Bluebee
Community Member
0 posts
40 comments
331 upvotes
120 points
This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.
Bluebee • upvoted 20 items 8 months ago
Dark Jokes
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.
Dark Jokes
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Dark Jokes
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
Dark Jokes
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"Dark Jokes
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
Dark Jokes
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Former-Burglars-Share-Tips-To-Avoid-Being-Robbed
This will get burried, but here we go. Not a burglar but some broke into my family's house 4 or 5 years ago when we were out on a concert. They checked everything - took all money and jewelry they could find. Except! My room was a mess to begin with. I left piles of clothes on the floor, my study desk messy af, left piles of papers on both desk and floor (i was in a hurry before we all left and was searching for something I can quite remember now. Now. I had 800⏠and golden earrings on my desk, just sitting there. The burglars opened the doors... and didn't move a thing. Left my 800⏠and golden earrings alone and moved to another room. From then on I have been using this as an excuse why I don't need to clean up my room.Show All 20 Upvotes
Bluebee • commented on 3 posts 8 months ago
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Bluebee • upvoted 17 items 9 months ago
Show All 17 Upvotes
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Bluebee • commented on 3 posts 8 months ago
Bluebee • commented on 17 posts 9 months ago
Bluebee • upvoted 20 items 8 months ago
Dark Jokes
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."Dark Jokes
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."Dark Jokes
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.Dark Jokes
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."Dark Jokes
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.Dark Jokes
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"Former-Burglars-Share-Tips-To-Avoid-Being-Robbed
This will get burried, but here we go. Not a burglar but some broke into my family's house 4 or 5 years ago when we were out on a concert. They checked everything - took all money and jewelry they could find. Except! My room was a mess to begin with. I left piles of clothes on the floor, my study desk messy af, left piles of papers on both desk and floor (i was in a hurry before we all left and was searching for something I can quite remember now. Now. I had 800⏠and golden earrings on my desk, just sitting there. The burglars opened the doors... and didn't move a thing. Left my 800⏠and golden earrings alone and moved to another room. From then on I have been using this as an excuse why I don't need to clean up my room.
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