Films make less sense than we'd think, even the most serious films can be turned into pure comedy gold. So how would you explain a film badly?
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Noseless guy has unhealthy obsession with a teenage boy with glasses.
midgets travel to throw lost jewellery into a volcano
Tall purple man collects jewelry, fights a man with a frisbee, and later gets his jewelry stolen by a billionaire.
Young girl visits a strange land and kills the first person she meets and joins with 4 others to kill again and then she goes home,
First rule
We don't talk about that
Billionare beats up poor people on the streets. Clowns object heavily and protest against him.
Billionaire's Theme Park attractions attack and kill the guests.
Talking frog convinces child to murder cosplayer while said child currently partakes in incest with his sister. His sister then cheats on him with Indiana Jones who is now best friends with a bear.
The universe is created. Bad idea. Then someone writes a book about it.
Jason Bourne lands on Mars. Learns to grow potatoes. Listens to disco. Then costs the US goverment billions.
Girl who is not a princess is given special rock by her dying grandma. She takes special rock and a chicken (by accident) on a boat and meets another rock. There’s also a big crab, a lava deity, and “Mother Nature” goddess who sometimes is an island.
Woman abandons her standards to win back a horny teenager with greasy hair.
Space cowboy, bear, magician and farmboy team up to rescue a princess from a space castle
Shoplifting broke boy uses a magic lamp, flying carpet, & magical dates to scam his way into the heart of a lady who was WAYYYYYY out of his league
School’s out due to war with snake dude
(8 films)
Young socialite takes advantage of a maritime disaster to murder the lower class man she had a fling with.
Billionaire is kidnapped only to have the opportunity to invent a metal suit with guns.
Nazis try to steal the Ark of the Covenant so they can open it and have their faces melted off. Indiana Jones repeatedly thwarts them, but ultimately fails, leading to the Nazis stealing the Ark of the Covenant, opening it, and having their faces melted off.
Geez! When you say it like that, it sounds like a terrible movie.
Girl finds out true happiness is achieved by getting a haircut
is the boy in the attic or is the boy in the book?
US government worker hunts endangered sea mammal, requires bigger boat.
Sea mammal? Must be Orca, not Jaws ;) LOL (edited to remove Godzilla, since also not a mammal :P)
Small town doctor brings strangers together
Human Centipede, right? (Never seen it, but I heard a very similar phrase in a different post)
Holy crapballs! Jenna Ortega is in a Scream movie!
Andy Dufresne parks outside his wife's house, doesn't kill her, buys a rock hammer from Morgan Freeman, moves to Mexico to start a business on the beach.
Group spends 9 hours returning jewelry.
Some guy talks for a long time about this banker who likes rocks.
Magic box causes self inflicted flaying while man dons example of ancient acupunture of the scalp.
A farmboy-turned-pirate goes after some kidnappers, kills one, and teams up with the other two to ruin a wedding. He also gets bitten by a very large rat. Oh and then he almost dies, but good news, he's only *mostly* dead.
man cross-dresses to spend more time with his kids
some candle destroys a house
green day dies, then dome, then alaska, then bomb, then peace
Man has a nice long chat with a vampire, becomes prey to a different vampire.
Alien child lands on Earth, infiltrates small town family, grows up to become a vigilante by night and a fast-typing journalist by day. Brilliantly disguises himself with a pair of thick glasses. Disobeys his alien father and interferes with human history because he has the hots for a fellow journalist.
A chicken pecks at a boat while the girl whose boat it is saves the world from a lava monster whose actually an nice island
A guy down on his luck gets a new job thinking it’ll be boring and learns that he is a dum dum who has to give a statue gum gum. Also statues, dioramas, and a number of other things people like to stare at while contemplating silently in order to learn history have lives of their own, but only after hours and never in sunlight
Blue Pocahontas in space, on flying birds.
1 guy screws another guys girlfriend, then the 2 guys shout poetry at each other for the rest of the movie
Guy goes future but also past at the same time while an item from the past goes future but backward while guy forward so backward item go forward while bad guy tries to nuke world.
It’s summer, then uh oh whoops, it’s not summer, then it’s summer again, and the snowman lives his dream.
abused child can do telekenipsis and almost kills head master and gets adopted by teacher
Aliens believe a fictional television series is a historical documentary and kidnap the cast from a sci-fi convention to save their planet.
A huge corporate run by adults who are insanely obsessed with screaming kids.
Office walker decides to spend less time online, then his support team decides to trick him into joining a cult and destablizing the goverment.
Woman hates husband so much she goes back in time to never meet him, changes nothing, and upon returning to the present decides all is okay now and stays with him.
A magician goes to a big school and him and his friends fight a bad person
Nice old man with some kind of speech impediment runs a family business. Son takes over the family business after the death of his father. Finds creative way to beat his competition.
A Baker hates his brother for distracting him and causing him to cut off his hand, so he steals his fiancee. The moon illuminates everything.
A 30something couple navigate their relationship against the backdrop of a global pandemic.
Wife shoots husband and fails to kill him but deprives him of $70,000. Husband wants his $70,000 and single handedly eradicates the local syndicate (The Outfit) and makes off with $130,000 and his dream girl (as well as some broken toes).
Semiaquatic dinosaur mutated by America, takes anger out on the only country who might understand his pain.
Senior citizens with magic think giving pieces of the apocalypse disc to celebs will work.
Yeah… so this round yellow ball can’t be grumpy all the time so this other yellow ball lady who can’t stop smiling says he has to die because if he stays alive other yellow balls, pizzas, aliens, cats, and a bunch of hands in different shapes will be annihilated.
So he runs away. And bumps into a talking hand. Long story short, the hand says there’s a dude out there who can make him grumpy. Yellow ball dude says he can come and ask to get into the VIP section at their work, and the talking hand agrees.
They find the dude they were looking for in a dangerous bar, except the dude isn’t a dude, it’s a girl. Skin colored sphere girl, yeah.
So she says they need to go to a cloud to make yellow ball dude grumpy. They almost die on the way, meet the smiling ball’s henchmen, yada yada. The yellow ball likes the skin colored sphere now, but she’s scared of making a commitment and hurts his feelings. Now he’s broken and grumpy, even though that’s not how he was supposed to be fixed. He walks back home without the hand and skin colored sphere. The hand talks to the remaining sphere, and the two fly on a giant blue twitter bird to get there quickly.
A Giant tuxedo robot is going to destroy yellow ball even though he’s perfect now, and turns out his dad has a similar trait as his son, so now the dad and son are going to die.
Long story short: talking hand presses button to stop robot, yellow ball gets feelings healed and saves everyone.
The story of how a thief dies and is brought back to life because of a brunette, a frog, and the pollen of a sparkly flower.
Rich man gets stranded on island with his best friend, manages to escape.
A black guy and an Asian guy are best friends and kick @#$. One of the funniest/best movies ever. There’s 3 of them.
You don't mess with a fagola who wants to make people silky smooth.
Girl inadvertently destroys and puts together a magical home.
A rough redhead only speaks gibberish and has bears as pets.
Big lizard girls go nom. Thanks a lot, scientists!🙄
Girl can´t decide if she is a necrophile or a zoophile.
Orphan (with the help of older mentor) goes out at night to beat up bad people - and it's not Batman...
Dude with cool hockey mask kills high teens in Manhattan. Also kills adults.
School’s out due to war with snake dude (8 films)
Rich kid sees his parents killed. Inspires him to be a vigilante. He is such a joyless character that there is no way that it could be succesful enough to retell the story over and over. Wait. They did? Shows what I know.
Definitely The Dark Knight Returns Again 33: Once More With(out) Feeling.
This one is gonna be a tough one, but kudos if you can get it.
Man goes through Groundhog Day, death after death, to try and stop a train bombing, and help the authorities arrest the perpetrator.
Kid in 2045 races and beats evil entrepreneur in a competition, with a best friend and 3 normal friends. The first one is to race in a goofy ahh track, the second is to find stuff in old haunted house and third is to play Nintendo or atari or smh. Evil guy gets arrested. At the third race before playing, kid gets blown up, revived by coin and plays while being in a car manhunt. Hint: film made in 2019
I hope y’all know this, it’s a great movie
A whole bunch of murder orphans sit in a cornfield for a long time
A man with mommy issues is brought back to life, and plans to rule the world with sick children, only to have his plans foiled by a blonde emo.
Students play IRL Fortnite, minus the respawning, on an island where everyone is trying to kill each other.
A tale of swords and sorcery, child abandonment, and lots of odd looking creatures. Kind or, since the swords aren't sword swords and the sorcery is mystical but winds up being organic in nature. And it's a sci-fi flick, not really fantasy. And it was originally an opera.
Tom and Meg float a boat and jump into a volcano.
Space Crew tries to get rid of big bug. Survivor just blows up whole ship. The cat also survives.
Man is betrayed by a lot of people who get him locked up in a French political prison for 15 years, where he meets a monk trying to escape. Monk teaches him lots of stuff and tells him where a vast treasure is hidden, just before the monk dies. Man escapes prison and uses treasure to get revenge on those who betrayed him.
Girls goes for fancy dinner., Everyone dies except girl. She gets Hamburger as souvenir.
A man doesn't kill his wife
There is this @$$hole that finds out he has cancer. He get treatment from a shady company. Becomes a mutant. Then he wants revenge on this shady company, and he exact this in the most unpredictble but funny way. A poor indian taxi driver gets tangled up in his mess.
BDSM enthusiasts go to war with eachother on the desert over a fuel refinery.
There’s a boat, a door, and a bloke with a violin. It ends badly…
A cop dies and is brought back to life - against his will - as a machine so he can continue working.
A bunch of teenagers from different cliques have detention.
Crazy confectioner gets away with vigilante parenting lessons while his slave labor force of orange-skinned midgets dances and chants morals about the unfortunate victims (based on book of almost the same name)
Man plays LONG-overdue game of catch with dad in Iowa cornfield
scientist let's colleague experiment on him. becomes expectant mother
Rock star with depression issues overdoses on drugs, reflects upon his childhood, and ultimately receives professional counseling in a formal setting
Tall, dark, and handsome man with great spiritual knowledge attempts to reunite with his son at a high altitude locale, years after spending time in a burn unit and despite great breathing difficulties and his son’s rejection of his own paternal roots
They live. They form complex communities. They are...right. under. our. children's. feet.
Not the main plot of the film, but I'll still use this description for the lol's.
An action movie star knocks an inconsiderate foreigner off a cliff for breaking his overpriced eyewear.
After two teleporter accidents, victim asks girlfriend for assistance commiting suicide.
Stay yellow, Horsedude
Sports are boring. Two life long friends create new sports game. Takes over the country. They get a kid drunk. Guy gets the girl.
Ok, this is a hard one:
Ex-cons reunite r&b band for a church, eventually get targeted by: crazy woman, neo-n@zis, country band and, thanks to speeding, the police. Answer is in the comments.
-Two siblings commit incest before dark guy with strange german name cuts off man's hand.
-Mentally troubled father searches for disabled son with madwoman.
-Young man forms unhealthy obsession for killing man with no nose.
-Big boat. Big fish. Big boat sink. Bye-bye, fishy.
-Talking koala breaks too many laws: faces consequences of ticking off billionares.
A career woman leaves the big city to return to her hometown. There she meets a tall dark-haired man whom she hates at first. But they work together for:
- the apple festival
- the flower festival
- the pumpkin festival
- the frog festival (*rebitt*)
And they fall in love. In the end, she quits her career and they get married.
People spen nine hours retuning jewellery only to say f*** it and throw it away
Kid gets bit by a spider while spray painting with his uncle,
A fish minding his own business pisses off a town, but goes orca on a boat that is following him.
Drunk millionaire meets and woos waitress.
Captain Howdy, bad. Damien, good. Regan, a mess.
A old woman curses a guy and he becomes ugly. Some random poor girl comes and they fall in love in a castle. But then some strong dude shows up and tries killing ugly guy. He failed cause its a movie and good always wins. (smh)
Beauty and the Beast (Disney animation or Disney live action or whatever other version exists)
One time…at band camp…
Lil boy go bang bang and is now big boy then bang bang is now lil boy again now bang bang and big boy again…
Fish gives a concert to a random guy after he almost dies, later leaves her family to chase after him
Big sisters steals little sister’s only chance of being on national tv
A guy is really stubborn, writes a lot and gets himself killed. It all happens 200 years ago. It's a play
Media magnate would die for one last sled ride
A gay man and his lesbian friend everyone thinks is the side characters take on the queer in denial queen bee with foot cream.
( joke with one headcanon but oh well lol)
A man with particularly nice hair babysits a group of nerdy children who are obsessed with monsters
There is Nicolas Cage and he says nothing.
A series where two cops decide the safest way to shoot people.
On a quest for revenge Antonio Banderas meets a hot librarian played by Salma Hayek. They f*ck. :)
Ungrateful dude dies and comes back to life away because of a pebble
Grumpy middle aged man with guns teaches young orphan girl how to use them
A seer,three vampires and a wizard walk into a high school.
Little girl uses psychic powers to chase off superstitious bully of a school principal.
unhappy Australian man ties balloons to chair, floats into new life/romance
*Illegally enters airspace of another country? Puts child in danger? Won't say what happened to other old man? Nearly steals unknown animal?
It’s kinda like Noah’s Ark and Jungle Book combined into a philosophical murder mystery but the ark sinks and there’s only like 4 animals and a kid on the lifeboat and not all of them make it to land and the jungle eats people.
A group of men in the arctic adopt a dog and then get cabin fever
Creepy clown with balloon eats children and yellow jacket kid
Ancient entity with a love for children finds solitude in an underground hideaway, and ventures out every 27 years to meet new children - while wearing friendly clown accoutrements and makeup
Two hours of philosophical, hypothetical, existential conversation between several professors of the local college/university... all set in a cabin living room. SPOILER: The youngest in the room is the oldest's father.
guy who glows in sunlight fights with hairy man over a girl. Twilight.
A teenage boy wants to be a superhero and meets some likeminded people. He is not very good at it.
Hot AF, sandy planet is the epicenter for a brutal drug turf war
1. man gets sucked into a black hole, discovers back side of bookshelf
2. reporter makes a deal with god, has instant regret
3. (this one’s a TV show lol) angel and demon who are gay for each other prevent a child from starting the apocalypse
(If you get all three I give you a cookie)
I love Good Omens! I ship Aziraphaele and Crowley! Crowley is played by the same person who plays The Tenth Doctor in Doctor Who, David Tennant, who is my favourite actor in Doctor Who.
This was made in 2018.
John Travolta stars in it
and its worth watching it.
Angry adult man chases down and tries to abduct super powered teenager
Wine connoisseur helps former sheep rancher find a dressmaker.
A nanny takes two kids to the bank.
Jason Statham poking harpoons into poor sharkie
Dinosaurs and people...what could possibly go wrong?!
Two men from different backgrounds compete for the love of a younger man.
Magic bird hunter almost destroys the world and almost two nations' worth of agitated creatures gather up
An aspiring inventor and a cameraman break into a scientist’s lab and accidentally create a monster who’s super friendly and can wear any disguise and not be recognized as non-human.
Eventually the monster’s identity is revealed and the mayor of the city kills it only to be arrested for murder because he’s a lunatic with less humanity than an insect.
A woman in a relationship realizes she has formicophilia. The entire movie is a mega meme.
Dog a hero. Dog died and comes back alive
Theif and a "tiny person dress up for the holidays. Theif house squats and makes a friend. Ends up teaching police sensitivity training.
Korean War, but it’s Vietnam. Doctors, and a weird shower scene…
After losing his father, a young boy becomes a hippie vegan. Then he kills his uncle and dates his half sister.
A high school teacher falls in love with a student of his, acts betrayed when it turns out she's older, but they make out in the end anyways because that's life
A high school teacher falls in love with a student of his, acts betrayed when it turns out she's older, but they make out in the end anyways because that's life
1) Two enhanced old men fight an armoured guy with a heart condition after one kills his parents
2) (this is a tv series) A swearing guy who looks like a robot, a really stretchy woman, a girl whose mind constantly changes, a guy who looks like a mummy and a teenager who should be dead fight awkward monsters while swearing all the time, and doing weird things while trying to find one guy.
3) a demi-god and a billionaire recruit a fish man, a guy struck by lightning and a guy who came back to life as a machine to resurrect a dead alien and save the world. Somehow only 1 major good guy dies.
4) A bald man recruits a man with anger issues, a billionaire, a 70-year-old who looks 35, 2 spies and an alien to stop the alien's evil not-really-brother.
Small nerd turns Will Smith into a bird and has to fix it and fight the bad guy with glitter
Daughter of a rich man becomes a pirate and kisses the orphan she saved from a shipwreck. There’s also a rhum enthusiast.
Old man lures children in a factory with candy and kills them one by one until there is only one left. Then makes the survivor the next owner of his factory.
Mom gets mad at Summer camp kids that pick on her son.
Guy pleads insanity to avoid hard labor .ends up in mental institution. Gets an unnecessary lobotomy and gets smothered with a pillow by his best buddy. The end.
Guy gets paid to kidnap people while dealing with abandoning his son.
Billionaire dresses in fursuit, beats up mentally ill people and environmental activists
David Bowie kidnaps a young boy, forces a teenage girl to rescue him and then falls in love with said teenage girl
Boy and his mom work very hard every day and do all chores around the house while 4 older people, who could get up at any time, lay in bed. And there's chocolate.
we don't talk about Bruno.
INSTEAD
WE'RE GONNA SING ABOUT BRUNO!
we don't talk about Bruno.
INSTEAD
WE'RE GONNA SING ABOUT BRUNO!
Comet, red dust, 2 sisters loot empty mall, fight soon to be zombies, find a Chicano in a hot car then rescue 2 kids from a secret lab, rich white boy arrives in a convertible, humanity is saved
Couple hate each other so much they lock themselves in the house until they both die.
Babysitter takes kids into city. Madness ensues.
Company sees company make a big mistake with their park, decides to do the exact same thing, and guess what the exact same thing happens.
A rural village in Japan hires seven seasonal workers, grossly underpays them.
Cat faces mortality and him and a bunch of people fight over a magic piece of paper
Cars fly, robots die and a now-defunct airline apparently still exists in 2019. Also origami.
Overlooked black sheep creates series of psychopathically clever traps to torment two dim-witted small-time crooks first in Chicago suburb, then in New York, after an alarming first experience with aftershave
Juvenile apatosaurus witnesses the tragic murder of his mother by aptly classified "sharptooth" species, then copes with PTSD by singing goofy songs with his dino-friends for THIRTEEN MORE MOVIES
Hideously disfigured man with terrible fashion sense (and worse sense of humor) makes nocturnal visitations to crack down on teenage promiscuity
Woman becomes a lawyer because her dumbass ex said she wasn't good enough.
Okay, here goes!
A cardiologist is looking for a man with a prosthetic arm.
Bad guy collects stones for his hand jewelry and then obliterates 50% of population.
leather clad bully from the future, relentlessly stalks woman.
Bad people pretend to blue people, kills tree.
girl falls in love with someone who doesn't remember what she looks like
Teenage girl has typical yearning for something out of her reach. Witch grants her wish in return for her voice.
Janitor beats up satanic animatronics while playing pinball and getting drunk on soda.
My only complaint with this movie is that Nicolas cage doesn’t talk, I love his sweet, sweet voice
Nic cage creates the God Slap meme in this movie. Also parents try to kill kids and stuff.
Dude calls girl on phone and tries to kill her and fails miserably.
Oh my god, this blew up while I was away haha
Man is betrayed by a lot of people who get him locked up in a French political prison for 15 years, where he meets a monk trying to escape. Monk teaches him lots of stuff and tells him where a vast treasure is hidden, just before the monk dies. Man escapes prison and uses treasure to get revenge on those who betrayed him.
Oh my god, this blew up while I was away haha
Man is betrayed by a lot of people who get him locked up in a French political prison for 15 years, where he meets a monk trying to escape. Monk teaches him lots of stuff and tells him where a vast treasure is hidden, just before the monk dies. Man escapes prison and uses treasure to get revenge on those who betrayed him.
