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Yvette Desmarais

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Yvette Desmarais

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Yvette Desmarais • upvoted 20 items 5 hours ago

30 New Ryan Rds Hilarious Comics With Hilarious Twists

Pregnancy-Jokes

How many days are there in a month? Each month has an average of 30 to 31 days, except the last month of pregnancy, which has 5,489,234.

Pregnancy-Jokes

"Bought my very pregnant wife some salt and vinegar crisps knowing how much she likes them. Then I ate them for lunch. If anyone needs me I'll be in a witness relocation program with a new name."

Pregnancy-Jokes

They’ve invented a curved pregnancy test, so you don’t pee on your hand. "Listen, if you aren’t ready to have pee on your hand, then you’re definitely not ready to be a mom."

139 Pregnancy Jokes That Any Parent Will Find Painfully Relatable

"Why do men say women are dumb for getting pregnant like she did it by herself?"

Pregnancy-Jokes

“Stop saying, ‘We’re pregnant.’ You’re not pregnant! Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady-hole? No. Are you crying alone in your car, listening to a stupid Bette Midler song? No. When you wake up and throw up, is it because you’re nurturing a human life? No. It’s because you had too many shots of tequila.” - Mila Kunis

Pregnancy-Jokes

"Pregnancy hormones make you want to either rip your husband's clothes off or his head off. There is literally nothing in between."

Pregnancy-Jokes

Him: Is that a maternity top? Me, at 3 months pregnant: It is! Him : Are those maternity jeans? Me, at 6 months pregnant: They are! Him: Is that a bed sheet? Me, at 9 months pregnant: NOTHING FITS OKAY!!!

Pregnancy-Jokes

What is the most common pregnancy craving? For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Pregnancy-Jokes

"I ran to protect our new TV when the earthquake hit. My wife is pregnant. We’re having a conversation now."

Pregnancy-Jokes

How do you define pregnancy? A nine-month-long hostage situation where you are both the hostage and the building.

Pregnancy-Jokes

What would be different if men were the ones who got pregnant? Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay, and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.

Photographed By Safeena Padder Of Safeena Noah

30 Times Dating Profiles Were So Horrible, They Had To Be Shamed Online

And you believe that Melania does any cooking and cleaning?

30 Times Dating Profiles Were So Horrible, They Had To Be Shamed Online

This dude is 44 .. he wants a woman who has never been married before and has no kids … so he’s evidently looking for woman in their twenties … ew gross ( not woman in their twenties , dudes over forty wanting them lol, and yes I know there are older woman with no kids who have never been married but statistically on dating sites you aren’t finding Many of those options in his age bracket )

employees-share-industry-secrets-jobs

The groundbreaking scientific results published by the mainstream media bear little resemblance to the results published in the actual scientific article.

employees-share-industry-secrets-jobs

Nursing homes somehow always know when they are going to be visited by the state. They have plenty of time to get their s**t together, overstaff for days. The administrators and office people will actually work on the floor that would never do otherwise. Things are great until the moment the state reps leave then you're back to being understaffed and overworked. Its a common complaint but people are absolutely not getting the care they need.

employees-share-industry-secrets-jobs

Casino dealers really do want the players to win. We don't work for the house. We get paid s**t hourly rates and rely on tips. Unless the player is super nice, they only tip if they win, so we really do want you to win.