It's that time of the year again when skeletons come out of the closets, pumpkin sales go booming, and taking candy from strangers becomes socially acceptable. Whether you are attending a Halloween shindig, DIYing your kid a costume, or taking advantage of candy sales, there's no better time to indulge in some Halloween jokes and ghostly humor than now.
When the days get shorter and evenings get darker, it's a grave idea to lighten the mood with some funny Halloween jokes! And if you are not a particular fan of horror films or ghost movies, don't worry! There's no need to be a phobophile to enjoy some skeleton jokes, as they are not scary or creepy. But surely hell-a punny and deadly contagious!
So while we Pandas bring ourselves some bam-boo, get yourself a bag of candy corn and delight yourself in some corny humor with our collection of Halloween jokes. Found a Halloween joke you will send your ghoul friend? Let us know! And once you're done reading through these ghost jokes, check out our recent posts featuring even more scary jokes and morbid humor!
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
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Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
They have no body to love.
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How do mummies tell their future?
They read their horror-scope.
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What does a panda ghost eat?
Bam-BOO!
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How do you know you've been ghosted?
The poltergeist doesn't text you back.
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How do ghosts send letters?
Through the ghost office.
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Why don’t mummies take time off?
They’re afraid to unwind.
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What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Wrap music.
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What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
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Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
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What do you call zombies in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
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What brand of shampoo do zombies use?
Head and Shoulders.
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What do you call a movie about zombies finding true love?
A zom-com.
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How do you get rid of demons?
Exorcise a lot.
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Who's the scariest body builder of all time?
Dr. Frankenstein.
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What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"
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What did the fisherman say on Halloween?
"Trick or trout."
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Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.
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The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-pictures because his heart wasn't in it.
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Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
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What room does a ghost not need in a house?
A living room.
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Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch?
He couldn’t spell.
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What do you call two witches who live together?
Broom-mates!
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What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts?
I don't know, but it's not working.
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Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store!
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How do you know when a ghost is sad?
He starts boo hooing.
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Why don’t mummies have friends?
Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
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What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts?
A Pharaoh Roche.
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Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
Because he was coffin too much.
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Know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
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What do skeletons order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
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Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
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What kind of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures.
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What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry?
She flew off the handle.
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What do you call a witch with a rash?
An itchy-witchy.
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Why was the jack-o'-lantern scared?
Because it had no guts.
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What did the pumpkin say to its carver?
"Cut it out!"
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Why don't zombies eat popcorn with their hands?
They eat their hands separately.
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What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaains!
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I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very humerus.
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Why don't I like Dracula?
He's a pain in the neck.
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Why don't werewolves ever know the time?
Because they're not whenwolves.
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Why does a witch ride a broomstick?
So she can make a clean getaway.
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Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only Halloween.
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What happened to the man who didn't pay his exorcist?
The house was repossessed.
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Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
Because she had bad blood.
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What is in a ghost’s nose?
Boo-gers.
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What's a ghost's favorite dessert?
I-Scream!
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What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car?
"Fasten your sheet-belts."
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What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume?
Ryan Gauzeling.
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What's a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?
Vein-illa.
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Where does a skeleton go for a fun night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
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What's a skeleton's favorite song?
"Bad to the Bone."
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What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
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What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.
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What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
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What's a witch's favorite makeup?
Ma-scare-a.
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Why was Cinderella bad at football?
Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
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Why did the pumpkin take a detour?
To avoid a seedy part of town.
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How do you mend a jack-o'-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
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What does a carved pumpkin celebrate?
Hollow-een.
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What's a pumpkin's favorite Western?
The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly.
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How do gourds grow big and strong?
Pumpkin iron.
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Why don't zombies like pirates?
They're too salty.
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What's a zombie's favorite weather?
Cloudy, with a chance of brain.
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Why did the zombie become a mortician?
To put food on the table.
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Why aren't zombies ever arrested?
They can't be captured alive.
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What sea do zombies swim in?
The dead sea.
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What's a zombie's favorite cheese?
Zom-brie.
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What kind of bread do zombies like?
Whole brain.
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What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines.
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What do dentists hand out at Halloween?
Candy. It's good for business.
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Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?
The crossing gourd.
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What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Candy corneas.
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Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
They have a lot of spirit!
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What does the vampire's Valentine say?
"You're just my blood type."
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Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Ivana!
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood!
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Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's Halloween?
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Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Figs!
Figs who?
Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking!
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Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Witch!
Witch who?
Witch one of you has my candy?
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Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice Cream who?
Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
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Where do fashionable ghosts shop?
Bootiques.
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How do you know vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
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Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
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What do skeletons fly around in?
A scareplane or a skelecopter.
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How do ghosts search the Web?
They use ghoul-gle.
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Why didn't the zombie go to school?
He felt rotten!
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What type of plates do skeletons like to use?
Bone china.
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What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
"Let’s stop in for a cool one!"
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The skeleton decided to bone up on the facts for the big exam.
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How do vampires start their letters?
"Tomb it may concern..."
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Why do ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures
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Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos.
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Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
It didn’t have a haunting license.
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Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted everyone scared stiff.
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Why did the ghost quit studying?
Because he was too ghoul for school.
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What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?
"Get a broom!"
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What's a ghost's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
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What kind of horse do ghosts ride?
A night-mare.
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Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
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Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
He heard it had great circulation.
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How do vampires get around on Halloween?
On blood vessels.
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What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem.
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How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
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Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers?
They hate stakeholders.
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Why are vampires bad at art?
They are only able to draw blood.
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What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The grim sweeper.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the scary movie?
He didn't have the guts.
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What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
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Where did the skeleton keep his money?
In the crypt-o market.
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What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
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Why did the witch take a nap?
She needed to rest a spell.
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What do witches get when their shoes are too tight?
Candy corns.
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How does a witch style her hair?
With scare spray.
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What's the problem with twin witches?
You never know which witch is which.
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How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
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What's a pumpkin's favorite genre?
Pulp fiction.
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What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth.
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Why was the gourd so gossipy?
To give 'em pumpkin to talk about.
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What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash.
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Who helped the little pumpkin cross the road?
The crossing gourd.
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Where does a pumpkin preach?
From the pulp-it.
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Why did he jack-o-lantern fail out of school?
Someone scooped his brains out.
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What's a zombie's favorite treat?
You might guess brain food, but it's actually eye candy.
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Where do zombies live?
On a dead-end street.
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How do you know if a zombie likes someone?
They ask for seconds.
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What is a zombie sleepover called?
Mass grave.
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I dropped my pumpkin yesterday.
Jack-o-lantern? More like crack-o-lantern!
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How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know but you really shouldn't be in the dark with a cannibal.
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What was the chicken ghost's name?
Poultrygeist.
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Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Iguana.
Iguana who?
Iguana eat all your candy.
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Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Phillip!
Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy!
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Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Eddie!
Eddie who?
Eddie body home? It's Halloween!
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What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
Spooktacles.
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Where do ghosts go on holidays?
The Boohamas.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin.
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What did the bird say on Halloween?
"Twick or tweet."
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What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
"Buckle your sheet belt!"
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What goes "Ha-ha-ha-ha!" right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing?
A monster laughing its head off!
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What has hundreds of ears but can't hear a thing?
A cornfield!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?
A fence.
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Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
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Who do monsters buy cookies from?
Ghoul scouts.
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Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
Because there are so many plots there!
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What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween?
A night mare.
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Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
Because they have spirit.
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How do monsters like their eggs?
Terror-fried.
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The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
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