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You can’t write the perfect comeback. These gems typically come from a creative, quick-witted mind that can deliver sick burns at will, like Oprah Winfrey giving out brand-new cars to her studio audience.
You can, however, draw inspiration from the best ones online. Here are some of those we’ve collected and compiled into this list, which you can bookmark for future reference. Feel free to analyze them anytime and see why these work so well.
But in the meantime, you can read through them and be thoroughly entertained, too.
This post may include affiliate links.
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#2
Shakespeare's gems: "Let's meet as little as we can." "I do desire we may be better strangers."
#3
“Somewhere out there is a tree providing you oxygen find it and apologize”
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 month ago
I have heard "You should be carrying around a potted plant to make up the oxygen you waste."
#4
As a person who worked in a call center my favorite was “I can explain it for you, but I cannot understand it for you”
#5
“I love that you don’t let facts get in the way of your opinions”
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 month ago
I think this one is appropriate for a certain Captain that often visits this site.
#6
“I’m not saying you’re the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope the dumbest person in the world doesn’t die” I heard an old white guy say it and I bust out laughing every time I think of or hear it
#7
my personal fav "when the wind blows, does your head whistle?"
Ghostchaplain16 1 month ago
"Their personality is ugly enough to make a train take a dirt road."
#8
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
Cuppa tea? 1 month ago
I have saying about arguing. When someone say, please let's stop arguing, I respond: I'm not arguing. If I would be arguing, that means I would be wrong. But I'm not neither.
#9
“Ur probably the first person ive met to reach their full potential “
#10
"I know you tried your best, that's what makes it so disappointing"
#11
"I would insult you, but then id have to explain the insult to you and I just dont have that kind of time."
#13
“You should start a business… and mind it” is my favorite
#14
heard this one recently "your two cents is why they're getting rid of pennies"
#16
“I really admire your courage to speak in the absence of knowledge"
#17
“You couldn’t dump water out of a boot even if the instructions were on the bottom”
#21
“You possess a mind that is completely unburdened by the complications of thought”
#22
“i see you've set boundaries between yourself and common sense "
#23
Besides the obvious what would you change about yourself
#24
This is my work insult: That’s an interesting conclusion you have come to considering the resources available to you.
#25
Working with you is like working alone but harder
#26
“As sharp as a marble”
NightOwlPanda 1 month ago
"Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice." -- Foghorn Leghorn
#27
I admire your simplicity when it comes to critical thinking
Nikolaj Christensen 1 month ago
"You manage to think critically, good job! But why only in regards to the wrong things!"
#29
“I know you’re trying YOUR best but can you try someone else’s?”
#30
“I expect nothing from you and you somehow still manage to let me down”
Michael Largey 1 month ago
David Niven on Errol Flynn: "As a friend, Errol was absolutely reliable. He would always let you down."
#31
I love telling people. "I hope you have the day you deserve."
#32
“thank you for showing me the person i don’t want to be”
#34
Your learning curve must be a circle
#36
“It must be so peaceful inside your mind”
#37
“and you were the fastest swimmer?”
David Jeffery 1 month ago
Cough cough - Riley Gaines - cough cough. Yes, I know the joke is about s***m but I just couldn't resist
#39
I saw someone get called an irregular verb earlier today
Shoshanna 1 month ago
Not really related, but during my first years of life, I coud not speak with my parents because they spoke one language and I was mostly raised by my Czech nanny so that is what I spoke. I can speak to my parents now of course but it comes out as a mix of English, French and Norwegian.
#40
“You have a brilliant future behind you.”
#41
Someone called someone a Honda civic on here once and it still makes me giggle
Rex-a-Roni 1 month ago
I’ve often said “Katie Holmes is the most unremarkable person on the planet. She’s the human equivalent of the Honda Accord.” …though I’m sure it could apply to other people as well.
#42
If brains were measured in cotton, you’d have enough to make a tampon for a flea
#46
Somebody told me I look like a left handed drawing
#48
I read somewhere “I want you to be a pallbearer at my funeral so you can let me down one more time”
#49
"You couldn't find your way out of a wet paper bag, with scissors in both hands."
#53
calling someone a busted radiator has been mine lately
#55
Heard someone say “you make water look like it has calories” and I haven’t been the same since
#56
“Not even Ed Sheeran could describe the Shape Of u”
#57
My home girl loves calling people “facially challenged” and honestly it’s always stuck with me
#59
keep smiling yellow is my favorite color
Mark Alexander 1 month ago
Thank you. Dental veneers are a waste of money to look like you're not quite human.
What do you think ?
Michael Largey 1 month ago
"Whenever we agree, I feel a need to pause and reconsider my position."
Shoshanna 1 month ago (edited)
I have a friend like that, which is such a shame because he is actually incredibly nice and doesn't live by the stupid things he says. I just call him my puppy
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Nicole Weymann 1 month ago
"His family tree is a wreath/a bramble." BTW do they have blackberries in Alabama? Asking for a metaphor...😏
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Michael Largey 1 month ago
"Whenever we agree, I feel a need to pause and reconsider my position."
Shoshanna 1 month ago (edited)
I have a friend like that, which is such a shame because he is actually incredibly nice and doesn't live by the stupid things he says. I just call him my puppy
Load More Replies... Nicole Weymann 1 month ago
"His family tree is a wreath/a bramble." BTW do they have blackberries in Alabama? Asking for a metaphor...😏
Load More Replies...
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