One can only imagine where the roots of puns are hidden. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Saber-Toothed tiger a Lightsaber-Toothed tiger? Or maybe it all started in the Middle Ages when, by a long shot, the Trebuchet was the most powerful weapon? Or perhaps it was the era of the Renaissance when people just couldn't Handel the music of Handel? There are no answers as to when this amazingly lame form of humor was born but it has kept its popularity from the dawn of ages to this day, nonetheless.

Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever at the same time - puns will never get boring, even if they'd be the last jokes left on Earth. Some people might consider them lame; others just don't get them at all. But we think that a good pun is always worth a good laugh. If you are on the same page then this complete collection of puns is exactly what you are looking for. From classy to sassy, these are the puns that can make anyone laugh (or roll their eyes at least). So scroll down below, vote for the funniest, and let us know what you think!

#1

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

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Foxxy 5 months ago

haha, omg I laughed too much at this.

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#2

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me

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María Hermida 5 months ago (edited)

😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄 That's me!!!

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#3

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

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Michelle Muirhead 5 months ago

Frank was was fed up with Tom’s smart comments.

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#4

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

Come on, dole them out, we'd all benefit.

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#5

When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic

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HANS 5 months ago

... or well endowed!

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#6

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

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HANS 5 months ago

Freeze it and then drill some holes.

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#7

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

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Withnail 5 months ago

While you're singing Ice Ice Baby?

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#8

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen

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Foxxy 5 months ago

Shudder, that would be mortifying.

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#9

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally

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Rowlie 5 months ago

Stealing this one

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#10

Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea

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Withnail 5 months ago

Is this the real life...?

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#11

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

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Lucinda Overhoussen 5 months ago (edited)

In a few more years no smokers around to get this.

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#12

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

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KittyPiano3 5 months ago

I guess they appreciate the gravity of the situation (not)

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#13

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

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Rowlie 5 months ago

Listening to the Wind of Change

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#14

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now

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Rowlie 5 months ago

Seems like not much was left of him

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#15

The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran

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Kim Bush 5 months ago

Kinda in bad taste

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#16

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off

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Laugh Fan 5 months ago

It wasn't a leap year?

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#17

My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels

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Meop 5 months ago

Life has its ups and downs..

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#18

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

It caused me a lot of baggage but I must carry on.

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#19

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

This got me buzzing!

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#20

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve

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AloofFox 5 months ago

I understand the joke, but can’t see the pun.

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#21

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any

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Xander K Occhipinti 5 months ago

hahaha

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#22

England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

We also genuinely have a place called Cockermouth in Cumbria.

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#23

All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution

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BusLady 5 months ago

But not good solution, for some. :-(

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#24

She had a photographic memory but never developed it

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HANS 5 months ago

She was waiting for that 'Kodak moment'.

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#25

Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine

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HANS 5 months ago

No bones about it.

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#26

A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes

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Diane Bleyer 5 months ago

Good one

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#27

The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

I could table a meeting with the chair of their sideboard.

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#28

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

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BusLady 5 months ago

Or in the wrong country.

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#29

A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

Eye see what you did there!

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#30

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care

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Hope Floats 5 months ago

"Ignorance" and Apathy" summed up..Ha ha ha...

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#31

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!

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Jim Price 5 months ago

Weird Al used this in his movie "UHF"... and the janitorial staff was oriental.

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#32

When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents

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Michelle Muirhead 5 months ago

Well done!

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#33

A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending

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Victoria Rey Piuma 5 months ago

Oooh, sophisticated

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#34

Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo

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Carol Emory 5 months ago

That's like Larry the Cableguy's joke. "I've go the body of a 16 year old. And if the cops ever find out she's in my basement...I'm in biiiigggg trouble!"

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#35

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

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Twenty øne doggos 5 months ago

I think I saw this on a Reddit thread or something. I remember that someone completely missed the joke.

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#36

What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi

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SprinkleDrop 5 months ago

😂

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#37

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

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Jarrid Yelton 2 months ago

That's really stupid but I LOVE IT!

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#38

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

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Rowlie 5 months ago

You were not headstrong enough

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#39

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

Ale of Two Cities, A Brief History Of Wine, The Last of The Mojitos....

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#40

How do you throw a space party? You planet

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Xander K Occhipinti 5 months ago

what did the astronaut say when he was interviewed? No comet.

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#41

How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other

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Foxxy 5 months ago (edited)

2 groups of people you can’t trust are lawyers, judges and politicians. EDIT : sorry 3 groups of people.

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#42

There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - he woke up

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Red 5 months ago

that went from 100000 to 0 real quick

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#43

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve

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That One Guy 5 months ago

Cough Cough Grunkle Stan Cough Cough

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#44

What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves

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Meop 5 months ago

I sea what you did here

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#45

I was going to make a chemistry joke, but since I'm kinda late to the thread, the good ones argon

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KittyPiano3 5 months ago

FUN FACT: cats are made of iron, lithium, and neon. FeLiNe

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#46

What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays

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Victoria Rey Piuma 5 months ago

Hihihi

#47

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

I'd attend a funeral that early over my dead body!

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#48

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire

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BusLady 5 months ago

It didn't suit the poor man.

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#49

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"

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BusLady 5 months ago

2 blondes were walking in the woods when they came across some tracks. Its deer tracks. No, it's bear tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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#50

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

I'd have to dig deep to afford one.

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#51

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

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Rowlie 5 months ago

I'm crazy about this one

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#52

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize

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Tom Hardeveld 5 months ago

so did Gaston...

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#53

German sausage jokes are just the wurst

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Harleen 5 months ago

But it doesn't matter how kind you are. German children are always kinder.

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#54

The other day I tried to make a chemistry joke, but got no reaction

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KittyPiano3 5 months ago

That was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one

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#55

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator

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Sadie Shapiro 5 months ago

It's terrible and that's why I love it.

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#56

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed

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the Lemon Queen 5 months ago

well I can do it in my sleep!

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#57

What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist

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KittyPiano3 5 months ago

Whaddya call a vampire duck? Count quackula

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#58

Need an ark? I Noah guy

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BusLady 5 months ago

Like new. Only used for 40 days.

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#59

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure

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STress the Terrible 5 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

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#60

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it

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Ryo Bakura 5 months ago

Jew really think that's funny?

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#61

I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap

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Foxxy 5 months ago

Ain’t that the truth, boobs feel trapped in bras. Best feeling at the end of the day is taking the bra off. Ahhhh

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#62

He who laughs last thinks slowest

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Jim Price 5 months ago

He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

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#63

Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest

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Benjamin Epstein 5 months ago

Oh no! He’s got a stuffed animal! Run!

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#64

I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it

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Wyndmere 5 months ago

I’m on a c food diet; candy, cookies, and cake. My brother said carrots, cauliflower, and celery are c food too. I asked him who taught him to spell.

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#65

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

They're always jumping for joy and never hopping mad!

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#66

Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!

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KittyPiano3 5 months ago

What about the fox-trot

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#67

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine

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AloofFox 5 months ago

Technically, grape juice is not wine... yet.

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#68

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'

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Rowlie 5 months ago

I bet You Polished off everything though

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#69

The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents

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Jim Price 5 months ago

Fix-it Felix could change that.

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#70

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill

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Foxxy 5 months ago

What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob

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#71

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus

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Benjamin Epstein 5 months ago

I got a new thesaurus not only is it bad, it’s bad.

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#72

Why is the number six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine

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Xander K Occhipinti 5 months ago

such an old joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#73

What did one flag say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.

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Aileen 5 months ago

Heard this same joke with two oceans.

#74

I lost my mood ring, and I don't know how I'm feeling about that

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Carol Emory 5 months ago (edited)

Guy walks into a bar and lays a dead giraffe on the floor. The bartender says "Hey..what's that lyin' there." The man said "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

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#75

Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

That was a real lightbulb moment, really lit me up!

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#76

I bought a boat because it was for sail

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Gemma Lees 5 months ago

It really made waves when I came home with it!

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#77

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars

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Marcellus the Third 5 months ago

Rome wasn't split into two? But the Roman empire was split in an eastern (centered around Constantinople) and western empire (around Rome) --- so the pun works there.

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#78

I'm not a doctor but I'm losing my patience

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BusLady 5 months ago

Well, if you're not a doctor, that's probably why. Practicing without a licence is ill-legal.

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#79

Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak

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Harleen 5 months ago

I'm a proud member of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals!

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#80

What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit

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MATT LOPEZ 4 months ago

What is the difference between a dead dear and a dead lawyer? There are Skid marks in front of the dear!😜

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