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In a time when autocorrect is supposed to be our trusty sidekick, it’s pretty wild how often our brains still manage to swap the right word for one that just sounds right but makes absolutely no sense. We’re talking about those hilariously relatable moments when someone uses a real word or phrase but mixes it up with another legit word or phrase that sounds similar. The result? A delightfully nonsensical mix-up that makes everyone do a double take.
Today, we’re dishing up a fresh batch straight from r/BoneAppleTea, where people proudly share these linguistic facepalms for all of us to enjoy. Think “escape goat” instead of “scapegoat,” or “for all intensive purposes” instead of “for all intents and purposes.” Get ready to laugh, cringe, and maybe discover you’ve been guilty of a few of these yourself.
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#1
Please Ejaculate!!
Riley Quinn 4 months ago
If you don't mind, I'd much rather collect my photos and cats than take personal time in this situation.
Uncle Panda 4 months ago (edited)
Copied from the poorn version of Doctor Who. The Dildalek's chase everybody around the set screaming EJACULATTE! EJACULATTE!
Uncle Panda 4 months ago
EJACULATTE sounds like a truly dreadful beverage.
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MeowZedong 4 months ago (edited)
If its too late for you to survive HURRY UP & EJACULATE.!!! Cumfusius qoute.
RELATED:
#2
Dire Rear, Wrong But Still Somehow Right
Auntriarch 4 months ago (edited)
Reminds me of a boss whose surname was Dyer, used to pick up the phone and answer with "Dyer here". I'm 94% certain he did it on purpose.
Beak Hookage 4 months ago
I've got a degree in writing and another in editing and I've been writing novels for more than twenty years and I STILL cannot spell that word to save my life. I get it so wrong even spellcheck cannot help me.
#3
Salmon With Aspergers
BeesEelsAndPups 4 months ago
Probably because they're lying, and serving neurotypical salmon
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glowworm2 4 months ago
Mild Autism Spectrum Disorder to be exact, due to it being named after someone who allegedly supported and collaborated with the Nazis. Also known as level 1 autism.
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Emilu 4 months ago
I can imagine the teenagers/Tumblr users who think that having a mental illness is 'cool' would be all over this.
NotAThreat 4 months ago
k but people who actually have autism can also think it's funny :/
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If you’ve ever made a spelling mistake on an exam and felt your soul leave your body for a second, you’re not alone. Seriously, who hasn’t written “definately” instead of “definitely” or mixed up “their,” “there,” and “they’re” when the clock is ticking? We’ve all been there, hunched over our paper, hoping no one notices. Typos happen, nerves happen, and English spelling loves to keep us humble.
But today’s hilarious examples aren’t just your typical spelling oopsies. We’re diving into the world of those accidental word swaps where your brain tricks you into picking a real word, just not the right one. It’s the moment you proudly write something, hit send, and then… oh no.
#4
Corporate
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I'm stunned that Autocorrect didn't even give it a try XD It apparently was like "yeah nope I got no clue what they mean by 'sitifigert', sorry."
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April Pickett 4 months ago
I think it's sad and a bad example of our school system graduating students that can't spell or write a complete sentence. English is going down hill and we're going with it because we can understand and read what they're trying to say.
Riley Quinn 4 months ago
Pay the fck attention to the red squiggly lines. They don't pop up for decoration. Red=warning, as in, warning you're spelling a word incorrectly.
glowworm2 4 months ago
Yet at the same time, those red squiggly lines have thought my last name was a typo for years.
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Rebecca Duan 3 months ago
r we not gonna acknowledge the fact that these parents lied on a birth certificate (sitifigert)!?!?!!?
#5
Mister Meaner
Barbara Wilcock 4 months ago
Call a stroke. I think im having an ambulance
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S Bow 4 months ago
"Jobs should still hire you whether you have a felony, misdemeanor or "a*****t" and battery charge
Teutonic Disaster 4 months ago (edited)
That was a.s.s.a.u.l.t. and battery on the English language. Edit because BP is afraid of words again.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I think so, or that thing where people run their videos through AI captioning.
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#6
My Chlamydia Is In Full Bloom
Back in school, we had teachers armed with red pens and a never-ending supply of patience to swoop in and save our essays from total disaster. They’d circle our mix-ups, scribble a note in the margin, and life would move on. But in the adult world? Well, your boss probably won’t find it adorable when you send an important pitch full of “flaws” instead of “flows.” Sometimes, those little errors can have a big impact, especially when autocorrect decides to play tricks.
#7
Ham Basket
Riley Quinn 4 months ago (edited)
Obviously. Something to nibble on your way to hell. Am I right?
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Gerry Higgins 4 months ago
A "ham basket" sounds like gift you'd give someone. Like a fruit basket only with meats! I'd prefer a ham basket over a fruit basket.
Midoribird Aoi 4 months ago
"Ham basket" is when a customer comes through my line with a basket full of piggy pieces prior to a potential purchase.
#8
Tumor Rick
Bill Swallow 4 months ago
Ok, you got me. On another entry here, I wrote 'For the sake of my sanity, I *have* to think that a lot of these started out as very simple, minor misspellings and typographical errors that were 'snapped' onto a correctly spelled but very inappropriate word by our old friend, "Autocarrot". Heck, it's happened to me more than once when I don't rigorously re-read a comment before posting it.' That can't be the case on this one, though.
Peeka_Mimi 4 months ago
My a*****e ex is named Rick. Me and his ex wife are friends and we agree he's a cancer on the dire rear of humanity.
#9
Frank Incest
ShyWahine 4 months ago
What gifts did the Three Wise Men bring for Baby Jesus? Goled, Murr, & Frank incest?
Jeolas1 4 months ago
Well, according to the bible itself, frank incest is how humanity was fruitful and multiplied.
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Paula Smith 4 months ago
Frankincense. It’s an oil given to baby Jesus by one of the Magi.
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MeowZedong 4 months ago
Yea it's like impregnating your mother without her consent and being your own father.
Load More Replies... Janet Horwith 3 months ago
What's funny is that the proper spelling is right on the label. Baby Jesus don't want no incest.
To get a bit more insight into how we keep falling for these word mix-ups, we spoke to Rosemary Joseph, an English teacher who’s spent over a decade guiding 10th graders through the wild world of spelling and grammar in India. She chuckles, “Spelling mistakes? Everyone makes them. Kids, grown-ups, no one’s immune. It’s just part of learning.” And let’s face it, some mistakes make for the best stories later.
#10
Sorry For The Incontinence
ƒιѕн 4 months ago
Well, it is what they apologized for, so I'm guessing, yeah.
Load More Replies... Squirrel Chaser 4 months ago (edited)
Not sure if this is a typo, misspelled, or brutal honesty.
Angela C 4 months ago
Not sure it's either. Incontinence would certainly be reason enough to close a pool
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Shortstuff 4 months ago
An elderly friend of the family, often mixes up words. I asked what she was having for lunch. "A quickie". She meant quiche. She is 95.
Squirrel Chaser 3 months ago
Hopefully it's just a 'Baby Ruth' candy bar. Bonus points if you can name the reference.
#11
Sell My Nana Illness Is Going Around
Upstaged75 4 months ago
Not sure my Nana is worth very much. Because she's been dead for a while now. 😁
geezeronthehill 4 months ago
"In late news, Sam and Ella's Cafe is closing after only a few months."
Jaya 4 months ago
It's so sad when people have to sell family members to be able to afford to pay for their salmonella medication :D
Riley Quinn 4 months ago
While I'm reading the comments on these to find out what's being said.
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#12
Pet Eat
Chilli 4 months ago
doesn't petite mean short? Or light in comparison to height? I might be wrong
Shortstuff 4 months ago
Short and slim. I had a friend who called herself petite. She is 5ft 1, and 140kgs. That is NOT petite!
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But Rosemary points out that there’s a twist when it comes to these word swaps. “It’s one thing to misspell ‘necessary’ or ‘embarrassment,’” she says, “but when you’re convinced you know what a word means and you really don’t? That can lead to all sorts of confusion.” She’s seen it happen in class essays, job applications, and even wedding invitations!
#13
Star Anus
Michael Largey 4 months ago (edited)
I'd trade you this planet for your star, but I just remembered that it's already Uranus.
Midoribird Aoi 4 months ago
Well it does kind of look like a chocolate star an---uh, you know what? I'll see myself out.
Bob Brooce 4 months ago
Are these cats identical? Yes, yes they are. untitled-6...faf287.jpg 
Nikki Spears Gross 4 months ago
We always called them asshōle kisses to drive my Mom crazy....Yes, I'm secretly still a 12 year old child.
#14
Genesis Squash
MeowZedong 4 months ago
Orange white woman who want that iconic POTUS look.
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Gordon 4 months ago
No matter the spelling of "Je Ne Sais Quoi" or "Genesis Squash", they both roughly translate to, I don't know what.
Edda Kamphues 4 months ago
I'm more worried about the 'white women of colour'. Which one is it?
Riley Quinn 4 months ago
I love squash. Is this a new recipe I haven't heard of? And why would only white women know about this dish?
#15
Don’t Let Algebra Grow Anywhere…
BrunoVI 4 months ago
You also have to be careful to use soft water so you don't get calculus growing on it.
English is full of words that look alike, sound alike, but couldn’t be more different. Rosemary laughs, “No one expects you to memorize the whole dictionary, that’s impossible! But when you’re trying out a fancy new word in an important email or post, just give it a quick check first. It takes a minute and can save a lot of explaining later.” A simple habit can save you from a world of awkwardness.
#16
You Will Be Immediately Ejaculated
#17
I'm Tired Of Walking On Egg Shelves
Doofnuts 4 months ago
Yeah, they are just too brittle. They do crack me up, but just too sensitive.
Oerff On Tour 4 months ago
Maybe that's why the eggs are so expensive. Because OP is so tired, he keeps kicking all the eggs off the shelves
#18
Why Don’t Tattoo Places Just Euthanize Their Clients
Science Nerd 4 months ago
Put it on your credit card so the bill comes 30 days later.
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 4 months ago (edited)
No reason to k!ll someone just for getting a tattoo! And if you need to be anesthetized it's probably best that you not get one. It doesn't hurt THAT much. I'm a wimp about pain and I still survived getting several.
Riley Quinn 4 months ago
As much as I would like my doctor, dentist, and tattooist to offer euthanasia for me, it doesn't work that way. It would cause their medical malpractice insurance to go over the top, and the tattooist would lose their license.
Vylnce NA 4 months ago
Actually, they have been doing it, and people have died, because it's not being done by a physician or a CRNA.
Load More Replies... Mary Peace 3 months ago
It might be worth going back to that dentist, at least re-read the sign before you go and suggest this to the tattooist.
Rosemary has seen a big shift over the years: “These days, people rely so much on autocorrect that they often stop paying attention. They trust their phone to fix everything, but sometimes the phone just quietly changes your word to another real word and you don’t even notice. One moment you mean to say ‘public,’ and next thing you know, it’s ‘pubic.’ That one never ends well.”
#19
Don Don
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
My brain immediately thought OP was trying to recreate the Law & Order sound effect XD
tameson 4 months ago
My husband just read this in an Italian accent and now I can't stop laughing.
Sally Moen 4 months ago
Don don is the sound of the opening of the TV show Law & Order. It sounds ominous, so in this context, the typo makes sense
#20
Please Use Your Tongue……
Elwood Schwartz (it/that) 4 months ago
Didn't whats-her-face get in trouble for that awhile back?
Emilu 4 months ago
Right? You're literally adding extra letters to write 'tongue'.
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fruitloopdingus 4 months ago
tongue works too. just don’t miss your selection and accidentally lick somebody else’s.
Tina Mercado 3 months ago
Instruction: Use your tongue to put it in those holes, then catch it with tissue paper. Use fingers to pay with dirty money. Hmmmm.
Beak Hookage 4 months ago
Maybe if you've got one of those lizard tongues that shoots out and grabs things.
#21
Bubble Bee
Not Today Tuesday 4 months ago
You mean… they’re not called bubble bees? But they look like bubble bees.
ManuelQue 4 months ago
There actually is a type of bee that makes their nest in the ground. They don't sting either.
Spencer's slave no longer 4 months ago
We have 28 native species of bees in New Zealand and they live in the ground. They're mostly solitary, placid and rarely sting.
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Her top advice? Always read through your work at least once, no matter how smart your phone or laptop claims to be. “Proofreading can be boring, I get it,” Rosemary admits, “but it’s a lifesaver. A quick glance can catch those sneaky mistakes before you end up explaining to your boss or teacher why your report suddenly says something completely different. It’s worth the extra minute.”
#22
A Lip Tickle Machine
Phantom Phoenix 4 months ago
Thought it would be a lip tickle, turned out it's a pain in the arşe
#23
Our Server Nicely Boxed And Labeled Our To-Go Food. Here's Our Filet Minion
#24
Do You Realize This Is Antisymmetric?
MeowZedong 4 months ago (edited)
No symmetry there. It is anti non-christian faiths and secular people if you wanna go that route.
Spidercat 4 months ago
Well the original festival was a pagan ritual and we get tinsel from the practice of draping pig entrails over trees...most religious holidays are ones that absorbed a preexisting one and took over the dates and rituals. Meh... it's all just 'Invisible Man in the Sky' nonsense anyway.
Load More Replies... Nikki Spears Gross 4 months ago (edited)
Years ago, when I still worked in the bakery at Sam's Club, one of our door greeters said "Merry Christmas" to a member. They got "offended" and sued the store and actually won. So, we were banned from saying "Merry Christmas" to anyone and that included even our co-workers. The reason that didn't make sense: I live in the South in the middle of the "Bible Belt" where there is churches, temples and mosques of every denomination you can think of, on practically every street corner. If you get offended hearing someone say "Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Feliz Navidad, Happy Yule, etc." then bless your heart, you are living in the wrong d**n place. We have an Air Force Base in my city, so we have people from all over the world that lives here, we are an absolute melting pot of various nationalities and you can basically take your pick of pretty much any religion you want to practice and that includes Wiccan, Pagan and there is even a Satanic church.
Mel in Georgia 4 months ago
Even though I'm a non-believer, I would never get offended by someone saying Merry Christmas to me. (I, too, live in the South.) Why anyone would be offended by Happy Holidays is beyond me. Lighten up, people, it's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 4 months ago
There are over 4,000 religions in the world, and Christianity is just one of them. Judaism is another. This meme is NOT antisemitic.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I'd call it Christian-centric or Christian-force-y, though XD Christian-egotistical? But that's a contradiction in terms since all Christians think their religion is the only correct one... XD
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Child of the Stars 4 months ago (edited)
I never did understand the objections to "Happy Holidays." Even if you're anti anything not celebrated by Christians, you have Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the new year celebrated in a short span of time.
Thankfully, if you’re smart about it, technology can be your best sidekick. “Use autocorrect and grammar apps but don’t let them think for you,” Rosemary says. “If an app flags something, pause and look it up. Treat it like a quick lesson instead of just clicking ‘accept change.’ The more you check, the more you learn. And the fewer awkward slip-ups you’ll have next time.”
#25
Cream Delay
Elwood Schwartz (it/that) 4 months ago
I hate it when I have a cream delay. The wife is like "hurry up."
#26
She’s Cake
Angela C 4 months ago
"one of these women is an actual person. The other.... Is cake! Which one?" *Pulls out knife*
Load More Replies... #27
Condescending Tumble Dryer
Sue Denham 4 months ago
No thanks. I hate when laundry appliances think they're superior to me.
Michael Largey 4 months ago
"oh, you've been wearing that old thing again? No wonder I'm the only one who'll give you a tumble."
Sarah 4 months ago (edited)
Of course it judges. Why do cheap items come Out fine and others utterly ruined by colours leaking. They definitely are judging and washing accordingly
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Bill Swallow 4 months ago
For the sake of my sanity, I *have* to think that a lot of these started out as very simple, minor misspellings and typographical errors that were 'snapped' onto a correctly spelled but very inappropriate word by our old friend, "Autocarrot". Heck, it's happened to me more than once when I don't rigorously re-read a comment before posting it.
Sue 4 months ago
I think a lot are voice to text & nobody bothers checking.
Load More Replies... CooperDooper81 4 months ago
'Hanging it out on the clothesline too hard for you, Phil!? Look at you, you're a disgrace. Your mother would be ashamed....'
And at the end of the day, Rosemary says it’s all about keeping it light. “You’ll mess up, I’ll mess up, everyone does. Laugh it off, fix it, and move on. Language is tricky, but it’s fun too. So next time you mix up your words, just smile and say: ‘Well, that’s one more thing I won’t mess up twice!’ Now that’s the real definition of learning.”
These posts really show how these mix-ups can turn an ordinary sentence into something hilariously confusing. Have you ever come across a funny misspelling or heard someone swap words in a way that made you laugh out loud? Or maybe you’ve typed out a “professional” message, only to spot the embarrassing slip-up after hitting send? Tell us your best (or worst!) word blunders, we’d love to hear them!
#28
Amber Lamps
Panda'sMom 3 months ago (edited)
I was a Paramedic in the Dark Ages. My son (age 6 at the time) would say "My Mommy works on a Elephance". He is 52 now, we still tease him about it.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I recently read a book by an author (who is the son of a very famous author) who actually wrote out that one of the characters said "I'm going to call the amble-lance." Writing it out phonetically ONCE to give a sense of the character's accent is fine; it literally sets the tone. But the author KEPT writing it out that way whenever the character said the word: amble-lance. Over and over. None of the character's other dialogue was spelled "phonetically" in their Southern accent, so it was incredibly jarring, unnecessary, and broke my immersion in the book every single time I ran into another instance of "amble-lance" XD Unfortunately, the author's writing is absolutely awful, despite him being the son of one of the most famous authors alive today XD I still like "amber lamps" better than "amble-lance", though.
#29
Urine Hole
Riley Quinn 4 months ago
I don't mean to brag, but I would've figured that based on the taped wrapping.
Howl's sleeping castle 4 months ago
The Mcdonalds near me had a 'Dont press the LIVER' sign in their bathroom. It's been almost 10 years and i still laugh about it
King Of Birbz 4 months ago
why did they wrap it in plastic and seal it with like an entire roll of tape? did someone bring Taco Bell into McDonalds?
#30
Ah Yes. An *enchilada*
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I mean, they're monotremes - they lay eggs - so of COURSE it's a chicken enchilada XD
Load More Replies... Beak Hookage 4 months ago
Fortunately, echidnas can swim. They're actually quite good at it. See how he's using his little snoot as a snorkel? It makes sense given that their closest related species is the platypus. They both lay eggs. No, really.
Pam McDougall 3 months ago
Eagles don't like Mexican food, that's why he dropped the enchilada.
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#31
Prostituted?
David Morgan 4 months ago
Man, that Hugh Hefner TALKED a big game, but reality is a let-down.
Load More Replies... #32
Morbidity Scooter
HardBoiledBlonde 4 months ago (edited)
Looks like someone died on the scoter whight on that sput.
Nikki Spears Gross 4 months ago
Given the condition of the scooter and that spool of wire, I'm guessing this is really truth in advertising.
Leg less In Minneapolis 4 months ago
That is nasty, looks like someone died on it and they were not found 3 days
David Morgan 4 months ago
Was this photographed in a woodworking shop? What is all the white stuff everywhere? It CAN'T be dandruff...can it?
#33
Eternal Bleeding
#34
The Pilot Ejaculated
TrenchCoatRaccoon 4 months ago
Took his hand off the controls and Pulled up on the wrong joystick.
Claire Collymore 4 months ago
With all the stupid and non-sexual words that BP censors, I am very surprised that ejaculated is not censored.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
If you really think about it, ejaculation is a FORM of ejection............
Load More Replies... Squirrel Chaser 4 months ago (edited)
Well, the pilot was working his joystick, got really into it, and hit the wrong button.
Load More Replies... #35
I Guess I'll Use My Tongue Then
#36
Autistic Guitar
#37
That's What I'd Call A Pho Pa
Khavrinen 4 months ago
Fox paws. ( It's a web-cartoon: http://www.ozfoxes.com/fauxpas.htm )
Load More Replies... Tim Gearing 4 months ago
That’s a 50 year old joke. makes me feel even older now
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#38
Doggy Dog World
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
"But I'm such a CUTE doggy dog, Emilu!" cute_work-...0809e5.jpg 
#39
Numb Trucks
#40
Salmon Vanilla
Bill Swallow 4 months ago
You know! They own that little diner down the street!
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Philly Bob 4 months ago
Sal Manilla, I know that guy. Definitely mob. A real bad dude. Makes ya sick about it too.
Jeremy James 4 months ago
Sal Manila: he's an enforcer for the mafia who comes to your house and kneecaps you if you serve undercooked chicken.
#41
Winter Bagel
Tamiko 4 months ago
I'm still waiting on the Winter Bagel model by Winnebago.
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#42
Aspergers
MonsterMum 4 months ago
Well that's one way to use up all the 'ejaculations' on this page!
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OldButNewButBroken 4 months ago
The only typo here is the pepersauce. The deer actually had aspergers. It's an acquired taste. I prefer deer with schizophrenia; every other bite tastes like salmon
Day Andie 4 months ago
Hmmm, what a tough decision... Do I pick the guy that can cook (and hopefully clean up after himself) or the guy that can spell? What a de-llama!!
Pam McDougall 3 months ago
I took the guy, who could fix things and helped clean. I could read and spell for both of us.
Load More Replies... Mike F 4 months ago
If the venison is good it would be, but sometimes it's a cr@p shoot.
Load More Replies... #43
Popcorn In The Kettle Back
Kristie Olmstead 4 months ago
This one feels like it was somebody using voice-to-text who didn't proofread.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
My mom and sister both do this when they text. Sometimes their messages are nearly incomprehensible when read, and I have to literally read them out loud as-is in order to realize what they were TRYING to say XD My mom's got a bit of an excuse, she's 80, but my sister's only 49. It would take her two seconds to read over her text before she hits send, but noooo XD
Load More Replies... Doofnuts 4 months ago
How in the hell do you get this out of "the pot calling the kettle black"!? Holy c**p!
Emilu 4 months ago
Don't put popcorn in your kettle. The water will get it wet and then it'll go all soggy. 🥲
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
But then how do they make "kettle corn"??? XD (joke)
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Jane Hower 3 months ago
What do you call it when the cows return to the marijuana fields? It's just 'the pot calling the cattle back.' hehe
#44
Flushing Blood
Doofnuts 4 months ago
I'm starting to worry about myself. I'm understanding these way to easily.
geezeronthehill 4 months ago
The trick seems to be to read them quickly and out loud.
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Teutonic Disaster 4 months ago
I hope OP extends this sentiment beyond kids living in a very specific part of New York City.
Major Harris 4 months ago
well, it was said that keith richards got his blood switched out once a year, sooo......
#45
I Sweater Got
Day Andie 4 months ago
Honestly, it's not short and chubby that's a problem, as long as you're fun to be with and are just a genuinely nice guy, it would be the dead end job, no money, and no ambition.
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Linda Johnson 3 months ago
d**n!! I sweater got too....and here I've been saying "swear to god" for over 50 years!!!!
#46
Acquit In The Bedroom
Margaret H 3 months ago
I'd have to know what crimes they'd committed in the bedroom before I acquitted them. After that, I'd judge them.
Dawn Marie 4 months ago
forget the bedroom for now, are they upstanding citizens? Have they ever committed any violent crimes? Does he have a decent and reliable job?
Squirrelly Panda 4 months ago
Assume in all other ways they are equally good. Kind heart, good job, good supportive partner, etc. Just one is handsome and physically fit, but no sense of humor and the other is out of shape, not great looking, but a good sense of humor. I'll take the one that makes me laugh.
Load More Replies... #47
Mitch Max Socks
Nadira Abdulla 4 months ago
More importantly, you really left the house in crocs??!! Unpopular opinion, crocs are sooooo ugly
Nikki Spears Gross 4 months ago
I worked at a blood bank and every year we would get scrub vouchers to use at various shops. The great thing was that they were good for ANYTHING that the store carries even special orders. One of the most popular items is shoes. They carry different brands and styles that are specially made for people in the Healthcare field, since they meet specific standards on what you're allowed to wear. The best part is they are designed for comfort and support during long hours on your feet. Some of the most popular types were "modified crocs" and if you wonder why? Stain, slip and fluid resistant (blood, urine, vomit, etc.) they're easy to clean and comfy as hell. Working 8-24 HR shifts and rotations, fashion and looking good goes out the window and can go f**k itself. BTW, if you ever need advice on stain removal of clothing and shoes, ask anyone in the HC field and they'll tell you all kinds of tips and tricks you can use. Because replacing s**t is expensive and not an option.
Robert Trebor 4 months ago
I have venous insufficiency in my lower legs and my feet vary in size as the day goes by. Crocs are my choice. My feet in shoes start screaming after a couple of hours. The crocs work with my compression stockings to keep me on my feet.
Becca not Becky 4 months ago
I can't tell what's worse. The mismatched socks, the spelling, or the use of crocs
Beak Hookage 4 months ago
This is why I always folled my sucks in pears. They never get mitch maxed that way.
#48
Scoop This Low 💔
#49
Bat And I
Linda Johnson 3 months ago
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE LEVEL OF ILLITERATE-NESS in this Country !!!
#50
The Ugly President
Nikki Spears Gross 4 months ago
This can apply to our current president, but there is currently 193 countries that are part of the United Nations and not all of them look like models.
Vylnce NA 4 months ago
Likely someone complaining in a place that simply tapes down cords instead of doing proper cabling.
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#51
Crotched
WindySwede 4 months ago
If there is a hurricane, you've just might need to!
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
That's... that... that's a novel way to hold the needles, for sure...
#52
Edged Out Of Stone
Riley Quinn 4 months ago
Some of these mondegreens I can almost understand (edge/etch), but a lot more of them are a great distance from the source material.
#53
Poke A Dot
#54
Lawn More
#55
Bugger 🇬🇧🇬🇧
#56
Implement Weather
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I mean, depending on your personal faith and/or religious views, one might actually believe that the weather is implemented by a higher power XD Or government weather-control satellites, if you're a conspiracy theorist...
Caffeinated Ape 4 months ago (edited)
Edit: I had a dumb joke for this but I decided it was lame. Edit2: Wait; "Implement weather is when it starts raining cutlery and hand tools." ...no that's lame too. I'll see myself out.
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#57
Carmel Used Onions
Kathy Brooke 4 months ago
Dunno, carmel used presumably means they've never been spoken to
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I mean, both are sacrilege, IMO. XD I tend to like ribeyes lightly seasoned (salt/pepper) and that's it - I'm there to enjoy the meat itself. I AM a wolf, after all. Though I DO love mushrooms AND onions... XD
nottheactualphoto 4 months ago
Exactly. Meat should taste like meat. Mushrooms and onions are awesome, but they don't belong on a steak.
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#58
This Evening !
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I'm guessing a LOT of these are speech-to-text generated or AI captioned.
Load More Replies... #59
Twofer: "Organizing Pain" And "Syrups And Right"
Teutonic Disaster 4 months ago
Or "something ain't right" but the emojis make me think you're more likely to be correct.
Load More Replies... #60
A Bomb Fire
#61
Don’t Give In To Pure Pressure
#62
Beauty Is In The Eye When You Hold Her
#63
Come Do It
#64
“Pho” Leather?
#65
Air Ducks
#66
Dangerous Crab
#67
Waiters
#68
Bob Wired
Upstaged75 4 months ago
There are actually places where it IS called bob-wire. It's usually farmers who refer to it that way.
Queen Boudicca 4 months ago (edited)
Not on purpose. It has become part of the language because people have always made stupid mistakes with language...until it becomes accepted. "Conversate" was not a word. Converse is. But now conversate is in the dictionary.
Load More Replies... Mike F 4 months ago
TBF, that's how it's referred to in the American south, it's a bob wire fence rather than a barbed wire fence.
Bill Swallow 4 months ago
I refuse to let ignoramuses dictate proper spelling. And I say this as someone who spent many hours stringing and maintaining barbed wire fences. (So sue me - I'm from Pennsylvania.)
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I'm not saying that @ssault is a good thing. But if these things are spray-painted (and they must be; what company produces bright pink barbed wire?!) just think about it - if you had to use one in self-defense, the spray paint would get, err, *into* the wounds of your assailant and make it VERY easy to ID them later XD
WindySwede 4 months ago
There could also be glitter size particles with your specific ID number on.. like the dna marked valuables have.
Load More Replies... Trish Wise 3 months ago
And they come in Christmas colors! Great presents for the whole family!
David Morgan 4 months ago
I suppose it depends on where you live, and the advertised purpose. If you advertise them as 'wall decorations' rather than 'defensive weapons' then the law changes.
Load More Replies... #69
A Poultry Sum
Crystalwitch60 4 months ago
Basically yes 😂it’s what we say in uk lol chicken feed 😂
Load More Replies... #70
Chester Draws
Auntriarch 4 months ago (edited)
I went to work on a wear your pants outside day (I can't remember which charity it was for) with three pairs of knickers pinned to my jumper across the front. Yes it was a chest of drawers.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I need an explanation of "wear your pants outside day" - underpants/undergarments?
Load More Replies... #71
Arm Wall
#72
Imagine Being Sugar Coded
Michael Largey 4 months ago (edited)
Of course it's anti-religious. It's all about kindness, generousity, and spirituality.
#73
Culver Sack
Bill Swallow 4 months ago
Well, to be fair, if you drive into a Culver sack, people might mistake you for a hamberder!
Auntriarch 4 months ago
I can never see that without my brain translating it into "årse of a bag".
David Morgan 4 months ago (edited)
How can you NOT find an address on a cul-de-sac? It's literally a loop. Go down one side continuously, and you'll eventually pass ALL the buildings. If you get back to where you started, just go round again.
#74
Dust To Dawn
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
Ah yes, I always wake up at Dust a.m. and make sure I'm in bed by Dawn p.m.
Auntriarch 4 months ago
*obligatory joke about getting up at the crack of Dawn*
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 4 months ago
Before the pool opened in the a.m., we lifeguards had to sweep up the snack bar area and dust the water.
#75
Pep Peas (Pet Peeves)
#76
Capuchin Maker
BrunoVI 4 months ago
That is the English translation, Don't translate, "it's genuine smeg, ma!"
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I KNOW that that's a legitimate appliance brand. And I am 43 years old and a grown adult. But I STILL giggle whenever I see one in a store or see a photo of one XD
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#77
Little Own
#78
Night Mayor Fuel
#79
Mute Point
#80
Cyst Male
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What do you think ?
BrunoVI 4 months ago (edited)
I was enter-trained by the hole art tickle. The income Steve a bull eras, missed steaks and non cents were inedible! Wrecker-mend won hindered purse scent! Sir Ten Lee Will Cher with my so-chill apts.
General Anaesthesia 4 months ago
Not sure eye understand, could you ejaculate?
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 4 months ago
I rather like being able to hear how people are saying things, like waiters for waders, you know they pronounce the t as a d.
Nikki Spears Gross 4 months ago (edited)
This is why you see some of my posts that will have edited beside them. I try to proofread before posting, but sometimes things may slip by so I do have to go back and edit them after I post. Even then I still might make a mistake or two on what I write. I will NOT act like a "grammar nāzi" since I realize that for several people on this site, English might not be their first language. Yes, there is always room for improvement, but I've seen people that can be downright asshōles about it.
UKGrandad 4 months ago
According to the poll, 91% of respondents claim to rarely or almost never make typos. Am I alone in finding this suspiciously high? I mean, have you read the comments sections?
BrunoVI 4 months ago (edited)
The calm mints s*x chins are farely litter-it on this cite. Sum missed steaks are inedible, do two Type-Os, butt there phew and fart bi+ch ween. (Real life here:) I tend to "dictate" to myself, so I'll occasionally use the wrong word (like "they're" instead of "there") when I know darned well what the right word is.
Load More Replies... glowworm2 4 months ago
I once adorably misspelled "parakeets" as "parrotkeets". I also once misspelled "aisle" as "isle". Usually I'm better than that though. One day in high school, I was typing a word, and started laughing before rewriting it. It was D-I-C-K-T-A-T-O-R.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I mean, parakeets are a species of parrot, so your first one wasn't even really wrong XD
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Shortstuff 4 months ago
I have to say...I type a sentence, and when I read it back, predictive text completely alters what I have typed and it ends up unreadable rubbish. Obviously some people don't check what they have typed.
BrunoVI 4 months ago (edited)
I was enter-trained by the hole art tickle. The income Steve a bull eras, missed steaks and non cents were inedible! Wrecker-mend won hindered purse scent! Sir Ten Lee Will Cher with my so-chill apts.
General Anaesthesia 4 months ago
Not sure eye understand, could you ejaculate?
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 4 months ago
I rather like being able to hear how people are saying things, like waiters for waders, you know they pronounce the t as a d.
Nikki Spears Gross 4 months ago (edited)
This is why you see some of my posts that will have edited beside them. I try to proofread before posting, but sometimes things may slip by so I do have to go back and edit them after I post. Even then I still might make a mistake or two on what I write. I will NOT act like a "grammar nāzi" since I realize that for several people on this site, English might not be their first language. Yes, there is always room for improvement, but I've seen people that can be downright asshōles about it.
UKGrandad 4 months ago
According to the poll, 91% of respondents claim to rarely or almost never make typos. Am I alone in finding this suspiciously high? I mean, have you read the comments sections?
BrunoVI 4 months ago (edited)
The calm mints s*x chins are farely litter-it on this cite. Sum missed steaks are inedible, do two Type-Os, butt there phew and fart bi+ch ween. (Real life here:) I tend to "dictate" to myself, so I'll occasionally use the wrong word (like "they're" instead of "there") when I know darned well what the right word is.
Load More Replies... glowworm2 4 months ago
I once adorably misspelled "parakeets" as "parrotkeets". I also once misspelled "aisle" as "isle". Usually I'm better than that though. One day in high school, I was typing a word, and started laughing before rewriting it. It was D-I-C-K-T-A-T-O-R.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
I mean, parakeets are a species of parrot, so your first one wasn't even really wrong XD
Load More Replies... Shortstuff 4 months ago
I have to say...I type a sentence, and when I read it back, predictive text completely alters what I have typed and it ends up unreadable rubbish. Obviously some people don't check what they have typed.
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