With it being officially October and Halloween soon approaching, everyone's in the mood for some early holiday prep: getting their Halloween decorations up, browsing for Halloween costume ideas, and making a list of ghost movies to binge-watch on All Hallows Eve. Yet, there's one more thing missing on the to-do list: a list of scary jokes just to keep the horror meter in check.
According to a recent survey, almost one-quarter of polled Americans revealed that Halloween is one of their favorite holidays. Halloween doesn't cease to be so popular because it satisfies humans' fundamental need to explore and even celebrate the enigmas that frighten us. However, to relieve the tension, the humor element is often needed. Therefore, many horror movies tend to utilize it by throwing some creepy jokes or funny elements into context. This is also why the conjunction of two utterly opposing film genres, horror-comedy, has been making bank at the box office.
So it's fair to say that often, comedy and horror come hand in hand. And for all the adrenaline junkies, the tension and the mix of emotions created by throwing some horror jokes and laughs to neutralize intense scares is precisely what they are looking for. While scary Halloween jokes are not meant to startle, they provide quality entertainment for the fans of the genre and all things ghoulish.
To keep the tension and frights at bay, we've compiled a bunch of ghost jokes and spooky skeleton jokes to tickle your funniest bone! Do you know of any more Halloween jokes? Was there a scary joke you will equip at the upcoming Halloween shindig? Let us know!
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
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"My mom told me that if I watched scary movies, the monster could come out of the TV and haunt the house... so I only watched them at my friends' house."
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Being a baby must be scary. Imagine going to sleep and waking up in Walmart.
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Why are twin witches tricky?
Because you can't figure which witch is which.
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Why was the fart scary?
Because the sound came from the morgue.
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What kind of music are balloons scared of?
Pop music!
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What's comforting and scary at the same time?
A warm toilet seat.
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Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
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Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
They have a lot of spirit!
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What classes do witches love in school?
Spelling!
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What music was the mummy listening to on Halloween?
Wrap music.
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Where do ghosts mostly go on vacations?
Boohamas!
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How do ghosts tell their future?
By reading their horrorscope.
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Where do rich, fashionable ghosts shop?
Boo-tiques!
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What's a ghost's favourite game?
Hide and shriek!
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How can you tell if a vampire has a cold?
He's always coffin!
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What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?
Necktarines!
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"I had a nightmare last night that my Tik Tok account was deleted. It was scary, because for a second I thought I had a Tik Tok account."
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Why are mummies scared to go on vacations?
Because they are scared that they'll relax and unwind!
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A single zombie is scary, but a row of zombies forms something even scarier... a deadline.
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"I swiped left because her Tinder profile looked scary. I was afraid I might get ghosted."
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"My friend wanted a scary movie recommendation. I suggested an inconvenient truth."
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"I always hear about how scary deep sea fish are... but just think of all the pressure they're under!"
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What is in a ghost’s nose?
Boo-gers.
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What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
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Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
They have no body to love.
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What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The grim sweeper.
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What is the witch’s favorite crime show?
America’s Most Haunted.
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What is hot and scary at the same time?
Ghost pepper!
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Why don't ghosts take the stairs but use elevators instead?
Because it raises their spirits.
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What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
Spare ribs.
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What's the worst kind of Halloween decoration?
A Trumpkin!
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If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again, because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
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That "Born to Be Wild" song is actually pretty scary. Especially the part where they find a head out on the highway.
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What do you call it when a group of people survive a deadly plane crash?
Just plane scary.
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What’s the difference between a homeless clown and a scary clown?
One is penniless and the other is Pennywise.
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A man and a little boy are walking into the woods... as darkness falls upon them, the little boy gets scared and says to the man, "It sure is scary in here..." The man says to the boy... "You're telling me, I gotta walk out of here alone!"
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How do you know you've been ghosted?
The poltergeist doesn't text you back.
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Where does a skeleton go for a fun night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
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Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
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What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
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Why did the witch take a nap?
She needed to rest a spell.
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What kind of bread do zombies like?
Whole brain.
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Why don't zombies eat popcorn with their hands?
They eat their hands separately.
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Why aren't zombies ever arrested?
They can't be captured alive.
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Why did the zombie become a mortician?
To put food on the table.
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Who's the scariest body builder of all time?
Dr. Frankenstein.
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What did the skeleton wear to the Halloween party?
A human costume!
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What do you call zombies in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
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What's a zombie's favorite weather?
Cloudy, with a chance of brain.
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Do you find birds to be scary?
Imagine Dragons!
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What starts with T and ends in X and adults are the most scared of it?
Tax.
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What makes cheese Frankenstein so scary?
Because he's a Muenster!
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Why are Halloween French pastries so scary?
Because they give you crepes.
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What happened when the lady didn't pay her exorcist on Halloween?
Her house was repossessed.
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What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Spooketti.
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What are vampires scared of most of the time?
Tooth decay!
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Where do ghosts buy their essentials from?
Ghost-ery store.
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What's fruits do ghosts love the most?
Boo-berries.
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Where do mummies like to go for a swim?
To the Dead Sea.
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Why do vampires love baseball?
Because they turn into bats each and every night.
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What’s big, furry and has eight wheels?
A monster on roller skates!
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Did you hear about the giant monster who ate too many houses?
He was homesick!
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Are there any Halloween monsters who are good at maths?
Nope, unless you Count Dracula!
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Did you all see the new scary about the killer cow?
It was horror-bull.
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What do you call a really scary horse that only appears after the sun has set?
A nightMARE!
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"I had a scary dream last night. I dreamed that I woke up dead. I was so scared I was beside myself."
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What did the scary old lady say when she found a gold cauldron?
"I’m gonna be witch."
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What’s Gordon Ramsey’s favorite scary movie?
"Get out".
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"I was walking home late one night when I saw dozens of giant cupcakes and pies everywhere. It was kind of scary. The streets were oddly desserted."
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You go to a really scary haunted house, what do you wear?
Depends... no seriously, depends.
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"My printer has started printing scary stories in the middle of the night. Somehow they’re all in Braille. It’s giving me goosebumps."
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What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?
Get a broom!
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Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
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What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume?
Ryan Gauzeling.
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How do vampires get around on Halloween?
On blood vessels.
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What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem.
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How does a witch style her hair?
With scare spray.
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What do you call a witch with a rash?
An itchy-witchy.
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Where do ghouls send their post?
The Ghost Office!
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Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.
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How do you get rid of demons?
Exorcise a lot.
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What was the chicken ghost's name?
Poultrygeist.
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What's a zombie's favorite treat?
You might guess brain food, but it's actually eye candy.
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What's scarier than a scary movie?
Mathematics homework!
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What's the best dessert you can have alone after watching a scary movie?
Eye scream!
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What do you call a big, prejudiced, scary clown?
A big IT.
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Why was Tom scared of making friends?
Because of the fear of getting ghosted.
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When was the turkey scary?
When it was goblin!
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What's empty-headed and orange and always tries to be scary?
Jack O'lantern.
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Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
In the blood bank.
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Where do ghosts mostly trick-or-treat?
At dead ends.
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What do you call witches living together?
Broom-mates!
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Why can't ghosts ever be good at lying?
Because one can see through them.
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What would you call the spiders who married on Halloween?
Newly webbed!
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What do ghosts clean their hair with?
Shamboo!
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What toppings do ghouls love on their ice cream?
Lemon and slime.
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What's a ghost's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet.
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How did the skeleton know there was going to be a rain storm?
They could feel it in their bones!
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Why did the ghost keep coming back to the library?
He went through his books too quickly!
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Did you hear my rubbish mummy joke?
It Sphinx!
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What do you get if you cross a sea monster with a duck?
A quacken!
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How do the fastest witches in the world get around?
On vroomsticks!
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Why don't they play music in a skeleton church?
Because there are no organs!
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How do ghosts like their eggs?
Terrifried!
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What monster fits on the end of your finger?
A bogeyman!
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What did the skeleton say to the waiter?
Can I have an orange juice and a mop, please!
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How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Tickle her funny bone!
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What's long, hard and scary when you first see it?
Calculus homework.
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You know what’s scary about a white man in prison?
You know he actually committed the crime.
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Unlike Stephen King's stories, there is nothing scary about his son. He's been Joe King ever since he was born.
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One cow asked the another, "Have you heard of this mad cow disease? The news sounds so scary."
The other cow replied, "Doesn't bother me, man. I'm a helicopter."
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"I’ve just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is about to happen… I can feel it…"
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"The Grim Reaper appeared beside me when I was chopping some carrots in the kitchen. He took his scythe and started chopping the carrots with me... very scary when you are dicing with death."
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It would be really scary if politicians worked shiftwork. There would be so many night mayors.
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Why is no one scary the day before turning ten?
Because they benign.
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You know what's a scary thought?
Bear in mind...
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My friend had some really nice work gloves on the other day.
I ask him, “What kind of gloves are those?”
He says, “Cow hide.”
I said, “What’s so scary about cows?”
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What do scary pandas eat?
BamBOO!
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"I had a scary math joke... but I'm 2^2 to say it."
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What did the package say to the scary 18 wheeler?
I'm not a freight.
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Why do ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
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Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
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Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
It didn’t have a haunting license.
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Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
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Why did the ghost quit studying?
Because he was too ghoul for school.
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How do you know when a ghost is sad?
He starts boo hooing.
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What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car?
Fasten your sheet-belts.
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What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts?
A Pharaoh Roche.
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How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
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What's a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?
Vein-illa.
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Why are vampires bad at art?
They are only able to draw blood.
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Know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
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What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
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What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.
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What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry?
She flew off the handle.
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What's a witch's favorite makeup?
Ma-scare-a.
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How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
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What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaains!
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Why don't werewolves ever know the time?
Because they're not whenwolves.
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Why was the cemetery chosen to be the perfect location to write a movie?
Because it had great plots.
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What's a zombie's favorite cheese?
Zom-brie.
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What health insurance do Halloween creatures use?
Medi-scare.
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What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
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Why do we carve pumpkins at Halloween?
Because they have less blood and aren’t as messy as animals.
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Do you want to know the scariest mathematics joke?
"I can't tell you. I'm 22 to say it."
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If there was a scary Halloween dessert that kept coming back, what would you call it?
A boo-meringue.
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"Do you like punchlines about scary cows?"
"I find them to be terror bull."
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Why did the ghost enter the wine shop on Halloween?
For the boos.
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What kind of keys do ghosts use for unlocking scary doors?
Spoo-key!
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What happened to the ghost who got lost in the fog?
He was mist!
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Whom did the vampire take to the prom?
His ghoul friend!
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Why can't mummies make friends?
Because they are too wrapped up in themselves.
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What was the baby ghost wearing on Halloween?
A pillowcover!
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
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What's do you call a cross between the Abominable Snowman and pasta?
Spag-yeti!
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"I went to a Halloween party dressed as deodorant... but everyone kept asking me if I was sure!"
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"I went to a Halloween party dressed as a shark... the novelty is wearing a little fin!"
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What makes people run but isn’t scary?
A treadmill.
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"I always said that I would never ever go walking dark scary tunnels in the earth. But eventually I caved."
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What do you call a scary person who likes to rip things?
A tear-er.
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Current times are scary. We must rise up against it. We need current times resistance. We need voltage.
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Two guys are sitting on a couch watching a reality cop show. One of them says: "World outside is so brutal, Jesus Christ, so violent and scary. I don't think I can go outside ever again." His friend: "At some point we have to! I'm afraid the homeowners are coming home soon."
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Bad musicians can be scary. But their Bach is worse than their bite.
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Why are yachts and ships so scary?
Because they're for boating.
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"I had a scary moment when I was opening my new expensive furniture with a stanley knife. I damn near slit my shelf."
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Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted everyone scared stiff.
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Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
He heard it had great circulation.
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What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
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What is a zombie sleepover called?
Mass grave.
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Why was the jack-o'-lantern scared?
Because it had no guts.
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What do ghosts wear if they can't see?
Spooktacles!
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Where do you bury a roast dinner?
In a gravy-yard!
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What’s a skeleton’s favorite board game?
Tibial Pursuit.
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What do girls fear that's big, scary, and pink?
The Alaskan Bull Worm.
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