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Sarcasm is a prevalent trait in British humor. It often pokes fun at the absurdity of life, some of which may come across as mildly insulting. Usually expressed through light banter and comical insults, it is generally relatable enough to draw some laughs. 

Here are some screenshots of posts as examples. These are from the British Tweets Facebook page, a collection of jokes, dry wit, and puns that hit home for people in the UK. But even if you’re not from that side of the world, you may nonetheless find amusement in these. 

Enjoy scrolling through!

#1

Tweet showcasing British humor with a rubber duck named Edwin in a London hotel room.

British Tweets Report

Emma Miller
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked for this hotel chain! Had them all at one point as every hotel had a different one :)

Owen
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We need to see *all* the ducks.

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Abel
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Edwin will never judge you, even when you are naked. That is true love.

UKGrandad
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'Quackers', Glix; 'quakers' are a religious group.

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Robert Trebor
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hello, Edwin. Would you like to go for a ride?

HTakeover
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Congratulations! You are now responsible for the emotional and physical well being of this creature!

Hmmm hmmmm
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looks like it's from Alex hotel chain , there's 8 across the UK. So guess where I'm going in January

Ru Bee
Community Member
11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's Apex... Different coloured duck in each hotel with a different name. I think there's about 8 in the chain just Google apex ducks ☺️

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Albert Swarthout
Community Member
1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He’s walleyed! He couldn’t POSSIBLY survive on his own in the wild! You HAVE to take him. ;)

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RELATED:
    #2

    Tweet with British humor: "Real water drinkers know that not all water tastes the same," showing cultural wit.

    haniellesv Report

    Kylie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nope it doesn't. It doesn't even have the same mouth feel.

    arthbach
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kylie, we lived in Wales, and went on holiday to Cambridge. The water there tasted awful! We had to resort to buying juice to mix in with the water to make it palatable.

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    Renee H.
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thank you!!!! People think I'm crazy when I say this. I hate the water that comes out of my tap. Also I cant drink certain bottled waters. They actually dry out my mouth believe it or not.

    Kira Okah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, you don't have to glug water religiously to know that. At my dad's house the tap water from the bathroom was way nicer than the kitchen, different bottled waters taste different, hard water vs soft water, spring vs mineral.

    David
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    RIP all the non-water drinkers out there. /j

    Bill
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a company in town that bottles water. The tap is filtered but they fill bottles for every brand you can think of. Evian spelled backwards is naive. But yes our tap water tastes different than the next town over.

    The Scout
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Actually one of the reasons water is so heavily processed by bottling companies is to make it NOT taste different then the one the next town over.

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    Grenelda Thurber
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are people who think all water tastes the same?

    Herringbone
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, they are the ones who think that putting your tap water through a SodaStream makes it into Perrier. I know people like that.

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    ZGutr
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I live off my own water well, it taste different from day to day

    zims
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every time I complain that the water at my parent's house tastes terrible, my dad says water doesn't have a taste if it's clean. Like...he's so close to getting the point.

    Jac Carr
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In my country, the local water is nasty so we're all on bottled or filtered water. There's one brand here that tastes like it's diluted. I know how dumb that sounds and I have no other way to describe it but it tastes like water that's been diluted

    Dawn Marie
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I could never get my Mom to understand this!!! Besides: Water dries out my mouth something awful!!

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    #3

    Tweet showcasing British humor about Coke tasting different based on packaging.

    abidickson01 Report

    Immortal Jellyfish
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But we all know the glass bottles are best!

    Pyla
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Made in Mexico Coke is the best

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    UKGrandad
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Glass is best because it's a non-reactive material, so when you drink from it you taste only the liquid. When you drink from plastic or paper cups you are also tasting the cup.

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Has to be a glass bottle. Coke tastes best from a glass bottle.

    Maris madness
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same with Dr Pepper....McDonald's is the best

    Papa
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've been drinking Dr Pepper for over 50 years, but if suddenly the only way it was available was in plastic bottles I'd never drink another one.

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    Queeqec
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thanks BP for censoring the name. I feel much safer now. [/s]

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    McDonalds mixes Coke sirup and sparkling water.

    Trillian
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Coke in the US is completely undrinkable. This corn syrup is vile.

    zims
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's why I pour my can into a glass, even if I know it's just adding dishes.

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    American humor is likely more familiar to many, thanks to Hollywood and sitcoms. To better understand British humor, famed comedian Ricky Gervais wrote an article in Time Magazine in 2011. 

    One observation he pointed out was that Americans are more reserved in their use of irony, while fellow Brits “use it liberally as prepositions in everyday speech.” 

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    “We tease our friends. We use sarcasm as a shield and a weapon. We avoid sincerity until it’s absolutely necessary,” Gervais wrote.

    #4

    Tweet displaying British humor with a joke about receiving £150 from birthday cards as a postman.

    JHockley5 Report

    Rae Black
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I should not have read that with a mouthful of coffee

    N G
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it's a perk of the job

    Alex Boyd
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I trained for the (US) post office, we had to watch a video that repeatedly emphasized that it's a criminal offense if you take, "even a dollar bill from a birthday card." This was somewhere around 2010, so the reference seemed a little dated.

    Jenka666
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m sure the Amazon drivers are ready for Christmas with the amount of deliveries happening (or not) at the moment

    sbj
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm surprised people still send cash via snail mail as a lot of people don't carry it and some shops, bars, eateries etc don't accept it anymore so they'd prefer it electronically

    Hannah
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    You're a disgrace.

    JoRo
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Welcome to jokes. Definition: A thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline.

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    #5

    Close-up of a perfectly toasted bread slice captioned with a witty British humor tweet.

    LizRummy Report

    Tobias Reaper
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i think an award ceremony for the best toasts of the year we can call it the toasties the award will be a golden toaster with toast sticking out the top

    Rae Black
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yay, for the little wins!

    Pittsburgh rare
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Butter that baby before it gets cold

    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And while you were taking this picture, the bottom of it got all soggy. Sogged right up.

    Bill
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pfft no image of Mary or Elvis on it? lol jk it looks perfect

    Robert Trebor
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Beautiful. Where's the marmalade?

    Shannon Donnelly
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As someone who is gluten intolerant, this is absolute food porn :)

    Fat Harry (Oi / You)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And now it's cold because you stopped to take a photo of it!

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    #6

    Tweet about finding a parking spot with a Fiat 500 humorously hidden in it, showcasing British humor.

    JessBelll1 Report

    Kylie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or these days, a smart car.

    Robert T
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's how I find my car in a car park - I look for the empty space - everything else is so much taller than it.

    Will Cable
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For me it is when you park away from the store entrance where no one else is parked and some a-hole then parks alongside and partly on the bay you are using .

    Antonia
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I rode a '72 Fiat 500. In a big parkinglot I could never find it. Therefore I had an orange bicycle flag on the rear bumper.

    Ray Davis
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Should have different stop lines - like airports for airplanes. You short? Stop here, not all the way back there.

    Tim Douglass
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Part of the time I drive a full-size 15 passenger van that's about 3 feet longer than a normal vehicle, so I'm programmed to pull as far up in a parking space as I can get. When I'm driving my Bolt I end up hiding it from drivers looking for a slot. I'm sorry. Don't hate me.

    Rosie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think people have the same reaction to my itty bitty SmartCar.

    Rick Seiden
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I park my motorcycle in a lot, I always park it so the back tire is where a normal car's trunk would be, so you see it as you approach.

    Ashlisha
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you give it a little nudge the parking spot is yours.

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    Gervais is best known for his character, David Brent, in The Office, a mockumentary about corporate life. An American version of the sitcom starring Steve Carrell was later released. 

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    Regarding the dry nature of British humor, Gervais admits that it’s not for everybody. He describes it as “play fighting,” which is a “sign of affection” for someone you like and an “ego bursting” for someone you dislike.

    #7

    Tweet about British humor, featuring a woman being petty at a Tesco checkout, gaining likes and engagement.

    Pandamoanimum Report

    Pernille
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would just mumble "you're welcome" if that was me.

    Angela B
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do this when a driver doesn't give me "the wave" or "the nod" when I let them in front of me in traffic.

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    Mike D
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the US we just set the dividers down; no comment needed

    JLo
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, I didn't know you were supposed to thank someone for that.

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    David
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is rarely a thank you here (Western US). It's just something people do. I think one reason is the person is doing it for themselves as much as you. They don't want the stuff behind them mixed in with their purchases.

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In scotland we do this without needing the thanks. It's nice to be nice.

    Der Kommissar
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If someone in front of me does not put the divider behind their purchases, I ask them if they are paying for my stuff

    Campy
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You put the divider down for yourself, so you aren't incorrectly paying for someone else's stuff.

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I put dividers down to separate my purchases from those of people before and after me. I'm slightly OCD if you can't tell. 🫡

    TribbleThinking
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol. I also push them towards the end so that the people waiting can start unloading their baskets.

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    MC C
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    since when do you say thank you for that? you are doing it for yourself, everyone needs to stop being such self intitled twits

    El Dee
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I get this, when you put the divider down you do it so you don't get charged for the stuff belinging to the person behind you so it's done in self interest..

    Diane H
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't think deserves a Thank you. I want to make sure I'm not paying for your stuff.

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    #8

    Car shows British humor with a math joke on the rear, scribbled in dust, under a license plate ending in 815.

    British Tweets Report

    Khavrinen
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Except it's the UK, so they'd say "Maths vandals".

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    Mohsie Supposie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's correct. I just checked!

    Julie S
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok who double checked they got this right?

    Jalunney
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Dill
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be fair, someone said they've not seen it in this layout and another said they 'didn't think' it was legit - which implies they're not 100% certain.

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    Cee Cee
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never seen a licence plate in this layout.

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    LostGirl
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, atleast you will always know the answer.

    Gracie Mae
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    those danged mathletes are at it again!

    Dariusz M. D.
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So.... being able to multiply equals sophistication in the UK? Duly noted

    Jenny
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    #9

    Tweet highlighting British humor about boredom at Topshop fitting rooms.

    British Tweets Report

    Mohsie Supposie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They knew what you were doing!

    Jenka666
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They probably had cameras of the main area and seen you doing it. You should’ve just taken a nap.

    Chewie Baron
    Community Member
    Premium
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to work in Next during the 90s, and whenever guys who were on their own were trying jeans on and asked if they looked good, I always said no. Go to a shop that actually makes decent jeans. At the time, Next were only really good for shirts and ties.

    Gwyn
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You could have just taken a nap on the clock and no one would ever have known!

    Joshua David
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I tried this once then had to spend 10 minutes trying to talk the boss out of calling an ambulance for me. I did get to leave though.

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    Gervais says British comedy’s offensive and slightly abrasive nature is more about speaking the truth. He never purposely attacks anyone with his comedy but always says what he means. 

    “Be honest. No one should ever be offended by the truth. That way, you’ll never have to apologize,” he wrote.

    #10

    Tweet with British humor about a Tesco meal deal misunderstanding at checkout.

    DonaghRoisin Report

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You might want to move to another country. Just to be sure.

    Tom Nagel
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What if this is just this guy's game. Put up enough numbers and I bet he gets a couple dates. 🤷

    Jenka666
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mortified on your behalf.

    Bill Swallow
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Said this before in response to the same item - It's the schtick used by the lad at the checkout. He says it to girls he fancies. If they say yes, Cool! He wins! If they decline, he replies with the 'it's part of the meal deal' bit. No muss, no fuss, no embarrassment. Lad is a genius.

    Steve Robert
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Should have said " I have a boyfriend too, but do you want a drink with your order?"

    Timbob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why the hell not ? You don’t like free ?

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    #11

    Tweet by user meg about how mug choice affects tea taste, showcasing British humor.

    British Tweets Report

    Nea
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need mine to be light in colour and have thin rims and thicker bottom.

    UKGrandad
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another oddity with tea: the next time you make a cuppa, after you've had a few sips take it outside and drink some more. It will taste completely different.

    Sarah K
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Fine bone china cups for tea!

    Lou Cam
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same tea in my giant Sports Direct mug tastes like builders tea but in my twee cat shaped mug tastes cosy and special.

    Sue User
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And this is why i have a collection. Each for a different mood. Heck, i even have different teapots. Yes Marie, they all spark joy. Especially the Royal Dalton fine china cup and saucer my nan bought me that i only use about once a month because i am so afraid of breaking it.

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even though I live in the Treasonous Colonial States, I absolutely concur. Mine is always made in my blue IAFF Local 3972 Jefferson County Professional Firefighter mug I received for 15yrs of service.

    Hmmm hmmmm
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sports direct mugs are the answer

    PatriciaB
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Calm down mate, no one wants a risk drowning

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    Rose the Cook
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have to have it in my favorite cup.

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    #12

    Tweet illustrating British humor with a French speaker asking where a pot's hat is, instead of saying lid.

    British Tweets Report

    Robert Trebor
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My favorite is "Food weapons" for knife and fork.

    Ervin Conn
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a German friend that calls them "Food Tools". She is not wrong.

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    Jossh Nine
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My ex is French. She couldn't remember the word for "bark", as in bark on a tree, so she went with "tree skin". It was amazing.

    Paul Doswell
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Sugrör" - the Swedish word for a drinking straw - literally translates as "suck pipe".

    Trillian
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is both cute and creative. I always use use "that thingie, that ..." when I can't remember a word.

    Aud (she/they)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cinnamons instead of synonyms. I didn't have the heart to correct him, it was too cute 😭

    Philly Bob
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We use antonyms to get better TV reception and homonyms are what people in the Southern USA have for breakfast.

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    Nizumi
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be fair - I never remember the word in French and have used "chapeau"

    Nadine Debard
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm French and I very often say chapeau instead of couvercle.

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    ucp
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m English, and struggle to remember the English for scallops and tarragon, mainly because I learnt them in French first!

    Deirdre M
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a Brazilian friend who called a toaster a "Toast machine". Not wrong?

    Hannah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am in love with him

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    However, some experts believe there is no such thing as a British sense of humor. For University of Salford lecturer in performance and comedy Dr. Ian Wilkie, comedy is always open to interpretation and counterexamples you can’t pin down. 

    In an interview with the BBC, he described the process as “like trying to nail jelly to a wall.”

    #13

    Tweet showcasing British humor about a "binfluencer," a neighbor who sets the bin day example.

    Mr_Jimbob Report

    ColdSteelRonin
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He created a sniglet: A sniglet (/ˈsnɪɡlɪt/) is an often humorous word made up to describe something for which no dictionary word exists. Introduced in the 1980s TV comedy series Not Necessarily the News.

    Mentally Bewildered
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think the guy who's first is the binstigator

    Paul C.
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's hell when they go on holiday though!

    Der Kommissar
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We call them trash containers. Wheelie Binh is the Vietnamese Evel Knievel

    Kylie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Love it when that same person puts out the recycle bin when it's not the right week but everyone else does too.

    Gianna B D
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bandit: Hey, Doreen, is it both bins tonight? Doreen: Don't ask me. I just copy you.

    Ray Davis
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Happens in the U.S. Glad there's a name for it. Swear that they're checking to see if they can beat the guy who beat them last time.

    Gracie Mae
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and a big thank you to that person for reminding those of us that never know what day it is, when it is trash day!

    View more comments
    #14

    Screenshot of a tweet by Axe, showcasing British humor about crawling under a car for £1.

    British Tweets Report

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They will find out soon enough.

    Gwyn
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As soon as the student loans come due

    Load More Replies...
    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would have thought college kids would completely understand that.

    martin734
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Probably not, college kids in the UK are 16-18 years old and still living off their parents. College in the UK usually comes between secondary school and University which is usually started at around 18 years old for first time students.

    Load More Replies...
    Renee H.
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey, a dollar is a dollar! Or in your case a pound is a pound.

    Robert Butt
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe they were laughing because it would have been easier to pull the car out...

    Edda Kamphues
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They will once not funded by mum and dad amymore.

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did the same for a $1 Dollar bill in the 90's. I still would, if I carried cash.

    Ng Yi Kai (Ctss)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i went into a drain to save mine :D

    Mary Peace
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never mind them. You got your £1. Well done.

    Wondering Alice
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is nothing to do with the financial side, it's for a trolley. I rarely use actual money, but every car needs a £1 coin for getting in the shopping. College kids are more likely to use baskets. Losing your pound is a problem, you need to go to an ATM, then break the note. It's way easier to crawl under the car.

    View more comments
    #15

    Tweet about forgetting a toastie machine, showcasing British humor.

    laurennnhxx Report

    Robert Trebor
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have toasties quite often, The machine is ridiculously easy to use, and ridiculously easy to clean. Unlike most of my small appliances.

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ever have this, but with oranges? You don't eat oranges for months, and then you have one, and are reminded that oranges are f*****g fantastic, and you have oranges daily.

    TjB
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My family really takes the pee out of me about my love of oranges! During lockdown, I has the best orange I'd ever tasted - sweet, tangy and so, so juicy. Trouble is, I got a bit carried away, some juice went down the wrong way, and I started choking! Hubby and daughter came running bc I was wheezing so loud, and were yelling at me to spit it out - but it was just too delicious! Now, if ever I say something (particularly citrus fruits) is good, we all go "yeah, but is it choke-worthy?"!!

    Load More Replies...
    Kenny Kulbiski
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want a toastie machine. I think. What the hell is it?

    TjB
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a flip-top little machine that not only toasts your sandwich, but also crimps the edges of the bread together into crusty yumminess Link : https://www.breville.co.uk/sandwich-makers/sandwich-toasters/breville-3-in-1-ultimate-snack-maker/VST098.html#start=3

    Load More Replies...
    Tiggy Darling
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Put some cake mix in it. Tastes amazing.

    Jenka666
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup, and then it’s a case of rinse and repeat. The pattern begins every 2 to 3 years.

    Nuku Nyara
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup , 💯% can relate

    Nadine Debard
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My toastie machine also makes waffles, paninis and quesadillas. I will never forget it.

    Emma London
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do the same with an egg cooker, and then the thing will move back to the closet for half a year again.

    Jan Rosier
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    talking about croque monsieur, right? just had two... we're on our third machine in what, 5 years or so?

    Paulina
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How can you forget! That's like the next important thing after the kettle!

    View more comments

    Gervais echoes a similar statement: all comedy is the same regardless of where you come from. But for him, it’s more of an “intellectual pursuit” where his objective is not to dumb down his audience. 

    “As a comedian, I think my job isn’t just to make people laugh but also make them think,” he stated. “Not everyone will like what I say or find it funny. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

    #16

    Tweet about a trial shift at Lloyds Bank, showcasing British humor with different phone accents and HR incident.

    British Tweets Report

    Senjo Krane
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No sense of humour these bankers.

    MagicJacket
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You misspelled a word there. Should be a W instead of a B.

    Load More Replies...
    Billycat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My friend did this on the phones with National Express buses for years. Drama student practicing her accents.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tell me Yoda and Apu were in there.

    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Could have claimed multiple personality disorder and gone for medial discrimination. Depends if you wanted the job or not.

    Ray Davis
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Should have gotten pay for all 6 people, Sybil.

    JSMart26
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thankfully, you’re not sociopathic enough to work in a major bank

    eMpTy
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    HR = Humanus Redictulum

    Beth Wheeler
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hate coffee and hot tea I'm a US southern girl who only drinks cold sweet tea. But do not EVER put more than 1 cup of sugar in a gallon of tea, if you do it's way too sweet and I can't drink it.

    View more comments
    #17

    Tweet about spending £100 easily, highlighting British humor.

    brandypapii Report

    sbj
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can do this without leaving the house

    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes. I also like to go to the pub for two drinks.

    Jenka666
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have learned that the moment you break a £50 it’s gone.

    Mike F
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just breathing the air...

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I understand. $100 dollars in groceries, generic brands and marked down meats at that, got me 3 bags of groceries.

    Edda Kamphues
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think my cats do that on a regular basis.

    Karl
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s called “Cocaine”

    View more comments
    #18

    Screenshot of a tweet highlighting British humor about a driving instructor's joke on bad parking.

    British Tweets Report

    Paul C.
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You taught me, Kenny!

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The best part about driving a fire apparatus, there certain times that I got to say to entitled individuals, "Yes, that is where I parked, and no I am not moving it so you can get by."

    Ray Davis
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Must've been a blast being Kenny's student.

    OneHappyPuppy
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So let me get this straight - in the UK you take driving lessons...in your own car? How else did the instructor know whose car it was? Or did he just see a random car and text a random student, that's even weirder

    Paul C.
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Her driving instructor texted her to say he'd seen her car parked so badly, it looked like it had fallen from the sky...not straight is my guess.

    Load More Replies...
    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is just a friendly version of "You shouldn't have parked there mate".

    View more comments
    #19

    Tweet displaying British humor about being sober versus drunk in a taxi.

    TheOrlacle Report

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nowadays, after my favorite lounge closed, I just stay home, drink, and have philosophical/metaphysical/theological/cosmological conversations with my cats.

    #20

    Tweet displaying trademark British humor about people bragging about not having sugar in tea or coffee.

    _aidanflynn Report

    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No sugar OR MILK, M**********R!!!

    Meagan Glaser
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    if you smoke a cigarette with it you are legally required to become a detective

    Load More Replies...
    B Hobbs
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dad drank his coffee black, mom put milk and sugar in hers. Dad would occasionally comment about mom 'poisoning' her coffee. Mom would mutter something about 'it's not my coffee that's being poisoned'. Married some 40 years.

    Iampenny
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a no sugar, no milk gal :-D

    Widdershins66
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep, me too. I don't drink my calories, I eat them!

    Load More Replies...
    Mohsie Supposie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have only half a teaspoon and I am really proud of it! Nothing wrong with some self encouragement!

    Nea
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yea thats fine but some people are relly condescending to others who like theirs sweet :(

    Load More Replies...
    Emma S
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then joke "no thanks, I'm sweet enough" 🙄🤣

    Julie S
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG I worked in a cafe you will not believe how often I heard this!

    Load More Replies...
    Nuku Nyara
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't use sugar in my tea because I'm diabetic 😜

    Oskar vanZandt
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I drink my coffee black... Only put a teaspoon of honey in regular tea if have a cold.

    Robert T
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why do workmen like it with milk and TWO sugars?

    Debbie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Especially when I drink it black, so if I offer some and they want milk and sugar.. Do I have milk? Is it still good? Where is my sugar? And oh they'll need spoons to stir and a spoon to scoop the sugar!

    Load More Replies...
    Chewie Baron
    Community Member
    Premium
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was raised in the North of England where it is the law to have milk and two sugars. Anyone who breaks this law is deported to that there London immediately.

    View more comments
    #21

    Tweet showing British humor with a best man joking about a second wedding, using #weddingfail.

    yourbizsucks Report

    Oerff On Tour
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Finishing the speech with "Thank you, and till the next time." won't help either...

    ZGutr
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    damn! that's a good one

    Anne Nyheim
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was late for a good friend's wedding. In my stressed mind a joke would be a nice way to smooth things over, and I listened in horror as my brain poured these words out of my mouth: "I'm sorry, I promise I'll catch your next one"

    ara c
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    lol, he must hate you now

    George D
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Long time friend has been married 3 times. The weddings start to take on a surreal quality when you've actively participated in all 3.

    ucp
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    On a friend’s stag prior to his second wedding, one lad started talking about a lovely pub in his home town. I said “we know where the next stag’s going to be then”. The groom was ok with that.

    MrLiesegang
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think he will not hold a speech at the 3. wedding

    Steve Robert
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well there was at least one person not attending.

    z4dt82sdvx
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I sent a card to my ex-wife on her second wedding. It was a woman in a cake shop saying "just the usual please". She liked it.

    View more comments
    #22

    Tree humorously trimmed in half, showcasing British humor in suburban setting.

    JustMikeDaily Report

    Crouching hippo hidden panda
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hippies to the left of tree, arseholes to the right, here I am.

    Robert Millar
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *Yorkshire voice* 'E gave it a right clippin'

    Sinead Kenny
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have this neighbour and then he dumps the waste back into my garden before I have chance to cut it myself.

    zims
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hope the poor thing doesn't die

    Mike D
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not sure this is just in the UK

    Immortal Jellyfish
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Neighbour was done with the bird poop!

    Nea
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Damn British trees!

    View more comments
    #23

    A humorous tweet about wishing for a hangover cure, highlighting British humor.

    ruillebuille Report

    Tobias Reaper
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    we have its called a bacon sandwich

    François Bouzigues
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It exists. It is called a glass of water every other round.

    Load More Replies...
    Jossh Nine
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Chug a half cup of pickle juice and eat a banana. Then have a little toke of weed and watch Star Wars "Empire Strikes Back".

    A girl
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    McDonald's sausage biscuit. Perfect combo of absorbing stomach acid, lubricating stomach, carb rush to the brain. It's like a savory Tums.

    AtMostAFabulist
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mcdonalds hamburger, small fry strawberry shake.

    Load More Replies...
    H Cef
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cup of instant Miso Soup has always worked for me. We must be fish in another life.

    Load More Replies...
    Nizumi
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Big glass of water before bed and a small glass of orange juice when you wake up. A hangover is just dehydration. The sour stomach you might be having along with it - well that's something else entirely and I have no quippy solution for that, sorry.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Greggs sausage roll and ice cold coke.

    LadySparre
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bacon sandwich, crisps + coke/repair beer/chocolate milk or what ever beverage that strikes your fancy

    Connie Wade
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A spicy Bloody Mary is medicinal. Fixes me right up!

    LostGirl
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh no, so terrible being faced with your own karma

    Diane H
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's called "Hair of the Dog"... have another one.

    View more comments
    #24

    Tweet exemplifying British humor about taxi rides, mentioning the phrase "anywhere here is fine thanks."

    lewisa95 Report

    Mohsie Supposie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even though "anywhere here" is about 10 miles away from your actual destination!

    LouLou
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then you have to hope they drive away before they see you walking up to the other end of the street to get to your actual house

    Load More Replies...
    Edith
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In some cases it is a safe way not to show driver where you actually live.

    Nacho Man Sandy Ravage
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And your journey has to include "Been busy??" and "What time you on 'til??"

    Jenka666
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or Irish! We do the same.

    Jac Carr
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've lived away from Britain for 24 years and I said this exact phrase to my cab driver earlier today

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They get so confused by this in America, like you just asked to be dropped off in the middle of the Sahara desert.

    View more comments
    #25

    Tweet highlights classic British humor about appreciating school days.

    xjessevansxx Report

    Danielle
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, I don't enjoy paying bills but I'd take that over years of relentless bullying, thanks.

    Load More Replies...
    Dragons Exist
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "no weekends" what magical school did u go to where u didn't have weekend homework

    zims
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not allowed to make noise, use your phone, get up and move around, have a snack, go to the water fountain or toilet without permission, and you had to pay attention at all times, no zoning out.

    El Dee
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    School was AWFUL. I've worked for some terrible bosses (and customers) since but NOTHING was as bad as school..

    R.C.
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was bullied mercilessly and had severe clinical depression from 14 to 22 yrs old. You couldn't pay me enough to go back to that time period of my life.

    Panda McPandaface
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nope, if you're being bullied it's a nightmare.

    Pink Princess
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hours of homework and studying everyday??? Tons of academic stress??? Parents yelling at you for "bad" grades??? Having to still study on the school holidays and weekends??? At least you actually get paid for hard work at your job

    Heras buddy
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    PPP Did school really suck worse than working your life away for ungrateful bastards? You must have went to school from hell.

    Penguin Panda Pop
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    the short answer is yes, I preferred even the crappy jobs I did for 20 years over secondary school. Now I have a job that's less sucky and I'm actually enjoying life. I'm sorry for the many people who don't.

    Load More Replies...
    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    7.45am-3.45pm each day. What magical short-day school did OP go to?

    View more comments
    #26

    Tweet highlighting British humor about a woman sharing Shrek on a phone during a tube ride.

    mmtowns Report

    Timbob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What wonderful, kind person!

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    21st century courtship rituals be like...

    Shannon Donnelly
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of the very few movies I would be okay watching on a stranger's phone

    Jeremy James
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I only just learned that Shrek was originally written for Chris Farley before he passed. They didn't tell Myers until after. I wonder what that movie would have been like. It's hard to imagine Shrek not being Scottish.

    #27

    Tweet displaying British humor about ordering a single sprout online from Tesco, with a package containing one sprout.

    jamesmurden Report

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Order failed successfully.

    Brendan Hills
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Surely that should read "Brussel Sprout"...

    Nancy Bania
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's more than enough anyway.

    Kerry Fletcher
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    3p and then 9.50 for delivery and tip

    MotherofGuineaPigs
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always get "do you really only want 5 sprouts?" Yeah, 10 guinea pigs 1/2 each.

    arthbach
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A friend ordered bananas and selected 6. She was sent 6kg of 'nanas! She tried every banana cake/bread/pudding in existance.

    anonymuswere
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    welp, THAT just screwed up Christmas Dinner (yes, us yanks KNOW)

    SJClarke
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’d be more worried of the spelling… Should be Brussels sprouts.

    Laura Gillette
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once tried to order 4 apples and got 4 BAGS OF APPLES. THERE WERE A DOZEN APPLES IN EACH BAG

    View more comments
    #28

    Tweet with British humor about 3-month anniversary posts, noting cups in one's room last longer.

    jkingy97 Report

    Pandapoo
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If someone I was dating wanted to celebrate a three month anniversary, I’d run.

    Gustav Gallifrey
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's a chicken carcass that i think has been in my fridge longer than that.

    pineapple87
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are these couples teenagers?

    #29

    Tweet joking about UK vs USA drinking competition, showcasing British humor.

    _harry_hall Report

    Denise Aitchison
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're including the Irish, Scot's, and Welsh? I 100% think you're right. We did start as a land for Puritans.

    Adrian
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Brit here living in the US and I concur...

    Adrian
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Must be Americans downvoting. They're afraid....

    Load More Replies...
    Dragons Exist
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As an American I'd also believe that

    TMMITW
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok, it's on. But if Bubba says "Hold my beer" you better take a step back.

    Fat Harry (Oi / You)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even the US pint is smaller. They don't do drinking like we do drinking. Plus we have a whole load of Poles to help.

    Adrian
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Fun fact, the US pint is the original Imperial pint....

    Load More Replies...
    karen Young
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah but we would win in the smoke out!

    Jan Rosier
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then along come the Flemish, outdrinking them all... normal lager over here is 5.2 % alcohol. That's just for thirst. Real bear (monks, triples and whatnot) start at 7.5% alcohol and you drink each of them in 33 cl amounts.

    ucp
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I picked up a couple of cans for the Eurostar back to London from Brussels. Didn’t check the strength, as it looked like a standard lager. 8% abv! Only drank one.

    Load More Replies...
    Pandemonium
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Come visit and I'll take you to my local cannabis shop and it'll be game on

    Jasmijn
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m fairly certain the Scottish alone could do it.

    Adrian Scarlett
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think 68 brits could outdrink 300 million Americans

    View more comments
    #30

    Tweet showcasing British humor about checking takeaways before buying a house.

    gabbiejarvis Report

    HeavyMetalHeart
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our house was newly built when we moved in and it was two years before any delivery places acknowledged we existed and would accept our order!

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I moved into a new build flat in 2004. Took a while for the post office and sat navs etc to get the postcode into their systems. For people coming to visit I had to tell them to look for the lighthouse and that’s the turning. That baffled them at first until they realised that the self storage facility on the corner had a pretend lighthouse.

    Load More Replies...
    Michael Fernandez
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a friend who lives on an idyllic island that can only be reached by ferry; I live in a cramped bungalow in a mid-level tourist city. He gives me the stink eye when I talk about how many restaurants I can choose from.

    Sue User
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Door dash jumped the gun and advertised before they were ready. Took two days to get my order and the girl actually shopped in her hometown and drove 20 miles to deliver. I tipped heavily. Now it shows as " nothing available" .

    Load More Replies...
    Alison Hobbs
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nobody.... I repeat......nobody delivers to my village. I'm very sad 😭

    sbj
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is good advice

    Jenka666
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And try to buy a house that isn’t ridiculously hard to find or you will spend your life giving weird directions

    Timbob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry, it DOES work in the U.S. !

    detective miller's hat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I live in the middle of nowhere and we have a grand total of 2 restaurants who will deliver to us via doordash. And let me tell you, that bbq place must have made a FORTUNE for the first couple of weeks they showed up as a doordash option, because the entire village was super excited about having an option other than incredibly mediocre tacos.

    Gwyn
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We moved to a new development a few years ago and while it's a very nice place to live we can't get pizza delivered to us and that's the thing I miss the most.

    Reviewer01
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Problem is, you'll have to pave an actual order. I checked that I could get food delivered to a rural location, only for one after another of the establishments to send me a "sorry we're not delivering to your area, you have not been charged" message and I went hungry.

    Adrian Scarlett
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I looked up reviews on google before I moved in. My favourite review said "didn't like the chicken kebab. I'm not much for chicken, though."

    View more comments
    #31

    Tweet displays British humor about eating biscuits, recalling childhood rules.

    sophie_pickard1 Report

    Serial pacifist
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I still eat them once a day, one a day then or one pack a day now, just a matter of semantics…

    arthbach
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If anyone needs to be told here's the answer from on Mam. If the biscuit is around the size of your palm, you can have one. If it is the the size of the circle created by putting your thumb and pointer finger together, then it's two. If they are the size of a £1 coin, you can have a handful. --- Hope that helps. :oD

    LouLou
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No way José! If you were my mam I'd be sneaking biscuits in the night 🤣

    Load More Replies...
    Will Cable
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But look on the bright side you can buy the biscuits you want.

    LostGirl
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    well, self-control is hard when biscuits are present.

    anonymuswere
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *waves over the brits with a bucket of popcorn for when the inevitable "you eat cans of biscut dough?" pops up from yank viewers*

    #32

    Tweet showcasing British humor about reckless driving with the caption "drives like we got extra lives."

    reyydrew Report

    Dawn Marie
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My X husband. He always thought it was his job to teach other drivers a lesson even at the expense of the kids and my life.

    longlivethequeen554
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep, everyday. My other half drives like a psychopath

    Paul C.
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My BIL, he seems to think speed limits are an optional extra!

    Nicola Mawson
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, and that was the first and last time

    Kylie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All.the.time. (It's me)

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me. Learned to drive at 37yrs old in USA. I now drive like a 16yr old nutcase who's late for a concert.

    LostGirl
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, defintely. Anyone who is driving and doesn't see a cop

    to old to care
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, any taxi cab driver in Las Vegas Nevada USA. Not Ubers - just the cab drivers.

    View more comments
    #33

    Tweet about a mother threatening to cancel a dog's party, showcasing British humor.

    British Tweets Report

    Bored Birgit
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Call animal protection, quick!

    Philly Bob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Doggo knows Mom is all bark and no bite.

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have said something similar to my cats, but it was threatening to withhold their weekly wet food treat.

    Mary Peace
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If she won't believe the dog doesn't understand, just tell her she's barking up the wrong tree.

    Chewie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh my lordy, that's so adorable 😍

    #34

    Tweet showcasing British humor with a funny plane conversation between a mother and a passenger.

    British Tweets Report

    Nizumi
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Being overly literal (meaning: this is a joke), I have to point out it depends on where your flight's heading. ;) If you're flying in to a major hub like Paris or Munich, you might be connecting to go somewhere else. But it you're on a Ryan Air heading for Malaga, then fair to laugh at your mum. :)

    arthbach
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nizumi, but even then, a person might be flying into Malaga, and then travelling on the Granada.

    Load More Replies...
    Maartje
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is awesome. Think about the implications if you suddenly see the passenger next to you rise up to heaven while you are going down to hell- fast.

    #35

    Tweet humorously highlighting British humor about property ladder struggles.

    Georgieeax Report

    Apatheist Account2
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We didn't have real ladders when I was growing up. I was brought up by my step-ladder.

    Rafael
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a dad, and this means I'm forced by law to give you an upvote.

    Load More Replies...
    Shannon Donnelly
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once you own a house, you won't have any money for anything either, because guaranteed something is always breaking.

    Heras buddy
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Property ladder? I'm still in the basement looking for a borrowed ladder.

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did not buy my first house until I was 36 years old, working in Emergency Services. I am still in that same house 17yrs later.

    #36

    Steven's tweet about British humor: "I never actually check what temperature to cook things, always just whack the oven on 200."

    stevehotspurs Report

    VikingAbroad
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thst is the way, isn't it? 😂

    Arenwy
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same with the iron and the microwave.

    Load More Replies...
    Libstak
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    180, the best is 180 not 200. I'll die on this hill

    sbj
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same here but at 180 as I don't want to go totally mad

    Joe Reaves
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always check. And then dig the packet out of the oven to check again because I've forgotten what it said between getting it out of the fridge and putting the oven on. And then again once the oven is heated up because I've forgotten how long to put it in for.

    Ace
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why does it have any other settings anyway?

    Kat Pekin
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me and my air fryer. Defaults are fine, I'll still eat it.

    View more comments
    #37

    Tweet showcasing British humor about aging and the usefulness of a Tesco club card, posted by Ste.

    _smg_96 Report

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But it is though - signed, a Tesco club card holder

    Robert T
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As are Nectar and Sparks cards. I saved £3.36 on milk alone this week!

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One day you are young and the next you are wondering, should I just have my groceries delivered from now on.

    Spannidandoolar
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does no one else just have all the loyalty cards?!

    Emma S
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nectar is a good one as well if you shop at Sainsbury's. My Ferrero Rocher was £4 cheaper.

    Makenzie McNeal
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honey I'm 17 and I still find membership clubs like Tesco and Sams Club handy.

    View more comments
    #38

    Tweet about Crocs being versatile footwear in various settings, exemplifying trademark British humor.

    British Tweets Report

    Robert Trebor
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have 4 pairs. My feet swell and recede like the tide. Crocs are the answer. Shies make my feet unhappy, and I want happy feet.

    Katchen
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hank Azaria as Agador in The Birdcage: “I cannot wears chews because they make me fall down.”

    Load More Replies...
    Panda McPandaface
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I will never succumb. They'll have to knock me out and force them on while I'm unconscious.

    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where do you keep them - in the bath? What do you feed them? Do you take them on a leash when you go to the grocery store? Answers needed.

    Not-a-Clue (she/her)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Am I the only Brit who thinks this one isn't British? We don't call them malls, they are shopping centres or retail parks.

    Leesa DeAndrea
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Perhaps they used mall because it is so much easier to type.

    Load More Replies...
    Pat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have wedding guest Crocs and even a pair for funerals.

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Though they are common wear for a lot of staff, at the Fire Station, after normal business hours, I refuse to own a pair. I had a pair of rubber slip on classic surf shoes, in black of course.

    George D
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is my 11 year old daughter. Even if it's freezing cold and wet, crocs. wtf.

    Leesa DeAndrea
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's because they are so comfortable and just slip on. But sturdy enough for almost anything.

    Gracie Mae
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    they help me when I my plantar fasciitis is acting up. my sons wear them around the house. very comfy, I think they get a bad rap just because they're not pretty

    View more comments
    #39

    Tweet displays British humor about removing gherkins from a cheeseburger and giving them to a friend who likes them.

    British Tweets Report

    Fat Harry (Oi / You)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are you joking? The gherkin is the best bit!

    les
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    guys, we found the wierdo in his friend group, lol

    Load More Replies...
    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Amen. I ask for a burger without the gherkin and I still get the damn thing on occasion. My wife likes them.

    Jossh Nine
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here?

    Shannon Donnelly
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ME!! Hand em over!! But only if they're dill, not those nasty sweet butter monstrosities yuck

    Panda McPandaface
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not sure if those have made their way to the UK.

    Load More Replies...
    Antony Aston
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would be that weirdo only I don't have any mates.

    Katie Allen
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I must be British without knowing it, I hate pickles

    Kira Okah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm the gherkin weirdo in the group, yes I get everyone's pile. Put them all on my burger because mine don't come with them, heaven.

    Jane Doe-Doe
    Community Member
    1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The weirdo in my family being my daughter 🤣

    View more comments
    #40

    Tweet showcasing British humor about the awkwardness of takeaway delivery.

    British Tweets Report

    Hannah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sometimes I hang a measuring tape around my neck and have a pencil behind my ear. That way they will know I was BUSY. My sewing machine broke around four months ago...

    Pandapoo
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wait on the front stairs to make sure they don’t miss my house. I have no shame.

    Lew k
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Door dash had an option to leave at door. Had it on since covid. I'm so into the zero interaction I watch them leave on the doorbell camera before I go grab my burrito.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did that last weekend because it was taking so long. Heard him pull up so was at the door before he had the chance to ring the bell.

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or walk your lazy as* out there and meet them halfway, do a little cardio to balance that fatty takeaway.

    #41

    Tweet about British humor with a relatable joke on the awkwardness of collecting a parcel from a neighbor's house.

    CallumTAndrews Report

    sbj
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And why when it's the other way around they don't appear awkward at all

    sdorph
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because you're never really sure it'll be in plain brown wrapping

    Nea
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All over the world!

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because you are hoping they do not say; " What parcel"? Because what then?

    Serena Myers
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't understand this one at all. We take in parcels for our neighbours quite often, and the delivery driver will put a note through their door and they will collect it when they are ready. Neighbours have done the same for us. Not even remotely awkward.

    Debby Keir
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and why, postie, did you deliver it to the neighbour's house and not MINE.

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only time it was uncomfortable was when a delivery of wine was dropped off at the neighbour opposite, who was a recovering alcoholic. I felt embarrassed, he didn't though.

    Danielle
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I took on a whole bike for my neighbour last week and he had the cheek to have me down as his 'safe place'! I work from home so he knows I'm always here.

    Pheebs
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m not sure I know more than 3 neighbor’s names, and I’m fairly confident I’m the weird cat lady/cave dweller of the street (even though I’m married, and only have 2 cats).

    View more comments
    #42

    Funny tweet showcasing British humor about Tesco naming.

    British Tweets Report

    Awkward lady
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...and the one down the road from me is chav Tesco. People turn up in their dressing gown

    Forrest Hobbs
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Last time I went to Sainsbury's, there was a lass there in her PJs. Truly, we are all doomed. Although a Waitrose opened up about 15 miles away recently, so maybe I can survive the apocalypse... (no I'm not going to translate for foreigners, so there)

    Load More Replies...
    Fat Harry (Oi / You)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, the answer is always Big Tesco. You got to check out the non-grocery section!

    Pheebs
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like the Walmart debate with my fam. Super Walmart and Walmart Neighborhood store are Wally World and Smallmart. I will not call them anything different.

    Phred
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes they are, and don't call me Shirley.

    Jane Doe-Doe
    Community Member
    1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They should definitely change the names to big Tesco and little Tesco

    Barbara Baxendale
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know it’s big Tesco & little Tesco 😂

    Kira Okah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Extra is Big Tesco, Express is Little Tesco.

    View more comments
    #43

    A tweet humorously depicts UK's changing weather, contrasting warm and snowy forecasts.

    British Tweets Report

    Serial pacifist
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now you have it within a single day

    Mike F
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Trade you, a week ago I was looking at my grass, today I'm looking at 7" of snow and an overnight low of about 15°f. It's supposed to rain this weekend.

    BrunoVI
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What, that's about 22 degrees F in a week, and you're complaining? We went from a high of 86 to a high of 29 in a week. In Oklahoma, it's normal for the temperature to drop 70 degrees in an hour (partly due to summer hail.)

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ancient Hägar the Horrible strip: (1) “Why do you like to invade England so much?” (2) “Because I love the weather. It’s so changeable.” (3) [Nothing visible but rain streaming down] (4) “That for example was summer.”

    Timbob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Amateurs ! Try Chicago !!!

    Shannon Donnelly
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kinda same in NJ at this point. Two days ago it was 61 F. Tonight it's dropping to 16 F. We had 40 days without rain in October and November and got nearly 6" of rain this week over a 3 day period. But no, global warming doesn't exist. (Neither do normal seasons, either! O.o)

    Kelly Hartle
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Here in Indiana, in the US, we say if you don't like the weather wait 5 minutes--it'll change.

    Winter
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nah! Ya got that wrong! That's Melbourne, Australia, and it's "Monday, 10 am: 15C❄ .... 04.30 pm: 45C ☀ The only place where you get all four seasons in one day! 😎

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    #44

    Tweet humorously showcasing British ingenuity with a clever trick for free delivery using returns.

    British Tweets Report

    Mari
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't like this waste

    Robert T
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't be bothered sending stuff back, but I have a few things I will add to an order just to get free delivery - pens, sticky tape etc.. I don't think I have ever paid for delivery if there was a free option.

    Verena
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't try that in the Netherlands. They will deduct the postage from your refund if your return gets the bill under the limit.

    Kelly Scott
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Here in the states, Amazon might just tell you to keep your return but refund you anyway.

    Debbie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nope often they'll deduct the postage then from the money you get back for the item. Read the return policy... some have started applying a 50 cents fee per returned item (no postage costs though).

    Maudelin
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A chronic scammer abusing the system. Not cool.

    Stuey Bassfish
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of the many reasons we can't have nice things.

    Steve H
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is actually a good idea

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    #45

    Tweet illustrating British humor about limited hotel breakfast hours.

    British Tweets Report

    Geoffrey Scott
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or, the flight leaves at 0700 and free breakfast is from 700-830

    Petra Peitsch
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you are nice, and asking not demanding,. speak with the guys at the reception.Usually you'll get a breakfast-bag, when you check out with sandwiches, fruits, sweets and some water or soda or juice.

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    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard.

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then there's the station hotel at St Pancras, which doesn't serve breakfast early enough for you to catch the Eurostar....

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had one that literally would not let you take your breakfast back to your room.

    Mike F
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Birds are not awake at 4:45.

    Maartje
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or the electricity turns off in the entire room when you turn off the light and your phone doesn't charge, you miss breakfast because your alarm doesn't go off and you have to get out of there fast because you are about to miss your flight-

    Hmmm hmmmm
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or 13:00-1:15 , never in between

    Ale Fab
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is this really an issue in the UK? .. in the US, I usually experience the opposite.

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh my husband would LOVE this. He's always like, they don't serve breakfast before 7.30, way too late.

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    #46

    Tweet showcasing British humor about landlords keeping deposits over minor issues.

    British Tweets Report

    Pittsburgh rare
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some people just don't pay the last month before moving because they know they're not getting the deposit back no matter how pristine the apartment is. Not saying you should do that but also not saying you shouldn't.

    keyboardtek
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We had one landlord try to keep the security deposit claiming the window curtains got threadbare because we opened the windows to let fresh air in. We took him to court demanding he prove that wind causes cloth to become thread bare. He was unable to do so and we got our deposit returned.

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    Libstak
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If it's at the point they are going deny your deposit for anything. Just leave and let them deal with the mess every time

    Angie May
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Rented a house, the landlord said he could replace the carpet in the bedrooms before I moved in if I didn't mind waiting a few more days. Told him not to bother, that the old, worn carpet was fine (I just put a rug down in each room). Fast forward to two years later when I moved out, he absolutely kept the entire deposit because "the carpets were worn and needed replacing". Right. Cool.

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    Norm Gilmore
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My sister is very (Monica from Friends) tidy. When she left her flat she mowed the lawns on the Sunday and was inspected on the Monday. They charged for a gardener to 'mow' the lawns because it was messy. Yeah right...

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Biggest lesson I learnt was to take move in and move out photos and report anything off right at the beginning so you don't get blamed when they don't fix it.

    Dusty's mom
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is so weird. In the U.S. we have to provide our own furnishings, sometimes even appliances, when renting. No way would I leave the sofa. The hell with the sock!

    CultOfBambi
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We (UK) have options - furnished, part-furnished and unfurnished, when it comes to rental properties.

    Load More Replies...
    Kira Okah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I got mine back! Well, I was a day away from taking him to court for the heckton of illegal shlt that he tried pulling when I got it back...

    Charlie the Cat
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mate has just left his rented flat. He left a birthday card on top of the fridge and a cobweb behind the washing machine . Lost £440 of his deposit for cleaning fee.

    Norm Gilmore
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow. And I bet the 'cleaning' was throwing the card in the bin and brushing the cobweb away...

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    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is another side to this - just saying. I have seen some really s****y tenants.

    Lew k
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah I own a rental and we've spent literally 3 months worth of weekends getting the place back in order after the last renters. They trashed the place. Absolutely filthy. 2 years worth of dog poo in the yard. A sea of weeds chest high in the back. New paint, sand and repaint all the doors and cabinets. A nightmare. Worst part, it was my brother and sister staying there and we didn't charge them for the last 9 months so they could save up to move. Never again. We're either selling it or making it a short term rental. This is the 2nd time we've had to redo the entire place after a long term renter.

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    Helena
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I assume they're keeping my deposit and then charging me extra.

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had some do that with me, so I just went to this old hardware store that had a barrel full of old/used door locks for cheap and bought door locks and automatic latching locks for the all the entrance and room doors and slide bolt locks for the windows. I installed them, right before I left and then gave them the keys that I was issued, but of course not the ones for the locks I installed, as I left the building. I also made sure to never leave my new address. The cost of them having to gain entry to the apartment and each room with a door, was worth the lost deposit.

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    #47

    Tweet expressing British humor about seeing one magpie and needing two for joy.

    British Tweets Report

    Cee Cee
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're OK so long as you acknowledge it. I always say morning/afternoon handsome maggers.

    Fat Harry (Oi / You)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My partner says "Good morning Mr Magpie. How's your wife today?"

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    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What happens if there are more than 7? Do you get a secret never to be told and then start again?

    Kathy Brooke
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Eight a wish Nine a kiss Ten a bird you must not miss.

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    Timbob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I live in the States. What the hell does this even mean ?

    Carbonel
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s an old rhyme. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_for_Sorrow_(nursery_rhyme)

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    frinny
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do "Morning Mr Magpie, hows the family?" my mate does it were you slap her hand if she sees one, mad the magpie thing

    Laura Deckers
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel that way about Sandhill Cranes.

    Brain-In-A-Vat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In my experience it's 'one for sorrow, two is double trouble . . .'

    Jenny
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We live in an area with lots of magpies. You have to salute a solo magpie to stop the sorrow.

    El Dee
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is SO weird. Up until a couple of years ago I'd never heard of this but now it seems to be everywhere??

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    #48

    Tweet highlighting British humor about being called "big man" by a kebab server.

    British Tweets Report

    Robert T
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's when people refer to you as "the old man" that it gets really depressing!

    Mike F
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Doesn't bother me anymore personally. I don't know why but I'm typically the oldest at work, etc. I take no offense to being referred to as "the old boy" or such. As long as it's good natured.

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    Paul C.
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My FIL, when about 87 went to the local burger bar, ordered and stood by the door waiting. He was a bit Mutton Jeff (deaf) and didn't hear them call his number. Eventually they said louder, it's for the old guy at the back. Which he heard, he immediately looked around for the old guy!🥲

    François Carré
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In France being called "chef" at the kebab is a widespread, historical tradition.

    René Sauer
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    he was trying to give you a hint: That you are there too much.

    Tiger Lilly
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No 😔 As a woman of 5'2 it's a struggle for the guy in the chippy to even see me over the counter!

    Katie Allen
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    when it gets depressing is when you get called "sir" and you're a woman

    #49

    Tweet showcasing British humor comparing customer service voice to Mary Poppins and Danny Dyer.

    charburfieldx Report

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Fukking problem sorted innit. Was I the best or what, ya muppet"

    anonymuswere
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    in the states that'd be Mary Poppins vs Fran Drescher

    ucp
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Give yer ed a wobble, you melt!

    Kirk Littlefield
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I may be ghetto but my customer service voice went Yale.

    David
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I actually hate that. I worked support for years and my customer service voice was my regular voice. I don't have to change it to sound like I'm treating people kindly / respectfully.

    Julie S
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Danny Dyer once called someone "tiger bread head" in EastEnders once and it still makes me laugh.

    Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero"
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My customer service/dealing with "challenging individuals" as a Fire Captain is Causton CID DCI John Barnaby vs dealing with "challenging people" on my off duty hours is more like NYPD Detective Lieutenant John McClane.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ghetto upbringing, Harvard PR is my life.

    ucp
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I went to university (England) 100 miles from home. Nobody could decipher my working class accent. So now I speak British RP. Can still call on my “proper” voice though.

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    Chewie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG. Love me some Danny🤤

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    #50

    Tweet showcasing British humor with a clever persuasion about sharing pizza costs on a train.

    JL542 Report

    Mohsie Supposie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Typical salesman technique! Only works if you are actually going to make that pizza last for a whole year!

    Steve Robert
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup. Learned that when selling encyclopedias one summer while going to school. Gave them a calendar bank where you put in a quarter and the date changes. At the end of the month just send us the quarters. See how affordable these books are?

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    Jac Carr
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always do this if I buy something expensive or have lost money on something

    General Anaesthesia
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    [pedant on] 3p a day, or £0.03 a day [pedant off]

    Rick Seiden
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For £0.03 you can buy 1 brussel sprout.

    #51

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Rachael green
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kookaburra sits in the old gum treee-eee, merry, merry king of the bush is he-eee........ Why was this even a song in my England school?! 😂

    Julie S
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or what we used to sing 🎶 Kookaburra sits on electric wire on my god his bums on fire. Ouch kookaburra ouch, kookaburra how your bum must hurt ha ha ha! 🎶

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    UKGrandad
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    🎶 Dance, then, wherever you may be, for I am the Lord of the dance, said he🎶 Or, as we little rebels sang, 🎶 I am the Lord of the dance settee🎶

    Steve H
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's Onward Christian Soldiers for me

    G R
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where have all the flowers gone??

    Sarah McManus
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Morning Has Broken" every damn day from the age of 4 through to 11 🫤

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    3 decades of singing "I'm a skyscraper wean..." (The Jeely Piece Song by Adam McNaughton), the Hokey Pokey, and Flee Fly Flo. They never leave your head, school assemblies drill this in better than math.

    Lunar Rat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When a Knight won his spurs in a story of old......

    Skip62
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now I sure enough have that song in my head. 🙄

    Hmmm hmmmm
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ONE MORE STEP ALONG THE WORLD WE GO

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    #52

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Queeqec
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That could be me. The grandpa

    frinny
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Merrill N. Munro
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That comment he made is a dry as toast, no beans!

    #53

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Verena
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Five weeks plus some extra days, all paid leave - there are emloyees on this planet silently weeping now.

    Angie May
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hi it's me I'm one of those employees ;_;

    Load More Replies...
    Josephine Blogs
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are there any Americans reading this and wishing they had 28 days vacation? 🤣

    Orange Panda
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I hit the 5 year mark at my current job, I will get 5 weeks. Super benefit!

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    Adrian
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Americans would love that...

    ZGutr
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    c'mon, there are 104 more ( those are not flexible though, must usually be taken on saterdays/sundays)

    Paul C.
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    104! You clearly don't work retail do you?

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    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1-hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work.

    Oskar vanZandt
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Fantastical mathematicals you're employing there...

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    Estelle
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most Americans still accept only 14 days as standard leave...insane, isn't it?

    Angie May
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    lol 14 days. Try 7 at a good chunk of jobs. I hate it here.

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    Geoffrey Scott
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pop on across the pond...lucky if you get 21 days.

    Fat Harry (Oi / You)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Could be worse... let's ask the Yanks what they get. Over to you, guy.

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least in the UK we got annual leave, here in USA I have no leave whatsoever, if I take any time off I just lose money. We are allotted 64 sick days per year, but you have to accrue 4.7hrs of sick leave per month as you work, so for the first 2 months of the year you have no sick days you're allowed to use, gotta wait until you've accrued 8hrs of sick leave so you can take a day off. God this place is hell.

    Jules
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Especially when your tight a**e employer takes back 7 of them for Bank Holidays.. 🤬

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    #54

    Funny-British-Tweets

    Serenxx2501 Report

    Mohsie Supposie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need £500K so I can buy a house without a mortgage! Is that really too much to ask?

    Robert T
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You'd need more than that round here!

    Load More Replies...
    Mike F
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    🎶Oh Lord, won't you buy me, a Mercedes-Benz?...🎶

    Just Cosmo
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, it would be nice for all of us, wouldn't it...

    #55

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    HOUSE
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Knock down ginger?

    Robert Millar
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We used to call it "knock down ginger".

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Incredibly this has its own Wikipedia page. We called it "Ding Dong Ditch" in the US. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knock,_knock,_ginger

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    Jane Doe-Doe
    Community Member
    1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never heard it called that before

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Knock door runaway" in Glasgow. My grandad was even more evil, used to get the old small trashcans, tilt them against someone's door, knock, runaway, when they opened the door the trash would spill all over their floor and doorstep. He was such an a-hole.

    El Dee
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why so many weird names for this??

    leendadll
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Ding dong, ditch it" in my area.

    Donnie Mc00
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tap door run from my childhood

    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I knew it a ring bell run.

    View more comments
    #56

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Pandemonium
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your football supporters have amazing voices. I'm always impressed with the call and response and creativity of the lyrics. Must be the school assemblies then.

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That and the chants about the referee’s eyesight, and how pleasures himself.

    Load More Replies...
    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That and the large Gaelic component of the population. Have you ever heard a Welsh miners' choir? A cappella at its best.

    See Also on Bored Panda
    #57

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Owen
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Definitely not just you. I have found the perfect flat, because it's next to a Tesco express. They have all my money now.

    Paul Doswell
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some Swedish relatives of mine were over in the UK on holiday and went to our local 24hr Tesco at 3am one day… just because they could 😂

    Sue User
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our stores never resumed 24 hour after COVID.

    Load More Replies...
    justagirl
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    7/11 at twelve a.m. everything is restocked, it's glorious. the employees probably hate me.

    Barbara Wilcock
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    24hr supermarkets were invented just for stoners munchies

    Steve H
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nah, I have amazon for that

    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never go when you have the munchies.

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just you but to be fair, I do that in my lunch break

    Robert T
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No. because the aisles are full of cages as they are restocking the shelves.

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    #58

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    Kalikima
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was in a line of cars doing that in the parent pick up line at my son's school.. the front of the line moved, and we just sat there (I couldn't see the front from where I was) until someone flagged the person directly behind the parked car. I can only imagine they were messing around on their phone and were just waiting for the car on front of them to move, without noticing it was empty, or that the rest of the line moved without it..

    ucp
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was waiting at a set of roadworks, by the “Wait here when red light shows” sign. I felt it was my civic duty to tell the young mum with a pushchair that it only related to the people in the road, not on the pavement!

    Max Robitzsch
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had my driver instructor legit shout at me to "go!" at an intersection. I was waiting, and waiting, and thinking he was referring to the guy in the other car on the other side, and feeling he was getting a bit angry at that fellow!

    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just don't do it on your test.

    Norm Gilmore
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have done similar when a car I was behind pulled over very close to the give way, and I followed thinking it was turning like I was... :-)

    #59

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Fat Harry (Oi / You)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I saw a man follow a woman through the grocery section of Tesco shouting "OH NOT BLOODY POK CHOI AGAIN! IT'S SO BLOODY BLAND!" and that is the most middle class thing I've ever seen in Tesco. I did once see a small child say "Mummy, can we get some Quinoa please?" but that was Waitrose, so expected.

    Blue Bunny of Happiness
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Apparently, my allergy to asparagus is the most middle class allergy… thanks Bro!

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    Nosirrow
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Last week I heard a man screaming like a spoiled toddler in a supermarket. At a woman, maybe his wife. 'No, we don't need this!' Will men ever learn not to shout needlessly in public? People have PTSD and a man screaming is a huge trigger.

    #60

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Cactuar Jon
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those bagels look well shifty

    Queeqec
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I prefer the ACAB - All Cats Are Beautiful. But yours is good too!

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    David
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe they are like undercover doughnuts. /j

    #61

    Funny-British-Tweets

    Charles_SEO Report

    VikingAbroad
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nah, that's a danish peison cell 😂

    Tobias Reaper
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i doubt it as the prison cell would probably be bigger and nicer

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    Serial pacifist
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can poop and rest you legs on the bed, or rest on the bed and pee in the toilet. So convenient.

    Hmmm hmmmm
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A room! Back in my day we had to pay 2100 for a wet cardboard box. And we had to share that between me while family

    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Moral - don't live in Central London. Move a bit out then you should be fine if you can afford that sort of rent.

    Jossh Nine
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your post reminds me of the scene in the movie "Snatch" when Dennis Farina is going back to New York and the customs guy asks, "Anything to declare?", and Farina says, "Yeah, don't go to London".

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    luci (he/fae)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    would've thought it was new york if the poster hadn't put the real location in the post

    Schmebulock
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does it cost more in London to have the neighbors watch you s**t?

    Hodmi
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So small that there isn't room enough to change your mind without bumping your elbows

    Kylie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No kitchen? Not even a microwave?

    Kira Okah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Probably shared. That it has an included private bathroom is amazing for that price - seen an above shop flat for 2 grand/month in London not central where the only bathroom was the shared public bathroom in the shop downstairs.

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    zims
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not a long-term place, just think of it as a hotel room while you make bank at your London job so you can buy a house at 30.

    Grenelda Thurber
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've seen this picture before, probably on Bored Panda. I think it's a dorm room.

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    #62

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be even more British, you have to tap your own head when saying it.

    Robert Trebor
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We in USA say "knock on wood". Obviously we are more violent.

    Fat Harry (Oi / You)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm surprised it's not something to do with shooting wood.

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    Deborah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not just in Britain, I'm in the US and always do that.

    Who am I, where am I
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Americans say "knock on wood" then knock on the head

    Aud (she/they)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I misread that as Torchwood. I need to stop watching Dr Who.

    #63

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Debby Keir
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had something similar - My first name is Meriel and a couple of years ago booked a flight and it autocorrected to Merkel.....However, they did change it at no cost.

    ZGutr
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If only he could walk the sky...

    Timbob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not the worst thing that can happen. Michael Hunt

    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Water under the bridge mate.

    #64

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Clearly not an NHS dentist if it's only 4 months.

    #65

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    justagirl
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    yes. and...does anyone else just think, "oh it's fine, i have time tomorrow!" and then scramble to do whatever you were supposed to do at 1 a.m?

    #66

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Matteic
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A washer AND doing dishes with a view? Score!

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm guessing this is not in central London. (See post #36.)

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No. Thinking of a kitchen like this is £950 in central London.

    Load More Replies...
    El Dee
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a Gen X I have seen MUCH MUCH worse..

    Timbob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How can a sink be installed in front of a window ? The pipes ?

    See Also on Bored Panda
    #67

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, pay day - the day you pay your bills and then work out what is left and what your daily budget is.

    #68

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    #69

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Kalikima
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Only a pound? Wow, they're $2.50 in Arizona..

    Der Kommissar
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love hash browns. What McDonald's calls "hash browns" are not hash browns. Damn, now I want some hash.

    #70

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    ZGutr
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just be glad it wasn't a tool you did not put back !!! ( which i'm sure you would not be allowed to touch in the first place )

    Rafael
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You speak of grave sins, please add a trigger warning in the future!

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    Darryl Martin
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I imagine that this is just the latest in a long list of things he put somewhere that someone moved without telling him that it had been moved. I find it incredibly frustrating too. Just let him know where you moved it to.

    Adrian
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    FFS you don't need an apostrophe for a plural!

    Adrian
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hilarious that the two posters here pointing out the grammatical error are getting downvoted. More evidence of the dumbing down of this site and society in general...

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    Timbob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    From your photo, you should be living on your own !

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    #71

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    British Tweets Report

    martin734
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your mum gives good advice.

    Fat Harry (Oi / You)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Post? Post where? When I was a child there was nowhere TO post, unless you felt like advertising your absence in the corner shop window or something.

    detective miller's hat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents still leave the radio on when they go on holiday despite the fact that nothing says NO ONE WILL BE HOME ALL WEEK like a constantly blaring radio in a dark house.

    LouLou
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or the curtains half open, half closed, morning and night 🤣

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    Michael Fernandez
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Several high profile American athletes have had their mansions burglarized during away games recently in the U.S. I never tell anyone other than the post office and my neighbors when I’m away.

    Kira Okah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is basic online safety...

    Rafael
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I realized I have no need to post anything personally identifiable online, ever. And to go beyond beating the same tired (but true) horse, I would like to add that not having to "defend" your real self online also removes a lot of stress from your life, and could potentially lead to less radicalization on the real world.

    #73

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Rachael green
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was 14 years old and I worked at a chippy for 2.75 per hour I got to go home with a bag of chips, a kebab and an arm full of burns. Still felt like a good deal 😂

    Mike F
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    80¢ an hour (1971) but we figured out that we could make a fake phone order right before closing and take a pizza home "rather than throw it out", our way to stick it to the man.

    Darryl Martin
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep I was paid 3.50 per hour at 16. Worse than that, when I was 11 I delivered newspapers Mon-Friday for £10 a week. It was essentially child labour but I thought I was rich.

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    15yrs old, school Mon-Fri, worked in a crepery stall saturday and sunday 9am-5pm, for 40quid for working the whole weekend which is 2.50 per hour, and my gran would take half every week. I was left with 20quid to cover my buspass, school lunches, sanitary products, clothing and any little treats for myself for the week. (At 14 grandma viewed you as an adult, no more pocket money/allowance, no buying you new clothes or personal items like deodorant, no xmas presents or birthday presents, do it all yourself plus pay half of any income to the head of the household so they can spend it on Mr. Kipling cakes. Abusive c*nt).

    Timbob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hurump ! I lived in a paper bag.

    ucp
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the early 90s, I earned £6.50 per week for a seven-day paper round. Minted

    Debby Keir
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the 60's I was paid 30/- for my Saturday job (£1.50)

    dancebunny
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In 1979 I got 50p an hour and I felt rich! 💷💵💷💶

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    £0.50 in 1979 is worth £3.17 today according to https://www.in2013dollars.com/UK-inflation

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    Hannah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    £3. 78 ph, Raking it in.

    Ace
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    50p a week on my paper round.

    Darryl Martin
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow. Forgive me for asking but how old are you? I only ask because if that was even 30 years ago it's shocking. Here I am feeling aggrieved with my tenner that you had to work 20 weeks for.

    Load More Replies...
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    #74

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    British Tweets Report

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Filling up on the nibbles is the British way

    James D
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing beats a "picky tea." And its now Picky tea season!!

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    Trillian
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you're old enough to tweet you're old enough to buy your own nibbly things

    arthbach
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When a child said that to me, they'd be pointed to the bread and cheese, and told to fill their belly.

    Mike F
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just heard Edina Monsoon talking about "nibbly things" in my head. 😂

    #75

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Rose the Cook
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do you still need a license to watch TV there?

    James D
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For BBC stuff you do, as they don't have adverts. We need to pay for shamed newsreaders monthly by direct debit.

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    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Raised in Scotland and lived there til I was 25, had my own apartment at 16. 9yrs i NEVER paid for the TV license. Once I had the TV license guy come to my door (the days before streaming apps through the TV), I brought him in, showed him my TV with my DVD player, asked if he saw a Skybox/any kind of broadcasting input, he said no, I told him he can't charge me for the license when I have no ability to receive any broadcasts. He agreed, I walked him outside, then retrieved my Skybox from the closet and plugged everything back in. Don't pay for the garbage, challenge everything and find ways around it like learning how to livestream on your computer and cast it to your TV.

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    #76

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    ZGutr
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd say no to getting McD anytime

    Menno
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had not been there in ages and recently, after a long working day, I caved. It was such a disappointment: almost triple the price for half the food and appalling quality. Don’t understand how McD still has customers at all: any local snackbar will give you a so much better deal..

    Load More Replies...
    Meyrin
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like your bf, if you don't want him can I take him

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve been to Nando’s twice this week. Once with a friend and last night my son decided out of the blue that he wanted to go to Nando’s. It’s time to teach him “cheeky Nando’s”

    Verena
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Might it be that you complain about "food is expensive"?

    See Also on Bored Panda
    #77

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Traveling Lady Railfan
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Waves arm ...here too! I'll take the money now thanks

    Kira Okah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Okay, pass it here. Never have I ever.

    roddy
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now I feel bad. 74 and nobody has ever bought me birthday balloons with numbers.

    whineygingercat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is this per girl or per birthday? Cause I'm 44 and have never had number balloons. So, I'll be asking for cash for my $4,400

    View more comments
    #78

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Kira Okah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cottage in the UK is way nicer

    Jac Carr
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Someone would have to pay me to go to Dubai and even then, I'd refuse

    ucp
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Supply and demand. No one in their right mind would holiday in Dubai

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol, you're comparing Apples to a pile of sh*te.

    justagirl
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well that's cause dubai is really desperate.

    Awkward lady
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even worse if you're staying in London.

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Having been to Dubai, I’ll take the cottage.

    Timbob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And that’s not even considering your immigration situation !

    #79

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    InfamousBerry34
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why do they look like chocolate pringles

    Kira Okah
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because they are essentially that, pringle shaped chocolate.

    Load More Replies...
    Debby Keir
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aldi and Lidl do pretty good dupes.

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They look like chocolate Pringles.

    Kylie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never had those but they look like something where I'd eat the whole pack.

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...and not stop until I reached a dozen.

    Load More Replies...
    Kim Charles
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So good... they just hit different

    #80

    Funny-British-Tweets

    lewisa95 Report

    #81

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    James016
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did you ever notice on gameshows like Bullseye than if the contestants won the big prize it was some home appliance like a new fridge but if they lost, the show wheeled out a speedboat saying that this is what they would have won.

    Ace
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The speedboat, or sometimes caravan, as the star prize always baffled me. Was always like: live in a grotty terraced house somewhere in the industrial north of England, WTF am I going to do with a speedboat?

    Load More Replies...
    greenideas
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would be me, because I don't actually believe I won unless I see the money in my account.

    #82

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Amy Smith
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or every pic has some sort of Snapchat filter on it

    #83

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Rachel Parker
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never. It goes, like this: - I’m a kid and I partly believe this stuff and partly it’s fun. Adult, I’m busy I can’t think about changing my habits. Middle Age, I’m tired and I hate everybody and saying hello to a magpie is one c***k in the misery. Old, I don’t give a s**t, I’ll say hello to whoever I blinking want.

    Rachel Parker
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow, they made the word c-hin-k worse. It’s a word for ‘gap’ not a slur.

    Load More Replies...
    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I take it you don't walk under ladders and have an antipathy to black cats.

    frinny
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i will never walk over 3 drains! EVER! do the young 'uns these days know about this? i feel old

    #84

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Ashley Backman
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I really like your name for some reason. Idk it's just really cool to me.

    Load More Replies...
    #85

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Kim Charles
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Magic stars! I always stock up when imitating England... we need them in Australia

    Kylie
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OOh. Your packaging is way better than ours (and I've never seen the stars or rolls). US junk food is so boring.

    Fat Harry (Oi / You)
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm fairly sure that Milky Way is a different bar in the US to UK. I think what you call a Milky Way we call a Mars Bar, and what we call a Milky Way, you call a 3 Musketeers.

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    Bean Driller
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OOOOOHHH, what are these UK delights???

    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OK, name 3 famous Mickeys. Well there's Mickey Mouse, Mickey Rourke, and, ummmm Mickey Way

    #86

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    See Also on Bored Panda
    #87

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Shesa
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had to google it. It's a kind of jacket...

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    Timbob
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What language is this ?

    Orange Panda
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where are they finding cheap holidays?

    #88

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Content Wombat
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But, I only like Ready Salted. All the other flavours aren't very tasty.

    Kira Okah
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My actual favourite crisps are paprika, but not everywhere puts them on a meal deal, and I don't like cheese and onion or salt and vinegar, yu give me no choice!

    Adrian
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are there still crisps that aren't salted?

    Apatheist Account2
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There were, and the name has just stuck. I don't think one can get the "salt 'n' shake" type any more.

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    James D
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This week ,we had an ice breaker in a meeting, and someone said their favourite crisp was ready salted! Didnt listen to a single word they said after that point!

    Ace
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was not a real person, just an AI bot of some sort.

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    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Remember when you had to salt your own crisps with the little blue packet?

    Julie S
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Salt and vinegar for the win.

    Jane Doe-Doe
    Community Member
    1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I only like ready salted and beef & onion

    Nosirrow
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Salted crisps are healthier than other flavours. Fewer ingredients.

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    #89

    Funny-British-Tweets

    British Tweets Report

    Darryl Martin
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a quiz show that ends with two contestants having to choose whether to split the prize with the other contestant or to steal it all for themselves. If both choose to split, they split it. If both choose to steal they both get nothing. If one chooses to split and the other chooses to steal, the person who chooses to steal gets everything. It was honestly brutal.

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So essentially quiz-gamified "Prisoner's Dilemma". https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner%27s_dilemma

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    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Then definitely I am no more, have ceased to be, am bereft of life, rest in peace, and am an ex-panda. (No, I'm not pining for the fjords!)

    Seán Baron
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It was called Goldenballs and it was hosted by Jasper Carrott.