Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
When you’ve been dating someone for months, years or even decades, you become extremely in-tune with their behavior. If they’re having an off day, you’ll notice immediately. If they’re excited about something, they won’t be able to keep it a secret. And if they’re cheating on you, well, you might be able to pick up on that too.
Redditors have recently been discussing the first signs that people tend to notice when their partner is being unfaithful, so we’ve gathered their most accurate replies down below. From picking fights out of nowhere to suddenly needing to work overtime, these behaviors aren’t exactly proof, but they should raise some red flags. So be sure to upvote the things that you think everyone should be aware of in their relationships!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When the peace feels different.
Not the arguments - those come and go. It's when the silence between you changes. They stop asking small questions, stop sharing pointless details, stop existing *with* you and start existing *next* to you.
You can feel the distance before you ever find the proof.
RELATED:
#2
They start accusing you of cheating. People usually project their fears onto other people.
#3
Picking fights so they have an excuse to storm off and be somewhere for a while.
Michael Largey 1 month ago
And the issues in the fights (valid or not) may be the reason (or excuse) for cheating.
#4
Trust me when I say sometimes there is no sign, at all.
#6
A few would be suddenly dressing new and getting much mkre concerned about appearance. More than normal. Ultra secretive with their phone. My ex would stand outside the front door and delete messages before coming in. I was just looking through the peephole to time a surprise. After that I looked more often and every day she would stand there and delete messages. Good night measages also when we were in bed.
Then you get this feeling like they pick fights just to have an excuse to break up. The tone of the fights just seem different. Like they become bullies.
Then there is the night out with the friends. If I did get invited id always say I wouldnt go. Once I said id go and then the night out somehow got canceled. Didnt take a genius to figure it out.
#7
Distance. Always distance. Emotionally, physically you can tell. It starts off with small things and then turns into complete disdain for you, when from your perspective, everything is going fine in the relationship. Always be cautious when they create distance out of nowhere.
Kristin 1 month ago
Mine was very unintentional. Im 37 going through menopause (full hysterectomy at 21) my husband of 15 years was sure I was cheating because of my distance and lack of s*x or intimacy. I was experiencing symtoms that were very foreign. No i never cheated but because of my symtoms it was giving the vibe of cheating 🤷♀️🤷♀️
#8
Being irritated with you about everything.
Your very existence starts irritating them.
Jay Scales 1 month ago
Yes, their focus has shifted and they don't want to bother with you any more.
#9
The times my wife was cheating she would start to get mean and resentful towards me. There was always a component of her and her affair partners demonizing me.
Kristy Marion 1 month ago
Times? Partners? Plural?? And no ex infront of the word wife??? Geez, unless you're in an ethically non monogamous relationship then GTFO after the first time being disrepected
#10
They start being distant, smile at their phone while texting someone without saying who, rarely call or text, or stop making plans.
#11
Change in behavior, going or staying out later than usual, Distancing themselves from me. The last straw for me is when they came back from grocery shopping, no groceries since “the lines were too long” and their hair was messy.
Laserleader 1 month ago
D**n. I know a guy who was cheating on his wife who just gave birth to their 4th child. He would say he was going to the store for milk and stop at his girlfriend place. She never noticed he was freshly showered when he got home.
#12
Suddenly acting like they hate you.
Alexia 1 month ago
Yeah. Everything you do is wrong, bad and stupid. The house has a bad smell, their shirt is not well-ironed, their coffee is too hot or too cold, the child is naughty and makes a lot of noise and so on. Once the cheating partner moves away and just visits from time to time... things go back to normal: no bad smell, no complaints re. coffee or the child etc. 😄
#13
After an argument she leaves the apartment and returns two hours later in a much better mood and goes straight to the shower.
#14
My ex was turning his phone screen away, went out at night with vague excuses, came home with his vest pockets full of condoms (we didn’t use them) and had some lame excuse about it. Well he was cheating and she even moved in just 2 weeks after break up. He works in law now and makes a lot of money. Doesn’t surprise me, dude has no moral.
#15
Overly protective of their phone.
nottheactualphoto 1 month ago
What's this with couples wanting to rummage through each other's phones? It seems like a sign of distrust.
#16
They accuse you of it.
PandaPadi 1 month ago (edited)
This is making me a bit self conscious about my behaviour with my partner. I dont accuse him of cheating, but a few times he did things that can imply he is talking or seeing other people, and I called him out on it so he said I am projecting and Im the one who is actually doing this. Things like throwing away a whole box of condoms by accident (without me knowing until I asked), deleting messages of his ex when I saw the notifications on his phone, making jokes which seemed a bit too familiar/sexual with other women. Im 90% sure he wasnt actually cheating but 10% of me always think "what if Im wrong?". And this has created some kind of insecurity, its not present all the time, but sometimes it does come back. And he says Im projecting because I must be the one cheating. Im only telling him these things because I never had an explanation or closure on these past events.
#18
The biggest sign is your intuition — that quiet feeling that something just isn’t right. When your gut starts ringing alarm bells, don’t ignore it. That’s your first clue.
Cheating partners always have patterns, but they look different for everyone. Some might suddenly start doing more of something — being extra nice, dressing up, staying late at work — while others start doing less — showing less affection, less interest, less time together. Regardless of the details, your intuition will always be the number one sign that something’s off.
#19
If it's a female , then sudden changes in grooming, in case of my wife , shaving frequently.
Kristin 1 month ago
I shave everyday lol even my legs. Even in winter. I cant stand the feeling of hair especially rubbing against my jeans or leggings. That's just me though haha
setsuriseikou 1 month ago
And I hate the feeling of freshly shaved legs rubbing against anything. So I guess the point is "sudden changes".
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
Depends on the razor - mine can shave at a 90 degree angles, so I sometimes hold it like that. That said, I also have hypermobile joints.
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago (edited)
I am sporting a lot of leg hair. If I was to suddenly start shaving frequently, there might be questions...
Load More Replies... #20
My ex fiancé, 10 years together.
Spent the morning together watching our daughter at sports day.
30 minutes after leaving, she went to another man’s house, slept with him and carried on like normal.
No signs.
#22
All of the sudden they have a “new friend” they want to show you and do things with all together…..
Yes sociopaths suck.
Ellinor she/they/elle 1 month ago
Is it really a sign of cheating ? I'm honestly asking, when I meet someone I find interesting and cool I'm usually so happy I can't stop thinking about seeing them again but I didn't knew it could be perceived as that.
#23
More secretive. Less attention to you. Reduced interest in intimacy. Turns away when you try to kiss, or touch. Spending time texting, hiding the screen when you approach. Unaccounted for time away. Paying much more attention to their looks, and more primping, but not for time with you. If you do not share dwellings, their place is devoid of pictures of you, any indication that you exist.
#25
Suddenly caring about the appearance of their teeth. Invisalign, veneers, etc. My friend is the town dentist and always knows.
#26
Okay so one common thing I’ve noticed with my past experiences
Either they start love bombing and being more romantic (out of guilt)
Or they start distancing, being short fused, or start projecting.
I’m not saying all sweet ppl are cheaters I’m saying you know how your spouse usually is, even when they’re being sweet but you can tell when it’s a sweet moment out of love or guilt, you’ll just know.
Nichole Harris 1 month ago
My ex made so much extra effort when he cheated I almost wished he'd do it all the time
#27
Seeing “new text from *ex*” show up on the dash and they flinch and try to cancel it out as fast as possible. Never believe they are “just friends only” with their ex.
#28
They stop trying. Completely. He was shut off, in his phone 24/7, worked “all this overtime” but also hid from me he had stopped paying rent entirely. Let it be a secret until he got us evicted. Gave me 3 weeks to pack up 8 years of my life with no help, no remorse, no anything, he sat there and watched me lose it, and then dropped me and my two daughters like we never mattered. Now he’s got a girlfriend 15 years younger. That doesn’t scream narcissist. Not at all. And he probably tells her I keep our daughter from him too. Knowing d**n well he hasn’t even text his own child in over a month now.
#30
When you get that gut feeling many time's I have ignored it and then been proved my initial gut feeling was spot on, trust your body.
#31
For me is was an emotional distance forming followed by a severe defensiveness when I gently probed.
For example, I suspected she had feelings for her previous BF and when I talked to her she blew up at me. She was in a competitive graduate school program and what struck me as weird is she would go back home at times that didn't match her school breaks, so she was missing easily +2 weeks or so each semester and that was keeping her back in her program. I realized she was cheating on me when I looked at the school schedule of her Ex and realized she was planning her trips home around _his_ schedule, not hers.
#32
They ask you if you are cheating when you haven't even thought of it.
Projection can be hard to control for the guilty.
#34
Secretive with their phones and they have places they need to go, usually to do with work, that you can’t go to. A sudden interest in their own appearance and looking better.
#39
They randomly start criticizing you for everything, stuff you wouldn't even think of. It's exhausting.
Brandie Litchfield 1 month ago
Honestly, that's why I don't date at all. It never fails that it gets to the point where every move I make becomes criticized. Like I get sick of feeling like I'm in trouble, when I'm a responsible grownass adult. I don't want to feel like I'm in trouble all the time, yet I tend to attract narcissists, so I'd rather just not even bother and concentrate on me and my child....being my own best partner feels far better than allowing another person to get close enough to just hurt me anyways. When you've allowed yourself to be vulnerable and grow and then it all gets turned around on you and nothing you can do is good enough anymore, why bother at all? The first few months are usually good, but you really can't know who someone is until the warranty wears off after that first year--then you see who you're really in a relationship with. I'd rather just save those years and not let anyone close enough to hurt me, or my kids. I'd rather just be alone &enjoy our peace
#41
They treat you as less than human.
There’s a whole dehumanisation process that happens long before the cheating.
#43
Protective of their phone, picking fights with you accusing YOU of cheating honeslty you feel it in your gut and soul I was having severe anxiety out of no where couldn’t figure it out and something just felt off every time I was around him.
#44
They start acting differently. Nicer, meaner, more distant, whatever. Vibe change.
Little Bit 1 month ago
I'm currently going through the menopause. I'm a different person every day.
#45
One big thing: GASLIGHTING. 1) They try to accuse you of cheating/being interested in other people. 2). When you’re hanging out with friends they are constantly asking questions like “what’re you doing?” “who’s there?” and if you don’t respond quick enough for them they get suspicious.
#46
Sudden obsession with a band/music that is way outside the boundaries of their usual taste. ie a punk girl demanding Mumford and sons. Or a hozier die hard getting her swiftie card.
#48
I think the first thing you will notice is phone usage and phone protectiveness. People who don’t cheat are not scared to leave their phone lying about whilst they shower etc.
#50
Getting weird about their phone.
Mine is always available. My gf can grab it and make a call, check the weather, whatever
When people start getting weird about their phone there’s something going on .
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Ace 1 month ago
A lot of these are things that can happen in relationships with or without cheating, or as a precursor or a result thereof. Over >30 years my late wife and I had a few periods where things like not being intimate, not being close, feeling resentful, etc. were evidence of strains, but neither of us were ever involved in affairs. So some of these things may be good as early-warning signals, get your relationship fixed, sorta thing, but should not immediately be interpreted as signs of cheating.
Livingwithcfs 1 month ago
I realize all these people found out their partners were found to be cheating, but some of them sound like they may be part of the problem since they say ex's
Ace 1 month ago
Relationship break-ups are very rarely 100% one-sided, so yeah, of course they're a part of the problem. While in no way justifying anybody cheating, in most cases people will only do so if there is something lacking in, or already going wrong with, their existing relationship.
Load More Replies... Tyke 1 month ago
I just don't know how people do it. I could never cheat on my husband, I feel guilty hiding chocolate from him, let alone an affair.
Malamutes 1 month ago
Getting ready to wash a load of jeans. I only had 3 pairs that needed to go, so I grabbed hers to toss in as well. Was going through her pockets (don't wanna wash any money or anything) and find a man's titanium and diamond wedding band. Hmmm. MY wedding ring is black carbide, no stones. So that was a pretty good tip-off that something wasn't quite right...
Brandie Litchfield 1 month ago (edited)
Emotional affairs occur long before physical affairs do. Someone will go through the motions long before they actually have s*x with another person. Hopefully you can catch them before the physical affair occurs. Please trust your gut and stop being a ppl pleaser and a door mat!! Too many of us were forced into ppl pleasing roles as children& then don't know how to defend our own boundaries as adults!!
Ace 1 month ago
A lot of these are things that can happen in relationships with or without cheating, or as a precursor or a result thereof. Over >30 years my late wife and I had a few periods where things like not being intimate, not being close, feeling resentful, etc. were evidence of strains, but neither of us were ever involved in affairs. So some of these things may be good as early-warning signals, get your relationship fixed, sorta thing, but should not immediately be interpreted as signs of cheating.
Livingwithcfs 1 month ago
I realize all these people found out their partners were found to be cheating, but some of them sound like they may be part of the problem since they say ex's
Ace 1 month ago
Relationship break-ups are very rarely 100% one-sided, so yeah, of course they're a part of the problem. While in no way justifying anybody cheating, in most cases people will only do so if there is something lacking in, or already going wrong with, their existing relationship.
Load More Replies... Tyke 1 month ago
I just don't know how people do it. I could never cheat on my husband, I feel guilty hiding chocolate from him, let alone an affair.
Malamutes 1 month ago
Getting ready to wash a load of jeans. I only had 3 pairs that needed to go, so I grabbed hers to toss in as well. Was going through her pockets (don't wanna wash any money or anything) and find a man's titanium and diamond wedding band. Hmmm. MY wedding ring is black carbide, no stones. So that was a pretty good tip-off that something wasn't quite right...
Brandie Litchfield 1 month ago (edited)
Emotional affairs occur long before physical affairs do. Someone will go through the motions long before they actually have s*x with another person. Hopefully you can catch them before the physical affair occurs. Please trust your gut and stop being a ppl pleaser and a door mat!! Too many of us were forced into ppl pleasing roles as children& then don't know how to defend our own boundaries as adults!!
You May Like "Just Walking Away From 16 Years, 4 Kids And Our Life Together": Woman's World Crumbles Over 1 Letter Woman Is Berated For "Disgusting Reaction" Because She Doesn't Support The Woman Husband Cheated With “Ready For Some Family Drama? AITA For Telling My Cousin The Truth About Her Husband?”
Gabija Palšytė
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Gabija Palšytė
Related on Bored Panda
