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Scotland is a magical place to visit, but life there is far more than just about haunted castles, haggis, windswept moors, dinosaur-laden lochs, Hogwarts, and endlessly changing weather. To truly understand the country’s way of life, you need to get to grips with its humor.
Luckily, the popular ‘Scottish Patter’ social media project is here to help everyone with that task. It shares some of the wittiest and hilarious memes, jokes, and insights related to the Scottish perspective. We’ve collected some of the finest ones to share with you. Scroll down for a good dose of comedy, and if you have a good laugh, be sure to spread it some more.
More info: Facebook | Instagram
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Marno C. 1 year ago
Ok. A connection. Hear me out. There is a brilliant little Canadian indie film called Roadkill. In it, there is this character who is revealed to be a serial killer. While giving the main character a ride, he laments how hard it is to be a psychopath in Canada, that most have to move down to the United States for the better career opportunities. It's a lovely bit of satire.
Sleepy Panda 1 year ago
I work in a supermarket in Australia and we have a lot of NZ'ers living in my area. One day a woman with a heavy NZ accent asks me 'where's the cookies?'. So I show her the cookies and she just looks at me like I'm dumb, then she says 'no, the cookies, COOK-IES!'. I'm looking at the cookies in front of me like... so I ask her if she's interested in the freshly baked cookies from our bakery.
Sleepy Panda 1 year ago
Shes still looking at me like the dumbest person in the world when she spells out 'QUICKEZE!'
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Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Oh, sadly, this reminds me of so many conversations I have with people. They must think I'm crazy or stupid or haughty or a combo of all three.
RELATED:
#2
cerinamroth 1 year ago (edited)
Scottish junkie patter is a different level. I used to work in an off-licence in Scotland and had some of my most memorable conversations with them. Always used to step up and give them a hand if they needed it too. One of my favourites was bumping into a guy dressed in a full-on Superman suit (not a costume but a bright blue shiny suit printed with the Superman logo all over it), clearly high as a kite, with his best friend. I was on my way to the bus to go to the airport to head over to Germany. Superman growled in his best jakey voice to ask "Where ya headin, hen?" and I said "Over to Germany. I live there now but I used to live here." "Aye, Germany..."(long pause, I was bracing myself slightly) and then he just said "I got the wee bastard: MOOOONTAG!" as he clearly dredged up a bit of German from school :)
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
You don't need to be a junkie to have that reaction around hyper toddlers.
#3
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 1 year ago
It's a cow, though, so she's fine. (Bulls' horns are much wider)
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Foxglove🇮🇪 1 year ago
I'm guessing that was taken at Cairngorms Park, there aren't many places you'd find that juxtaposition!
LokisLilButterknife 1 year ago (edited)
Needs Irn Bru and Tunnock’s Tea Cakes and perhaps a bagpiper
Scotland is one of the four countries that make up the United Kingdom, the others being England, Wales, and Northern Ireland. Scotland comprises nearly a third of the territory of Great Britain and is home to over 5.4 million people. Part of Scotland’s territory comprises more than 790 islands.
It's an increasingly popular destination to live in. The National Records of Scotland reports that the Scottish population in the year up to mid-2023 rose to 5,490,100. This is 43,100 people more than in the middle of 2022.
#4
The Goo King 1 year ago (edited)
Wrong stuff. Needs oil or grease - the WD40 will make it worse. #DadMode
ABC no seven FCK CENSORING 1 year ago (edited)
Just in case anybody's wondering "but why, it IS oil, isn't it?": it's penetrating oil that does exactly that, it creeps everywhere. To do that, it has a very low viscosity. It will force its way into bearings, for example, force out what's left of the real deal grease, and do a wonderful job - until the next rain comes and washes it away, because something that wants to get everywhere (and that's its job) doesn't stick around very well. So after a little use, you've got yourself a swing that squeaks way more, has way less oil/grease in it, and will rust a lot faster.
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cerinamroth 1 year ago
Every play park in Germany has a number you can call to get things like squeaky swings fixed. We love seeing the Spielplatzmobil going round to fix things when we're out and about with the kids.
Kylie Chapman 1 year ago
I keep a can in the boot of my car at all times just for situations like that too. And now also zip ties. Went round the whole dog park the other day to get every single damn d latch gate lock working properly after seeing all the locals walking from gate to gate trying to find one that wasn't rusted closed or missing the handle (hence the zip ties that make a cheap and adequate non rusting alternative). I always thought I'd be a better Dad than Mum! Why can't I find a bloke willing to play the role of wife?!
Andy Frobig 1 year ago
Reminds me of the great King of the Hill moment when Hank can't get the cap off a can of WD-40, so he takes the little can of WD-40 off his belt and sprays the sticky cap. That's prime man
#5
Full of Giggles 1 year ago
I saw the picture before the headline and thought the same exact thing.
#6
BeesEelsAndPups 1 year ago
Actually, my therapist recommended doing this. Basically, when I'm about to get into a situation that will probably frustrate me, I imagine all the ways it's going to p**s me off. Then I work through those emotions before entering the fray. It actually works really well.
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The BBC reports that this 0.8% increase in population is the biggest single-year jump since 1946-1947. The biggest reason for this growth is more Brits and foreigners moving to Scotland.
“Almost two-thirds of people moving to Scotland came from outside the UK. We also saw a fall in the number of people leaving Scotland. Without migration into Scotland, the population would have fallen,” the National Records of Scotland head of demographic statistics, Esther Roughsedge, explained.
#7
John Mosley 1 year ago
You may be the most responsible person I have ever heard of.
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detective miller's hat 1 year ago
My friends make fun of me for how many of these things I have floating about the house, in my handbag, and on my person.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
You probably also know the precise location of each one.
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Speaking of lip balm, do y'all know how much balm is left in the tube when it's "empty"? It's a significant amount. Being the Yankee I am, I'll use a small plastic applicator handle to scrape it out.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
Yankee here as well. It warms my heart to see such cheapskatery. "Use it up, wear it out. Make it do or do without."
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Itsmeagain 1 year ago
You do know that lip balm is addictive? It's true.The more you use them the more you need them. Try going without it for a few days and you'll find you don't really need it.
#8
Yvonne Blau 1 year ago (edited)
"Mind the pedestrian." - "But he's on the sidewalk." - "He might jump out into the street. You never know with these people."
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David Paterson 1 year ago
Wives do that. I know four that do. Or perhaps it's just my driving.
MalibuClassicMan 1 year ago
Also that twitchie thing that happens to their finger that makes it fly out
Adam Benson 1 year ago
Is that why he's in the passenger seat? I assume this was taken in Scotland.
#9
BeesEelsAndPups 1 year ago
In most countries marrying a relative is illegal, so I hope not.
Load More Replies... The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
That would be true for me as well, except that my wife would never be caught dead in a grocery store.
However, the population situation isn’t as rosy as some might think. “Deaths outnumbered births by the highest amount on record. There were 19,100 more deaths than births,” she said.
Meanwhile, the Scottish population is getting older, with over a fifth of residents aged 65 and over. Only 16% of Scots were aged 15 or under.
#10
SD 1 year ago
Lol. I used to work at a bank with someone named Stirling and we used to call him GBP 😆
Papa 1 year ago
I knew a young woman whose first name was April. She married a man whose last name was May, so until their divorce (and maybe after; I don't know if she changed it) her name was April May.
FoxEcoLimaIndiaCharlieIndiAlfa 1 year ago
The late comedian Ralphie May has 2 children, his son's named August James May and his daughter is April June May.
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Farah the Turtle 1 year ago
The op is a barber hes using his golden trimmers on some guy and he goes "Did u unlock that after 500 haircuts?"
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Asmodeus Hare 1 year ago
Video games. In some games like Harvest Moon, you can unlock gold tools which work better or does not have durability attached.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
It is in English. If it was in Scots, i guarantee it would not be on the list. Just because it's not the way you speak it, doesn't mean it's English. It's a big wide world and lots of us got colonized.
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ABC no seven FCK CENSORING 1 year ago
Ink running out on PÌSSED, that one is new. But don't be afraid, I gotcha.
iBlank 1 year ago
even better would be to program a favorite channel and keep switching back to it
Glen Ellyn 1 year ago
Nah, because he'd probably then guess what was going on and who was doing it.
Load More Replies... detective miller's hat 1 year ago
I used to do this to my sister when we were kids and had the same tvs in our bedrooms.
The ‘Scottish Patter’ project has been entertaining and amusing the internet for a long while now. Originally, its Facebook page was created in late November 2016, nearly 8 years ago.
As the idea behind the page started gaining traction, the humor-loving team behind it branched out to Instagram, too, in April 2017.
We've reached out to the team curating the project to learn more about its history, and we'll update the article as soon as we hear back from them.
#13
Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
Had an offer to work as a prison doctor in a psychiatric prison for men. I declined...
cerinamroth 1 year ago
Someone has to do it if we want to rehabilitate and reduce recidivism!
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Andy Frobig 1 year ago
For most of the world, that's a lot closer than we are
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#14
Schmebulock 1 year ago
Eats wee boys who don't do their school work/chores is the proper dad answer.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 year ago
Little known fact: Jack the Ripper was actually the Loch Ness Monster. Nessie would take the train to King's Cross, before catching the tube to Aldgate East. From there it's just a short jaunt to Whitechapel.
#15
Karen Krause 1 year ago
Thank you. Steaming can also be mad as HELL in America. So I wondered why she wanted food and the OP was getting smart to further antagonize.
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At the time of writing, ‘Scottish Patter’ has an impressive 730k followers on Facebook. The page has also garnered an impressive 601k likes on the social network. Meanwhile, on Instagram, the project has seen an even greater deal of success. Currently, there are 1.1 million Scottish-humor-loving internet users who follow the account there.
#16
HTakeover 1 year ago
On the menu screen. Gotta hit Escape or the three lines on the controller to get there.
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P R 1 year ago
Tryin', trying to remember how my grandfather from Scotland to America would sound like
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 1 year ago
This is humiliating. Now I know what I look like when I'm straining to see street names and product ingredients.
#17
John Mosley 1 year ago
Thank goodness that white fence was there or I wouldn't have gotten the joke.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
Who tf just jumped on the BP bandwagon recently and decided to downvote nearly every single comment on every post? Downvotes are for inappropriate & erroneous comments, not opinions. This has been a BP edict since day one, when people were being suspended & banned for getting downvotes simply because they have a different philosophy or point of view. Not cool! It ruins the social discourse of all we learn & share here.
#18
BeesEelsAndPups 1 year ago
I know this is silly humor, but I do wonder about people who use Romeo and Juliet as an example of true love. They were two infatuated adolescents who were obsessed with their idea of each other. Romeo was completely in love with Rosaline 5 minutes before he met Juliet.
Kare Deter 1 year ago
IKR? I am always confused by people who revere Romeo & Juliet but despise Twilight because of the suicidal ideation depicted although the heroine doesn't actually commit the act. Neither one is a good "love story". Rolling joints for your hubby who forgot how? Best love story ever.
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Bex 1 year ago
OMG, this is the future of me and my bf, lol He's losing his sight, and smokes hand-rolled cigs, so I've been trying to learn how to roll them for when he's completely blind.
Just Mike 1 year ago
She must mean a roll your own cigarette machine that you can use to roll joints. Around $3 for one. Put the weed in and put the paper inside like a typewriter paper, lick the end before the glue side goes in and you have a rolled joint when you open the machine back up.
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The ‘patter’ in ‘Scottish Patter’ doesn’t just refer to rain (a common sight if you’ve ever visited the country). ‘Patter,’ according to the Cambridge Dictionary, is continuous and sometimes funny speech or talk.
Often, it’s related to entertainers speaking or someone trying to sell you something. Between the reference to rain and entertainment, it’s such a clever play on words. It’s fitting for a culture that values puns so much.
#19
BeesEelsAndPups 1 year ago
My smart a*s would have replied to him with: "Oh, I hope you packed your parachute well then"
Undercover 1 year ago
No, I would have told him this flight goes to a totally different city and watch him as panic overflows
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Bermy 1 year ago
Reminds me of the night I was flying across Australia from Perth {WA} to Sydney {NSW}. Left Perth at midnight arrived, Sydney at 6am {2hours time difference over 4000 plus something kilometres}. English passenger behind me wakes up and exclaims, "Jesus! Been flying all f*****g night and we're still in the same country!"
Catharina Geerts 1 year ago
Well, a plane can go to more stops than one, before returning, and also after the flight someone could take a different plane to travel on. So even on a plane, it is a valid question
Stephanie de Blaauw 1 year ago
This is not the Terminal, love, I'm not staying at the airport Poké place
Der Kommissar 1 year ago
Occasionally I will ask the passenger next to me where they are going. If they say the destination we are headed, I tell them " Good, because if you weren't, you would be on the wrong plane. "
#20
Karen Krause 1 year ago
Had a dog like that. He had slipped his collar when I was putting him on the lead in the yard in the morning when I was visiting my sister. (Her yard didn't have a fence.) I tried to get him. I chased him all over the neighborhood but lost sight of him. I decided to go back to her house to change (I was in a robe and slippers) to hunt properly. I go to the back door and there he is waiting for me, wagging his tail as if saying, "That was fun! Let's do it again!"
Deborah B 1 year ago
This reminds me of the time my mum forgot to close the snake vivarium. My sister's pet snake was missing somewhere in the house for a week, and my mum was repeatedly searching the whole place. We found it back in it's vivarium, curled up on it's heating pad under a piece of bark. Animals know where home is.
Stephanie de Blaauw 1 year ago
I had one do this to me, big white dog managed to get lost in a tiny bit of the woods. Couldn't find her there so I ventured into the larger part, texting her owner... walk to her house half panicked and there she is waiting for me, had to have a sit down after that. 'Luckily' they told me she'd managed it with them as well, so it wasn't just me losing their dog
#21
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Reminds me of a party where one of the guests brought brownies. She had made two batches - one for home and one for the party. She brought the home brownies by accident and it was a hoot watching everyone's reaction.
Adam Benson 1 year ago
I'd loved to have seen the look on her face when the realisation kicked in!
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The linguistic fun and depth of the ‘patter’ part of ‘Scottish Patter’ goes even further. To continue, ‘patter’ can simply refer to talking, according to the Dictionaries of the Scots Language. For example, someone just chatting away. In other contexts, it’s more akin to banter, meant to impress or amuse someone.
#22
Kristal 1 year ago
... are hashbrowns not a breakfast food in Scotland? Are they something completely different to hashbrown in the US? Cause unless you're doing 'breakfast for dinner' hashbrowns are usually just for breakfast.
Owen 1 year ago
Don't know about prison, but you can eat food at any time you want. It can't tell the time.
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#23
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
American here. This is an indigenous creature commonly known as the "Gym Bro"; commonly found near fitness centers, juice bars, and anywhere large mirrors are available. Generally harmless but may become aggressive in large packs. Try to avoid direct eye contact or they may feel compelled to tell you about their workout routine.
Lila Allen 1 year ago
I just laughed for 3 minutes straight and all my students think I'm losing my marbles.
RedFraggle 1 year ago
Those fluorescent teeth are ridiculous. Why do some people wanna look like they live in constant black lights?
Celtic Pirate Queen 1 year ago
Damn, son - you look like you use the same makeup artist as Donald Trump. Not a good look.
#24
Marianne 1 year ago
Shout out to my toddler who did the same thing recently. In the middle of the night, he's suddenly wide awake and shouts:"The candy bars! We have to buy the candy bars." I was like: "Hush, you were dreaming." And he goes: "No, I wasn't! We have to buy the candy bars NOW! The ones with chololate!"
John Mosley 1 year ago
I immediately thought he was dreaming of going to hell. I further imagine there IS a buffet. You are in the back of a very long line and the buffet is self serve with no utensils, everyone in front of you scoops the food out with their bare hands. Bon appetit!
‘Patter’ can also mean any kind of insider’s language and someone’s street smarts. This interpretation can refer to the idea that you can’t really comprehend a different culture without having experienced it firsthand.
In this case, ‘Scottish Patter’ memes, while witty and illuminating, might not always be comprehensible to outsiders. There will always be a few jokes that require some firsthand life experiences and unspoken context to make you laugh aloud.
#26
#27
Which of the memes featured here did you enjoy the most? Have you ever visited or lived in Scotland? What do you personally love the most about Scottish culture, dear Pandas? Tell us all about it in the comments section.
Meanwhile, if you enjoy this type of humor, be sure to follow ‘Scottish Patter’s’ socials for the freshest memes.
#28
ABC no seven FCK CENSORING 1 year ago
Easy fix, use the poop knife so everybody gets a piece.
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Chewie Baron 1 year ago (edited)
What is the height of disgust? A jobby with a love bite.
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Immortal Jellyfish 1 year ago
Whit wan ae yoos did a shi...... DISCUSTIN! Lest we forget.........
MalibuClassicMan 1 year ago
A "Jobby", well thats a first for me, here in South Carolina, too funny!!!, we call it a "Logger".
#29
HTakeover 1 year ago
"Don't hang around the ice cream... you're so hot you'll melt it all!"
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Skitty Young 1 year ago
I had a guy chat me up at midnight in the frozen food section. Sorry I’m not single, just work weird hours.
#30
howdylee 1 year ago
I've heard this debate before... we gotta set some ground rules. 1 What are we drinking? 2 How long do we have to drink? 3 Is it about quantity or drunkenness? Cuz pounding Bud Lights is different from shots of whiskey... I'm genuinely curious of the outcome.
John Mosley 1 year ago
I'll take that bet. I don't drink, but the odds are too good to pass up.
PandaGoPanda 1 year ago
The Scots would provide 50% of the drinking power of the whole United Kingdom.
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michael Chock 1 year ago
You have never been to Michigan, Minnesota, Oregon or Wisconsin. I've known functional alcoholics throw down 2 handles during their shift and still make it home.
Alex Martin 1 year ago
All those Irish folks y'all enslaved and then tried to starve out 170 years ago. 31.5 million of their descendants live here and will drink you under the table as a point of pride.
whineygingercat 1 year ago
I'd rather go up against a fellow Scot than face up with a German...
#31
The Phantom Stranger 1 year ago
You must be new here. We don't make rational, thoughtful comments like that!
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BeesEelsAndPups 1 year ago
I saw this very same joke but using $USD on BoredPanda a few days ago.
#32
#33
*raspberry sound 1 year ago
"going postal" was a phrase in the States in the 90's, it was due to the frequency at which postal workers were going on rampages. It happened, like, twice and was probably due in part to it being the f*****g Wild West over here.
Marat Singh Farout 1 year ago
The majority of going postal people were in house workers, who couldn't or wouldn't work a route but had to deal with petty jumped up wankers boss in and micro managing.
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Der Kommissar 1 year ago
Mailmen in the USA have to sort their mail before they deliver it. That usually starts at 6AM. Try delivering mail in 100F degree heat, or driving rain. Not fun.
Adam Benson 1 year ago
I used to be a mail sorter and the posties would usually come in at 5.30am to pre-sort the mail. So it's not quite that easy. There's a lot of work going on that people don't see,
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
When the postal worker arrives, the men in the building are all set for him. They shout down from their porches, greet him in the lobby, and it's like a pub night for all. They can get a bit rowdy, but it's nice to see these old men have a few minutes of fun.
Bettye McKee 1 year ago
My postman used to tell me jokes. One day, he said, "What does it mean when the flag at the post office is flying half mast?" Well, I didn't know, so he said, "They're hiring."
Cloakred_Is_Bored 1 year ago
I don’t have a f*****g clue what these people are talking about, I’m on the wrong thread, dude
Ren Karlej 1 year ago
Royal Mail Tracked 24 and Special Delivery Guaranteed do deliver on Sundays... so you're not guaranteed Sundays off!
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 year ago
I've never known a UK postie go postal. They really are very chilled.
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#34
BeesEelsAndPups 1 year ago
Wait until you discover the candy bar called "100 Grand". Those things are like $100.000
Load More Replies... JessieJ&LilyLovebug 1 year ago (edited)
Well, you could do something similar to we Americans and blame your Prime Ministers and the King...
Adam Benson 1 year ago
Ah, lucky guy got a discount - well, it would be in Australia nowadays.
#35
Glen Ellyn 1 year ago
I wonder if the partiers will ever figure it out. Must be driving them crazy. 🤣
WindySwede 1 year ago
For anyone, like me, not knowing: https://youtu.be/POv-3yIPSWc?si=XccnhNrBzvlGVSZo
Load More Replies... Lene 1 year ago
I had no idea that I know Agadoo! Was it a big international thing when I was a little kid? 🤔 anyways.... could tooootally imagine putting it on a playlist (because I also enjoy silly music).
Rattical Red 1 year ago (edited)
Unfortunately, in reality, these devices always want some sort of confirmation, so you can't actually connect to them just like that. I tried.
JB 1 year ago
They do! But roughly 98% of people don’t change the preset code. It’s often 0000. Have fun with the fools who think they’re secure but don’t bother to set their own code.
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Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Oh, nooo. I had to YouTube this and it's a nightmare song somewhere in the ranking of Baby Shark.
#36
#37
arthbach 1 year ago
Big one on the front left, and second place is medium back right.
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Jesse 1 year ago
From context, I think it's the stovetop. Where you put the pots while cooking.
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Asmodeus Hare 1 year ago
Stove top or range. Often electric or induction.
Load More Replies... #38
Joshua David 1 year ago (edited)
Next time it comes on, stand up and offer your hand and say, "shall we?" Bump that §hit up a notch!
#39
Sherribobbins 1 year ago
Bahaha my ex husband is from Greenock, this would be a very true observation.
#40
Emma S 1 year ago
I woke up to the sound of shouting. It was my dad asking my mom if she wanted a biscuit but she declined. Then my dad asked my mom if she wanted to give him oral pleasure. I did not hear anything else after this interaction and now I'm too scared to leave my room in case my mom is giving my dad a blow job.
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Adam Benson 1 year ago
Goddammit, I actually understood all that - thanks to the British comics (Beano, Whizzer and Chips etc) that I read as a kid. I never thought it would come in useful one day.
Adam Benson 1 year ago (edited)
In Australia and NZ, hobnob means to socialise, esp with famous or important people. Does this word mean something completely different in the UK?
Steve Goodwin 1 year ago
Same in the UK, but there is also a biscuit called a Hobnob.
Load More Replies... WindySwede 1 year ago
Where are the gramme police when you need one? /jk but could not really interpret this one 🫣
A Strike 1 year ago
Woke up to my dad offering my mom a hob n*b ( cookie) to which she refused. He then said what about my n*b (penis)?. There was silence so now I am scared to go downstairs.
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#41
Marianne 1 year ago
Seriously, though. Why do you guys have the same word for spicy and very warm? Don't you miscommunicate all the time? These 2 properties of food do occur at the same time a lot.
Auntriarch 1 year ago (edited)
Spicy doesn't help, I always think they mean any spices not just chilli. We could say "how scoville is it ?"
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Aiden Brough 1 year ago
When I first started my job I made tea & coffees for everyone. A client said to me "Wow, that's hot" and I replied "I boil the water twice" causing everyone to burst out laughing and thick 16 year old me not so quick on the uptake not knowing what he meant...
#42
Robin 1 year ago
It's an indoor cloths stand that you hang things on to air out. It's used a lot in the UK where tumble dryers are less common and the world prefers to rain on us.
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Moonie Pinkslip 1 year ago
Yep, monsoon season in India...only difference is, ceiling fans :))
#43
Charlie the Cat 1 year ago
For those that don't know, you get a free bus pass when you retire in the UK.
Gadaffi Duck 1 year ago
You also get one if you're disabled regardless of age, and young people get one in Scotland.
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Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Oh, this just brought back a very painful memory. The first time I was in a packie and the clerk did NOT ask for my ID. So thankful I'd stocked up on spirits because I needed to drown my sorrows.
#44
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
I honestly think my mother wished my brother had thrown me off a balcony.
#45
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
I refer to myself as a quasi-vegetarian because not eating cheese would leave a gaping hole in my life.
Undercover 1 year ago
If you're just learning to cook: every miserable meal will get edible if you cover it with cheese and microwave it. Speaking from experience (I'm a decent cook now)
#46
Kristal 1 year ago
Hey! Don't knock finding affordable appliances. Everyone deserves affordable appliances.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 year ago
As a single father of three children currently looking for a cheap washing machine, I appreciate your support. My current machine's spin cycle doesn't work and the clothes are still soapy, so I have to run another wash with no soap.
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YaMaOnToast 1 year ago
The 3rd came along 9 months after they got the Fridge Freezer off FB Marketplace as well
minnieslave0 1 year ago
Was great to see a girl who called me "fatty" at school waddle past me as I held the door open for her.
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
I was THIS close to going to my high school reunion for this purpose. I wanted to see all the out of shape jocks and mean girls. But my budget overruled my pettiness.
#47
WalterWhiteSavannah 1 year ago
Sounds like me and the gf anytime she convinces me we should go to Costco.
Moonie Pinkslip 1 year ago
Why do women go shopping with their partners, and insist they join them? I'd NEVER go shopping with my husband....it would spoil my fun!
DutchPanda 1 year ago
Primark is all fun and games before opening times I guess. Mad respect for the people who work there. Whatever they're paid, it's not enough.
General Anaesthesia 1 year ago
My guess is that the boyfriend doesn't enjoy accompanying his girlfriend on a clothes shopping expedition. The girlfriend os OK, the shopping torture.
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arthbach 1 year ago
It used to be 'fillum' in English too, but in English they didn't give the vowels the respect they deserve, and ditched the 'u'. It happened with 'alarum'; it's now considered an archaic version of 'alarm'. It's also happening with 'jewellery'; many English people say 'jewlri', instead of the full four syllables of 'jew-el-er-ee'. 'Ambulance is also losing its vowels.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
Many Americans pronounce jewellery as "joolery."
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#49
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 year ago
Well of course! If there's a bus/lorry on your right you can't see if anything is coming in any case.
Petra Schaap 1 year ago
lol i do this with jaywalking. Cars,vans, or other people. Just make sure you're not the first one getting hit!
#50
Jenn Anderson 1 year ago (edited)
It's an old vine clip of a preteen live streaming and the mom comes in and says who took a shite and didn't flush disgusting in a very heavy scot accent
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John Mosley 1 year ago (edited)
Here's the reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8KzSweYESw&ab_channel=AnthonyHDVideos
#51
Owen 1 year ago
If you grew up in Scotland, you'll see drunk women at the hospital as soon as you're born.
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
They have a reputation for being drunk, and miserly.
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Auntriarch 1 year ago
So, did anyone actually get round to laughing at this, or was it just me
Ace 1 year ago
Is it maybe just possible that different countries, regions, towns, districts or individual schools may not all have the same opening hours?
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Auntriarch 1 year ago
It was a lovely day when I did it, and all I got was Tunnocks
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#62
Louisa johnson 1 year ago
Used to be a couple of crates of 24 cans of strongbow when I was younger
Frunkadunk 1 year ago
Handle of whiskey and a 2 liter of Diet Coke, here. I may not have good taste, but I'm gonna have fun!
#63
Iampenny 1 year ago
Driving instructor asks, “are you just back from Tenerife?" And I said “no, just the sunbeds” and he said ”No, because you're driving on the wrong side of the road.”
Load More Replies... #64
PandaGoPanda 1 year ago
Cosy evenings on the sofa UK winter. Snowball flights in the park UK winter. Christmas and twinkling lights UK winter.
Richi Weiss 1 year ago
Yeah cause summer is soooo much better? Like sweating your as off, get sunburns, can't sleep cause of frigging 25 degrees.. and if u are cold get dressed properly but if u are hot in summer and already took off your clothes, u r screwed.... yeah so much better. 🤦
Glix Drap 1 year ago
Question - where are applying the Vaseline to and why so often? Just asking for a friend.
Surly Scot 1 year ago
After 14yrs in Wild West America and 7yrs in the horrendous desert of New Mexico, I can proudly say I'm fleeing back to my homecity of Glasgow and the gloriously freezing winters in a few months. Happy to exchange the searing death-heat, rampant junkies, violence and dire food system for chilly winds and endless cups of tea.
Auntriarch 1 year ago (edited)
Fire is lit, blankie over knees, nobody else is going out. Edit: Mr Auntriarch has asked me if I would like a coffee. Does it get any better?
Undercover 1 year ago
Grew up and still live in the central alps... But we have a dry cold and you're perfectly warm if you dress accordingly. Never felt so cold as when I visited a place with humid cold in march. The temperatures were technically a lot higher then in the Alps, but the humidity penetrated every layer of clothing right down to your bones 🥶
#65
WindySwede 1 year ago
"A friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend with printer ink is better" 🎵🎵
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Pernille 1 year ago
I have an olive farm with loads of animals in south west France.....sorry to those who had to witness my only talent.
DC and S 1 year ago
Man, should have learned how to turn my eyelids inside out.,. Then maybe I'd be living on an olive farm with animals in southwest France!
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Surly Scot 1 year ago
6yrs of French in school and all I can bloomin' remember is "Ou est la bibliotheque?" and "je m'apelle....". 5 yrs of German and all I can remember is "ya das ist gut". School clearly had a lasting impact, lol.
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Surly Scot 1 year ago
If they're invited to a 'square go' at a specific place and time....it could help clear up a lot of road rage incidents, lol. Imagine getting raging with someone on the road, tap the app, 2 second later you're going "right, I'll see you down the pub on Thursday at 7 for a slapping!". We could sell tickets!
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Kare Deter 1 year ago
A choice has been made. Better this way, she's free to pursue someone who will love her back - maybe as much as the Rangers
#77
Glix Drap 1 year ago
Same sentiment might be applied to Scots who complain about the midges in summer - just move somewhere else away from them.
Lila Allen 1 year ago
I'm just waiting for them to figure out window screens
Load More Replies... Surly Scot 1 year ago
So many knickers in a twist over this post. I love how angry everyone gets over someone making an ignorant comment. Ignorance and stupidity are everywhere, you only degrade yourself by stooping to its level and getting involved in a mud-slinging match yourself. The most mature method no one seems to use: don't like what you see? MOVE ON. You don't have to stop by every piece of trash in the street, just keep going and get on with your day.
Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
Alright that's ignorant. Maybe they lack the resources to build anything and to lugg their stuff 30 miles. Maybe their parent's workplace is there. Maybe they don't want to pollute their drinking water by having lots of people pissing and s******g nearby.
#78
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Auntriarch 1 year ago (edited)
Haven't laughed so much in ages. Can some of our Scottish Pandas please do one of these every month or so? Admittedly it helps if you speak Feegle.
TheDag 1 year ago
Ach I always enjoy some of the home Scottish patter, I offer a translation service for those feeling left out....Only a small fee of £200 per hour since you know its a specialist position XD
LokisLilButterknife 1 year ago
As a translation project manager and linguistic researcher originally from Scotland, I’d hire you! 😆
Load More Replies... Multa Nocte 1 year ago
I am embarrassed to admit I didn't understand a number of these. The others were pretty funny, however.
arthbach 1 year ago
Multa Nocte, some of them are written in Scots, not English, and some are in Scottish English. If you need a translation, let me know which ones. I am a Scot who loves etymology.
Load More Replies... Mike F 1 year ago
They seem to be able to tell you to fu¢k off 6 different ways and make you laugh at each one.
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Onan Hag All 1 year ago
I'm guessing the funnier ones are down the bottom of the page, as American readers don't get them.
Paula Glasscoe 1 year ago
Aye, it’s hoachin wi bams. An’ rockets, roasters, radges and wallopers
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Auntriarch 1 year ago (edited)
Haven't laughed so much in ages. Can some of our Scottish Pandas please do one of these every month or so? Admittedly it helps if you speak Feegle.
TheDag 1 year ago
Ach I always enjoy some of the home Scottish patter, I offer a translation service for those feeling left out....Only a small fee of £200 per hour since you know its a specialist position XD
LokisLilButterknife 1 year ago
As a translation project manager and linguistic researcher originally from Scotland, I’d hire you! 😆
Load More Replies... Multa Nocte 1 year ago
I am embarrassed to admit I didn't understand a number of these. The others were pretty funny, however.
arthbach 1 year ago
Multa Nocte, some of them are written in Scots, not English, and some are in Scottish English. If you need a translation, let me know which ones. I am a Scot who loves etymology.
Load More Replies... Mike F 1 year ago
They seem to be able to tell you to fu¢k off 6 different ways and make you laugh at each one.
Load More Replies... Onan Hag All 1 year ago
I'm guessing the funnier ones are down the bottom of the page, as American readers don't get them.
Paula Glasscoe 1 year ago
Aye, it’s hoachin wi bams. An’ rockets, roasters, radges and wallopers
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