“That’s How I Knew I Was Raising A 40-Year-Old”: 40 Of The Funniest X Posts About Parenting (April Edition)

Same, kiddo. Same.

my son tells me to calm down and breathe from his car seat in the back.

I swapped places with a kid from another school and wound up six hours away from home on a field trip to the Huntsville space and rocket center. There were like three kids in their group I just immediately clicked with and I just wanted to keep hanging out. So I paid one of their classmates 8 dollars to swap. Can't for the life of me remember the names of the kids I hung out with. Guy I swapped with was named Brent, but I didn't get to know him very well.

I don't see a problem there

Weekend?

Of course they're real. They're people, aren't they?

Boozy Bunny!

Wise beyond his years! (And eventually, you find yourself being stalked by your birthdays. Then comes being ambushed by your birthdays, and if you're lucky, you get to the point where they're as relentless and unstoppable as a loan shark's collection goomba.)

BWAHAHAHAHAHA

One of my core childhood memories is being super proud of myself for being able to spell Halloween.

Lol My mom carved a "K" in her father's desk when she was a kid. Blamed it on her brothers. Mom's name was Karen; brothers were Richard and Hal. Lol

Why do butts have a peach crack?

One thing I got right as a parent.. used to do 'find the basket' on Easter morning. Writing 3 or 4 clues and hiding them around the house. One clue led to another, etc..

But but but jelly beans are lush !! From a 60 yr old woman lol , I love em

What? Doesn't *everyone*?

Hey, guess what...

Women who involve their little girls into our older woman friend talk is beyond annoying. I don’t think the moms realize this.

LA LA LA LAVAAA!!

To a kid this is natural and sensible. Only adults apply the racist labels, which is proof that bigotry has to be taught.

Kids know more than you think they do...

"When one door opens, another door opens." My first car was just like that.

Our Grandsons favorite task when they are done with a vid chat is 'pushing the red button'. "Byeseeya!"

That's pretty good parenting.

I am guessing that durag is an alternate spelling of "do-rag" a handkerchief/bandana/'rag' tied to cover and protect the hairdo aka 'do'.

When my daughter was starting to get suspicious about the tooth fairy she hid a tooth under her pillow, made sure to tell us, and then locked her bedroom door when she went to bed. Fortunately her brother was able to get the door open so my wife could take the tooth and put the money under the pillow.

My son was about that age - 3.5 - when he looked at me and said, "That certainly was very generous of you." --- Scared the heck out of me! hahaha

Life goals.

And repeats. Don’t forget repeats. Loudly. In public.

My son has picked out so many pieces of my clothing like this! I trust his judgement haha

so real

What a difference in the 2 year age gap

Don't worry, the other parents are propably pretending too

It doesn't smell tasty; it smells nostalgic. Nothing about its smell makes me want to eat it.

🤣🤣🤣

me and my dad lmfao. i call him bruh and bro, as well as by his first name.

Meester Clippy.

Well, it contains Milk, and Flour, and Eggs... So they're basically correct.

"Dude, have you seen the cafeteria's OTHER choices??!?"

I need a Bored Panda decoder ring to decipher some of these censored words.

Exactly this !! I’m with your son lol I WILL USE MY WORDS THANK YOU MUCHLY !!! no one else’s !

🤣🤣🤣

the zombie ones or the mad max ones?

Get used to paying your taxes, kid. Unless of course you don’t like good roads, an adequate number of police and firefighters, bridges that won’t collapse when more than one car is on them, etc, etc, etc. Tax revenue pays for the public services we all want, so pay your fair share of taxes folks. Protest waste and corruption, of course. That’s a no-brainer. But keep the necessary stuff well funded. Don’t try to wiggle out of paying your fair share, because that’s a real a*****e move—-unless of course you will never drive on OUR roads, over OUR bridges, call OUR police or firefighters, and take any advantage of all the other services the REST of us are paying for.

"Cleaning the house / While your child is still growing / Is like shoveling the walk / Before it quits snowing." -- Erma Bombeck

I had a friend who was one of five kids. Their father died when they were all little, so it was up to their mother, who never remarried, to work full time (secretary at a local college) and raise them by herself. My friend told me his mother would always be the first one up in the morning, at least an hour before everyone else. She would get everything set up for the kids for that day, then make some coffee, and sit in the living room, drinking her coffee in the pitch black dark for about a half hour before the kids started waking up. He said he asked her why she’d sit in the dark like that, and she said at that hour it’s quiet and calm, so she didn’t want to turn on any lights and risk waking anyone up, because she needed that half hour of quiet to collect her thoughts and just have some peace before all her kids started stirring and another busy day began. When he told me that, I immediately understood her need for peace and quiet before starting her day. I don’t have five kids, but I like to have my morning coffee in peace too, before everyone starts demanding my attention. Starts the day out better.

Well, Millennial, we just say Millennial.

We should all retain the memories of being children. What we did, how we felt, things like that. It can make us aware of what our own kids can get up to, and more empathetic toward them, because we were there, and did, and felt, the exact same at that age too. Our kids never believe us, because just like we did with our own parents, and they did with their parents, and son all the way back to when we lived in caves, they think they’re the inventors of it, the very first to ever do, think, feel that way. It will be decades before they realize it too, just like us. Rite of passage, I guess.

So true!

OK, kid. Tomorrow you go out and get a full time job. While you’re doing that, I’ll put a contract together for your rent and bills, and have you sign that from now on, you are solely responsible for your own upbringing. If you save enough for a deposit and first month’s rent, I’ll help you get an apartment so you can move out and be 100% independent. What? That’s not what you meant? Well baby, that’s what comes along with living your own life and making your own decisions. You can’t just pick and choose what you want to do, you have to take the whole package or nothing. If you don’t want to do that, then you need to let me and daddy make those decisions for you until you feel like you’re ready to take it all on by yourself.OK?

My son does that to his piano teacher at the end of his lessons. "Follow Eloise on YouTube and don't forget to like and subscribe"

My grown son does not like anyone killing bugs... So, whenever I see one I tell him one of his friends is in the house again. And he comes and takes it outside. <3

Tell her to beware the ides of March.

Can you grab one for me, please?

Bluey

You know, the child may be reincarnated from someone who starved to death, and is still young enough to be aware of the memory. It is pretty cool how some kids have such clear, and in many cases verifiable, memories of past lives. And deaths. The stories are wild.

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Did the kid add in the usual pointed finger at you whilst saying it?!

Briefly.

My youngest couldn't have been that old, but I asked her what mummy's favourite drink was and she said coffee. My mother-in-law asked what her daddy's favourite drink was and she shouted BEER! My MIL was not amused as she was a teetotaler. I on the other hand almost pìssed myself from laughing.