It’s Time For The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Month, And Here Are The Best Ones This May (35 Pics)

Sleep with one eye open

Oh this needs more upvotes

but which potato? mommy potato or daddy potato? that is the question

pLEasE

OOOOOOHHHHHHH

I get the opposite, my kids are teens and I look and dress pretty young (think jeans, sneakers and tees). I get asked all the time if I am my kids big sister. I find that hilarious because I had my kids at 27 and 30. I guess the saying is true, "black don't crack" 🤣🤣🤣

To make it more convincing, have a white van nearby

Laughed way too hard at this one.

I've yet to meet a dog that was a fussy eater. I've seen them eat cat poop.

Wait, KISS is still alive? I thought they'd have died of old age by now.

An overthinker in the making!

The inherent danger of 1-click-purchase being enabled....

"Sleeping Beauty game" is the best parental hack ever! Whoever stays asleep the longest without moving wins!

I mean... you said your hands. Not your feet! 🤣🦶≠✋️

We have „The boy who swims“ in the car (Nirvana‘s Nevermind album)

Awwww❤️❤️❤️

Cheese is magic, so fair enough.

My sister used to describe everything she didn't like as 'spicy'. The jig was up when she tried to use the term on pears and ice cream.

*Gasp* NO ICE CREAM?! How cruel!

I had a German Shepherd who would spread love, eat my cooking enthusiastically, listen, and obey commands before having a human toddler.

I vividly remember being at restaurant with my husband when I was pregnant with my first kiddo, saw a family with two kids on iPad the whole time and said we definitely would never allow that with our kids. Hahahahhhjajahajah... joke was on me.

My son has a baggie where he keeps 2 stuck together Skittles candies and he frequently reminds us not to eat it because it's an 8. He thinks he has a special piece, not realizing it's something that happens frequently. 😂

🎶sweeeet home Alabama 🎶

Ah s**t this is what I have to look forward to with my 4, 3, and 2 year old girls? I don't drink but someone bring wine.

If you can't love yourself...

did she get first place?

basement is always a good option

Omg this was exactly me when I was younger. Still have most of them to this day

My daughter had a friend over once, who kept asking, 'Where are the up stairs? You know, the stairs to go up?' She didn't know anybody who lived in a one-storey house.

close enough

HAHA!! You wish! If anything, you will probably be even more late than before... and you won't even be able to blame traffic!

Steve Martin once said, "Teach your kids to talk wrong. So on the first day of kindergarten, instead of saying, "Can I use the bathroom?" they say, "Can I mambo over to the banana patch?"

We all know it’s a joke but folks, please do no take excessive amounts of ibuprofen. It can cause kidney failure. So can a lot of other OTC drugs, but that one is a particular problem.

Already showed them "f**k fuckity f**k f**k f**k" in south park.

soon buddy, soon

So true

Aww she is sweet.

My dishwasher quit last night and I questioned if life was worth continuing....

It’s the Grapes of Wrath!

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I am a 50-year old woman and I kind of agree with her statement. Mushrooms are super gross and WILL kill you.

How could you say that to Billy?! (Patting the air)

I choose you, Pikachu, I mean Penne.

I have a F-I-L who would endorse that sentiment.

Is your friend going to take the 4pm-11pm shift?

12...? It's great that they think positively but...

My adult friend says that whenever he needs sunblock or a band-aid, he approaches a mom with one of those giant bags.

💔

She sees you when you're sleeping, she knows when you're awake...

My son had found his grandmothers razor near the tub and shaved off part of his right eyebrow. A few days later, my husband is giving me a haircut and drags the electric clippers across a comb to trim my bangs. I was like "Did you just shave my eyebrow?" He says "No" takes comb away "Oops..." Same half..same eyebrow. So for a while, whenever my son and I were together, it looked like an inherited genetic abnormality than an accident.

At that age, mine asked if whales sneeze? Conversations with 2 cetologists, a marine biologist, Google searches, and almost 20 years later "?"

I can totally picture that perplexed thumbs up, only my teen would have added an eye roll for emphasis.

Ha, I remember how annoying that was, but there is a part of me that misses it, also.

Sometimes Aunties get to use it... Desperate aunties.

So true

Change schools.

🤣

image trumps functionality.

I've got this solved. Let them play till 11pm. They collapse from exhaustion because unlike you, they are not coffee powered. Then you pick them up and dump them as-is on the bed. Next morning wake them up with a miliary bugle call. Do this a few times and they get it.

That kid is not mine!

All of them

My (now 18 yo) son used to call lawnmowers "lawn mow mows" and I still find myself saying that word in my head whenever I see one.

On it!

my kids have screentime which is I allow them on their phones between 6am and 9am on saturdays.

Or shout that your grey hair on your head needs a coloration soon while pointing on it...