Parents Demand 18-Year-Old Son Start Acting Like An Adult, He Goes No-Contact And Offers To Sell Parents His Forgiveness 16 Years Later
What do our parents owe us, and what do children owe their parents? These questions are at the core of one user’s story on the AITA subreddit.
Not every family can provide for its children in the same way, and most of us understand that. What most people have come to expect, however, is that they and their siblings are treated as equals when it comes to receiving financial, emotional, and other types of support from their parents.
In the following story, however, that’s not what happened. Read on to see why the author of the Reddit post felt that he’d been treated unfairly and how he responded. Then, we’ll see whether Reddit thinks he went too far.
This man doesn’t think he owes his parents his time because they cut him off but spoiled his siblings
Image credits: Christian Dubovan (not the actual image)
He told his story to hear whether he was right to ask his parents to pay for his forgiveness
Image credits: micheile henderson (not the actual image)
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual image)
Image credits: Professional_Rub4448
Some questioned his actions, but many thought he was in the right for standing up to his parents
The bonds between children and parents are deep and complex, and they change as they both grow older. In most cultures around the world, people understand that children and parents can owe one another a great deal, but the nature of that relationship is for each and every one of us to decide.
So when this man was cut off to fend for himself at 18 while his younger siblings enjoyed total financial support, most commenters agreed that he had the right to feel resentment. He had, for better or worse, been forced to struggle while his siblings enjoyed relative luxury.
Parental favoritism like this can lead to psychological issues for offspring who feel like they’ve been unfairly treated. A study performed by researchers in Hong Kong and California indicated the following: “Adolescents who believe that their parents treat them differently from their siblings have poorer psychosocial well-being than otherwise. This phenomenon, which is known as parental differential treatment or PDT, occurs in up to 65% of families.”
For most, the question of whether the post author was wrong came down to whether or not his response was appropriate
Comments defending the author’s parents generally also acknowledged that he had been treated unfairly. However, those commenters also emphasized the importance of the cause for the author’s unfair treatment. According to him, his parents claimed that their unequal treatment had been because his parents realized their mistake and tried to compensate for it with his siblings. This did little to solve his resentment, however.
What’s important is that wherever your opinion falls, this was a difficult situation for everyone involved. The author’s parents wanted to correct their mistakes and reconnect with their child, while the post’s author wanted some sort of acknowledgement of the difficulties his parents had put him through. We’d love to hear your take in the comments – do you think the author was right or wrong to act the way he did?
Some commenters weren’t sure that “selling his forgiveness” was the right thing to call it
Most agreed that the OP was not in the wrong here
Others could see the parents’ side, thinking they had acted unfairly because they sought to correct their mistakes
What people ignore here is that OP was civil at first and invited them to the wedding. But his entitled parents demanded that he treated them to more. They wanted to be part of the wedding and being allowed to be involved after they've chosen to not be involved all those years in between. That's why OP is NTA. Hi parents demanded rent. They demanded he gets through school all on his own. Yes they gave him some money but they refused to give him emotional support. Then they turned around and gave his YOUNGER siblings money, let them live there rent free AND supported them. They didn't bother too keep contact in between, they didn't bother to give emotional support. But now, without any mention of them ever trying to mend bridges, they demand that OP behaves as if all of that never happened and let them play supportive parents. They're delusional. They should have just accepted the invitation and come to the wedding. OP had thrown them and olive branch, but they demanded the whole tree
The one YTA reply: "Sounds like you started treating them like landlords..." Um actually, the Parents are the ones who wanted to be treated like landlords. OP was maliciously complying.
Also the parents didn't seem to offer any help with the wedding costs either, here was their opportunity to make amends and all they did was make demands. As for one of the comments above saying oh the parents level it out when they pass, oh no they don't they usually make it worse favoring one child over the other.
OP threw them an olive branch but they wanted the whole tree; perfectly stated.
There's also the vibe that they want him to pay for his own wedding, but give them a say like they are contributing in any way
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You, like so many others reading posts such as this, make up your own vibes to flesh out an incomplete story to your liking.
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I mean he’s a 30+ year old guy. Tf he keep needing other people to do s**t for him? Hasn’t he figured it out yet? This dude is entitled from hell. No one owes you a damn thing just because they do it for someone else. Maybe, he was a little disrespectful s**t head, because that’s the vibe I get
Yeah!! The YTAs were shocking. It's not the non western or non US upbrinding. It's the fact OP was the one to always try after the being basically kicked out, his parents never were. I'm glad he got some financial help but the emotional matters a great deal at that age. Plus, he was being civil. His parents demanded more and also demanded he get over something they never actually apologised or showed remorse too. Just admitted they did wrong but "its not a big deal, get over it." Which is not an apology nor how someone who made a mistake and wishes to genuinely make amends behaves.
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The story above started where OP wanted to start it and contains only the information OP wanted people to know. What about the whole story?
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"But his entitled parents demanded that he treated them to more." They ask why they were not involved. Nobody talk about demands. A lot of people tend to exagerrate and put word in others mouth. I think they should talk more, because they obviously never did in the 16 years prior. They could both understand how the other really feel, instead of creating their own story in their mind about how others think about this situation.
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When did the parents “demand “ anything? They asked why they weren’t involved and OP goes off on a self entitled, immature rant. Remember, even his fiancée thought he was wrong. Smh
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Obviously no here has heard of “tough love”. This kid’s siblings are going to be in for quite a shock when they get into the “real world”. You know… when their parents are dead and can’t help them. They are not going to know what to do with themselves.
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OP was not civil. Id be willing to bet, this is constant behavior from OP. (Crying because his older sibling got something he didn’t) This man child is also a grown a*s 30+ year old, resentful, adult. Perfectly capable of financing his own endeavors, yet still bitching someone didn’t give him a hand out over 16 years ago …🙄 We obviously don’t know all the details, but maybe they’re a middle class family where the first two kids get necessities bought and handed down to the third. No it’s not exactly fair, but gratitude for what you do have goes a long way. Maybe the other kids needed more help than he did. Maybe the parents saw that. Maybe the parents did good raising a self sufficient person. He’s textbook acting like an immature child throwing a tantrum because he didn’t get a toy his siblings did. Then going on to write a blog about how unfair it was you he get that toy. 🤡
OP WAS the oldest child, who got nothing from his parents and had to struggle when the parents paid for the younger siblings to go to University and allowed them to live at home rent free when he was charged rent at 18. The parents made this situation and now have to live with the consequences of their choices.
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He got nothing…. Yes college savings is nothing. 🙄. Younger kids probably had more savings as…you know… parents maybe started saving earlier, were making more money and interest rates were better. This man got all he needed and never asked for help yet he’s whining in his mid 30s as he’s about to be married. God bless his wife and future children.
Oh look, a golden child.
I'm starting to realize the ones complaining, are either his family members, and the other half are just bitter-azz crybabies.
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You miss read some of that article he’s the youngest of the 3 so it’s possible the parents realized their mistake with the other two and were trying to rectify it with him. They still paid for his schooling which he seems ungrateful for. Presenting them with a bill the way he did was petty as f**k and he shouldn’t have even invited them because he’s still obviously holding a grudge
Reread the article, he's the oldest.
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What people ignore is OP’s entitlement. You probably also suffer from entitlement ignorance. Take deep breaths, it’s not your fault. Blame whatever you need to, as long as you eventually get to a place of self actualization it’s all good.
The OP invited them to the wedding, what more do they want?
yes yes
Apparently saying power (whether small or big) and being involved in the wedding. Despite not making more of an effort to be closer with him. Nor paying a small portion of things. And for those who think I'm making things up like the other commentor, read what was said; they wanted to be involved with the wedding. Think about what that typically means for parents of the bride and groom. What roles they play; In the wedding party, going to cake tasting, dress shopping, some other cultural stuff, etc. so maybe it wouldn't have been telling OP and his gf that they should have this flower instead of that but it likely could have been something like that. Or trying to be in the wedding party at all. Lots of options and they still hadn't done the bare minimum to be involved (keeping up a closer bond or maybe money for the wedding but the former is very important.)
This resonates with me. I wasn’t the best academically while both my siblings found school pretty easy so when I got less than impressive exam results I was told that I should get a job. The only job I could get was low-paid catering work and I gave half my weekly wage to my mother. I went to night class and re-sat my exams getting good enough grades to go to Uni. I moved out, studied and worked throughout my time there - almost trying to compensate for my earlier failure in their eyes. My academically gifted siblings both got good degrees but still lived at home, rent free being financially supported by my parents. This still goes on today and, while I’ve been fully independent for decades, I do occasionally feel a twinge of resentment that the same expectations were not asked of them. Phone calls aside I haven’t seen any of them for years. Perhaps that’s for the best.
To be honest, you have to do what's best for you. If they were not supportive when you needed them, there's no reason to try to keep a relationship with people who don't care about you. Anybody can have children, but not everybody can be a good parent.
Sounds like they did you a backhanded favor.
Be glad you're out of the house. There's freedom to grow out there. Don't envy the coddled. Sometimes, to a parent, one child can be more difficult to understand than the others. An unwise parent would react badly to this and give that child a different treatment. Curious... Are your siblings a different gender? (Doesn't make it OK, BTW, feel free not to answer if you're not comfy haha)
Resentment is understandable. But look what you've accomplished in your life. Being the best academically doesn't ensure success. You've proven that you were capable of working hard, despite the odds. You weren't a failure. Your siblings had been given every opportunity, and still relied on your parents for support. You did this on your own. If I was your parent, I'd be so darn proud of you. My only advice: although you still feel some resentment, don't let it get in the way of your life. Consider re-connecting with your family. You won't want regrets in the future, after they've gone. It's too late then. (I know from experience ) Just my opinion, hun.
Gosh.. why did you get downvoted? Well said!
It is but I think its the reonnecting part that is being downvoted. I know sometimes it might be good to so but sometimes cutting off contact is what's best
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Yet you can not see the failure of your parents was not you but your siblings. They gave to the tools to succeed and didn’t teach that to your siblings and they are still struggling with life. SMH. This generation will never understand
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The thing that really stands out to me, and the OP, is the resentment expressed after making the comment "I'm independent" or "I have a decent job." I'm going to make a controversial opinion here: your parents tried their best to do best by each of you. You don't treat kids equally, you give them the attention and guidelines they need. Your siblings were not "academically gifted." As someone who half-assed his way through high school, I can tell you: They were more motivated to do well in school. You were not. This was proven when you later pursued secondary education and succeeded. Your parents saw you as not prepared for college. So they did what they could to prepare you for the real world. Same for the OP. And guess what? IT WORKED. In fact, you might actually be better off than your academically-bound siblings.
Know what, those with lower grades aren't always guilty of lack of trying. I tutor a lot of students with this problem. And you assume this was a well-planned action of the parents. If that's true, they would make sure the child understand and run with plan willingly. Not the case here. The eventual gain of independent isn't a case of principle working. It's a nice unintended consequence.
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Bingo!! At least someone understands!!
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Whoever down voted this comment needs to grow the f**k up lmao. Well said.
Lol 'opinions that aren't exactly mine are childish'. Look in the mirror, bruv.
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You sound pretty useless, to be honest I would have also treated you like that. Free room and board for 18 years and you incompetent people have the audacity to complain about the parents? Shame on you, may your life continue to suck!
What people ignore here is that OP was civil at first and invited them to the wedding. But his entitled parents demanded that he treated them to more. They wanted to be part of the wedding and being allowed to be involved after they've chosen to not be involved all those years in between. That's why OP is NTA. Hi parents demanded rent. They demanded he gets through school all on his own. Yes they gave him some money but they refused to give him emotional support. Then they turned around and gave his YOUNGER siblings money, let them live there rent free AND supported them. They didn't bother too keep contact in between, they didn't bother to give emotional support. But now, without any mention of them ever trying to mend bridges, they demand that OP behaves as if all of that never happened and let them play supportive parents. They're delusional. They should have just accepted the invitation and come to the wedding. OP had thrown them and olive branch, but they demanded the whole tree
The one YTA reply: "Sounds like you started treating them like landlords..." Um actually, the Parents are the ones who wanted to be treated like landlords. OP was maliciously complying.
Also the parents didn't seem to offer any help with the wedding costs either, here was their opportunity to make amends and all they did was make demands. As for one of the comments above saying oh the parents level it out when they pass, oh no they don't they usually make it worse favoring one child over the other.
OP threw them an olive branch but they wanted the whole tree; perfectly stated.
There's also the vibe that they want him to pay for his own wedding, but give them a say like they are contributing in any way
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
You, like so many others reading posts such as this, make up your own vibes to flesh out an incomplete story to your liking.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
I mean he’s a 30+ year old guy. Tf he keep needing other people to do s**t for him? Hasn’t he figured it out yet? This dude is entitled from hell. No one owes you a damn thing just because they do it for someone else. Maybe, he was a little disrespectful s**t head, because that’s the vibe I get
Yeah!! The YTAs were shocking. It's not the non western or non US upbrinding. It's the fact OP was the one to always try after the being basically kicked out, his parents never were. I'm glad he got some financial help but the emotional matters a great deal at that age. Plus, he was being civil. His parents demanded more and also demanded he get over something they never actually apologised or showed remorse too. Just admitted they did wrong but "its not a big deal, get over it." Which is not an apology nor how someone who made a mistake and wishes to genuinely make amends behaves.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
The story above started where OP wanted to start it and contains only the information OP wanted people to know. What about the whole story?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
"But his entitled parents demanded that he treated them to more." They ask why they were not involved. Nobody talk about demands. A lot of people tend to exagerrate and put word in others mouth. I think they should talk more, because they obviously never did in the 16 years prior. They could both understand how the other really feel, instead of creating their own story in their mind about how others think about this situation.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
When did the parents “demand “ anything? They asked why they weren’t involved and OP goes off on a self entitled, immature rant. Remember, even his fiancée thought he was wrong. Smh
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Obviously no here has heard of “tough love”. This kid’s siblings are going to be in for quite a shock when they get into the “real world”. You know… when their parents are dead and can’t help them. They are not going to know what to do with themselves.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
OP was not civil. Id be willing to bet, this is constant behavior from OP. (Crying because his older sibling got something he didn’t) This man child is also a grown a*s 30+ year old, resentful, adult. Perfectly capable of financing his own endeavors, yet still bitching someone didn’t give him a hand out over 16 years ago …🙄 We obviously don’t know all the details, but maybe they’re a middle class family where the first two kids get necessities bought and handed down to the third. No it’s not exactly fair, but gratitude for what you do have goes a long way. Maybe the other kids needed more help than he did. Maybe the parents saw that. Maybe the parents did good raising a self sufficient person. He’s textbook acting like an immature child throwing a tantrum because he didn’t get a toy his siblings did. Then going on to write a blog about how unfair it was you he get that toy. 🤡
OP WAS the oldest child, who got nothing from his parents and had to struggle when the parents paid for the younger siblings to go to University and allowed them to live at home rent free when he was charged rent at 18. The parents made this situation and now have to live with the consequences of their choices.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
He got nothing…. Yes college savings is nothing. 🙄. Younger kids probably had more savings as…you know… parents maybe started saving earlier, were making more money and interest rates were better. This man got all he needed and never asked for help yet he’s whining in his mid 30s as he’s about to be married. God bless his wife and future children.
Oh look, a golden child.
I'm starting to realize the ones complaining, are either his family members, and the other half are just bitter-azz crybabies.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
You miss read some of that article he’s the youngest of the 3 so it’s possible the parents realized their mistake with the other two and were trying to rectify it with him. They still paid for his schooling which he seems ungrateful for. Presenting them with a bill the way he did was petty as f**k and he shouldn’t have even invited them because he’s still obviously holding a grudge
Reread the article, he's the oldest.
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What people ignore is OP’s entitlement. You probably also suffer from entitlement ignorance. Take deep breaths, it’s not your fault. Blame whatever you need to, as long as you eventually get to a place of self actualization it’s all good.
The OP invited them to the wedding, what more do they want?
yes yes
Apparently saying power (whether small or big) and being involved in the wedding. Despite not making more of an effort to be closer with him. Nor paying a small portion of things. And for those who think I'm making things up like the other commentor, read what was said; they wanted to be involved with the wedding. Think about what that typically means for parents of the bride and groom. What roles they play; In the wedding party, going to cake tasting, dress shopping, some other cultural stuff, etc. so maybe it wouldn't have been telling OP and his gf that they should have this flower instead of that but it likely could have been something like that. Or trying to be in the wedding party at all. Lots of options and they still hadn't done the bare minimum to be involved (keeping up a closer bond or maybe money for the wedding but the former is very important.)
This resonates with me. I wasn’t the best academically while both my siblings found school pretty easy so when I got less than impressive exam results I was told that I should get a job. The only job I could get was low-paid catering work and I gave half my weekly wage to my mother. I went to night class and re-sat my exams getting good enough grades to go to Uni. I moved out, studied and worked throughout my time there - almost trying to compensate for my earlier failure in their eyes. My academically gifted siblings both got good degrees but still lived at home, rent free being financially supported by my parents. This still goes on today and, while I’ve been fully independent for decades, I do occasionally feel a twinge of resentment that the same expectations were not asked of them. Phone calls aside I haven’t seen any of them for years. Perhaps that’s for the best.
To be honest, you have to do what's best for you. If they were not supportive when you needed them, there's no reason to try to keep a relationship with people who don't care about you. Anybody can have children, but not everybody can be a good parent.
Sounds like they did you a backhanded favor.
Be glad you're out of the house. There's freedom to grow out there. Don't envy the coddled. Sometimes, to a parent, one child can be more difficult to understand than the others. An unwise parent would react badly to this and give that child a different treatment. Curious... Are your siblings a different gender? (Doesn't make it OK, BTW, feel free not to answer if you're not comfy haha)
Resentment is understandable. But look what you've accomplished in your life. Being the best academically doesn't ensure success. You've proven that you were capable of working hard, despite the odds. You weren't a failure. Your siblings had been given every opportunity, and still relied on your parents for support. You did this on your own. If I was your parent, I'd be so darn proud of you. My only advice: although you still feel some resentment, don't let it get in the way of your life. Consider re-connecting with your family. You won't want regrets in the future, after they've gone. It's too late then. (I know from experience ) Just my opinion, hun.
Gosh.. why did you get downvoted? Well said!
It is but I think its the reonnecting part that is being downvoted. I know sometimes it might be good to so but sometimes cutting off contact is what's best
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Yet you can not see the failure of your parents was not you but your siblings. They gave to the tools to succeed and didn’t teach that to your siblings and they are still struggling with life. SMH. This generation will never understand
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
The thing that really stands out to me, and the OP, is the resentment expressed after making the comment "I'm independent" or "I have a decent job." I'm going to make a controversial opinion here: your parents tried their best to do best by each of you. You don't treat kids equally, you give them the attention and guidelines they need. Your siblings were not "academically gifted." As someone who half-assed his way through high school, I can tell you: They were more motivated to do well in school. You were not. This was proven when you later pursued secondary education and succeeded. Your parents saw you as not prepared for college. So they did what they could to prepare you for the real world. Same for the OP. And guess what? IT WORKED. In fact, you might actually be better off than your academically-bound siblings.
Know what, those with lower grades aren't always guilty of lack of trying. I tutor a lot of students with this problem. And you assume this was a well-planned action of the parents. If that's true, they would make sure the child understand and run with plan willingly. Not the case here. The eventual gain of independent isn't a case of principle working. It's a nice unintended consequence.
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Bingo!! At least someone understands!!
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Whoever down voted this comment needs to grow the f**k up lmao. Well said.
Lol 'opinions that aren't exactly mine are childish'. Look in the mirror, bruv.
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You sound pretty useless, to be honest I would have also treated you like that. Free room and board for 18 years and you incompetent people have the audacity to complain about the parents? Shame on you, may your life continue to suck!