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What makes a great dad joke? A cheesy pun, a perfectly timed one-liner, and a delivery so awkward it’s hilarious. Whether your dad is trying to make you laugh or cringe, these funny dad jokes never fail. They’re the kind of humor that sticks, equally embarrassing and endearing.
In this list, you’ll find some of the best dad jokes of all time, including fresh picks for dad jokes 2024 and even early contenders for dad jokes 2025. We’ve also included plenty of dad jokes for adults that bring the same groan-worthy charm with a grown-up twist.
Scroll down for our top picks, vote for your favorites, and tell us in the comments which ones made you laugh or roll your eyes the hardest.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Classic Dad Jokes That Never Get Old
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
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#2
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
#3
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
#5
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
#6
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
#7
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
#8
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
#11
So Bad They’re Good: The Cheesiest Ones
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
#12
What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language
#13
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
#14
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
#15
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
#16
When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
Dian Ella Lillie 6 years ago
There's an interesting fact about the cemetery in my area - it's the dead centre of the town.
#17
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
#18
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.
#19
Sir Arthur's Knights
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
#20
MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."
A Deeper Purpose Behind Dad Jokes
It’s easy to write off the best dad jokes ever as being corny. However, some experts believe such jokes have a deeper purpose. According to The Conversation, dads feel more like fatherly figures when telling such jokes. While the dads get their dose of humor, children learn to deal with embarrassment. These factors help develop a healthy father-child relationship.
Even the most corny dad jokes can have long-lasting effects on adult children. According to the ABC7 report, jokes like these can help a child become a better human being and a more confident adult. As they “build up” immunity to embarrassment, children are more willing to open up and be themselves.
So, instead of getting red from embarrassment, appreciate your dose of the dad joke of the day. Not only are you bringing joy to your parent, but you also develop a confident personality. When you reach adulthood, you’ll have your own collection of dad jokes to tell your friends.
#21
Quick One-Liners To Catch You Off Guard
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
#23
Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
#26
Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
Adam Cantor 6 years ago
That ok, today i heard Youtube, Twitter, and Facebook are all merging. They're going to call it You-Twit-Face.
#27
Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
#28
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
#29
KID: "Dad, make me a sandwich!" DAD: "Poof, you’re a sandwich!”
#30
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
#31
Puns That Deserve A Standing Dad-Ovation
SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”
#32
What has two butts and kills people? An assassin
#33
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY
#34
CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”
#35
What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
#36
When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”
#37
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
Christopher Dixon 6 years ago
Wow guys. He will be rolling (joints made out of pot) while in his grave. Please man, just...just get it.
#39
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
What is the Oldest Dad Joke?
Like with everything, there is a specific starting point for jokes. While we might not know the first dad joke to be told, we might get a hint at the genre it was in. Fart jokes want to or not date back to the Sumerians. According to Reuters, a fart joke dates back to 1900 B.C. While you might have it in your list of jokes to tell your dad, keep it around to get the upper hand in a corny humor standoff.
#41
Jokes For Grown-Up Kids
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
#42
GRANDPA: I have a 'dad bod', DAD: To me it's more like a father figure.
#43
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
#44
When a dad drives past a cow pasture: LOOK! That cow is OUT-STANDING in his field!
#46
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
#47
When you ask a dad if he's alright: "No, I’m half left.”
Alex Bailey 6 years ago
Defo my dad. If you said 'what?' To him he would also say 'no I'm not hot thanks'.
#48
KID: "Hey, I was thinking…" DAD: "I thought I smelled something burning.”
#49
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
#50
New School Dad Jokes For 2024–2025
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
#52
SON: *hands my Dad his 50th birthday card*, DAD: You know, one would have been enough.
#54
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don’t serve food here."
Dian Ella Lillie 6 years ago
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
#56
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
#58
To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch.
#59
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
#60
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
#61
Unexpected Zingers You Didn’t See Coming
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
#63
When you ask a dad if they got a haircut: "No, I got them all cut!"
bailey gough 6 years ago
What did the guy say when he arrived in Antartica? Well that wasn't a warm welcome
#64
Where did the college-aged vampire like to shop? Forever 21.
Spirit Animations 6 years ago
*a vampire that could use their time being immortal to research cancer* you know what? I'm going to the mall today!
#65
GROCERY STORE CHECKER: "Paper or plastic?" DAD: "Either, I’m bisacktual.”
#66
What did the horse say after it tripped? "Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
#67
You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.
#68
Why wasn't the woman happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total ripoff.
#69
What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.
#70
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
#72
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
#73
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!
Deacon DeSchepper 6 years ago
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#74
You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there? European.
#76
WAITRESS: "Soup or salad?" DAD: "I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.”
Scott1983 Cawthon 6 years ago
I actually misunderstood someone saying SUPERSALAD but they were just saying soup or salad
#78
What does an angry pepper do? It gets jalapeño your face.
#79
As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
#80
Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable.
Dian Ella Lillie 6 years ago
"Did you hear the one about the bed?" "No." "That's because it hasn't been made up yet!"
#81
The Ultimate Eye-Rollers
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
#82
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino.
David Geurtsen 4 years ago
No no no....it’s What do you get if you cross a hippopotamus, an elephant, and a rhinoceros? Helephino (hell if I know) BUT...this does use the word ‘hell’ in this version. Wait, didn’t the original infer the word ‘hell’?
#83
I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie. Man, they really grilled me.
#85
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."
Charlie Holmes 6 years ago
This is one of my all-time favorites. When my kids were young(er), I would tell this joke every evening at the supper table. I did that for over a year, so I'm sure it'll be passed down to my grandkids and, hopefully, generations after. At least I'll have a legacy. 8^] I've always spoken the punchline using my best John Wayne impersonation.
#86
I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
#87
You heard of that new band 1023MB? They're good but they haven't got a gig yet.
#88
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
#89
Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
Marc Stevens 5 years ago
They repealed that law. They discovered it was more important that the cows had a well-rounded diet.
#90
Question & Answer Jokes That Keep You Guessing
What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.
Aidan Rance 6 years ago
I'm fetta-p with bad food puns, even i'm not that old! You'll need a stronger start if you want to keep up with me. lol
#91
DAD, TO A SINGER: "Don’t forget a bucket." SINGER: "Why?" DAD: "To carry your tune."
#92
I told my 14 year old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a stupid name for a computer game. I think it is just too weak.
#93
How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
#94
How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.”
#95
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
#96
Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
#97
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!
Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
Even a little horse deserves a bucket of water at least. Stop animal cruelty!
#99
What do you call a fish with two knees? A “two-knee” fish.
What do you think ?
K. LNU 6 years ago
Anyone else keep hearing the "ba-dum-dum *cymbal crash" after each one? lol
Maria Windsor 5 years ago
YESSSSSS lol in real life actually my lil bro was at his drumset when I was reading these aloud and he made that sound after each one :P lol!!!!!!!!!!!!
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K. LNU 6 years ago
Anyone else keep hearing the "ba-dum-dum *cymbal crash" after each one? lol
Maria Windsor 5 years ago
YESSSSSS lol in real life actually my lil bro was at his drumset when I was reading these aloud and he made that sound after each one :P lol!!!!!!!!!!!!
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