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People Share The Moments When They Realized Their Friend Is Not Their Friend Anymore
If you’ve managed to keep the same best friend for decades, you’re incredibly fortunate. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a bestie that stands by their side through thick and thin. And it’s not just about will power, as friendship is a two-way street. Both parties need to be thoroughly invested in the relationship, or it will eventually begin to crumble.
Redditors have been sharing stories of the nail in the coffin of some of their former friendships, so we’ve gathered their most heartbreaking tales below. While it’s never easy to experience a friendship breakup, it can teach a person valuable lessons and prevent them from experiencing even more pain in the future. So we hope you’ll learn something from these cautionary tales, and be sure to upvote the people that you believe are better off without their former “friends.”
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#2
Drunkenly blamed my mother’s cancer on the Covid vaccine, on the day of her diagnosis. She used my family’s pain and fear to justify her conspiracy theory. Mom is fine now. I’ve been no contact with the friend for 4 years.
#3
My needy bff not taking a moment to listen after I went through a very violent and emotional trauma event. She talked about her husband not taking the trash bin to the curb.
So I kicked our friendship to the curb.
#4
I traveled 800 miles to hang out and he spent the entire time working on his busted computer .
#5
The person I thought was my best friend never told me she was engaged - her fiance told me, a year after he asked, and was shocked I didn't know. I started paying attention to a lot more of how we interacted - I was always supporting her, checking in with her to see if she was good, etc.... it was one sided. She didn't care about if I was good, so I stopped caring too.
#6
He got sick with MS and got to the point of needing some help around the house. Was swapping out a overhead light for him. Needed a screwdriver and went to his shed to find one. I entered and discovered my missing stuff going back 40 years. Pellet gun from when we were 12. All my stolen fishing gear. All my deceased father's tools from my garage that I thought someone broke in to get...
Didn't even go back into the house. Just got in my car and left. Best friends from 8 years old to 50 years old. Never spoke another word to him.
#7
When I was diagnosed with BC and scheduled for a bilateral mastectomy, she told me that she’d rather not live than have a mutilated body like that. This was in 2017, and we’d been best friends since 1981.
#8
Nothing. We just don't talk anymore.
They meant more to me than I ever meant to them.
I wish we'd had a fight or something, honestly. It would hurt less.
#9
I was always there for her during everything but realised she never once just checked in with me or rang or messaged just to chat or say hello or ask about any of my family it was always constant need for her attention it was so draining I had to cut contact.
#10
I was always there whenever they wanted to yap about their ahole boss or regarding anything but when I got really depressed and just wanted someone to talk to, they said I was acting and seeking attention. I stopped talking to them after that.
#11
I noticed a pattern of asking for me to buy things, drive places, etc. Never repaid or anything towards trips or anything.
#12
I fronted the costs for our tickets to an event I wasn't interested in, because she wanted to go. She promised to pay me back. She drove us there, it was about an hour away.
Afterward, she wanted to go to an after party at a bar with some of her friends I had never met before. I was underage, didn't even have a fake ID, but no one was carding. She promised not to drink, because she drove us. I bought a drink, then two. Vodka Redbull, because I had no idea what to order and someone near me chose it. She ditched me pretty early on, and I was just sort of stuck in limbo. I tried to find her a few times, but she was never very interested in talking to me, so eventually I found a seat and played a game on my cell phone and nursed another drink. Hoped no one had the bright idea to try to card me (technically, I wasn't allowed to even be in there).
Not long before closing time, someone I went to middle school with saw me, asked me if I was there with her (they had seen her earlier and knew we were friends), and tried to help me find her. We couldn't find her. I remembered lingering outside the bathroom hoping she would be the person to come out next.
Anyway, the bar closed and they kicked everyone out. I was freaking out. She was not outside. She was not answering her phone. I wanted to leave, but she was my ride. The girl I went to middle school with offered to let me sleep over and take me home in the morning, but I had her keys and stupidly felt obligated to return them so she wouldn't be stranded.
I was crying and talking to my parents on the phone. They would have picked me up, but again, home was an hour away, so I would have been stuck sitting outside in downtown at 2 AM, in 40°F weather. I considered taking an Uber, but I felt super vulnerable and panicky, and the idea of being stuck in a car with a stranger for an hour... no thank you.
Right around that time, she finally answered her phone. Turns out she had run into her ex-boyfriend, followed him across the street, and was in his car, presumably begging him to take her back. He had blocked her on all social media and everything, so this was the only way she could talk to him.
She was actually angry about the interruption.
I let her drive me home, which I regret. She was drunk and should not have been driving, but I didn't know what else to do. A friend of hers followed us in his car to make sure we arrived safely. We did, by some miracle. Probably because the roads were empty at 2 AM.
Anyway, I probably would have forgiven all that, to some degree. People do dumb stuff at that age. They do even dumber stuff when they're drunk and don't know what a healthy relationship is.
But the thing that sticks in my head still, every time she texts me happy birthday or whatever, is that she never bothered to pay me back the $60 event ticket. Even after I asked more than once.
Sara Frazer 7 hours ago
Personally I think that the person who was DD (designated driver) and promised that they wouldn't drink, then went back on that and proceeded to drive me around drunk, would bother me more than a ticket. Y'all could've díed
#13
Covid. After 30 yrs of friendship She didn't accept that i got the vaccination because of her right wing blahblah.
Bored Jellyfish 11 hours ago
I also gave up a friendship of a Covid denier. She really started going off the rails about it (AND she was a nurse). Just baffling.
#14
I let her bf live in our beautiful remodeled apartment rent free, allowed him to turn what was supposed to be our make up room into a gaming room, never complained about them taking up the common areas, washer dryer 24/7, kitchen. one day they woke me up at 2am fighting (hearing her sobbing and yelling at him to leave her alone and get out) after knowing i'm up at 6am for work. i kicked him out of the apartment and she took his side.
#15
She gave up a foster child when she got pregnant saying that she would rather just “deal with her real child”. I could never look at her the same after that.
Drop Bear from Hell 4 hours ago
I had a friend like that. Shad a 13yo foster child, had him since he was a baby. The child begged her to adopt him - she refused for two reasons (WHICH SHE TOLD HIM TO HIS FACE) - your real mother is alive, and I refuse to be a 'substitute' and 'anyway, they pay me to keep you here - I'd lose income if I adopted you'. I was mortified for the child and for callousness of this 'friend'. When i left that day i never spoke to her again.
#16
Did not tell me she was going to get married, invited all her other friends and I had to find out about it through a friend in common’s insta story.
#17
She dumped me as her best friend for a girl that always hated me for no good reason.
I couldn’t understand how she could value someone that despised me for no other reason than ‘having my life together.’
We couldn’t move past it, she wouldn’t give her up and I couldn’t reconcile it.
It was like a painful divorce that took me years to get over. We were so close before that! It still hurts a little.
#18
I spent about 4K being her maid of honour (hosted bridal shower, dress, makeup & hair, wedding gift etc.) and after her wedding she ghosted me. She married into a very toxic family, her husband is controlling and she followed his lead and cut off most if not all of her friends that she obtained prior to him or ones that were not his friends. Her mom and my mom were best friends since they were young teenagers; she and I are the same age and were also best friends our whole lives. As soon as she tied the knot I no longer existed.
Huddo's sister 11 hours ago
A controlling husband often forces his wife to cut ties with her closest friends and family, so he can maintain control (and often so they don't discover the a***e). I don't think this is all her fault.
#19
She said my outfit was the ugliest thing she's ever seen. I ghosted her immediately. I bet she thinks I left her because of an outfit. It was years of toxic narcissistic behavior.
#20
Her kid was bullying mine. Her excellent (aka helicopter) parenting made it our fault. I don’t want friends like her.
#21
I ended a friendship of ten years because her loser husband kept cheating and she would blame the other women and become obsessed with them then accuse them of stalking her. It was way too toxic.
#22
I wanted to bond with his girlfriend so invited her over for a girls night. She vented about how toxic he was, I was horrified so I offered her a safe place to stay. Then she twisted the story, telling everyone I interfered in their relationship and I lost the entire group of friends. They chose his side and her story because they knew him longer. I had known them for 4 years at that point and we had a weekly dnd group. They are still together. I was married btw but she made it sound like I wanted him. Still hurts.
#23
Me, ex friend, and mutual friend were at ex friends house for dinner and game night, left to give our mutual friend a ride somewhere, came back to a locked door, no one home, her phone on do not disturb, and removed from the Life360 group. Never spoke to her (or anyone in that friend group) again but I’m still upset that I had left my dinner and belongings at her apartment and was never able to get back in to get them.
#24
She outed me as gay when I wasn't ready, I forgave her after a bit, and then she stopped talking to me because her fiance demanded that she did.
#25
Hitting on my girlfriend on my birthday. That sucked.
#27
I finally got pregnant after many, many years of infertility and IVF. She stopped talking to me because it was taking her over a year to have her third child and my pregnancy success was “ill-timed and rubbing it in her face.”.
#28
My brother cut me out of his life. I apologized in the event I did or said something, he won't communicate with me at all. I drove 7 hours to show up at his house and plead with him to let me be a part of his life and he said sure, then when I left, he resumed no contact.
Finally I called saying I was coming to town and asked if I could buy him a meal and catch up with him. He said "no thanks".
After that I just deleted him from my phone, it hurt too much to even see his name.
Wendy Hamilton 4 hours ago
It's not worth it. I went lc/nc with one of my sisters. She's extremely narcissistic and petty.
#29
I became besties with a girl in third grade. Over the decades, we were so close that our families became enmeshed. Our parents, our siblings, everyone were like a big family because of the relationship my best friend and myself. The friendship ended abruptly in our late 30s.
For years, she would make jokes about how I wasn’t invited to her bat mitzvah back in seventh grade. Despite being besties, I didn’t know ANYTHING about her bat mitzvah until one Monday as we were getting dressed for gym class and a mutual friend walked over to the locker we shared. That person mentioned what a great time she’d had on Saturday, how good the food was and how fancy the country club was where this huge event took place.
My reaction was, basically, “HUH???”
I looked at my friend whose face had turned beet red. The other girl asked me why I didn’t come to the party, I said, “Um…I’m not sure.”
When she walked away my friend immediately explained that the invitations had been sent out months ago, right after we’d had a disagreement when we’d gone bowling. I actually had NO recollection of any such thing but I didn’t question it. Thirteen-year-old girls can be petty so it was possible that we’d had some sort of argument. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.
For many years, my friend made jokes about it, saying things like “Yum, this tastes like the appetizers we had at my bat mitzvah. Whoops. I forgot. You weren’t there.” Each time, I would laugh and say “Nope. I definitely wasn’t.” Once, in college, I made that sane joke about how I wasn’t in attendance at her big event but she snapped at me and told me stop joking about that. It seemed weird because SHE was the one who always made those jokes, not me. But…okay. No problem.
More years go by, we’re adults, we move to the same city on the opposite coast from where we grew up and we’re still besties. She asked me to be her maid of honor. I was thrilled. Her uncle was getting remarried a few months before her wedding. I went to the wedding and sat at one of the family’s reserved tables at the reception. Her mom was, clearly, tipsy when she comes over to where I’m sitting and asks if I’m having a good time. I said yes, of course, I was having a ball. Then she says, “So, do you, finally, forgive me for not allowing her to invite you to her bat mitzvah?”
I looked at her, quizzically, and said, “What? What do you mean?” Her mom’s mouth dropped open, indicating she realized she’d said something she shouldn’t have. I looked over at my friend who was avoiding eye contact with me. Finally, she said, “Okay, so now you know. My mom wouldn’t let me invite you because you’re black. She said you’d probably be uncomfortable there so it would be better if you didn’t come.”
I was very confused. While I was not Jewish, I grew up in neighborhood that was predominantly Jewish and, for quite a while during my teens, it felt like all I did was go to bar and bat mitzvahs on the weekends. Those were my classmates who invited me. Now, TWENTY FIVE YEARS LATER, I’m learning that the person who was closest to me on this planet not only hadn’t invited me because of my race but also invented an entire story to make me believe that somehow I’d played some sort of role in it. The bowling alley fight was a lie. A decade’s worth of jokes were created to reinforce this lie and brainwash me into believing it. Her mother, who I considered my second mom, was so afraid of having ME there at her synagogue, among her friends and relatives, that she blocked her daughter from inviting her best friend simply because of her skin color (yet, somehow, other kids who were Latino and Asian made the cut.)
I could feel tears start pouring down my face. I had to excuse myself so I could go cry in a bathroom stall. Truthfully, the bat mitzvah itself was not the worst part of it. IT’S THE QUARTER OF A CENTURY’S WORTH OF RELENTLESS LIES. Plus, finding out that her mom, who I was so close to, didn’t want me there. Why? Was she afraid I was going to steal someone’s purse or something? Did she believe having a little black girl there would decrease her social standing at the synagogue?
It took me an hour to get home. I cried the whole time. A few days later, I, finally, got a text from my friend. All it said was, “Why are you so mad? It was so long ago. It’s not like I could really tell you the real reason and make my mom look bad.” It felt like she was telling me I was being ridiculous and I should just get over it.
But the whole thing made me see everyone so differently after that. We just stopped talking after that. I tried to get her to just sit down with me and we could just talk it out. I wanted to express how I felt. She’d had 25 years to get comfortable with this whole thing. I’d had less than a week. But, via text, she told me she didn’t want to talk about anymore and we needed to move forward. (“Talk ANYMORE?? We still hadn’t talked AT ALL.)
Our friendship never recovered. My former friend shifted the blame, treating me like I was the one responsible for that, instead of her inability to sit down one-on-one and take accountability for the lies. My sister is still in touch with her. Her little brother is, occasionally, still in touch with me. But WE don’t have any contact with each other.
#30
Screamed angrily, "Sometimes I swear to god you're Autistic!"
I'm not and it would be fine if I am.
#31
When I announced how happy I was to finally have $10,000 in savings after ruining my life from a gambling. And then a week later being told I was a selfish jerk cause I wouldn’t give him a $5,000 loan to fix the third luxury car he bought that year.
Brian Droste 9 hours ago
Never tell friends or family how much money you have. they will ask to "borrow" it. You will never get it back.
#32
That she always had time for other friends and I would see it on social media. Meanwhile, my plans with her were usually “let’s play it by ear” and most of the time got cancelled. When I told her it hurt my feelings, she turned it around on me making herself look like a saint.
#33
We’re both photographers. I found my photos on his professional website with his watermark on them. He was trying to sell them as his own. I was done with him, forever.
#35
It was me, I split a year ago during a BPD episode and blocked her. I've tried to reach out but [understandably] I was left on read.
#36
3 of my friends have constantly given me non-committal answers when I asked them to hangout, the last straw was when I asked if they were free on a Saturday, and then next week they all talked about how they hung out together on Sunday.
It's been 8 months since one of them has been to my house, it's too bad my wife thinks I should keep giving them chances.
Saltypepper 4 hours ago
You can only give someone so many chances before you realize that they aren't worth it and you deserve better and you're worth more don't waste your time on ppl who don't want you.dont let them live rent free in your head anymore either.
#37
I was always the Helper. The one who listened, the one who got called when they needed something built or furniture moved, the one who gave time, money, and sympathy any time it was needed.
The one and only time I was having a serious struggle and asked for help, I was told, quote, "I don't have time for your problems."
When I cut them out of my life, they told everyone I know that I was a horrible person.
I lost a LOT of people that I thought I could count on.
I'm better off now than I have been in years.
#38
She let her married boyfriend, who had just told her he was going back to his wife, publicly bully me after I called him out for his behavior. This was after she had the nerve to ask me if I was "on their team". Excuse me ma'am, he's not even on your team and I have a whole husband and family myself. That's my team.
Sara Frazer 7 hours ago
Eew, I would've dumped that "friend" like the hot garbage she is the second I found out she was involved with a married man
#39
The realization that they only seemed to want us around to be an audience for their histrionics.
#40
Lack of follow through due to alcoholism. Was patient for many years and finally couldn't take it anymore. She forgot my birthday and hers is two days before mine. I went all out for her.
#41
When they put my children in harms way, and asked what they could do to mitigate that risk.
#42
I realized that I was anxious and stressed every time she came over because she ALWAYS had to be right…ALWAYS had to be the best…ALWAYS had to have better stories/worse problems. She was territorial, for lack of a better word, over me and rubbed all of my other friends the wrong way. I was spending my time keeping the peace instead of enjoying her company. That’s not friendship.
#43
It didn't matter what I did, she slept with my ex-husband behind my back, and then she told everybody, my deepest darkest secrets.
#44
Had a friend that I shared my lunches with when he didnt have, stayed at my house when times were tough, we were friends for over a decade. Over time I noticed he would keep my as a backburner, seldom if ever having me around his other friends. One day, I was at the mall, and i ran into him woth his girlfriend and her cousin. We briefly chatted and then he said he was going to hang with the girls (I hadnt asked to hang or come along) ....and that was it. I felt like he was embarrassed by me. Im not perfect, I can be weird, but I was always (at least I think) a loyal supportive friend.
I find at 43 I still have few friends, and those I do have dont seem to truly understand me. Guess I got a bit OT here. Thanks for reading anyone that did.
#45
He lied to me about something small, then kept doubling down when I already knew the truth. That moment made me realize the trust was gone and the friendship ended right there.
#46
Best friend told me I couldn't bring my new girlfriend to his wedding. I was his best man. This was after she'd already been invited and bought her non-refundable ticket.
#47
I had a best friend triad in high school. One came out, the other didn't react well, and I sided with the one who wasn't a bigot.
#48
Honestly we were both going through some stuff and couldn't be there for the other the way we needed. We both kind of dropped each other. I was a young, single mom with my hands full and she had her own issues to figure out. She was a bit of a drama magnet and when we were younger I could clean up behind her. When I suddenly had my own thing to deal with and couldn't be there for her, it fell apart.
I miss her. I sent her a note (to her work, snail mail because I have no other way to contact her) about 20 years later and I didn't hear anything. That's ok. But man, I miss the way we used to laugh together.
#50
They wanted to control who I slept with and control nearly every aspect of my life. After finding out I slept with my now husband they went off the deep end and said I made them very upset and said “I was going to say you could sleep with him when I sleep wirh my dude”.
Turns out they were so angry that they told ANOTHER mutual friend and that friend proceeded to threaten me.
Saltypepper 4 hours ago
What,????!!!! What kind of friend controls who you sleep with ,that's just weird.
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What do you think ?
Kevin Warren 10 hours ago
I was working 40 hours a week while earning my PhD. The person I thought was my friend was a spoiled, entitled BRAT. At a party, she had the nerve to ask me in front our fried group if “I showered every day” because I looked run down. Well, I HAVE TO WORK FULL TIME and go to school while your rich family takes care of you. And, for the record, I did/do shower every day. B#TCH.
Stardust she/her 2 hours ago
I used to face hours of traffic just to hang with my friends even if it came at a cost to me. They never bothered even once to meet at an in between spot and would twist it to make it seem like I was being selfish when I said I couldn’t do this anymore
T'Mar of Vulcan 2 hours ago
I had someone who lived a 2-hour plane ride from me, but we talked on the phone weekly and we'd discuss story ideas for our shared fandom. We'd then write the stories, either separately or together. It was a lot of fun. Then 2 things happened: I told her I liked slash (a type of fanfic that pairs up people of the same genital group) and the prevailing fan theory about a character on the show (that she liked girls - turns out it wasn't the case), and I got into a fandom she wasn't interested in. I'd tell her about my show and she'd just go, "Hmm." Whereas I had to constantly show enthusiasm for all her things. Then she started sending me articles about singers I'd never heard of who liked girls (I guess because I like Melissa Etheridge's music and slash, so I must like girls myself? I found that rude and presumptuous) and it was so confusing to me I just stopped interacting with her. At least I wasn't around for the drama when her husband cheated on her. Can you imagine the phone calls?
Kevin Warren 10 hours ago
I was working 40 hours a week while earning my PhD. The person I thought was my friend was a spoiled, entitled BRAT. At a party, she had the nerve to ask me in front our fried group if “I showered every day” because I looked run down. Well, I HAVE TO WORK FULL TIME and go to school while your rich family takes care of you. And, for the record, I did/do shower every day. B#TCH.
Stardust she/her 2 hours ago
I used to face hours of traffic just to hang with my friends even if it came at a cost to me. They never bothered even once to meet at an in between spot and would twist it to make it seem like I was being selfish when I said I couldn’t do this anymore
T'Mar of Vulcan 2 hours ago
I had someone who lived a 2-hour plane ride from me, but we talked on the phone weekly and we'd discuss story ideas for our shared fandom. We'd then write the stories, either separately or together. It was a lot of fun. Then 2 things happened: I told her I liked slash (a type of fanfic that pairs up people of the same genital group) and the prevailing fan theory about a character on the show (that she liked girls - turns out it wasn't the case), and I got into a fandom she wasn't interested in. I'd tell her about my show and she'd just go, "Hmm." Whereas I had to constantly show enthusiasm for all her things. Then she started sending me articles about singers I'd never heard of who liked girls (I guess because I like Melissa Etheridge's music and slash, so I must like girls myself? I found that rude and presumptuous) and it was so confusing to me I just stopped interacting with her. At least I wasn't around for the drama when her husband cheated on her. Can you imagine the phone calls?
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