Ahhh, rocks - the blandest things on Earth. They lay around for millennia without doing much. They come in the bleakest shades of gray, and they impose their authority by being basically immobile. Also, by inflicting pain on your big toe if you're not careful enough. On the other hand, the same qualities make them unbelievably funny. Don't believe it? Well then, check out these impossible rock jokes we've compiled on this list and try to keep a stone-cold face while reading them. We double dare you.
So, jokes about rocks, am I right? The topic sounds as clumsy as the culprit itself, and you're still doubting that these silly jokes will make you laugh. But you know, time and again, we've proved that the lamer the topic, the funnier the jokes. And the same goes for these jokes about stones! If before reading them you wouldn't even dare to think about being amused the slightest bit, then once you're done, you might find yourself wet with tears of joy and abs cramping from hysterical hee-hawing. Well, for one, it did happen to us, and we cannot say we were entirely displeased with the experience. So, hopefully, these funny jokes about rocks will cast the same spell on you.
Well then, are you ready for some very charming stone jokes that we've prepared? If so, scroll on down below and check them out! After you're done reading and have cleaned the fountains of joyous tears from your cheeks, give the best jokes your vote and share this article with your friends.
Why was the geologist sad?
Because his marriage was on the rocks.
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What do lazy rocks do?
Sit around all day getting stoned.
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Which magazine do rocks subscribe to?
The Rolling Stone.
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My wife told me she is thinking about selling Egyptian rocks.
It sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.
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Why was the sedimentary rock collection so cheap?
Because it was on Shale.
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What did the rock do when it rolled down the road?
It rock 'n' rolled.
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What did the one volcano say to the other volcano?
Nice ash!
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What do you call it when two carbons are in a relationship?
Carbon dating.
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Why were the rock couple breaking up?
Because they took each other for granite.
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Why was the geologist confused at the new mineral he discovered?
Because its whereabouts weren't crystal clear.
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Why did the rock decide to hit the gym?
Because he wanted to be bigger and boulder.
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Why did the rock couple break up?
Because they couldn't comet to each other.
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Why did the two volcanoes face problems in their relationship?
Because they were star crossed lavas.
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What do you call a criminal rock?
Scum of the Earth.
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Where do the posh stones live?
Rockefeller Street!
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What do you call a rock that bunks school?
A skipping stone.
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What is rock's favorite fruit?
A pome-granite.
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Why was the gemstone scared for his exams?
Because he thought he wasn't going topaz.
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Why don't the giant limestones like the smaller ones?
Because they don't like small chalk.
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Why was the coal's alibi suspicious?
Because it wasn't crystal clear.
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Why was the rock unprogressive?
Because it was stuck in the Stonehenge!
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When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
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What did the young rock say about failing his tests?
I don't want to talc about it.
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Why did the rock choke at his stand up show?
Because there was too much pressure.
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Why were the rock couple getting a divorce?
Because their relationship had eroded!
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Why was the geologist boring at the party?
Because he liked to be stone-cold sober!
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How does a geologist show their displeasure?
They give the coal shoulder.
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Why did the rock have seizures on seeing the light show?
Because it was epilithic.
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May the quartz be with you!
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I’m going to look for gems this weekend, and I may need your assi-stones.
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What's a geologist’s favorite restaurant?
Hard Rock Cafe.
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What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I lava you so much.
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Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
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Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
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Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
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What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
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What did the diamond say to its friend copper?
Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
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Why isn’t it safe for a rock to marry a piece of paper?
Because paper beats rock.
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Who is a geologist’s favorite actor?
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
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What is a geologist’s favorite type of music?
Hard rock.
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Why do hipsters like rocks?
They’re underground.
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Did you hear about the rock dating the stone?
It was not just a plutonic relationship.
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How was the rock and the stone’s relationship at first?
Solid.
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What did the geologist say when he collected 69 rocks?
Gneiss.
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Why was the boulder emotionless?
Because it had a heart of stone.
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Why was the meteor shower that wiped out the dinosaurs necessary for Earth?
Because it was for the crater good.
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What do they do with a dead geologist?
They barium.
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Why was the geologist considering changing his profession?
Because he had hit rock bottom.
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Why was the geologist puzzled at the comedy show?
Because some of the jokes fluorite over his head.
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Why did the geologist drown?
Because he was below C-level.
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Why did the rock take spoken English lessons?
To help it talk boulder.
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Why was the geologist arrested?
Because he got caught for pyrite-ing.
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What did the rock order at the bar?
Soda on the rocks.
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Why do geologists tell old jokes?
Because they dig them out!
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Why are miners carefree?
Because they mine their own business!
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What do you call a rock that complains?
A whine-stone!
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Why was the beach sad?
Because it had been shingle all its life.
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What did the geologist tell his apprentice?
"Either don't do it or diorite!"
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Why was the geologist's dietician worried about him?
Because he looked stony!
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What do you call an unpleasant pebble?
A rude-ite.
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Why was the limestone sad?
Because dissolving was a karst!
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Why was the ground concerned after the earthquake?
Because it became the epi-center of attention!
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Why did the geologist not go out at night?
Because he wanted to wait tillite!
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Pass.
Pass who?
Pass the basalt, please!
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Nothing to quarry about — you’ll do great on your science exam!
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I’m coal as a cucumber!
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My rock collection has so much sedimental value.
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You know the old saying — igneous is bliss.
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A tour of a volcano would really magma day.
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It takes a boulder person to read through this list of puns.
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What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
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What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
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Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
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Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know some really “dirty” jokes.
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Who is a geologist’s favorite comedian?
Chris Rock.
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What kind of rocks are sour?
Limestone.
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I saw a sign that said “Falling rocks”.
I tried. It doesn’t.
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I’m not sure why rocks cost so much in England.
I mean, one stone is 14 pounds for crying out loud!
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Why did the rocks bury themselves under the earth?
Because it was their strata-gy to hide!
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Why did the tectonic plates break up?
Because there was friction between them.
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What do you call a dubious rock?
A shamrock.
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What do geologists use for hygiene?
Geoderant.
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What did the geologist girlfriend tell her boyfriend before breaking up?
It's not you; it's the fault in our stars.
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What can't minerals lie?
Because they're in their pure form.
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Why was the geologist unable to figure out the age of the newly discovered rock?
Because they couldn't get an app-rocks-imate reading of the period.
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Why was the geologist so stunned at his fame?
Because it was a meteoric rise!
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Why are igneous rocks hipsters?
Because they were magma before it was cool!
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Why was the limestone arrested?
For Basalt and Battery.
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Why are limestones ignored?
Because they're too chalkative for their liking.
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What did the miner say when he was asked to take over his friend's shift?
"Don't quarry I've got this!"
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What happened to the rock after continuous hours of interrogation?
It finally cracked!
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Why were the limestones inseparable?
Because they were a tufa one deal!
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Why was the rock hesitant to start his work?
Because he was stuck in corundum!
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What happens when you throw a stone at a phone?
It gets bricked!
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What do geologists use to clean themselves?
Soapstone.
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What is a geologist's favorite breakfast?
Granola-r.
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Why was the geologist displeased with his birthday gift?
Because all he got was a lousy chert!
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How do you get a geologist girlfriend?
You best esker out!
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What do baby rock wear?
Diapirs.
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cirque.
Cirque who?
Cirque and you will find it!
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Shale.
Shale who?
Shale, we dance?!
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Geode.
Geode who?
Geode bless you!
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The geologist was found guilty in a quartz of law.
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I’ve had a rough day, but I don’t want to chalk about it.
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Sherrock Holmes’ famous line is: “Sedimentary, my dear Watstone.”
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How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
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Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
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What did the one volcano say to the other volcano?
"Hey, do you want to be my lava?"
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Why don’t geologists argue?
They’re too pelite.
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Why was the criminal rock acquitted?
Because his alibi was rock solid.
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Why was the geologist never hungry?
Because he lost his apatite.
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Why did the miner get angry at little things?
Because he couldn't keep his coal.
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Where do rocks sleep?
In bedrocks.
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What did the boy rock do before his geography test?
Rosetta stone-d the syllabus.
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Why was the geologist tired of his tedious work?
Because it was mostly boring.
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What did the smaller volcano say after it saw the larger one erupt?
"That's a tuff act to follow."
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What happened after the geologist finished his work?
It was a lode off his shoulders.
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Why was the boulder unbothered by its broken piece?
Because it was just a fragment of his existence!
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Why was the brick so arrogant?
Because it was the cornerstone of a large building!
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Where do you take an injured rock?
To the Rocktor!
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Why was the rock not quick to jump to a conclusion?
Because it was a bit pegmatite!
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Why did the geologist turn on the TV?
Because he wanted to see the feld-spar against each other.
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What happened to sediments that were blown away by the air?
It turned out to be a colossal loess for a lot of people.
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Why did the geologist quit his job?
Because he wanted to start on a clean slate.
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What did the doctor prescribe to the sick geologist?
Tech-tonic.
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Why was the geologist agitated?
Because he had lost his marbles!
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Why did the Geologist binge-watch Lost?
Because he loved the Island Arc.
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What does a geologist who works as a part-time musician play?
A drum-lin!
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Gneiss.
Gneiss who?
Gneiss to meet you!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Trick.
Trick who?
Trick ore treat!
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This book about rocks is a fascinating pebble-cation.
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Did you see the geologist towing a crate of rocks behind his car?
He had a wide lode sign.
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The new geology teacher hasn’t had it easy — he got off to a rocky start.
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What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
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How did the rock feel when he got covered in algae?
He was lichen it.
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Which rock group is made up of four men who can’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
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Why was the geologist let go from his job?
Because he was an alkalic.
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What happened to the geologist who immersed himself entirely in studies?
He went mantle!
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Why was the geologist disgusted by the coarse sand fragments?
Because he found them to be grus!
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What would Lewis Carroll's story be called if it was set in Prehistoric times?
It would be best if it was called 'Alice in Gondwana-daland'.
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Where do chefs keep their ingredients for continental food while preparing them for people?
On the Continental Shelf.
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My geologist friend had some great news for us, which he just couldn't wait to talus!
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Why was the geologist's salary on hold?
His employer would, in the best case, increase it granitoid he passed them valuable information.
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