40+ Funniest Dad Jokes
Despite birthday clowns and stand-up comedians dominating the scene, we all know that the best jokesters are dads with their punny humor and groan-inducing quips. Although not everyone is a big fan of that type of comedy gold, there is a certain amount of appreciation any person can have for a well-timed pun. Especially if it's followed by thunderous laughter from the person and the classic finger-guns pose. Scroll down below to see some of the best dad jokes around and don't forget to comment and vote for your favorites.
Oh, and if you're a dad joke aficionado, like we are, you (or your father) might love this funny mug designed by Bored Panda. Click here to check it out and we're sure it will put a smile on your mug. (Facebook cover image: Rosino)
#1
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
#2
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
#3
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
#5
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
#6
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
#7
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
#8
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
#11
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
#12
What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language
#13
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
#14
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
#15
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
#16
When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
There's an interesting fact about the cemetery in my area - it's the dead centre of the town.
#17
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
#18
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.
#19
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
#20
MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."
#21
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
#22
What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”
#23
Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
#25
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
#26
Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
That ok, today i heard Youtube, Twitter, and Facebook are all merging. They're going to call it You-Twit-Face.
#27
Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
#28
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
#29
KID: "Dad, make me a sandwich!" DAD: "Poof, you’re a sandwich!”
#30
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
#31
SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”
#32
What has two butts and kills people? An assassin
#34
CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”
#35
What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
#36
When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”
#37
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
#38
What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.
#39
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
#40
Why couldn't the bike standup by itself? It was two tired.
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What do you think ?
Anyone else keep hearing the "ba-dum-dum *cymbal crash" after each one? lol
By cringe you mean laugh (or at least smile)? Right ? :)
My sister & her hubby are having their first. I gave him joke books wrapped in ribbon as a New Dad's Prep Kit. They laughed and he tossed out some real groaners - he's already well on the way to annoying the heck out of my new niece!
Anyone else keep hearing the "ba-dum-dum *cymbal crash" after each one? lol
By cringe you mean laugh (or at least smile)? Right ? :)
My sister & her hubby are having their first. I gave him joke books wrapped in ribbon as a New Dad's Prep Kit. They laughed and he tossed out some real groaners - he's already well on the way to annoying the heck out of my new niece!