Imagine you are locked in some verbal fireworks with someone, and all eyes are on you, waiting eagerly for your next move. Just as the tempo rises, the verbal smackdown fizzles out — all because you couldn’t think of some good roasts on the spot!
We’ve all been there. The frustration of not being able to deliver funny burns and comebacks to win the duel can last for days. Until you wake up in the middle of the night and have a sudden epiphany. Your brain finally delivers the best funny roasts you could have used in that situation. Alas, now there is no one to hear your savage comeback quotes.
Roasting is an art — it’s a verbal battle where a sharp tongue and a quick wit are your weapons. It requires wit, timing, and a touch of audacity. However, not everyone is blessed with the fiery tongue or the unfiltered personality of Gordon Ramsay. He seems to have a formidable arsenal of stunning comebacks that can render anyone speechless. Now you must be thinking, “What are some good comebacks that I can use when stuck in similar situations?” Don’t stress. If you can’t innovate, then simply imitate. We’ve collected a ton of fiery roasts that you can use in any situation. In this guide, we’ll equip you with awesome roasts and savage comeback quotes that will leave your opponents gasping. You’ll own the room with these good roasts and epic comebacks.
Whether you wish to use a clever pun or a well-timed one-liner, we’ve got you covered! This list will give you good roasts that play with words and comebacks that will demolish your rivals with style (as long as it’s all good, clean fun). So get ready to level up your banter game and become the reigning champion of good roasts.
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“You’re not the dumbest person I’ve ever met, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”
"It would be a great day If you used a glue stick instead of Chapstick."
"Whatever doesn’t kill you, disappoints me."
"Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?"
"Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours?"
"When I was in high school, one of my classmates gave our teacher a typical 'your mom' response to a question without realizing the teacher’s mother had just died. Without missing a beat, the teacher said 'leave my mother out of this. I don’t make fun of your parents, and look what they produced.'"
"When I look at you, I think to myself where have you been my whole life? Can you go back there?"
''I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.''
"If you were a spice, you'd be flour."
"It is better to shut your mouth and make people think you are stupid than open it and remove all doubt."
"You are like a software update. Every time I see you, I immediately think “not now”."
"Whoever told you to be yourself, gave you a bad advice."
"It is hilarious how you are trying to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence."
"I am not ignoring you; I am just giving you a time to understand what you just said."
"Hurting you is the least thing I want to do… but it’s still in the list."
"Every time I think you can’t get any dumber, you are proving me wrong."
"Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?"
“You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
My grandpa used to say this. He’d also say, “You’re about as funny as a fart in a spacesuit.”
"There is someone out there for everyone. For you, it’s a therapist."
“You look like you smell like hot dog water.”
Do you mean water some weird people boil hot dogs in? Or the water an overheated pooch is sitting in?
"You look like you have an 800 page manifesto somewhere."
"Every time I have a stick in my hand, you look like a pinata."
"I told my therapist about you; she didn’t believe me."
"Earth is full. Go home."
"Let me tell you. If I don’t answer you the first time, what makes you think the next 25 will work?"
"A glowstick has a brighter future than you."
"God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind."
"Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. I’m sorry for it."
Nah, go and apologize to every single plant, tree, bush and speck of algae in the ocean that had produced oxygen for you
"Where is your off button?"
I tell my kinder babies this. “Push your off buttons!” It never fails! They always push their bellies and dramatically close their mouths. Best “get ‘em quiet quick” teaching hack ever!
"You look like somebody set you on fire and put you out with a chain."
“You look like someone dropped a lollipop at the barber shop.”
"Why do you spend all your time crying about your past? It's your future, or lack thereof, you should be upset about."
"You were so happy for the negativity of your Covid test, we didn’t want to spoil the happiness by telling you it was IQ test."
"Everyone has purpose in this life, yours is to become an organ donor."
"When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list."
Idk about this one. They could just come back and say "we're the same age. What does that tell you?"
"Don't feel bad, don't feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too!"
"Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot."
"Honey, only thing bothering me is placed between your ears."
"I think you just need a high five… in the face… with a chair."
"Ola soy Dora. Can you help me find where we asked?"
"You hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring."
"They said I looked like if Wolverine's super power was greasy skin."
The grammar is so bad that it's difficult to understand the intended joke.
"Posted a picture of myself after I lost a lot of weight. Someone comments 'Bruno Mars has really let himself go.'
Someone else replies 'Bruno Mars Bars.'"
“You are so useless, you couldn’t pour water from a boot with instructions written on the bottom.”
"DAMN, I have seen hippos skinnier than you."
"You can be anything you want… except good looking."
"Someone said that I had a face so boring that they had to stare at the white wall behind me for some amusement."
“Thanks for wearing graph paper so we can calculate the exact waste of space.”
I had a friend who used to say, I wouldn't p|ss in his butt if his guts was on fire.
"You should carry a plant with you everywhere you go. You know, to replace all the oxygen you waste."
“If I wanted some comeback I’d wipe it off your mom’s chin.”
"A co-worker said, 'good enough for the girls I go out with!'
And I blurted out, 'yes, but I've seen the girls you go out with.'"
"Congrats. Your computer is now, ah... well, I'd tell you how many times more than you it's worth, but that would require scientific notation."
"If I were a dog and you were a flower, I'd lift my leg up and give you a shower."
"Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don't want to be mean, but you need Listerine."
"I’ve heard of the legend about a person whose mom made an oven roast with pieces of garlic in it."
"You must have been an auctioneer in your past life and so you’ve spent this lifetime repenting for it."
The best I've heard are 1)Cannot pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel 2)You are as sharp as a marble - a round one 3) Intelligence have always chased you but you've been faster 4) When God was raining brains you were carrying an umbrella 5) I could drink alphabet soup and s**t out a better sentence than this 6 ) Wilted lettuce? Just five wilted leaves of lettuce, is that what is there in your head? Please feel free to add more to this!!
The best I've heard are 1)Cannot pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel 2)You are as sharp as a marble - a round one 3) Intelligence have always chased you but you've been faster 4) When God was raining brains you were carrying an umbrella 5) I could drink alphabet soup and s**t out a better sentence than this 6 ) Wilted lettuce? Just five wilted leaves of lettuce, is that what is there in your head? Please feel free to add more to this!!
