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32 People Spill The Darkest And Most Disturbing Secrets Hidden By Their Partners
Odd eating habits or little OCD quirks are one thing, but lying about childhood traumas or hiding a nanny camera in the bedroom to spy on your partner could be dealbreakers.
A Reddit user recently asked: “What is the most disturbing thing you found about your partner?” and people did not hold back.
Studies have shown that keeping secrets in a relationship can weigh on your well-being, and they often have a way of coming out even when we don't want them to.
Below are some of the responses Reddit users shared, each highlighting a different experience or situation.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My ex and I connected over very severe and alarmingly similar childhood trauma experiences. almost a year into our relationship, he revealed (extremely casually, like it was no big deal) that he’d made it up. He’d heard about my past from a former mutual friend, and felt it’d be easier to get to know if we had this in common. He genuinely didn’t see an issue with doing this.
He then proceeded to ask, “since it bothered me”, if I wanted to know everything else he’d made up, too.
turned out, about 75% of what I knew about him was fake. weird funny stories and experiences, childhood memories, things that had allegedly happened to him at work - he was just making things up. When I asked him why, he reiterated that he didn’t see it as a big deal, and then explained he felt I “needed to be humbled a bit” because “my life wasn’t *that* interesting”, so he’d made up things to “match” my stories/experiences.
Mark Childers 10 hours ago
So, he's not just a lair but also is trying to take her down a peg. I hope she dumped him fast. Personally, I don't understand putting others down to feel better about yourself. I know a lot of people who do that, but I've never understood it.
Emilu 10 hours ago (edited)
I can understand the logic behind it but I would never *do* it. The logic is subconsciously or consciously, I feel bad about myself because of X, Y, Z... and maybe I'm not worthy of her? I don't want to lose her, though, so I don't want to *outright* insult her, so if I squish her ego just enough that she thinks it's a her problem, I don't look as inadequate and it's not immediately obvious enough to drop me. (Situational to this topic) And she can't drop me if I've had the same experiences she's had." I've used the genders in the post, but obviously this can apply to anyone. I promise I've never done this and never will, but seen it happen enough that I'm fairly confident in my assertion.
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Spittnimage 16 hours ago
I would've found it very suspect that he'd had the same experiences i had.
Karma Black 2 hours ago
Eeeeew ew ew my ex-husband did this, and I was dumb enough to fall for it! It took me ten years to grow a brain, but the divorce was finalized in November 🥰
RELATED:
#2
He put a nanny cam in our bedroom so he could spy on my therapy sessions during covid. He made a big show out of putting on headphones in the other room because he knew he could just listen in later.
tw 72 19 hours ago
No kidding. Enough red flags - you can see them from space!
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#3
That she is still in love with her ex girlfriend and has been having an affair with her since before we even got married. But didn’t tell me that it was her ex girlfriend for real until this year and everybody on her side played along with it as they were only “best friends” which in turn had this girl pretending to be MY friend and my “wife” allowed it for 5 years.
Don’t worry I’m leaving lol.
Emilu 20 hours ago (edited)
I think that these people have to be sociopaths, honestly. We don't care if you are in love with your ex. It's when you pretend you are in love with someone else but then show you're stringing them along that shows that you're an AH of the highest order.
Ace 19 hours ago
I would very much care if my partner was still in love with someone else.
Load More Replies... #4
They bite their fork when they eat. My soul leaves my body every time.
highwaycrossingfrog 20 hours ago
I think I do this, but I genuinely never realised until someone said to me "oh, you're one of those people" (I'd just met them so bit weird but if they find it annoying I get it). It's not biting down, more removing the food from the fork with your teeth rather than your lips or whatever. It's completely unconscious in my case (hence why I said "think", because presumably I still do it, I just don't notice that I'm doing it.)
AlithenewMC 13 hours ago
I eat with my teeth too- drives my husband crazy, but he chews loudly (mouth closed), so he can't complain that much because his issue is worse imo lol
Load More Replies... #5
When he orders wings he eats the whole thing….bones and all. The plate is sent back empty.
I think the first time he did it to get a reaction out of me but it’s been 4 years and he’s still crunching away. .
Nikole 12 hours ago
Yeah, you're not even supposed to give bones to animals to chew on!
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Learner Panda 19 hours ago
I have never understood the fascination with chicken wings. They're just bones, skin and a bit of meat. Why not have the legs, which are probably three times the size for quantity of meat.
Betty Spaghetti 12 hours ago
I have never understood the fascination with snacks. Why not have a meal, which are probably eight times the size for quantity of food
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Kristiina Männiste 1 hour ago
Stomach acid dissolves bone tissue. Well mine does at least. I had food issues growing up (parents sometimes forgot that children eat - not addicts or anything, just careless(?)) so I started to swallow pieces of bone and stuff to feel full longer. Now it has become a habit. But I never had any problems from it
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David Paterson 7 hours ago
I do that. Modern meat is merely muscle, which is not anywhere near a balanced diet. We need offal and bone as well for nutrients and minerals. You have osteoporosis? Now you know why.
Val 4 hours ago
Does it hurt to chew? I eat cartilage so I get eating weird tings but I have never thought about the bones.
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Mental health is now part of everyday conversation, and many countries are facing what’s being called a growing “loneliness epidemic.” But one surprising cause, according to new research from Columbia Business School’s Michael Slepian, might be something as simple as keeping a secret. And with it, often comes isolation, shame and anxiety, according to the professor.
#6
My ex wife spent the last decade of our marriage accusing me of having multiple affairs and/or being gay. I've since found out that during that decade she had 2 boyfriends and a girlfriend (not at the same time) so turns out it was all projection.
#7
He had such a history of using his mother and his sister, while also regarding them with scathing contempt. Both of them were flawed and selfish, but loved him deeply and unconditionally.
When he casually remarked that his forty-year-old sister (who, incidentally, was gorgeous then and still is) was a "fat old woman covered in tattoos, and she needs to start being realistic about how she wants to be treated by a man," that was when I knew our days together were numbered and that I would never be able to un-see what that said about his regard for women.
Spittnimage 16 hours ago
An in-law thinks he is superior to his family; calls them rednecks, can't stand to be around them. I don't like him, but his family are the nicest people.
#8
He had a years-long affair with his stepmother.
Paul C. 22 hours ago
Did she keep getting trapped in the washing machine? I may have seen the film!
Val 4 hours ago
Um, what's the movie called? Asking for a friend, of course.
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Did I say that out loud? 12 hours ago
Nah, stepmother isn't a blood relative.... usually.
Load More Replies... #9
He handled the finances. He died. I found $36,000 in gambling debt.
Crystalwitch60 22 hours ago
Rule no one ! NEVER let one person take solo control of the finances , you should always both know everything , COS OF THIS for one always protect yourself ,
Emilu 9 hours ago (edited)
I *had* a 'friend' who would refuse to have anything to do with finances; that was the "man's" problem. As soon as she split with her partner, she claimed 'financial a***e' because she didn't have anything to do with the finances, despite previously saying she didn't *want* to have anything to do with said finances. She stopped being a friend after that, because I work in an industry where we see *actual* financial abuse and how awful it can be. If there's anything I've learned, it's to make a personal, private account for emergencies and stash something away so, absolute worst scenario, you have some money to aid you if you need to leave in a hurry. Hopefully for most people they never need to touch it, but for the ones that need it, it's the difference between leaving and staying with an abuser.
Load More Replies... Miriam Insidecor 22 hours ago
This is wilful ignorance. Finances should be transparent if its shared money.
Emilu 20 hours ago
Unfortunately there are many that would not agree/or generally do this. Likely to their detriment.
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Floeckchen 8 hours ago
He was propably ashamed of the debt and tried to cover it up. It sadly happens a lot to people with gambling addictions
#10
I found out a few days ago that my wife has been texting inappropriately with her boss, kissy emojis, going out for drinks and sushi, calling it date night. Still trying to understand the full scope of it and how to proceed.
Lady Eowyn 19 hours ago
Have a lawyer hire someone to deliver the divorce papers.
Load More Replies... David Paterson 7 hours ago
I don't see a problem, there's a huge difference between flirting and infidelity. And if the flirting helps to ensure a steady income ...
#11
Doesn't like nature. At all. It took me a while to accept this one. I had assumed that intentionally being in nature would be a source of spirituality, awe, and peace for everyone. My partner is not one of those people and only experiences extended time in nature as an annoying and inconvenient experience. But they find sources of awe and wonder and spirituality from other things such as art, music, literature, etc. We're all just different.
Mimi M 22 hours ago
Benign. Though he may have areas of nature that he prefers. I used to think I wasn't a big nature person, b/c I associated nature with green spaces, hills, mountains, forests. Turns out, my home is the sea.
kzys59pcrp 23 hours ago
I want to enjoy nature more but being allergic to d**n near everything out there, including the sun, I just stay inside.
Crystalwitch60 22 hours ago
at least you like it , I’m so sorry you have to live like that lovely 💔
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Bored Retsuko 19 hours ago (edited)
Maybe it's the act of "being in nature", going outside, walking... maybe he/she has some condition that makes it unenjoyable. You don't have to "be in nature" to appreciate it, though. There are houseplants, animals, documentaries, lots of ways to be in awe about nature.
Mark Childers 10 hours ago
I love animals and even bugs, but that's pretty much it for me as far as nature goes. I have horrible allergies to almost every tree, grass, and weed out there. If I have to be outdoors at all, I keep it to a minimum. Plus, ticks are really getting to be a problem with alpha-gal and lyme, among others.
#12
Nothing truly scary, just their obsession with organizing the fridge by color. It’s disturbing… but also kind of impressive.
Mimi M 22 hours ago
Nope, guaranteed this shows up elsewhere. Also likely causes poor use of space.
Janet Sparrow 13 hours ago
I don’t know if this is the same kind of thing, but my first husband was super tall and he used to store things in the highest cabinets, in order, by size. I don’t know where the size thing came from but I used to tell him I don’t even know we have stuff up there because I can’t even see inside those closets.
#13
His relationship with his mom. First when we moved in, big drama that she doesn’t get enough attention. Then constant messages good morning and good night. Then visits every week for coffee, tea, goes to her for lunch etc. I’m living with a man and i’m loosing respect for him. I see him as a mamas boy now and having hard time imagining our future together, and it’s breaking my heart.
I fell in love hard, for the first time in my life. And i’m broken that i’m starting to see him differently.
Janet Sparrow 13 hours ago
I’m sorry, but this is so weird. I see so much stuff on here about toxic mothers-in-law, boy mom‘s not letting go with her sons, etc. I have a son who is married to a really nice girl, we all get along, I even get along well with her mother. I would never in 1 million years interfere with their lives the way these people do. What is wrong with people?
#14
When she eats Kit Kats , she doesn't break off pieces, she just eats the entire thing like it's one bar.
Mark Childers 10 hours ago
I can top that. A girl I went to school with would eat all of the chocolate around the Kit Kat, and then eat each layer by itself. She would also lick Doritoes until all of the seasoned powder was off of them until they were soggy, then she would slowly eat them bit by bit. We were part of the same friend group ate lunch together. I'm so glad I don't have to watch that anymore. Used to make me lose my appetite. It was so unnecessary and gross. I have a feeling she did it for attention, but I'll never know. Fast forward years, and I was living with a roommate who would twist and eat one strand of spaghetti at a time, even in restaurants. He was a pretty good roommate, but that was annoying. Eating in a restaurant could take hours. Just no.
#15
My ex told me he was the victim of a lot of terrible trauma. It was how I explained away a lot of his bad behavior to myself.
He made up a lot of it! If not all of it. I can't know for sure if it's all made up, but the fact that at least a good chunk of it was made up doesn't fill me with hope.
I think he was very afraid of rejection and would twist the truth in horrible ways trying to make it impossible for me to leave. It makes me sad to think about, honestly. Must be harrowing to live in his brain. But good god am I relieved not to be around him anymore .
While there are white lies or private thoughts we keep to protect ourselves, for some people holding back might also be a way to maintain a sense of independence or personal space within a relationship. And sometimes, keeping a secret simply feels safer than risking judgment or conflict. Some experts say that as long as we are clear about why we keep a secret, we can avoid obsessing over it.
#16
The most disturbing thing I found about a partner once was how they handled conflict, they’d go completely silent for days instead of talking things out. It wasn’t dramatic or explosive, just unsettling.
highwaycrossingfrog 20 hours ago
Could be manipulative, could be poor home environment where they were never taught healthy conflict resolution, and/or a*****e parents who punished them for negative emotions.
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#17
He keeps all his socks in a single giant drawer with zero pairs matched. just a chaotic ocean of fabric. disturbing? a little. fascinating? also yes.
tw 72 19 hours ago
If something this small bothers her - how will she handle something big?
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Remi (He/Him) 12 hours ago
I'm weird in the other direction as in playing matchmaker to the socks after laundry is fun and I don't understand why anyone would skip it
Paul C 15 hours ago
To be honest, that sounds like my eldest. It's completely random if his right sock matches his left sock. He's too lazy to pair them up after washing, so just stuffs them all in a draw and takes out two when he needs socks. Weirdly, he always wants pairs of socks with different patterns or colours. I think he has decided random socks are his signature. Probably my fault for always pairing them up for him after washing them when he was a child (instead of making him do that).
Janet Sparrow 13 hours ago
I started using a big safety pin to keep track of my socks in the wash. I still lost one or two along the way..
#18
She likes feet gloves or whatever they’re called. Just seeing her wear them, wiggling her gloved toes, gives me anxiety.
Child of the Stars 23 hours ago (edited)
Compared to some of the others, this one is totally harmless.
UnclePanda 20 hours ago (edited)
I just had a flashback to the 1970s and an aunt's lovingly knitted toe socks with each toe done in at least three colors. Lovingly made with thick yarn. Thick, thick yarn. Our toes spanned almost 180*. Instant rainbow hobbit feet.
#19
My ex wife poisoned me for about 4 months.
David Paterson 7 hours ago
There's a lot to unpack here. Deliberate vs accidental poison. Effective vs ineffective poison. Deliberate effective repeated poisoning is about as heinous as a crime can get.
kzys59pcrp 23 hours ago
Unless there’s more to the story this doesn’t say anything about the partner.
Paul C 15 hours ago
I don't know - it's one of the most disturbing things you can find out about your partner: That they are trying to k**l you. I think that would be covered by a dark and disturbing secret your partner has.
Load More Replies... Angela C 13 hours ago
Would you still say that if the genders were reversed?
Load More Replies... #20
My fiance doesn't use bookmarks, he just memorizes what page number he stopped on. .
Chich the witch 15 hours ago
Yep. Reading these threads can be a bit of a c**p shoot. All can be going merrily along and then OMFG.
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Stardust she/her 23 hours ago
Same! I can remember just based on the ‘feel’ of the paragraph I stopped on. I have this thing called synesthesia which basically makes me associate colours with letters, numbers etc. With that I can remember where I left off as I can just remember the colour sequence of the page number without remembering the actual number itself
Child of the Stars 23 hours ago
I have bookmarks in like 3 different books. This would not work for me!
Julie S 12 hours ago
Yeah I'm usually reading 3 books at the same time. I have a downstairs book, an upstairs book and one in my car for reading in coffee shops.
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 14 hours ago
Better than my husband, who has been known to use checks from his publisher.
#21
He didn't like cats .
Emilu 17 hours ago (edited)
Because the partner offed him, or...? Edit: Right, right, I forgot the /s tag. Far out, some people here do not get sarcasm unless it's blatantly pointed out to them. This is what happens when you assume everyone has 'common sense' because it's supposedly 'common'.
Load More Replies... Karma Black 2 hours ago
My boyfriend and I would LOVE cats. It breaks his heart that he's severely allergic to them.
Michael Largey 17 hours ago
I feel about cats pretty much the same way they feel about humans, although my indifference lacks the scornful quality of theirs.
Crystalwitch60 22 hours ago
INHUMAN !! that’s a deal breaker , ok I don’t own cats , but I like them , hope he saw himself out !
FireWithFire 14 hours ago
Crystal, a part of me hoped you would enter the new year with a little self-reflection and refrain from describing people in such strong and offensive terms. Some people just don't like cats, some don't like dogs - doesn't make them "INHUMAN!!" Please, consider avoiding the term, thankyou.
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#22
She hung a Live Laugh Love thing on the wall.
I don't understand how someone who is otherwise 100% awesome does that. Disturbing for sure.
Experts point out that the types of secrets people keep also vary by gender. Women are more likely to keep secrets because they are worried their partners would not understand, while men are more likely scared that their partner would criticise or disapprove of their behaviour.
#23
He told me stories about the two affairs he had (that his wife found out about). He was quite the storyteller and this was many, many years after the affairs and in fact he had been widowed for six years. As entertaining as these stories were, they didn't make me think more highly of him for sure.
#24
He squeezes the toothpaste from the middle.
David Paterson 7 hours ago
I learnt quite late in life that this is always the best option.
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Brian Droste 12 hours ago
Doesn't a lot of people do that? I don't. I squeeze from the bottom.
Remi (He/Him) 12 hours ago
Same really. That's why we don't share a toothpaste.
Load More Replies... #25
She says "excape." We've got two kids so I'll stay.
Angela Corvaia 19 hours ago (edited)
I cannot break my husband of 'Supposubly". Drives me crazy, along with 'crouch' instead of 'cr..otch'. His mom said it that way as well. He cannot hear the difference.
Rob Stevens 13 hours ago
there's no good reason to start the year off like that. just stop.
Load More Replies... Spittnimage 16 hours ago
I had a friend who said ideal instead of idea, death instead of deaf, supposively instead of supposedly 🤦🏼♀️
Emilu 20 hours ago
Torlet? (That one could be an Aussie-ism, admittedly. Still annoying AF though.)
Detroit Citizen 19 hours ago
Warsh.. Warsh cloth, warshing machine. Im in Michigan so it usually wash. I understand in the south, deep south, they say warsh with a twang. Up here its just weird. But we do say doorwall (sliding glass doors in homes) party store (beer and liqueur) everyone here says pop, i say soda to be "different" lol. I do find i like the Aussie slang, and how you use the C word so much. Here its the no no word unless you are beyond beyond upset with them, still not great lol
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Mel in Georgia 13 hours ago
A very good friend, very intelligent and lovely, says re-la-tor instead of realtor. It's not an uncommon mispronunciation, but my dad was a realtor and it makes me cringe every time. Debated whether to say something to her about it or not, and decided, no - don't want to embarrass her, and it wouldn't be kind.
#26
She has never, and will never watch Star Wars.
Lee Gilliland 14 hours ago
Liking a movie is not required in order to be considered a human being.
Brian Droste 12 hours ago
A lot of people never seen Star Wars. Why would this be a big secret or a bad thing?
Janet Sparrow 13 hours ago
Star Wars, and at this point Harry Potter, are shared cultural experiences that are now embedded in our culture. You should watch them just for that reason.
Remi (He/Him) 12 hours ago
Don't talk about Star Wars in the same context as the shaitty wizard series. Not wanting to see the second one is perfectly understandable
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 17 hours ago
I watched the first one only because my aged mother made me take her to see it. (She would watch anything Alec Guinness was in.)
UnclePanda 20 hours ago
My family showed up to the holidays with all 9 Star Wars movies in phone. We couldn't even talk about the different movies until I instituted new language "As filmed #1," and "As told #4" as part of each statement or question. It worked pretty well.
Emilu 17 hours ago (edited)
Yeah, me neither. Not unless you're a super amazing partner. And if you let me play my Steam Deck whilst the movie's going. Edit: Lol, I found the Star Wars obsessives! As I've said in another post, I'll listen to you talk about it. Rant, even. Will I watch it? (At this point) No. Downvoters, I hope you get stuck having to watch something like My Little Pony or something equally terrible on repeat. Whilst stepping on Lego. Morons.
#27
Was gonna say that my bf sometimes does calf raises in the shower and has a whole mini shower work out routine but i guess that’s not so bad after reading comments….
UnclePanda 20 hours ago (edited)
I do 45 seconds of the tree pose on each leg in the shower to give the soap time to work on my feet.
Crystalwitch60 22 hours ago
Its called time saving , plus warm water warms up the muscles , it’s actually good for you ,.
#28
She pours the milk before the cereal. I’m sleeping with a psychopath.
Stardust she/her 23 hours ago
OP, do you want soggy cereal? Do you enjoy the flaccidity of the cereal first thing in the morning? Because if you don’t do this you will get soggy cereal
Angela C 12 hours ago
If your cereal is getting soggy you're not eating it fast enough so either you need to eat faster or pour smaller bowls of cereal
Load More Replies... Miss Ann Thrope 10 hours ago
Had a roommate. I put the banana on the bottom of the bowl, then the cereal, then the milk, then sugar. This was so I'd get the sugar on the cereal not on the banana. She thought I was unhinged.
Crystalwitch60 22 hours ago
Each to their own ! That’s as op issue not a her issue ! personally if n when I eat cereal , very very rarely , can’t drink milk it’s cereal then milk not very much off , but that’s my preference,
#29
He used to crack book spines intentionally so they would be "easier to read." I got him to stop by introducing him to audiobooks.
Child of the Stars 23 hours ago
I'm with him. But then, I firmly hold that books, like toys, are meant to be held and manhandled, not kept in pristine condition. A well-worn book tells a story as much as the text inside it.
Stardust she/her 23 hours ago
Well then how else am I supposed to keep the book open without stretching it from both ends? I’m a student who uses a lot of reference books and modules, I have to crack the spines to make life easier
#30
My husband only eats the bottom half of the asparagus.
Needless to say, I didn’t know that when I agreed to marry him.
#31
My girlfriend had a secret online persona, it was weird seeing her completely different personality online.
panther 21 hours ago
Maybe the online persona is the real her, and the in person persona is the made up one?
Helena 7 hours ago
Online personalities can be like acting. Just because you can act a character doesn't mean you are that character.
Load More Replies... #32
He actually likes popcorn MORE when it is stale. The man is a freak! But he's my freak lol.
Brian Droste 12 hours ago
I .Ike the part of celery that is slightly yellow. Yes, I know that it is not fully developed.
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What do you think ?
Sarah 12 hours ago
I often think about an ex. Never had anxiety or worry. He’d go to bed and just sleep . Just fall asleep. Never expressed worry or nerves or something distressing in the news.. . Looking back .. was it just tumbleweed in his head?
Karma Black 1 hour ago
If he's like mine, he just genuinely doesn't care. If someone upset him (other than me), he'd forget that he was angry overnight. If he hurt someone else, it just didn't bother him at all. He even once said that there's no reason for their feelings to have any impact on him whatsoever.
Load More Replies... Sarah 12 hours ago
I often think about an ex. Never had anxiety or worry. He’d go to bed and just sleep . Just fall asleep. Never expressed worry or nerves or something distressing in the news.. . Looking back .. was it just tumbleweed in his head?
Karma Black 1 hour ago
If he's like mine, he just genuinely doesn't care. If someone upset him (other than me), he'd forget that he was angry overnight. If he hurt someone else, it just didn't bother him at all. He even once said that there's no reason for their feelings to have any impact on him whatsoever.
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