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The Best And The Funniest Dad Jokes
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Trying to determine what makes a good (or bad) dad joke is not so easy, but there are some certain ingredients that we can name. First of all, the one-liner has to be administered by a dad (not necessarily your own), it has to be both corny and somewhat amusing, and most of all it just has to have a hackneyed pun to make it the best joke ever. Although not everyone is a big fan of that type of comedy gold, there is a certain amount of appreciation any person can have for a well-timed funny pun. Especially if it's followed by thunderous laughter from the person and the classic finger-guns pose.
Oh, and if you're a dad joke aficionado like we are, you might be surprised to know, as to where these inappropriate jokes stem from. So, the first theory is because your beloved father just feels nostalgic to those times when you were little and laughed at just about anything. The other approach for these hilarious jokes is a much more anticipated one - your father wants to embarrass you as much as he can while he can. And that's precisely what these funny jokes are meant to do.
Scroll down below to see some of the best funny dad jokes around and don't forget to comment and vote for your favorites.
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Can I Have A Book Mark?
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Sense Of Direction
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Perfect Pun
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
Holy Water
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Trippy Shoes
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
Origin Of French Fries
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
Nap Time Puns
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Donald Duck
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Concepts Of Gravity
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
Nobody Knows
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
Which Came First?
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
Least Spoken Language
What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language
Conversation Starter
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
Pie Rates
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Single Handedly The Best
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Dying To Get There
When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
There's an interesting fact about the cemetery in my area - it's the dead centre of the town.
Meaning Well
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
Serving Justice
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.
Sir Arthur's Knights
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
Logical Explanation
MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."
Silent P
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
Vegetarian Zombie
What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”
Excited For Spring
Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
Witnessing A Robery
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
Company Mergers
Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
That ok, today i heard Youtube, Twitter, and Facebook are all merging. They're going to call it You-Twit-Face.
Untrustworthy Particles
Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
Name-Giving
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
Magician Dad
KID: "Dad, make me a sandwich!" DAD: "Poof, you’re a sandwich!”
Invisible Man
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
Server's Nightmare
SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”
No More Butts
What has two butts and kills people? An assassin
Happy Anniversary
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY
Would You Like A Bag?
CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”
Pros And Cons
What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
Ice Cream Truck
When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”
Ever Rolling
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
Wow guys. He will be rolling (joints made out of pot) while in his grave. Please man, just...just get it.
Math Problems
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
Feeling Tired
Why couldn't the bike standup by itself? It was two tired.
Funny Dad Jokes
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
Funny Dad Jokes
GRANDPA: I have a 'dad bod', DAD: To me it's more like a father figure.
Funny Dad Jokes
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
Funny Dad Jokes
When a dad drives past a cow pasture: LOOK! That cow is OUT-STANDING in his field!
Funny Dad Jokes
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
Funny Dad Jokes
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
Funny Dad Jokes
When you ask a dad if he's alright: "No, I’m half left.”
Defo my dad. If you said 'what?' To him he would also say 'no I'm not hot thanks'.
Funny Dad Jokes
KID: "Hey, I was thinking…" DAD: "I thought I smelled something burning.”
Funny Dad Jokes
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Funny Dad Jokes
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
Funny Dad Jokes
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
Funny Dad Jokes
SON: *hands my Dad his 50th birthday card*, DAD: You know, one would have been enough.
Funny Dad Jokes
When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.
Funny Dad Jokes
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don’t serve food here."
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
Funny Dad Jokes
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Funny Dad Jokes
To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch.
Funny Dad Jokes
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
Funny Dad Jokes
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
Funny Dad Jokes
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
Funny Dad Jokes
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.
Funny Dad Jokes
When you ask a dad if they got a haircut: "No, I got them all cut!"
What did the guy say when he arrived in Antartica? Well that wasn't a warm welcome
Funny Dad Jokes
Where did the college-aged vampire like to shop? Forever 21.
*a vampire that could use their time being immortal to research cancer* you know what? I'm going to the mall today!
Funny Dad Jokes
GROCERY STORE CHECKER: "Paper or plastic?" DAD: "Either, I’m bisacktual.”
Funny Dad Jokes
What did the horse say after it tripped? "Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
Funny Dad Jokes
You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.
Funny Dad Jokes
Why wasn't the woman happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total ripoff.
Funny Dad Jokes
What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.
Funny Dad Jokes
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Funny Dad Jokes
What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.
Funny Dad Jokes
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
Funny Dad Jokes
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Funny Dad Jokes
You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there? European.
Funny Dad Jokes
I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.
Funny Dad Jokes
WAITRESS: "Soup or salad?" DAD: "I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.”
I actually misunderstood someone saying SUPERSALAD but they were just saying soup or salad
Funny Dad Jokes
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Funny Dad Jokes
What does an angry pepper do? It gets jalapeño your face.
Funny Dad Jokes
As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
Funny Dad Jokes
Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable.
"Did you hear the one about the bed?" "No." "That's because it hasn't been made up yet!"
Funny Dad Jokes
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
Funny Dad Jokes
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino.
No no no....it’s What do you get if you cross a hippopotamus, an elephant, and a rhinoceros? Helephino (hell if I know) BUT...this does use the word ‘hell’ in this version. Wait, didn’t the original infer the word ‘hell’?
Funny Dad Jokes
I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie. Man, they really grilled me.
Funny Dad Jokes
If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”. They get really pissed off.
Funny Dad Jokes
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."
This is one of my all-time favorites. When my kids were young(er), I would tell this joke every evening at the supper table. I did that for over a year, so I'm sure it'll be passed down to my grandkids and, hopefully, generations after. At least I'll have a legacy. 8^] I've always spoken the punchline using my best John Wayne impersonation.
Funny Dad Jokes
I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
Funny Dad Jokes
You heard of that new band 1023MB? They're good but they haven't got a gig yet.
Funny Dad Jokes
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
Funny Dad Jokes
Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
They repealed that law. They discovered it was more important that the cows had a well-rounded diet.
Funny Dad Jokes
What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.
I'm fetta-p with bad food puns, even i'm not that old! You'll need a stronger start if you want to keep up with me. lol
Funny Dad Jokes
DAD, TO A SINGER: "Don’t forget a bucket." SINGER: "Why?" DAD: "To carry your tune."
Funny Dad Jokes
I told my 14 year old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a stupid name for a computer game. I think it is just too weak.
Funny Dad Jokes
How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
Funny Dad Jokes
How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.”
Funny Dad Jokes
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Funny Dad Jokes
Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
Funny Dad Jokes
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!
Even a little horse deserves a bucket of water at least. Stop animal cruelty!
Funny Dad Jokes
What do you call a fish with two knees? A “two-knee” fish.
Anyone else keep hearing the "ba-dum-dum *cymbal crash" after each one? lol
YESSSSSS lol in real life actually my lil bro was at his drumset when I was reading these aloud and he made that sound after each one :P lol!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you get when a sheep, drum and a snake fall off a cliff? Baa-dum-hiss...
Yes ha ha ha ha
for sure
My sister & her hubby are having their first. I gave him joke books wrapped in ribbon as a New Dad's Prep Kit. They laughed and he tossed out some real groaners - he's already well on the way to annoying the heck out of my new niece!
Ha that's great lol
I'm definitely guilty of using a few of these. Such fun
Anyone else keep hearing the "ba-dum-dum *cymbal crash" after each one? lol
YESSSSSS lol in real life actually my lil bro was at his drumset when I was reading these aloud and he made that sound after each one :P lol!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you get when a sheep, drum and a snake fall off a cliff? Baa-dum-hiss...
Yes ha ha ha ha
for sure
My sister & her hubby are having their first. I gave him joke books wrapped in ribbon as a New Dad's Prep Kit. They laughed and he tossed out some real groaners - he's already well on the way to annoying the heck out of my new niece!
Ha that's great lol
I'm definitely guilty of using a few of these. Such fun