We’ve Gathered Funny Posts From X, Here Are The 50 Best Ones

It was carrying a briefcase, obviously.

😂😂😂😂😂

Future dad joke :D

Well… son what do you do with karate?

The one I usually say "shut up" to is the stupid self-checkout machine in my supermarket, that has to greet you ( "Welcome to [store]! If you have your club card, scan it now!" ) EVERY time you get close enough to it to trigger its sensor. Including if you're walking past machine #1 to use machine #2. And, even more annoying, the instant you finish paying and take your receipt. ( "Welcome to [store]!" -- "You just said that, dumb@$$." )

Lotekguy

Lotekguy

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Perhaps not literally necessary, but emotionally essential.

Poirot is Belgian

Quel fromage!

You can only watch washing machine for so long, sometimes you go for the more subtle and intellectual sparkle water.

sprudel sprudel fizz fizz

It works, keeps their minds off stress and helps them forget their worries. Straight up panic will do that for you.

He certainly isn't worrying about exams...

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He’s prob American anyways/s

Also, do not forget to check the Magic Pie Bush!

Reminds me of the Magic Pie Bush

Maybe just halve the pill next time

One of my focus medications Has more caffeine in a single dose than a mug of black roast- I feel this post

I took a caffeine pill once. It made me feel jumpy.

My jaw dropped

And then it will become fields of corn, and then he'll need a plough, and soon it will become a full time job on Farm Simulator!

Come on this is not difficult. The person said they were never going to *buy* garlic again. They had found out how easy it is to grow, and would be doing that in the future. They made no claims about inventing agriculture.

HOW is that cat's name NOT "Purrsey'??!?

Smug cat.

A workman building a fence in our yard cut our buried telephone line. The next day he came to our door and said, "I've been calling you all morning but couldn't get through." We said "You mean on the telephone line you cut yesterday?" He said "Oh". Later that month (after the line was fixed), a company putting a sprinkler system cut it in a different place. The foreman said "Don't worry - we'll take care of everything. Our office is calling the phone company. We'll call to let you know when they're coming out." We said "You'll call us on that telephone line you just cut?" and he said "Oh".

One I reported I smell gas in our apartment; called the gas company helpline and they sent out the guy who also rang the doorbell.

Cop knocked on our door and said she was hoping our doorcam had caught something across the street. In my head I was wondering how she knew we hadn't connected it properly yet because it looked good. Clearly she had tried ringing the doorbell only to find we only answered when she knocked. Everything was fine.

Too bad trump will put fossil fuels in these national parks

"Less crowded" is still somewhat crowded...

There's a website/app called 'find my bus', and it shows you where the buses are in realtime. I love having it running in a tab on my computer, and leaving it overnight. In the morning, the buses and trains run at super speed. It's brilliant watching the train travel across the bay (no bridges involved). It makes me smile.

Woolwich ferry?