astrocartographer Helena Woods who chose to be kid-free and shares her experience online.
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Image credits: NetworkOver7742
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Zero regrets. Travel, fun, work, friends, fun hobbies, lots of money I didn't have to spend on kids. And to those who say who's going to take care of you when you're old: I find it disgusting that you had kids expecting them to waste their lives taking care of you.
Same here. If I had kids I would refuse them taking care of my old bones. Parents get old and in need of care when their children are in the middle of their own lives they have a right to lead as they want to.
Thank goodness we don't have any. Life is hard as hell. We'd probably be homeless now if we had the extra financial burden of children.
Some of us don't end up rolling on piles of money. Some of us are just celebrating that we're not financially underwater as we would have been if kids were in the picture.
As I sit here in silence drinking my coffee w/ baileys & enjoying my wake & bake as I look off into the quiet snowy morning I must admit— Wait. Is that a goose? I’m off to follow it & see where the day takes me…
There are many reasons why people voluntarily choose not to have babies of their own. An article by The Upshot revealed that the main ones were the need for more free time, finding a partner, and not being able to afford childcare. Some couples don’t have the desire to have kids at all and would rather focus on their careers and spend time traveling.
Bored Panda reached out to Helena Woods, who kindly agreed to share about her child-free experience. She told us that it wasn't something she had doubts about.
"It’s never been hard for me to make this decision to be child-free. I’ve always known. And when you have that intuitive, knowing feeling in your gut, it’s not something you have to sift and sort through your mind. I’ve always loved children but knew I came here to live a different lifestyle and pursue different things."
23 year old chiming in to say it's very relieving and validating to read all your responses. I don't want children and never have, but I'm at that age where everyone swears I'm gonna change my mind and it's frustrating. You're all living proof I can, and will, be happy without children.
I said I wanted a family not children. I didn't meet my person until quite late, we did have a kid and he is wonderful. However, I had friends who didn't even understand that concept, and in my mid-late 30s pushed me so much. I have at least 3 very close friends who never wanted children, now in our mid 40s they still don't and have no regrets. Everyone's different, and their different opinions on this should be respected.
55 here. Not for a microsecond do I regret not having children.
I am happily married with a healthy, frequent sex life. (Married 25+ years, first-and-only husband.)
We're comfortable with dual incomes. We live in a house we love in a place we love. We have time and funds for hobbies. We have great family and friends. And dogs. And cats. And horses.
Nah, I don't regret it AT ALL.
No regrets here, we are enjoying the flexibility and free time. The only issue we have is finding more people to hang out with as everyone seems to be too tired/busy because they have children.
The hardest part for her is receiving judgment from strangers and even her loved ones. "I’ve been happily married for 6 years, with him for 9, and we’ve both known we didn’t want kids since we first started dating. To this day, I’m still pressured by my mother to give her grandchildren, even though I’ve firmly set boundaries and communicated that I don’t want to be a parent. She doesn’t let it go."
She tells us that uncomfortable situations where strangers feel like they deserve an explanation of why she doesn't want to become a parent happen too often.
"If I eat pizza, strangers look at my belly and ask me when I’m expecting. As a woman, you can’t escape the constant questioning. It’s as if people don’t realize we each have our own intuition to listen to, and our own unique path in life. Not everyone is meant to be a parent and not everyone wants to."
My wife and I decided not to have children.
We go out for dinner a lot.
If we had kids I think we'd be divorced. We have overcome a lot and it took 100% of ourselves at times to accomplish. If we had also been parents at the time I don't think we would have made it.
My partner and I have the freedom and the life we wanted. We can travel whenever we want, save money, sleep in, have late nights out. Parenting was never something either of us wanted and looking at the state of things all over the world, we're extremely happy with our decision.
This one hits home for me... after graduating with a bachelor in environmental science over 10 years ago and seeing the climate change catastrophe only WORSEN since then, I refuse to bring a child into this doomed world! Thanks, Capitalism 👍
Amazing, 54 this year, she is 52, we have been together 32 years. I would not change a thing.
Another difficult challenge Woods faces is that people think she doesn't like kids because she's living a child-free life. "I adore kids, and I’ve worked in childcare since I was a teenager. But what people fail to realize is that just because one loves children, it doesn't mean they would want to dedicate their entire life to being a parent to one. There’s no nuance anymore. People just assume you hate kids. It’s very hurtful."
I'm 42, single. I have more money for my dogs which is nice.
My mom hounded me about having kids while I was still a kid. I've always been child free but my mom would negate my opinions saying I'd change my mind or "who will take care of you when you're old?" It finally got to a point where she told me I was selfish for not giving her grandchildren. It just added into my decision to go no contact with her.
So I guess that whole "who will take care of you when you get old" idea is moot.
I can understand your mother being disappointed about but having grandchildren, but that doesn't excuse her trying to pressure you into it. My daughter has said she isn't having children. I hope she changes her mind, and she probably knows I feel that way, but I would never guilt trip her about it.
Not over 40 yet, but getting there. So far, life is brilliant. We know several parents, and at least a few of them look like they have very happy lives with children. So I don't think a life with children would have necessarily turned out miserable. But that would have been a different kind of happiness, and we are content with our own version.
The most important difference is that we are not obsessed with making more money or living at a particular standard to make our children happy. A few of our upper middle class friends send their children to private schools where annual vacations abroad are the norm for their peers. The pressure of keeping up with the Joneses to make their children happy is enormous. We know that there is nobody after us. We only need to save for a comfortable retirement. We are not trying to build trust funds for anyone. The knowledge that we are accountable for our lives alone is very liberating and we are very happy we made that choice.
I like that: "The knowledge that we are accountable for our lives alone is very liberating and we are very happy we made that choice."
63 year old gal here. Not for a second. I have enjoyed my life and plan to enjoy the rest of it. Just didn't have the baby urge. Likely going to be a different response from folks who are without child but wanted a child.
Same here. I was never maternal, felt no need to procreate, resisted family pressure and did what I wanted.
Concerning her partner, Woods told Bored Panda that the decision was completely mutual. "My husband and I both discussed not having kids early on when dating. We have check-ins every year to discuss whether or not we still don’t want to have kids. The decision was easy: we’ve always been on the same page. We realized that we love our peace. And we love silence. We love the open-ended freedom to do what we want to do in life. Not every year is promised."
"And we both have a lot of personal dreams, of travel, of books we want to write, of hobbies and subjects to learn about. More than anything, we love having the space and time to design our days the way we want to. We both recognize the sacrifice, time, and dedication to raising humans in the world, and for us personally, it’s not a prerequisite for our happiness. There is more to life than raising humans."
It’s AMAZING, thanks for asking!
Being child free is one of the best decisions I ever made! My life is untethered and I’m free to do whatever I want without guilt or sacrificing something.
There are a lot of people who had kids and now resent them. They won’t admit it but a lot of people wish they didn’t have kids or they regret who their co-parent is.
It's not only about physical time, the value in being child free is in the mind as well. Not having to be worried, putting yourself second almost all the time and the costs. I believe there are far more unsuitable, frustrated parents than there are happy child free people.
Pretty good! I’ve always known I wasn’t a mothering type and I met my partner in highschool and he had the same feelings. We’ve never changed our minds and we are going on 22 years together. We live a full life, eat out heaps, go to concerts, the theatre, holidays, we have so much freedom it’s insane. We nurture our hobbies, and sleep in a lot. All of our friends have kids and complain constantly about how hard it is, how exhausted they are and how much money it’s costing them. No regrets on our side.
I’m recently (just entered my 30s) realizing how much freedom I actually do have for myself, now that I’m done school and lucky enough to find myself on a solid career path. I can create any life I want for myself and indulge in my own brand of luxurious selfishness, and I have all the freedom to do so. My only obligations and responsibilities are to myself, and I take very good care of myself. Taking the time to nurture and invest in my hobbies - and discover new ones - has been so rewarding. I love being able to invest in my personal growth in ways that I couldn’t if I had children to focus on. (I’m pretty lucky to have the circumstances that I have, I realize it’s not feasible for everyone). Much love to all the parents of the world but there are few places I can say this without judgement: I gosh golly darn love not having kids!!!!
She was also kind enough to provide some advice to people who might feel that they want a child-free life but feel too pressured by societal norms to accept it.
"Listen to yourself. Trust yourself. We don’t talk enough about the importance of self-trust. You know yourself more than anyone else. No mother, no neighbor, or teacher knows what you, yourself, want and will be happy with. Prioritize that soft whisper, that inner knowing. Listen to that gut feeling that you have and trust it. No one else’s opinion about your body and what you do with it is worth listening to."
No it's been great having lots of disposable income instead of disposable diapers. Bringing another human into this f****d up world would not have been a good choice for us either. Parenting is not for everyone
I understand Thano's thinking with more clarity each day. 8 billion people is 4 billion too many for sustainability. Ironically, I know children aren't taken as precious miracles by the US government. Our educational system has been in steady decline and become a hunting ground for whackos. Health care in many communities is non-existent. I made the right choice.
It is the absolute best. Last night, on a weeknight, we went out for Mexican and had a couple of cocktails. Walked home, very slightly toasted and had an amazing night. We were able to do that and so many other things because we have cats, not kids.
I am the eldest of five children, with terrible parents. Plus, most of my siblings chose to have children. I know exactly what I'm missing and I am honestly happy about it every single day. I have the utmost respect for parents because I know how hard it is - you basically go without sleep for years, you sacrifice all your money and free time, and your body (as a woman) often suffers major changes that you may not have been prepared for, some of which are permanently harmful.
I second that: "I know exactly what I'm missing and I am honestly happy about it every single day."
My dad used to say I wouldn’t take $1 billion for one of my children but I wouldn’t pay $.50 to have another one
That's how I feel about mine. So many people told me that I'd miss the "littles" stage (generally from newborn to about 7/8). Nope. I love watching mine go into each new phase. I enjoy the good parts and struggle through the challenging parts, but each stage has both. But I'm done. My two are plenty, thanks.
We regret it profoundly. In retrospect we could have done it easily and well. And both of us come from varied backgrounds and know plenty of couples who have had good and bad experiences, but the bad experiences are very few while the good are considerably good. So, yeah, life mistake and too late for both of us to do anything about it.
My salary isn't bad, but I may as well be rich, considering I have no kids, no debt, no expensive weddings. Unlimited free time to do whatever I want, whenever. I struggle to imagine why anyone would want children so badly.
Too many people have the overconfidence that they'll rise above the horror stories they've read/heard and do a better job. No one ever considers the 3-4 months with a colicky baby averages. You're never quite the same afterwards, I've heard.
Yeah, I regret it a lot. But it wasn't my choice so, I just have to figure out how to live with that.
Maybe 10% regret, 90% not. These big life decisions generally aren't all-or-nothing.
I have a lot of anxiety, and kids pick up 9n that. I wouldn't want to burden a child with coping with my anxiety, on top of just learning how to be a human, which is hard enough already.
Yes. I have depression and anxiety since childhood, my mom did also have them, and that is one of my reasons to not having children myself. I'm an introvert as well and school, college and work were a sheer torment for me. I don't want a child to experience that.
It hurts like hell that I can’t have children. But I’m beginning to accept it’s for the best. Both of us have depression. I have anxiety, ADHD. I fight every day to do basics for myself. My partner does too. We should not bring a child into this world like this. So we work together to help each other and just be the best Aunt and Uncle we can. I grieve for my unborn children but I know it’s for the best.
I've always known that I've never wanted kids, and I'm so happy with that decision. I've never been the maternal type, and the amount of time, work, and money they require just seems like torture. I love being able to travel the world at a moment's notice, and I love having time for my interests, hobbies, sleep, etc. When I talk to my friends that have kids they all seem so tired and depressed and they struggle with their loss of self.
I think too many people are having kids before they even know who they are, and before they know it, they've lost their sense of self entirely.
I just turned 40, but my wife is under 40 so we get partial credit I guess. For my 40th she redid one of the rooms in the new place we just moved to into my own private nerdy game room getaway. She went all out! It’s absolutely insane, and she is still waiting for a few more things to be available/delivered! So for us, at least, it’s going pretty f*****g great right now!
Using extra rooms for hobbies or an office instead of another bedroom. What a luxury. It's wonderful.
You won't get many replies as they're too busy rolling around in their piles of money, with the time to enjoy such an activity.
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ChildFREE is an active choice. ChildLESS is wanting but not getting/having. It's a big difference.
Agreed. Basically the TLDR of this post: If you choose to be childfree, you have no regret in your later years. If you are chidless, you got to enjoy the benefits of it, but there is a tinge of regret and sadness.
Load More Replies... I am female, working class and live in the north of England, there is was/still the expectation that the woman does all the cooking, cleaning, and childrearing. It looked like slavery to me so I decided as a child I would never be a mother. No regrets. I am 55 now. Good job, own home, comfortable and I also did it without a man or partner of any kind.
I applaud you! From about 12 I always said I didn't want kids but I caved to that family pressure of "you'll change your mind". I absolutely regret getting married and having kids.
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Dang...according to this post I should be broke, stressed, depressed, tied down and unable to do anything that I want because I have kids lol.
Yeah. And somehow after raising three stepkids and still raising my daughter... I somehow have money, travel, a decent home, and a feeling of love I never understood before (even though I said it was bs when people told me about it). Thank goodness for articles like this that constantly remind me how terrible my choices have been.
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ChildFREE is an active choice. ChildLESS is wanting but not getting/having. It's a big difference.
Agreed. Basically the TLDR of this post: If you choose to be childfree, you have no regret in your later years. If you are chidless, you got to enjoy the benefits of it, but there is a tinge of regret and sadness.
Load More Replies... I am female, working class and live in the north of England, there is was/still the expectation that the woman does all the cooking, cleaning, and childrearing. It looked like slavery to me so I decided as a child I would never be a mother. No regrets. I am 55 now. Good job, own home, comfortable and I also did it without a man or partner of any kind.
I applaud you! From about 12 I always said I didn't want kids but I caved to that family pressure of "you'll change your mind". I absolutely regret getting married and having kids.
Load More Replies... Dang...according to this post I should be broke, stressed, depressed, tied down and unable to do anything that I want because I have kids lol.
Yeah. And somehow after raising three stepkids and still raising my daughter... I somehow have money, travel, a decent home, and a feeling of love I never understood before (even though I said it was bs when people told me about it). Thank goodness for articles like this that constantly remind me how terrible my choices have been.
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