Trying to determine what makes a good (or bad) dad joke is not so easy, but there are some certain ingredients that we can name. First of all, the one-liner has to be administered by a dad (not necessarily your own), it has to be both corny and somewhat amusing, and most of all it just has to have a hackneyed pun to make it the best joke ever. Although not everyone is a big fan of that type of comedy gold, there is a certain amount of appreciation any person can have for a well-timed funny pun. Especially if it's followed by thunderous laughter from the person and the classic finger-guns pose.

Oh, and if you're a dad joke aficionado like we are, you might be surprised to know, as to where these inappropriate jokes stem from. So, the first theory is because your beloved father just feels nostalgic to those times when you were little and laughed at just about anything. The other approach for these hilarious jokes is a much more anticipated one - your father wants to embarrass you as much as he can while he can. And that's precisely what these funny jokes are meant to do.

Scroll down below to see some of the best funny dad jokes around and don't forget to comment and vote for your favorites.

#1

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

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JillVille 10 months ago

So sorry Brian, one day he'll get it! lol

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#2

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

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Last Hurrah 10 months ago

Right on!

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#3

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

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JillVille 10 months ago

Groan - nice one!

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#4

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

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Last Hurrah 10 months ago

Freeze it and then drill holes in it.

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#5

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

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glowworm2 10 months ago

Ha! I like this one.

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#6

Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

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Molly Tallmadge 10 months ago

^&*((&^%%^&*( IT!

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#7

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

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Iván Galarraga 10 months ago

"I REST MY CASE!"

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#8

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

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Alexis Nobuyuki 10 months ago

Pfft! Corny

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#9

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

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Iván Galarraga 10 months ago

You must obey gravity, it's the law

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#10

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

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Iván Galarraga 10 months ago

He's on third base, no wait, that's I don't know

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#11

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know

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Lynn Noyes 10 months ago

Re the riddle, eggs came first. Dinosaurs laid eggs.

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#12

What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language

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Rebekah 10 months ago

Dammit - you got me.

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#13

My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

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Misterscooter 10 months ago

Ha!

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#14

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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Dian Ella Lillie 10 months ago

"Jamaica pie?" "Nah, that's a Bahama split."

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#15

My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

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JillVille 10 months ago

Teehee

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#16

When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!

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Dian Ella Lillie 10 months ago

There's an interesting fact about the cemetery in my area - it's the dead centre of the town.

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#17

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

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Aidan Andrew Allott 5 months ago

He wants to die

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#18

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

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BlackestDawn 10 months ago

*groans* took me a few secs to get it but, well done.

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#19

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

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Steven H 10 months ago

I knew you'd get "a round" to that joke...

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#20

MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."

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mhubert10 10 months ago

adopting this one

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#21

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

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Max Harkins 10 months ago

OOF. That was pretty terrible, all right.

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#22

What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”

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S. 10 months ago

Imagine the zombie apocalypse beginning, but it's just annoying zombies stealing your bread. “FRED! THE DEAD EFFAHS STOLE MAH CEREAL AGAIN ” ”well, at least we now know they're actually made of grain, honey.”

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#23

Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!

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PeachPossum 10 months ago

At least you didn't SOIL them

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#24

3 unwritten rules of life...
1.
2.
3.

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earringnut 10 months ago

This one literally just made me laugh out loud.

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#25

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

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Dian Ella Lillie 10 months ago

I wonder whether the iFB would iNvestigate...

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#26

Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

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Adam Cantor 10 months ago

That ok, today i heard Youtube, Twitter, and Facebook are all merging. They're going to call it You-Twit-Face.

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#27

Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!

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thepotatogirl 10 months ago

BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY

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#28

I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

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Wyndmere 10 months ago

Is this the same Brian who believes his kids thinks his name is Mark?

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#29

KID: "Dad, make me a sandwich!" DAD: "Poof, you’re a sandwich!”

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K. LNU 10 months ago

Yup. This one has got to be from my dad.

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#30

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.

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nether man 9 months ago

so sad

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#31

SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”

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Caroline Beale 10 months ago

hahahah this one literally made me lol

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#32

What has two butts and kills people? An assassin

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#33

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY

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Ian Taggart 6 months ago

I had to say it out loud.

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#34

CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”

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earringnut 10 months ago

*insert joke about Canada here*

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#35

What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

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Monika Soffronow 10 months ago

It certainly is.

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#36

When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”

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TrAsh 10 months ago

Eye scream, you scream, we all scream....cause we're bleeding out.

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#37

If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.

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Christopher Dixon 7 months ago

Wow guys. He will be rolling (joints made out of pot) while in his grave. Please man, just...just get it.

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#38

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.

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Michael awdry 10 months ago

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How to pronounce : lab- are - ca - dab- ra- dor

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#39

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

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Monty Is Fiennes 10 months ago

They're just being vulgar....

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#40

Why couldn't the bike standup by itself? It was two tired.

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earringnut 10 months ago

Both a pun and the physical explanation.

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#41

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!

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Iván Galarraga 10 months ago

DontSeemedeerly?

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#42

GRANDPA: I have a 'dad bod', DAD: To me it's more like a father figure.

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Lexi Burnsed 2 months ago

heheheheheahhaa good one

#43

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

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Mindi Macsurak 1 month ago

My dad said that one all the time

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#44

When a dad drives past a cow pasture: LOOK! That cow is OUT-STANDING in his field!

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Rose the Cook 10 months ago

Her field surely.

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#45

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

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Monika Soffronow 10 months ago

If you don't get it, please see a speech therapist...

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#46

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

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Siddharth Rath 10 months ago

*grinnnnnnn*

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#47

When you ask a dad if he's alright: "No, I’m half left.”

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Alex Bailey 10 months ago

Defo my dad. If you said 'what?' To him he would also say 'no I'm not hot thanks'.

#48

KID: "Hey, I was thinking…" DAD: "I thought I smelled something burning.”

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Dian Ella Lillie 10 months ago

I used to say this to my sisters. They never laughed... :-)

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#49

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

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Moe Less 10 months ago

Not so much, but edible.

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#50

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

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Bob Beltcher 10 months ago

I used to say this one. Never got a laugh lol.

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#51

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.

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Napo Allenius-Tapiovaara 10 months ago

at school octopuses take testicles.

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#52

SON: *hands my Dad his 50th birthday card*, DAD: You know, one would have been enough.

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Elijah Jaycox-Aubrey 2 months ago

...

#53

When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.

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Bob Beltcher 10 months ago

Go ahead, tell that to her while she's giving birth.

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#54

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don’t serve food here."

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Dian Ella Lillie 10 months ago

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

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#55

Can February March? No, but April May!

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Dian Ella Lillie 10 months ago

Why was six sad? Because seven eight nine.

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#56

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

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Wyndmere 10 months ago

classic punning

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#57

Why did the crab never share? Because he's shellfish.

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Jason Chebe 2 months ago

why did the fisherman never SHARES? BECAUSE HE SELLFISH

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#58

To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch.

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John Malcolm 5 days ago

His full name is Elongated Muskmelon

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#59

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

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Siddharth Rath 10 months ago

Is he ok?

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#60

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.

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ta ham 10 months ago

What do you call a dead fly? A flew….

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#61

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!

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Moe Less 10 months ago

In 4th grade I wrote a story of beavers making small "damns." Teacher did not notice. Maybe afraid to notice...

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#62

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.

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Caleigh 6 months ago

You’re lying if you didn’t read that like the song.

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#63

When you ask a dad if they got a haircut: "No, I got them all cut!"

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bailey gough 2 months ago

What did the guy say when he arrived in Antartica? Well that wasn't a warm welcome

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#64

Where did the college-aged vampire like to shop? Forever 21.

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Spirit Animations 7 months ago

*a vampire that could use their time being immortal to research cancer* you know what? I'm going to the mall today!

#65

GROCERY STORE CHECKER: "Paper or plastic?" DAD: "Either, I’m bisacktual.”

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Elijah Bradshaw 2 months ago

guess i'll just die then

#66

What did the horse say after it tripped? "Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

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My O My 10 months ago

Giddyup giddyup giddyup let's go *singing

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#67

You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.

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Adham Magdy 4 months ago

dammm

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#68

Why wasn't the woman happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total ripoff.

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MAGZOFFICIAL 5 months ago

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

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#69

What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

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Bradley Buma 3 months ago

haha 69

#70

I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though.

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Zoe Page 3 months ago

why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honey combs

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#71

What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.

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MAGZOFFICIAL 5 months ago

nope *looks at more dad jokes cus i have no life*

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#72

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

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Вера Контрабандист 4 months ago

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Why do women wear make-up and perfume? Because they're ugly and they stink.

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#73

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!

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Deacon DeSchepper 4 months ago

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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#74

You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there? European.

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Tyler Ittai Anthony 10 months ago

First you Russian...then European...then Finnish

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#75

I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.

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Ricardo Haselbach 4 months ago

my favorite number of the alphabet is blue

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#76

WAITRESS: "Soup or salad?" DAD: "I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.”

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Scott1983 Cawthon 4 months ago

I actually misunderstood someone saying SUPERSALAD but they were just saying soup or salad

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#77

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

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S. 10 months ago

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Why did the vampire not bite Taylor Swift?

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#78

What does an angry pepper do? It gets jalapeño your face.

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Whitney Speight-Carlin 10 months ago

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business.

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#79

As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.

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Tootoo 1 month ago

Kekks

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#80

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable.

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Dian Ella Lillie 10 months ago

"Did you hear the one about the bed?" "No." "That's because it hasn't been made up yet!"

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#81

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!

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Pessimist Reviewer 4 months ago

Just imagine a chicken sedan.

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#82

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino.

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Wyndmere 2 months ago

Groan

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#83

I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie. Man, they really grilled me.

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Robert Boudreau 2 months ago

Why did the golfer were two pairs of pants Because the golfer had a hole in one

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#84

If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”. They get really pissed off.

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Carol Emory 10 months ago

It took me two reads to get this one...Duh!

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#85

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."

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Charlie Holmes 4 months ago

This is one of my all-time favorites. When my kids were young(er), I would tell this joke every evening at the supper table. I did that for over a year, so I'm sure it'll be passed down to my grandkids and, hopefully, generations after. At least I'll have a legacy. 8^] I've always spoken the punchline using my best John Wayne impersonation.

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#86

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!

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#87

You heard of that new band 1023MB? They're good but they haven't got a gig yet.

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Jason Chebe 2 months ago

no a gig yeet

#88

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

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#89

Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.

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Pessimist Reviewer 4 months ago

Oooooooh

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#90

What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.

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Aidan Rance 5 months ago

I'm fetta-p with bad food puns, even i'm not that old! You'll need a stronger start if you want to keep up with me. lol

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#91

DAD, TO A SINGER: "Don’t forget a bucket." SINGER: "Why?" DAD: "To carry your tune."

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Roen Lugar 4 months ago

Wow

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#92

I told my 14 year old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a stupid name for a computer game. I think it is just too weak.

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#93

How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

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Roen Lugar 4 months ago

why would you do that

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#94

How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.”

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WingedPug 10 months ago

What dad would say that to his kid?

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#95

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

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Tootoo 1 month ago

Sup uglyburger

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#96

Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.

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Marissa S 2 months ago

OK song, HILARIOUS joke!

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#97

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!

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Tootoo 1 month ago

Sup uglyburger

#98

NURSE: "Blood type?" DAD: "Red."

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Tootoo 1 month ago

Sup uglyburger

#99

What do you call a fish with two knees? A “two-knee” fish.

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Roen Lugar 4 months ago

What do you call a fish with two knees that likes to play music ? A “two-knee” fish.

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