Despite birthday clowns and stand-up comedians dominating the scene, we all know that the best jokesters are dads with their punny humor and groan-inducing quips. Although not everyone is a big fan of that type of comedy gold, there is a certain amount of appreciation any person can have for a well-timed pun. Especially if it's followed by thunderous laughter from the person and the classic finger-guns pose. Scroll down below to see some of the best dad jokes around and don't forget to comment and vote for your favorites.


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#1

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

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JillVille 3 weeks ago

So sorry Brian, one day he'll get it! lol

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#2

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

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#3

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

Alessia_Fisher Report

JillVille 3 weeks ago

Groan - nice one!

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#4

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

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Last Hurrah 3 weeks ago

Freeze it and then drill holes in it.

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#5

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

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glowworm2 3 weeks ago

Ha! I like this one.

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#6

Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

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Molly Tallmadge 3 weeks ago

^&*((&^%%^&*( IT!

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#7

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

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Iván Galarraga 3 weeks ago

"I REST MY CASE!"

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#8

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

ldrescher Report

Alexis Nobuyuki 1 week ago

Pfft! Corny

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#9

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

raheel1122 Report

Iván Galarraga 3 weeks ago

You must obey gravity, it's the law

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#10

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

Lee_Hey_pat Report

Iván Galarraga 3 weeks ago

He's on third base, no wait, that's I don't know

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#11

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know

JohnathanWickers Report

Lynn Noyes 2 weeks ago

Re the riddle, eggs came first. Dinosaurs laid eggs.

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#12

What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language

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Rebekah 2 weeks ago

Dammit - you got me.

#13

My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

madazzahatter Report

Misterscooter 2 weeks ago

Ha!

#14

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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Dian Ella Lillie 2 weeks ago

"Jamaica pie?" "Nah, that's a Bahama split."

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#15

My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

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JillVille 3 weeks ago

Teehee

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#16

When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!

AshleyJack Report

Dian Ella Lillie 2 weeks ago

There's an interesting fact about the cemetery in my area - it's the dead centre of the town.

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#17

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

StewPaddasso Report

Leah Curtis 2 weeks ago

I don't get this one.

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#18

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

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BlackestDawn 3 weeks ago

*groans* took me a few secs to get it but, well done.

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#19

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

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Steven H 2 weeks ago

I knew you'd get "a round" to that joke...

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#20

MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."

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mhubert10 3 weeks ago

adopting this one

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#21

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

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My O My 1 week ago

Brilliant!

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#22

What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”

PolesawPolska Report

S. 2 weeks ago

Imagine the zombie apocalypse beginning, but it's just annoying zombies stealing your bread. “FRED! THE DEAD EFFAHS STOLE MAH CEREAL AGAIN ” ”well, at least we now know they're actually made of grain, honey.”

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#23

Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!

mblondie Report

PeachPossum 2 weeks ago

At least you didn't SOIL them

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#24

3 unwritten rules of life...
1.
2.
3.

madazzahatter Report

earringnut 2 weeks ago

This one literally just made me laugh out loud.

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#25

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

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Dian Ella Lillie 2 weeks ago

I wonder whether the iFB would iNvestigate...

#26

Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

AshleyJack Report

Adam Cantor 3 weeks ago

That ok, today i heard Youtube, Twitter, and Facebook are all merging. They're going to call it You-Twit-Face.

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#27

Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!

letrollface1279 Report

thepotatogirl 2 weeks ago

BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY

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#28

I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

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Wyndmere 2 weeks ago

Is this the same Brian who believes his kids thinks his name is Mark?

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#29

KID: "Dad, make me a sandwich!" DAD: "Poof, you’re a sandwich!”

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K. LNU 3 weeks ago

Yup. This one has got to be from my dad.

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#30

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.

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My O My 1 week ago (edited)

Now that's bad

#31

SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”

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Caroline Beale 3 days ago

hahahah this one literally made me lol

#32

What has two butts and kills people? An assassin

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Daniel Wee 2 weeks ago

lollll

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#33

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY

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Happiness is Hippo 2 weeks ago

I’m sure I’ve had this one from my Dad :D

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#34

CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”

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earringnut 2 weeks ago

*insert joke about Canada here*

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#35

What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

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Monika Soffronow 2 weeks ago

It certainly is.

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#36

When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”

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TrAsh 2 weeks ago

Eye scream, you scream, we all scream....cause we're bleeding out.

#37

If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.

porichoygupto Report

WingedPug 2 weeks ago

I don't get it.

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#38

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.

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Michael awdry 2 weeks ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

How to pronounce : lab- are - ca - dab- ra- dor

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#39

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

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Monty Is Fiennes 2 weeks ago

They're just being vulgar....

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#40

Why couldn't the bike standup by itself? It was two tired.

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earringnut 2 weeks ago

Both a pun and the physical explanation.

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