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You know we’ve hit peak absurdity when Onion headlines barely register as satire anymore. These days, they read more like sobering journalism compared to the relentless chaos real life keeps throwing our way.
For proof, look no further than the Instagram account Not The Onion. It’s a nonstop feed of news stories so bizarre you’ll wish they were fake. Check them out below—we’re still not sure if they’re meant to make you laugh or cry.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Son of Philosoraptor 5 months ago
We're in the Just Lie and fire anyone with ethics stage of the collapse of the American Empire.
Beak Hookage 5 months ago
Can that brainworm please hurry up and finish the job? The guy actively wants people to DIE.
David 5 months ago
63 of the 85 studies they cited do not exist, 11 do not say what they claimed it said. so 74 of 85 used arent real. How a left-wing (yes, he politically is still pretty left) environmental lawyer got hooked up with MAGA, I dont know. And don't know how he got HHS, when his whole career is not only enviromentalism, but 3 of Trumps most loyal MAGA members in Congress are board certified doctors he could have given HHS too (you know trump will only pick loyal to him, to a loyal MAGA congressman who is a doctor would have worked out well)
Binny Tutera 5 months ago
He got hooked up with Trump because he has a recognizable name and he “sold” himself to whoever would give him a political position. GOP doesn’t care if he’s a looney-toon- look who their president is!!!
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michael Chock 5 months ago (edited)
That's what AI gets you. Put people who know things in administrative roles. Just because you've seen someone on TV does not mean they can run a branch of the government.
RELATED:
#2
eric p 5 months ago
And yet, the US has more colleges in the top 25 world ranking than any other country, and 31 out of the top 50.... Stop lumping the backwards, inbred, red states with the rest of us
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ColdSteelRonin 5 months ago
They are contrails, not chemtrails. Condensation trails caused by water vapor condensing in the engines. Bloody idiots.
BrunoVI 5 months ago
And not one state ever said anything about "chemtrails." They are banning cloud seeding, which despite TACO's claims about cloud seeding being ineffective, are being done in all ten arid U.S. states, with taxpayer money. But TACO confuses "disputed effectiveness" with "repeatedly proven ineffective" and therefore harmless.
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Stephanie Did It 5 months ago
I'd be worried more about tea drinkers. There are a lot more chemtrails issuing from teapots than aircraft.
#3
Zoe Vokes 5 months ago
I looked it up and he was left in an unsupervised holding cell attached to the courthouse and jail (which didn’t even have a bed, only a bench). He had committed a murder in 1984, served his time in jail and was paroled in 2010. He was arrested for a misdemeanour charge when this incident happened.
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Janissary35680 5 months ago
The A&E network has a funny little half-hour show called "My strange arrest" that uses donated cop cam videos of people arrested for doing weird and bizarre things. Each segment begins with a map of the US and zooming in on the state where the video is from. Florida is almost certain to appear at least once and often does a couple of times.
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Tom Brincefield 5 months ago
He was in a cell, so his patience was irrelevant.
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megabeth 5 months ago
My first thought! Good ol Florida. (Unrelated but uptown Stephan?)
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Rali Meyer 5 months ago
with up to 20.000 inmates, I can relate. We have prisoner transport to court every morning.
“Study Reveals: Babies Are Stupid.” “World Death Rate Holding Steady At 100 Percent.” “CIA Realizes It’s Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years.”
There’s no mistaking an Onion headline; these are classics. Except, of course, for those moments when reality decides to cosplay them a little too well.
At this point, The Onion has become such a cultural touchstone that we often compare real life to The Onion, not the other way around.
#4
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Leave the furries alone!! Can we normalize letting people be themselves and be happy? Please?
Margaret Wartime 5 months ago (edited)
I’m not in the furry community and I honestly personally think they can be a little odd sometimes. But I will fight tooth and nail for their right to do what they’re doing 😂 I’ll bleed for the furries, freedom is freedom. They’re happy, please let them be happy! If the world didn’t have so many different interesting folks, it would be a very boring place. I’ve had some really interesting talks with furry folks before and I’d never tolerate anyone talking sht. Just leave people alone, there’s so many different genres of human beings out there. Live and let live 🥰 we all find joy in different ways.
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TotallyNOTAFox 5 months ago
Oh, there are probaly a lot of furries in schools - just not wearing their suits XD
Peter Bear 5 months ago
This is intentional. MAGA needs problems to throw at their cult so that they seem like they're actually doing something. And since they're all incompetent, they have to create imaginary problems to solve. It's straight out of 'The Music Man'; blame the pool tables so that you can sell the people a brass band.
Rosecrucian Roeth 5 months ago
Only in Murica can you ban something without any evidence that it exists...................
The Darkest Timeline 5 months ago
It happens all the time in paranoid, authoritarian governments
Load More Replies... fruitloopdingus 5 months ago
so they were trying to ban something they shouldn’t worry about???
Phil Green 5 months ago
No reports of furries sexualising children either, but they voted for someone that does...
Fire Singer 5 months ago
I watched the video of this exchange, it's INSANE! The whole thing is really about "litter boxes in school" more than furries (unless this is referencing something else and I'm mistaken) and he keeps getting asked to give proven examples of this happening and, go figure, he can't.
TTorrest Author 5 months ago
Widely discussed, so maybe everyone already knows, but jic: The "litter boxes in schools" is sometimes a real thing! But not for furries; supposedly some classrooms will keep a bag of litter in the storage closet in case of emergencies to use as a makeshift bathroom, like for when there's a long-term lockdown during a school shooting. 'Merica!!!
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Beak Hookage 5 months ago
"Our power and reputation is more important than children, obviously."
Ryan Mercer 5 months ago (edited)
To be clear, this isn't about conduct within the church. It's about what people say inside confessional booths. The church believes it is sacrosanct and only between the confessor and the priest. And before you criticize that, realize that similar fights have occurred with the psychology profession. Basically, the concern is that if psychologists or priests are required to report, then who would ever seek voluntary therapy or go to confession? It's a legitimate concern, and to be fair, no one is saying that priests aren't reporting. But right now they can do it discretely. If you make it law, then perpetrators know to stay silent.
Stella D 5 months ago
This is a well thought out response that sought be much higher
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KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
The Catholic Church is falling hard…this does not surprise me one bit.
Littlemiss 5 months ago
It would take away the time they use to do it to the children in the first place so they object, obviously.
#6
Beak Hookage 5 months ago
Then put your money where your mouth is and QUIT, you ignorant tardigrade.
Toggaph de Dratersi 5 months ago
Please don't insult the intellect of Tardigrades :(
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Michael Largey 5 months ago
I don't think people should be taking directions to the bathroom from him.
So how did this satirical powerhouse earn its place as the ultimate benchmark for absurdity? How did a media outlet named after a layered vegetable end up producing one-liners everyone recognizes instantly?
Given how on-point they are with modern humor, you might assume The Onion popped up in the early 2000s.
But the story actually begins in 1988, when University of Wisconsin–Madison students Tim Keck and Christopher Johnson decided to launch a weekly print newspaper for satirical news—yes, The Onion.
#7
Michael Largey 5 months ago (edited)
They've had lots of experience at it. They practiced slavery for hundreds of years and went to war maintain it.
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Ozymandias73 5 months ago
Ummmm....going out on a limb here, but, they can't do that, Can they?
tori Ohno 5 months ago (edited)
Not if it's a public school. If it's a private school, there might be some sort of "behavior" loophole they might try to use.
Load More Replies... Rosecrucian Roeth 5 months ago
Murica, the ............................whatever.................you can only go so low, then you just die.
#8
JB 5 months ago
And Mad Men, and the Sopranos, and Goodfellas, and Family Guy, and Cartman from South Park, and countless other stories where it is either satire or about someone's downfall for being a t**t, but instead they only see the trappings of power and that's all they care about. This is why I have 12 yr old students who admire Hitler smh
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Julia Ford 5 months ago (edited)
Huey Lewis and the News! Their early work is too new wave.
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KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Many folks didn’t understand Napoleon Dynamite either…I love hearing cheerleaders say they love that movie lol…derp! :D
eric p 5 months ago
That's because it's just a bad movie. Didn't laugh once in theaters. It's nothing more than a comedy designed for people too "edgy" or "nonmainstream"
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Min 5 months ago
I wouldn't go around telling people that "masculinity" is too big a word for you.
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#9
Linda Robinett 5 months ago
Show me your papers! ICE! I found out that one of my umpteen great grandfathers was an indentured servant and came over in the 1600's.
Rich Black 5 months ago
Isnt a deputy just some buddy of the sheriff who joins the possee in his street cloher after getting a badge? That's how it works in "The Rifleman" . . .
Keck had a newsroom pedigree: both his parents worked for The Hammond Times, and he’d already teamed up with cartoonist James Sturm to sell monthly calendars featuring Daily Cardinal comic characters.
The idea for a full-on satirical paper came from The Daily Cardinal’s annual April Fools’ parody issue.
#10
Bill Swallow 5 months ago
I think ya got yer tenses mixed up there, Chief.
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Jrog 5 months ago
WSFA is in Alabama TV network. Alabama is consistently in the bottom 10 states for education, and has an average IQ in the population a full 5 points lower than the US average, being fourth last in the country after Mississipi, Louisiana and New Mexico
Sarah M. 5 months ago
TO BE FAIR, the criteria for recognizing a Real ID here in the states is that it has a gold star on it.
Rosecrucian Roeth 5 months ago
Slowly we sank.............step by step................................
Justme Again 5 months ago
inch by inch.......until we became a nation run by and for the benefit of a bunch of m0 rons.
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Miss Ann Thrope 5 months ago
I had to buy a textbook at college. They needed a photo ID. I realized I forgot my DL in my car. So I presented my Costco ID. They accepted it.
Antonio Pinocchio 5 months ago
You mean it isn't? this is American as it gets! A known hero slipped on PEEPEE at the Costco FFS!
#11
Reemerger 5 months ago
I posted this on facebook as I don't plan any U.S. visits as long as the orange geriatric toddler is in office.
Roxy222uk 5 months ago
As a shield to make sure you don’t accidentally get transported in to the US against your will. You’ll just bounce.
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KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Some of us do! I assure you we’re not all bad here!
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KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Some parts are truly beautiful and worth seeing (Grand Canyon for one)…other parts not so much :(
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Grenelda Thurber 5 months ago
How is one "caught" with a meme? Was it in his Facebook feed or something?
veirdbuttrue 5 months ago
Apparently they search your social media so, yes
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Beak Hookage 5 months ago
The Free Speech Party hates it so much when people use their right to free speech in order to disagree with them.
Anthony Elmore 5 months ago
I feel like it's less about speech and more about blocking traffic. If you've got cars behind you and a mob in front of you, you're pretty much trapped. I'm not going to be less trapped regardless of whether or not I agree with the mob. Blocking traffic is an awful idea, mostly because of the potential of blocking emergency traffic, but also because you're just disrupting the lives of everyone using that road. I'd argue that you shouldn't just run them down, but they have no right to keep other people trapped in and they're the ones blocking traffic. You drive slowly enough not to injure anyone on contact, and beyond that it's their responsibility to move out of the way when they see a car slowly rolling forward.
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BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
I've been hearing this phrase a lot in the American press "if there is an election in 2028...". I am not confident Trump will be voted out of office.
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AisForRebel 5 months ago
Do you want to be caught in a violent protest and not have the ability to flee?
Rhino 5 months ago
Exactly. If my car is surrounded by a mob, and they are beating on my car and trying to open the doors, especially if my family is in the car, I will turn them into road bumps.
Load More Replies... Rosecrucian Roeth 5 months ago
It never ceases to amaze me just how quickly and easily a country and a people can sink into the depths of depravity :(
Julia Ford 5 months ago
67 people like this comment that he should be run over. I am seriously grossed out.
Load More Replies... Zoe Vokes 5 months ago
And when someone does that and is arrested for using a car as a weapon / for mųrder or attempted mųrder then Ron will make sure they’re not jailed? Or when the driver is sued by the injured parties for their hospital bills then Ron will pay for their attorneys and any settlements?
nottheactualphoto 5 months ago
Desantis is a steaming puddle of diseased feces. In my humble opinion.
The Darkest Timeline 5 months ago
I’m not against protest in the least but nobody has a right to block others from going about their business; that is a civil rights violation, even the Westboro Baptist Church understood that. They don’t deserve to be run over but they should be arrested. What’s that you say? If I can’t impede others, the protest wouldn’t be as effective? Tough noogies; you have a right to peaceful protest, not effective protest.
As for the name? The stories vary.
Keck says it came from eating a lot of onion sandwiches. Early contributor Scott Dikkers claims it was “newspaper slang in the 1930s for a juicy, multi-layered story.” Editor Cole Bolton insists it was poking fun at a nearby campus bulletin called The Union.
Take your pick, it’s all delightfully ridiculous.
#13
I Need More Espresso 5 months ago
I am unenthusiastic about a stranger deciding to judge if I or any other woman is adequately feminine to use a restroom. So much for "protecting women"
BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
It was never about protecting women, and we've always known that.
Load More Replies... Verena 5 months ago
Womens bathrooms (toilets) always have separate cubicles, so what's the problem?
Sally Moen 5 months ago
The presumption is that a male predator will boldly enter a women's bathroom and SA a minor child
Load More Replies... Jaya 5 months ago
This is what trans people have been warning against the whole time: bathroom bans will impact cis women really badly too.
Fransanchez 5 months ago
I'm really worried for transgirls...... What/who is going to stop the perb attacking her when she is forced to go to the boys toilets?!?!?!?!
Load More Replies... KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
I understand security officers have a job to do, however, last time I checked PROVING s*x requires visual confirmation of body parts. This is a SA claim waiting to happen. My guess is the hotel probably doesn’t want their employee to do these things.
Austzn 5 months ago
Everything about actually policing restrooms like that seems highly illegal in a number of different ways.
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Austzn 5 months ago
We need to convert all of these s****y gendered multi stall rooms into single-occupancy ones. It's literally just sanctioned discrimination in the same way "colored" facilities were in the not too distant past. Anyone think it isn't? It's just trading bias of 1 part of the body for another.
#14
Zoe Vokes 5 months ago
I wonder if she was on the list because her name was written on an immigration form as an attorney and someone wrote down her details instead of her client’s.
Michael Largey 5 months ago
More likely the current administration would like to deport, intimidate, or tie up in legal procedures anyone who represents the rights if immigrants.
Load More Replies... Peter Bear 5 months ago
Wake up, idiots. This is real, happening now in real time. American citizens are being targeted, kidnapped, and illegally deported because the orange turdstain doesn't like them. You're next.
Tamra 5 months ago
The Chump administration will be famous for unprecedented levels of incompetency and corruption.
Bill Swallow 5 months ago
Only if there's anyone left who's literate enough to write a history.
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Michael Largey 5 months ago
Surely the current Supreme court will back her up.
Load More Replies... Binny Tutera 5 months ago
It’s illegal. Plain and simple. But when has that ever stopped the GOP?
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Paul Gerrard 5 months ago
This is what germany in the 30s and 40s would have been if they had computers
Puppy Dancing! 5 months ago
Apparently this happened to many immigration attorneys. DOGE so smert
#15
JB 5 months ago
She's not, though. The person getting sued has been relentless in their harassment. Sometimes you need to stop the conspiracy theories before someone shoots up a pizza place.
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Angarade 5 months ago
And if she was ? I'm more outraged by the fact she started dating him when he was 15 and she was 40...
Jerome Lenovo 5 months ago
this is an old conspiracy theory from the p3d0-fascists (of course). Meanwhile we don't speak about the fact he was 14 when she groomed him. She was 38.
winterwidow87 5 months ago (edited)
Idk why you're being downvoted, she has 3 kids from her first husband. One of her daughters was in the same class as Macron when they met.
Load More Replies... SchadenFreudian Psychology 5 months ago
Why should anybody care what Candace Owens thinks? In an intelligent world, she’d be mocked and ignored into silence.
By 1989, Keck and Johnson sold the paper to Dikkers, along with advertising manager Peter Haise and typesetter Jonnie Wilder, for $16,000.
Dikkers went on to serve as The Onion’s longest-running editor-in-chief, from 1988–1999 and again from 2005–2008.
#16
Don Adams 5 months ago
At 98, that man has more cool and bad-assery than most folks 2/5 of his age! That is a soldier I would gladly follow
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Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 5 months ago
Ken Turner is 98 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lw4ZjhOukwU
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#17
Geoffrey Scott 5 months ago
IMO, they could do with Jon Stewarrt writing their platform arguments. He is the master of highlighting hypocricy.
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Johnnynatfan 5 months ago
I see nothing wrong with this. You cant fight fascism by being nice.
Beak Hookage 5 months ago
No-one ever stopped tyranny and oppression by asking nicely, and any Democrat who still thinks a strongly-worded letter is going to make a blind bit of difference is either a fool or a coward. Probably both.
BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
Looking at you Sen. Schumer and Rep. Jeffries
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Ann Kapoxeet 5 months ago
How about any politician who remembers the reason we have 3 branches of government? We need someone who can emphatically educate Americans on how checks and balances work.
Snazzy Smurf 5 months ago
Come on now, you know those are just suggestions. /s
Load More Replies... TotallyNOTAFox 5 months ago (edited)
Or maybe focus on topics that are actually important for the people and not purely based on ideology and Social Media trends? Voters look for solutions to their problems, failing to provide them leads to idiots like Trump getting into office by promising those (regardless of ability to deliver them)
michael Chock 5 months ago
They're afraid that defending democracy might come across as confrontational
Rosecrucian Roeth 5 months ago
Actually, I'd like them to be more adult and say things that are meaningful, and say them out loud too!
CartoonCasey 5 months ago
At least use foul language. In fact, if they are so eager to go backwards in time, bring back duels and fist fights in congress. They already brought in the confederacy. And nullified the ability to do anything legally about it. So punching them is well within the realm of good taste.
Peter Bear 5 months ago
Agreed. Being nice doesn't work in politics and never has. You can't win unless you can beat the other guy at their own game. So... be mean and vicious. Cheat. Get back in power... and then do better with it.
#18
Michael Largey 5 months ago (edited)
No class of mine ever misbehaved badly enough to deserve the punishment of watching me dance.
megabeth 5 months ago
Im trying to figure out if I'm surprised or not that you were/are a teacher... Honestly could go either way 50/50.....
Load More Replies... Reemerger 5 months ago
I don't get the bushy eyebows thing. We had Breshnyev. It was not a good look then, on an old guy.
Roxy222uk 5 months ago
Each to their own, and everyone’s face is their own business, but I also don’t get the lip fillers thing either. It changes people’s speech and you can actually hear that they’ve had their lips done, aside from the fact it doesn’t look ‘better’.
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BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
My favorite teachers were often drunk and swore at students. The Macarena is just a bonus
Load More Replies... KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Bahahaha! I don’t know why but this really hit the funny bone this morning! :D
James016 5 months ago
For an extra laugh she should have explained what the song is really about
BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago (edited)
I went and read the lyrics, having never really paid attention before. It's not that crazy. Seems that this girl is sleeping with her boyfriend's friends while he's serving in the military. The chorus does sound like it's going to be about másturbation
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UKGrandad 5 months ago
Yes. 'Gofalwch am' is 'Take care of' and 'a chi'ch hunan' is 'and you yourself'.
Load More Replies... Over time, the writers realized traditional news practically begged to be parodied, with its stiff language, rigid tone, and a self-seriousness that made jokes land even harder.
Dikkers summed it up best: “In a world that seems to make less and less sense, as time goes on, it made sense that the ‘newspaper of record’ should also not make sense.”
The Onion, he explained, was born to publish “fake articles, fake reports, and overall outright, damnable lies” because, in a “post-truth world,” fake news sometimes feels like the only thing that makes sense.
#19
Motivated sloth 5 months ago
They all know they’ll be scapegoats when hegseth inevitably screws up.
Snazzy Smurf 5 months ago
Please don't give this admin suggestions they are likely to follow.
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April Pickett 5 months ago
Just sit him in his chair in his office and let qualified people run the Defense Department. His boss should tell him to "stay", "sit", and shut up. He should only be let out with a prepared speech and security to make sure he stays where he's supposed to.
#20
Floeckchen 5 months ago
"I don't want it but I am not brave enough to take the repressions from not wanting it..."
Robert Millar 5 months ago
This shows what a shame-ridden bunch Republicans and. MAGA have become.
Geoffrey Scott 5 months ago (edited)
Sen Lisa Murkowski, who was threatened with being primaried by the "Orange God" for not falling into line. She was quoted as saying the 'fear is real' regarding the total control Trump has over the GOP. Collins is another thorn in Trump's side.
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Kenneth Smith 5 months ago
The GOP has become the Wizard of Oz party - no brains, no heart, no balls.
Colleen Glim 5 months ago
But at the end of the movie they found brains, heart, and balls. I ain’t holding my breath that this is really gonna happen
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Justme Again 5 months ago
Republicans started voting against bills they either sponsored or supported in the past when Obama was elected. Same as it ever was.
#21
Tiggy Darling 5 months ago
"123456"? That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
Robert T 5 months ago
I think you mean "do you want FILES with that!" ;-)
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 5 months ago
Understandable. For McDonald's management, counting to six is considered very high level math.
Stephanie Did It 5 months ago
As long as they don't have to make change for a dime.
Load More Replies... Rosecrucian Roeth 5 months ago
I almost thought it would be Donnie boy's password but I doubt he can count that high..............
Rich Black 5 months ago
They needed AI to discover this? What will AI discover next? That a 1,300 calorie burger is unhealthy?
Funnily enough, even The Onion’s own “About Us” page refuses to play it straight.
Instead of a typical mission statement, you get a gloriously over-the-top, tongue-in-cheek manifesto. If you didn’t know what publication you’d stumbled onto, or, say, had no idea how many people actually live on Earth, you might almost believe it.
“The Onion is the world’s leading news publication, offering highly acclaimed, universally revered coverage of breaking national, international, and local news events,” it declares.
“Rising from its humble beginnings as a print newspaper in 1756, The Onion now enjoys a daily readership of 4.3 trillion and has grown into the single most powerful and influential organization in human history.”
Clearly, not bad for a paper that predates the United States and claims a very impressive audience—though, to be fair, that figure probably counts ghosts, aliens, time travelers, and the occasional sentient toaster
#22
Verena 5 months ago
The US want Dutch ( = produced in the Netherlands) steel, because of the quality US factories cannot produce. Sorry, you said we should arm ourselves, so no steel for you anymore. And IF there are leftovers, the US shot themselves in the foot by making it more expensive for them.
nicholas nolan 5 months ago
OK, honestly? This would be good for us over here, long term. Being forced to modernize our steel plants would be fantastic for our desperately needed infrstructure upgrades/rebuilds.
Load More Replies... Sue Denham 5 months ago
I misunderstood this to mean the Us wanted Europe to buy weapons that were more American - you know - more bangy and gunny.
Geoffrey Scott 5 months ago
Huh...Europe went to other nations to buy defense because the US was becoming unreliable? Who could've predicted THAT scenario?
AndyR 5 months ago
Not really - Trump forced NATO members to spend more on defence and just assumed they would understand it was a shakedown and the money would go to companies in the USA. What it's done is inject a lot of cash into the defence sector in Europe and encourage closer local cooperation.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 5 months ago
This is difficult if you live in the US. Unless you shop at Walmart.
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TotallyNOTAFox 5 months ago (edited)
Not only are our european systems cheaper, we also often have more modern and capable systems availabe than the US military aside from the F-35 (which has a lot of problems itself). Trump threatening users with "disableing features" lead to the conclusion that we're better off using our own stuff over US equipment. "MilitaryRated" on Youtube has a whole series about that topic
Colleen Glim 5 months ago
The US was bloody delusional to think their own companies were going to bring manufacturing back to the US when they can contact it out to foreign countries for half the price. The orange one needs to wake up and smell the money
#23
Ryan Mercer 5 months ago
I kind of feel sorry for the guy. Imagine if the last person you got to talk to was Vance?
Paul Gerrard 5 months ago
If only it were true. He would regularly meet in the oval office....
Linda Robinett 5 months ago
Hmm, that implies meeting Putin in the afterlife. Good idea. (But the Pope and Putin are not going to the same place)
Rich Black 5 months ago
Wait, what? The pope's staff didn't know he was dying, and set up a full day of interviews and photo ops after he spent 2 weeks on a ventilator in the hospital?
Dario Bernobic 5 months ago
Maybe it's not just Vance who is to blame. The Croatian prime ministers are to blame, he was after Vance. And when Pope John Paul II died the last to visit was Croatian prime minister. The popes probably died because Croats pretend to be more Catholic than the pope.
#24
tori Ohno 5 months ago
Only type II diabetes is responsive to diet, but in some cases it's not. But type I? Absolutely Not. Who Are these morons running the government.
Ozymandias73 5 months ago
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu with a fork RFK Jr.!
Melinda Flick 5 months ago
That might be fine for type 2, but wouldn’t a bit of good for type 1….
Lady Chelsea (LadyChelseaoftheVoid) 5 months ago
you want the 6 year old with type 1 diabetes to get cooking classes?
Ironically, the real news soon became so bizarre that even Dikkers struggled to distinguish Onion headlines from actual ones.
Meanwhile, as traditional newspapers folded, he suspected some outlets were borrowing The Onion’s formula. After all, more comedy meant more readers:
“I thought I was doing it as a joke. I wasn’t trying to influence the whole world of journalism,” said Dikkers.
#25
Gertrude VonSpitzbart 5 months ago
Ah, "Home of the Free" and bastion of "Free Speech". What a crock of s**t. "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free" - von Goethe
AndyR 5 months ago
Also the first country to lecture everyone else about it
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Earonn - 5 months ago
I remember what happened to that guy who did that in Germany. Kinda looking forward to Trump going into a bunker....
Tamra 5 months ago (edited)
It's why Texas is called South Dumbfuckistan. School will start soon, and each classroom in Texas will have a poster of the ten commandments displayed. 🙄
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#26
XenoMurph 5 months ago
Well, at least the US did learn something from their time in Afghanistan. Sadly learning how to treat women from the Taliban wasn't what we'd hoped they'd get from experiencing different cultures.
BK BigFish 5 months ago
Actually, I'm thinking the Taliban learned a thing or two about treating women from the US....
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 5 months ago
That candidate is offering things to incels because he wants to pander to his base.
#27
JK 5 months ago
Kid belongs to Uber now. You can rent him to ride in carpool lanes
Load More Replies... UncleJon_TheMadScientist 5 months ago
I've never trusted Uber or lyft... basically unlicensed cab drivers
Rich Black 5 months ago
Isnt Uber supposed to drive away after passenger gets on board and closes the door?
Pam McDougall 5 months ago
How old was the son? There's a big difference between a 19-year old and 17 year-old.
And then in 1996, The Onion launched online, allowing its satirical headlines to reach far beyond Wisconsin and spread across the globe, to readers like me.
Now, decades later, we scroll through real headlines that sound just as ridiculous and can’t help but ask: how did we get here?
#28
Floeckchen 5 months ago
Butt implants are incredible dangerous in general. Even when done professionally
Verena 5 months ago
I absolutely do not get the desire of having a fat a*s at all costs. Do they think that looks attractive? Does any man think that looks attractive? Plus the hygiene, how do you keep yourself clean?
Robert T 5 months ago
Well if they implanted taillights, I'm not surprised! WTF is that picture supposed to be, BP?
Littlemiss 5 months ago
Hello Darwin Awards? I have a candidate i would like to nominate.
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fruitloopdingus 5 months ago
sometimes i think that idiocracy is correctly depicting our future. i may be right.
Anthony Elmore 5 months ago
He'd probably be moderately annoyed that people consistently attribute social Darwanism to his theories on evolutionary Darwanism,, but he might still get out of the headline. Honestly, you can't die during an a*s-lift and not expect to be the butt-end of EVERY joke.
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#29
Reemerger 5 months ago
Funny how stolen bags and suitcases generally happen to contain substantial amounts of cash.
Roxy222uk 5 months ago
Few diamonds, a Ferrari and a Masarati, a beach front property, a South African gold mine and Greenland in mine.
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Roxy222uk 5 months ago
TBF, having worked in the industry I know that there are people that get seated in restaurants for no other reason than to scout out if there is a bag or jacket hanging over the back of the chair that they can pick the pocket of, or steal.
Jp@nda 5 months ago
You would think she'd know better, or at least have a competent security detail
Load More Replies... tori Ohno 5 months ago
Does anybody else want to take a spackling knife and scrape that ugly layer of muck off of her face?
Day Andie 5 months ago
No, but I'd spackle more over her face to shut her d**n mouth and keep from seeing her ugly face.
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and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 5 months ago
Let’s hope the brain worms can finish the job this time.
Lynchamigsakta 5 months ago
Why does he look like he's wearing a bad rubber mask that's melting due to global warming?
Catlady6000 5 months ago (edited)
The Amoeba and the Worm. A real family fun show taking place in RFK's head. "OH no! A reasonable thought!! Whatever shall we do , Wormy!?!" My favorite episode is the one where Amoeba and Wormy are chased by Needles screaming " VAXINATE!! VAXINATE!!
Lady Eowyn 5 months ago
Rock Creek, in Washington. I don't care that he was in there, but he exposed his grandchildren to the toxins. The D.C. sewer system is ancient and leaks into the creek.
Upstaged75 5 months ago
Unfortunately he took his grandkids with him. Poor kids to be born in to that family.
Bill Swallow 5 months ago
'Rock Creek', in DC's Rock Creek Park. Declared unsafe for humans. Just the kind of place ol' maggot/MAGA brain would pick for an outing. WITH his wife and kids, IIRC.
#31
Earonn - 5 months ago
I will never understand why the diabetic people of the USA who now cannot afford insulin anymore don't fight violently back. What have you got to lose, you're dying without insulin. Admittedly, I also don't understand why all the self-declared "decent" people in the USA don't fight alongside them. A case of "if we all hold still nothing worse will happen" while worse and worse things happen all the time.
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
We do. But none of us are in a position of power unfortunately…
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wowbagger 5 months ago
And these are the same people who argue against universal health care by scaring people with claims that there will be rationing of d***s and procedures under a universal system.
nottheactualphoto 5 months ago
We already have those things, courtesy of the health insurance industry.
Load More Replies... KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
He’s a disgrace to Physicians. Especially Cardiothoracic surgeons! Also don’t buy into his snake oils either. Listen to your OWN doctors…this guy is an idiot that forgot everything he learned in medical school!
mikentx57 5 months ago
Why are we censoring the word “d***s”. This is not about illegal substances at all. The censoring is dumber than what the article is about
mikentx57 5 months ago
Ok. So This site automatically and mindlessly sensors words like D R U G S. They have convinced me I should stop coming here and find where adults can actually discuss things.
Load More Replies... April Pickett 5 months ago
This goes with that other joker in Kennedy's department that wants to teach Diabetics how to cook, instead of using insulin.
#32
quentariel 5 months ago
This thought immediately cured my depression. How I never have realised that life is perfectly good if the worst thing that can happen isn't yet happening? What a revolutionary inspiration!
BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
Yes, you will have an unbelievable life. You won't believe how hard it is to survive in a dying planet run by a handful of oligarchs. I am so so very sorry for your generation, and those that come after you. I promise I'm trying, but I think you're all f*cked
#33
Josh Kottlovski 5 months ago (edited)
Regardless of scepticism for The Guardian, look it up; Multiple US states are working on bills to send their governors that would allow medical service providers to violate the Hippocratic Oath and deny care based on "Religious" or "Moral" objections. I read that a woman in Tennessee recently was refused neonatal care in the last month or so because the physician was typical southern evangelical Christian and "was uncomfortable" treating an unwed pregnant woman! Side note: Woman has been with her partner for 10+ years and they already have kids together just never bothered with the marriage certificate. This is extremely frightening and a slippery slope
Jan 5 months ago
"I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God. I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick. I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure. I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm." From the modern Hippocratic oath
Snazzy Smurf 5 months ago
Like the Constitution that seems to be a suggestion. /s Sadly, we are living in a different timeline that should be shredded.
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Sprouted Tater 5 months ago
Oo, I love the “vindictive despot” moniker! I really want to know if all the folks who voted for the VD are happy they did.
#34
Pferdchen 5 months ago
I've lived 65 years without ever owning a firearm. It's stuff like this happening that makes me contemplate changing that.
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Do it…I have a feeling we will need them at one point…:(
Load More Replies... Rosecrucian Roeth 5 months ago
I don't think Murica are taking seriously the fact that they are in the late stages of conversion to a dictatorship/autocracy.............not even the major news networks seem to want to say or do much to disparage the red menace and it's sycophants!
S Bow 5 months ago
Many of us are completely aware of this and vacillate between despair and rage.
Load More Replies... BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
This is just a violation of the 4th Amendment. The only one that matters is the 2nd Amendment. The others are just more of fun ideas, rather than actual rules.
Load More Replies... KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Hahaha! Ohio (and many others)is an open carry state….good luck with that! :D
Sprouted Tater 5 months ago
For sure, we are hearing the clomp of their boots more loudly with each passing day.
#35
Beak Hookage 5 months ago
"Potter" literally ends with ALL the surviving characters having kids because, per word of author, that's the way to have a happy life and you won't be happy without kids. It's the exact opposite of "childfree" anything.
UKGrandad 5 months ago
Let's not forget that Russia banned SpongeBob because he was a 'bad influence' on children. One of SpongeBob's 'negative' traits that was cited was that he is 'too self-absorbed'! A sponge...too self absorbed! And no, I'm not making this up.
#36
Beak Hookage 5 months ago
It's just mind-blowing how much he hates us. What the hell did we ever do to him or anyone else? Oh right, we're disabled and therefore a worthless burden on society. Silly me.
Earonn - 5 months ago
I don't think it's just that. The right wing cvnts say the same about every disability. I think he just needed a scapegoat, and you were the unfortunate victims of his spiel.
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Geoffrey Scott 5 months ago
Imagine how he must feel having Rosemary as his Aunt. Irony anyone?
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Someone get the duct tape! Can we shut this pompous windbag up? Please? :)
Mabelbabel 5 months ago
Thats very unfair. Tissues have a purpose in life and are very useful.
Load More Replies... winterwidow87 5 months ago (edited)
I didn't know i wasn't supposed to fall in love, i better tell this to my wife.
Lady Chelsea (LadyChelseaoftheVoid) 5 months ago
says the man who cheated on his wife so much she killed herself
#37
Roxy222uk 5 months ago
Who has time in a road rage incident to pøø on someone else’s car? Why didn’t the other person drive off as they saw her pulling down her trousers?
Littlemiss 5 months ago
Sounds agreeable to me. I'm going to save this idea for a special occasion.
#38
Earonn - 5 months ago
It's rigged from the start.Remember that next time when they say they don't have the money to go after a guy who r***d and m******d little girls.
Fire Singer 5 months ago
What gets me is how quickly Luigi was found. So we can find him lickety split but when it comes to traffickers, ped-os, and grapists, nope...sorry, can't find them to prosecute them. No way to stop them at all! I realize some crime will always exist but these massive trafficking rings could be brought down if they weren't benefitting certain people.
Load More Replies... Motivated sloth 5 months ago
I hope she was fired! How many other cases have they done this on and not been caught?
Mabelbabel 5 months ago
They've charged him with federal crimes so he's eligible for the dèaťh penalty. They are going to execùtè him. Look at the posturing and peacocking that accompanied his pèrp walk-masses of armed guards and the mayor, FFS. He's going to dìè and it will have been fixed start to finish.
Ryan Mercer 5 months ago (edited)
Is his guilt somehow in doubt? A man who murders another man in cold blood might get the death penalty and you call it a fix? The law is pretty clear.
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Michael Largey 5 months ago
He m******d one person - a person who was a m******r of thousands of people who had harmed no one.
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Littlemiss 5 months ago
It was the child's nickname that they had been known by for years. It wasn't just a school thing, the child's family called him by the nickname too.
Fire Singer 5 months ago
Just got an update on her today actually, she's allowed to teach again. Never should have been suspended.
SchadenFreudian Psychology 5 months ago
Maybe she could move the fvck out of FloriDUH and teach in a state that’s part of the real world.
Load More Replies... fruitloopdingus 5 months ago
that’s stupid. a preferred name will never even hurt. say if your name was emily, but you don’t like your name, so you use your middle name instead. that’s a preferred name. what if your name was victoria, but you had a gender transition, and prefer jake? the same thing as the emily scenario, just transitioning genders. but oh wowwww, apparently being transgender is “offensive”. in what way is the LGBTQ+ even HURTING you in some way? they’re harmless. leave them alone.
Huddo's sister 5 months ago
I use two of my student's preferred surname, because their legal surname is their dad's, and he abused one of them...
Load More Replies... KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Sorry to all Floridians, but Florida is the butt crack of the US….Ohio is the armpit. (I live here). As soon as my mom and Aunt are no longer here…I’m out!!!
fruitloopdingus 5 months ago
ohio sucks. german-amish country is cool though. —sincerely, an ohioan who grew up in the german-amish country.
Load More Replies... Vicki Perizzolo 5 months ago
I'd say only in FL but I suspect the entire South has gone down this rabbit hole - voluntarily and will vindiction
Scott Rackley 5 months ago
If it were me nowadays, I'd do like a teacher I had in jr high. Last names only.
#40
AverageCommenter (she/they) 5 months ago
Maybe “ai” stands for “actually Indians”….ill head out..
Fungus John 5 months ago
It came to light when the AI kept asking users not to redeem gift cards
megamarkd 5 months ago
No, it was Builder and is kinda old news if you keep your ear to the ground on things ai.....
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Ty Stratton-Quirk 5 months ago
Of course! You can't have A1 without steak, and steak is expensive.
The Other Guest 5 months ago
On the contrary, when I was young & broke I'd put A1 on tater tots. Surprisingly tasty!
Load More Replies... Zoe Vokes 5 months ago
I hate that in the UK government (and I assume a lot of the world) that MPs are just assigned jobs they have no knowledge of. Someone could be Transportation Security, then Health Secretary and then Education Secretary. It’s crazy to me that the Education Secretary has no requirement to be a ex-teacher and the Health Secretary doesn’t need to have worked a certain time as a doctor or nurse. They literally have no idea what they are talking about.
Steve Kadner 5 months ago
Is A1 to Trump the same as ketchup was to Reagan? A vegetable for the school kids?
Cydney Golden 5 months ago
Her main job is to ruin American education so excuse to privatize. Betsy DeVos failed at that goal bc covid got in the way.
#42
michael Chock 5 months ago
He was into underage boys. Epstein only rented out teen girls.
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Moving Enigma 5 months ago
Although he was found not guilty of all charges.
Load More Replies... and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 5 months ago
Release the files. Or they’re just going to get mysteriously “lost.”
Susan Raskin 5 months ago
I thought Kevin was into underage boys not underage girls. Epstein supplied underage girls.
Paul Gerrard 5 months ago
Spacey isnt...his type. Like expecting Ellen has attended wild parties with sean cooms
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Do those files really matter anymore? I doubt the high profile offenders named will be prosecuted anyway…
Austzn 5 months ago
Yes it matters because a lot of politicians have been fanning these flames for public appearance and I for one think actual, moral hypocrisy should be publicized. Show us the inside of their cups!
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michael Chock 5 months ago
Kids are not trained to be intelligent. Conservatives actually do the opposite.
Rosecrucian Roeth 5 months ago
When you disband the Department of Education and keep de-funding the whole education system, you ain't gonna get a whole lotta Rhodes Scholarr........................
Michael Largey 5 months ago
The difference between a computer and the human brain is that rebooting a computer will often solve the problem.
Strahd Ivarius 5 months ago
The so-called "digital natives" know how to use a phone, perhaps a tablet, something that has no relation to the way a computer is used...
Jeremy Klaxon 5 months ago
I mean I've been teaching my dad how to copy files to a USB key for over 30 years, and he's still struggling. So no, it's not a lack of training.
JK 5 months ago
Can confirm. Have tried to train 4 people in using basic tech for their jobs. 1 learned well and I trust implicitly to use theirs, 2 did not have a cats chance in hell as they were both stupid and incompetent. The last is the MD, that says it all 😂
Anthony Elmore 5 months ago
Haven't trained any, but I've worked with some... less technically-inclined people. My previous boss, a good man but not technically gifted, and I were talking about the simulations foundry engineers run. I worked in a patternshop at the time as, basically, a secretary, but for blueprints. Patternshop does all the woodworking for mold patterns, and I handled the computer needs of the shop. Boss was surprised that calculating out and displaying fluid simulations (molten metal filling the mold cavity and solidifying) takes HOURS at times. "It only takes the pour crew a few minutes to pour a mold.". It blew his mind that I have spent hours waiting for 3D graphics I've designed to render one still frame, let alone a video of fluid dynamics 😂
Load More Replies... Ryan Mercer 5 months ago (edited)
I find it hard to concentrate while on the computer, ever since the pop-out cup holder on my PC tower broke and no longer holds my coffee. Tech support is worthless. They keep telling me to press any key, but I don't have an any key on my keyboard! They sent me a pdf showing me what icon to click, but every time I click the pdf, nothing happens!
#44
Reemerger 5 months ago
Sure. When in doubt I look to the homicidal maggot in NK for moral guidance.
Nils Skirnir 5 months ago
To be fair he’s killed far fewer foreigners than Israel has and is
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meeeeeeeeeeee 5 months ago
It's hard to beat genocide in terms of how low a country can go. So low, even Iran and NK have the moral high ground.
TotallyNOTAFox 5 months ago (edited)
I wouldn't say that a regime that actively threatens another one with a literal nuclear h*******t all the time has" a moral high ground". Especially if said nation caused all of this in the first place
Load More Replies... For All Pedernity 5 months ago
Well, at least NK isn't bombing all of its neighbors while commiting g e n o c i d e.
Anthony Elmore 5 months ago
They're a bit busy murdering Ukranians at the moment. They'll get around to it eventually.
Load More Replies... Bill Swallow 5 months ago
They called it 'hideous' because they weren't using nukes or killing individual people with anti-aircraft artillery.
Michael Largey 5 months ago (edited)
When it comes to hideous acts, Kim Jong-un speaks like an expert.
#45
fruitloopdingus 5 months ago
i saw a post saying, “they built auschwitz in the everglades.” i think that statement describes the situation incredibly well.
Julia Ford 5 months ago
My family members who were at auschwitz would beg to differ. You are diminishing the real horrors that happened when you compare them.
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Fire Singer 5 months ago
This is an old headline, since it's already built and, I believe, has inmates moved in. Amazing how quickly prisons can be built but housing (which I don't think we're lacking we're just not able to afford what's there), schools, infrastructure, yeah that all takes years and years.
Geoffrey Scott 5 months ago
Baldwin Michigan's former GEO group prison is now the reopened detainment facility for immigrants.
#46
Tom 4 months ago
Not the CEO though.. you know, the only good one and all that..
Load More Replies... Billo66 5 months ago (edited)
Looks like I better start shopping for a different provider. I've had cancer for 11 years, supposed to maybe make it 10. UHC has covered every single thing requested. Millions of dollars, just to keep my dumb azz alive. I take a pill that cost 28,000 a month. Covered, no co-pay. But I apparently that's not always happening. Not defending them in any way, just facts, I'm concerned about my healthcare. Simple as that. It's frightening to see the company you have been depending on to keep you alive going under.
#47
Anthony Elmore 5 months ago
Technically not untrue. The slap would dislocate your face in space and on connecting with your face would cause an increase (albeit nearly non-existent) in local mass, which would have the effect of slowing down time (again to a nearly non-existent degree) in the viscinity of the slap.
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Spidercat 5 months ago
Technically we are all time travellers. I was born in the 80' s and now it is 2025... that's over 40yrs in the future from 1980. The tricky bit isn't time travel, it's speeding up the time travel.
BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
Speeding it up isn't even that hard. Just find a large enough gravitational mass, and cuddle up. Hang out a few miles from the Sun, and you'll be going faster than the rest of us. The really hard part is reversing it
Load More Replies... Roxy222uk 5 months ago
How would we know if this is or isn’t true . . . ? Maybe they’re doing it right now.
Agfox 5 months ago
It's true, I remember you posting that comment tomorrow...
Load More Replies... Mabelbabel 5 months ago
The amount of Adderall the orange man takes, I'm not surprised he's off floating in a different dimension.
#48
Tiggy Darling 5 months ago
Hawaii, Michigan? There's a bit of optimistic rebranding to attract visitors!
Bur* 5 months ago
Michigan is beautiful!!! Late spring through early fall! God help you if you live here in winter... Which is somehow 2/3 of the year...
Load More Replies... Colleen Glim 5 months ago
Again. You lot are a collection of fiefdoms pretending to be a country
hillybilly gourdess 5 months ago
Anti save the planet people just boggles my mind. Pro plastic mfkers
#49
Nils Skirnir 5 months ago
US has lots of experience with ethnic cleansing. At home and abroad
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TotallyNOTAFox 5 months ago (edited)
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
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Dariusz M. D. 5 months ago
Forcibly displacing people from their homes constitutes a war crime. But as usually the haters will say this is antisemitic.
Sprouted Tater 5 months ago
And what say the citizens of Libya? And why is this USA’s bidnez? Butt out little orange prez.
Snazzy Smurf 5 months ago
For s bunch of folks saying "Don't tread on me", they sure like treading on others
Bill Murphy 5 months ago
This I called rescuing a people from the psycho maggots hiding behind them to attack innocents
#50
For All Pedernity 5 months ago
Yeah, just look at that pic, Israel is obviously going out of their way to spare civilians.
Dan 5 months ago
Israel is not in a position to lecture anyone on morality. I cannot believe that any government or individual still supports what they are doing.
Pengie 5 months ago
Dan, Israel let in the aid trucks and the UN refused to come and distribute the aid.
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Sprouted Tater 5 months ago
‘’morally twisted” how about it Israel, is it morally twisted to commit genocide?
Anthony Elmore 5 months ago
I don't know that you're completely correct on this. Terrorist designation or not, Hamas WAS the administrative body for the region. Which means that 60-100% would encompass law enforcement picking it up for redistribution, which would be reasonable action. The Geneva Convention doesn't say "You can't enforce an aid embargo UNLESS none of the supplies ever end up in the hands of enemy soldiers.". I can appreciate some time is necessary to come up with a more secure method, but it's not an excuse for Israel to sit on their asses while civilians starve to death because Israel turned the entire area into a crater.
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Floeckchen 5 months ago (edited)
sooo... in short he wants them to consider "alternative facts"?! ... in science?!
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
I took this as give us data that coincides with their narrative…sighs…getting really tired of our elected officials and the utter cr&p that comes out of there mouths.
Load More Replies... Mabelbabel 5 months ago
This is how the media operate-its very common (at least on British TV) to present two people with opposing views as being equal or similar status when discussing health issues. Except one will be a Professor of Oncology who oversaw a huge years long multi-centre double blind trial into a revolutionary new therapy, and the other will be a woman who rubs people with crystals to determine their body's vibration frequency. But they are both questioned as "experts." Viewpoint diversity is important in many areas, but provable facts aren't going to change because of opinion.
Verena 5 months ago
They do, but publish only the solud facts left over after researching all viewpoints.
Floeckchen 5 months ago
that would assume the attorney has at least a basic understanding of the scientific method
Load More Replies... Roxy222uk 5 months ago
Okay, so I kind of understand this one. Now that women are not just able to contribute more to science but have had time to move up the ladder subject areas are being investigated from different angles or indeed being investigated at all thanks to them. And I am sure that the same can be said of people of colour. However if the vast majority of peers reviewing papers for a journal are still all white males then they may be more inclined to not see these papers as important enough to publish, for example. Having said all that he just mean QAnon viewpoints, didn’t he?
Floeckchen 5 months ago
your point is absolutely reasonable but yes, his demands was more about: "so according to your new cancer treatment research, was there an essential oil practicioner on your research team?"
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QuincyForrest 5 months ago
"Because my utterly uninformed opinion about the subject matter is just as relevant and meaningful and trustworthy as your expert training and experience on said subject." My lawd, what cr_ap.
Rali Meyer 5 months ago
had to go-ogle it. I am a mechanic. We are straightforward, if not simple people
#52
Jrog 5 months ago (edited)
Unfortunately that happens at the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia (ROCOR) in Georgetown, Texas, not actually in Russia where those young lads could have had an amazing first-hand experience of manly trench warfare and some booming gifts delivered by drones
Roxy222uk 5 months ago
Oh I really want to know what ‘absurd levels of manliness’ actually entails.
Floeckchen 5 months ago
you'll become so manly you only wanna be around men, eat with men, shower with men... kiss... sleep...
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GenericElder 5 months ago (edited)
[Edited to clarify] Read the whole story, it's a playbook for toxic masculinity & misogyny. Incels indeed - it appears some of the church members agree with DJT that Russia is just a bunch of good ole boys like men ought to be. https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c30q5l8d4lro
Michael Largey 5 months ago
To assert you believe you are manly is to establish you believe you are not.
#53
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
It works directly on that part of the brain! I’ve heard almost the same thing about “shro@ms” actually. It’s said the active ingredient Psilocybin resets brain chemistry and promotes a healthier cellular function. We’ll never see it in use though…big pharma won’t allow that!
Ryan Mercer 5 months ago
Psychedelic therapy is legal in Oregon and if you're 21+ you can try it today. You don't need a doctor's note and you don't have to be a resident of Oregon. Your reason can be as simple as curiosity. There is actual therapy involved though. Typically group support sessions.
Load More Replies... SchadenFreudian Psychology 5 months ago
Catching some kind of buzz usually makes me feel better. 😏
#54
Reemerger 5 months ago
Jesus'd be like "All this time I thought I knew what suffering was, but..."
Load More Replies... Harlsen Chesterton 5 months ago
He has another case pending at another burger place for the same thing.
Verena 5 months ago
That's what I thought immediately, too. But then, if his allergy is so life threatening, it might be better to buy food somewhere else. Different food, where no risk of onion contamination can happen. Customers do have an own responsibility for their health.
Load More Replies... fruitloopdingus 5 months ago
pretty sure he sued another chain for giving him pickles or something.
Nils Skirnir 5 months ago
If he mentions Jeebus 3 times and denounces gays in court, he’ll likely win in Texas
Nilsen 5 months ago
Was he severely allergic? Had he asked for one without, stating that he was allergic? Had they said they could garantee no onions and no cross contamination, and still served with onions? Is this like the woman who sued for hospital costs because she was served a literally boiling cup of coffee leading to lasting injuries and long hospital stays?
Fire Singer 5 months ago
Here you go, here's a link. He had an allergic reaction to the onions and had to seek medical care, and yes he sued Sonic for a similar incident but that case was dismissed a month later. Look, I'm not one to say allergies shouldn't be taken seriously and these places should make burgers the way they're ordered, but if my allergy is that severe I'm not risking it for a whataburger. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/texas-man-sues-whataburger-nearly-1-million-restaurant-didnt-hold-onio-rcna207624
#55
Harlsen Chesterton 5 months ago
She had an unknown preexisting condition that caused "bruising" to her eyes which meant she had large blobs in her vision effectively leaving her blind for about a month.
Nils Skirnir 5 months ago
Her and her family’s reaction to this were nonchalant and delayed examination by two days. She went home and her mother said to sleep it off. She wandered around town blind for a day after. Not bright
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#56
Sue Mullen Andersen 5 months ago
To be fair, that is easy for this bridge. There are signs that warn you that if you take the exit, you will be leaving the USA. We need to make it possible not to go over the bridge!
#57
Roxy222uk 5 months ago
If this hasn’t been a Black Mirror episode that’s only by the skin of its teeth
Ryan Mercer 5 months ago
It's been done. It was called Running Man. One of Arnold's lesser known movies.
Load More Replies... winterwidow87 5 months ago
But i thought Cate Banchett was supposed to be in it.
Load More Replies... Fire Singer 5 months ago
If this happens I'm out. Not sure if I'll move to another country or just off myself. This is beyond disgusting.
Rosecrucian Roeth 5 months ago
And when they win it, it will be taken away and they will be deported............ON LIVE TV!
SchadenFreudian Psychology 5 months ago
Can we have a reality show where U.S. citizens compete for a chance to go to prison in Denmark? I’d try out for that one.
#58
Roxy222uk 5 months ago
I double checked this one. It was in Indonesia: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2x5kn7njlo
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
I’ve heard you need to be very careful what you say in Indonesia, Singapore as well.
#59
Beak Hookage 5 months ago
I just love being referred to like I and others like me are some kind of hideous disease sweeping the land. I mean who wouldn't be flattered. Also, this guy just LOOKS evil, straight up. Look at those cold, mean, piggy little eyes.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 5 months ago
I’m so angry about many things but this in particular. He is a pathetic, horrible, sad little soggy weasel.
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Lady Eowyn 5 months ago
Could it, might it just possibly be, that the levels of autism aren't really rising, but that diagnostic tools have improved?
Mabelbabel 5 months ago
No, that's way too sensible, and you're obviously brainwashed by libtard science men. Obviously, the rates are rising because women's eggs are getting mutated by chemtrails and 5G signals, and men aren't manly enough any more. Only alpha males should reproduce.....!
Load More Replies... Peter Bear 5 months ago
It is a good sign. It's always been there and now we can identify it. That's why the rate is going up; better detection tools.
Bill Swallow 5 months ago
A face of leftover bile, hatred, and stupidity, stored in a hot car and left to fester and grow rancid.
OneWithRatsAndKefir 5 months ago
Feels like epidemic is the new word for ‘changeling’, considering how much this guy seems to treat autistics as other.
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
We know so little, my guess there are more neurodivergent individuals than there are neurotypical. Nothing wrong with either of course ! :)
#60
Jeremy James 5 months ago (edited)
The problem seems to be that AI prefers logic and evidence, whereas the Right...
Chuck 5 months ago (edited)
This photo looks like her reaction when she lost the lead role in C0caine Bear. 🐻❄️
#61
Nils Skirnir 5 months ago
Repukes banned it b/c communism or jeebus or sumthing
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Beak Hookage 5 months ago
The gays/liberals did it! They're simultaneously weak and pathetic while powerful enough to control the weather.
Mabelbabel 5 months ago
Its like immigrants. They're simultaneously really lazy and living off the government, whilst also taking all the jobs and working every hour God sends.
Load More Replies... #62
Roxy222uk 5 months ago
Costing *who* millions of dollars? I really need to know so I can chose whether I should be polite to GPT or terse.
BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
It's costing OpenAI millions of dollars (theoretically). Sadly, it's also doing significant damage to the environment.
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Jrog 5 months ago (edited)
That was an exaggeration. Sam Altman (OpenAI CEO) responded to the question on Twitter by saying in jest "Tens of millions of dollars well spent — you never know.". The current estimated per-query power consumption of GPT4 model is roughly on par with a google search (0,2-0,4 Wh). Adding some pleasantry has virtually no impact, since those may represent a total of 2-3 word tokens on requests that average on multiple hundred tokens, averaging on an extra load of 4 thousands of a Watt-hour.
Jrog 5 months ago (edited)
ChatGPT has on average 2.5 billion user-requests per day. If we take the average values, that is 750MWh: the equivalent of 15 wind turbines, or 3% of a mid-sized nuclear power plant. worldwide. Adding in the pleasantries, that would turn out to be 1 extra MWh, that is the equivalent of a 50kW portable generator, or the power output of a 1L car engine, for a day.
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kissmychakram 5 months ago
And storage space, although negligible by itself, it all adds up.
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#63
michael Chock 5 months ago
It is good news. They can use their hoarded gold to buy American assets on the cheap. Economy always dips during Republican leadership and they are all incredibly wealthy
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago (edited)
I’m lmao at his picture…it looks like someone c r a c k e d him hard on his a$$! :D edited to fix censorship:/
#64
Verena 5 months ago
Twice? The fear sits deep ... at the US side. There is no panic here. Europe is not a monoculture, we have solid climate zones that allow growing everything we need. Our industry can produce everything we need. We have our first-hand-energy sourcing going well. Ruining landscapes for digging up and processing resources to make them fit to produce electricity is outdated. We will find other countries to export our goods too. The US imported so much of ozr goid quality stuff that an "imbalance" was the result. The other way round, the US simply does not have anything important, healthy or safe enough to sell to us.
Rali Meyer 5 months ago
wait for Christmas, USA, when the shelves are empty. However, EU does rely on Levis and Wrigleys Spearmint
Load More Replies... KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
He needs to go away and take a deep breath…for the rest of his term….
Day Andie 5 months ago
Just f****n hold his breath for the rest of his term. He's a waste of air.
Load More Replies... SchadenFreudian Psychology 5 months ago
Oh, right. Contrary to what U.S. conservatives think, other countries do NOT have to obey the U.S. This is one more time when my country is making me embarrassed to be American.
Jnausicaa 5 months ago
Well, the provincial package stores are no longer selling American made "whiskey." and other alcoholic beverages. People are turning food packages around so "Made in USA" is prominent to aid shoppers in making decisions. But this had more to do with Stinky P**o's. "51st State" malarkey than the tariffs. But your American brewed beer is going to cost more because the aluminium the cans are made from comes from up here. And potash, a major component of fertilizer, is from Saskatchewan.
#65
Ozymandias73 5 months ago
Let's all go down and egg the building. Will it solve anything? No. Does it matter? Again, no.
#66
Multa Nocte 5 months ago
Rich White House appointees and rich Congresspeople need to be told having fewer kickbacks from private donors and lobbyists is a good thing.
Khavrinen 5 months ago
( You can tell them till you're blue in the face, but they'll never hear you over the sound of their bank accounts. )
Load More Replies... Spidercat 5 months ago
America needs to be told that having fewer absolute fūckwits elected to government is a good thing...
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Well…I can’t disagree with this one on a very personal level…dolls (especially porcelain) kind creep me out tbh lol :D
General Anaesthesia 5 months ago
You illustrate the problem of having someone's conclusion being right (for you) for all the wrong reasons.
Load More Replies... #67
Michael Largey 5 months ago (edited)
It flew up the charts - Number One with a Bullet.
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#68
#69
T (she/her) 5 months ago
The bride is never late. It's not like the wedding can go on without her.
#70
Michael Melfa 5 months ago
Must have been quickly shot down, because the tiny flaccid bill gave the rich tax cuts.
Ozymandias73 5 months ago
They took it under consideration. Laughed about it, and lowered them instead.
Ian Webling 5 months ago
I finally have a chance to quote my favourite line from King Lear: "Never, never, never, never, never".
#71
Reemerger 5 months ago
Mother of Republican Lawmaker denies any recollection of giving birth to an utter k******d.
The Other Guest 5 months ago
Is the censored word in your comment "knobhead," or something else?
Load More Replies... JK 5 months ago
"Dear Santa, this year I have been very very good, so for Christmas I would like my country to earn more money for the rich and corrupt, who underfund my school so it will close, and overprice medical treatment so that my little sibling dies from their very treatable illness and my parents go bankrupt just paying for their funeral. I just feel that they obviously need the money more than I need toys, or family, or happiness, or education"
BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
There you go. Now you're getting it, well done!
Load More Replies... #72
#74
Jrog 5 months ago
That may be a good strategy. I want to see Israel justify them blowing up the Papamobile while in an humanitarian mission with "uhhh... hamas was hiding under the bonnet!".
Load More Replies... #75
Beak Hookage 5 months ago
I still can't believe they actually called it that. I mean good god.
Motherofguineapigz 5 months ago
Sounds about right, a toddler promoted it.
Load More Replies... #76
nottheactualphoto 5 months ago (edited)
As in that Flock of Seagulls song. Squeezebox stylings by Flaco Siegel.
Load More Replies... #77
Beak Hookage 5 months ago
"He's just trying to get a reaction out of you! If you ignore him he'll stop". My mum advising me on dealing with a bully at school when I was seven.
Vicky Phenny 5 months ago
Mine tripped me so I fell into traffic after that! Luckily motorists stopped, but I genuinely thought I was going to die, had to get stitches, etc. His mom played the "He must have a crush" card...
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 5 months ago
Taking a deep breath brings oxygen to the brain - a no-no for any member of this administration.
#78
Geoffrey Scott 5 months ago
So...you want a "Christian nation" ..right MTG? Did you know Catholicism is the largest Christian sect in the US? May wanna practice saying mass.. ;)
General Anaesthesia 5 months ago
She's NatC (Nationalist Christian) EvangeliKKKal.
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#79
Austzn 5 months ago
Blasphemy Burpees! What did I just read? hehe, thank you.
Load More Replies... #80
#81
Austzn 5 months ago
If you want to start crushing the cartels we have to stop the iron river. Their weapons come from the US! Mexico almost got a lawsuit over this but no, thank you current US supreme court. I used to work with a guy who said his job in the cartel was to steal or acquire "somehow" firearms in the US and then smuggle them across into Mexico.
Geoffrey Scott 5 months ago
Huh, advising against invading a sovereign nation. Though to be fair, they haven't done a whole lot to stop 'em.
#82
Zoe Vokes 5 months ago
It definitely depends on the severity of the bite.
Load More Replies... Zoe Vokes 5 months ago
I’m guessing that if the dog has previously been well behaved and never bitten anyone and the bite isn’t severe, then it’s unfair to sue the owners for thousands because they didn’t know their dog would bite and they haven’t had a chance to train it not to since discovering this. If it’s repeated behaviour then the owners knew it could happen and are liable for not having their dog under control.
Load More Replies... #83
Geoffrey Scott 5 months ago
Given the current cratering of the Florida condo market, this is no surprise.
#84
Multa Nocte 5 months ago (edited)
They need to, because as the sign in the accompanying photo says, "Fuck Trump."
Johnnynatfan 5 months ago
OK im not sure what that has to do with the headline.
Load More Replies... Rosecrucian Roeth 5 months ago
Democrats are a non entity............they don't speak loud enough to be heard!
BeesEelsAndPups 5 months ago
Yep, just like the Gestapo, the SS, the KGB, etc. They were just regular people doing their jobs, just following orders. We should say thank you for your service and move on.
Load More Replies... #85
Multa Nocte 5 months ago
Luckily, as there is so little intelligence to be found at the White House, Congress immediately sighed a breath of relief.
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Verena 5 months ago
99% US stuff. Did not understand everything, but it seems that the rest of the world is a generally intelligent place, even though some motives are not ok.
Rali Meyer 5 months ago
We all know that the US has many intelligent people. Where are they?
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Michael P (Perthaussieguy) 5 months ago
It saddens me to think that so many of these ignorant and stupid decisions made by US lawmakers will have repercussions for many years down the tracks and probably won't affect them personally anyway.
Uncle Schmickle 5 months ago
What a load of BS ! The only thing I learned from all these headlines, was that I'm so thankful I don't live in the USA.
TheReader19 5 months ago
What the he'll is going on in America? Every conspiracy theory/dystopia book is coming true there; right about now. I'm truly scared for you.
Pseudonym For An Author 5 months ago
Why was this article under funny? Nothing about his was funny
Verena 5 months ago
99% US stuff. Did not understand everything, but it seems that the rest of the world is a generally intelligent place, even though some motives are not ok.
Rali Meyer 5 months ago
We all know that the US has many intelligent people. Where are they?
Load More Replies... Michael P (Perthaussieguy) 5 months ago
It saddens me to think that so many of these ignorant and stupid decisions made by US lawmakers will have repercussions for many years down the tracks and probably won't affect them personally anyway.
Uncle Schmickle 5 months ago
What a load of BS ! The only thing I learned from all these headlines, was that I'm so thankful I don't live in the USA.
TheReader19 5 months ago
What the he'll is going on in America? Every conspiracy theory/dystopia book is coming true there; right about now. I'm truly scared for you.
Pseudonym For An Author 5 months ago
Why was this article under funny? Nothing about his was funny
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