Irene McIver
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Irene McIver • commented on 4 posts 1 month ago
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Irene McIver • upvoted 11 items 1 month ago
Another-Level-Of-Stupid-Moments
Coworker bought a low-flow shower head. He filled the BATHTUB using the new low-flow shower head BECAUSE IT WOULD USE LESS WATER!
Another-Level-Of-Stupid-Moments
My boss asked me to file the spam mail. This man was one of those people who think they are the smartest person in the room. So spam folder Okay... weird, but okay. I couldn’t find any spam mail that wasn’t already in the spam folder. Afternoon comes and he stomps over to my desk area and wants to know why the spam isn’t in the spam folder as he throws a Manila folder on my desk. The folder was labeled spam. He prints spam mail out and files it. And with any sign of skepticism on my face, he’d insist the IT guy told him that’s where spam goes so he got himself a folder and that was it. I had to get the f**k out.
Another-Level-Of-Stupid-Moments
Dated a guy~ we watched TITANIC.... he thought the movie was stupid because the boat sank. It wasn’t believable. You can’t recover from that. Ever
Another-Level-Of-Stupid-Moments
This was my first experience in retail where I learned what many customers would be like. Seasons were changing, so we put a lot of shirts we had to get rid of in the front and made them 50% off. I was working the register when a woman came up to buy her things. I rang her up and could see a look on her face like something was wrong. That’s when the following happened. Lady: “Why is this so much.” Me: “Pardon me?” Lady: “This should only be $10 not $20.” I thought that maybe her item was on sale, so I asked if she could point out the sign because I wasn’t aware of it. It was a small store and we didn't have to walk anywhere. Lady: “This sign here.” Me: “This sign says that all shirts are 50% off.” Lady: “Yes, so why is this full price.” Me: “This is a hat.”Show All 11 Upvotes
Irene McIver • commented on a post 2 months ago
Irene McIver • upvoted 24 items 2 months ago
Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a New Yorker are on a safari when they get separated from the group and run into a tribe of cannibals. The cannibal chief tells the men that they will be killed, eaten, and their skins will be made into canoes. "But we are not complete savages," he says. "You shall be allowed the weapon of your choice and can commit suicide." So the Englishman asks for a sword, and as he thrusts it into his heart, he exclaims, "Long live the queen!" The Frenchman asks for a pistol, and puts it to his head yelling, "Viva la France!" The New Yorker says, "gimme a knife," and then proceeds to stab himself all over the place... his arms, his legs, his torso... and the cannibal chief, watching this, finally asks him what he is doing. The New Yorker replies, "f**k your canoe."
Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
A teenage boy is taking his girlfriend to the prom, so he needs to get ready. First, he needs a tux, so he goes to buy one, but the line is really long, but since he needs a tux, he waits anyway. Then, he needs to get her some flowers, so he goes to the florist. Yet again, the line is extremely long, but he waits anyway. Next, he remembers he needs to go get tickets, but you called it, the line is long, yet he waits anyway. Finally, the day has come and he's all ready, but sick of waiting in lines. He gets there and has to wait in a really long line to get in, but obviously, he does. When they do get in, they dance for a while, talk for a while. Then he decides to get punch. And after all that, there was no punch line.Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a New Yorker are on a safari when they get separated from the group and run into a tribe of cannibals. The cannibal chief tells the men that they will be killed, eaten, and their skins will be made into canoes. "But we are not complete savages," he says. "You shall be allowed the weapon of your choice and can commit suicide." So the Englishman asks for a sword, and as he thrusts it into his heart, he exclaims, "Long live the queen!" The Frenchman asks for a pistol, and puts it to his head yelling, "Viva la France!" The New Yorker says, "gimme a knife," and then proceeds to stab himself all over the place... his arms, his legs, his torso... and the cannibal chief, watching this, finally asks him what he is doing. The New Yorker replies, "f**k your canoe."
Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
A teenage boy is taking his girlfriend to the prom, so he needs to get ready. First, he needs a tux, so he goes to buy one, but the line is really long, but since he needs a tux, he waits anyway. Then, he needs to get her some flowers, so he goes to the florist. Yet again, the line is extremely long, but he waits anyway. Next, he remembers he needs to go get tickets, but you called it, the line is long, yet he waits anyway. Finally, the day has come and he's all ready, but sick of waiting in lines. He gets there and has to wait in a really long line to get in, but obviously, he does. When they do get in, they dance for a while, talk for a while. Then he decides to get punch. And after all that, there was no punch line.Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Trump frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around you are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Boris Johnson in here, would you?" The Prime Minster walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?" The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this, if you would, Boris. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, he answered, "That would be me." "Yes! Very good," said the Queen. Trump went back home to ask Mike Pence the same question. “ Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Pence. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer. Finally, Pence ran in to his friend Jack Murphy in a restaurant the next night. Pence asked, "Jack, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Jack Murphy answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!" Pence smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Pence then went back to speak with Trump. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle: It's my friend Jack Murphy!" Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled, "No, you idiot! It's Boris Johnson!"Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
When I was a kid, i told everyone I wanted to be a comedian. They all laughed. Now that I am a comedian, no one is laughing.Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
What's E.T short for? Because he only has little legsHey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
Q can a kangaroo jump higher than a building? A yes because buildings cant jumpHey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
So, I was out on the boating pool with my dad and this fella comes on the loudspeaker: "Come in number 91, your time is up!" and the bloke next to him says: "We haven't got a number 91". So, he get back on the tannoy and says: "Are you in trouble number 16?"Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoe’s. After that, who cares! Your a mile away from them and you’ve got their shoes!
Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
A bear and a rabbit go to take a dump in the woods. While they're squatting there, the bear says, "Excuse me, but do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "Why, no, I don't." So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit.Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
If I had a dollar every time a girl found me unattractive I would be found attractive.Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
A man after buying a parrot, is frustrated that the parrot is cursing up a storm, being aggressive, and just acting terrible so the man decides in order to teach the bird a lesson he will put it in the freezer. Maybe the cold will calm him down. So he grabs the birds, shoves him in the freezer and for like 2 minutes the parrot is squawking and throwing a fit. Then the man hears a small knock on the freezer door. He opens it up and out comes the parrot calm and with his head down. The parrot says "Sir, I am sorry for my recent impropriety, I have acted unpleasant and I am truly sorry." The man says "apology accepted." then the parrot says "sir, might I ask a question?" the man says "you may " Parrot: "well sir, I noticed that when I was cursing and biting you threw me in the freezer for my actions. So I was wondering what did the chicken do?"Show All 24 Upvotes
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Irene McIver • commented on 4 posts 1 month ago
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Irene McIver • commented on 12 posts 1 year ago
Irene McIver • upvoted 11 items 1 month ago
Another-Level-Of-Stupid-Moments
Coworker bought a low-flow shower head. He filled the BATHTUB using the new low-flow shower head BECAUSE IT WOULD USE LESS WATER!Another-Level-Of-Stupid-Moments
My boss asked me to file the spam mail. This man was one of those people who think they are the smartest person in the room. So spam folder Okay... weird, but okay. I couldn’t find any spam mail that wasn’t already in the spam folder. Afternoon comes and he stomps over to my desk area and wants to know why the spam isn’t in the spam folder as he throws a Manila folder on my desk. The folder was labeled spam. He prints spam mail out and files it. And with any sign of skepticism on my face, he’d insist the IT guy told him that’s where spam goes so he got himself a folder and that was it. I had to get the f**k out.Another-Level-Of-Stupid-Moments
Dated a guy~ we watched TITANIC.... he thought the movie was stupid because the boat sank. It wasn’t believable. You can’t recover from that. EverAnother-Level-Of-Stupid-Moments
This was my first experience in retail where I learned what many customers would be like. Seasons were changing, so we put a lot of shirts we had to get rid of in the front and made them 50% off. I was working the register when a woman came up to buy her things. I rang her up and could see a look on her face like something was wrong. That’s when the following happened. Lady: “Why is this so much.” Me: “Pardon me?” Lady: “This should only be $10 not $20.” I thought that maybe her item was on sale, so I asked if she could point out the sign because I wasn’t aware of it. It was a small store and we didn't have to walk anywhere. Lady: “This sign here.” Me: “This sign says that all shirts are 50% off.” Lady: “Yes, so why is this full price.” Me: “This is a hat.” Irene McIver • upvoted 9 items 2 months ago
Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a New Yorker are on a safari when they get separated from the group and run into a tribe of cannibals. The cannibal chief tells the men that they will be killed, eaten, and their skins will be made into canoes. "But we are not complete savages," he says. "You shall be allowed the weapon of your choice and can commit suicide." So the Englishman asks for a sword, and as he thrusts it into his heart, he exclaims, "Long live the queen!" The Frenchman asks for a pistol, and puts it to his head yelling, "Viva la France!" The New Yorker says, "gimme a knife," and then proceeds to stab himself all over the place... his arms, his legs, his torso... and the cannibal chief, watching this, finally asks him what he is doing. The New Yorker replies, "f**k your canoe."
Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
A teenage boy is taking his girlfriend to the prom, so he needs to get ready. First, he needs a tux, so he goes to buy one, but the line is really long, but since he needs a tux, he waits anyway. Then, he needs to get her some flowers, so he goes to the florist. Yet again, the line is extremely long, but he waits anyway. Next, he remembers he needs to go get tickets, but you called it, the line is long, yet he waits anyway. Finally, the day has come and he's all ready, but sick of waiting in lines. He gets there and has to wait in a really long line to get in, but obviously, he does. When they do get in, they dance for a while, talk for a while. Then he decides to get punch. And after all that, there was no punch line.Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Trump frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around you are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Boris Johnson in here, would you?" The Prime Minster walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?" The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this, if you would, Boris. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, he answered, "That would be me." "Yes! Very good," said the Queen. Trump went back home to ask Mike Pence the same question. “ Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Pence. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer. Finally, Pence ran in to his friend Jack Murphy in a restaurant the next night. Pence asked, "Jack, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Jack Murphy answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!" Pence smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Pence then went back to speak with Trump. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle: It's my friend Jack Murphy!" Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled, "No, you idiot! It's Boris Johnson!"Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
When I was a kid, i told everyone I wanted to be a comedian. They all laughed. Now that I am a comedian, no one is laughing.Hey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
What's E.T short for? Because he only has little legsHey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
Q can a kangaroo jump higher than a building? A yes because buildings cant jumpHey Pandas, What Is The Funniest Joke You Know?
So, I was out on the boating pool with my dad and this fella comes on the loudspeaker: "Come in number 91, your time is up!" and the bloke next to him says: "We haven't got a number 91". So, he get back on the tannoy and says: "Are you in trouble number 16?"This Panda hasn't followed anyone yet
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