50 Sentences That Came Out Of Nowhere And Left Everyone Speechless (New Pics)
Interview With ExpertMany of us find it adorable when little kids ramble words that somehow form a complete sentence. Now, imagine adults doing the same, spontaneously coming up with sentences that are funny, oddly accurate, and unlike anything you’ve ever heard before. A mix of hilarious and fascinating, right?
That’s exactly what the subreddit “Brand New Sentence” is all about. With over 1.4 million members, it’s a goldmine of sentences that have (quite literally) never been written before, spotted “in the wild.” From witty remarks to intriguing word mashups, it’s a treasure trove of linguistic gems you didn’t know you needed. Keep scrolling, you just might stumble upon a sentence you’ll never forget.
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The Anniversary Of George W. Bush Getting A Shoe Thrown At Him
You have an awesome partner! A little anecdote about President Carter. In the late 1970's my father-in-law was base commander at Pope AFB. Air Force One landed at the base and we got to stand in the front of the line. I actually got to shake his hand. ♥️
Biological Wh*refare
Doing this on purpose is a criminal offence, at least in the UK it will be tried as a*****t
My Predecessor Was A Goat
I had to regularly deal with a very unpleasant human in a multiyear series of public meetings and the 'rules of engagement' were very unsatisfying. So I renamed one of the goats Kelly Jo, so I could snap "Shut up, Kelly Jo!" You makes your own therapy as you goes along.
I went to school with a girl who always said she was named after the egg her mother was tasked with caring for when she was a kid as part of a school project on responsibility
Lucky my wife and I never had kids, one of our pu$$y cats was called Stinkerpuss most of the time!
My husband and I would would test out names by yelling them out the back door.
my last dog was named after "Susi and the tramp"...and not Susi. that would be a bad child's name
My older son was named after Kirk on Star Trek, my younger son was named after Sean Connery. Told hubs they named after Irish kings. When he cheated and abandoned us in Albuquerque, I told him the truth, which pleased my sons no end -- Irish Kings were boring but Star Trek??????
well that just probably means that now you are the goat. you are goated.
I don't think I like the idea of being named after a deceased pet, however much it was loved.
There are over 8 billion people living on this planet, which feels like an unimaginably large number. You would think that with so many of us, we would run out of ways to be unique. But somehow, human creativity always finds new ground. From art and music to literature and language, fresh ideas keep appearing every day.
Language, especially, shows us endless possibilities. With so many words and combinations, no two people ever sound completely alike. And that’s what makes each expression so fascinating.
Giovanni And His Weird Son Who Bites Sometimes
Bob Dylan had a ride in my car once - with a previous owner back in the 60's.
Did they drive down Highway 61? How about Desolation Row?
Load More Replies..."Way Too Many People Are Urinating On [the] Tower At Any Given Moment To Arrest Them All"
Almost anything would work better, but you cannot elect gasoline for president as it does not come from USA originally.
Load More Replies...One reason for this is that there are no Tesla dealerships in downtown New York.
Could easily put a stop to this by arresting them all for treason and public indecency. But no, can't charge him while he's in office according to the extreme court.
If Bugs Bunny Was The Unabomber
Did anyone else try screaming into a jar and closing it right away, then opening it back up to see if the scream was trapped in the jar as a kid? Or was I just too easily influenced by cartoon physics?
lol no..but my gross brother would fart into a jar and that definitely worked…..
Load More Replies...I watched a Pink Panther cartoon where someone got shot over the phone, by a man who he was watching on TV. Man those cartoons were crazy.
The letter would arrive "faster than a speeding bullet". Can't do that with email.
This idea is exactly what the subreddit r/BrandNewSentence celebrates. Launched in 2018, the community has grown to over 1.4 million members who love discovering sentences that sound like they’ve never been written before.
The rules are simple but clever: a sentence must either have “never been said before, or said so rarely that it counts as almost new.” It also can’t be a cliché, idiom, or just a translated phrase, it has to feel original. The results are often hilarious, unexpected, and oddly thought-provoking. In short, it’s a goldmine of originality.
I Am A Walking Chimera Of Various Furies And Petty Qualms
I can be mad about both genocide and my stubbed toe at the same time
My wife seems to always wake up pissed off at the world about something. I am guessing she has a sleep disorder.
Has she been evaluated for ADHD?? Cause we wake up pissed for no reason a lot. Also, have you looked around. It's kind of tough to wake up not pissed off at the world.
Load More Replies...Sentient Toilet Brush
Nah the problem isn't "masculine" or "feminine energy". The problem is lizard-people energy
I'm 56 and use a walker. I'll run over his toes to distract him and then you can get him.
Load More Replies...In college, this a*****e couldn't even dress himself without looking like an optical illusion.
Wasn't his former CEO a woman? Facebook was a much safer place back then.
Zuckerberg wouldn't know "feminine energy" even if it kicked him in the bahogies.
Two New Sentences
And honestly, the sentences people post there never disappoint. Some make you laugh out loud, while others are so strange you’ll wonder how they ever came to exist. To explore how English allows for this creativity, we spoke with Rosmary Joseph, an English teacher who works with middle schoolers in Mumbai.
Teaching 7th and 8th graders, she often sees students experiment with words in surprising ways. “English is such a flexible language,” she told us. “I love how a single phrase can mean so many different things depending on how you use it.” That flexibility is what sparks originality.
"How To Not Commit Micro Aggression Against Vampires In Your Workplace"
This post is exactly what a poor vampire would write to defend their bad investment choices
The good thing though is that a vampire would have thousands of years to learn how to make better investment choices.
Load More Replies...Specifically Engineered Itself To Obfuscate Your Sense Of Time
You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy!
Load More Replies...I went the Las Vegas once. The unpleasant thing was the casinos in the old original section of town all smelled of mold and mildew inside them. Probably from humidifiers that have been running for all those years.
"Cheap" is not what comes to mind thinking of Vegas, but I get the idea.
Most Scarlett Johansson Looking President
Well, if there ever will be a Hollywood production of Carter, We know who portrays him lol
Truly one of the good guys. And I kinda feel like Scarlett wouldn’t be too shabby as president either.
A decent human being in the white house. Maybe we'll live to see such a thing again.
Load More Replies...Yup.. that's the one. I kept feeling the face is familiar but not Johansson.
Load More Replies..."Now he might look like an idiot and he might sound like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot." Groucho Marx
Load More Replies...You do know ,just cos AI is around doesn’t mean EVERYTHING IS DONE BY THAT RIGHT 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Load More Replies...Rosmary explained that to create unique sentences, it helps to understand the building blocks of language. “Every sentence has phrases at its core,” she said. “For example, a noun phrase centers around a noun. Meanwhile, a verb phrase is built around a verb.
These seem simple, but once you start combining them, the possibilities multiply.” By mixing and matching phrases in new ways, people accidentally stumble into sentences no one has ever heard before. That’s where the fun begins.
Two Of Everything Darling
She could also say Spell han they spell han backwards.
Load More Replies...Your C*****e To Defend Participation Trophies
"Special flag" meaning the Confederate flag, which NASCAR banned. So he's saying he won't drive unless he's allowed to be visibly racist. 🙄
The fact that I assumed he was talking about an LGBT+ flag and find out it was a Confederate flag....makes this burn even better. I have a feeling he wouldn't be thrilled to learn some of us just assumed he was gay
Load More Replies...150 years later and they're still clinging to their participation ribbon from the civil war..
I looked him up. 33 races in 5 years. Best placement 33rd. Im sure everyone will cry for him leaving….
Keep in mind there are only 40 cars in a NASCAR race
Load More Replies...Crusad3 is banned? How does one teach 12th century history?
The full spelling of 3rd Reich as well - Bad regime, still historically relevant though
Load More Replies...I'd like to remind everyone who considers RE Lee's battle flag to be part of "their heritage" that I had a fauxhawk in the early 2000s that lasted longer than the Confederacy did.
It's like flying the old South African flag. The flag itself wasn't specifically racist but it's associated with the apartheid regime and you just do not fly it. Just deal with it. Most South Africans like the new one better anyway because you can paint your face like the flag in all the different colours for rugby, soccer and cricket matches. But unlike Americans we don't worship the flag. I don't understand why some people are so obsessed, unless saying the Pledge of Allegiance every day has messed with their minds!
I didn’t know this that’s interesting! I love bored panda from what I learn in comments 🤗 so, my daughter is 13 now, and in Texas a law was just passed to require the Ten Commandments in every classroom. Pretty sure separation of church and state is a thing? We’re just ignoring that I guess
Load More Replies...Well... first off, this Complete Racist Waste of Human Space, was born in Maryland, which remained in the Union during the Civil War. But, since he never finished better than 67th, I guess his "Special Flag", would be near and dear to his loser self.
We all know that your stupid flag symbolizes your racist opinions, and how you morons are still flaunting the fact that your side lost.
Mobile Autistic Doom Pile
I would never ask someone to dig around in my purse. Even my kids know better than to try. My purse is sacred.
I once caught my husband searching for change in mine. I almost hit him over the head with it, but I talked myself out of it. It would have been unwise - it had a hammer and a pair of pliers in it at the time.
Load More Replies...If my husband can't find the peanut butter right in front of him in the pantry, he surely can't find anything in my purse!
I once read an article about a woman who had lost her purse, and when she went to claim it at the police station, they were standing around watching her put all her stuff back in it. Apparently, they had been unable to get it all back in, and were curious as to how she managed to get all that stuff in there. Haha maybe that's the reason they bring us the whole purse?
Telling me that it's somewhere in your purse is like telling me that it's somewhere in North America.
The first/last time my husband dig in my purse, he came up with an adjustable crescent wrench. My explanation (that my bike seat was loose) did not alleviate his concern.
This for sure. Mom would still ask me to get something out of it for her. I'm not falling for that trap.
Load More Replies...One of our family jokes is that if mom ever cleans out her purse, that she'll find the Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant, Amelia Earhardt's airplane, and Jimmy Hoffa's body in there.😆
its just the quickest way. He can go through my purse all he wants to. As long as he doesnt take anything out without telling me.
She went on to describe how adjective phrases and adverb phrases add extra flavor. Adjective phrases describe nouns, like “a teacher full of energy,” while adverb phrases describe how something is done, like “with surprising enthusiasm.”
According to Rosmary, these details often turn an ordinary sentence into something colorful. For example, “The dog barked” is plain, but “The dog barked with the rage of a thousand suns” suddenly feels unique.
Charles Darwin Looking At His F**ked Up Tomatoes; Oh S**t That Me
Prolapser
BP forgot to censor the thumbnail pic of someone smoking! Aaahhhh, my eyes! /s
Some people slather on the hot spices to disguise badly cooked food. I should know. I drown dishes I've made in hot sauce.
Found some data from China: the China Health and Nutrition Survey (CHNS) data to identify the correlation between income and preference for spicy foods. Results show that low-income individuals have a higher preference for spicy foods compared to high-income people, even in the same geographic area.
Of course. Spice is for covering up the unpleasantness of low-quality food.
Load More Replies...That's classist. I'm white and "upper class" (at least monetarily) and I love super spicy food.
American White people have been over exaggerating everything for a long time and we like toilet humor. A*blaster isn't as spicy as you think
Actually, really spicy food was peasant food. You didn’t have much money, so you would buy the bruised fruit and vegetables, the meat that was a day away from going bad, and so on. You’d then buy just a tiny pinch of SPICY spice, which would distract from the not top grade food. It would also make you eat more slowly, making your undersized meal, all you could afford, feel like a much bigger, more filling meal. The wealthy were able to indulge in more bland foods, because those foods were top of the line, fresh food. It enabled them to show off, because there was nothing to distract from the crisp, juicy fresh food.
I personally go for tabasco and tapatilo myself. But yeah gotta have hot sauce
My stomach can take spicey,food but my mouth can't. I wish my mouth could take spicey food. I would eat more spicey food.
Tumor Cured Itself
Another type is the prepositional phrase, which shows relationships between words in a sentence. Think of sentences like “The keys on the table” or “The cat under the bed.”
These phrases may seem simple, but when placed in unusual contexts, they create funny or unexpected results. “People play with prepositions in creative ways,” Rosmary explained. “That’s why you’ll often find quirky sentences like ‘A pineapple on a skateboard in the rain’ random but oddly vivid.”
Those Who Made Bernie Sanders Impossible
Imagine a world in which the Democrats had elected Bernie over Hillary as candidate in 2016. Sigh.
Imagin if bernie was an actual democrat he would have got the nomination. Hillary got more votes that trump. If she had won the electoral college we would all be better off.
Load More Replies...Bernie actually IS for the people. His political party is Independent. The socialist party is when he Mayor of Burlington. Sanders had "changed the entire nature of politics in Burlington and also in the state of Vermont" (wiki)
And of course they always leave out the "Democratic" Socialist. Most people can't even tell you what that is. Corporate America has trained us to hate Socialism & equate it to Communism.
Load More Replies...Somewhere, in some universe, Bernie Sanders was elected president in 2016, and now there is a solid, healthy wave of democratic socialism reinvigorating the U.S., instead of the plague of fascism. I wish I lived in that universe.
Bernie is one of the rare elderly people who didn't become a conniving, hateful conservative. He continues to remain loyal to his People over Profit ideology.
Viva la France. Don't need to shoot anyone - just do some serious protesting.
Load More Replies...I wanted to write in Ozzy but well... Any chance we can get Snoop to run? We've had movie stars and a reality show host. Why not a musician? Edit: My son said Eminem would straighten this sh1t out quick.
The movie star and the reality show host were both disastrous. I hope we can recover.
Load More Replies...Increase Your Font Size By 1 Point Every Time You Respond
I send emails in all different sized fonts, with bold, italics, and underline all used randomly.
Alliance To Destroy Them With A Spinning Kick
When I first saw this pic before reading the heading, I thought that was Col. Sanders on that flag. 😂
Then there are participle phrases, which begin with verbs ending in ing or ed but act like adjectives. For example: “Smiling brightly, the child waved” or “Broken by years of use, the chair collapsed.” Rosmary pointed out that these create strong imagery and often lead to unusual combinations.
Im Going To Study Hard And Become A Doctor Just So I Can Abort His Next Girlfriend
Happy, I think. I personally cannot imagine a timeline in which he would be happy. These kinds are always unhappy about something.. even if they are successful (conventionally).
Load More Replies...They also aborted the taxi driver that ran you over on your way to your wedding.
they also aborted the woman with the suitcase full of money knocking on my door
Load More Replies...This is like those "god gave us a doctor who would have cured cancer but he was aborted" Facebook comics, but somehow worse
Or they aborted the child killer who would have m******d him when he was nine.
If only we could test for psychopathy in the womb, but just sterilize them.
Load More Replies...Hopefully his mother made the same choice as "her mother", in the rest of the other time lines.
Does anyone really spend their time thinking such absurd thoughts? Are there really no problems to think about?
S**t Your Pants
You have a *list* of fears? Amateur. My editor is reviewing volume five now, complaining that it needs to be split into at least three books as the machinery cannot handle that many pages.
Load More Replies...The lesson here: 💩 before you leave home, just like your mom always told you.
Dad Gets Huge Fright As Wife Washes T-Shirt With Their Baby's Face On It
That made me chuckle a bit too much. I think I need to consider starting therapy again. 😂
Load More Replies...I dear. I would have had a heart attack, but not before rippning that hatch right off.
She's doing it wrong! Turn t-shirt inside out to protect the image and wash gently cold water. I haven't been machines washing shirts like this for 61 years. Would you believe i had to take a class in this in Jr High school!
This hits too close to home. This happened to a child where I live. The adults did it a a 5 year old.
“These are the main types of phrases,” Rosmary concluded, “and they really form the foundation of English sentences. Once you learn them, you realize how limitless the language is.”
Know Your Value
That combination of what they are and what they are doing seems very en vogue to me
What I was thinking before reading the comments. Bring your cousin to work day. YUM
Load More Replies...My job (librarian) would be done by a small hedgehog. Or perhaps an owl...
Chill out, guys. It's lamb and beef and crocodile and guinea pig...Not pork.
Falling To Their Knees And Pulling Out Their T*****s
taters. surely it's taters. everybody loves taters.
Load More Replies...I Have A Hunch That Says 19th Century Prostitutes Didn't Practice Celibacy
In days of old, when knights were bold, and rubbers weren't invented You wrapped a sock around your c*ck and babies were prevented!
Very clever (speaking as one who had a sheltered upbringing)!!
Load More Replies...French letters were used, but.... abstinence, celibacy, just not in this context.
Hahaha I use Quora for the kpop spaces I recommend you use it if you like kpop!
Its been very clearly proven that "celibacy" is one of the least effective methods.
While phrases set the stage, creativity takes center stage. That’s why online communities thrive on collecting sentences that feel brand new. They remind us how language is alive, evolving, and capable of surprising us every single day.
And these never-before-heard sentences are such a fun addition to our collection of unique finds. How about you? Which one stood out the most? Let us know in the comments!
I Have Been Logged Out Of My Toothbrush
I asked the microwave about this, it checked with the toaster oven, and apparently this is true.
The icemaker we got to replace the crappy ice from the refrigerator and the fridge itself were wifi-capable. I toyed with the idea of turning them both on and starting a range war.
Load More Replies...It is not. It allegedly is meant to improve your brushing patterns by analyzing your brush velocity and range. It probably sends those data sneakily to your dentist, though...
Load More Replies...Why is there an account to begin with? Does the toothbrush not work without an account?
After some research: Apparently there are pressure sensors that monitor your brushing technique and alert you if it’s too much or too little. Over-brushing, or brushing too hard can wear away the enamel over time.
Load More Replies...This Is Just Magical
JKR's insane BS aside, I've always remembered what Dumbledore told Harry when Harry asked if his death experience was all in his head: "Of course it's in your head. But who should that mean it isn't real?"
I feel certain that Dumbledore would welcome and love trans people as much as he does everyone else.
Load More Replies...I'm no doctor, but if your prostate is in your a*s you need surgery.
Slab Of Sentient Ham
Had an aneurysm trying to read the profile. There's some brain cells I'll never get back
Piggybacking off the top comment to hopefully prevent as many future aneurysms as possible: "Love our country, love our Nige [Nigel Farage], hate woke & foreigners, simple as [that]"
Load More Replies...As a person without traditional beauty I get sad when nastiness is linked to looks That is solid bias in the world. Attack what they do, not how they look.
Like how the profile says he hates woke people and foreigners? Aka he's a racist jerk?
Load More Replies...Medically Approved H*e Limit
Depending on what you are there for it may be relevant as a number of virus, not just traditional std.s increases a lot with the numbers of sexual partners. That can be important info when looking at infertility issues, some cancers and even auto immune issues. However, the "just 6" alternative seems very sus. Spoof post?
If one is practicing safe s*x with many different partners, the increased risk of a virus or std wouldn't be a factor.
Load More Replies...Is that total or at one time? (Asking for a very attractive friend.)
"just 6" reminds me of an article where the average amount of push ups for a woman over 50 is: 6 (not the bra, the exercise)
I'm guessing that depends on if you count it or not
Load More Replies...This is hot nonsense and worth a complaint, especially if you are a cisgender woman. One key reason for the use of 6 as a reference point is that 6 lifetime sexual partners is near the median for men (people with p3ni5e5) in the US. According to CDC data from 2015–2019, the median number of lifetime partners for men aged 25–49 was 6.3. The problem is, no one has done any actual hard research on the breakpoint for the number of sexual partners where it becomes meaningful for exposure to infectious disease, and certainly not while including important variables and collective identities like generation, geography, s3x, gender, race, ethnicity, religion and religious practices, history of incarceration, and the list goes on. As healthcare consumers, we really owe it to ourselves to resist this sort of foolishness that contributes to bad science and bad statistics, because these things just come back at us as falsely touted "evidence-based" standards and recommendations.
Looks like some of us have some catching up to do.
Load More Replies...New Energy Saving Method Just Dropped
Ummm... I am not even sure what I just read? Fevered Dream, Online Fantasy, Fan Fiction, Acid Trip Memory... what?!
My Favorite People Are The Cops And My Boss
We’re the most propagandized people in world history. To top it all off, the propaganda is sophisticated and comes at us from multiple directions and appears to be coordinated. Social media, trad media, government, sports, companies, religion, politics, holidays, most everything. Americans live in fear, but are too afraid to admit it. There really aren’t separate political parties in the US either, but a continuum from ultrafascist to neoliberal. (There hasn’t been a significant democratic socialist movement, other than Sanders, since 1970). Democracy? Pshaw-other than the years from 1964 to 2000, US has always been a conservative, single party state.
South Africa had more political parties during freaking apartheid. I mean think about that for a sec.
Load More Replies...I was amazed how, after years of hearing about the 2nd amendment and fighting tyrants, the gunsquad had nothing better to do than storm the capitol on behalf of toddler tantruming that he did not lose the election and wanted to stay in power. It's all performative, meaningless posturing.
Not to mention all their concern about concentration camps and reeducation centers. Now they're okay with Alligator Alcatraz and building a new internment center where the Japanese were interned during WW II. The fact that they have to be built demonstrates all their allegation about FEMA were BS. I never thought I'd see a helicopter painted in camoflage circling our neighborhood, like I did during Operation Clean Sweep to round up immigrants. I've also noted aircraft circling the area that do not show up on public flight tracking web sites.
Load More Replies...I read that 65% of the National Guard would throw down their guns if ordered to shoot because it goes against the constitution. The rest are afraid to disobey an order because president schmuck is retaliatory.
The Ohio National Guard had no problems with blazing away at Kent State.
Load More Replies...It’s Supposed To Be A Democracy
I make some major decisions by making pros and cons lists and decide from there by which column is longer.
You really should add an impact column. Sometimes a pro has very little impact on your life and a con a big one (or the other way around). Then add it all up and decise based on the highest impact.
Load More Replies...Sometimes I make decisions by flipping a coin. But I don't look at the result, I already know what I want the answer to be when the coin is in the air. Try it
I don't know how people are able to function without debating with themselves ...🤷🏻♂️
The 11th Commandment
Catholic here. Seriously, priests can and do get excommunicated for breaking the seal of confession. If this is true, it isn't funny.
It is true, it's a Reddit post on r/LegalAdvice
Load More Replies...My knowledge is purely based on movies and tv shows and might be wildly incorrect, but in movies the priests are always like "No police officer, I will never share confessional information that can help you stop a serial m******r, I'd rather die than tell you what someone confessed, it's my sacred oath"
I remember watching a documentary about a child abusing priest. When they interviewed his superiors, they were more concerned he broke his vow of chastity than they were about him diddling children. They ended up shipping him off to Ireland to avoid US charges, and put him in charge of more children. Incidentally, chastity for Catholic priests was added much later in the religion, when they discovered that their clergymen were leaving their money to their wives and children when they died rather than the church. So, they added that part and called it some kind of revision from God, so the church got more money. The fact that Catholicism still exists and thrives is shameful to humanity.
I always thought that “coveting” referred to rápe. Apparently that was just me though.
Load More Replies...Do you think catholic priests think liking little boys is an unforgivable sin?
Dashcam Sightings Of Gwenyth Paltrow
On Friday she just at home in the dark with a single candle so she can meditate, relax and smell her vogina
Load More Replies...It's difficult to understand how Gwyneth is the daughter of Blythe Danner who was a good actor, an environmental activist, and a health care activist. Whereas, Gwyneth is just a tw@t selling nonsense products to gullible people.
Ima Overheating
"Brought to you by the new, more business-friendly Centers for Disease Control and Prevention."
Of course. But it is using my body to mine bitcoin to give to other people. Story of my life
The Answer Lies In What Kind Of Shoes He's Wearing
You can't miss me. I'm bald in shorts and sandals with an Alice in Chains shirt.
Don't let the beanie fool you lol. Also, it's cold in this picture. I think 2013. Me-Outside...f74354.jpg
My brother had a pony tail in school and looked like a photography grad student… because he was. He also has the thickest and most fantastic hair. His wife and I are extremely jealous. Edit: he works in IT now, ha
Load More Replies...I'm not sure, Loafers and lace lingerie doesn't really do it for me.
“AI-Generated Ads With My Face On Them”
But this is what AI is really all about, more advertising, it is a consumer based economy after all.
Load More Replies...I already don't like Facebook's AI thing creating new images of photos as a bait for me to click and see other images in different styles. The pictures they choose are never flattering and it's unsettling.
Leonardo Dicaprio Distances Self From 21st Century After It Turns 25
He really has become a legend with that 25yo phobia 🤣. A friend in his 50s got left by his wife and posted that he wanted a new relation and asked women half his age contacts him as he now had realized that he was drawn to youth. I called him Leonardo DiCaprio and he was royally pissed off. Now I am blocked, so dont know if those 20+ girls have lined up yet.
Why do some old men think that women half their age and less are going to want them? Even overlooking the creep factor, it's just so weird.
Load More Replies...To be picky, the 21st Century won't be 25 years old until January 1, 2026. (It began on January 1, 2001.)
The only reason a young woman would date a flabby man on the other side of middle age is for the money. Flabby and stupid.
Pope Hammer +4 Smite Damage
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!? Now I am hearing off-key tuba riffs all day...
Load More Replies...Now I'm curious to know if it ever worked. Like, "Ow! Wtf, cardinal?!"
Nono, it is not for testing whether they are dead. It is there to ensure they are dead.
Load More Replies...Depends how beloved that particular pope was.
Load More Replies...The idea is intriguing but it's a myth. The misconception may come from a historical ritual where the camerlengo would traditionally call the pope's baptismal name three times while gently tapping his forehead with a silver hammer. If there was no response, he was declared dead, though this practice was likely discontinued in the 20th century.
Or… hear me out… they’re testing to see if he’s about to come back as a zombie… (I’ve been bingeing Fear the Walking Dead and I know I’m late about it.)
Load More Replies...And if the Pope's eyes open on the 3rd tap, is a really solid 4th hit administered by the front runner replacement?
Robert The Union Contractor
I don't know what this is, but I do like how they specifically inserted Union. Three generations of my family were either union workers or union supporters. Most workers today don't have that "luxury" and are working underpaid so execs can make more profit.
This just reminded me that the labor unions in Chicago had a press conference today about how the National guard needs to stay the fúck away. I know I’ve brought this up in multiple posts but it’s terrifying and just one more rung on a ladder.
Load More Replies...Can we fix it? I dunno, it'll be hard, maybe we shouldn't even try....
Forget the "Jewish carpenter." A friend of mine is a Druid--he's a "Druish carpenter."
Flaunting Their Mobility
Oh, yes, those horrid mobile teenagers flaunting. Someone should make a law about it.
That would be Lake Michigan. It's the world's largest lake by area, that is located completely within a single country. I can just imagine trying to skim out the debris from Lake Michigan.
Stay away from Lake Superior, then. Or Michigan, or Huron, Erie...
There were "disgusting little things in the water" in a LAKE?! OMG! Idiot who wrote should stick to their own bathtub if they want pristine water! *smh* 🙄
An idiot leaving a bad review about Nature. Just spend your time in your neighborhood bar bc nature doesn't need morons like you.
Can I speak to the manager of the lake?? No. No, ma'am. He's only here between midnight and 4 a.m. and is not available to the public.
Wooden B***s
IDK. Clean penís usually tastes faintly like soap.
Load More Replies...What a great way to encourage men to be more disgusting and use this as a pickup line to get laid. It's baloney-both in theory and taste.
S**t Shaming This One Specific Little Crustacean
Why slútshame the fish though? I would be like "you go girl! Have all the fun you can have!"
Right? If she wants babies, who are humans to tell her she can't? Her little segmented body, her choice!!!
Load More Replies...Why shame her? She went and got herself some D, or the crustacean equivalent. Good for her!
Well, another name for those things are crawdads, so maybe the female one was looking for a crawdaddy...
It's ok to post sexist tweets and slot shaming but the words bolls, vogina and touching are censored
Good Luck On The Dp
Influencers trying to attract onlyfans subscribers. Two women recently competed for a world record and one got 3 STIs 🤷 I suspect no fathers and lots of substances
Load More Replies...You have to take things one schtup at a time.
Load More Replies...Beard Shavings To Make An Amulet...?
It’s strange that the current CEO of twitter is actually goofier than the previous CEO.
There is a theory that being exposed unfiltered to the accumulated human swamp that is Twitter is what drove former CEO Jack Dorsey to dissociate from the human experience to the extent that he clearly has. The corollary to this theory is that the current CEO has violently rejected all empathy because if he retained any, he would have clawed his eyeballs out - but the glimmer he retains in his subconscious is driving his frantic attempts to live on another planet, or at least populate this planet with AI to replace humanity.
Load More Replies..."Make your own headline!" __ CEO __ sent __ shavings to __ so she could make a(n) __ to protect him from __
Load More Replies...If this is true it's pretty darn scary. What a creep! Of course, he works for Musk so there's that
My husband swears I'm responsible for Trump. A cousin of mine worked for Mike Pence and apparently I should have gotten him to give me a hair of Trump's and given it to my witch friends.
His Hands Are Like Gelatin Desserts
Order online termites. I've seen memes of people buying mushroom kits to screwover bad landlords
Load More Replies...There are good landlords. Heck, there are great landlords. I know this from personal experience. The problem is slumlords, always has been. Only now they're morphed into faceless companies taking over greater territories slumlords could only dream about.
Not saying they're bad, but rather that some of them tend to abuse their position, while doing literal nothing (except for owning the place).
Load More Replies...Only Grows One When Needed
The first orifice to open in an embryo is the a n u s. So for a while, we're nothing but an a*****e. Unfortunately, some people never develop beyond this state.
The text on the white background is missing an indefinite article. That makes the deciphering more difficult.
The "Alpha Bros" Are Shaving Off Their Eyelashes Because Long Lashes Are Too Feminine
Eyelashes evolved that way as a protection against tiny foreign objects. Enjoy the pain.
It's all good. The more time they spend trying to pick foreign objects from their eyes, the less time they have to terrorize society with their nonsense
Load More Replies...As a dude who isn't afraid/hateful of women existing (and demanding to be treated respectfully), let me give you my 2 cents. 1) It's absolutely hysterical what new random thing these weirdos get their dîcks in a twist about every other day and 2) I've been complimented on my pretty long lashes by women (shock horror, I know) who told me they were actually envious and it gave me huge smile all day. But I guess if your beard can't outgrow your lashes it's a different story...
Well at least they will be easy to identify before they open their stupid mouths
We don’t claim them. Sell them to space aliens.
Load More Replies...Because nothing says, "im not feminine " like booking an appointment to have your eyelashes dedicated shaped
That's the second area on my body where I wouldn't allow any moving electrical appliances to get near.
Tesla Autopilot Drove Into Wile E. Coyote-Style Fake Road Wall
I don't like Musk or Tesla, but every post getting the "Fool Self Driving" comment is getting old. Not everything on BP needs to be repeated eleven times a day.
Load More Replies...Bring back Cadillac's FLIR. Forward Looking Infra Red. Not Night Vision, but it could see living bodies and stop itself
We Can Save Pngs To Birds
Now I need to write a story where a secret resistance group communicates via bird-coded secret messages
Fantastic idea! 😎 Also upvoted because you'd written that you'd write the story, instead of the overused and annoying "someone should ____" that I see too often.
Load More Replies...Suzanne Collins beat you to it. It's in Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes.
This May Sound Strange To A Native Transsexual
Never Thought About It Like That
My ex fiance is a gnob gobblin... I should have got her a binky
Load More Replies...Back in the day, people would suddenly blurt out nonsense in front of friends and family and been shocked they said it out loud. Now audio farts are posted on social media going out to the world.
Incident
Oh, great! Now they're probably screening MY DMs!
Load More Replies...The Bell Will Tell Me What I Need
yes, like the secret 7 herbs in the Frankfurter Green Sauce (no, not soylent green, DA)
Load More Replies...It really doesn't matter what you order at Taco Bell because the result is always the same.
I love real Mexican food and Tex-Mex, but there's something about Taco Bell that just hits the spot every now and then.
The Gay Penguin Weddings At The Local Zoo
“I Tried Evolution, Didn’t Like It.”
I’m pretty sure a defining characteristic of humans is that we *can* stand on two legs just fine? Correct me if I’m wrong.
Wait until you are 70 years old and see if you can still stand upright without any back pain issues.
Load More Replies...Ok, but if humans had tails, would you be allowed to let it hang out, or would you have to cover it up?
Every Other Princess Emerged From Some Kind Of Primordial Soup
I Literally Just Wanted To Stop Spending Insane Amounts Of Money On Stew, I Wasn’t Trying To Hurt Him Or Ruin His Life
Being autistic doesn't mean you get a free pass to act like an immature a$$hole. She needs to dump him and find someone sane.
I'm autistic and if I act like this much of a selfish dropkick that's 100% on me.
Load More Replies...Einstein had a friend who died because he refused to eat anything his wife didnt cook. After she died. Mental illness is real
Load More Replies...He loves stew but hates leftovers? My gran did a stew that lasted through the winter. She had a coal-fired kitchen range and in one compartment was a huge iron pot full of stew. Once so much had been eaten she'd add more meat and veg, top up with stock and keep it going. It just tasted better and better as winter went on.
Stews and soups are always better the next day bc all the flavors steep a bit longer.
Load More Replies...This will get worse. She should get away. She will je blamed for all that is wrong in his life. Next fit can hurt her.
Munch On His Tangerine Candyfloss
Munch on his tangerine candyfloss............................................................ only line that really made me laugh and giggle
Can someone please explain why is there such hatred against people with red hair? I've never understood it. Red is a very pretty color and its just hair. It has no bearing on what your face or body will look like.
Is Ed Sheeran a generally loved personality or a hated one? Genuinely want to know.
As a 70 year old jazz pianist, I have studied music and composed for years. I am still at a loss as to why performers with minimal talent become successful.
Load More Replies...One part of the Axis of Musical Evil. See also Adele and Coldplay. Bland middle-of-the-road music marketed to people who don't like music.
Never Heard Of A Rotisserie Chicken Taking A Shower Before
We once lived in a place where I could mop the whole bathroom floor by sitting on the toilet and using my leg as the mop handle with a rag on my foot. corner to corner. It had tile on the walls to the ceiling. Coldest bathroom-brrrrr
Load More Replies...I don't see the point. I don't want my whole body being hit with water all the time I'm in the shower. I need some parts to be out of the water so I can soap them up while other parts stay in to stay warm and cozy. This would be useless. Plus there's a freaking handle for EACH shower head. What an obnoxious amount of work just to shower. No thanks!
You noticed the handles thing too. Yah, what a PITA.
Load More Replies...Why would you need to rotate when the water is already hitting every part of you at once? I'm more interested to know why there's a picture of Nacho Libre on the shower wall. Haha
Trans Inclusive Hater
Saw a low budget horror movie with Shatner as a radio DJ - it felt like he had read the script a minute ago and totally owned it. He's not a bad actor, he's an actor with a very specific delivery that works only in specific genres/situations.
Load More Replies...Trans hater? So, we're all supposed to like his acting simply bc he's trans? The fact that the "trans hater" used the correct pronouns proves this was their opinion on acting abilities. And I tend to agree.
Tbh, I know "they" officially made the choice to transition, but I always felt like "they" were a little more masculine before switching and my brain naturally categorized this person as male, or maybe just butch and male by proxy. Seems like a distraction now to watch Hard Candy and Juno
Best thing about the show, though a couple of other characters were fun (the knives guy had a snarky girlfriend).
Load More Replies...Power Bottom Aladdin
"What Is A Sauce But Slime With A Purpose?"
A general term for a viscous and sometimes sticky and/or smelly liquid of dubious origin
Load More Replies...What Was The Neolithic Equivalent Of Cia Gangstalking
Imagine going into a therapist's office and talking about how a flaming bush told you to carry out his word.
Load More Replies...There are whole books about this, how delusions changed in history .. quite interesting
The Pro What?!
Alphas with short eyelashes. Still afraid of women. Drinks on me next time, ladies. [edit: confusing, but I mean ladies of the boxing club] https://www.espn.com/espnw/culture/the-buzz/article/14718601/
Oh ffs!! 🤦🏻♂️ I'd advise these guys to just go and get themselves a hooker, but they probably have so little charm that they couldn't get laid in a brothel. And if by some miracle they did, they'd probably off the pro after she rejected their marriage proposal, which they'd make simply because they're to stupid to distinguish between paid s*x and actual mutual attraction. So it's a loose-loose situation all 'round.
I still call them all incels bc they're all afraid of women. What did your mothers do to you boys that makes you so pathologically frightened?
Under No Circumstances…
Probably they never thought about it before, but the temptation once this sign is posted must be almost irresistible.
I mean, yeah. I made a whole bunch of sticky rice last night. Guess what I want to do with it since reading this.
Load More Replies...Rice goes quite well with duck, particularly with the right sauce.
"Genetically Perfecting A Pitbull Into A Cruise Missile For Babies"
At least this way it will have a harder time mauling and killing the neighborhood children.
I Cheat, Get Caught, Pray Together And Blame The Devil
Isn't that just an extension of normal Catholic behaviour? Sin, confess, gain absolution, repeat ad nauseum...
That's sort of the plot point for Christianity in general.
Load More Replies...She looks like the young version of an old friend. 6 kids. Some women like to do it. Met a 23 yo with 4 kids. Noped away from that.
The right wing pseudo Christians have somehow made the term "Christian" to mean unintelligent and bigoted. Therefore , non Christians ( which btw are totally ok with the real deal) put us all under the same ugly umbrella. The extremists' in religion and politics grab the most media attention. Not all of us who identify as Christian are the same .
Anime Recommendation
"Good Version Of 9/11"
I often debate with myself whether I consider his brand of "entertainment" ethical or not.
I have the same debate...on the one hand he's not actively causing harm but on the other he's kinda monetizing generosity in a weirdly unethical way
Load More Replies...Honestly Sounds Like A Better Time
I mean... they're not wrong. I never quite got the concept of Hooters or Strip Clubs (in a modern setting, anyways). Bunch of guys decided to all chip in so they can go somewhere and get h***y together. I've slept with men that aren't as gay as that sounds.
I remember hearing a stand-up comedian once who was talking about the concept of strip clubs. Something like, "You know, looking at pictures of naked women in this 'gentleman's magazine' just isn't frustrating enough, I want to go look at some *real live* women that I can't have."
Load More Replies...Gen Z Amish Kid Named Skibidiah
Some people get their kids names from a book, and some pull them right out of their a*s.
“These Parents Really Looked At Their V****a Fresh Child”
Men Microdose Bicuriousness By Asking What You’d Do For A Million Dollars
"Hey, you wanna have s*x with me tonight?" "No." "What about if I give you a million dollars?" "Well, OK, I guess" "how about a quick b*****b right now for ten dollars?" "No, what sort of person do you think I am?" "We've already established what sort of person you are, now we're just haggling over the price.
Don't See That Everyday
Seems implausible. Great big ocean, 2 boats much smaller in comparison. plus all the innovative tech onboard. But marine traffic can get pretty congested.
I Know Neurodivirgin Isn't Chiming In
"I Love Owls, But I Hate Nazis"
"Missouri Trains* 'Snitch Form' Down After People Spammed It With The 'Bee Movie' Script." *had To Change It So The Bots Would Let Me Post
Remember my US comrades: if you wanna spam a snitch hotline, make reports that LOOK legit but are complete bogus. Obvious trolls like the BM script are easy to filter out, but if the info looks legit, they'll have to look into it and waste their time.
Ok so a US state decided to create a hotline to report trans people for ??? And to mess with them people spammed the tipline with the script from A Bee Movie.
Load More Replies...“There’s An Egirl Yearning In The Sea That’s Supposed To Move Things From The Other Team”
Blood Ain’t Thicker Than That A*s
Insane Coworker Lore Drop
That's one way to k**l a conversation. And a large group of people.
Polite conversation is boring - these are the stories I want to hear from people - give us the jaw droppers and real moments
Load More Replies...Despite The Embarrassment Of Both Parties Involved, Armpits Is Feet
Reference to a meme in which Calvin's dad explains that everything in a certain category can be sorted into sections (such as video games being sorted into "menus" and "parkour").
Load More Replies...Profoundly Mid Angloid Peasant Phenotype
Yet another @$$hole desperately in need of a hard sharp knee to the nuts. (The commenter, not the person in the picture.)
Pretty sure this is from one of those "roast me" threads...
Load More Replies...Disappeared Into An Insta-T**t-Shaped Cloud Of Dust Going “Meep Meep”
I am not english native and with all those words censored honestly I am confused
He is also a deeply weird, far-right manosphere Curtis Yarvin type, as well as a self-described "master manipulator." 🤢
Why publish it with half the content gone?????????????????????????????????
For those confused the word is TH0T. That Hottie Over There.
Is that what that stands for? I didn't even know that bit of slang was meant to be an acronym. Trust incels to think "I find that woman attractive, so she must be a s**t" is a normal, logical thought and create a new word for it.
Load More Replies...Common phrase to the contrary, it could have happened to a nicer guy.
... Get Zooted On Loud And Get My Back Blown Out
Is this supposed to be funny just because nobody has a clue what it's supposed to mean?
Gen X here. I think an approximate interpretation would be, "I came to college eager to party my a*s off and get my twàt bagged out. I found out I'm a 5 out of 10 with a shítty personality".
Load More Replies...In the middle of the scale for attractiveness. I guess she believed that she was attractive but moved to somewhere with extremely attractive people.
Load More Replies...These would be a lot funnier if the headline didn't scream the punchline at you before you had a chance to read the joke. It feels like a kid is trying to show me something and awkwardly walking me through the whole thing and explaining every step to make sure I got it. Kid-splaining.
Me neither. And I have two freaking degrees.
Load More Replies...Honestly, that individual and the term "charming" don't typically appear in the same paragraph let alone sentence.
Load More Replies...These would be a lot funnier if the headline didn't scream the punchline at you before you had a chance to read the joke. It feels like a kid is trying to show me something and awkwardly walking me through the whole thing and explaining every step to make sure I got it. Kid-splaining.
Me neither. And I have two freaking degrees.
Load More Replies...Honestly, that individual and the term "charming" don't typically appear in the same paragraph let alone sentence.
Load More Replies...
