Ember the Fire Bee
Community Member
1 posts
17 comments
14 upvotes
38 points
Hey, I’m Ember. My preferred pronouns are They/Them, but I don’t really care. Mostly I just watch “The Owl House”. Did you know the actor who plays King is also in “Gravity Falls”? Kinda cool, huh?
Ember the Fire Bee • commented on 17 posts 1 year ago
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Ember the Fire Bee • upvoted 14 items 1 year ago
SensualEnema reply
My mental health has taken a sharp decline in the last year, and my friends and family don’t know about everything I’m trying to deal with (I just crack jokes about it or manically word vomit some things but not everything). Here’s some word vomit for anyone who cares to read (TW: bad mental health): I think I have PTSD (I get flashes of the worst night of my life, and that happened November, 2021). I can’t touch soft sweaters without damn near having a panic attack. I’m getting intrusive thoughts that tell me I’m bad, worthless, unloved, unworthy of being loved, and all other mean things. I constantly maintain a very high level of anxiety. I overthink everything to the point that I can’t focus on anything else sometimes. I have no motivation to clean, exercise, cook, or do anything else I used to enjoy. I din’t enjoy moments when I feel happy because I feel guilty when I’m happy. I just want to sleep, but I can’t for very long because of my anxiety. My Wellbutrin and propranolol don’t work anymore, not very well anyway. I can’t just walk away and keep walking until I die of hunger or exhaustion because my husband would be sad, and I don’t want my last action on earth to be another bad one. I cry a lot. I couldn’t maintain eye contact with my husband last night because every time I looked at him, I wanted to burst into tears. He hugged me, and I almost burst into tears. I stopped cuddling because I was about to burst into tears. I started keeping a mental health journal, and I have so many more bad days than good. Even the good days are marred by bad stuff. I just lie in bed all day instead of being busy and productive like I used to. Sorry for the wall of text. I’m just very tired and wanted to holler my problems into the Internet void.
Worried_Bass3588 reply
I’m slowly leaving society and don’t plan to tell anyone. I purchased a small piece of property, one small cabin in which I’ll live and a second that has been remodeled for use as a rental to subsidize my income. I have 2 years +/- of work left and have no intention of telling them either. My parents are both dead and my brother has been estranged for 2 decades. When I hit my monetary goal in a couple years, I’m just not showing up for life any more. I’ve deleted all socials aside from Reddit as I use it for news and information to stay current until I leave the grid. My phone will also be be left behind. I plan to take a laptop to communicate with the rental agency and any issues with renters that may arise as I plan to act as the caretaker of said rental. Tl;dr: I’m walking away from it all. Work, friends, any and all obligations. The world tires me and I see no point in continuing to be part of it on any real scale. And telling no one.
an_omori_fan reply
I talk with myself. Not the usual "You can do it!" type of s**t. Literally act like I am 2 people, that are having a conversation. I called him "G". He is ok.
Ddevil__ reply
I’m an alcoholic, gotten so bad to the point I was in jail and I was admitted into a psych ward once. My drinking life was wild and destructive. Decided I’ve had enough. After 2 failed attempts I’m currently 36 days sober, the most sober I’ve been in years.
SudoPuff reply
This is a weird one but I promise you, no b******t. I had a metal screw/bolt roughly an inch and a half long stuck in my right lung from age 2-17. I must have put it in my mouth as a toddler and it got in got there somehow. Anyway, The unsettling bit is that I always knew there was something seriously wrong with my body, because my whole life I would have instances in which I coughed uncontrollably, many times coughing up blood. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. But I never told anyone. Dad was neglectful and mom was always working, so it was relatively easy to hide. If it happened at school I’d excuse myself to the restroom until it stopped. No one ever showed concern those 15 years so I guess I kept it to myself well enough. I never told anyone, because even as a small child I was very unhappy with life and wanted it to be over. I guess I figured my mystery illness would get me eventually, so I kept it a secret so I wouldn’t get treated. It all came to a head at 17 when playing ball at the park with my parents, siblings, and some friends. I got a decent hit and ran around the bases when I started coughing. After sitting back down I tried to hold it in but I couldn’t… and this time it was too bloody to hide and no bathroom to go to. So my step uncle noticed after a minute or two, everyone is crowded around me while I’m coughing up a s***load of blood in and around a trash can. My little brother told me after that they actually sent guys in hazmat suits to clean it up because they didn’t know if whatever was wrong with me was contagious. But anyway, got to the hospital got the X-ray which showed the screw lit up like Christmas imposed over my rib cage. Doctor guy just went “Well there’s your problem!” I guess he was trying to lighten the mood since everyone was understandably freaking the f**k out. Two weeks of surgery, three total, and it was out. I still have breathing issues, but the cough is gone now. I made the screw into a necklace which I wear sometimes because I find it oddly comforting to be reminded of my own mortality. I know that’s weird but it’s just sort of how I am all things considered. I never told my family I knew there was something wrong with me, because telling them would mean admitting to them that I wanted to die the whole time. I still struggle with mental health c**p for this and many, many other reasons I won’t get into, but things are a lot easier than they used to be. But anyway, if you actually took the time to read about my weird little life I appreciate your time and hope your day is pleasant.
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Ember the Fire Bee • started following 2 people 1 year ago
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Ember the Fire Bee • submitted a new post 1 year ago
Ember the Fire Bee • submitted 3 list additions 1 year ago
Ember the Fire Bee • commented on 17 posts 1 year ago
Ember the Fire Bee • upvoted 14 items 1 year ago
SensualEnema reply
My mental health has taken a sharp decline in the last year, and my friends and family don’t know about everything I’m trying to deal with (I just crack jokes about it or manically word vomit some things but not everything). Here’s some word vomit for anyone who cares to read (TW: bad mental health): I think I have PTSD (I get flashes of the worst night of my life, and that happened November, 2021). I can’t touch soft sweaters without damn near having a panic attack. I’m getting intrusive thoughts that tell me I’m bad, worthless, unloved, unworthy of being loved, and all other mean things. I constantly maintain a very high level of anxiety. I overthink everything to the point that I can’t focus on anything else sometimes. I have no motivation to clean, exercise, cook, or do anything else I used to enjoy. I din’t enjoy moments when I feel happy because I feel guilty when I’m happy. I just want to sleep, but I can’t for very long because of my anxiety. My Wellbutrin and propranolol don’t work anymore, not very well anyway. I can’t just walk away and keep walking until I die of hunger or exhaustion because my husband would be sad, and I don’t want my last action on earth to be another bad one. I cry a lot. I couldn’t maintain eye contact with my husband last night because every time I looked at him, I wanted to burst into tears. He hugged me, and I almost burst into tears. I stopped cuddling because I was about to burst into tears. I started keeping a mental health journal, and I have so many more bad days than good. Even the good days are marred by bad stuff. I just lie in bed all day instead of being busy and productive like I used to. Sorry for the wall of text. I’m just very tired and wanted to holler my problems into the Internet void.an_omori_fan reply
I talk with myself. Not the usual "You can do it!" type of s**t. Literally act like I am 2 people, that are having a conversation. I called him "G". He is ok.Worried_Bass3588 reply
I’m slowly leaving society and don’t plan to tell anyone. I purchased a small piece of property, one small cabin in which I’ll live and a second that has been remodeled for use as a rental to subsidize my income. I have 2 years +/- of work left and have no intention of telling them either. My parents are both dead and my brother has been estranged for 2 decades. When I hit my monetary goal in a couple years, I’m just not showing up for life any more. I’ve deleted all socials aside from Reddit as I use it for news and information to stay current until I leave the grid. My phone will also be be left behind. I plan to take a laptop to communicate with the rental agency and any issues with renters that may arise as I plan to act as the caretaker of said rental. Tl;dr: I’m walking away from it all. Work, friends, any and all obligations. The world tires me and I see no point in continuing to be part of it on any real scale. And telling no one.Ddevil__ reply
I’m an alcoholic, gotten so bad to the point I was in jail and I was admitted into a psych ward once. My drinking life was wild and destructive. Decided I’ve had enough. After 2 failed attempts I’m currently 36 days sober, the most sober I’ve been in years.SudoPuff reply
This is a weird one but I promise you, no b******t. I had a metal screw/bolt roughly an inch and a half long stuck in my right lung from age 2-17. I must have put it in my mouth as a toddler and it got in got there somehow. Anyway, The unsettling bit is that I always knew there was something seriously wrong with my body, because my whole life I would have instances in which I coughed uncontrollably, many times coughing up blood. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. But I never told anyone. Dad was neglectful and mom was always working, so it was relatively easy to hide. If it happened at school I’d excuse myself to the restroom until it stopped. No one ever showed concern those 15 years so I guess I kept it to myself well enough. I never told anyone, because even as a small child I was very unhappy with life and wanted it to be over. I guess I figured my mystery illness would get me eventually, so I kept it a secret so I wouldn’t get treated. It all came to a head at 17 when playing ball at the park with my parents, siblings, and some friends. I got a decent hit and ran around the bases when I started coughing. After sitting back down I tried to hold it in but I couldn’t… and this time it was too bloody to hide and no bathroom to go to. So my step uncle noticed after a minute or two, everyone is crowded around me while I’m coughing up a s***load of blood in and around a trash can. My little brother told me after that they actually sent guys in hazmat suits to clean it up because they didn’t know if whatever was wrong with me was contagious. But anyway, got to the hospital got the X-ray which showed the screw lit up like Christmas imposed over my rib cage. Doctor guy just went “Well there’s your problem!” I guess he was trying to lighten the mood since everyone was understandably freaking the f**k out. Two weeks of surgery, three total, and it was out. I still have breathing issues, but the cough is gone now. I made the screw into a necklace which I wear sometimes because I find it oddly comforting to be reminded of my own mortality. I know that’s weird but it’s just sort of how I am all things considered. I never told my family I knew there was something wrong with me, because telling them would mean admitting to them that I wanted to die the whole time. I still struggle with mental health c**p for this and many, many other reasons I won’t get into, but things are a lot easier than they used to be. But anyway, if you actually took the time to read about my weird little life I appreciate your time and hope your day is pleasant. Ember the Fire Bee • is following 2 people
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