There are funny puns, clever puns, and then there are bad puns. Puns that are so cringy, predictable, and downright stupid that it might just be the most hilarious thing that you've heard. And that's just how it works with us, humans - the stupider the joke, the more we enjoy it. Well, most of the time, at least. Though we could guess why human nature dictates laughing at silly things, there's no definite answer to this age-old question. Maybe it's because it's so easy to understand these jokes - no hidden meanings or a need to read Marcel Proust's works to get it. Every one of us, no matter how cultured or educated, loves us some genre-classic low-brow humor deep down inside, a guilty pleasure, so to speak. It could also be that we get a sort of high to think that someone could be so stupid to come up with such an abominable example of a one-liner. You know, a chance to feel smarter-than-thou, which isn't a frequent occurrence to some of us. Ignorance is always funny when it's not you demonstrating it, I guess. But enough of this guessing game, you can play it on your own accord, and time to get along with our main topic here - bad puns.
If you were to scroll down just a couple of inches below, you'd find the sweet fruits of our research for the most inadequate puns and jokes. Some of them are so bad; you might just spray your keyboard with coffee out of sheer incredulity. And though we don't often place bets on things that are a matter of taste, here we are pretty confident about the aforementioned outcome. So, don't forget to vote for the worst puns, share these uncool jokes with your friends, and contribute to our list with your most unique puns.
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I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
I just bought a thesaurus from the book store, but when I got home all the pages were blank. There are no words to describe how angry I am.
Annoyed,bitter,enraged, exasperated,furious, heated, impassioned, indignant, irate,irritable, vexed
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
Did you hear about the boy who tried to catch fog?
He mist.
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… It was tense.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
I heard it was good but it had no atmosphere.
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
A friend of mine annoyed me with bird puns. But toucan play that game.
You can't be cereous. How long did it take you to think that fluff up? Can you do it in a finch?
I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
What did the ghost teacher say to his class?
Look at the board and I will go through it again.
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because it's pee is silent.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahaha.
When she saw her first strands of gray, she thought she’d dye.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
Why is peter pan always flying?
He neverlands.
I lost my job at the bank on the very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
While typing on your phone, what's changing the words into something completely different than you wanted to write? 🙄 AutocoWrecked
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii.
A police officer knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes. I looked at him and said, "don't be ridiculous, my dogs don't even own bikes."
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claus-trophobic.
What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe?
Narnia business!
I used to be a tap dancer, until I fell in the sink.
What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A dino-snore.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
Shout out to the people who ask what the opposite of "in" is.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own?
It was too tired.
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
What do they do with the left over holes? They tie them together and make fishing nets!
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator?
Hey, close the door, I'm dressing!
How is mayonnaise dressing? You eat it with French Fries, that's ir..
Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he's a keeper.
Don't interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you'll hear some crosswords.
Why are cats bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tale.
...but nine lives 😼 they just don't share their precious stories with everyone 😌
What do you get if you cross a snake with a pie?
A pie-thon.
What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey? Most of the time you get an onion with hair. But sometimes you get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.
Did you hear about the guy who had his left leg and his left arm amputated in a car accident?
He's all right now.
Did you hear about the antiques collector who found an old Coca Cola lamp?
She was soda lighted.
I told my friend I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn have ears.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.
Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?
They're both cauld ron.
What do you do when life gives you melons?
See a doctor, because you’re probably dyslexic.
If your dog was craving pizza what kind of pizza would he want?
Puperoni.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bull-dozer.
What does the baker always say to his customers?
Do you oven come here?
A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He wrapped his cape around himself and began to count. "Uno… Dos…" and then POOF, he disappeared without a Tres.
Why don't you interrupt someone working on a puzzle?
You'll hear some crosswords.
I saw an ad that said "television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full" and I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
Today my son walked over and said "could I have a book mark"?
I burst into tears. 11-years-old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything!
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle?
A tire.
I put all my spare cash into an origami business. It folded.
Someone sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
In ancient Rome, deli workers were told that they could eat anything they wanted during the lunch hour. Anything, that is except the smoked salmon. Thus were created the world's first anti-lox breaks.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "wow I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?"
"Pop", goes the weasel.
A wife says to her husband that a moose is falling from the sky. The husband looks and says, it's just reindeer.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
Two pickles fell out of the jar onto the floor. What did one pickle say to the other?
Dill with it.
I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it steel wooden lead me whistle.
Why did the police go to the daycare center?
A three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Doctor, doctor, help! I think I'm shrinking! Take this and you’ll be back to normal in a few weeks. Until then, you’ll just have to be a little patient.
What do you call an attractive volcano?
Lava-ble.
Once, there was a lumberjack who wandered into a magical forest. As he swung his axe at a tree, the tree said "don’t cut me down, I’m a talking tree!" The lumberjack replied, "and you will dialogue."
A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a rum …………………. and coke.”
The bartender asks, “What’s with the big pause?”
The bear shrugs. “I was born with them.”
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn't make any cents!
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say.
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I told my mom I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.
Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers?
He'd stop at nothing to avoid them.
Who was Socrates’ worst student?
Mediocrities. Who was his busiest student?
The one with a lot on his Plato.
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
Did you hear the news about that Chinese restaurant that got vandalized?
It was an act of wonton destruction.
What did the elephant say when he stopped in the middle of telling a story?
Never mind, I realize this is irrelephant.
What did the pony say when he had a sore throat?
"Do you have any water? I'm a little horse."
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
Do you want to taco 'bout it?
It's nacho problem.
I wanted to take a picture of the fog this morning but I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow.
What did the librarian say when the books were a mess?
We ought to be ashamed of ourshelves.
Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible. Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.
Why is the waiting room in the doc's office always full of people? Everyone is patient.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Today at the store the cashier gave me two pennies in change and said have a good day, don't spend it all at once. I said thank you for your two cents.
All the toilets in the NYPD Headquarters have been stolen. The police apparently have nothing to go on.
The public safety officer came up to a large mob of people outside a department store and asked, “What’s happening?”
A mall officer replied, “These people are waiting to get the new Barbie doll.” The public safety officer shook his head and muttered, “Who can resist a Barbie queue?”
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. – What a waste of thyme.
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
I had a crazy dream last night. I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of orange soda. Turns out it was just a fanta-sea.
Why don’t basketball players don’t like to leave their hometown?
They hate travelling too much.
Do you want to know why I hate circles so much?
They’re just so pointless, but I guess that’s how they roll.
Did you know deer can jump higher than the average house?
It’s because of their strong hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
What did the librarian say when the books were in a mess?
We ought to be ashamed of ourshelves!
I had to clean out my spice rack and noticed that everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "what kind of music do you like?"
The other says, "I’m a big metal fan."
Why did the Zen master refuse novocaine when he had his tooth pulled?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
