You must be thinking, “Why does Bored Panda have a list of Terrible Puns?” and “If these puns are funny, why would they be termed terrible?” Hear us out before you jump to any conclusions!
You’re surely acquainted with the expression, “So bad, it’s good.” It’s a way of saying something is so remarkably bad that you find yourself speechless and hypnotized by its lame energy. So, what does this have to do with puns?
The best puns are terrible. Not just bad. Terrible. Some people think puns are the lowest form of humor, but they’re wrong. Puns are the funniest thing ever invented by a man (or woman). They’re the definition of “so bad that they’re good.”
Today, we gave it our worst, though. The terrible puns in this list are of the poorest type, like the most stupid dad jokes you could think of. And yet, they have so much cringeworthy energy and enthusiasm behind them that you can’t help but be drawn in and enjoy their absurdity, even if you’re aware you’re not supposed to find them funny if you have any sanity left!
Beware: If you’re gonna laugh because of them, it means your humor is utterly broken. And that’s totally ok; you’re still cool to us. So sit back and laugh out loud at this selection of terrible jokes that are funny, cringy, lame, and yet enjoyable!
Collection of Really, Like Really Bad Puns
Bad puns, jokes, and memes must definitely be your cup of tea if you scrolled down here! Well then, we no longer want to keep your broken sense of humor waiting! Let’s begin, shall we?
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The Signs Don’t Lie
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Woofy Humor
My dog can do magic tricks. It's a labracadabrador.
Life Of A Banker
I lost my job at the bank on the very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
Dark Humor 101
Did you hear about the guy who had his left leg and his left arm amputated in a car accident? He's all right now.
Drumroll Please!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two.
My parents liked watching The Lawrence Welk Show when i was growing up, so I totally heard the punchline in my head with his voice. LOL
A Whistle Tale
I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it steel wooden lead me whistle.
World Wide Web
Why did the spider log on to the computer? To check his web site.
His best frenemy had just texted him saying it was down, and he knew it would bug him all day if he didn't check it!
Spice Things Up
I had to clean out my spice rack and noticed that everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
Player Alert
I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii.
I asked a German guy if he did and he told me played 9. I didn't even know there that many consoles out right now!
The Rest Police
Why did the police go to the daycare center? A three-year-old was resisting a rest.
And here I was hoping for a pun that involved that old 90's movie kindergarten cop!
The Lion, The None-Of-Your-Business, And The Wardrobe
I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there. He said it was Narnia business.
Sleuth Humor
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What do you call an alligator who hates men? A castigater. What do you call an alligator initiates trouble? An instigator. What do you call an alligator who pleasures himself? A masturgator.
Harry Potter And The Walking Secrets
What's Harry Potter's favourite way to get down a hill? Walking...
JK, Rolling.
Traffic Humor
I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
I would have moved but I was just so distracted watching this chicken cross the road...
Electric Enlightenment
I was struggling to figure out how lightning works. Then it struck me.
Nosey Humor
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
"Between us, something smells."
Origins Of Milkshakes
Where do milkshakes come from? Nervous cows.
No, you have to wait for an earth quake if you want organic but any of those exercise belts they used to use in the 50's will do if your okay with nonorganic
Sweet Venom
What do you get if you cross a snake with a pie? A pie-thon.
Creepy Cross Breeds
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie talkie.
An Orange Fantasy
I had a crazy dream last night. I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of orange soda. Turns out it was just a fanta-sea.
I got a rousing speach during a storm that got all the sailors working together. It was a pep-sea!
A Saucy Tale
I told my friend I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.
Magia De Numeros
A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He wrapped his cape around himself and began to count. "Uno… Dos…" and then POOF, he disappeared without a Tres.
No Goals With A Goalie
Why should you never break up with a goalie? Because he's a keeper.
Probably The Worst Pun
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
Television For Sale
I saw an ad that said "television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full" and I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
After watching a fix it video on YouTube with earmits on, he enjoyed his 90 inch OLED curved screen for only $1
Giddyup
What did the pony say when he had a sore throat? "Do you have any water? I'm a little horse."
Food Humor
"Do you want to taco 'bout it?" "It's nacho problem."
A Corny Pun
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where is pop corn?"
"He went out for butter, son." "But mama, he has been gone for 10 years now!" 😭
Foggy Mornings
I wanted to take a picture of the fog this morning but I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow.
The Invisible Man
"Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible."
"Well, tell him I can’t see him right now."
But only when I'm naked and no one is looking at me and I'm not looking at myself
More Bad Puns and Jokes to Tell Your Friends
Those were really the worst ones, weren’t they? Need some more awful humor? Well, lucky for you, we have over 160 more waiting just for you. Read on then and share them with your friends who enjoy terrible memes just as much as you do!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted.
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybe.
I used to be a tap dancer, until I fell in the sink.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey.
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.
What do you get when two dinosaur crash their cars? A T-wrecks.
Unfortunately this does happen a lot, those tiny arms are not condusive to safe driving 😔🦖
What do you call cheese which isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
"Why don't I get my friends 'Harry Potter' jokes?"
"Because there is something Ron with you."
Here I was thinking this joke was going to be the one that could not be told :-/
My friend made a joke about the TV controller. It wasn't remotely funny.
Once, there was a lumberjack who wandered into a magical forest. As he swung his axe at a tree, the tree said "don’t cut me down, I’m a talking tree!" The lumberjack replied, "and you will dialogue."
Why did the cat go to medical school? To become a first aid kit.
What do you call a sad cheese? A blue cheese.
What did the waiter say when he dropped a hotdog? It could have been wurst.
I once traded a sausage for a sea bird... I took a tern for the wurst. I'll see myself out now!
What's an astronaut's favourite part of a computer? The space bar.
How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints.
How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
Hey, Eclipsed my car the other day, the moon shouldn't be cutting his hair and driving!
Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.
Explains why my teacher had so many lights pointed my way 😭😂😭
Bobby broke his finger today, but on the other hand he was completely fine.
Which day of the week is a chicken's least favourite? Fry-day.
No, it's the first day back to work. Whatever that day might be. For me Wednesday
What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?
Learning to sleep upside down is hard for bats, but eventually they get the hang of it.
What does the baker always say to his customers? Do you oven come here?
Do you oven care this makes no sense Dave? Did you even think about that Dave? Did you Dave?
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard it was good but it had no atmosphere.
Did you hear the rumour about the butter? Never mind, it wouldn't spread.
See mayo is a spread just like butter! I maintain the other joke about it being dressing makes no sense!
I wanted to learn to dance so I started with salsa. I wanted something I could dip in to.
I've just been fired from a clock factory, even after all those extra hours I put in.
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
What did Mars say to Saturn?
"Give me a ring sometime."
"Doctor, doctor, help! I think I'm shrinking!"
"Take this and you’ll be back to normal in a few weeks. Until then, you’ll just have to be a little patient."
Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies.
Yeah but they don't go for the normal snacks while there. All they bring are cow pies.
What has fangs and webbed feet? Count Duckula.
What was the goal of the detective duck? To quack the case of course.
Why are all dogs bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
What if it's a whale of a tale that goes beyond the pale and is overall without compare? Would you say it's a tale there?
What happens when it's raining cats and dogs? I don't know but you can step in a poodle.
What type of candy is never on time? Choco-late.
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? Hey, close the door, I'm dressing!
No, that was the ranch. Mayo is a spread, it was in the middle of the splits at the time.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Did you hear about the antiques collector who found an old Coca Cola lamp? She was soda lighted.
What do you call a fake noodle? An im-pasta.
I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier. I'm sure it'll come back to me.
Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.
What did the nose say to the finger? Quit picking on me.
How can you tell if a vampire has a cold? He starts coffin.
I'm working on a device that reads minds. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
How can you tell if the ocean is friendly? It waves.
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Unfortunately he lost his case.
But won 4.9 billion dollars.max cap for liability was only $400 so it was reduced 😔
What's a cats favourite colour? Purrr-ple.
What animal is at a baseball game? A bat.
Doesn't everyone know that? It's cuz their a class act! That's a fact.
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
What did the librarian say when the books were a mess? We ought to be ashamed of ourshelves.
What did the ghost teacher say to his class? "Look at the board and I will go through it again."
Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
How do pickles enjoy a day out? They relish it.
Why do pickles love family reunions? Because they relish their thyme together.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad? The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
Two pickles fell out of the jar onto the floor. What did one pickle say to the other? Dill with it.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "what kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I’m a big metal fan."
Do you want to know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless, but I guess that’s how they roll.
I just bought a thesaurus from the book store, but when I got home all the pages were blank. There are no words to describe how angry I am.
What did one toilet say to the other?
"You look flushed."
Today my son walked over and said "could I have a book mark"? I burst into tears. 11-years-old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
Ugh it's cuz he's lives in Neverland... Duh lol.. I'll give you an A for Affort tho...
What did the elephant say when he stopped in the middle of telling a story? Never mind, I realize this is irrelephant.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "wow I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop", goes the weasel.
A wife says to her husband that a moose is falling from the sky. The husband looks and says, it's just reindeer.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn have ears.
Bad Jokes That Are Not So Bad After All
You have got to agree; these puns and jokes were too good to be bad. We’re sure that at least a few cracked you up real good! Did you vote for the most terrible pun that was so bad that it completely aligned with your broken sense of humor? If not, do it right away! And don’t forget to let us know your favorite one in the comments.
