Dry humor jokes are not everyone’s cup of tea. They might sound stale and cringe to many, but if you have that specific sense of humor, there’s nothing better to mix in some dry humor into your daily jokes playlist.
One might also wonder, is dry humor attractive? Well, that’s the same as with the jokes itself. It all depends on the taste. If you have a dry sense of humor, there’s nothing better for the person in the same boat.
It’s hard to describe their nature without having any dry humor examples at hand, but we feel like the contents of this list will do just fine. From Batman discussing his preoccupation with a vengeance with his therapist to people advising against eating a clock (as it can be quite time-consuming), dry jokes of all kinds are gathered here.
Some will make your eyes roll, some should make you think for a bit, and some even carry an uncanny resemblance to their better-loved cousin—dad jokes, yet, all are dry as hell. And be careful not to break your finger while scrolling! On the other hand, we think you might be OK. No, but seriously, be careful.
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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the courier threw the box to the neighbours. I'll see myself out.
I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand, I’m okay.
I asked what I should bring to the party.
The hosts said, “Nothing, just bring a happy face.”
I had to cancel.
why do they ask so much of us. i just wanna go into a party , eat the food, sing ( and sometimes dance) badly and then leave
I can't stand kleptomaniacs.
They take things literally.
Are more annoying than pedantics? They take everything figuratively as far as they can.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We’ll see about that.
My boss told me to have a good day.
So I went home.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Do you want to know what always makes me smile?
Face muscles.
Reminds me of a famous quote: It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to SLAP THE B***H THAT MADE YOU FROWN!
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
Do you wanna box for your leftovers? No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
What’s the one thing in life you can actually always count on?
A calculator.
I was going to say your fingers, but if you're not a very good carpenter...or cook...or lumberjack...there are lots of ways I can be wrong on this.
Roses are dead, violets are dead.
I am a bad gardener.
The roses are dead, the violets are too, I’m not a bad gardener, the bad gardener is you.
If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.
🎶 For here / Am I sitting in a tin can / Far above the world / Planet Earth is blue / And there's nothing I can do 🎶
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Chickens hadn’t evolved yet.
First came the dino Then came the chicken Then the chicken got turned into dino nuggies It's a full circle.
What is red and extremely bad for your teeth?
A flying brick.
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it’s on the house.
wait so if i set up a ramp near a building with parking fees then i just need to amke it on the roof to not pay any money
Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other, ‘I need you to help me get to the other side!’ The other guy replies, ‘You’re on the other side!
I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.
Why should you never eat a clock?
It’s too time-consuming.
What did the drummer name her twin daughters?
Anna One, Anna Two.
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof.
I'm going to try on my new reversible jacket after work today.
I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Is there a difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A hippo’s really heavy and a zippo’s a little lighter.
The toilet paper rolled downhill for what reason?
To get to the bottom.
I call my horse Mayo…
and sometimes Mayo neighs.
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, "What’s your favorite type of music?"
The other says, "I’m a big metal fan."
A patient told the surgeon he couldn’t feel his legs.
The surgeon replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What did one Frenchman say to the other Frenchman?
How on Earth would I know? I don’t speak French.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A horrible boating accident.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.
Why are there fences around cemeteries?
Everyone’s always dying to get in.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently, I couldn’t concentrate.
What do you call a pencil sharpener that can’t sharpen pencils?
Broken.
How do I eat consciously?
You try not to lose consciousness when eating.
Why did Mr. Potato Head’s dry cleaning service go out of business?
He always used too much starch.
How do you describe a joke that isn’t funny?
A sentence.
"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says, 'Can you make me one with everything?'"
My dog is an awesome fashion adviser.
Every time I ask him what I look like in my clothes, he says, "WOW!"
A man limps to the doctor’s office and gasps, "Doctor, I was bitten by my dog."
The doctor checks, "Did you put anything on it?"
"No, he seemed to be enjoying the taste without any condiments."
How do you get someone to stop swinging on the tire swing?
Snip the rope.
Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
If they tried lifting the other one, they’d fall over.
How come oysters don’t donate to charity?
They’re shellfish.
Why are chili peppers considered so rude? Cause they jalapeno business
Shopping mall wife’s average speed:
$200 per hour.
When you've seen one big shopping centre, you've seen the mall...
They say women get turned on by guys who are funny. Well, if that’s true, I must have a very dry sense of humor.
I threw away my can opener.
It was more of a can’t opener.
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to hit you.
That’s the punchline.
What’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road!
Three fish are in a tank.
One asked the others, "How the heck do you drive this thing?"
Two fish are swimming in a lake when they hit a wall of concrete. "Dam", said one fish.
Cashier: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?"
Me: "No, just leave it in the carton!"
What is written on a dentist’s grave?
He’s filling his last cavity.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
10,000 soles were lost.
Have you heard about the butter rumor?
Never mind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.
Betty Botter bought some butter, but the butter, it was bitter. If she put it in her batter, it would make her batter bitter, but a bit of better butter, that would make her batter better.
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans.
This doesn’t make any sense. A 2 door car is a coupé. Because of the accent you pronounce the e.
What do you do if your eyes are dry?
Moisturize.
"There are two men in a boat, they have three cigarettes but no matches. How do they light up? They throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter."
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.
...Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
Did you hear about the beautiful wedding?
Even the cake was in tiers.
Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole-in-one.
"What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot."
Two muffins are in an oven.
One says to the other: Dang, it’s hot in here.
The other replies: Yeah, probably like 350 degrees.
There's some Stewart Francis in there too.
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There's some Stewart Francis in there too.
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