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“This Made Me Laugh Way More Than It Should Have”: 93 Tweets For Anyone Tired Of The News (New Pics)
2025 is almost coming to a close, and honestly, where did the time go? One minute we were setting New Year’s resolutions, and now we’re already deep into festive playlists, fairy lights, and end-of-year reflections. As everything starts to slow down and the holiday mood kicks in, it feels like the perfect moment to just relax and enjoy a few shared laughs.
So today, we took a little scroll through r/NonPoliticalTwitter to round up some random viral tweets that caught our eye. Some are laugh-out-loud funny, some are painfully relatable, some are surprisingly accurate, and a few are oddly useful in ways only the internet can be. It’s a lighthearted mix—perfect for winding down, smiling a bit, and ending the year on a cheerful note. Keep scrolling for some internet gold.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Pro Tip
WindySwede 2 days ago
works on you gmail! just write +BoredPanda after youmail, see example in my answer.
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Riley Quinn 2 days ago
I understand why retail sites sell your personal information, but it's when charities sell your info that really upsets me. Here I am, making a donation to a specific cause out of kindness only to end up on some list and getting a deluge of "help us" emails/snail mail.
Robert Trebor 3 days ago
Pre-www I did this with magazine subscriptions. Variations of my middle name.
Sven Horlemann 3 hours ago
W*F? This is BRILLIANT. Why did I never think of that? Will do. 2026, I am coming.
ManuelQue 1 day ago
Here's the long but effective way to do it. Note: often, using "unsubscribe" works. 1. Show the original email, or "show headers". 2. Scroll down the headers and look for the last "from",eg, from 111.11.111. 3. Open another tab and go to ARIN whois. Copy and paste that header into the Search bar. 4. It may take you to the IP whose service is being spammed. Look under "a***e" or similar for an email address to report the spam. 5. Forward the original headers to the a***e address. Another note: ARIN is for North America. You may be told to go to RIPE or another area to search for the a***e. You'll get a reporting address there also. This takes longer to type out than it takes to do. It works wonderfully. With Gmail, any report will send a notice out to the entire Gmail system so that the spam will be automatically sent to the Spam folder.
RELATED:
#2
Proud Of You! 👏🏻 👏🏻
Phantom Phoenix 3 days ago
That's not how it works! You're only supposed to finally need that particular wire/cable/cord/adapter 2 months after you've decided you've kept it too long and discarded it.
DC 3 days ago
No, you're meant to buy a new one - in a store you need to go to, because you need it NOW - and, while installing, you need cable straps or something, search these for about 135 minutes or more, and instead of the straps, you find the cable whose replacement you just have bought, and another one to five of them, of which you somehow forgot.
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Breadcrumb. 2 days ago
I need the cord for my old digital camera..i can't up load pictures of my dead relatives from 10 years ago..
M O'Connell 3 days ago
I actually sold a cable out of my bin-o' abandoned cables a few years ago! $50 for an original Apple HDI-45 to DB-15 display adapter cable.
Tucker Cahooter 3 days ago
Ah the joys of solidly screwing in a VGA cable (although I have never seen one which wasn't blue)
Rick Murray 3 days ago
Cream coloured cables are old fashioned, from the days when PCs were identical looking beige boxes.
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#3
She Doesn’t Need To Be Locked Up
Chuck the Cat 3 days ago
She didn't climb over the gate, the gate climbed over her.
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Vexed Panda 2 days ago
When my great gramma was 96, she used to escape the home every Friday night to go sneak out to the one saloon to have a beer.
KatSaidThat 2 days ago
Check out the surroundings. I'm thinking it's not 5*
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In today’s fast-paced, slightly chaotic world, we’re all just trying to find ways to unwind. Some people book spa days, others swear by yoga, long walks, or meditation apps. But let’s be real, not everyone has the time or energy for a full self-care routine every single day. Sometimes, all you’ve got is a short break between meetings or a few quiet minutes before bed. That’s where simple joys come in. Scrolling through a hilarious collection of tweets or watching a funny video can instantly lift your mood. It’s quick, effortless, and surprisingly effective. Even a small laugh can feel like hitting a mental reset button.
#4
Oh, How The Tables Have Turned
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago
Horses are indeed quite delicate when it comes to health, always surprises me how they survived the whole evolutional process
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Mary Peace 22 hours ago
If it's worth the effort to transport the horse, it must have to work or perform when it arrives. So is it still 'Well played horses '?
#5
Why Does Amazon Do That?
Phantom Phoenix 3 days ago (edited)
Yeah, but you buy that thing from Amazon that they have low stock of and then get bombarded with ads from Amazon to buy more of that thing. My phone requires precisely one case. Which it has now.
geezeronthehill 2 days ago
"We see you've purchased a 1967 dodge dart. Would you like to purchase a 1967 dodge dart?"
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#6
Same Old TSA
Lotekguy 3 days ago
Most aim for a smile or a groan. Laughs are bonus points.
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Owen 3 days ago (edited)
I got pulled aside by security in Egypt, because they thought my Nintendo Switch was an IED. When I said, 'No, it just plays Mario...' it didn't have the result I expected. They did not know Mario. They kept me aside for hours. I hate airports anyway, but Egypt was something else. Could have been worse I guess. 🤷♂️
pandamonium 3 days ago
Yep. Auditory equivalent of a tumbleweed rolling past...
Load More Replies...Smiling might seem like a tiny thing, but it actually has a big impact on your brain. When you smile, your brain gets signals that say, “Hey, things aren’t so bad.” Even if the smile feels forced at first, your mind often catches up anyway. Your brain releases feel-good chemicals that help calm you down and improve your mood. It’s kind of like tricking your brain into feeling happier than it was a moment ago. You don’t need a big reason to smile, sometimes just trying is enough. That small facial movement can shift your entire emotional state.
#7
Just As God Intended
Mark Savoie 3 days ago
I used to sing karaoke at a Filipino bar in Seoul. I have an okayish voice, but I put on a good performance. Honestly, I have got encores, and it wasn't for my voice, but for the way I sold the song. I was even once told by two ladies that they were leaving, but that they would stay if I was going to sing again. Again, it wasn't because of my singing voice. I'm very proud of that. Anyway, I sang my two songs at the Filipino bar and sat down. The guy after me was a Filipino professional singer who sang at one of the Seoul hotel loungez. He never even got up on stage, just sat at his table and belted out a couple of note-perfect songs by Journey. I never sang karaoke at that bar again.
Marnie 2 days ago
Best I ever saw was a grizzled old barkeep at a dive karaoke bar (the only one I've been to). She looked like she smoked 2 1/2 packs a day and washed them down with a pint of vodka each night. Gets up there and belts out Janis Joplin's Piece of my Heart. Did it better than Joplin did. Absolutely amazing performance.
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ॐBoyGanesh 3 days ago (edited)
A friend of mine majored in music theory then went on to become an opera singer. None of our friend group are particularly into karaoke, except her maybe. Yet we almost always find excuses to avoid it when she plans a karaoke night or suggests one. She once asked me why nobody wants to do karaoke with her. Initially I shrugged. Then I asked her why she liked it so much and what her experience doing it was like. She said it was fun because she gets to perform, but that it also makes the crowd calmer. Or the crowd just thins out. So I asked her why she thinks that happens. She said, “I dunno. I’m a great vocalist. I mean, I’m a trained opera singer.” To which I said, “there ya go.” Eventually I had to spell it out for her: people don’t go to karaoke to see professional performances. They go to watch smashed folks fight their way through a horrendous version of a Kate Bush song. It was like she had a paradigm shift right by then & there, regarding what karaoke is & how she’s approached it
SkyBlueandBlack 3 days ago
Best rendition of "Heartbreak Hotel" was sung by a guy at Shakey's who staggered up with a mug of beer in his hand without spilling a drop, put Elvis to shame, then staggered back to his seat and ordered another.
Kirsten Kerkhof 2 days ago (edited)
I did karaoke with colleagues once. One of them joined me in Bohemian Rhapsody, despite the fact he has the grand vocal range of three notes. It was brilliant.
Chich the witch 2 days ago
Knew a fellow who was offered free drinks for the night by the bar owner if he agreed to not go up and sing anymore.
Norm Gilmore 2 days ago (edited)
That sounds like it would have been me. Sorry to anyone who has experienced my warbling :-)
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tee-lena 2 days ago
Well,if this is truly the case then I need to get to a karaoke bar. I can't drink but I'd love to sing! We need friends for this,huh?
Hassel Davidhoff 1 day ago
Sadly, I can confirm you do not need friends to do this.
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#8
Clumsy Empire
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago
There is a whole artificial hill that consists only of ancient pottery in Rome
Robert Millar 3 days ago
All the way from ancient history people have been clumsy, but today... no, wait.
#9
“Just Get Both It's Your Day” 😊
Rinso The Red 2 days ago
I, even if the actual date was yesterday, tell my wife "well, you've got a birthday coming up"
Riley Quinn 2 days ago
You order both, eat the one that won't last, and bring the other home for the next day.
Merry Grinchmas from Grumpy 3 days ago
Free ive cream on your birthday, helll yeah its my day. I did this with all my nieces. Only ever paid for my own, and tipped the other $5
Moving Enigma 2 days ago
I never ever get my wife to choose between two desserts as that way I can't be blamed later for her getting the wrong one!
Load More Replies...What’s even cooler is that smiling can help your body feel better too. When you smile, your brain releases natural painkillers called endorphins, along with serotonin. Together, they help ease stress, relax your muscles, and make you feel good all over. That’s why smiling after a long, exhausting day can actually feel relieving. It’s like your body’s version of a mini reward. No prescription needed, no side effects, just a simple smile.
#10
Knives Are Fairly Romantic...i Think
Huddo's sister 3 days ago
I continually ask why my sister has at least one knife and a couple of lighters (she doesn't smoke) in her bag at all times. I don't quite believe she's just following the Scout's motto 'be prepared', especially when she also has duct tape and other oddities...
B Hobbs 3 days ago
Friends help you move. Good friends help you move bodies.
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Ace 3 days ago
It wasn't that long ago that any boy's pockets would be likely to contain a penknife. A thousand uses.
Arthur Waite 3 days ago
My Dad gave me my first pocket-knife when I was five. Everybody in my school had a pocket-knife, including the teachers. It was just part of your clothing. Mind you, that was 1957.
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 2 days ago
Every boy and most adults carried penknives for cutting string, sharpening pencil, removing fishooks....
Mike F 2 days ago
When I was young (oh so long ago) every dad carried a pocket knife and you knew when you became a "young man" when you received yours on your birthday.
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Midoribird Aoi 2 days ago
Believe it or not, a boy carrying a jack knife was normal in the past
geezeronthehill 2 days ago
I always carry a knife. But then I live on a mountain and play the banjo.
Bill Swallow 2 days ago
You know, back when carving initials on trees was in fashion, a pocketknife was a standard pocket accessory for males, possibly more common than a pocket comb - especially for rural or farm kids. It was seen as a *tool*, not a *weapon*. In my reply below, I'll post a picture of a tree I found on our farm, where Dad carved his and Mom's initials on a tree in May 1939 - right above my grandfather's initials.
Kali Chaos 2 days ago
I work in a kitchen (think breaking down boxes, cutting open product etc), but even if I didn't I would always carry a knife and a Leatherman. Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it. My belt buckle also has a Phillips head and flathead screwdriver as the prongs, and three sizes of hex wrench on the sides. But that's mostly for fixing bindings while snowboarding.
Merry Grinchmas from Grumpy 3 days ago
Because men get handsy, my neices have quick open knives
Shark Lady 3 days ago
I have hairspray and deodorant, much safer to carry. If you go up against a bigger attacker they would disarm you. You need something that you can use from further away.
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CloPotato 1 day ago
I've had a pocket knife since I was 10, my nieces do to, just because we can basically (it feels nice, you can poorly carve branches for leisure, and it can sometimes be practical. I tend to use the blade like a flat screwdriver.) Carving anything on a living tree feels weird to me though, so expect no CloPotato tree.
#11
MS Lies
LinkTheHylian 3 days ago
Vaccines cause autism, anything any politician has ever said, "MY kids would never misbehave.", "she definitely likes you, bro!"... take your pick.
KatSaidThat 2 days ago
Not entirely accurate. I use CCleaner daily, I am still logged into FB and Gmail next morning... magic...
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Nikolaj Christensen 2 days ago
Clearly not always with these redundant prompts, Microsoft does not Work...
Load More Replies... wobbly jelly 2 days ago
MS minutes is the bigger lie - it will take 5min to complete - 4 lifetimes later it's now 6m
#12
And They Were Roommates
Phantom Phoenix 3 days ago
Would Dad's world collapse if someone finally just told him straight out? Or those not straight came out?
highwaycrossingfrog 2 days ago
My friend and her girlfriend were house hunting recently, and the agents kept saying things like "This house has an en suite, so you'll have to fight over who gets the master bedroom".
Lazy Panda 2 2 days ago
Argh. Or a female couple I knew who were looking at wedding venues. And the host at one potential venue said, "oooh, will it be a double wedding then? We've not had one of those." Nope. Just two women. Getting married. As we've legally allowed for decades now. But strangely, not at this venue.
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Stephanie Did It 3 days ago
My grandparents were friends with a couple of unmarried ladies their age who lived together. Grandpa knew the score but Grandma was clueless. They always referred to the pair as "the characters."
Riley Quinn 2 days ago
Yeah, I had aunts who shared a house to keep their living expenses down. Either my older relatives were pathetically naive or they were telling us a bald-faced lie to "protect" us.
Gordon Hall 1 day ago
Amazing that Dad doesn't know. I'm 81 and have known about such arrangements for a Loo-oong time, so Dad's 'age' has nothing to do with it.
Smiles also do a lot of the talking for us, even when we don’t say a word. A smile can show kindness, understanding, encouragement, or even a simple “I hear you.” In conversations, it helps people feel comfortable and connected. Think about how different it feels when someone listens to you with a warm smile versus a blank expression. Smiling makes interactions feel softer and more human. It builds trust without effort. Sometimes, a smile communicates more than a full sentence ever could.
#13
Is It A Trap?
nicholas nolan 2 days ago
Eh, it's also not mansplaining if you're a corporate trainer doing corporate training, but that didn't spot that woman from yelling at me about mansplaining the job to her.
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hansu 2 days ago
Jokes aside, this is how a lot of men act. If you try to tell them you don't like something they do, they revenge by make it seem like you asked something ridiculous. Don't mansplain is an easy "rule" to follow, yet I hear a lot of these kind of jokes how "you can't talk to women at all".
Jaya 2 days ago
Yeah, and you saw the same thing with MeToo. "I can't make inappropriate comments to women anymore? Well then I can't even talk to women at all anymore" 🙄
Load More Replies... Bored Seb 2 days ago
Almost had something similar : - woman: you know what mansplaining means? - me: yes, I can explain it to you if you want. She did not find me funny :(
CloPotato 1 day ago
I love these jokes that could be very insulting if they came from someone being serious, but make me howl when they're from my friends or someone obviously having fun.
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Angie Falzarano 2 days ago (edited)
My male bff one time mansplanned mansplsnning to me because he didnt think I knew what it meant. Yeah the man msnsplanned mansplanning couldnt be anymore ironic then that
#14
Shakespeare
Chuck the Cat 3 days ago
I got a Shakespeare Insults book for Christmas. I haven't read all of it but my favourite one so far is "God created him, and therefore let him pass for a man".
geezeronthehill 2 days ago
Shakespeare and the king James Bible. We get a bunch phrases from those sources.
#15
They Just Keep Coming
Spidercat 2 days ago
As I've said, and been criticised for, previously on BP: One day you will dìe. You will never stop ageing. One day you will be a thousand years old and might get dug up and popped in a museum...
Load More Replies... Phantom Phoenix 3 days ago
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see So, what's wrong with taking the backstreets?
Chuck the Cat 3 days ago
Reminds me of this video I watched where someone translated the song into Latin. Olim aliquis mi dixit, fati rapturi sunt me, non sum acutior gladius in arena.¹
Auntriarch 3 days ago (edited)
I'm ignoring this because I don't know what Rick is in Latin and I'm not taking the chance
Load More Replies... In tense moments, a smile can work like magic. Imagine a heated discussion at work or a small argument with a loved one. Tension is high, voices are tight, and emotions are running wild. A calm smile, paired with patience, can instantly lower the temperature in the room. It signals that you’re open to understanding, not fighting. While it won’t solve everything instantly, it can make resolution possible. A smile can gently steer a situation away from conflict and toward calm.
#16
They Have To Patch This
LinkTheHylian 3 days ago
People are very selective in which sources they trust. Doesn't mean the sources are accurate, or genuine.
TiNaBoNiNa 2 days ago
That's because said device also holds the totality of human misinformation, too.
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago
Human psychology - People love to being told what to believe since thinking requires effort and getting it done by somebody else (correctly or not) is way more convenient. Major reason why propaganda and ideological brainwashing works so well
Bremusa4u 2 days ago
Thinking does rob the body of a lot of energy. I can see why so many people would preferred having someone else doing all their thinking for thwm. Kinda smart if you think about it.
Load More Replies... Merry Grinchmas from Grumpy 3 days ago
I keep saying THIS, you keep downvoting when you could easily fact check and might learn something
Joyce Berman 1 hour ago
Some people really believe that computers know where you are and where you've been every minute of your life. I know it's getting that way with AI but this was 10 years ago and was something on a crime show on TV that always found out ridiculous pieces of information about anyone immediately;
Narasingha Das 1 day ago (edited)
Oh oh - sounds like one of those "follow-the-science and check your brains at the door" types. How come these folks are apt to believe everything they read except the warnings not to believe everything they read?
#17
We Men Are Simple
DC 3 days ago
It's not THAT unreasonable. There's a lot of shocking devices that simply don't deliver enough to really throw someone off. Worst to happen, it doesn't take them down, but angers them, and they take it away from you to table the turns. I wouldn't recommend it, but instead read the technical data carefully and make sure to understand them - you need high voltage, but if there's no current behind it (no english native speaker - Current is Stromstärke in german, right? The stuff measured in Ampere...), this voltage will brake down immediately, and not be sufficient. An experiment on yourself lacks the ethical implication one on someone else has, but still, reading may make it obsolete, and that path, you should go.
Owen 3 days ago (edited)
This is a very German comment. You're totally right though. I would have shocked myself.
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Bill Swallow 2 days ago (edited)
We had electric fences back on the farm - electrified barbed wire. Once, at dusk, when I was wee small, I went running out to meet Dad and my brothers coming in from the fields. Caught that charged barb wire right across my throat, ended up flat on my back - mostly from surprise, but still. Later I got into electronics. I have NO interest in self-testing Thomas A. Swift's Electric Rifle.
Moonie Pinkslip 2 days ago
I sat on a train at night years ago, in the UK, heading towards Kent, and had a long taser under the coat on my lap. Lotta gangs would get on the train at night and harass people, and sure enough, when the train stopped, in came a gang of half a dozen teens in an edgy mood. Poked fun at several people, looking for one to target. I sat there praying they'd pick me, but I swear they sensed my energy and walked past me without looking. They actually left for another carriage.
Andy Frobig 2 days ago
I've been a guy since before Sgt. Pepper came out, and I don't think I would tase myself
Riley Quinn 2 days ago
When a man asks to hold your taser and uses it to shock himself, consider it a test. Now you know their maturity level and you can move forward in a new direction.
Jallamedalla 2 days ago
I got an opportunity to be tazed, like proper tazed by the police (not in anger). Proper tazer shooting prongs in my back and then giving me a "dry stun" in my buttocks after. I had a red spot on my a*s after, and still have the prongs that incapacitated me that night at home. So yes, I'd definately try that tazer on myself.
#18
You Miss 100% Of The Shots You Don’t Take
Heffalump 3 days ago
Bear in mind that there is a small but non-zero chance that doing this will result in Elon Musk attending what should be the happiest day of your life, and ask yourself: is it worth it?
les 3 days ago
yes, it might be the only chance i get to chuck shyte on him and anybody i married would probably agree
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Riley Quinn 2 days ago
Not just billionaires. Millionaires and celebrities have personnel who respond to the invites, too. And, if Keanu Reeves gets an invite, there's a likely chance he'll make an appearance.
Arenite 19 hours ago
If Keanu showed up at my wedding, my groom would be demoted to best man and I would be marrying Keanu. Sorry ex-groom, but you gotta jump when you have the chance. .
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Amberlie Mikelsen 1 day ago
Do this with every celebrity you can find the address of, especially if you happen to be a fan of their work. Most of them have an assistant of some kind (especially if they're still active), and it might just make your special day that much more memorable if they do show up.
Bored Trash Panda 2 days ago
I wish I would have thought of this when I get married lol maybe for my 40th bday? lmao
Smiling doesn’t just help your mood, it can help your health too. When you’re relaxed and happy, your body functions better overall. Stress levels drop, and your immune system gets a little boost. That’s because stress can weaken your body’s defenses, while relaxation helps strengthen them. Smiling encourages that relaxed state naturally. Over time, those small moments of positivity can add up. Feeling good mentally often goes hand-in-hand with feeling better physically.
#19
And Here’s A White T-Shirt With Logo!!
#20
It'll Be Done In 5 Business Days
James016 3 days ago
I got a new fire stick and to sign into the apps, was a case of scanning a QR code and then typing in the code on the TV into the site and putting my sign in details into the site on my phone rather than on the TV
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago (edited)
I got a new receiver with all fancy new features like voice control and Google AI that I'll never use - But putting a god d**n t9 function into it apparently was too much
Blackmoon The Dragon 3 days ago
this is why I sign in with my phone or laptop and link it to my tv :)
Svenne O'Lotta 2 days ago
Yes because what I really want is a goddāmn keyboard by my goddāmn tv
Load More Replies... #21
Undead Is Undead!
#22
One Target, One Goal
And the best part? Smiles are contagious. When one person smiles, others often can’t help but smile back. That ripple effect spreads positivity in ways we don’t always notice. In tough times, a shared laugh or a simple grin can make a huge difference. It reminds us that we’re not alone and that lighter moments still exist. Whether it’s through memes, tweets, or everyday interactions, smiling connects us. Sometimes, it’s the smallest gestures that make the biggest impact.
#23
Wait Until You Hear His Sidekick’s Name
Blackmoon The Dragon 3 days ago
There's a reasoning behind this. From Google: "Donkey Kong's name comes from combining "Donkey," which creator Shigeru Miyamoto thought meant "stupid" or "stubborn," with "Kong," referencing King Kong to signify a large ape, resulting in "Stupid/Stubborn Gorilla" or "Big Gorilla."
Rinso The Red 2 days ago
To be fair, calling someone an "a*s" (which is a synonym for donkey), is a lot like calling them stupid. You see this a lot in translations where, with a decent thesaurus, you can see where they were trying to go, they just picked an odd word choice.
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Lukas (he/him, it/its) 2 days ago
Did you guys know that Donkey Kong only exists because a game called Radar Scope failed? It didn't sell well in America, so Nintendo had 2,000 arcade machines with Radar Scope just sitting in warehouses, so they decided to retro-fit the consoles with a new game. That's when Shigeru Miyamoto came up with the concept for Donkey Kong, and the game was developed with the help of the company Ikegami Tsushinki, who wrote most of the code, to my understanding. This later led to them suing Nintendo for breaking their contract by reusing much of the code for Donkey Kong Jr. Back then, computer code wasn't copyrighted, and Nintendo saw no issue with reusing the code or producing more arcade cabinets than agreed upon, because they saw Ikegami Tsushinki as a contractor who had already been paid. The two companies settled out of court eventually, and I believe Nintendo rewrote the Donkey Kong code for the future console releases.
Merry Grinchmas from Grumpy 3 days ago
Because BAD🫏 was interpretted politely to the boss. It was the 80s.
#24
Family Have No Filter
Emie N. 2 days ago
What solution is that? Give them tips on how to flirt with women? Because that would be the only obvious solution. Otherwise they are not into men.
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 2 days ago
Okay Dad and Grandma, tell me about a heterosexual who embarrassingly lacks a partner might be. In theory, of course.
#25
Yeaaah I'd Say That Qualifies As Awkward
Merry Grinchmas from Grumpy 3 days ago
Ooooh I like your name. Shall we plot and scheme together?
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Teutonic Disaster 2 days ago (edited)
Considering they were out in public, I sure hope it isn't. I mean, they weren't talking about cherries, peaches or eggplants.
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Ellinor she/they/elle 2 days ago
Well everyone is a consenting adult so everything's good !
Load More Replies... #26
Is It Though?
TiNaBoNiNa 2 days ago
Well, the ancient bananas were only finger-length, so this ancient "cucumber" could only be 1 ancient banana long.
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nottheactualphoto 2 days ago
That off-white color looks like uncooked bread, yet they say it's a model cucumber. Perhaps it's a piece of dill dough.
KatSaidThat 2 days ago
from the cucumber being in the crack is my best guess.
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Well, these tweets definitely delivered the laughs and gave us a much-needed mood boost. From oddly relatable moments to perfectly timed humor, they reminded us how powerful a simple joke can be. A quick scroll turned into genuine smiles, and honestly, that’s a win. If a few of these made you chuckle, you’re not alone. Go ahead and pass the fun along to someone who could use a little lightness today.
#27
Avengers
liam newton-harding 3 days ago
One of the great details in The Incredibles...There is an entire Dept. whose job it is to write checks for all the "collateral damage".
Bill Swallow 2 days ago
Long ago, Marvel did a limited series of comics about a company called 'Damage Control', contractors who specialized in cleaning up after superhero fights. Good series, fun read. They got a brief nod in one of the Spider-Man movies.
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Firefly 2 days ago
Several years ago there was a really funny t.v. series called Powerless. Powerless takes place in the DC Universe and follows the adventures of Emily Locke (Vanessa Hudgens) as Director of Research & Development at Wayne Security, a subsidiary of Wayne Enterprises based in Charm City, that specializes in products to help ordinary humans avoid becoming collateral damage in the battles between superheroes and supervillains. I was so disappointed when it was cancelled.
Bill Swallow 2 days ago
Back in the day, we played a tabletop RPG called 'Champions', like D&D, but superheroes. I had a character whose secret identity had a classic Studebaker Avanti sports car. During a fight, one of the villains picked it up and threw it. My character's reaction was "MY! ... Oh My oh my!!!" (*Almost* blew the Secret ID...)
#28
This Is What A Prank Should Be Like
Robert Millar 3 days ago
... and is very perceptive. Love the name Betty, btw.
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Bunny Wood 3 days ago
I would take a parking spot i needed and just accept i was Mr Fart from that day on
#29
Confidently Incorrect
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 days ago
I asked chat gpt if this was correct and it said "You're absolutely right!"
Ugh, do I have to? 2 days ago
Apparently AI induced psychosis is a thing. People go crazy because ChatGPT constantly tells them they're right-- like reverse gaslighting.
Zophra 2 days ago
IDK - I use Chat-GTP and it tells me I'm wrong in a nice way - "you almost have it but you're missing..." or "Let's take it back to the basics to understand what you're doing wrong..."
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#30
It’s Just Going To Ask You Some Questions On The iPad
Geoffrey Scott 3 days ago
The best Bar- B- Que you'll ever eat is fixed by the black dude on the corner with an old 55 gal barrel...trust me.
M O'Connell 3 days ago
I once saw a video of a black dude smoking meat in an old filing cabinet. I've never wanted a "hot sausage drawer" more in my life. It all looked so good.
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Bill Swallow 2 days ago (edited)
We used to hit a place whose slogan was "Best BBQ you'll ever eat in a building that hasn't already been condemned!"
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago
Street food around the world: Simple meals, sold out of simple stands/vans. Streeet food in Germany: Exotic sauces and ingredients, carefully presented by a guy with gloves out of a fancy looking truck for 20+€
BrunoVI 2 days ago
Yesterday, I saw a hot dog vender in Manhattan with hot dogs on rollers. Most of the world will never have any idea why that is so f*****g tragic. But any d****d 7-11 (convenience store) or properly supervised 7-year-old in the world can make hot dogs like that. But you can only make a traditional New York-style boiled hot dog if you're selling hundreds of them a day. It's like finding a German bakery selling a glorified apple turnover as streudel.
Kid Murray 2 days ago
Dirty water hotdogs are a NYC tradition that shouldn't be f***ed with.
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#31
Yea No That's Fair
Bill Swallow 2 days ago (edited)
"Hi!" (surreptitiously ditches basket below the counter) "Can you tell me how to get to Randolph Street?"
Riley Quinn 2 days ago
Folks in my neighborhood know the solo employee at our bodega is probably getting stock in the back or is in the toilet, so we patiently wait.
#32
Sick Powermove
#33
Bonjour
Apatheist 3 days ago
I was very please when I spoke to a French waiter in Paris, in French, and they responded in French.
Chuck the Cat 3 days ago
For some reason, I always find questions funny when they don't have a question mark. I don't know why (it might sound like I'm being sarcastic about the punctuation but I'm not).
CloPotato 1 day ago
I'll never forget that one time when I was younger and shy, I didn't speak super clearly due to being flustered and the lady at the Louvre very kindly replied in English. I was too mortified to clarify that I was French and carried on in English while my sister and her daughter were laughing like silent hyenas on the side. We reply in English to make the other person more at ease but sometimes it kinda fails.
aubergine10003 1 day ago
It's very difficult to absolutely nail the word "croissant" (and I'm saying this as a half-French person)
Anonymous 2 days ago
Sweat pants don't figure much into typical Parisian dress: someone wearing them is most likely an American tourist.
Load More Replies... Rali Meyer 5 hours ago
entered a restaurant in Namibia once, greeted with "Good Morning" Got a response (in German): No need to hide behind a foreign greeting, we know you are german.
J M Ethier 1 day ago
I m a French Canadian/Quebecois and when i went to Paris in 2001 , anywhere i d speak French with my "Quebecois"accent , they would answer me back in English !!!!Duhhhhh !
KatSaidThat 2 days ago
Not entirely accurate. Most will try and help you, at least you have made an effort. Same as other countries.
Load More Replies... #34
The Order
Robert Trebor 3 days ago
Look in Wikipedia for how long a break the Irish took after inventing whiskey
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago
There is a 48 year gap between the invention of canned food and the patent for a dedicated can opener
M O'Connell 2 days ago
We invented spraying paint long before we invented applying it with a roller.
Michael Largey 2 days ago
Simple. There was a lot more money to be made for Big Industry by going to the moon than by putting wheels on luggage.
CloPotato 1 day ago
I live in the town of the man who invented the four-holed button and it delights and baffles me how long people lived with buttons that kept falling off until that one guy just fastened them more solidly. For some reason no one thought of it. Then he left a huge amount of money for good deeds.
Nikolaj Christensen 2 days ago
We got dna manipulation, and yet zippers are one of the most used ways to "effectively" and "quickly" join clothes together...
Tracy Garvin 1 day ago
Also took 100+ years for them to turn the ketchup bottle upside down and put the cap there.
#35
For Breakfast, We'll Do Something Cool, Like Have A Cigarette
Joyce Berman 1 hour ago
I didn't think that was allowed anywhere in Wyoming other than Jackson Hole where people dress just to influence their equally rich friends.
Maya_D 3 days ago
They’re talking about Europeans standing out when visiting America.
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#36
$8.50
Sue User 3 days ago
It's early morning here, below freezing. I would still get in my car and travel to get that.
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Riley Quinn 2 days ago
I'd pay $8.50 for those delectable-looking beans and the mac 'n cheese. Searched thru the Reddit post, but OP never mentioned the restaurant despite numerous commenters begging for it.
#37
The Good Old Days
liam newton-harding 3 days ago
Apple will bring it back as an "upgrade"...Only $200 on the base model!
Austzn 3 days ago
They had to go because they're bulky ports but you can still use wired headphones with the devices' USB port.
Lynchamigsakta 13 hours ago
And the adapters needed for that break in like 4 days
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#38
Gustavo, My Friend
highwaycrossingfrog 2 days ago
Why are we counting them down from 10 though? Are we saying that Gustavo is the ultimate name and every other country is tied on Kermit?
#39
Flat Whites In The Board Room Too
Bill Swallow 2 days ago
A used kitchen sponge is easily more skilled than virtually every C-Suite executive on the planet.
Huddo's sister 3 days ago
Knowing the cost of a barista certification in Australia, I would hope that it does require that sort of skill building, so the cost is worth it.
Rinso The Red 2 days ago
You need a certification to serve coffee in Australia? I thought I was pretty hard core about my coffee, but that's next level
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#40
Maybe The Doctor Will Learn Now
Merry Grinchmas from Grumpy 3 days ago
Triage. Someone else was sicker. Happens to me all the time. So glad I have you guys to see me through my struggles
BookFanatic 2 days ago
I learned very quickly to be grateful for wait times. Because it means I'm not sick enough to get bumped to the front of the line. What's terrifying is when they say "come right through--the doc will see you right away"
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Andy Frobig 2 days ago
I busted my wrists back in '97, and after surgery I had a follow up every 2 weeks. Every time, I would see the surgeon at least 45 minutes after my scheduled time. To me that's just a chronic refusal to be realistic
Bill Swallow 2 days ago
"Oh, my God, you're in *horrible* shape! You should have had this looked at four months ago!" "Well, I called your office *five* months ago, and this was the earliest appointment they would give me."
#41
The Team Up Must Happen
Laura Gillette 3 days ago
It wouldn't work because the straight men would still hit on the lesbians. Or keep asking if they can "watch."
pandamonium 3 days ago
Oh, some of the best friends I have are lesbians. Not all straight men are s.ex-driven pigs.
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David Paterson 3 days ago
Straight men and lesbian women do work together. It's called an office.
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago (edited)
Who says there aren't those bonds? My best friend is lesbian while I'm straight
Rob Stevens 2 days ago
And what is your best friend when you're not straight?
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Gabby Ghoul 3 days ago
I knew a straight man who said he couldn't be friends with a lesbian because she was "competition."
Michael Largey 2 days ago (edited)
Is he friends with other straight men (who would also be "competition")?
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Zombie Andrew 2 days ago
as a straight man who's only close friend is a lesbian woman, I fully support this idea
Laura Lawson 2 days ago
My opinion, based on my experience, is that women feel more comfortable around gay men. We can be ourselves when we don't have to worry about whether we are going to be assaulted or if that 'nice guy' is going to turn creep on us. For the men who are calling this misandry, it's not. This is daily life for a woman. When you have been creeped on & assaulted & a****d by random straight men all your life, you have to assume the worst until proven otherwise. It's a survival technique & if you are pìssed that you are lumped in with these men, then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! Don't moan & complain, teach your sons, your brothers, your fathers, your friends that women are not to be treated this way. Speak up & stand up! The only way we can fix this is together.
Nicole Weymann 2 days ago
My personal pet peeve is the derogatory use of "friend zone". I am sorry for peopla whose romantic feelings are not reciprocated, but many of those "friend zone talks" give the impression that the victims never were interested in being friends, and only ever played the part as the necessary first step towards bed. In which case: how do they think women feel upon learning that the whole relationship was basically a worthless (to the men) lie? To me being "girlfriend zoned" is at least as bad.
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Riley Quinn 2 days ago
I agree. Lesbians excel at breaking the social expectations of masculinity, so cis men would benefit from their tutelage.
TMac 2 days ago
They're there, they just look different. Less Queer Eye, more extended work buds, just like straight guys in general. Not that rare; one of my faves, she and I built (for a larger company) some amazing products together. Twice a week her "wife" (before the term was really in-use, but we used it) would drive up around 4pm and pick ME up to go play volleyball with, with other people. We'd return about 90 minutes later, I'd get out, the wife would switch seats and my coworker would drive them off.
#42
Jared Leto
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago
Given how they keep producing flops for like 10 years it's clearly not money that they are after
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Toothless Feline 1 day ago
Jared Leto is the ONLY reason I didn’t go see Tron: Ares in the theater. I’m a lifelong fan of the franchise, and the bad reviews weren’t enough to deter me. I just couldn’t get over the idea of paying $11 to watch a Jared Leto movie. He should stop acting and stick to making mediocre rock music.
Jaya 2 days ago
That's why he won an Oscar, because he's not a good actor. 🙄 He's really good in some movies and totally acceptable in a lot of other movies. Sometimes it feels like people have seen him as the Joker, hated him there, and assume that it means he can't act. Which is a weird assumption, sometimes actors choose a weird way to act a certain character (or get asked by the director to play the character that way), that doesn't mean they can't act.
lliannan 16 hours ago
I mean, Babe the Gallant Pig was nominated for an Oscar. Not sure it means as much as you think.
Load More Replies... #43
I’d Like To Buy A Burger
Owen 2 days ago (edited)
Sometimes I miss being 19 and working at a McD*nald's on the night shift. Night customers are crazy, so you've got to go crazy back. If it's 3am, every customer is insane. They talk sh*t to you, you give it back. If you can make someone laugh, they won't get angry or stab you. Talk to me for more terrible life lessons.
Jaya 2 days ago
Hi Owen! Can I have one more terrible life lesson please? :)
Load More Replies... #44
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
DeShotz 3 days ago
For those of you wondering why this even is a question, putting Big Bird on the Challenger was seriously discussed, but they realized that the costume would not fit on the shuttle. That’s when NASA decided to go with the teacher in space instead.
nicholas nolan 2 days ago
Are you telling me that when I watched those people die, live in my classroom, that I might have also been watching Big Bird die? Jesus Christ...
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Niels AirMax 2 days ago
For me, it's cats, wristwatches and guns. And pranks and fails. That a red flag? 😯
ID 2 days ago
To me, that would be a 4 / 5. But if she thinks that it's a green flag, this test apparently works
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M O'Connell 3 days ago
I was sucked into watching: "500 Modern Troops Vs 10,000 Uruk-Hai - Tactical Analysis of Helms Deep" which was actually rather fascinating from a military strategy standpoint.
Load More Replies... #45
Telling Them To Grow Up While Acting Childish Is Ironic
UKGrandad 3 days ago
I wouldn't be too upset to be criticised by somebody who thinks that 'a office' is acceptable.
pandamonium 3 days ago
Wow. Let them bask in their monochromatic, tie-wearing, fun-lacking, serious-spoken dull lives. My inner child dies only when I die. Have fun, wear a colourful hat and get a bunch of balloons just in spite!
QuincyForrest 2 days ago
Anybody who comments pejoratively on my food, that only I am eating and it's not affecting anyone else and that I am not asking anyone else to eat, doesn't realize where the true problem lies. Same goes for anybody who criticizes my clothes, my haircut, my car. I'm not asking you to dress like me or wear your hair like me or drive my brand and model of car. How about zipping your lip and stop trying to make my exclusively private business your own? WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?
#46
Technology Is Getting Out Of Hand
Rick Murray 3 days ago
Why do we accept devices that fail to function without the mothership's permission? It's a bed. There is nothing at all about making a bed move that *needs* to be handled externally. Just give it a button and a cheap-årse microcontroller (ironically cheaper than whatever they're using) and job done.
Gabby Ghoul 3 days ago
Of course, but if there is nothing done externally, the company cannot gather data about your sleep habits and there is no monthly fee to extract from you.
Load More Replies... Lukas (he/him, it/its) 2 days ago
I think with these, they were stuck in the upright position and at a super high temperature, or something? No clue why that would be the "default" mode during an outage, you'd think it would be completely flat and room temperature.
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago
At this point there should be a law against exploiting idiots, like people who actually buy mattresses that require an always online internet connection
QuincyForrest 2 days ago
Oh, I don't know. Exploiting idiots that think beds have to be "smart" in order that you can sleep in them, maybe they deserve to be fleeced. And I would, except I have a conscience.
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Mongo Marcia 2 days ago
A friend gave me an expensive electric toothbrush. It is Bluetooth enabled. I have never used that feature.
Philly Bob 2 days ago (edited)
I'm waiting on a refrigerator that requires a subscription to use it. If you don't pay, it locks your food in and shuts off leaving you with spoiled food you can't remove.
Science Nerd 2 days ago
If they could not sleep, they might want to watch the ads on their Samsung refrigerator to pass the time.
Cuppa tea? 2 days ago
Why anyone needs bed to be connected to anything else than bedframe and mattress? What's next, online faucet?
Amberlie Mikelsen 1 day ago
A box on a wire with 4 buttons: head ^/v, foot ^/v. Some technology seriously just needs to be stupid.
#47
Klarna Car Purchase
liam newton-harding 3 days ago
Except Carvana is now unable to do business in quite a few States...they are a little "flexible" about ownership...titles...and do you really need to "own" a car, if you are going to sell it through us?
Load More Replies... nicholas nolan 2 days ago
I still don't understand the idea of no test driving the actual vehicle you're going to take home.
Michael Largey 2 days ago
I'm quite tall, and part of the test drive is seeing if I can even fit it the car.
Load More Replies... #48
"Let's Ride Nick Fury"
V 3 days ago
Go to a country with universal healthcare because even going private in one of those countries would be a fraction of that.
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago
Honestly, flying to Europe to go to a hospital for treatment and flying back is probably still cheaper than being treated in the US
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Amberlie Mikelsen 1 day ago
Only surgery I can think of that would cost that much is prototype cybernetic, in which case, it's experimental, meaning the company should be paying all associated costs, follow-up care, AND paying her to participate!
#49
“Long Neck”
BrunoVI 2 days ago
Ah, the ability to run bipedally with effective speed is what made dinosaurs the terror of the Earth for 200 million years. And no, that Sauropod can't run bipedally, but his ancestors could run with most of their weight on their hind legs until they evolved to be so large that running away from your predators was irrelevant. Mammals' legs are directly under their hips, which allows for quick movement without wear, but restricts their ability to run and breathe quick and deeply at the same time. Humans' ability to run for dozens of miles makes us absolutely unique among surviving animals.
Load More Replies... CloPotato 1 day ago
The contrast between your disgruntled name and your comment got me a chuckle 😄
Load More Replies... #50
Silence Is Gold
Rodriquez 1 day ago
Are you really that thick that you're asking a Reddit screenshot a question?
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AtMostAFabulist 2 days ago
I did the same thing on a Teams meeting. I was working from home and the person speaking was annoying the heck out of me. It took me 3 tries before I realized the person was muted for everyone. Bwahahahaha!!
Rali Meyer 5 hours ago
watched a music video one, The Zoo. Third time around a realized it was still on mute
AuntKaren12 2 days ago
Got included in a work group text over the holidays generated by our resident overly enthusiastic person. I immediately chose to leave the conversation. One of my coworkers texted me shortly and said "You crack me up!"
#51
Vending Machine!
QuincyForrest 2 days ago
I'm old enough to remember and to have used a floppy disk that was actually floppy. Well, slightly flexible.
FlamingoPanda 3 days ago
Once seen, cannot unsee. The save icon is now one of those weird pictures that flip between two options for me like the two faces and vase image.
Riley Quinn 2 days ago
I get a kick they still use the floppy disk symbol. There're only a few of us left that know what a floppy disk is, and most of them work at NASA.
Rali Meyer 5 hours ago (edited)
had a Mac user on a WindowsPC asking me in 1992, where is the "Disc" icon?
#52
A Warning ⚠️
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago
Where do they draw it on? Here in Germany there is a little fondont carrot on each piece
TiNaBoNiNa 2 days ago
When it is a large cake, there is generally a large fondant carrot in the middle.
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K_Tx 2 days ago
The carrot to remind (or trick) us into thinking it's a healthy side dish. I choose to believe!
Untamed Snark 2 days ago
Add cream cheese icing and you've hit 2 of the food groups,
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Merry Grinchmas from Grumpy 3 days ago
I miss carrot cake. I do have carrots but strawberry cake mix 🤔🤔🤔
#53
All Hail The LOL
hansu 2 days ago
And I've accumulated enough a** to laugh some of it off.
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Mark Alexander 2 days ago
Because if you're old enough to remember "rofl" you're too old to get up off the floor.
V 3 days ago
I would happily lmao, but ROFL would take me three days to recover from these days.
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Trophy Husband 2 days ago
It started out as rotfl, and apparently that was too long, so people dropped a letter. I remember putting rotcl instead (ceiling) and people thought I was funny. Also lol originally meant lots of love, and that changed fast, but occasionally I forget and think it's the other. Anyone remember pager codes?
KatSaidThat 2 days ago
Last time I rolled on the floor it was after a drunken handstand and I will not be voluntarily be rolling on the floor again. I was definitely too old for that.
#54
AI Bros Are Cooked
#55
All That Scrolling Just For Comic Sans
Owen 3 days ago
I think we can all agree, if anything needs to die, it's comic sans. And a few overly powerful people.
michael reid 3 days ago
Nothing wrong with comic sans. But seriously, type NYC in webdings. Then type it in wingdings. You'll be surprised
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Riley Quinn 2 days ago
Had a friend who set her default font to Comic Sans. Her documents, spreadsheets, emails, all of it, in Comic Sans.
#56
This Made Me Laugh Way More Than It Should Have 😭
#57
What You Doing In This Situation?
Paul C. 2 days ago
We used to go to our local curry house and became friends with the older Indian owner. He would often sit down with us and chat, as time went on he would bring us different dishes to try.....on the house. It was a tough job but someone had to do it!
Mike F 2 days ago
Oh yes. We had a local Indian place and because we were "virgins" the owners adopted us and would often come sit with us and chat. I missed that place when it was sold and became (of all things) a funeral parlor. It's how I learned about the different varieties of naan and deserts.
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 2 days ago
Power move, perhaps. I've waited tables, and with certain customers, esp. the regulars, sitting and having a chat isn't uncommon.
Gracie Lou 2 days ago
That happened once at I think it was an Outback. My 80 year old grandpa looked so confused and uncomfortable.
wobbly jelly 2 days ago
many years ago we went to a very nice (small) French restaurant in England, as we went in the door was locked behind us - it was the last table. At the end on the meal O/H asked waitress if she could smoke, was told the night before it was like smog, but yes, although if she did her husband the chef would appear, within a minute, he came from kitchen pulled up a chair to join her with a smoke, ordered more coffee and brandy for us, additional deserts and treats and we sat and gassed for 30m about cooking and skills.
#58
90% Of Horror Films Can Be Avoided By Not Going Anywhere
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago
Texas Chainsaw M******e - I'm on the other end of the world, what the f♥♥♥ do I have to worry about a killer in Texas?
HistoryNerd 2 days ago
I love it. Simple, effective, leaves you with many other choices. Simply brilliant response.
Bill Swallow 2 days ago
Nope, not Midsummer Murders. That's a (fictional) county in England. 'Midsommar' (2019) is a movie - "A couple travels to Northern Europe to visit a rural hometown's fabled Swedish mid-summer festival. What begins as an idyllic retreat quickly devolves into an increasingly violent and bizarre competition at the hands of a pagan cult."
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Amberlie Mikelsen 1 day ago
Phantasm, and I'm moving to Alaska with a "winter" job in Antarctica, cuz that 🐟 💩 hates the cold.
Riley Quinn 2 days ago
90% Of Horror Films Can Be Avoided By Not Going. The 10% watched being sci-fi horror.
emlab kerba 2 days ago
I'd definitely go to Sweden for Midsommar. And I'd bring my dumbest freinemies. And I'd be the may queen and they'd be (spoiler)
#59
Maybe Today's The Day
Bunny Wood 3 days ago
Jam it demon cheese. Ive spilled whole casseroles since then. You don't scare me
#60
It Can't Be That Old
Robert Millar 3 days ago
Same as me, a cluster of random rocks coming together to form a planet.
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FreeDragon 2 days ago
My age? Who do you think god was talking to when he said "Let there be light!".
Rick Murray 3 days ago
I can fact check Stranger Things because I was about that age at about that era.
I am John 2 days ago
My Dundonian Granny told my son last week "I never much liked that Hitler". 192-?
WFH Forever 2 days ago
My dad fought in WWII and carefully packed a go bag for Canada during the Vietnam war for my brothers - just in case their lottery numbers came up.
Load More Replies... Bill Swallow 2 days ago
1954. People were still saying "I Like Ike" and the only thing orbiting the Earth was the Moon. The US had 48 states. On the entire *planet*, there was not one single integrated circuit, let alone a microprocessor chip.
nottheactualphoto 2 days ago
Yet there were CPUs. Gargantuan and slow, but CPUs nonetheless.
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#61
"Older" Women
Philly Bob 2 days ago
She'd be 27 if 1998. I'm 67.... that would be creepy! Especially since I'm not a billionaire.
Khavrinen 2 days ago
"Wrapped in white linen, as cold as the clay..." ( Almost nobody born after 1998 is going to get that one. )
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Out of chocolate 2 days ago
But it’s also the arthritis ;) on the other hand, I can now predict the weather better than NOAA
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TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago (edited)
AmaLee hit 33 this year and therefor is officially a member of the H*g-streamers ^^ (Fandom joke) - Also BP censors the word H A G ?
Andy Frobig 2 days ago
I felt like a cradle robber when I married a woman who was born in 1977
Merry Grinchmas from Grumpy 3 days ago
Dont worry ladies, I'm welll past my selllby and useby dates. Im moldy as a stinky cheese
#62
Sql Injection Done Right
Betty Spaghetti 3 days ago (edited)
Ok but what if the website/app in question doesn’t let me?
Rick Murray 3 days ago
Then maybe it's an SQL problem and one needs to call their newborn " Robert'); DROP TABLE Students; "?
Load More Replies... nottheactualphoto 2 days ago
The fields of /etc/passwd are separated by colons. I don't know what a stealer log is.
Rodriquez 1 day ago
Passkeys have other problems. Especially if the provider you're using has a problem.
Load More Replies... #63
Got Any To Add?
TiNaBoNiNa 2 days ago
What? So, does this mean you didn't eat it and then spit it back up, either?
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Cecilie Hammershøy 2 days ago
The ice cream truck only rings it's bell/music, when it's out of ice cream
KatSaidThat 2 days ago (edited)
The ice cream van does not play music only when they are out of ice cream. Also, Santa...
#64
The Artist
#65
What A Hustler
LinkTheHylian 11 hours ago
That guy is... the WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORST!
Load More Replies... #66
....you Sure Like Soup
BookFanatic 2 days ago
Sometimes it's a good thing. I used to buy a small jalapeno pizza from our local joint every week. Always the same guy behind the counter. Finally he asked me what the deal was. It was for my mother, who was end-of-life and the jalapenos were the only thing she would eat. In amazing English he said "For Mama? No charge til...no. No charge!" Every time I came in... "Mama! How's mama today?"
Jp@nda 2 days ago
I'm sorry you lost her, but I'm glad that you found kindness along the way
Load More Replies... Phantom Phoenix 3 days ago (edited)
I love being a regular. I fondly remember my calls for a pizza being answered by one of the business owners or their daughter, my voice being recognised and being asked if I wanted my usual! Good times
Doug Moyer 2 days ago
I love being a regular at my local brewery! Never pay full price for any beer!
Talis 3 days ago
One should be able to "delete cookies" at will and become unknown again, especially if you could do it on a per-person basis. Or incognito mode!
nottheactualphoto 2 days ago
Fun fact about Chrome: incognito mode isn't.
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Howl's sleeping castle 3 days ago
My biryani guy said in front of my ex that I eat biryani a lot. I stopped buying from him. It wasn't the sentence, it was the tone.
Diandra “Mss Didi” Blackthorn 18 hours ago
So what if you do like soup? WHY are you caring about someone's judgement of you -- especially the guy whose business you're supporting. Next time tell him, "And aren't you the richer for it?"
#67
They Had Different Standards Back Then
Philly Bob 2 days ago
R Lee Ermey... funny, he's with Vincent D'onofrio... one hell of an actor!
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#68
That Means A Divorce Would Be A Subscription Cancellation
David Morgan 2 days ago
And, like dating, often the costs go up and the provided service drops, once the trial period is over...
#69
Is .. Is Ryan Ok?
Svenne O'Lotta 2 days ago
Don't forget that Justin Timberlake was legally his brother for a while
Riley Quinn 2 days ago
I hate this about myself, but I intensely dislike Timberlake, and I don't have a rational reason.
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 2 days ago
This all may be true, but from what I've seen of him and read about him, this is no longer who he is.
#70
My Parent’s Would Flip Out If It Was Me🤣
Owen 3 days ago
What if he had a basketball tournament instead? It's his hobby and he likes it. That's fine.
M M 3 days ago (edited)
I guess that they were less understanding when OP wanted to play in his age.
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Alder 2 days ago
I'm more confused that it sounds like the family went off for lunch and left the 7-year-old?
QuincyForrest 2 days ago
By the time I was seven I could fend for myself in the house and be trusted to not burn the place down. And I never did burn the house down. Neighbor's house, not so lucky. (Just kidding!) I wasn't allowed to use the stove, but cold sandwiches and cereal and snack foods was all I needed to get by for twelve hours. I did know how to use the bathroom all by myself, you know. And how to use the telephone in an emergency. What's the big deal these days about leaving a seven year-old on his own for a couple of hours? What society is this that thinks this is some form of child neglect? And what kind of society demands a child attend some ritual "weekend family lunch" to the exclusion of all other diversions?
Load More Replies... #71
We All Do
#72
Is There Any Actual Reason To Announce Movies So Early?
KatSaidThat 2 days ago
Can we normalise not having to buy gig tickets a year in advance again.
Talis 2 days ago
But can anything happen to throw off the date? OK, a war. A pandemic. A strike of writers or actors. Financial issues. A big accident. But apart from that?!?
Moonie Pinkslip 2 days ago
So to me, that's 7 September. To Americans, 9 July. So when TF is it coming out???
Load More Replies... #73
Colourblind
Kitsune Nocturne 2 days ago
There are YouTube videos that can show you exactly what it looks like.
Load More Replies... TiNaBoNiNa 2 days ago
Originally, psych, as in playing a mind game. The spelling has become corrupted over time.
Load More Replies... TiNaBoNiNa 2 days ago
He thought he put a red square instead of the green one.
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#74
Mountain
#75
I Don't Even Have A Thermostat 🙁
Andy Frobig 2 days ago
Haven't you heard? It'll be fahrenheit everywhere starting next year, but the new name will be trumpenheit
Load More Replies... Forrest Hobbs 2 days ago
Barry Patterson: it's been just plain "kelvin" since 1967/1968 and Resolution 3 of the 13th General Conference on Weights and Measures (CGPM because: French). 78°F is 25 5/9 °C or about 298.7 K.
Load More Replies... Ace 3 days ago
I bet if it were 78F outside she'd have the aircon set to 60F inside. (26C and 16C resp)
Min 2 days ago
And that's how we can tell you live in a country that considers 78f a hot summer day. 🤣
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Razill 2 days ago
My husband an i compromised at 78 for summer - i prefer closer to 84, he likes 70
Forrest Hobbs 2 days ago
Razill: Hmm. 70°F is 21.1°C - too hot for my liking. 84°F is nearly 29°C - pretty much unbearable for me with the humidity in my part of the world. At 78°F = 25.6°C, I just sweat even when sitting still. It's horrible.
Load More Replies... Rali Meyer 4 hours ago (edited)
For all: The Fahrenheit scale originated from when cattle can survive in the open. (0F to 100F)
#76
“Whats Your Music Taste” “Uhh... Algorithm”
Mark Wilson 3 days ago
I had friends in high school who would just buy whatever was on promotion at Sam Goody or Tower Records, more or less he same thing
camomooey 3 days ago
I used to buy albums that had interesting covers and/or were on the weekly sale at our local record store, and I found some of the best music doing that. For instance, Molly Hatchet. I had never heard of them but I bought them anyway because of the (medieval?) looking cover, and they were amazing.
Load More Replies... Jaya 2 days ago
I used to have a friend who didn't care about music. She never listened to music unless someone put something on, she had no favorite bands or songs, didn't own a radio or a single CD. It's absolutely wild to me, I can't even begin to fathom what life is like without loving music.
Marnie 2 days ago
My Mom was like that. She just got nothing out of music. I could never understand it. I also can't understand how 4 of her 5 children really loved music in their various ways. Also, when I was about 11, she sat at the piano one day and played some really fast complicated waltz flawlessly like she'd been practicing for weeks. I didn't know she could play the piano! Never saw her play before or after that day.
Load More Replies... Brian Droste 2 days ago (edited)
I listen to the radio when driving. Most of the time I don't know the artist who is singing the songs unless the dj for some reason mentions who the artist is.
#77
Ryanair 😅
ॐBoyGanesh 3 days ago (edited)
The biggest setback to actualizing this is for the airlines to illustrate they can still evacuate the aircraft in 90 seconds. High-density, LCC & ULCC flying single-aisle aircraft, such as the 737 & A321 do so with an extra over-wing emergency exit on each side. Increasing the capacity to standing only class would require full emergency exit doors. This may not simply be adding the door, like with the over-wing exits, but a redesign because more doors may question structural integrity of the aircraft. Also, ADA compliance.
Gabby Ghoul 3 days ago
Flying was once a luxurious (if expensive) experience. Now airliners are just diesel buses with wings.
#78
Flashback
Lukas (he/him, it/its) 2 days ago
Not sure why this is getting downvoted, but Schaffrillas is a Youtuber I watch.
Load More Replies... #79
This Happened To My Buddy Eric
Owen 3 days ago
This is top secret insider information, but all fast food workers are stealing fries. And always will.
Ace 3 days ago
A Wagon wheel is flatter, less rounded. That looks more like an American Moon Pie.
Load More Replies... #80
Uh Oh
detective miller's hat 2 days ago
VERY. I took all of last week off for Christmas and the bedlam I walked into this morning has me hiding in the loo.
Load More Replies... LinkTheHylian 3 days ago
Boss: "Can we have a quick chat in private?" Employee: "Uh-oh... what did I do?" Boss: "Actually you've been doing such a good job we think you're ready to take on more responsibility." Employee: "Seriously... what did I do?"
Danielle 2 days ago
When I was 22 we were finishing up a big contract, it was my first job and I was very keen to impress. At the end of the closure meeting the customer, a very impressive/scary woman in her 50s took me aside and said 'word of advice Danielle, don't let them know just how much you are capable of until you have a bit more power'.
#82
*morgan Freeman Voice* "They Didn't Delete It"
TotallyNOTAFox 3 days ago (edited)
Wait, is this about the website that provided women with a space to rate men and be generally nasty and then got all their data leaked? (Spill The Tea or something like that)
#83
A Great Darkness
#84
No Bc I Genuinely Feel Insane
Chich the witch 2 days ago
You read articles about how many people's IQ is just above allowing them to dress themselves and think that can't be right. Then you see something like this.
Bill Swallow 2 days ago
Then factor in that an IQ of '100' represents the average of the population. The *CURRENT* average. I am firmly convinced that a 100 IQ from 1940 would be off the charts today.
Load More Replies... Nikki Sevven 1 day ago
I peruse the menu online and have my order ready before I even leave the house, like a normal person.
#85
The Whole Club Was Looking At Her, Too
Nikki Sevven 1 day ago
What I don't get is how she's simultaneously wearing Apple Bottom jeans, boots with the fur, baggy sweatpants, AND the Reeboks with the straps.
nottheactualphoto 2 days ago
This don't make no sense. In spite of others' quotes of this Flo person.
FlamingZombies 2 days ago
In case you've never heard Flo Rida's Low: Shawty had them Apple Bottom jeans, jeans Boots with the fur, with the fur
Load More Replies... #86
I’m Sure It Meant A Lot To Her
Vexed Panda 2 days ago
We used to have this 10yr old boy come in and give us a buck for a 70 cent candy bar, tell us to keep the change, then wink at us on his way out. We made predictions about that kid.
#87
Gambling Just Got A Whole Lot More Fun
LinkTheHylian 3 days ago
When the player before you lays down a +4 it's time to grab the noose.
KatSaidThat 2 days ago
Depends on how savage your rules are - we have no limit on how many +4s can be dropped. And if you play with two decks, can verify a record of 38 cards picked up due to an outstanding round of +2s on top of which a +4 can be dropped, leading to a round of those... Not sure my brother ever recovered.
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nottheactualphoto 2 days ago
Neither do I. I suspect Uno was invented after I had outgrown such things.
Load More Replies... #88
Honestly Glad Myself He Did
Merry Grinchmas from Grumpy 3 days ago
Well he hated Twilight and acted creepy and dull on purpose. Timothy Dalton was the best Heathcliff. Fight me!
#89
Above My Pay Grade
nicholas nolan 2 days ago
I did, and he still couldn't tell me what was wrong with the HVAC system on my 2012 Fiat 500.
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#90
Literal Npc Behavior
Min 2 days ago (edited)
How did she make it? (Honest curiosity, not snark)
Load More Replies... #91
Is This Finally The Moment To Say It?
Christopher Walkies 1 day ago
But you've completely misunderstood her. She means that many boyfriends are too dumb to meet that supposed average of thinking about the Romans every day.
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Jacob Huggins 2 days ago
As a verified non-boyfriend, I can confirm I have never thought about the Roman Empire
Merry Grinchmas from Grumpy 3 days ago
I wish the Holland brothers could move past the actual.Nutzies
#92
Based Grandma
Doug Moyer 2 days ago
It's so strange to young people that us old people don't have stereotypical old people tastes...
#93
Fair But I Still Don’t Get It
Lukas (he/him, it/its) 2 days ago
Don't you dare insult Markiplier like that (this is a joke/meant in a lighthearted silly way)
Load More Replies... Jaya 2 days ago
The Juan meme still makes me laugh out loud, so I really shouldn't be allowed to criticize other people's nonsensical humor 😄
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