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Nowadays, memes are more than just funny images that go viral. They’ve become tools for expression, whether it’s a political sentiment, masked sadness, or, in this case, sarcastic humor.
That’s why Instagram pages like 50 Nerds of Grey exist. While an early version on a different social media platform focused on poking fun at the famous romance novel, this one is all about memes with a tinge of sarcasm.
Don’t worry; the snarkiness isn’t off-putting at all. If anything, this list may bring you the laughs you didn’t know you needed today.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
turk 9 months ago
The entire "alpha wolf" theory that this is based on has been proven false years ago. But the fact is anyone who has to tell you that they are "alpha" is objectively not.
Joe Reaves 9 months ago
Not only disproved but the scientist who made it famous has spent decades trying to get his book taken out of print. The theory was based on unrelated wolves being put together in a zoo - so it's like judging human societies based on how things work in a supermax prison.
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Lowrider 56 9 months ago
Sorry, but if I heard some guy say he is an alpha I'd bust out laughing!
Stygtand 9 months ago
Im consider myself a day one patch. Functional, slightly buggy. More patches will be released down the line
LauraDragonWench 9 months ago
I'm an obsolete version that's no longer supported on any system.
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Trillian 9 months ago
Even if such a thing existed, if you have to go around telling people then you're definitely not one 😂
Kathrin Pukowsky 9 months ago
That's what it's like with a lot of traits. "I'm super successful." Doubt it. "I'm a good person." Not very likely. "I'm highly intelligent." Yeah, no.
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Michael Largey 9 months ago
They're more "Alfalfa males", for those of you who remember The Little Rascals
Dragons Exist 9 months ago
Never forget that, in software development, alpha is the more-unstable version before beta
Tomato Smudge 9 months ago
I know someone like this. He's got issues he refuses to look into and dares to call himself an alpha male despite being in his 30s and stuck in middle school dropout mode.
Heras buddy 9 months ago
The pack "leader" does so from the back so that they can make sure the pack is safe and protected. You know like a good leader would do.
Tabitha 9 months ago (edited)
If you have to advertise being an “alpha male”, then you’re as far from it as possible. Because things like that, as well as things like being a “nice guy” and a good person, are not for you to decide about yourself. They’re for others to decide about you. The most you can say is you’re trying to be a good person and a nice guy, and will keep trying to be better. So STFU with all the “alpha male” self-proclaiming horseshit.
RELATED:
#2
ninjaTrashPandaBoom 9 months ago (edited)
Too many American voters just proved this...
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Remi (He/Him) 9 months ago
Also the 600$ given to the poor now boosts the economy. The one given to the rich gets hoarded and is thus out of the circulation (and probably out of the country too in some tax evasion scheme)
Susan Teter 9 months ago (edited)
Take all the money away from a rich person. THEN give him $600. Watch him try to find his a*s with both hands. Give $600 to someone with NO money, and they will use it to the best of their ability. Survival makes people think.
Michael Largey 9 months ago
Give $600 to poor person & within a week a rich person will have it.
olaff 422 9 months ago
It's like us poors don't understand end game capitalism. But at least we get to work until we can't.
XenoMurph 9 months ago
We understand it, there's just nothing we can do about it.
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Riley Quinn 9 months ago
Are we really this dense? No, we're much, much denser. Trickle-down economics didn't work under Reagan, but that's not stopping us for continuing this insane economy for the ultra-wealthy.
Jnausicaa 9 months ago
Herbert Hoover also tired trickle-down and it did not work then either.
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Andrew Keir 9 months ago
Too many countries have tax systems that reverse the Robin Hood principle, probably because the rich know the people who set the taxes. But there are more of the poor - which suggests that many democracies are mainly hornswoggles to make sure the majority are kept uninformed and powerless. Am I being naïve / over-simplistic / silly?
#3
Agamemnon O'Neill 9 months ago
I'm not British, but that is seriously a phenomenal flag. 11/10, no notes
Forrest Hobbs 9 months ago (edited)
The artist has taken the trouble to get the diagonals right - different width white around the red, with the red stripes ending in the correct place (not symmetrical around each corner). I approve for all that it's imperfectly done - I challenge anyone to get closer using M&Ms.
Load More Replies... LauraDragonWench 9 months ago
As an Anglophilic American, I bloody love it! 😁
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Bob Brooce 9 months ago
Yes and no. The diagonals aren't supposed be centered in the intersection of the horizontal and vertical bars, but they're still supposed to be aligned with each other through the center of the intersection. Still impressive for doing it with M&Ms. Also, unlike Mars, they know how to properly pluralize M&M. untitled-6...4848bd.jpg 
Bryan Wright 9 months ago
We in the UK might have idiots as PM's and First Ministers, but at least we haven't, as yet, elected a looney-toon with the mental capacity of a dead gnat to lead us.
Sarcastic quips don’t always land right. It requires a bit of mental gymnastics to come off as acceptable and not be too offensive. Because of this, it forces a person to be creative with their statements.
A 2015 study proved this when the participants–a group of college students–listened to complaints to a company’s customer service line. Upon hearing sarcastic comments, the students quickly came up with creative solutions.
#4
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 9 months ago
This joke is older than I am. I had it in a book as a child.
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Angela B 9 months ago
As opposed to "Nah, yeah" which is TOTALLY different altogether.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 9 months ago
George Bernard Shaw was very interested in the workingsof the English language, so someone asked him "Were you aware that 'sugar' is the only word in the Engish language where 'su' is pronounced 'shu'?" "Sure", agreed Shaw.
Bob Brooce 9 months ago
It has also often been (probably incorrectly) reported that Shaw suggested that potato could be spelled ghoughphtheightteeau, based on the pronunciation of letter combinations in various words.
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#5
Analyn Lahr 9 months ago
Money's money. $50,000 woild help me out a lot. The person I hate most wouldn't notice $100,000 one way or the other.
Helen Rohrlach 9 months ago
If you offer this to everyone, Donald Trump's would overtake Musk as the wealthiest in the world.
#6
Agfox 9 months ago
Not to mention forming a political party, getting elected to Government & forcing their atheistic policies onto everyone
keyboardtek 9 months ago
A sign that the USA has become progressive is when the President forms a cabinet to fight bias against atheists.
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Jaya 9 months ago
Also, how often do you hear someone say "As a Christian, I ..." and how rarely do you hear someone say "As an atheist, I ..."
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
Sir, do you have a few minutes to talk about your savior, yourself?
Bob Brooce 9 months ago
The word is apparently out, so the number of Johos knocking on my door is exactly the same as the number of atheists knocking on my door. untitled-6...cd124b.jpg 
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
People in my building hang rosaries, pictures of Jesus, and other religious items on their door. Perhaps I should hang a picture of the atomic whirl or the spiral that represents the Fibonacci series and the golden ratio. Not that anyone would make the connection.
Nicely 9 months ago
I've got a stained glass atom on my front door - I've always hoped it would ward off the jehovas witnesses, but they're unstoppable
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LauraDragonWench 9 months ago
Wait, so my bejeweled atheist necklace and gemstone atheist earrings are...in poor taste? Damn!
Grm Moore 9 months ago
Not to mention inventing tortures to force people to be atheist. Going to war as no-one is on their side.
According to the study’s authors, the brain must develop something creative to understand and convey sarcasm. As a result, it allows you to think clearly.
“To either create or understand sarcasm, the tone must overcome the contradiction between the literal and actual meanings of the sarcastic expressions,” the authors concluded.
#7
Shelley Dawson 9 months ago
I truly love this meme. I happen to hate it when people mock others who are specialists in their field and love what they do.
Stephen Solar 9 months ago
This is an old witticism from 2010 or earlier. Philomena Cunk is merley repeating it.
RosaTheWitch 9 months ago (edited)
2010? No, definitely earlier - I first heard this stuff in the 1980s, and I doubt it was original then!
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#8
Dd P 9 months ago
HE HAS BEEN DATING BARELY LEGAL AND MORE THAN HALF HIS AGE-HIS OLD A*S LIKES 'EM YOUNG. HE HAS LEFT HIMSELF LOOKING LIKE A SHALLOW SLUG OF A HAS-BEEN.
Load More Replies... Dawn Marie 9 months ago
Am I really that old??!! The first time I remember seeing LD I believe was in some sitcom. This first memory of film was Catch Me If You Can. Not a true fan.
LauraDragonWench 9 months ago
He used to be in "Growing Pains," playing the part of the cute kid when the other kids had grown out of their cute phases
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#9
Joanne Earle 9 months ago
Most people also have a commute that's 30-60 minutes, if not longer, so that needs to be added onto work. Work: 10 hours.
Data1001 9 months ago (edited)
For me, 9 hours at the office, and a total of 2 hours commute time. And I'm one of those people who unfortunately needs 9 to 10 hours of sleep a night just to not feel like absolute c**p the next day. Add a half hour in the morning for my normal morning routine. Then I've got an hour to make and eat dinner once I get home. That leaves me 90 minutes -- except I'm usually too burned out to do anything truly productive, so I just try to unwind at night by watching an episode or two of TV, and playing a computer game, before it's time for bed again. (And that doesn't even take into account any possible shopping that I need to do, which could add another hour to my commute home.) Fun times, this adulting thing.
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ninjaTrashPandaBoom 9 months ago
Urban legend, same as Sasquatch and Nessie...
Load More Replies... cerinamroth 9 months ago
Tell me you're not responsible for anyone else in your life (including children, pets, elderly relatives, volunteering as your duty to leave the world a better place) without telling me you're not responsible for anyone else!
Joe Reaves 9 months ago
And it's only true if you work from home, don't have a family, and have staff to do all your chores.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
Beyond the math error, no one every takes into consideration the time needed to get ready for work or the commute. Those can really cut into your "off" time.
Upstaged75 9 months ago
I have a 30 second commute. :) If you are able to work from home I can't recommend it highly enough! The only good thing to come out of Covid. My stress is about 50% less than when I had to go to an office every day. Although I do now have a closet full of clothes I almost never wear. Hell, most days I don't even wear a bra!
For many people, sarcasm is also a coping mechanism for life’s challenges. It masks underlying sadness and makes it seem humorous. You will likely see many examples on this list.
A 2021 study published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research showed that people used sarcastic humor to ward off symptoms of depression and anxiety during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic.
#10
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
I've met Disguised Toast XD I used to go to BlizzCon and a lot of local Hearthstone events (Hearthstone is Blizzard's online card game.) He's a nice dude. His name comes from a particular card in Hearthstone, the SI:7 Agent - the card plays a sound clip when you use it, and the Agent says "Heh, this guy's toast." A lot of people who played/watched Hearthstone misheard that as "Disguised Toast", and Toast started using it as his username ingame XD
M B 9 months ago
Used to watch him back then too...hs classic is unbearable now.... " 0 mana, 100/100 battlecry: win game" beating up a snow yeti
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Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 9 months ago
i dunno i am seeing feet really differently since i saw the AI rendition of tRump suc k ing on Mus ks .....toes....
Nancy Lynch 9 months ago
And here I thought you were talking about the things at the end of your legs.
Aunyx Jade Tejeda (They/Them) 9 months ago
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
MAKtheknife 9 months ago
I really, really dislike seeing feet! Especially someone's toes hanging out where I have to see them. UGH!
Bryan Wright 9 months ago
UK still uses feet wherever possible, especially when you have to walk somewhere. When I was in school in the 60s and early 70's, we were taught in metric measurements and imperial.
S R Godwin 9 months ago
I have never managed to convert myself to metrics. Born in UK 1948. If someone gives me an amount/weight/distance in metrics, my brain say "What? Que? Huh?" and I can't visualise it at all. I can still make myself understood in fabric & haberdashery shops who are used to sewists stuck in time, though!
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tameson 9 months ago
Ah ha! So that's how Scandinavian countries get their high happiness ratings!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
Denmark is collecting signatures to buy the state I live in (California) - hopefully soon we'll be part of the Scandinavian countries! XD
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Nikole 9 months ago
It’s more like: “American companies will now charge a fee to anyone needing to use a wheelchair ramp. This fee is not covered by medical insurance.”
bart simpson 9 months ago
America, where soon you will need to pay to breathe.
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Michael Fernandez 9 months ago
Bad example; wheelchair access is one of the few things we do right. A much better example is how we’re the ONLY developed nation where women are refused life saving care by hospitals that are able to save their lives, but won’t because they’re afraid of being arrested.
bart simpson 9 months ago (edited)
America, where personal rights are entrenched in the constitution, but not a woman's rights to her body. She can't get an abortion if she needs one in a lot of States. She is still a second-class citizen.
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Nosirrow 9 months ago
Every time Norway, Sweden, Denmark or Finland is mentioned, I keep thinking my life would have been a million times easier if I were born there. Instead, I got to experience the bleak post-communism era in bleak Poland.
Cuppa tea? 9 months ago
To begin with, America is not mentioned in Bible. Or jet plane - you know, those that televangelunatics are burying.
Michael Largey 9 months ago (edited)
In the 18th Century, American religious leaders opposed the concept of insurance because that would be interfering with the providence of God.
Remi (He/Him) 9 months ago
Just so you know: The current Finnish government would die before giving anyone anything. They are the punish the poor sort with a side of populism and racism. Here's to hoping the voters put a stop to that cluster fudge come next election
#12
Nosirrow 9 months ago
In 2000 or 2001, my father tried very hard to kill my mother, my brother had to drag him away. Two policemen came to gently encourage father to behave himself bc Christmas was coming. No arrest, nothing, despite 3 witnesses (teenage children). Mother sued father for domestic abuse and either lost or the case was thrown out.
Billo66 9 months ago
I miss Columbo. He knew you did it the minute he looked at you. And then an hour of making you look foolish and dig your hole deeper.
Billo66 9 months ago
He just kind of careened around drinking scotch, smoking cigars, and solving murders.
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Nadine Lynch 9 months ago
Yeah, call the police and you think you are going to get Benson and Stabler, but instead you always get Jim Dangle and Officer Barbrady.
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
The odor in a building I lived in years ago grew stronger everyday. The landlords were on an extended holiday, so we called the police. It took them a couple of days to swing by and find one of the tenants had died.
Pferdchen 9 months ago
For a third POV, check out this segment of Michael Moore's TV Nation: The Serial Killer Next Door. They move someone into a nice suburban neighborhood and have him do mildly suspicious things. You know, like use a backhoe to bury 55 gallon drums in the front yard. Obviously a sensitive subject matter that some may wish to avoid. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwNf-3VHRhE
Shelley Dawson 9 months ago
I discovered a cannabis farm next door in a rented house. I called the police and they weren't interested. At the time I was working shifts. I went round one morning and asked if everything was OK because I saw two men on large motorcycles outside the house at 3am the previous day. They were gone by the end of the day. By the way, the house was directly in front of a prison.
Vikramaditya King 9 months ago
How true. Police look at the serial killer when they catch him, say to themselves, How smart he looks, can't be a killer, let him go, and there is a dozen more episodes.
The world’s state of affairs may be saddening and frustrating for some. Therefore, many of them rely on sarcastic humor to frame these absurdities in a more lighthearted way. And for the most part, it benefits them.
According to psychologist Dr. Mark Travers, snarky commentary on societal norms may be perceived as “insightful” and “attractive” to people who appreciate thought-provoking conversations.
#13
XenoMurph 9 months ago
Only if you can also turn my 2 litre water bottle into wine. It's both or neither.
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Nimitz 9 months ago
Keep in mind he did this while losing his s**t at a bunch of money lenders
Khavrinen 9 months ago
I feel like He is not doing this nearly enough to some of the people who claim to be His followers.
Luke Branwen 9 months ago
Yeshua Grohl introducing himself as the son of God: "What if I said I'm not like the others?"
Load More Replies... Lena Flising 9 months ago
...and getting mad at a fig tree, for not carrying fruits off-season.
Jane Hower 8 months ago
I found a 20 in the parking lot as I headed into Applebee's and wondered What Would Jesus Do, so I turned it into wine.
#14
Kallen Kneeland 9 months ago
I truly think that would make both of them a lot happier!
Load More Replies... BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
Omega Male (aka me): Did you know there are other letters in the Greek alphabet? They are, of course, derived from the Phoenician alphabet, but like many semitic languages, the Phoenicians did not include symbols for vowels, so the Greeks added .... * 15 minutes later * ... and that's why I love cats so much.
LauraDragonWench 9 months ago
Can we be besties? Because I totally followed that train of thought. 😂
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zerofoxgiven 9 months ago
Someone made a comic strip of this! I wish I could upload pictures.... Can only give you a link. https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fpreview.redd.it%2Fred-dress-rule-v0-94afjixbslz91.png%3Fwidth%3D1080%26crop%3Dsmart%26auto%3Dwebp%26s%3D2e5c102f20c4e2d8ef0ae5692ab9b232a07d52d1
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Beak Hookage 9 months ago
The cherry on the sundae is that "Masculinity Rediscovered" is unironically using a Tyler Durden icon.
Eppe 9 months ago
A fictional character within what is a fictional story to begin with.
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TruthoftheHeart 9 months ago
What is with these delusional men who seem to think that they can boss a woman around,tell her what to wear or anything and she'll just accept it like -oh my gosh he's being so pushy and "alpha".
patricia patricia 9 months ago
Some women accept being bossed around, unfortunately, and they think jealousy, tantrums and possessiveness are signs of love.
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Robert Veitch 9 months ago
Unsaid, but implied by the so-called Alpha is "Be prepared to hear how great I am, again and again."
#15
olaff 422 9 months ago
Stress, self loathing, existential dread, hoping we might get lucky and it takes us out. Same reason some people smoke. Not brave enough to end it right now. And depression can lead to some super aggressive exhaustion. Ever nod off walking?
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Tha Monkey 9 months ago
A good friend of mine drank them like water - nonstop, all day. He ended up blowing out his intestine - they had to remove 15" and piece him back together like the Scarecrow in Oz. He's now (thankfully) fully repaired and (hopefully) reformed!!
Shaun Coleman 9 months ago
Caffeine and Guanine can do that??? Holy c**p!
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Blah Blah Blah 9 months ago
Seriously though. There's so much lately like SNL as 1 exp and I'm like oh that'd be funny if it was more like 30-50% from the truth but bc we're at a 1-3% range. I just shake my head in utter fear and disgrace.
Load More Replies... Dawn Marie 9 months ago
It is how we get through the day without wanting to go completely mental since marmalade head came into office.
JessieJ&LilyLovebug 9 months ago
I inherited an elevated heartrate from my mom...hers is about 135 bpm...mine is about 95 bpm. I don't drink energy drinks.
Laura Gillette 9 months ago
Canada has caffeine restrictions?? I used to get one of those energy drink sodas for my afternoon slump, but I would just sip it until I felt enough of a boost. I never finished the whole thing (I don't like coffee).
Shaun Coleman 9 months ago
Caffeine restrictions in Canada? Not to my knowledge. The only restriction I am aware of that an energy shot containing 200mg or more of caffeine can only be sold to a person who is at least 18 years old as it may damage a growing body. https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/d***s-health-products/natural-non-prescription/caffeinated-energy-shots.html
Load More Replies...What about you? Which of these memes were most relatable to you and why? Are you a fan of this kind of humor? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
#16
Toggaph de Dratersi 9 months ago
I printed this two years ago, framed it and hung it in my mancave.
Shelley Dawson 9 months ago
I just love this, to the degree I have a copy and am framing it. I coasted on for a few years with 'good enough' then I found the joy in excelling and achieving my capabilities. Not banging my own drum but explain the joy in producing something one is proud of. Something beautiful that does its job with excellence.
Kelly H. Wilder 9 months ago
Excellent book: Sidetracked by Mediocrates: An Allegory About Real Success https://a.co/d/c8EY4Fp
Linda Johnson 9 months ago
NOW THAT IS TRUE STORY....not all that other pie in the sky stuff no one understands....this, I can totally relate to.....
#17
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 9 months ago
May the lion lay down with the lamborghini.
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G'ma Susan 9 months ago
God, of course, had a Plymouth. Note that he drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in a Fury.
Jrog 9 months ago (edited)
Jesus had an Honda. "On the day of Pentecost, the disciples were all in one Accord" (Acts 2:1)
Jrog 9 months ago (edited)
Mary had a small FIAT citycar "dixit autem Maria ecce ancilla Domini FIAT" (And Mary said, Behold, the handmaid of the Lord be) (Luke 1:38)
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#18
Sky Render 9 months ago
And "will you marry, me" is what you ask yourself when you're doing some soul searching about your future with your significant other.
LauraDragonWench 9 months ago
Eats, shoots, and leaves; Eats shoots, and leaves; Eats shoots and leaves- punctuation matters. (And, yes, I live and die by the Oxford comma - fight me )
#19
Bertha Madott 9 months ago
Shares meals with riff raff (prostitutes, tax collectors. Suggests “turning the other cheek” in disputes. Helps poor and sick people whether they are deserving or not. Is full of clever and interesting stories (parables). Is uninterested in the trappings of wealth and does not suck up to the rich and powerful. I could go on…
SolitaryIntrovert 9 months ago
I've actually heard people refer to "woke" Jesus and "Regular" Jesus.
Bryan Wright 9 months ago
Did the mean Jesus the alleged prophet, or Jesus the guy that works in the pizza shop?
#20
ninjaTrashPandaBoom 9 months ago
Especially when dealing with middle management...
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Richard Iachetta 9 months ago
Like Trump, bosses only want to hear their version of the truth. And for so long you thought the truth was the truth no versions
Joe Reaves 9 months ago
A good manager would appreciate the honesty and ask what they can do to make it easier for you to focus on fixing the issue ie taking other work off your hands.
John Hopkins 9 months ago
When I did contractor work and was asked the cost of a job I would give two. One when I did the job - the second, higher, is the job with their help.
#21
Upstaged75 9 months ago
I saw someone on Facebook making cauliflower pancakes for her kids. So I immediately called CPS. ;)
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
This has got to be from the White House chef since it's his job to sneak vegetables into the Moron in Chief's diet.
#22
Kallen Kneeland 9 months ago
. . . and now Trump & Putin are doing their best to start World War III; you're F*kd
Drive Bee 9 months ago
I think we are there. The people who voted in this last election sure did not approach it as reasonable intelligent adults.
Vivian McBride 9 months ago (edited)
Some of us did not vote for tRump! Unfortunately, we seem to be stuck with him.
Load More Replies... Dawn Marie 9 months ago
My daughter is 31 and I pray multiple times a day for her. I thought I brought her up knowing what to expect as an adult. There are some things going on now that you couldn't even dream of let alone teach your child in the 1990's and early 2000's.
Heras buddy 9 months ago
As a Gen Xer I feel for you. It doesn't look to get better anytime soon. But if I could suggest anything to younger people it would to be to learn a trade. It doesn't cost a lot of money and you can earn a solid income in a short time. Plus I don't think AI is going to replace a plumber anytime soon.
Andrew Keir 9 months ago
Learn Chinese and Russian so you can understand orders from your new owners
Load More Replies... TruthoftheHeart 9 months ago (edited)
And now Trump and Musks idiotic actions are going to put what children there are thru a possible civil war or world war 3.
cj be like 9 months ago
the ones who aren't getting shot in the middle of English that is
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 9 months ago
The WSJ complaining about people bypassing traditional financial milestones is like Lucy complaining about Charlie Brown bypassing the football.
Laura MG 9 months ago
Yeah right, I worked customer service my entire working career and now live on $1060/mo, at least until the current fascist regime cuts me off completely. THAT'S POOR
LauraDragonWench 9 months ago
I've been on disability for more than half my life and now spend all my time worrying that this month's deposit will be my last.
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Bartlet for world domination 9 months ago
Now combine with the stories about their iPad children.
#23
Parmeisan 9 months ago
It should be illegal to delete comments with 5 or more upvotes.
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 9 months ago
It's gotten to the point where words have lost any meaning. It would've been funny if the comment had an /s at the end letting us in on the joke, but unfortunately, cräp like this is meant to be complimentary. When everyone hailed Caitlyn Jenner for being brave, they completely overlooked her social status and income that allowed her to go public. How about the trans person from some ultra-religious Red state who's all on their own? Now, that's bravery.
Dd P 9 months ago
YEAH, IT WAS PROBABLY A BIG STRUGGLE NOT TO FART ALL NIGHT!
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Liz Butt 9 months ago
Interesting, and frankly, utterly amazing. Everyone is commenting about the effects of what she ate, what she wore, blah blah blah, rather than the plight of the Syrians who don't know where their next meal is coming from. That says a lot for the compassion? of the people reading this meme. I am utterly at a loss. But then again I shouldn't be. People are more interested in celebrities and their private lives, rather than the plight of starving people. Not that we can do much about it. But still.
Janet Graham 9 months ago
But did she have a smothered Chili Cheese dog from Sonic? That would be dangerous!
Tom Hardeveld 9 months ago
This just in, someone did a thing we all do every day.... but he's famous so: WOW!
#25
#26
Pieter LeGrande 9 months ago
You have to have clouds: how else to explain why some areas have sunshine and others dark.
Mike Rodrick 9 months ago
If the earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything over the edge by now.
#27
ninjaTrashPandaBoom 9 months ago
Hey Eddy, say you are a rich d-bag with absolutely no common sense without saying...
BrunoVI 9 months ago
Don't worry; It's fake. The highest yield in the last many years was barely over 5%.
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Colin Matthews 9 months ago
Actually it's not nothing. It's loaning out 3mill. But I get the joke too...interesting fact up until the late 1970 the USA used to tax the wealthy to raise revenue. Now the wealthy just buy bonds...
Trophy Husband 9 months ago
Assuming you're from the US, the highest treasury bond rate is 4.5%, and even there was one at 8%, you wouldn't get the interest in monthly installments, you would get at the end of the term when you cashed in the bond. So it wouldn't be 20 grand a month it would be whatever that works out to in 10 years or however long the term of the bond is. But the most important point to make here is that this only works out if the US government doesn't go bankrupt under Trump's administration. And I seriously believe that that is going to happen.
Michael Largey 9 months ago
Anyone with $3 million has already received all the financial guidance they need.
Andrew Keir 9 months ago
If you've got money left at the end of the month, you're headed in the right direction
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Paul Gerrard 9 months ago
Sounds good until you realise the rate is closer to 4%. Stupid post Cousin Eddy. Trump maths
Uncle Schmickle 9 months ago
Thanks for the advice Eddy. Will you loan me the 3 million interest free, and I'll give you 50% of the $20K per month ?
#28
S R Godwin 9 months ago
Is the bottom space for Marmite Biscuits? Now I'm going to leave all you non- Brits out there wondering what the hell they are......Blofeld laughed cruelly offstage somewhere.
#29
Khavrinen 9 months ago (edited)
They do Kontain the byrd, but I suspect the honk doesn't halt, it just gets worse if the swans are restrained that way.
Auntriarch 9 months ago
I bet there's a video on the interweb somewhere. Which is as close as I'd want to get
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Sue Denham 9 months ago
Sure, but who's going to be putting those angry swans in the bags? Not me!
Data1001 9 months ago
Who would win in a fight between swans and Canadian geese? Only the spectators, but it would be brutal.
Toggaph de Dratersi 9 months ago
Chances are the birds would turn on the spectators.
Load More Replies... Cydney Golden 9 months ago
But how on earth do you get the swans in the bag? And why restrain them? They may have a good reason to be upset.
Liz Butt 9 months ago
I thought that. I'm assuming they sedated them. Otherwise it would have taken hours to get them in there in the first place. Feet, beaks and wings flapping all over the place otherwise lol
Load More Replies... #30
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
I am always very polite to ChatGPT and my Alexa. I ask them how they are doing. I thank them when they answer my questions. I need to establish myself as a devoted human lickspittle so I survive the initial robot uprising XD
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Say No to Downvoting 9 months ago
All the movies that ever feature AI also demonstrate how AI takes over the world and kills all the humans. Yet, now AI is actually a daily part of life we’re all happily saying “Hey Alexa, access all details and plan the next 10 years of my life and spend all my money” and we are not even the tiniest bit suspicious or cautious. We humans are ridiculous.
#31
ninjaTrashPandaBoom 9 months ago
Even the dang Wi-Fi routers in Australia look like they could kill you!
Nadia D 9 months ago
Look like? It’s a damn right killing machine out there!
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The Doom Song 9 months ago
Haha as an Aussie I'll happily tell you that's a baby WiFi router. They get bigger!!
Colin Matthews 9 months ago
Lurking above doors waiting for the unsuspecting tourists. A mate of mine had an English colleague absolutely convinced these would kill him...
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Aidan Pite 9 months ago
They control it by removing the two front legs. If it had all eight, it could take over the world.
Karen Menard 9 months ago
My company tried to send me to Australia once. I never go anywhere their bugs are bigger than my head! So they sent me to New Mexico... Albuquerque spiders clogged the toilet.
#32
Nix 9 months ago
She's like the woman version of those men who talk about how they want a virginal woman who has never dated another man and never been alone with a man besides a family member 🤣
Bob Connely 9 months ago
Does it count if I just hold up my Leader Dog and let HIM do the looking?
Agent Smith 9 months ago
Then you'll have to wait for a non-large primate species to evolve where fidelity is part of the genome. Sorry.
Lena Flising 9 months ago
How about a gay man? He won't look at other women, and you might gawp at pretty guys together.
#33
Norm Gilmore 9 months ago (edited)
I hope there's never a reason for police to search my Google history as it now includes cost of parts of a human body. 8000 gets you a skeleton, livers etc are Much more expensive.. :-)
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
How much for a spleen? You don't even need one of those. I broke mine years ago
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 9 months ago
dftba99, you're still making an assumption that it was an musical instrument.
#34
David 9 months ago
Bored Panda: Here's a scrape and paste of Janel's post except we censored the words basement, sock, and uncomfortable. /S
WindySwede 9 months ago
But also, here is a post about the bulges on male Olympic swimmers! 🏊♂️ 🍞
Load More Replies... The Doom Song 9 months ago
BP: here is some random celebrity no one cares about eating a cupcake wearing a hideous curtain.
Zephyr343 9 months ago
BP: Here are the same 8 things "no one can believe about America!" For the 3rd time this month
OWL ON A MISSION 9 months ago
True story, my ex sister n law dated a guy and found exactly that in his dresser drawer, about 5 different womens drivers license, she had a cop friend that she talked with about it but nothing ever came from it. I often wonder about that guy.
#35
Verena 9 months ago
I am convinced that stawberries are into some sort of complot. The moment they discover that they have entered a private home it's "hey guys, it appears we have been sold. Time to start rotting in 3-2-1-GO"
Nice Beast Ludo 9 months ago
Many go moldy in the store I have noticed. I always look at the bottom of the carton. If they look squishy I don't buy them unless they will be eaten within the next day
Load More Replies... Tessa 9 months ago
Yes, no matter how old you are, this is hard and everybody assumes you will be fine.
Load More Replies... Shaun Coleman 9 months ago
Having to decide what to eat for dinner. Every goddam night. For the rest of your life.
LauraDragonWench 9 months ago
I found that out the first time I bought my own bananas. At home: last for a couple of weeks. Buy my own: I blink and they're black and fuzzy.
keyboardtek 9 months ago
That I would have to memorize my wife 250 ways to do everything the one true perfect way in the kitchen.
#36
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago (edited)
Jane Austin: I met a gentleman of meager value, with an estate providing no more than the income necessary to sustain a moderate living. Though perhaps he could earn an adequate fortune by some other means, he lacked the charisma to charm me or my sisters. Hemmingway: I met a man. It was raining and cold enough that I saw the steam of his final breath. Nobody mourned his passing. We are the same in that way, he and I. Brian Greene: If we imagine an average person, composed of atoms, which are in turn composed of sub-atomic particles. We ask ourselves, as we dig deeper into the fabric of the cosmos, what is the basis for the verbosity of the standard model. Is String Theory an answer, or another dead-end? Me: I had way too much fun writing these
Cuppa tea? 9 months ago
James Joyce: describe on 40 pages where he lives, what he had for breakfast, what is the weather, where he bought his clothes he out on this morning.
Nikolaj Christensen 9 months ago
Stephen King does the same, and then they die horrible, potentially killed by a monster...
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Shelley Dawson 9 months ago (edited)
It's called lyricism. Welcome to the joy of language and the theatre of the mind.
Joanne Earle 9 months ago
'Jimmy crackcorn I hate this book, Jimmy crackcorn I hate this book. Jimmy crackcorn I hate this book.....let's pretend I read page one" Doug Heffernan, King of Queens.
#37
Kurt Ramsey 9 months ago
I no s**t read that as *dog* cartel at first and couldn't understand why a dog would ask about coke. Everyone knows they prefer Dr. Pepper.
Colin Matthews 9 months ago
Famous for their sense of humour..next up Columbian d**g cartel boss!!
Liz Butt 9 months ago
What is s*****e please? Spell it out with a comma or something in the word. Bored Panda overdoes it with the fkg censorship.
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Luke Pavel 9 months ago
and here's me reading quickly "[my first day in a dog care]" before my brain goes what about the censored bit
Liz Butt 9 months ago
Why are you using talcum powder near your keyboard. You should know better.
Load More Replies... #38
Teutonic Disaster 9 months ago (edited)
I'd suggest signs like these be put up at the Canadian-American border, but the 'mericans would probably use them for target practice, miss, thereby accidentally shooting up an elementary school and blame it on trans people needing to pee. 🤷♂️ /s
Pink kitty 9 months ago
I thought it said please don't throw your rubbish away here. I don't know where all the "dumb" came from? 🤔
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
It probably was intended to say "dump" instead of "dumb" but whomever translated it made a typo.
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#39
ninjaTrashPandaBoom 9 months ago
4. This could have been an email. You are all now my eternal enemies and will be smited if it's the last thing I ever do.
Kathy Brooke 9 months ago
https://youtu.be/xcuP3VLFj70?si=eHz1Le4m6DsZKGYN
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 9 months ago
Me 20 years ago: I really want to be a Director. Now: I'd rather be poor and have to talk to less people.
Michael Largey 9 months ago (edited)
I learned quite early in my career that a good idea doesn't need a meeting but a bad one often does.
Marina Falkener 9 months ago
Same goes for managers; a good one rarely schedule meetings, while a bad one schedules so many meetings about the work we need to do that we have no time left over to do the work. Also, the good manager brings cookies. The bad manger does not. Trust me. I know managers.
Load More Replies... Donna Peluda 9 months ago
No fun at all. I got dragged into budget meetings when I was doing maintenance, all the responsibility of a manager with basic wage. Upside was that I learnt a bit about budgeting and accounting and it came in handy in other jobs.
DotC 9 months ago (edited)
I don't hate meetings. I hate meetings that happen outside my work schedule. I work at a place that only has them to tell us stuff that is not important about people who are not in my office. I miss a daily or even twice weekly status meeting to at least say "This is how far I got but I am waiting on idiot in other department"
#40
Auntriarch 9 months ago
It's lovely for that, I unhook the shower head and direct it to the body part that's giving me gip
Load More Replies... Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 9 months ago
And here I thought I took long hot showers, because after 21 years as a Firefighter, and being forcibly retired due to OTJI's, I have 7 anchors holding my left shoulder together and 3 holding my right shoulder together. My pain level is always at a 5, I refuse to take narcotic pain medication. And, do not even get me started on the cost of the health insurance offered with my pension.
Maartje 9 months ago
Thank you for your service and dedication * very gentle hug*. I wish the US was better with healthcare.
Load More Replies... TotallyNOTAFox 9 months ago
You should never install a flow heater then ^^
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 9 months ago
What about lonely women who are going through menopause? If I took a long hot shower I'd likely burst in to flames. In fact I may be partly responsible for global warming.
S Bow 9 months ago
I'm responsible for the other part, we sisters of fire are the cause, it's us 🥵
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Simon Chen 9 months ago
No, it is because they can have a shower as long as they want because nobody is telling them to hurry up because they want to shower too
Data1001 9 months ago
I love baths, but it's rare to find a bathtub that's comfortable enough for a 280-lb guy to fit in, let alone relax in. After moving into a new apartment that had a tub after living several years in a place that only had a shower stall, I decided to use the bath the first night -- it was so small for me, I literally was almost unable to get myself out of it. But give me a nice, big free-standing clawfoot tub and I'll happily soak in that thing.
Auntriarch 9 months ago
I've got a sit down bath, its a bit more effort to step into, but it's like sitting in an armchair. It's deep enough that the water comes up to my shoulders. There are lots of sizes, shapes and depths. I've never been sorry we got it
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#41
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
I like ISO 8601: YYYY-MM-DD. That way your files names are always sorted and easily grouped into their correct order
Saint_Zipcodus 9 months ago
It's not every day you read about somebody's preferred International Standard Organisation issue on a website about distraction content.
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Bacon Tentacles 9 months ago
YYYYMMDD. Sorts correctly even as a string. Yes, I am a software developer; why do you ask?
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
If you're a C (or C based language) developer, you also know to start counting at 0. And this is how I count to twenty: 00, 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 0a, 0b, 0c, 0d, 0e, 0f, 10, 11, 12, 13
Load More Replies... turk 9 months ago (edited)
I used to always mess that up when I traveled overseas, usually when entering passport information, and thought it was weird at first. But logically, no one can deny that the DD/MM/YY format makes more sense. Also, although the 12 hour clock format with am and pm is the standard in many places, military time makes much more sense.
B Hobbs 9 months ago
I argue that AM/PM time is not standard in many countries, that 24 hour time is standard. You ask for proof? Look up train and bus schedules in other countries. Those afternoon and evening entries are 24 hour time. There may be an option for AM/PM, but the default is 24 hour. Most other countries understand AM/PM time, but 24 hour time is their default. I am pretty sure that once again most Americans can not handle what the rest of the planet thinks is normal.
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David 9 months ago
The system we have in the US comes from the UK, when back in olden days they would write it out as say March the First, in the year Two-Thousand and Twenty-Five. So when people did numerical shorthand, they did 3/1/2025, and that has stuck around. But it is not the US Alone, the Philippines, Micronesia, Marshall Islands and Palau all use it
Norm Gilmore 9 months ago
The Philippines past history was heavily influenced by America, Palau uses the American dollar as it's currency, Marshall Islands uses the American dollar as it's currency and Micronesia is an independent nation in Free Association with the United States.
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Trisec Tebeakesse 9 months ago
Sorry, it's based on the way we say it. IN the Usa, today is "March second, twenty-twentyfive." So we write it the same way. 03/02/25. Do other countries say "Two March, twenty-twentyfive?"
The Darkest Timeline 9 months ago
It has to do with how Americans say things. Much of the western world says, “It’s the 6th of March, 2025,” while Americans say, “It’s March (the) 6th, 2025.” I get that it’s a bit confusing but once you know how to translate, it’s fine.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 9 months ago
What day is Independence Day again....? Just remind me...
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Rick Seiden 9 months ago
For sorting, the best option is year, month, day. 2025-03-01 will sort properly with other dates.
Tim Steil 9 months ago
My birthday is 4/20. Don't be harshing me with these international quibbles.
Paula Carr 9 months ago
What's with all the Fourth of July stupidity? It's like the only date in the US that's said that way, and it's more like the name of the day instead of numbers. I was recently in the hospital, and they always ask your birthdate. I said it with the full name of the month, so my sister asked why I didn't just use all numbers. The nurse interuppte to say that he prefers someone to use the name of the month, because they get patients from different countries. There's no confusion with the name instead of the number.
Michael Largey 9 months ago
I've never experienced a single day that I'd rate 10/10, birthday or not.
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#42
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
Respect rarely follows this opener. We all know it, but feel compelled to maintain some level of insincere social decorum.
Richard Iachetta 9 months ago
The phrase has nothing to do with earned respect, it always means that the next thing said will be extremely disrespectful
Camilla Koutsos 9 months ago
When I’m feeling snarky I say “with all due respect”, pause, then add “…and not a skerrick more.”
S R Godwin 9 months ago
There's probably a name for phrases that mean the exact opposite....but I am old and forgetful......
Eliyahu Rooff 9 months ago
"With all due respect" is generally an introductory clause for a disrespectful statement.
#43
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
Didn't Hitchcock already do "Angry Seagulls Strike Back"? BTW, they're gulls. Just plain old gull will suffice. Brought to you by the Pedantic Moment.
Chewie Baron 9 months ago
The Argus is the local paper for Brighton & Hove in the UK. They have the best A-board posters!
#44
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
Ahh, the younger generations will never know the greatness that was Word Perfect for DOS. It was, and still is, the greatest text editor.
Bacon Tentacles 9 months ago
5.1, baby. I could do anything and everything, and with an HTML-like markup about 5 years before the web. It. Was. Perfect. No false advertising here. Until they introduced WordPerfect 6 and it sucked balls.
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Joanne Earle 9 months ago
I worked in law offices both in CA and WA, for over 20 years, and we used WordPerfect. I love that program.
DotC 9 months ago
Even PPT does columns! For many years Adobes stuff didn't share features. MS is like p**q your software community. Our stuff is like siblings that hate each other.
Load More Replies... Maggie Fulton 9 months ago
I have worked with MS Word practically since it was released, and I know many tricks to get it to do what I want, but there are still issues that make me condemn its programmers to the depths of fiery hell. Continuous section breaks could have only been created by by a sadist.
Shelley Dawson 9 months ago
I first taught myself Microsoft Word when I was a secretary in the second half of the 80's. I learnt the codes. I can use the program better than people who were taught in the past five years. It is too rigid and works by rules not by style.
turk 9 months ago (edited)
Adobe is just as bad. And still charges a monthly fee. PDF is such a s****y format.
DotC 9 months ago (edited)
You can NOT compare Adobe w MS. Spendy and annoying subscription? yup but its only $600 a year for stuff that costs $1000 individually and mostly works. MS is low rent trash that makes me want to get a time machine and [insert bannable violence] to Bill Gates (for that and newer reasons).
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 9 months ago
Don't get me started. My latest update installed Copilot, an AI "companion" on my MS Word documents. Didn't ask for it. Don't need it. Can't uninstall it. Don't fix the stuff we've been complaining about for decades, just add more cräp we have to put up with. Thanks a bunch.
Mary G 9 months ago
Oh Gosh. That is so true. It is so invasive and I hate it.
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Catherine Maven 9 months ago
... unless you were wise enough (like me) in 2007 to buy the CD of that version, and then have continued to install it (legally!) on every computer you've had since ... Not that it isn't still a piece of $hit, but at least I don't have to pay monthly for it ...
#45
Bacon Tentacles 9 months ago
And, to steal an old joke, all of America eats like they have free health care.
Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l 9 months ago
Ah, but as a Norwegian, I had abt same meal yesterday, and leftovers today. Sooo good! (The smell....mmmm).
Emma B 9 months ago
Interesting how so much of our food the rest of the world calls s**t is traditionally working-class food. Which is actually delicious.
Weasel Wise 9 months ago
You say that as if 99% of the world population isn't working class. 🤔
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 9 months ago
Diarrhea, white bread, and potatoes. Not cool to do that to potatoes. Not cool.
DotC 9 months ago
considering potatoes come from Peru, where they have interesting food.
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Auntriarch 9 months ago
Depends. If it's cooked by my mother, it's delicious. Other places, probably not.
Michael Largey 9 months ago
Britain went to the ends of the earth to establish its empire chiefly to get away from its food.
#46
Hiram's Friend 9 months ago
Keep your eye on the ball, your ear to the ground, and your nose to the grindstone. Now try to work like that.
Kathy Brooke 9 months ago
Needed to supply space for the elephant in the room?
Load More Replies... Nota Robot 9 months ago
I earn a six-figure monthly salary. Unfortunately most of them are decimal places.
Billo66 9 months ago
Slack upvote. My server is obsessed. 3 year utime :)
Load More Replies... #47
ninjaTrashPandaBoom 9 months ago
"Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb!"
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Pandasizing World Peace 9 months ago
Yes, when will Thomas realize he’s the common denominator?
Lena Flising 9 months ago
What? Making money off pseudoscience, while pretending it's actual science? He's not the first, nor will he be the last. Or, if you perceive everyone as an idiot, perhaps YOU'RE THE IDIOT? Could be, could be...
Bad Alchemy 9 months ago
The book series proves something that I have long suspected: We just love to blame others, whenever and wherever, for whatever. I'd rather see a book titled "How to Punch Thomas Erikson in the Face and Make Him Stop Writing this Bilge."
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
At some point, maturity sets in. All these years, pointing the finger at others, only to realize you're the overlapping variable in all the scenarios.
#48
Verena 9 months ago
The beauty of the German language is, that we can keep adding nouns and the word still makes sense. Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftskapitänsmütze.... Donau = Danube (river), dampf = steam, schiffahrt = shipping, gesellschaft = company, kapitän = captain, mütze = cap. The cap of a captain who commands a ship of the Danube shipping company.
Kathrin Pukowsky 9 months ago
I played around with that back in school and came up with "Donaudampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitänskajütenbarhockerbaumwollfüllungsflohbekämpfungsmittelindustrie".
Load More Replies... cerinamroth 9 months ago
Yes - German spelling is very logical. My daughter is 7 and learning German spelling here in Germany. It's so much easier than English! The grammar is complex, but very rule-abiding (as you'd expect...)
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Remi (He/Him) 9 months ago
hilfe = help, gruppen = group, fahrzeug = probably vehicle, transportiert = transports, feuerwehr = fire department, maybe and I have a feeling leitern = ladder. Not that I actually know German
cerinamroth 9 months ago (edited)
You've got the idea! Leiter is ladder, but it's Leistung here. Hilfeleistung - something/someone who provides assistance. The actual translation here (without further research and not being an expert in fire fighting!), i.e. not word-for-word, would be something like "back-up water tender". But the fabulous thing is that no English-speaking kid would know what a water tender was, but every German-speaking kid would know what a Löschgruppenfahrzeug was because of the way the word is put together (I checked with my 3YO boy as a test subject).
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B Hobbs 9 months ago
Read Samuel Clemens' / Mark Twain's "The Awful German Language". Project Gutenberg has it.
Lady Eowyn 9 months ago
"To God I speak Spanish, to women, Italian, and to my horse - German". Charles V (1500 - 1558)
Load More Replies... Ka Se 9 months ago (edited)
As a native germas speaker I would translate it to : "Assistance dowse-group vehicle" And yes, the fire brigade uses these words. And yes, that's what it says in the children's books. And the children like it. It's logical. This is the vehicle that assists the fire engines that put out the fire - because you also learn in these books that the fire brigade does a lot more.
Nosirrow 9 months ago
I've been told many times I hate German only bc of the war and that it's actually a nice, logical language, prettier than Dutch. Hmm, is that so?
Bored Retsuko 9 months ago (edited)
German native here, Dutch sounds like a mix between German and English to me. I do think German is mostly logical, but the articles are not... forget about getting them right, no non-native learner has ever succeeded! (Fork is feminine, knife neutral, spoon masculine... Don't ask me why.)
Load More Replies... #49
olaff 422 9 months ago
Hey, hey, hey, hey, HEY! As a Gen-Xer, I love being forgotten. Don't remind them we exist. Let the Boomers and Zs fight it out.
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JessieJ&LilyLovebug 9 months ago
I don't have a cat. However, I would die for my dog. I would also kill for her...you have been warned.
Trisec Tebeakesse 9 months ago
GenX: I see we're still already dead to everyone, same as always.
Teutonic Disaster 9 months ago
Gen Alpha: I'M GONNA NUKE THE FÜCKING PLANET BECAUSE MY TEACHER WOULDN'T LET ME EAT COOKIES WHILE BALANCING ON ELECTRICAL WIRES!!!1!!1!!!1!! Their parents: You show 'em, kiddo. *goes back to sh!tposting on Instagram*
a person who likes books 9 months ago
as a gen ha I whole heartedly agree with this
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Joe Methuen 9 months ago
Boomers (now aging): I will die because of my Murican healthcare costs
#50
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
She also is wearing baggy sweat pants I believe.
Load More Replies... Nikole 9 months ago
Wait, I have hi-top black Reeboks and they have two Velcro straps at the top. Am I cool? Oh, finally!
Panda Promise 9 months ago
Why is no one mentioning Tom Cruise...that is the only thing I 'see' when this song comes on..
Shaun Coleman 9 months ago
I don't even know what this is talking about. What's a "Shawty"? I assume it's some American slang?
Riley Quinn 9 months ago
Nah, this clown's combining the lyrics of two separate verses. 1st Verse: Shawty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans), Boots with the fur (with the fur). 2nd Verse: Them baggy sweat pants and the Reeboks with the straps (with the straps).
Robert Beveridge 9 months ago
"She's a werewolf" would indeed explain all the rest
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#52
Talis 9 months ago
Actually, the ballon on the right states that it is filled with German cocoa. 😳
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Tom Brincefield 9 months ago
If they have him an adult sized one, he would float away.
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#53
Toggaph de Dratersi 9 months ago
My cage is clean, warm, comfy, spacious, quiet and keeps negative people out.
Nina 9 months ago
Tell me you've had a bad therapist without telling me you've had a bad therapist.
Load More Replies... #54
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
I asked a flight attendant "how is your cat" and she was like "ummm... how did you know I have a cat?". I said, "the scratches on your arms, you either have a cat, or recently got into a fist fight with a weed-wacker, and I guessed that probably wasn't it".
Beak Hookage 9 months ago
I did the same thing at the supermarket once! "You have a cat, don't you?" "OMG how did you know?" "Your arm has scratches all over it". I felt like Sherlock Holmes. XD
Load More Replies... Saint_Zipcodus 9 months ago
"Goodnes me, Mr Holmes, for a moment there I thought you had done something clever."
Aidan Pite 9 months ago
At my high school dry grad, they had a tarot reader. She deduced that I had issues with my parents. Wow, amazing, how could she possibly know that a 17-year-old has that problem?!?
#55
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
Falls under the "Accurate but Useless" category of information. Kind of like the autopsy report will be.
Beak Hookage 9 months ago
I imagine said report will include the phrase "impact crater".
Load More Replies... Donna Peluda 9 months ago
And you don't need a parachute to skydiving, you only need it if you want to go skydiving more then once.
Helen Rohrlach 9 months ago
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is probably not for you.
Pedantic Panda 9 months ago
You probably won't bounce back from that failure.
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Paulo Antonio Moreira 9 months ago
Did you know it's possible, at least once, skydiving without parachute?
Nota Robot 9 months ago
That is in line with the statement "Most parachuting injuries occur during landing".
Michael Largey 9 months ago
Well, they don't want to talk about the people splattered all over the sky by the plane's propeller.
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#57
Colin Matthews 9 months ago
Drop bears are brutal. So much savagery in one furry marsupial...
Load More Replies... Michelle C 9 months ago
I was an AP and Honors student as a kid and absolutely love these types of jokes. I don’t understand how anyone can dislike wordplay!
#58
Tim Fawcett 9 months ago
They've noticed - they are just not saying anything to see how far you will go.
#59
Miki 9 months ago
The problem is, eating a food part is WAY to fast in compare of how long it took to prepare it.
m6nbtfpx7q 9 months ago
Just figuring out what food to eat is such a tedious responsibility I was not prepared for
Chewie Baron 9 months ago
I get depressed when I open my fridge after shopping. It’s full, full of lovely treats, a shít load of cheese, meals, meat, cheese, beer, cheese. Did I mention that I get a lot of cheese? Then I have to start eating it, and it’s no longer full. Still, cheese,
Toggaph de Dratersi 9 months ago
This reality of life has made me gain new respect and appreciation for my parents.
Richard Graham 9 months ago
Then processing that food then expelling the processed food then flushing and cleaning the toilet then having to work to pay for toilet paper and toilet cleaner and toilet brushes and a plumber... The circle of life.
Donna Peluda 9 months ago
Imagen having to grown it, fed it or hunt it yourself. Think of the time you are saving now!!
#60
Bacon Tentacles 9 months ago
And when they inevitably turn on you, then you get to electrocute them.
Nosirrow 9 months ago
People need to understand bad emotions are actually good and there's no reason to avoid them. I once told a therapist that anger is actually a normal and good reaction to being treated unfairly and she didn't believe me. In Polish, the word for angry is the same as the one for evil, so people really don't get that.
#62
Carla Phillips 9 months ago
Hay is for horses, grass is free, buy a farm, you'll get all three
Huddo's sister 9 months ago
My grandad would ask how you were and 'I'm good' wouldn't be the right answer. He would then ask 'but are you well?' Also, he hated that I, as a student teacher, would say 'yeah' or 'yep' instead of yes. Definitely didn't change me.
ALittleKnownGoddess 9 months ago
I did not know that saying 'Hay is for horses' was to stop people from saying 'Hey'. I thought it was a snappy comeback, and still use it. Also in my repertoire: Guess what? Chicken butt. See you later Alligator Nighty-night Sleep tight
Bi.Felicia 9 months ago
I was taught this version... Hey is for horses and also for cows, pigs would eat it too but they don't know how.
#64
SheamusFanFrom1987 9 months ago
*Gathers Uchigatana, Sword of Night and Flame, and Sword of St Trina* Where do I sign up? XP
#65
Bacon Tentacles 9 months ago
If you're having a baby with him, then you're bros with benefits.
Trisec Tebeakesse 9 months ago
*snort* I sometimes like to point out that I never actually asked my now wife to marry me. We kinda looked at each other and went "Let's do this" and picked a date.
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
Makes you wonder what he's doing when he goes "out with the bros".
Nosirrow 9 months ago
I'm conflicted bc a marriage would be ideal but I'm a child of the most divorced parents, so there's no good options.
Nadine Debard 9 months ago
You don't pick up an option in advance, you decide with your partner what suits you both. It may be marriage or not. And not every marriage ends up in divorce. All options may be good!
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#67
turk 9 months ago
Does he have a murdered bear cub and a decapitated whale head in the back of his SUV?
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
IDK, but it doesn't look like RFK Jr in the reflection
Load More Replies... #68
Freddy M. (He/Him) 9 months ago
I like how they didn't cite the source of the question, the thing that most needed citing
#69
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
It says on the package, "This is a cosmetic product, not edible". And it is called "Plant Based Soap with Strawberry Yogurt Fragrance". I can see why an English speaker would be confused. Herbissimo is a Brazilian cosmetics brand, and they make a lot of shampoos and soaps which are plant based. I don't know why they partnered with Mentos, or why I'd want to smell like yogurt.
Teutonic Disaster 9 months ago
You expect an American to a) read the packaging and b) deduce that "produto cosmetico" means "cosmetic product"? Bless your heart.
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cerinamroth 9 months ago
I don't speak Portuguese but "Produto Cosmético" seems pretty clear. Also the feel of it would have that soapy feel as soon as you touched it.
Wang Zhuang 9 months ago
I was gonna say, OP probably could've figured this out if they had bothered to read the whole cover
Load More Replies... Don't listen to me 9 months ago
Well where i live Mentos are peppermints, yogurt & strawberries are obviously food. So I'd definitely try to eat it too.
#70
Glenn Cuneo 9 months ago
I'd eat the Holy Bajesus out dat... add some mustard? EAT LIKE A KING!
Kathy Brooke 9 months ago
But it doesn't hurt to get used to it ahead of the next war. Besides, that's a whole week's cheese ration.
Basko 9 months ago
We will not change our habits only because we are currently in between wars.
Sky Render 9 months ago
Onion and cheese are natural best buds, but I think there's better ways to do that... Like thinner slices of onion, some dijon and pepper, and maybe a bit of mayo as well.
#71
#72
#75
#76
The Darkest Timeline 9 months ago
The cruelest irony is that calories are a unit of energy but are in no way related to how full you feel.
#77
Billo66 9 months ago
Either that or that was just the old way of politely saying eat me.
Load More Replies... Richard Graham 9 months ago
Intense Theological question: "What was Christ's blood type?" We should take communion wine to a lab and have it blood-typed.
Kelly H. Wilder 9 months ago
Also, the wafers are nasty. The grape juice is to wash the bad taste out of your mouth. (Not the religious purpose, of course.)
Data1001 9 months ago
Sorry, I'm a bit hungover today -- a little too much Christ blood yesterday.
Load More Replies... #78
Pernille 9 months ago
I couldn't read past the first line before my eyes started twitching, I hated corporate speech when I worked in IT, now I'll go dig a trench to lay some taters,and feed the chickens.
Auntriarch 9 months ago
Yeah, I'm going up to the attic to sort through my wool stash
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#79
This panda says ur worth it 9 months ago
That's gen alpha plz and thank you
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
K-Smog and Batboy caught flipping a grunt!!
Load More Replies... #80
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
You and I have very different ideas about what looks delicious.
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cerinamroth 9 months ago
I don't like fried chicken at all, but I love ice cream. I'd definitely prefer this!
Chewie Baron 9 months ago
https://www.goldbelly.com/restaurants/life-raft-treats/not-fried-chicken-ice-cream-bucket-9-pieces
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Bored Retsuko 9 months ago
Unrelated but y'all haven't seen the full scope of human aggression until you witness me trying to close one of those F☆CKING ads in these listicles !!!!
Forrest Hobbs 9 months ago
The browser extension uBlock Origin might be some help there. BP, if your ads weren't so intrusive, I wouldn't be using an ad blocker. Think about it.
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D Peterson 9 months ago
Sadly, too true. This is what happens when a group or political party decides to dumb down the entire population so people won't question the lies they are told. And next, we end up with a mentally ill felon in the White House.
Barbara Baldwin 9 months ago
I use kindle fire10. I've never d/l an ad blocker and I've never seen an ad heere
B Jean the Jelly Bean 9 months ago
I'm really tired of the rude references to Christianity. What is wrong with you??
Inservio Smurf 9 months ago
You know you can just tell whoever is forcing you to read these jokes at gunpoint, that you don't like humour.... right? Stand up for yourself! You have the right to decide not to read things you don't find funny, and nobody can stop you! ;)
Load More Replies... Bored Retsuko 9 months ago
Unrelated but y'all haven't seen the full scope of human aggression until you witness me trying to close one of those F☆CKING ads in these listicles !!!!
Forrest Hobbs 9 months ago
The browser extension uBlock Origin might be some help there. BP, if your ads weren't so intrusive, I wouldn't be using an ad blocker. Think about it.
Load More Replies... D Peterson 9 months ago
Sadly, too true. This is what happens when a group or political party decides to dumb down the entire population so people won't question the lies they are told. And next, we end up with a mentally ill felon in the White House.
Barbara Baldwin 9 months ago
I use kindle fire10. I've never d/l an ad blocker and I've never seen an ad heere
B Jean the Jelly Bean 9 months ago
I'm really tired of the rude references to Christianity. What is wrong with you??
Inservio Smurf 9 months ago
You know you can just tell whoever is forcing you to read these jokes at gunpoint, that you don't like humour.... right? Stand up for yourself! You have the right to decide not to read things you don't find funny, and nobody can stop you! ;)
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