Parents Cancel 15 Y.O. Son’s Birthday Party As Their Favored Daughter Was Not Interested In It
Having a sibling teaches you sharing, how to live with another person, and gives you a playmate and a best friend. When you have a sibling, you may be envious of only children as they get all the attention and don’t have to wear hand-me-down clothes. Not only that, but you don’t have to fight for your parents’ attention because as much as it is wrong, some parents don’t hide which child they love more.
Children realize they are loved less and even if they feel bad about it, nobody tells them their feelings are valid. So a teen had to go to Reddit to ask if he is too demanding by wanting all of his parents’ attention on his birthday because after all, he never complained about his sister getting everything she wants and his wishes being considered secondary.
More info: Reddit
15-year-old was looking forward to his birthday but now he feels stupid for believing that his special day could ever be about him
Image credits: RichardHB (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) is 15 years old and he will turn 16 in less than a month. The 16th birthday is quite a big deal in the US as you can legally drive a car and find a job, so you are one step closer to becoming an adult. Also, any birthday is a special day in general and it would be nice if your family acknowledged that.
The teen has a sister who is now 7 years old. You could call her a miracle child as the parents tried for a long time and when the mom finally got pregnant, she gave birth prematurely, so the baby required a lot of attention.
The teen is turning 16 soon and his parents were planning him a birthday that he actually liked
Image credits: u/Worried-Pizza6682
At first the OP understood that the sister, Ava, had to be prioritized, but it didn’t stop after she got older and stronger. Yes, she is the younger sister and she requires more care, but that’s not what bugs the teen. What he doesn’t understand is the unequal treatment when Ava’s needs are always put above his.
If the parents have to choose between making Ava happy or making the OP happy, they will most likely choose Ava. That’s what happened with the 16th birthday as well. The son was looking forward to it because the parents were finally planning something that the OP would enjoy, as previously, his birthday would always be organized to be fun for Ava.
Out of the blue, the school contacted the parents and informed them that Ava was being bullied. The girl was sad and she wasn’t really looking forward to the birthday, so the parents thought that the only logical thing to do was to cancel the birthday party and do something to cheer their little daughter up, showing that she is loved and that the bullies aren’t right.
The narrator was pretty surprised as usually his birthdays were always accommodating to his 7-year-old sister
Image credits: u/Worried-Pizza6682
Of course, this isn’t Ava’s fault, but the OP is still angry that the parents told him that it is Ava who should feel special on his birthday and as the big brother, he should sacrifice his fun. It was a breaking point after being the secondary child all of Ava’s life and the teen spoke about how he felt.
He told his parents that he also wants to feel special and have fun, but if they don’t change the way they look at him, he is done, because even though in the parents’ lives, Ava is everything, she is not the OP’s life’s focus.
He actually gives a couple of examples that clearly demonstrate that the sister Ava is the favored child
Image credits: u/Worried-Pizza6682
The teen fully realizes that he is the less-favored child and the only other person who acknowledges it is his grandpa on his dad’s side. He is the only adult in the family who tried to stand up for the OP, but even his word meant nothing.
At least the teen has good friends, as he described them in a reply to a comment, “My friends are great. The hardest part with them is when I can only have a friend at my parties and I have to choose between them because we’re all tight. They never blamed me for any of it though. They have also given me some really great birthday gifts (and not all of them were stuff either, sometimes they paid for me to go somewhere cool with them).”
The parents really wanted another child and it was a miracle that she survived as she was born prematurely
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The parents got offended at the truth that the OP told them and now the son feels bad as his brain knows that Ava didn’t do anything wrong, but in his heart he feels resentful. In a further explanation, the teen wrote, “Part of me feels like I’m being unfair or selfish for resenting this so much and for being so against what my parents want to do instead.”
The way the OP feels is expected. Baton Rouge Parents explores the long-term effects of parental favoritism and one of them is that the more-favored children almost always are resented by the other children: “The parents’ unequal attention poisons sibling relationships without even trying.”
The big brother understood that the baby needed more attention than him, but as the sister became older and stronger, his needs were still neglected
Image credits: Michael Coghlan (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/Worried-Pizza6682
Board-certified psychiatrist Marcia Sirota points out that not only does the less-favored child grow up having issues, but the Golden Child has their own trauma to go through and it’s more difficult for them to do so.
She thinks that “While individuals from both groups may struggle with low self-esteem and self-defeating behaviors, the least favored child is always ahead of the game when it comes to self-awareness and openness to change.”
So he was really upset when the parents decided that his 16th birthday isn’t as important as making Ava happy after finding out she was being bullied at school
Image credits: u/Worried-Pizza6682
So being on either side – the excessively loved one or the neglected child – is disadvantageous. Dr. Sirota believes that “Truly loving parents love all their children. They might feel a stronger affinity or connection with one or more of their children but they go out of their way to treat all their children equally. They’d never want to hurt any of their children by overtly favoring one over the other.”
Sadly, the OP will have to live with the consequences of having to see that his parents dedicate more attention to his sister and his happiness is less important than hers. Hopefully, Dr. Sirota’s observation of less-favored children being self-aware and that helping them to sort through their emotions more successfully will be true to the OP as well, because from the way he told the story, it is evident that he already understands the reality he is living in very well.
The teen spoke up about being mistreated and that Ava isn’t his whole life, even though she is for his parents
Image credits: u/Worried-Pizza6682
Image credits: THX0477 (not the actual image)
People in the comments felt sorry that the teen has to experience such a family dynamic and reassured him that he is not wrong for wanting to have a special day on his birthday and he has a right to get excited for it.
After hearing that the OP tried to reason with his parents and they didn’t listen even when his grandpa got involved, many redditors suggested the OP get a job, save some money and when he is legally allowed to leave his parents’ home, to do so.
What do you think the teen should do? Do you agree that being the favored child is as damaging as being the less-favored child? Let us know your reactions in the comments.
The parents got really mad after being confronted with the truth but redditors felt sorry that the teen has to live in a family in which he doesn’t feel loved
Ava has a very bad start into life, and by that I don't mean her being born prematurely and almost dying. Her parents turned /are turning her into a spoiled little princess who will never grasp that the world really does not resolve around her. They have already turned her into a perfect bully victim as RoanTheMad already said. If this "parenting" does not change, Ava will be the obnoxious, self-centered schoolmate, colleague and short-time friend everybody hates...
Totally my niece. I think she's 18 now (I haven't seen her in years). I know it's horrible to say about a child, but she was an absolute b***h by the time she was 7. My sister & her husband are completely useless as parents. BIL took the kid with him to Costco when she was about 2. She threw a screaming tantrum FIT over a package of red paper plates. Guess who had 500 red paper plates in the garage? When she was about 10 she trashed the kitchen making a snack (or something) and refused to clean it up (I'm pretty sure she told her Mom to f*ck off as well). BUT, my sister took her skiing the next day because, and I quote, "I don't have anyone to leave her with". Seriously trying to guilt me into watching the little monster. Nope. Kid started doing drugs when she was about 12, used to sneak out of the house at night. Had an abortion that year, too. She's actually in a mental hospital, last I heard.
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Maybe the sister is unpopular because her parents pamper her so much and she expects everyone else to do, too.
I was born early, and I was never treat any different to my older sister., maybe I did when I was really young and needed extra attention (I'm also autistic so it was pretty rough when I was an infant) but they never treated my Sister as if she didn't exist like OP's parents clearly are. MASSIVE NTA... and honestly? I'm not surprised that "Ava" is being bullied, I've seen it before, a kid is spoiled rotten, pampered, nannied and basically treated like a toddler for way too long, thus they expect that from everyone, or they can't do things other children can because they're so used to things being done for them. It's harsh, but in a way, true.
You more or less hit the nail on the head for me too. I think the reason Ava is being bullied is because her parents have turned her into a pretentious, precious little child who is so used to being celebrated and having her own way that it's the only thing she knows. This is such bad parenting, i'm shocked that no grandparents have stepped in or family friends that can see what is going on here. I feel for the son :(
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These are the kind of parents who are going to be whining that their son doesn't call or visit them.
I'd suggest to the young man to quietly leave the house while they let his birthday be her party. He's in an unwinnable situation, so he may as well use his saved up money to go have some fun with his friends. You know, the people who actually care about him. BTW 'Ava' is being programmed to treat him with just as much disregard as the parents do.
The worst thing is those ‘parents’ are never going to treat this kid right. If he stands up for himself he’s ‘selfish’. If he just takes it he’ll be just considered unpaid help forever. If he gets older and moves out and cuts contact he’ll be ‘jealous of a sick girl’. Look, I’m disabled, I got a lot wrong with me, but my parents have never promoted me or my sibling over each other for their love and respect.
This a brilliant way to ensure that your child will go no contact with the entire family, the moment they can afford to do so.
NTA-his sister gets all of this because she's younger and was born early. She doesn't need all of that,and the teen needs at least his birthday to himself at least once. She doesn't need 365 days to herself
Sad for OP, he deserves better, but he'll be fine. Hopefully a few good friends will make his birthday awesome and he'll move out in a few years. Ava, on the other hand, is likely to be in for a hell of an adjustment as she realizes the whole world will not bend over backwards if she's sad and that not every birthday is hers.
They are ruining OPs childhood and they are just plainly ruining that little girl.
Load More Replies... I have 2 sons. One born full term and one at 28 weeks. We did everything to make sure my youngest caught up developmentally and he is now a grown man. Spent weeks and weeks in the NICU. That said, I would never treat him as your folks are your sister. They are creating a spoiled brat who will grow up with expectations the world will not meet. Nor would I ever have allowed my older son to be voided in that process. I would also share that in between my two sons I had another son who was born full term but died after 2 days due to an abruption of the placenta. I'm sorry that your parents are delusional. Your sister is in for a tough life because of her upbringing. All children deserve to be loved and cared for equally. They will regret their actions one day. In the meantime you may need to learn to expect nothing from them and find healthy ways to plan for your future. You sound like a young man any parent would be proud to have.
I want to hug this kid so bad! I understand Ava has had a rough go of it, but these parents obviously favor her over their son. Like, it could not be more obvious that she's the favorite. If I were OP, I would see about moving in with Grandpa and cutting off all contact with the parents until they learn that you canNOT treat your own children this way. This hurt to read as my dad has always favored my older brother over me and even told me when I was little that my birth wasn't as special because I wasn't the firstborn and I wasn't a boy. My dad made it to all three of my brother's school graduation ceremonies (middle school, high school, and college) and only made it to my high school graduation, but left before I even had a chance to find him after the ceremony so it's like why bother going? It's like my needs were always second. I don't blame my brother one but as he and I were good friends when we were kids and we still get along great. Nothing is his fault. I REALLY wanna hug OP.
Wow. Poor kid. He deserves to feel special once in a while, too. I understand the sister has health issues and whatnot, but they need to remember that they also have a son. Especially if they ever want to see him again once he turns 18. You can't treat one child like a gift from God and the other like someone who just happens to live in your house.
I feel this, too. My birthday is May 25th. In the US that tends to land on Memorial day. We went to the cemetery to put flowers on my great uncles and grandfather's graves. Then my cousin who is/was type 1 diabetic would take her insulin and refuse to eat because she wasn't the center of attention. My cake and ice cream were thrown in the trash and all my birthday presents were returned to the stores, because "You can't have a birthday or birthday party without your cousin" Christmas was just as bad, I got a single coupon for a Mc Donalds cheeseburger while my 3 cousins opened $1000 or more, each worth of presents. Then I got berated for crying and "You should be GRATEFUL for what you get"
Where is my unsee juice. I wish I never read this, as it now put me in a bad mood.
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Kid, I feel your pain. Unfortunately your parents will never get it. I was born the day before my sister's third birthday party. My entire life my birthdays lived in her shadow. People would buy a joint gift and it would always be geared towards her. My mother also never really liked me from day one. My sister thought I was her third birthday present and treated me like one of her dolls when I was a baby. When my sister left for college, my mother couldn't be bothered with my birthday. I basically got throwaway gifts from my mom. She'd buy the first shirt in the store in my size and wrap it up. I never even bothered asking for any gifts. When I turned 18, my parents promised to match me in money to buy my first console multipiece stereo, which were big in the 80s. I was a music freak and managing a record store at the time. When I got out of bed on the morning of my 18th birthday, I went downstairs and there was a wrapped box on the counter with a card to me. It was from my parents.
I opened the card. "I know we said we'd help you buy the stereo, but we changed our minds. You don't need the stereo and it would be too loud. We hope you like this jacket." The jacket was hideous. I was at least impressed with the price because they left the price tag on it. I decided to return it and give the money back to them. When I did, I found out it was 75% off. I couldn't have been more happy to give them back the money so they knew I knew they skimped on me. Since I left home 30 years ago I always make sure to have a great birthday and I always make sure my friends are celebrated on their birthdays. Your parents are awful. Hold tight kid, you'll be on your own soon.
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Not only are you NTA, you are a remarkable young man. Your ability to understand your parents behavior, and not put blame on your sister, is beyond mature. I'm sure you know that most 16 year olds would be angry, or worse, act out in unfavorable or even destructive ways in order to gain thier parents attention. You, on the other hand, seem to be a good kid, with a good head on your shoulders. You should be very proud of yourself. We can't control how people treat us, (even our parents), but we can control how we react to thier treatment of us. You are way ahead of the game. I hope you have a great birthday! You are a remarkable young man, it's no wonder you have such amazing friends.
You eloquently 'said' exactly what I was thinking.
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They’re not going to change. Let them plan a party for Ava on your birthday, just like they always do. Now that you’re 16 you can probably just make a cursory appearance and then bail. Go to the movies with friends instead. They probably won’t even notice you’re gone. Pick a college on the other side of the country.
If I were you I would just get together with your friends on the day of your birthday. Enjoy with them and get 16 cupcakes.
Don't forget grandpa! Ask grandpa if the birthday (for OP and his friends and grandpa) can be held at grandpa's house.
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NTA, clearly the parents have picked a favorite child and OP isn't it. C**p like this is why I tell others to forget my birthday, I'm good even if you forget and just leave me alone rather than have to "share" it with someone who needs/commands all the attention.
I wonder if it's possible for OP to move out and stay with his grandfather? I bet his parents wouldn't even notice him gone. I think he should mention this to his school counselor. Maybe they can help legally enforce family counseling. Even that might not help, though. Shitty parents. Sorry, OP.
Ava is definitely old enough to realise that this is her fault imo. At the very least she would realise that if she said she didn't want to do any of it, the parents would listen to her regardless of what her brother wants EDIT: u/tossmetossme13 said 'NTA, there are 364 other days in a year to do something special for Ava', and this is a very good point which I think OP should bring up to his parents. Can they not make even one day for their oldest child/only son? OP should ask his parents when the last time they did anything purely for him, without making it about Ava. OP needs to distance himself from his family and get away from them ASAP
not only does the less-favored child grow up having issues, but the Golden Child has their own trauma to go through and it’s more difficult for them to do so. I’m the oldest and less favored also, so I can relate. I had to eat everything that was on my plate as a child (even if I didn’t like it) I watched my brother that was 4 years younger cry because his foods touched each other, and he refused to eat until he got a divider plate 🤦🏽♀️ My sister is 1 year younger than me and she was also favored. I got all the beatings and punishments because I am the oldest and should’ve known better. My siblings would get mad and get me extra whippings when they felt like it. I know that they’ve never liked me and I used to cry all the time about it. I know now that they resent me because I’m resilient to anything. I’ve always been my own cheerleader and that’s something they’ll never understand (being a pampered golden child) always having thing handed to them💯
I left home when I was 16. I was the live in babysitter for my much younger sisters and the unpaid cleaner / food prep / animal caretaker / coffee maker / everything. Add physical abuse to that and by the time I was 12 I was running away from home, but always put back there and by the time I was 16 I left for good. This kids parents straight up suck.
I just wish I was rich and I'd throw this poor boy the biggest party he has ever seen! 😟
This is tough. SO sorry for this young man. Here is something that took me over 50 years to do for myself.(67 now) I decide what to do for myself for my birthday. I include my SO and that's it. I'm the middle child and had an older sister( the golden child) and younger brother( the baby) 18 months apart between me and them. My birthday is 2 weeks before Xmas. My birthday was almost always forgotten and gifts were for both Bday and Xmas. My mother told me before she died that she couldn't remember me being born. I looked after her for 7 years. SO....Not only do I treat myself on my birthday I do whatever I can afford, everyday, to make myself happy.
WOW. I am so sorry your parents are such a$$holes. My younger (only) brother was "the golden child" in my Father's eyes. When I turned 16, my GPA had dropped from 3.8 to 3.2 so Father refused to sign for my driver's license. My stepmother finally talked him into it. I still wasn't allowed to drive the 10 year old Toyota. The following year my brother got expelled from Jr. High and had to go to a continuation school. He got a '68 Mustang for his 16th birthday. I had already moved out. I never blamed my brother, though. He was always pretty cool about sharing the spoils.
Ava is going to grow up as a snotty entitled b***h with no friends. She is being taught to have no regard for other's feelings. My advice to you is to get yourself a job, without them knowing, because they probably won't know you are gone anyway. Tell them you are at the library studying so as not to disturb Ava. Don't even waste your time trying to explain how you feel to them. They are narcissists and don't care. The bullying is only going to last as long as you let it after your 18 the birthday or what ever law is in place in your province or state. Find a free place to get counselling for mental health, which should be easy as you are underage. Work as hard as you can to sustain good grades, and as hard as you can at your job, secretly open a bank account, but keep asking for money from your parents, as it is their duty to provide for you. Plan on going to a community college. You seem to be a very empathetic young man, and a career in services would be great for you, soc or sych.
Begin to emotionally and physically detach from them in the coming year or so. You can make your own family with friends and don't need them. Perhaps you have an uncle or aunt you can confide in, but you highly suggest you go for mental health counselling. If you go out on your own you will probably be entitled to subsidized housing and food stamps. Whatever you do, do not tell your parents about your job, or they will ask you to pay rent
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I've read so many similar things where either one child is favourite or one child is treated poorly compared to siblings. I just don't understand it. I have 3 children (12m 15m 19f). The 15 and 19 year olds birthday are a week apart and guess what? We put money aside to ensure that both children have the best birthday we can give. They are all amazing in their own right (all completely different) I just can't fathom treating one better or worse than the others. I have friends and family who have "favourites" and it always boggles my mind. Im so sorry for OP. I hope they have other family or friends that can make them feel special
OP is old enough that he could go live with his grandfather if he wanted to. Go, OP, and don't look back. Your parents will never change.
in those cases, rather than the adults in the direct family, it would be better to go talk to a teacher or a counselor at school. When it's a neutral party pointing out the problems, the parents are more likely to listen. In bad cases of emotional abuse or neglect, counselors can even DEMAND that the family consults a professional.
Yep been where he is. Except my mother adopted my older brothers daughter because he and his couldn’t take care of her. All my mother kept saying”she doesn’t have anybody and has to make her feel like she has a mother”. She became obnoxious. Adults (including my mother) let me know I didn’t have her looks. Our birthdays were a week apart so I had to celebrate mine with her. Even as an adult there was a really big party for her with a 3 tiered cake I was handed a small cake that had a clearance sticker from store. I know how he feels. Parents will regret it. My mother now is feeling it because her golden child that she put her all into doesn’t call, helped her sell her house took the money and won’t let her live with her. Now she complains I am her mother.
If anyone reading this is in a similar situation, start saving as much money as you can, even now. If you get birthday money, chore money, odd job money, anything. Put it in a savings account & let it sit & accrue interest. Give yourself some cushion for when you move out, because parents like this don't get better. Save money, keep a low profile at home, focus on getting through school. Enjoy your hobbies, friends, after school activities, reading, whatever. Anything that keeps you busy, happy, & less time interfacing with family. It may suck a bit without pocket money, but it will be worth it. Just keep thinking about how happy you'll be when you're free, & try not to dwell on the resentment part. Later on, the sibling may realize that they were abused too in a way, but probably not for a while. They didn't ask to be coddled. My folks did a lot of stuff for my younger sib they wouldn't do for me, but it wasn't his fault.
My husband is the middle child of 3. He always got good grades in school and had many talents -- yet, his birthday, achievements, whatever -- always took a back seat. He's in his 60's now, and it still hurts. Parents -- please give each of your children a chance to feel special!
It's crazy how many of the comments are hating 7 year old sister, and essentially saying that obviously that she's a spoiled b***h who deserves to be bullied. Can you hear yourselves? NOTHING in OPs comments suggests that his sister is awful, or even a bad sister! He never says ANYTHING bad about her! This young child is not responsible for the situation even if she benefits from it on a surface level. Really gross.
As soon as you can, cut them off, and tell them they are dead to you. F**k 'em.
I hope OP shows this to the parents, because they Are (Definitely!) The A$$holes.
I feel so sad for you. Your sister can have 364 days. Your birthday should be YOUR special day. I'm glad that your friends are understanding. They are much more caring than your parents. You are definitely NTA.
Slightly different take, same problem. My birthday is four days after my dad's birthday. Growing up, I never had a celebration on my birthday. It was always a joint party on HIS birthday. Not even the milestone birthdays (10, 13, 16, 21) got anything just for me. I'm over it now, but when I was younger, it hurt.
Ok I'm officially refusing to read or believe another one of these stories. There's absolutely no way these people exist. Prove me wrong please
Yeah these parents are not helping ava at all they are just going to end up screwing up both there children
100% NTA!- and this is coming from a disabled woman who by necessity was prioritised a lot a a child- my parents went the other way- every time I got surgery, my sister got a holiday at a theme park-so I honestly felt like sh*t!- I got painful surgery - she got weekends away (without me there) or visits to theme parks etc- I feel like it would have been better to make it a joint celebration or something bf. HOWEVER!- that ABSOLUTELY does NOT INCLUDE THINGS LIKE BIRTHDAYS or awards ceremonies- 2 parents+2 events=1parent at each!
This breaks my heart because my best friend had to live this life with her 'miracle baby' younger brother. She grew to become a magna cum from college and a service coordinator to handicapped children finding adoptive families. He (who although a premmie suffered no cognitive or physical disabilities) grew to a lazy misogynistic bore who graduated high school. Although my friend married, had a child and a happy life, sometimes I still can tell those scars are still on her heart.
While I do sympathise with the OP, and there is blatant favouritism going on, I feel like there might something missing here, and we're not getting the whole story. That, or there is some exaggeration here of a not-great situation.
Not sure why I'm being downvoted; I'm not stating anything implausible. I know the OP is in an unfair situation, but *sometimes* when people write things, they tend to exaggerate, whether by accident or not. Maybe they're looking at the situation through a distorted lens, which is by no means their fault, but it could also be a slight over-exaggeration to gain just a little more sympathy.
Load More Replies... Ava has a very bad start into life, and by that I don't mean her being born prematurely and almost dying. Her parents turned /are turning her into a spoiled little princess who will never grasp that the world really does not resolve around her. They have already turned her into a perfect bully victim as RoanTheMad already said. If this "parenting" does not change, Ava will be the obnoxious, self-centered schoolmate, colleague and short-time friend everybody hates...
Totally my niece. I think she's 18 now (I haven't seen her in years). I know it's horrible to say about a child, but she was an absolute b***h by the time she was 7. My sister & her husband are completely useless as parents. BIL took the kid with him to Costco when she was about 2. She threw a screaming tantrum FIT over a package of red paper plates. Guess who had 500 red paper plates in the garage? When she was about 10 she trashed the kitchen making a snack (or something) and refused to clean it up (I'm pretty sure she told her Mom to f*ck off as well). BUT, my sister took her skiing the next day because, and I quote, "I don't have anyone to leave her with". Seriously trying to guilt me into watching the little monster. Nope. Kid started doing drugs when she was about 12, used to sneak out of the house at night. Had an abortion that year, too. She's actually in a mental hospital, last I heard.
Load More Replies... Maybe the sister is unpopular because her parents pamper her so much and she expects everyone else to do, too.
I was born early, and I was never treat any different to my older sister., maybe I did when I was really young and needed extra attention (I'm also autistic so it was pretty rough when I was an infant) but they never treated my Sister as if she didn't exist like OP's parents clearly are. MASSIVE NTA... and honestly? I'm not surprised that "Ava" is being bullied, I've seen it before, a kid is spoiled rotten, pampered, nannied and basically treated like a toddler for way too long, thus they expect that from everyone, or they can't do things other children can because they're so used to things being done for them. It's harsh, but in a way, true.
You more or less hit the nail on the head for me too. I think the reason Ava is being bullied is because her parents have turned her into a pretentious, precious little child who is so used to being celebrated and having her own way that it's the only thing she knows. This is such bad parenting, i'm shocked that no grandparents have stepped in or family friends that can see what is going on here. I feel for the son :(
Load More Replies... These are the kind of parents who are going to be whining that their son doesn't call or visit them.
I'd suggest to the young man to quietly leave the house while they let his birthday be her party. He's in an unwinnable situation, so he may as well use his saved up money to go have some fun with his friends. You know, the people who actually care about him. BTW 'Ava' is being programmed to treat him with just as much disregard as the parents do.
The worst thing is those ‘parents’ are never going to treat this kid right. If he stands up for himself he’s ‘selfish’. If he just takes it he’ll be just considered unpaid help forever. If he gets older and moves out and cuts contact he’ll be ‘jealous of a sick girl’. Look, I’m disabled, I got a lot wrong with me, but my parents have never promoted me or my sibling over each other for their love and respect.
This a brilliant way to ensure that your child will go no contact with the entire family, the moment they can afford to do so.
NTA-his sister gets all of this because she's younger and was born early. She doesn't need all of that,and the teen needs at least his birthday to himself at least once. She doesn't need 365 days to herself
Sad for OP, he deserves better, but he'll be fine. Hopefully a few good friends will make his birthday awesome and he'll move out in a few years. Ava, on the other hand, is likely to be in for a hell of an adjustment as she realizes the whole world will not bend over backwards if she's sad and that not every birthday is hers.
They are ruining OPs childhood and they are just plainly ruining that little girl.
Load More Replies... I have 2 sons. One born full term and one at 28 weeks. We did everything to make sure my youngest caught up developmentally and he is now a grown man. Spent weeks and weeks in the NICU. That said, I would never treat him as your folks are your sister. They are creating a spoiled brat who will grow up with expectations the world will not meet. Nor would I ever have allowed my older son to be voided in that process. I would also share that in between my two sons I had another son who was born full term but died after 2 days due to an abruption of the placenta. I'm sorry that your parents are delusional. Your sister is in for a tough life because of her upbringing. All children deserve to be loved and cared for equally. They will regret their actions one day. In the meantime you may need to learn to expect nothing from them and find healthy ways to plan for your future. You sound like a young man any parent would be proud to have.
I want to hug this kid so bad! I understand Ava has had a rough go of it, but these parents obviously favor her over their son. Like, it could not be more obvious that she's the favorite. If I were OP, I would see about moving in with Grandpa and cutting off all contact with the parents until they learn that you canNOT treat your own children this way. This hurt to read as my dad has always favored my older brother over me and even told me when I was little that my birth wasn't as special because I wasn't the firstborn and I wasn't a boy. My dad made it to all three of my brother's school graduation ceremonies (middle school, high school, and college) and only made it to my high school graduation, but left before I even had a chance to find him after the ceremony so it's like why bother going? It's like my needs were always second. I don't blame my brother one but as he and I were good friends when we were kids and we still get along great. Nothing is his fault. I REALLY wanna hug OP.
Wow. Poor kid. He deserves to feel special once in a while, too. I understand the sister has health issues and whatnot, but they need to remember that they also have a son. Especially if they ever want to see him again once he turns 18. You can't treat one child like a gift from God and the other like someone who just happens to live in your house.
I feel this, too. My birthday is May 25th. In the US that tends to land on Memorial day. We went to the cemetery to put flowers on my great uncles and grandfather's graves. Then my cousin who is/was type 1 diabetic would take her insulin and refuse to eat because she wasn't the center of attention. My cake and ice cream were thrown in the trash and all my birthday presents were returned to the stores, because "You can't have a birthday or birthday party without your cousin" Christmas was just as bad, I got a single coupon for a Mc Donalds cheeseburger while my 3 cousins opened $1000 or more, each worth of presents. Then I got berated for crying and "You should be GRATEFUL for what you get"
Where is my unsee juice. I wish I never read this, as it now put me in a bad mood.
Load More Replies... Kid, I feel your pain. Unfortunately your parents will never get it. I was born the day before my sister's third birthday party. My entire life my birthdays lived in her shadow. People would buy a joint gift and it would always be geared towards her. My mother also never really liked me from day one. My sister thought I was her third birthday present and treated me like one of her dolls when I was a baby. When my sister left for college, my mother couldn't be bothered with my birthday. I basically got throwaway gifts from my mom. She'd buy the first shirt in the store in my size and wrap it up. I never even bothered asking for any gifts. When I turned 18, my parents promised to match me in money to buy my first console multipiece stereo, which were big in the 80s. I was a music freak and managing a record store at the time. When I got out of bed on the morning of my 18th birthday, I went downstairs and there was a wrapped box on the counter with a card to me. It was from my parents.
I opened the card. "I know we said we'd help you buy the stereo, but we changed our minds. You don't need the stereo and it would be too loud. We hope you like this jacket." The jacket was hideous. I was at least impressed with the price because they left the price tag on it. I decided to return it and give the money back to them. When I did, I found out it was 75% off. I couldn't have been more happy to give them back the money so they knew I knew they skimped on me. Since I left home 30 years ago I always make sure to have a great birthday and I always make sure my friends are celebrated on their birthdays. Your parents are awful. Hold tight kid, you'll be on your own soon.
Load More Replies... Not only are you NTA, you are a remarkable young man. Your ability to understand your parents behavior, and not put blame on your sister, is beyond mature. I'm sure you know that most 16 year olds would be angry, or worse, act out in unfavorable or even destructive ways in order to gain thier parents attention. You, on the other hand, seem to be a good kid, with a good head on your shoulders. You should be very proud of yourself. We can't control how people treat us, (even our parents), but we can control how we react to thier treatment of us. You are way ahead of the game. I hope you have a great birthday! You are a remarkable young man, it's no wonder you have such amazing friends.
You eloquently 'said' exactly what I was thinking.
Load More Replies... They’re not going to change. Let them plan a party for Ava on your birthday, just like they always do. Now that you’re 16 you can probably just make a cursory appearance and then bail. Go to the movies with friends instead. They probably won’t even notice you’re gone. Pick a college on the other side of the country.
If I were you I would just get together with your friends on the day of your birthday. Enjoy with them and get 16 cupcakes.
Don't forget grandpa! Ask grandpa if the birthday (for OP and his friends and grandpa) can be held at grandpa's house.
Load More Replies... NTA, clearly the parents have picked a favorite child and OP isn't it. C**p like this is why I tell others to forget my birthday, I'm good even if you forget and just leave me alone rather than have to "share" it with someone who needs/commands all the attention.
I wonder if it's possible for OP to move out and stay with his grandfather? I bet his parents wouldn't even notice him gone. I think he should mention this to his school counselor. Maybe they can help legally enforce family counseling. Even that might not help, though. Shitty parents. Sorry, OP.
Ava is definitely old enough to realise that this is her fault imo. At the very least she would realise that if she said she didn't want to do any of it, the parents would listen to her regardless of what her brother wants EDIT: u/tossmetossme13 said 'NTA, there are 364 other days in a year to do something special for Ava', and this is a very good point which I think OP should bring up to his parents. Can they not make even one day for their oldest child/only son? OP should ask his parents when the last time they did anything purely for him, without making it about Ava. OP needs to distance himself from his family and get away from them ASAP
not only does the less-favored child grow up having issues, but the Golden Child has their own trauma to go through and it’s more difficult for them to do so. I’m the oldest and less favored also, so I can relate. I had to eat everything that was on my plate as a child (even if I didn’t like it) I watched my brother that was 4 years younger cry because his foods touched each other, and he refused to eat until he got a divider plate 🤦🏽♀️ My sister is 1 year younger than me and she was also favored. I got all the beatings and punishments because I am the oldest and should’ve known better. My siblings would get mad and get me extra whippings when they felt like it. I know that they’ve never liked me and I used to cry all the time about it. I know now that they resent me because I’m resilient to anything. I’ve always been my own cheerleader and that’s something they’ll never understand (being a pampered golden child) always having thing handed to them💯
I left home when I was 16. I was the live in babysitter for my much younger sisters and the unpaid cleaner / food prep / animal caretaker / coffee maker / everything. Add physical abuse to that and by the time I was 12 I was running away from home, but always put back there and by the time I was 16 I left for good. This kids parents straight up suck.
I just wish I was rich and I'd throw this poor boy the biggest party he has ever seen! 😟
This is tough. SO sorry for this young man. Here is something that took me over 50 years to do for myself.(67 now) I decide what to do for myself for my birthday. I include my SO and that's it. I'm the middle child and had an older sister( the golden child) and younger brother( the baby) 18 months apart between me and them. My birthday is 2 weeks before Xmas. My birthday was almost always forgotten and gifts were for both Bday and Xmas. My mother told me before she died that she couldn't remember me being born. I looked after her for 7 years. SO....Not only do I treat myself on my birthday I do whatever I can afford, everyday, to make myself happy.
WOW. I am so sorry your parents are such a$$holes. My younger (only) brother was "the golden child" in my Father's eyes. When I turned 16, my GPA had dropped from 3.8 to 3.2 so Father refused to sign for my driver's license. My stepmother finally talked him into it. I still wasn't allowed to drive the 10 year old Toyota. The following year my brother got expelled from Jr. High and had to go to a continuation school. He got a '68 Mustang for his 16th birthday. I had already moved out. I never blamed my brother, though. He was always pretty cool about sharing the spoils.
Ava is going to grow up as a snotty entitled b***h with no friends. She is being taught to have no regard for other's feelings. My advice to you is to get yourself a job, without them knowing, because they probably won't know you are gone anyway. Tell them you are at the library studying so as not to disturb Ava. Don't even waste your time trying to explain how you feel to them. They are narcissists and don't care. The bullying is only going to last as long as you let it after your 18 the birthday or what ever law is in place in your province or state. Find a free place to get counselling for mental health, which should be easy as you are underage. Work as hard as you can to sustain good grades, and as hard as you can at your job, secretly open a bank account, but keep asking for money from your parents, as it is their duty to provide for you. Plan on going to a community college. You seem to be a very empathetic young man, and a career in services would be great for you, soc or sych.
Begin to emotionally and physically detach from them in the coming year or so. You can make your own family with friends and don't need them. Perhaps you have an uncle or aunt you can confide in, but you highly suggest you go for mental health counselling. If you go out on your own you will probably be entitled to subsidized housing and food stamps. Whatever you do, do not tell your parents about your job, or they will ask you to pay rent
Load More Replies... I've read so many similar things where either one child is favourite or one child is treated poorly compared to siblings. I just don't understand it. I have 3 children (12m 15m 19f). The 15 and 19 year olds birthday are a week apart and guess what? We put money aside to ensure that both children have the best birthday we can give. They are all amazing in their own right (all completely different) I just can't fathom treating one better or worse than the others. I have friends and family who have "favourites" and it always boggles my mind. Im so sorry for OP. I hope they have other family or friends that can make them feel special
OP is old enough that he could go live with his grandfather if he wanted to. Go, OP, and don't look back. Your parents will never change.
in those cases, rather than the adults in the direct family, it would be better to go talk to a teacher or a counselor at school. When it's a neutral party pointing out the problems, the parents are more likely to listen. In bad cases of emotional abuse or neglect, counselors can even DEMAND that the family consults a professional.
Yep been where he is. Except my mother adopted my older brothers daughter because he and his couldn’t take care of her. All my mother kept saying”she doesn’t have anybody and has to make her feel like she has a mother”. She became obnoxious. Adults (including my mother) let me know I didn’t have her looks. Our birthdays were a week apart so I had to celebrate mine with her. Even as an adult there was a really big party for her with a 3 tiered cake I was handed a small cake that had a clearance sticker from store. I know how he feels. Parents will regret it. My mother now is feeling it because her golden child that she put her all into doesn’t call, helped her sell her house took the money and won’t let her live with her. Now she complains I am her mother.
If anyone reading this is in a similar situation, start saving as much money as you can, even now. If you get birthday money, chore money, odd job money, anything. Put it in a savings account & let it sit & accrue interest. Give yourself some cushion for when you move out, because parents like this don't get better. Save money, keep a low profile at home, focus on getting through school. Enjoy your hobbies, friends, after school activities, reading, whatever. Anything that keeps you busy, happy, & less time interfacing with family. It may suck a bit without pocket money, but it will be worth it. Just keep thinking about how happy you'll be when you're free, & try not to dwell on the resentment part. Later on, the sibling may realize that they were abused too in a way, but probably not for a while. They didn't ask to be coddled. My folks did a lot of stuff for my younger sib they wouldn't do for me, but it wasn't his fault.
My husband is the middle child of 3. He always got good grades in school and had many talents -- yet, his birthday, achievements, whatever -- always took a back seat. He's in his 60's now, and it still hurts. Parents -- please give each of your children a chance to feel special!
It's crazy how many of the comments are hating 7 year old sister, and essentially saying that obviously that she's a spoiled b***h who deserves to be bullied. Can you hear yourselves? NOTHING in OPs comments suggests that his sister is awful, or even a bad sister! He never says ANYTHING bad about her! This young child is not responsible for the situation even if she benefits from it on a surface level. Really gross.
As soon as you can, cut them off, and tell them they are dead to you. F**k 'em.
I hope OP shows this to the parents, because they Are (Definitely!) The A$$holes.
I feel so sad for you. Your sister can have 364 days. Your birthday should be YOUR special day. I'm glad that your friends are understanding. They are much more caring than your parents. You are definitely NTA.
Slightly different take, same problem. My birthday is four days after my dad's birthday. Growing up, I never had a celebration on my birthday. It was always a joint party on HIS birthday. Not even the milestone birthdays (10, 13, 16, 21) got anything just for me. I'm over it now, but when I was younger, it hurt.
Ok I'm officially refusing to read or believe another one of these stories. There's absolutely no way these people exist. Prove me wrong please
Yeah these parents are not helping ava at all they are just going to end up screwing up both there children
100% NTA!- and this is coming from a disabled woman who by necessity was prioritised a lot a a child- my parents went the other way- every time I got surgery, my sister got a holiday at a theme park-so I honestly felt like sh*t!- I got painful surgery - she got weekends away (without me there) or visits to theme parks etc- I feel like it would have been better to make it a joint celebration or something bf. HOWEVER!- that ABSOLUTELY does NOT INCLUDE THINGS LIKE BIRTHDAYS or awards ceremonies- 2 parents+2 events=1parent at each!
This breaks my heart because my best friend had to live this life with her 'miracle baby' younger brother. She grew to become a magna cum from college and a service coordinator to handicapped children finding adoptive families. He (who although a premmie suffered no cognitive or physical disabilities) grew to a lazy misogynistic bore who graduated high school. Although my friend married, had a child and a happy life, sometimes I still can tell those scars are still on her heart.
While I do sympathise with the OP, and there is blatant favouritism going on, I feel like there might something missing here, and we're not getting the whole story. That, or there is some exaggeration here of a not-great situation.
Not sure why I'm being downvoted; I'm not stating anything implausible. I know the OP is in an unfair situation, but *sometimes* when people write things, they tend to exaggerate, whether by accident or not. Maybe they're looking at the situation through a distorted lens, which is by no means their fault, but it could also be a slight over-exaggeration to gain just a little more sympathy.
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