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We couldn't let any day pass without acknowledging moms and dads who survived yet another few weeks of dealing with one too many wildlings each day, every day. It’s time for Bored Panda’s newest collection of funny parent tweets who have a real knack for finding humor in the entertaining antics of their kids.
After all, raising children is one wild adventure in itself, isn’t it? Whether you’re up to your ears in diapers and dirty onesies or doing your best to navigate the emotions and attitudes of a tween, there’s hardly a dull moment. And it's no secret that kids' little brains work in mysterious ways, so what else can a confused 21st-century parent do other than commiserate via parent tweets with fellow adults online? Not much, as near as we can tell.
We’ve gone through Twitter and rounded up some of the best ups, downs, and a whole lot of hilarious in-betweens from parenting tweets to share with you all. Sit down, grab a cup of tea or a big glass of wine, and enjoy laughing through this list. Keep reading to also find an interview with a family life blogger from Brisbane, Australia, Holly Connors. Be sure to upvote your favorite funny parent tweets and let us know all about your reality of being a parent in the comments!
Psst! After you're done with this list, there's plenty more to chuckle at in our earlier selections of the best parent tweets of the week here, here, and here.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Skipper Laine 3 years ago (edited)
I don't understand, what are the real lyrics and song? Sorry, I'm having a hard time connecting the dots...
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Robert Trebor 3 years ago
I was in my 30's before I realized that the words Hello, darkness, smile friend, were actually Hello, darkness, my old friend
Ria C. 3 years ago
The hubs sang hell fire instead of Elvira. Old country song by The oak ridge boys for those not familiar.
Reinaldo Fuentes 3 years ago
I will never sing it any other way ever again. Lifelong ABBA fan here. <3
RELATED:
#2
Sue Denham 3 years ago
. . . and throw myself on the floor screaming "You're poisoning me!" if there's anything green coloured on the plate.
Eris Tyler 3 years ago
I'm embarrassed because I don't have children and that's what I eat on a regular basis.
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
My husband aways tell the kids when you get older I'm gonna do what you did to my house. It is so comical sometimes lol.
Sinnsyk Jakte 2 years ago (edited)
...maybe...just maybe...I can attend a wedding where I am not just glaring at the camera...because I was supposed to be fed properly... I SUBSIST OFF OF MAC'N'CHEESE. I HAVE PERFECTED THE ART OF MAKING IT FROM A BOX. Chicken...fish...? I'll go to Burger King if those are the only options... I'll go to Hell (and I have and it's delightful because there's Taco Bell) before I have a stressed chef's chicken cordon bleu and a Pepsi because your family doesn't like alcohol and-- *mic cuts off.*
Kim Lorton 3 years ago
Too good! Or chicken nuggets and ketchup…. While others eat some luscious meat dish!
#3
Does Social Media and the Internet Help with Parenting?
To learn more about the challenges parents face today and to base our knowledge on more substantial words than the funny parent tweets that we found, we reached out to a lifestyle blogger and a working mom of two energetic girls, Holly Connors. After dedicating a decade to building her career in psychology, Holly is now the author of the acclaimed site Simplify Create Inspire, where she helps families make their lives a bit easier. “Living in a time when information is immediately accessible can be both a blessing and a curse for parents,” she told Bored Panda.
“On one hand, we (and our kids) can quickly find answers to practically anything in an instant,” Holly added. In fact, a 2015 survey from the Pew Research Center found that many parents have extensive support networks to which they turn for advice about any questions they may have. Apparently, 43% of moms and 23% of dads turn to parent websites for suggestions on how best to raise their children, occasionally using social media, such as these parenting tweets on our list or online message boards, for the same reason.
#4
ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago (edited)
Tell her that since her shop is in your house she's going to have to pay rent
Lazy Panda (she/her/hers) 3 years ago
Make sure to mention the poor service in your yelp review.
#5
AVGucky 3 years ago
He's awesome! Once his toddler cried because Hal "wouldn't let the dog drive him to daycare" 😂
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#6
Laura Jackson 3 years ago
I have woken up with not only the face of my then 2 year old son 4 inches from my face, but also with his finger knuckle deep in one of my nostrils at the same time.
Alison Hell 3 years ago
Back in the day..single mom and one particular week I wasnt feeling well and was exhausted from momming and working...tried to take a nap after getting home and before supper. 4 yr old would then proceed to poke me in the face when I closed my eyes..I'd open my eyes, he'd giggle and hide...no nap to be had. Next day, same thing. Day #3...closed my eyes and a minute or two later, felt something going up my nose...ah, the giggle monster returns. Needless to say, I never took a nap again.
smugdruggler 3 years ago
Could be worse. My 30kg dog woke me up at 05:30 this morning by stepping on my head.
Penny Hernandez 3 years ago
And my kids taught this to my cats, who have passed it down for generations.
Parriah 2 years ago
I literally bruised my poor child’s face (5) when she silently crawled across my bed in a pitch black room at 2am because she had a bad dream and I kicked at the apparition in a half asleep panic…in my defense they never get up at night or come in my room. She had a bruised lip and of course told the world for the next 5 days that mommy did it, and my favorite “I tried to hug mommy and she kicked my face!” Whaaaaaaaa😭
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
Happens everyday to me and sometimes in the middle of the night you get woke by a little face that says I'm scared of the Monkeys in the closet. Then you freak out and check there closet. And check the door
Parenting Expectations - are they Real?
On the other hand, the online world is also the breeding ground for parent shaming. Sometimes, the parent tweets and comments people stumble upon online can make them feel like they lack parenting skills, especially if their homes aren’t squeaky clean or if their children eat anything but home-cooked organic meals. Moms and dads have myriads of expectations piled up upon them, some of them even coming from these very same funniest parent tweets of the week, and it can take a toll to constantly be reminded of all the ways they’re doing things wrong.
Parenting blogger Holly agrees. “We are bombarded with a constant stream of advice and opinions from experts, relatives, friends, and even parent tweets this week or the one past. In the same way, kids are now more connected to their peers and exposed to more media than ever before, which certainly has us facing conflicts, questions, and vulnerabilities.” She added that having great communication with your children will have a big impact when it comes to raising happy, healthy, and well-adjusted kids.
#7
Beeps 3 years ago
Quick, someone get that burn surgeon from the other post! Surely this must be equivalent to a lava-related injury.
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
And they said kids can't handle LGBTQ families....they love them the most
Raven Sheridan 3 years ago
How about two mommies and a daddy? That might make daddy happier? 🤔
Bored Phoenix (he/they) 3 years ago
imagine the dad comes out as trans after this, the kid would be a psychic
#8
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
As long as the demon they're summoning helps clean up, there's nothing to worry about
Lady of the Mountains 3 years ago
Me and my siblings had a code so my dad wouldn't knis we'd tipped each other off and dispersed....it was "D.C." for "dad's coming"....such clever youngsters we were
Seth Salisbury 3 years ago
There's some big spiders today. Oh wait it's a child hiding under the shelf
#9
Mike Crow 3 years ago
When my friends kept asking whether my wife and I were having a boy or girl I replied with lizard.
AmmoniteCat 3 years ago
I had to stare at this for a few minutes to figure out what was wrong lol. Pasta is always a win.
Local foodie 3 years ago
I remember reading a quote from tumblr, “the future is meaningless but the pasta is now” and I can’t help but think how much this applies here
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
To be fair; she's having both and one is making her HANGRY for the other. Never get between a pregnant woman and food.
How does the Technological Age Impact Parenting?
When asked about the impact of this technological age on parents, Holly explained there are a few different ways to look at this matter. Naturally, it is extremely beneficial to overwhelmed parents who look for reassurance in other people’s parenting experiences, and even following someone you like for their parenting tweets might be helpful. “Technology allows us to connect with others who we may never have otherwise connected with, with distance and location no longer being a barrier.”
Holly added that the digital world can be wonderful for finding your own unique community, as well as finding friends who can relate to your personal struggles and the motherhood experience. “In this way, technology is an incredible tool for navigating motherhood.”
“For me personally, some of my closest friendships have flourished thanks to technology, despite the distance between us. To find a community of like-minded people that lift you up and make you feel supported is something special that every single mother deserves.”
#10
#11
Hazel Sage 3 years ago
Bhahaha, I did something very similar as a kid. Split-level houses are really something!
Well-Dressed Wolf 3 years ago (edited)
Same! As a kid, I used to drop all kinds of stuff from my bedroom (upstairs) to downstairs because I was too lazy to carry it down the stairs (okay okay AND to watch it bounce/fly, haha). Not laundry, though - my mom was kind of (actually) OCD and germophobic, so the SECOND any article of dirty clothing was removed, it went into the laundry basket on top of the washer in the laundry room. She does the same to this day… I (40) and my older sister (46) still live at home. Sigh XD
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Polly Hart 3 years ago
Haha, that is legit what my son and I do with our laundry at our house - the throw it down the stairs part. It's better than it building up in the bedrooms!
Jane Alexander 3 years ago (edited)
'Never tote what you can toss', so we'd throw the balled up laundry from the second floor to the bottom of the stairs and it would float down. We hear a yelp and the dog lands downstairs. Little bro meant no harm, he was going to climb over and float down like the sheets did, but thought he's give Skippy the ride first. He was about 2 and a half then.
Lisa Owen 3 years ago
Could have been worse! Could have been tighty whitey's with skid marks !
Michael Sanders 3 years ago
I don’t think you know what boys tend to do with socks
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Allan Breum 3 years ago (edited)
This one is one you. You failed to specify HOW he was supposed to bring it downstairs. Kids, especially teens, are like evil Genies; You have to be Extremely specific, and leave no room for interpretation, or it WILL backfire on you.
#12
smugdruggler 3 years ago
No, of course not. 95 of them will be fake anyway.
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GenXandEarnedItAll 3 years ago
I dont know how to post a pic in the comments, so Google donkeys carrying lambs and then maternity nurses wearing huge smocks(?) to carry babies down the stairs if there is an emergency.
Taking Social Media Content With a Pinch of Salt
When parents encounter carefully choreographed and curated pictures on social media and poster-perfect parent tweets of others “winning” at parenthood, it may lead to feeling guilt. The danger of falling for these images is that parents will aim for perfection (which doesn’t exist!) and will stop cutting themselves any slack.
For example, psychologist Ilyse Dobrow DiMarco, Ph.D., explained on Parents that moms who engage in social media comparison feel more overwhelmed and less competent as parents. Moreover, they can even feel more depressed than mothers who don’t put themselves in contrast to others.
“If you are jealous of another woman’s seemingly perfect #momlife, consider what areas of your life are enviable,” the psychologist wrote. “The truth is that there are so many different areas in which moms can excel due to their talents or interests or circumstances (or all of the above). Usually, most moms will excel in a few different areas, but no one will excel in all of them. It’s important to recognize that you can play to your strengths, and other moms can play to theirs, and it doesn’t mean that any of you are better or worse mothers.”
#13
Reinaldo Fuentes 3 years ago
It's hilarious how this is a right of passage every generation experiences. We're waiting for our turn at coolness one minute, the focus of the bright cultural spotlight the next, and the butt of younger jokes the next. If you're in your 20s, enjoy the shine; it is ever so brief.
Marla 3 years ago
Translation: Go away because you're talking crazy, "friend".
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B.Nelson 3 years ago
Told my nephew that his mom was paging him. He looked at me like I spoke a foreign language. 🙄
Michelle C 3 years ago
Hahaha! I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks the slang is really cool in later years!
#14
LEGOPernille 3 years ago (edited)
I once needed antihistamin against chickenpots - my daughter, her father and I haven't slept in days because of these itchy on her... This very smart, very young pharmacist (clearly without children) suggested antihistamin without sleepfunction... I starred at her and demanded the sleepy one!!!! She looked like i was a bad mum.... I thought... Try sleepdeprivation 🙈🙈😂😂😂
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
I don't know what illness it's supposed to prevent, but where can I get it. Just so my children know how me and his mum feel everyday.
#15
Is Parenting all Work and no Play?
Holly pointed out that we sometimes see parenting as grueling work and forget how incredibly rewarding this journey of raising kids can be. “Seeing your children grow and develop into their own unique individuals is one of the most special things in the world. Cherish these moments, even when they are challenging because they will be gone before you know it.”
“Lastly, don’t forget to take care of yourself! As mothers, we often put our own needs last, but it is so important to take care of ourselves both physically and mentally. When we are happy and healthy, we are better able to show up for our families in the ways that we want to,” Holly concluded.
And if you’re looking for some well-earned comedic relief formulated for parents, continue scrolling through our list of funny parenting tweets!
#16
pro_eye_roller 2 years ago
This is why I have a fridge that will make ice cubes when you press a button
#17
Parriah 2 years ago
My auntie who really wanted a girl but had sons AND grandsons only went nuts when my dad had TWIN girls. Needless to say her taking us “just to get a new swimsuit” or whatever turned into full wardrobes with makeup sets and jewelry and all. Then she’d force my poor boy cousins to dress up so she could use them in the background of photos of us in the outfits she chose. Lol. They really were good boys tho.
#18
Vishy 3 years ago
Me. My son is 15 now. He got his screen time and I lost my sanity. Trust me, it won't help.
Trillian 3 years ago (edited)
Well at that age 'screen time' meant 'yelling at the computer like a homicidal maniac' for my son so that did not help my sanity either
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Needmorecowbell 3 years ago
“I will never EVER let my kids be on a screens for more than an hour a day!” Pre-pandemic me was such a good, disillusioned mom.
Tina Oz 3 years ago
Me too. Used to say he will not have a tablet and be on screen for more than a hour. It's the only way to do some work. Sit rest a bit. And then play with him. Well at least he learns a lot from that educational videos
Load More Replies... Yayheterogeneity 3 years ago
For me it's more sleep time. When my son wakes me up at 5 I'm all: "here, you go! Just let me sleep another hour!!!"
Tina Oz 3 years ago
Same... and I feel so bad about it after I am totally awake
Load More Replies... Parriah 2 years ago
I’m a single mom of 3, I wouldn’t get anything accomplished if I had to constantly set up/monitor crafts, clean spills, break up fights and entertain them 16 hours a day. TV is a necessity in our house, and it’s not even a break for me, just let’s me do messier chores and cook uninterrupted. I try to take a break after they’re asleep but I fall asleep on laundry pile I’m trying to fold while watching my show. Wish I had more energy to be “fun mom” more. Sigh
#19
Tacocat 3 years ago
Same goes for Hunger Games. Children do anything for sugar. You have been warned.
Donkey Pandaaaaaaaa 3 years ago (edited)
*insert Effie Trinket voice* “May the sweets be ever in your favour!”
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Tara Dawn 3 years ago
This one mom got the most beautiful unicorn piñata. But between baking the perfect cupcakes, wrapping presents and decorating for the big 8, she forgot to fill the piñata. It was me.
Jennifer Potter 3 years ago
Hey, at least they got to be physical and bash something for a bit, so there's that
Load More Replies... Colin Timp 3 years ago
I had heard they were going to remake the movie with girls. That would've been amazing. Everyone knows there's nothing in the world more evil than 12 year-old girls. There's no way Hollywood would allow a girl to be called "Piggy" though; so it'll never happen.
Tara Dawn 3 years ago
I’ve never thought about it being all girls…brutal.
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Starhawk Hunt 3 years ago
With that HG reference, Peeta and Katniss won with sugar in the form of berries
#20
TrickQuestion 3 years ago
Considering they c**p their pants to get out of things too...
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Starhawk Hunt 3 years ago
In high school, someone in my class, a very rich, very gay (and flamboyant about it), male model (gorgeous) saw a Ted Nugent record on my desk. He came over to my desk, picked it up, wrist and and all, said “Hon, is this ROCK!” Class was all over floor. He was the nicest guy but that just cracked us up.
Ivy la Sangrienta 3 years ago
I didn't play kids music either. It was the Beatles and Metallica etc. in my house. Teen still loves both bands.
Lily Mae Kitty 3 years ago
I figured if I had kids, they'd listen to what I listen to b/c I don't think c**p like baby shark is good for kids. so mindless.
A P 2 years ago
It's not any different than twinkle twinkle little star, row row row your boat, or jingle bells. It's just a modern creation instead of being one from when someone's great great great grandparents were kids.
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Leara Bridges Brown 3 years ago
So her kids not be able to count and say colors before pre K kindergarten???
#21
Patricia Howard 2 years ago (edited)
OMG my granddaughter does this to all the time while I sincerely praise her imagination and her ideas for the games (some truly are amazing) its bloody tedious to sit there and remain engaged and interested but I must be faking it well because she always comes to nana to show and tell me all about it...oh and play the game as well ....but its the quizzes to see if I get it that almost unhinged me lol love her with all my heart she's 8 yrs old.
Ashley Schriber 3 years ago
Do you know the name? I'd like to know for future reference.
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#22
Reinaldo Fuentes 3 years ago
She is a paladin-to-be readying for her first quest! May the road rise to meet you, young sojourner. ;)
Beeps 3 years ago
You know, Stephen King’s ‘It’ is really not appropriate reading for a 6 year old.
WFH Forever 2 years ago
My kid waited until she was 9. At 17 she has read all his stuff more than once.
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Jessica Cifelli 3 years ago
Have you watched Supernatural? This is like the monster hunter starter kit
Trophy Husband 3 years ago
Does she own a copy of "Mal's Spell Book?". We went through that phase, and that book had to be disposed of!
#23
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
It's a medieval violin! The bow on a violin used to look like an actual bow. The design changed over the centuries, but the name stayed.
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RandomFrog(He/They️️) 3 years ago
My aunt gave my sister her old violin. Our walls are thin. So very thin.
Hannah Edwards 3 years ago
You have my sympathy, not an easy instrument to master. Thankfully my daughter lost interest pretty quickly.
Load More Replies... Angela 3 years ago
My son has 2 recorders. Sometimes he plays both at the same time. We were leaving one day and he said he liked to keep one of his recorders in the car "just in case". Just in case what? I still don't know.
Peacemaker21 3 years ago
When the guy in the middle wanted to sign up for archery class but got the music class
Alice Landers 3 years ago
The one thing I miss ..sleeping in That went ' out the window' after having children I'm almost 70 still can't sleep in ! 6am wide awake (but worth it)
Vicky De Raedemaeker 3 years ago (edited)
You wait till they're teenagers. They will stay up late and wake up late. And you will get earlier up because your getting older too . And then you have your time to relax, enjoy your alone time.
Yvonne Blau 3 years ago (edited)
Time for revenge! Where's that vacuum cleaner... time to clean the carpeting right outside their bedrooms...
Load More Replies... Seth Salisbury 3 years ago (edited)
Sibling hood: it's 2am and what wakes you up is giggling and the X-box start up sound next to your bed as your sibling deletes your Microsoft Account right in front of you
#24
Patricia Howard 2 years ago (edited)
Lol my youngest son who was about 5 or six at the time decided to give mommy a new hairdo while I was napping before starting my nightshift as a social worker inner city so I love it when anyone plays with or brushes my hair so I let him go for it well i wake up and start to get ready for work and I can feel that my hair wasn't moving (it was just past my shoulders long and it there was little to no movement in it at all started to brush it and couldn't because he has taken tiny strands of it ( must have took him hours) and he had tied several knots in all the strands of hair all over my head he said do you like your hair mommy? I said I love it so much honey I'm going to wear it to work like this....and I did simply because I didn't have enough time ti try to get it out lol it seriously took me days to get it back to normal !! Hes 33 yr old now but no not a hairdresser lol
Zoelynn Marville 3 years ago
I'm dying laughing but she probably wanted to cut your hair but just got caught
#25
Bookaday 3 years ago
Specifically children at bedtime/nap time when they are at their most feisty.
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Blue 3 years ago
4 does this every night after she's tucked in bed (the actual list is way longer) - can I have a glass of water? (I go get her one) - OH! I heard something outside let me check if everyones safe. - let me go back out and ask mom if she knows more about that noise we just heard. - I just drank water I need to pee. - comes back. - I'm gonna go out and ask mom why do I even have to sleep anyway. - comes back. mom said I have to because I have kindergarten tomorrow. - can I have a piece of gum? - can I have another water? - . . .
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
That sounds like me as a kid. I always had trouble sleeping and I was scared of the dark so I would use all those excuses.
Load More Replies... Seth Salisbury 3 years ago
Mum: Hey, that's a bad word. Go to time out Kid: *writes a f**king essay about the benefits of him not going to time out corner
#26
Trophy Husband 3 years ago
I have a lot of coolers. My soft sided ones would lose this. My $300 R-Tic would win, but it's so big two people have to carry it...
#27
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
To be fair, that's the only chance you get to lick away the dripping parts before everything's sticky. It has nothing to do with pleasure, usually, since I really don't like Smurf ice cream.
GuessImAGooseThen 2 years ago
My dad has this thing that he does when we get ice cream or something like that; it's called a "Quality Check" and he eats a few bites of whatever it is before I do to check if it's good XD now kids it's moments like these that you don't realize you have until it's gone
Patricia Howard 2 years ago
Yup taxed my kids would just say ok but don't take a "mom bite" as I called it lol
Audra Sisler 3 years ago (edited)
Every time a chocolate milk is made, or some food is made that someone wants a bite of and so on....... We say its tax season and take our "tax" out of whatever was made. LOL😆 its a rule so no one even bats an eye anymore!😂😂😂😂😂
#28
ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
I have been bored many times in my life and it has never led me to giving birth
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Well, I have had sex because I was bored, so that's not such a huge leap...
Load More Replies... Penny Hernandez 3 years ago
Bored? BORED? I'd have given anything for 10 minutes of boredom a week.
Laura Ferber 3 years ago
My daughter asked "is having babies painful"? I say yes. She asked "what's the most painful part? " "After they're born"
Leslie Donsen 3 years ago
After my son was born, I remember thinking that I had just been given an 18 year sentence.
#29
hot foot mask 3 years ago
after my 6 hours of practice behind the wheel, my dad sat in the passenger seat as i drove home from school & screamed when i nearly crashed straight into a church
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Starhawk Hunt 3 years ago
Saw a bumper sticker recently, the typical “be careful, student driver”…in small red letters on the side were the words “AND SCREAMING PARENT!”
Insignificant panda 3 years ago
For me it'll be the time my 5yr old hurt her privates when she rode her bike into a fence, and blamed the man who built the fence
Alison Hell 3 years ago
My son did this, hurt his privates and then proceeded to tell me that I dont love him because I wouldn't kiss his owie.. ummmm, sorry kiddo..no can do but I loves ya.
Load More Replies... Zack Podany 3 years ago
The time I rode my bike straight into the pine tree because the brakes decided to fail.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
I'm turning 31 and starting driving lessons next week. Couldn't be more afraid.
Jennifer Potter 3 years ago
You are going to do great!!! If you can learn to do any coordinated multi-step thing, you can learn how to drive - trust yourself!
Load More Replies... WFH Forever 2 years ago
Or the time they rode the trike into the fence at the bottom of the hill at daycare. But he got his license at 16 and still hasn't had a ticket or an accident (turns 25 this year).
Patricia Howard 2 years ago
My daughter and her cousin actually drove over my 2 yr ilds head as they were all fighting over who got to drive the power wheels jeep lmao 🤣
#30
GuessImAGooseThen 2 years ago
I mean, cheese is fine I guess... you chose edible mold over your mother
#31
Reinaldo Fuentes 3 years ago
Face it, the chip is there merely as a convenience not to get one's fingers messy. ^_^
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RWPrincess 3 years ago
Just so you know, she'll never outgrow it. I was this child and now I'm in my 30s and still eat sour cream by itself
Joshua Moore 3 years ago
Couldn't agree more. I have no will power, only with me it's chips and salsa. Warm up the chips for 45 seconds or so and salsa, so good.
#32
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
I got you, mom.AITA for not wanting to share my goodies once in awhile?
#33
hot foot mask 3 years ago
in my opinion, la croix is the most bathwater-esque beverage
Load More Replies... Tia Fannen 3 years ago
In a few years, they'll realize bathroom water is GROSS and insist on kitchen water at bedtime and during the middle of the night. They'll be able to taste the difference so give up now on trying to sneak in a glass of bathroom water. You'll just end up making two trips to two different faucets.
Jennifer Potter 3 years ago
How do I understand EXACTLY what you are mentioning???? I don't have kids yet... 😳😳😳
Load More Replies... #34
Terry Tobias 3 years ago
After camping with two small boys ages two and four, I now know why my mom hated camping.
Robert Trebor 3 years ago
On the way home to New York City from Georgia, usually a two day trek, we had to go all the way without a sleep stop because our motel burned down, and everyone else got all the other available rooms first. So, in New Jersey, on the Turnpike, we three innocent lambs in the back seat (boys, 16,14, 11) were close to murdering one another. My dad pulled off the road, looked back at us, and said, "I hear another peep from back there, you all walk home." It was quiet from then on. We just were not sure if he would really do it. I spent some time fuguring out how to do it with little money. North to the George Wahington Bridge (1st pedestrian crossing of the Hudson River); then all the way down Manhattan to the Williamsburg Bridge, to get over the East River. Probably days.
Robert Trebor 3 years ago
Finale: As we were unloading the car at home, without any collusion, all three of us said, softly, 'peep'. Dad looked at us for a long moment, then started laughing.
Load More Replies... #35
Audra Sisler 3 years ago
I've been trying to put away a load of laundry for...... Wait....what year is it???? 🤔🤔🙃🙃😝
#36
Whitefox 3 years ago
People laugh.. many parents agree with this.. the thing is elderly can also experience a similar phenomenon called Sun-downing!
ThatBiBookLover 3 years ago
Probably because the kids are sleepy but can’t sleep yet 🤷♀️
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Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
There really should be school for parenting but I guess there's so many philosophies, class would be bedlam (which is pretty good training for parent hood.)
#37
Penny Hernandez 3 years ago
Nope. The doctor brings them in his black bag. I saw it when I was 5 and had been sent to the next door neighbor's house when my brother was born at home.
#38
GuessImAGooseThen 2 years ago
this is very true... perhaps this is because children don't really have demons yet- or maybe you just didn't get to the point fast enough? hard to tell these days. to be a kid again.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
Believe that.I have never lied to my children but boy, there were some questions that I kinda wished they had never thought of
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Rachael Smith 3 years ago
"Why is this wet? Why are you wet? Where is the water coming from? Did you pee???" All things I've said to my 14 month old today. Each one a separate occurrence.
Lianna Bolt 3 years ago
It’s the same with our young cat. He loves sitting in our kitchen sink & playing with the water. He’ll come over to me later, still wet. Me not knowing if it’s water or pee.
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B 🇺🇦🇨🇦 3 years ago (edited)
LOL I thought there was a leak in my house the other day……turns out it was just my cat (child) taking the longest p**s of his life
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Aunt Riarch 3 years ago
Fraid not. Neither did sending me out in the garden in the rain with a bar of soap, apparently
Cheryl Marchich 2 years ago
Omg so funny,so true. We let our five yo play in the horses trough
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago (edited)
Yes.l once gave my kids cookies & milk for breakfast bc l forgot to buy bread & cereal the night before. Same Nutrients in cereal & toast, sort of.
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Lizzy Crit 3 years ago (edited)
I once intentionally let my daughter throw up in my shirt. Toddler age, snuggling on the couch because she didn't feel good. Suddenly she picks her head up and has the look. It's coming up, NOW. Saved the couch though.
The Gingersmurf 3 years ago
That is awesome parenting. I went to pick up my son from nursery school when they had called me telling me he was sick. In the coat room, which was carpeted, he "had the look" and I deftly caught it all in my hands. The staff were boggled by this. Look, I can wash my hands easy peasy but cleaning a vomit filled carpet? Yeah, no.
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Aubrey Mortensen 3 years ago
Picked up my toddler (now 18) with croup out of his bed, he puked all down my back. Turned him around to undress him, and he sprayed poo all over the both of us while he cough-barked like a seal. I plan to tell this story to all of his dates.
James016 3 years ago (edited)
A few weeks ago my son threw up at the playground as he had part of a can of coke and then span himself round and round as fast as he could on the roundabout for a solid 15 mins. He still uses it as an excuse to get out of doing things. Can you pick up your toys please? I can’t, I’m unwell. What’s wrong? I vomited in the park. That was 3 weeks ago
Audra Sisler 3 years ago
I would take that ANY DAY over a6 month old puking in my mouth!!! She is 14 and I still have nightmares!😳😳😵😖
Justin Smith 2 years ago
Same happened to me. Haven't drank milk since. He's 21 now. Another time, he got me from across the room with poo. It was like a s*** rainbow.
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Jan Moore 2 years ago
We went to St. Louis when our son was about 6 months. He was really cranky and I'd been giving him Apple juice, he was in the back seat facing forward (this was about 38years ago). He started to throw up and I'm yelling to my husband to pull over he was going to aspirate. I go him out of the car seat and pulled him to me and he proceeds to puke all over me. Had 30 more miles to get home, should have made my husband give me his shirt. Me car smelled of vomit for months.
Cindy Brick 2 years ago
One memorable night, both girlies threw up somewhere around 3..4...maybe 5 times. The first time, they didn't make it to the bathroom...so just left a trail through the hall. I finally ran out of towels, pajamas, sheets, etc. -- and just stuffed them back on a bare mattress with a pillowcase-free pillow. (I think the living room afghan was still puke-free.) Thank God they both stopped, or I would have been puking next.
Jess DeBritt 3 years ago (edited)
Almost every time our toddlers puked on hubby about the size of 50c coin (im aussie), hubby hands kid to me and go changes shirt. Passes me in hallway running to bathroom still holding kid, hubby:what's up? Me:wasn't finished yet,(steps in shower, pulls crying kid away from chest and listens to the splash on the tiles, then proceeds to undress kid and myself and hand dirty clothes to hubby for washing).
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Whitefox 3 years ago
Lol, was born on the first, went home on the 4th! They are celebrating my arrival home!! LOL!!
Lori Lewis 3 years ago
My son was also born on the 1st....... and that's what I told him the day we came home hahaha..... 40 years ago
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Starhawk Hunt 3 years ago
My now 37 yo daughter was by born 11/8. When we moved to England, Guy Fawkes was CLEARLY for her! First granddaughter was due 10/31, induced because she was “too small” on 10/30, though I believe her mother thought I’d have too much fun with it (come on, one day?). First grandson was literally born on 9/6 last year; that was LABOR Day. I’m the day after Xmas. My niece was born on my husband’s birthday - finally stopped mixing up his and my mothers birthday. First husband, St. Patrick’s, SIL on Pearl Harbor Day…….’nuff to make you bang you’re head on a wall. And it’s a sad, but, second granddaughter was born less than 8 hours after her great aunt passed away, on the same day😭.
Shyla Clay 3 years ago
My brother was Independence Day, my aunt is Christmas, one grandma was Halloween, the other May Day. Mom is the spring equinox. Me? 9/11.
Jessica Cifelli 3 years ago
I was born on New Year's Eve, the whole world throws me a party lol😁
Sharon Morris 2 years ago
Me as a kid the same for my birthday on Nov 1st! Halloween, the whole world is partying for my birthday!
GuessImAGooseThen 2 years ago
my birthday is a few days away from Valentine's Day... i get ChOcOlAtE on my bday every year 🥳
karen Young 3 years ago
My daughter is 36 and has to have a birthday week. Trip. Cookouts. And fire works are mandatory.....lol
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Jennelle Jarvis 3 years ago
I was with my friends 4 year old son and when we got to the register there was so one there so he started yelling hello, register person where are you lol
BAN CAPITAL LETTERS 3 years ago
he said the toddler learned how to snap, not snap at waitstaff. when small children first learn something, they often do it repeatedly everywhere, which may INCLUDE restaurants where there may be waitstaff who think the child is snapping at them when in reality the child is snapping just for the sake of snapping. if he'd taught his child to snap at waitstaff, he wouldn't be apologizing to them in advance.
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Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
I wonder how the astronauts go #2 but maybe I'll ask Google. She won't laugh at me
Load More Replies... Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
My sister had this thing where every night at bedtime she would ask Dad a question which would take a bit of explaining. I could hear everything from my room down the hall, so I started chiming in with "Tonight on Ask Dad!" and singing a little jingle I made up, which they both found hilarious. He has a newspaper column where people write in with science questions now, so I guess the habit stuck.
Polly Hart 3 years ago
I was shaken awake at 3am, "Mummy, wake up - it's an emergency," Of course I wake up and ask what's wrong. "Mummy, I need an octopus!" No. No you don't.
Trond Øien 3 years ago
"What are we inside when we're outside?" is one of the best ones so far for me.
Deborah B 3 years ago
Telling them "you are always inside your skin" can backfire.
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#46
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
That's important. There is a *right* way so the bag doesn't get torn & spill cereal all in the box & you can't close the bag back cause its torn.Idk what it is but l know what the wrong way is.
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Powerful Musk Ox 3 years ago
Truth. Especially if you're the black sheep of the family. Not speaking from experience AT ALL.
Madelyn Jeffords 3 years ago
I am the golden sheep. I’m the middle child with an older sister, younger brother. Here’s an instance from last month’s beach vacation. I have to solve ALL MY SIBLING’S PROBLEMS (little brother: the sand is too wet! Older sister: you’re blocking the shade! Move it!) and the second I can finally lay down and relax my parents are all, “time to go sweets!” And I’m thinking 🤬🤬🤬
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GenXandEarnedItAll 3 years ago
Yup. Pack up your entire house, transport it to another house, "rest and relax," then pack it all back up and return home...
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Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
With me it was "you could have gotten it done five times in the time you've wasted complaining about it!" I'm not even a parent and I still turned into my mum. (I was working in childcare, so it was someone else's kid whose sulk I had to deal with).
dimensionalremi 3 years ago
this was me with "because i said so" when i started working with kids! i learned very quickly that "because i said so" translates to kids as "i'm an adult and i know more than you haha idiot" but really just means "the explanation for this is so long and boring and you won't really get it so can you please just go do the thing i asked you to"
dimensionalremi 3 years ago
specifically, we have a rule at the camp i work at that kids can't climb higher than 6ft on the play structure. the real reason is because the state says that there has to be a certain amount of space between the top of the play structure and the nearest thing the kids could jump into for them to climb etc etc. the explanation gets about as many kids to listen as "because i said so" and takes three times as long.
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lonely miso 2 years ago
Any kotlc fans read the signature on the green one and go YOOO ITS TAM? No? Just me?
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EpicWolfandSparrow 3 years ago
I've been saying *confuzzled* forever. Thought I made it up, bf thinks he made it up.....we have some differences
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
Some of those words make A lot of sense. Who knew *Google it* would be an acceptable verb?
Layla Holston 2 years ago
Adjective. confuzzled (comparative more confuzzled, superlative most confuzzled) (childish) Confused or puzzled.
3 years ago
97% of people who just read that are now searching up 'is confuzzled a real word?'
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Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
You can't tell him what you did bc when he goes to college, you'll die of worry
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James016 3 years ago
I remember the car journey where my son converted our speed from miles per hour to kilometres per hour in his head. My wife has to get her phone out and check it with the calculator. He was off by less than 2. He is 7. We still don’t know how he learnt how to do this conversation as it’s not something they teach in year 2 maths
Adam Zad 3 years ago
He looked at the speedometer, which has both displayed. He suckered you.
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Starhawk Hunt 3 years ago
There math geniuses. Truly blonde daughter (get her with a blonde joke ten seconds fast). She has a PhD in bio- chem that she got at Duke University on a full scholarship + they paid her $2000/mo. I Can’t add 2+2 and get 5 properly. Math genius.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
Way faster than their parents. The struggle to stay ahead of your kids today is real.
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Deborah B 3 years ago
So, the next fun activities will now be, pulling out nails, applying filler, sanding, and touching up paint. Get a plank of wood or an offcut of drywall from a builder's merchant, and let them practice their DIY skills outside. Sounds like a fun and educational summer break.
hot foot mask 3 years ago (edited)
if they're old enough to secretly acquire & properly use a hammer & nails without making everyone aware of what they're up to (being excessively noisy, banging their fingers, etc), they should be old enough to know not to destroy the walls....... go ahead, downvote me for daring to critique a parent, but come on, really??? how did this even happen.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
Send them outside & make them hammer nails in an old board or tree. Not your walls!
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Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
You mean 12. That's when they lose their minds for the next 8 years. 'Round 21, 22, they'll get it back & y'all can be friends then
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Delta Dawn 3 years ago
My little one packed stuffed animals and a computer circuit board. V important items
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
She could join with the 6 yo taking the sage, garlic salt & Descendants dolls
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Casey Casper 3 years ago
Well it's a little more concerning that the kid simply doesn't care that the mom is dead-
Load More Replies... Random Person 3 years ago
Option 1: "My mother didn't even listen to my stories" Option 2: "My parents always encouraged my story telling, that's how I became a best selling author and bought them a mansion."
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago (edited)
Then you might wonder in later years why she doesn't talk to you anymore. Its hard to pay attention sometimes, especially if you're ADD but worth it.(I'm ADD, not saying you are)
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GenXandEarnedItAll 3 years ago
My wonderful children figured out quickly not to talk to mommy before she drinks her coffee. Now if I could train husband as well...
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Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
Jeepers, they are so honest, but no discretion or tact (or how to lie abt how you really look)
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Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
Trade him the $5 for a quarter. You won't find me arguing
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Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
They hate mushy. I guess they don't like the funny feelings...hmmph, l know some adults like that
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Gobblecote 3 years ago
My children wear swimming goggles when I'm washing their hair, exactly for this reason 🤗
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago (edited)
Before they had the Baby bath slings. Daughter was abt 14 months old & l was bathing her. She was slippery with soap & before l could catch her, she slid completely under the water. Not happy, not at all That ended peaceful shampooing. She refused to let me get her face wet or shampoo her hair. l tried everything but her fear was real. At 2, after my mom tried one last time (Girl, you need to learn how to handle her! I'll Show you) They Went In The Bathroom dry & happy. Ten minutes later, my mom appeared, holding her. Both soaking wet, wild & upset. Mom said "How much Is Karen [our hairdresser]? I'll pay it. Call Her." She sat in the salon chair like A perfect angel the whole time. She knew Karen would not let her face get wet bc she had watched me get my hair done.
Delta Dawn 3 years ago
Put a picture on the ceiling above the bath, tell them to look at it. The general concept of “keep looking up while I clean soap out of your hair” is far too abstract otherwise.
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Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
Me: I'm sorry, love but l don't have any money to go to DQ. 4 y/o: Can't you get It out of The ATM?
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NsG 3 years ago
I do not play golf, regular, mini, crazy or otherwise. I am *very* bad at it, but my friends like inviting us along to their kids crazy golf parties because it's endlessly entertaining to them to watch me completely lose patience, but not be able to lose my composure because of said kids. One of the younger kids (six at the time) said "why don't you play it like pool Auntie N?". (She's seen me play pool, I'm better than mummy). For some reason this worked, she is my new favourite nibling and I will be sponsoring her through the university of her choice - genius!
Evan Wills 3 years ago
Upvote because you said nibling. Everybody I know thinks it's stupid.
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John Dilligaf 3 years ago
when you and the spouse have to switch from 1 on 1 defense to zone defense
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
My boss told me l didn't have any kids bc l only had one. He said "its a whole different show once you have two. Nobody argue or fights now bc there's only one kid. 10 years later, l told him he was right. They're 7 years apart. What could they possily argue About?!? Name it
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Mike Crow 3 years ago
I was in film school and used several of my kids friends in my final project as extras. One of them was in grade three and was so happy to be in the film that she ran up to her teacher and excitedly told her that she was in an adult film.
Sasy 3 years ago
I got most of the way through then started to wonder how much time these people spend on thinking up what will be funny on the internet vs what actually happened...also it must not be so tough everyone still seems to have time for Twitter and so on. Kids are hilarious, kids are a challenge this is true, but most of this is just stuff that happens when you have to take care of someone.
Mike Crow 3 years ago
I was in film school and used several of my kids friends in my final project as extras. One of them was in grade three and was so happy to be in the film that she ran up to her teacher and excitedly told her that she was in an adult film.
Sasy 3 years ago
I got most of the way through then started to wonder how much time these people spend on thinking up what will be funny on the internet vs what actually happened...also it must not be so tough everyone still seems to have time for Twitter and so on. Kids are hilarious, kids are a challenge this is true, but most of this is just stuff that happens when you have to take care of someone.
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