Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Criminologists have long known that intelligence is a trait rarely found in criminals. This is good news for law enforcement, as lower levels of intellect mean they often leave their trails uncovered, making them easier to catch. Sometimes they even fall straight into police officers’ hands—that’s how idiotic some criminals can be. We know this can be hard to believe, with the media glamorizing offenders and their almost-perfect crimes, so we compiled a list of stories from police officers about the slowest criminals they’ve encountered to prove our point. Scroll down to find them below, and don’t forget to upvote those offenders who would really benefit from a career change.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Not a cop or criminal, but we had a guy break into my high school with his buddy and smash a bunch of soda machines. We had cameras all over the school but these guys were smart.
they said “nah we’re gonna cover up our faces so they don’t know who did it” and then wore letterman jackets with their names on the back.
RELATED:
#2
Old roommate was/is a cop.
He came home to tell me an ATM was robbed (after hours) for $15,240.
The next day the man who robbed the ATM deposited $15,240 into his personal account at the bank he robbed the night prior.
#3
So I get a call of a beer run (shoplifting) from the local CVS. I check the area and see 2 guys matching the description. I detain them and sure enough they had a couple Coronas and some off brand whiskey. I confirm with CVS they were the suspects, the alcohol was their property, and they are desirous of prosecution. All is good, my state requires I take them to the station to book into jail and get fingerprinted, then they are issued a citation and released with a court date a couple months out.
While driving to the station I ask what they were doing stealing the alcohol. One guy says that they are only 20 and since they weren’t old enough to buy it, they just decided to steal it instead. No big deal, young people make stupid mistakes. I get to the jail, book them in and start filling out the citation. The citation requires both birthdate and age. I do the math on the birthday, and sure enough the guy is 21. Meaning he is old enough to buy alcohol. I go back into the jail and verify his birthday. Yup, same one he had listed on his drivers license. I re-do the math out loud. 21 years old. I ask “how old are you again?” He replies “20 sir.” I said “you turned 21 last month.” Again he is adamant “no I turned 20.” I just left it at that...
Tldr; Guy stole beer because he forgot his age and thought he wasn’t old enough to buy it. Went to jail because of it.
Riley Quinn 2 months ago
The sad reality is that stupidity is the main cause of winding up in jail.
Even though criminals have lower intellect than the population’s average, most reported offenses still remain unsolved. Despite us also having the most advanced technology to catch offenders, the clearance rate of crimes is at its lowest since at least 1993, the FBI data shows.
Many factors are contributing to this. Perhaps some of the most significant are associated with law enforcement staff. Lack of funding, decreased morale, and lack of community support are all negatively impacting the work of police officers, which hinders their effectiveness.
#4
Not a cop but my Uncle got done for armed robbery.
Cops- we know it was you we found your fingerprints on the shotgun.
Uncle - impossible, I was wearing gloves.
He got 8 years.
#5
So I'm sitting in the station, doing paperwork. I'm looking out of the window, and a few yards away is a bus stop. A young lad is smashing the glass of the bus stop, as a way of showing off to a couple of girls. So I sigh, walk about 20 yards over to him and arrest him.
Another time, a lad had just broken into a pharmacy and stolen some d***s. Sleeping tablets, which he started taking (maybe to hide the evidence - who knows how these people's minds work). There's a foot chase, which gets slower, and slower, and slower... I ended up just walking slowly behind him. The guy fell asleep while I was booking him in.
Panda Bear 2 months ago
Some people will take anything that looks like a pill thinking it will get them high. It’s really stupid and dangerous
#6
Took a vehicle burglary report where the victim found a drivers license sitting on her driver seat that the suspect must have left behind. Seems damning, but if he had any criminal smarts he would just say his license was stolen and the thief must have dropped it while breaking into this new victim’s vehicle. Without any other evidence, the case would have gone nowhere.
The next day I take a report at a church that was a couple of blocks away from the vehicle burglary. This guy stole the video cameras from the building. He must have thought the footage came with the camera, because when we checked the video, there was a High Def close-up of the suspects face as he removed the camera. Good evidence, sure, but I still didn’t know who the guy was... until I looked at the license I collected the day prior and saw it was the same exact guy.
Another aspect that interferes with investigations is the burden of proof. “Back in the day we would stand up in court and say ‘I saw them do it,’” an officer admitted. Now the police are expected to find three types of evidence. If there isn’t CCTV, DNA, and phone forensics, judges and juries are unsatisfied and can even become suspicious.
Many modern investigations can involve up to 20 kinds of evidence. The bureaucratism that comes with it ties up police officers so badly that they have little time to solve even the most straightforward crimes.
#7
I’m a 911 Dispatcher; in Florida. Sometimes confused or drunk people knock on the wrong door or try to get into a house thinking it’s theirs, but it isn’t. It’s an honest mistake. But the homeowner is rightfully very afraid thinking they are about to be robbed or worse.
Well I had this kid, must’ve been in his early 20s call me going absolutely crazy that someone is trying to k**l him and take his property. I send units code 3 to this guy thinking it’s a burglary in progress.
Turns out the guy ordered a pizza and forgot about it. Scared the delivery guy half to death.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 2 months ago
Was the kid partaking of jazz cabbage? That can make you forgetful.
#8
My dad is a cop, and I remember that he called me one night and said that he wanted to tell me how glad he was that I’m not as stupid as the guy he arrested that night. An idiot high schooler was caught stealing alcohol after his fake ID was rejected. His fake ID said he was born in 2001, three years younger than he actually was. Poor guy couldn’t work out why his ID didn’t work. My dad recommended that he pay better attention in math class.
#9
Not a cop but I've got a story. I already posted it to /r/storiesaboutkevin so if you've seen it before, that's where.
A little over a month ago my apartment was broken into whilst my Boyfriend was still inside. He works nights so at midday he's still fast asleep and didn't notice this guy come in and rummage around until he throws the bedroom door open, panics at seeing my BF, and runs off.
My BF looks around the apartment and find that the laptops, tablets etc are still there and he must hae run off before getting to all that, but a handful of smaller valuables such as USB's, keys, Wallets were gone. He also did a fair amount of damage rummaging around and spray-painting our walls. Also ate our biscuits.
What WAS there however, were the idiots bags.
He'd left his school rucksack containing some schoolwork, some of our possessions, his ID, some years old school papers with his parents phone numbers on it etc...
So already he's an idiot, we know who he is. The police are having a laugh with us a little later about it, and as one of them takes my BF's statement, we hear a knock at the door. I go to answer it as a friend said he was coming over anyway and I find the same guy from the ID outside my door.
He looks at me, then at the police officer behind me (still holding the bags) and asks:
"Can I have my bags back please?"
After a stunned moment, he's grabbed by the police officer and my BF confirms that this is the guy. He's arrested on the spot.
The police said it was the dumbest thing they'd ever seen, like something out of a sit-com. It made local news.
Nils Skirnir 2 months ago (edited)
The highest property and violent crime rates are among what are called ‘low normal’ intelligence folks (80-95 iq). Folks less intelligent than that don’t commit many crimes. People with higher intelligence tend to commit things like financial crimes and cause wars.
The good news is that property-related theft has significantly reduced due to security systems that people are implementing in their homes. And that the most frequently solved crime tends to be homicide.
Other positive trends that we can see in this area are victims’ willingness to report crimes like sexual offenses and domestic abuse, which shows a societal shift towards greater justice and accountability, and can help significantly reduce various offense rates.
#10
I enforce municipal by law. I was once writing a ticket for a blatant fire route violation. Blocking emergency access to a large building, within 10m of a fire safety system . Anyway the guy said hey are you a cop? I said no in writing a ticket for this fire route violation. So the guy said oh ok good I have a warrant out for my arrest and I thought it was about that. So I said nope just giving you a fire route ticket. Then I phoned the police lol.
Riley Quinn 2 months ago
I'll never, ever understand what goes through the minds of criminals drawing attention to themselves by breaking municipal laws. Illegal substances or weapons in the car or warrant for a crime? Speed, run a red light, block an emergency route.
#11
From the local newspaper....
Two young men in a pick up truck on a back road stopped a courting Amish couple in a buggy, and told the couple to give them all of their money.
Spoiler - the Amish don't generally have money.
They do have good memories, though, and told the cops the license plate number.
The inept criminals were locals, too, and should have known better than to try and rob the Amish.
#12
Not me but my buddy is a cop and told me about this one kid in particular he dealt with for years. No cleverness to him, numerous times he walked into his neighbors garage in broad daylight and just stole his bike. Constantly stole from stores in plain view, even the occasional minor a*****t or burglary . He always got caught. Like had never gotten away with any of his hundreds of crimes but because he was a minor there were never any real repercussions. A few days before he turned 18 my friend and another officer went to his house to basically remind him that if he does anything after that he will face real punishment as an adult and he’ll get zero breaks. Like a last ditch effort to be helpful. Two days after his 18th birthday he’s caught committing an armed robbery. Pretty sure he’s doing a few decades behind bars.
#13
Everyday I see a big black SUV with Sheriff written on the side parked in the driveway across the street, I don't know if the guy *is* the sheriff or works for the sheriff but one night I wake up to a dozen sirens outside. Turns out some idiot tried breaking into sheriff dudes house while he was home and his vehicle was right freaking there.
#14
My dad is a cop and he was interrogating a robber which was denying he had any involvement since the start.
Dad: "The Man told us that you robbed him of $500!"
Robber: "No it was only $300!"
He basically gave himself away.
Drop Bear from Hell 2 months ago
Reminds me of the Judge Judy episode where a woman was suing a guy for stealing her bag. The guy denied all knowledge of the theft. JJ had her list the contents of the bag and when she states "$500 in cash" the guy interjects and says "you're lying, there was no cash in that bag...."....case closed.
#15
Not a cop, but worked at a 7-Eleven in a rough part of Chicago. Had two guys come in and ask for 2 bottles of Grey Goose. I asked for their ID’s, they handed them over, and I grabbed the two bottles from behind the counter to ring them up. They proceeded to grab the bottles and book it out of there, leaving their ID’s on the counter. I called the police, they came in asking for a description of the thieves and I handed them the ID’s. Cops were in disbelief at the stupidity, left and went to the address on one of the ID’s that was about 2 blocks away. About 15 minutes later they walked in with the two guys and bottles of Grey Goose (poor guys didn’t even have a chance to open them). I confirmed it was them, didn’t press charges, took the bottles of Grey Goose back and went on with my overnight shift.
#16
She called us to get her keys she locked inside her car.
Opened the door and instantly smelt w**d. Unregistered handgun was in the side panel of the door and she had a warrant out for her arrest.
#17
Not a cop; but a security guard at a large casino.
This woman flags me down and tells me she left 3,000 dollars in a machine, and went to the bathroom. Someone took the ticket, and cashed out. After some investigating, we find that there were three guys, but one dude, in a super obnoxious CA Flag shirt with a matching CA flag hat kept all the money. We put out a BOLO on the guy; hoping maybe we’d find him based on his face and physical descriptors.
The next day, I clock in, and start walking around. I’m cruising through a slot section, and I’ll be damned, this dude is sitting there in the exact same outfit, with exactly 2k in his pocket and 1k in the machine. I couldn’t believe it. Called for backup, detained the guy, the police came and arrested him. Easily the dumbest criminal I’ve met. The dude was genuinely surprised that we found him.
Caitlin Davenport 2 months ago
What about the stupidity of the woman who left $3,000 in a machine?
#18
Not a cop but I work in a prison. One inmate that was charged with fleeing from police told me that he couldn't believe "running from the cops" was a chargeable offense.
#19
Had an idiot go speeding past our building at 85 in a 30. We were in the middle of shift change and there were a dozen of us milling around out front. So of course everyone wanted to pull the guy over. Two patrols take off after him, and pull him over.
Moron was one of us from another shift, though we would not stop him. They threw the book at him and he was surprised the whole time.
Jonas Fisher 2 months ago
Well, to be fair, police quite often do ignore offenses of other officers.
#20
Guy committed a commercial break and enter. He used a hacksaw to cut a hole in the roof. He actually had to cut 2 holes as the first hole went into a stairwell, but the second accessed the office space. I guess he got hot up there doing all that cutting because he took his coat off. Once he got inside dropping to the floor he couldn't get back up. Ran out the back door setting off alarms. I found his identification in his coat pocket. He was well known to us. Pretty dumb but most that get caught are.
#21
As a teacher, remember asking a student who was looking a bit out of it what was up.
Sleepily she replies ‘Didn’t get much sleep.’
I asked her if everything fine, as you’d normally do.
‘Yeah, it’s ok. My uncle got arrested last night though.’
Low socio -economic area so it’s not as unusual as you’d think.
Anyway she tells the story.
‘Uncle so stupid. He and his mate thought it would be a good idea to steal a local ATM. He has his mate smashed through the windows, put chains around it and dragged it out with their big truck. They decided it worked well, so they ended up dragging all the way home.’ She gives a half smile, ‘Thing is, cops found them easy, just followed the marks on the road all the way to the front door.’
So yeah, worthy I feel.
Quick edit to say
I’m Australian, got and tired so excuse language can’t think. This would have been 2008 or 2009 too. That actually scares me it was so long ago.
WalterWhiteSavannah 2 months ago
A buddy of Mines house was broken into by a local repeat offender. In the dead of winter. The guy was my buddies next door neighbour. His footsteps literally went back and forth from buddies front door to his front door. I'm amazed he didn't get away with it. /s
#22
Ex-cop. A kid on my area, 14 or so who was a complete idiot.
He was a thief, and a terrible one at that. He knew I would be in a particular shop, at the same time every day, sitting in the security office with the manager because of shoplifting.
He knew this because i'd already caught him about 4 times. On this occasion he had seen me walking in...
And he still filled his pockets with sweets and walked out. I followed him out and he was with his dad.
I smiled and his dad rolled his eyes immediately and cuffed him round the back of the head.
I gave him a few chances, more than I should have done. Partly because of his age, and partly because his family were dirt poor and couldn't afford fines or to get him to community service. But that was the final straw unfortunately.
I've been gone a few years, so hopefully he has finally got a brain cell.
Riley Quinn 2 months ago
Not sure if he lacked brain cells, or if this was his awkward teenage-self asking for help.
#23
I'm a part time prosecutor. My town is small. About 10,000 and we have two undercover officers. They make 12 to 20 arrests on any given week. My paper keeps putting them on the front page. Literally, buy from anyone else and you're fine. But no, I see dozens upon dozens in Court off of these two. We even made them police officer of the year three years back. No slow down.
#24
My father was a city prosecutor. One time he had a case where an individual paid someone else to break into someone else's house and steal a lot of expensive stereo equipment. Upon delivery of the stolen property, some of the equipment was damaged. The "mastermind" of this crime was so mad that he decided to call the cops.
#25
Am cop. To make a long story slightly less long, the suspect was living in an vacant mansion atop a cliff side. The home owner travels frequently only stays at the property when he’s in town. He came home to find his sliding door unlocked. He checked his security cameras and finds someone had entered the home and hadn’t left, so he proceeds to call the police.
We arrive, get the story and open the sliding door to be met with a very strong odor of marijuana. As we begin clearing the house, we begin to enter the last room, which happens to overlook the cliff. As we begin to make entry to a den-like area with a full bathroom, we hear a shower running and someone singing very loudly. We call out for him to come out, hands in sight. The water and singing stops, we call out again, no answer. We enter the room, clear the bathroom and find no one, but the sliding door leading to a balcony suspended about 12 feet over cliff side is wide open.
We look over the banister, and see only trampled brush. In disbelief that this guy basically jumped off a cliff to avoid the police we ask for the helicopter to search the cliff side to see if there was an injured person at the base or anywhere nearby, negative.
As we look about the room, on the counter are two mason jars full of the devil’s lettuce (or giggle bush if you prefer), a bottle of San peligrino, and a box of half eaten Hawaiian pizza from a local pizza joint that some of coppers of the area frequent. Next to that box was a receipt for the pizza that he had ordered and delivered. On the bottom of that receipt was the name of the person who ordered/paid for the pizza. Did some quick police work on police computers and eventually found the guy who matched the guy in the security video.
He was caught later as he limped his way down a street that was further down the hills.
TL;DR Burglar has personal party with personal pizza in someone else’s house, jumps off a cliff when police come to join.
#26
Guy got kicked out of a bar/after hours club by security. Claims he'll be back and about 30 minutes later he comes around the corner shooting at security. They dog pile him and cuff him. My partners and I were about a block away, got there and tossed him in a back seat. Dude never left frame on the cameras from the time he started shooting until I put him in my back seat and tried to claim it wasn't him.
Same club different idiot. Tried to get past security without a pat down because he had a gun on him. Security hits him with mace, he takes his gun out and starts waving it around, I'm driving past as the call is coming out and pull up on him ditching a gun in the dumpster. Take him into custody and he claims it's not his gun (not unusual there) and says that his martial arts skills kicked in when he was "attacked" by security and he disarmed one of them. I know all the security guards up there and which ones are armed (only one), found her and could see her gun still secured in her holster. Didn't help that this was not the first time dingus tried to ditch a gun on me.
#27
My ex stole a car and went to pick up his friend at the police station in the stolen car. He parked right in front of a cop. The cop ran the plates and escorted him into the building. Next day, he was on the news as the most stupid criminal in town.
Edit: a lot of people are asking me why I dated him. Well he never told me that. One day, I decided to google his name and I found the article. Learn from me ladies and gentlemen, google your partners name. You never know what they are hiding. And yes, best thing I did was break up with him. Mistakes were made.
#28
Not a cop, but paramedic. Got called at like 4pm in the afternoon for the unresponsive guy in a car parked in a parking lot. Cops came along as well. Guy is passed out drunk in the front passenger seat of his car, with the keys in the ignition. So we wake him up, cops talk to him a bunch, doesn't admit to driving, says he was with his girlfriend for his birthday and she just left him in the car. So it's kind of a gray area, they can't really get him with DUI, yeah he's drunk, yeah keys are in the ignition, but he wasn't in driver seat. Anyway cop wants up to check him out and see if we can take him to hospital to sober up. We check him out and don't really find anything that can mandate him to go to the emergency room.
Cop asks him to sit in the back of the cruiser for a minute to give us a chance to talk. Essentially we start explaining we don't have anything to mandate he goes to hospital, yeah he's drunk but he's competent to make his medical decisions still. Cop says he doesn't really have enough to give him a DUI and arrest him, so is planning on just driving him home. Suddenly guy starts bashing his head and kicking his feet on the inside window of the cruiser. Manages to pop the window out partially. Went from getting a free ride home to a felony for damaging the window.
#29
Myself and my colleagues were going to arrest a male. Before we went to try the only address we had for him we went the shop and were going to go to the near by police station to run some errands. As I walk out shop the male we wanted to arrest is standing outside on his phone not even caring I was there. I went and got my colleagues to come and verify I was right and as we were walking past him pretending we weren’t looking at him to see if I was correct and it was the guy we wanted, he says on the phone “Oh Someone’s in Trouble, Im staying to watch this”. in excitement, meaning we didn’t have to worry about identifying him quickly. This was also hilarious as after we arrested him he knew he was wanted, and was even told by his girlfriend before he left where he was staying, that, if he left the home, he would be arrested. Funny thing is if he stayed at his home, it was not the address we were going to look for him at and we knew nothing about.
#30
My grandpa always told a story of his best friend, there was a shady guy waiting for the bus near grandpas friend, shaky, nervous, sweaty, pretty obvious he was about to do something.
He gets on the bus, puts a gun to the drivers head and tells him to drive, turns around to aim at the passengers and demand money only to find like 20 officers with guns aimed at him...
It was a bus that almost every cop in town took to go to work, something pretty well known and something pretty obvious from the sign on the bus, that ended it's route at the preccint...
#31
Teen gets fired from Red Lobster, returns to rob same resteraunt that night. They refuse to give him money from register so he grabs charity coin box (muscular distrophy or similar) and then he leaves on bicycle. I go to find him and see coins scattered about, follow trail off same which leads me to him hiding in bushes at a church. Bicycle was leaning up against the bush he was in.
Edit: Just to clarify because of comments below, I was the police officer that arrested him, not a Red Lobster employee.
Upstaged75 2 months ago
My brother used to live in a really bad area of a city. One day some dude broke in while he was out and tried to steal his TV and bike. Except he decided to do it by attempting to ride the bike while holding the large TV. 😂 Several neighbors were able to stop him and he just ran off.
#32
Guy denied that he was himself the whole way to court. We turned up with a warrant for arrest. And, unsurprisingly given his stupidity he was at home with the door unlocked and watching spongebob. He denied it was him as I held a photo up beside his face and we are talking super distinctive. Like long black hair, Johnny depp facial hair but weighing 300lb. Well I guess it’s possible that he had a look-a-like who happened to be in his house. However, fingerprints don’t lie and in custody, despite his fingerprints being a match... he claimed it wasn’t him. Funny thing was the judge gave him more time for the obstruction than for the original offence.
#33
Not a cop but my father is and this is not a criminal either but a lawyer.
My father used to work financial crimes and working where he does means that he knows a lot of lawyers. One day one calls him upp and tells him that he has gotten an email from the Spanish lottery(both my father and lawyer are norwegians living in Norway) that said he had won 100 million euroes! But the lawyer had heard about people being scamed this way so he called my father to ask about it.
My father simply replied "did you buy a lottery ticket in Spain" to wich the lawyer replied "No" and so my father said "well then it is probably a scam" this should have been the end but the lawyer kept asking "but what if it is true?".
#34
We had an inmate that would constantly call crime stoppers on his contraband cell phone and try to get them to give him the reward if he confessed to his crimes. He did this several times a month.
Uncle Panda 2 months ago
"Sometimes you have to wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck." ~ Larry the Cable Guy
#35
4 AM on a very slow week night. All on duty officers gathered on a deserted hill top to test weapons and converse. A car approaches the very secluded area. The dirt road is very narrow and wooded with no place to turn around. They pull up to officers location to turn.
They had just broken into a coin operated car wash. Still had the coins and front panel of the change machine in their back seat. Drove to literally the ONLY spot in the county where they would get caught to split their loot.
#36
Not a cop but read an article about 2 people caught after they attempted a robbery by sisguising their faces with a permanent marker
Needless to say they were caught, there are pictures and everything, here's the article if anyone's interested:
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/10/29/iowa.marker.disguise/index.html.
Drop Bear from Hell 2 months ago
and here they are in all their glory. the-cluele...25-png.jpg 
#37
Story from a cop:
He and his partner were sent to interview a suspect involved in armed robbery out of state. They show up to his house and find him sitting on the porch. They call him by name and announce themselves as police officers. Then they say, do you know why we are here? The suspect says “yea, that armed robbery in Atlanta”.
The guy apparently was more worried about being seen as out of the loop than being seen as innocent.
Seadog 2 months ago
New branch of a bank I worked for (VA) got robbed almost on the day it opened. They had zero leads, cold case. Nearly 10 years later a guy gets arrested for bank robbery in NY and for some dumb reason confesses to the VA robbery in the 80's. Until that moment, he was only facing the one charge.
#38
This bloke wasn't such a criminal but more a traffic offender. Caught him driving while using his mobile phone. I was the passenger in the police car and filmed him while he was doing so. Pulled him over and he had the phone on the ground in the footwell. Said to me "What? How did that get there?"
Also another traffic related incident. I had worked in the command for nearly 5 years, caught someone pushing in front of the traffic queue, which triggers me as a cop and as a human. He said to me "you don't know how bad the traffic is in *redacted subburb*"
But dumbest guy I ever met was a bloke who robbed a convenience store and I was around the corner. Caught him outside I had my firearm pointed at him and he threatened to stab me. I'm pretty sure he was off his face as he started walking towards me. If he ran he would be dead now but glad he didn't as I just walked backwards and kept yelling at him till he realised there was a glock 22 pointed at his chest. That was also my scariest day in the police. Only a year in at this point and shooting someone is not something I ever want to do.
#39
I knew this kid in high school who got pulled over for a minor traffic violation. He decides it would be funny to jump out of the car and book it down the street. The cops of course go chasing after him and after a couple of blocks he stops, puts his hands in the air, and yells, "Psych!" The cops didn't find it funny so they tackled him to ground and put him under arrest. His parents were wealthy so he didn't get in that much trouble, but it was still so incredibly stupid.
Sara Frazer 2 months ago
Teen boys aren't usually known for wits. When I was in middle school a classmate got both femurs broken when he thought it would be funny to jump out of a bush, in front of a guy to scare him...thing is the guy he was trying to scare was speeding up the road on a quad ...
#40
Not a cop myself, but about 10 years ago I got held up and robbed by a group of 3 guys with knives. All they wanted was the money in my wallet, so me being the smart guy not wanting to mess with knives just obliged. At the end of the ordeal he put the knife to my throat and said "If you ever tell the cops my name is I will slice your throat right now".
So I went home, called the cops, told em where it happened and gave them the name they guy told me. The name instantly rung a bell with them since the guy had come into contact with the police in the past. Cops went to the spot where I was robbed and they were laying in ambush for a new guy to appear. They could instantly identify the guy he was arrested and thats about it.
Happened in the Netherlands, don't know his sentence or anything.
Loloroyoboat 2 months ago
What kind of criminal gives his name during a robbery?? And how does one cut a throat NOW, if the guy talks later? I am beyond confused by the dumbassery of this one.
#41
Former US Border Patrol Agent here, so this is a story from another agent I know up on the northern border.
Local cops drop him off at the Border Patrol station because he was a Canadian citizen and was supplying alcohol to a minor. My buddy runs him and finds that he is a convicted child molester and had skipped out on his parole to another province. In Canada you can get our of your parole just by going to another province because they won't extradite you back to the province where you skipped out on parole. So my buddy thinks about it for a minute and decides to have him deported through the POE (port of entry) that will put him back into the province where he skipped out on parole. So the shitbag starts asking after a day why he hasn't been deported yet and it was explained to him that he was going on the next conair flight to Buffalo,NY so he can be deported and go straight back to prison for his parole violation. Needless to say he wasn't to thrilled when the US Marshals came to pick him up and he realized he was really going back to prison.
Michael Ohman 2 months ago
It is not true that moving Provinces within Canada gets you out of your parole obligations.
#42
So this guy was arrested a couple days ago for driving a stolen vehicle. Vehicle gets impounded, guy gets thrown in jail.
Upon release he decides to call the sheriffs department to ask where the stolen car is because he left his backpack in it in the course of stealing it.
Says it’s his property and I’m stealing it from him....
#43
C/O here. We had a inmate who got really high and drunk before breaking into a house. He stumbled over a couch and it flipped onto his legs and he passed out. The couch cut off circulation to his legs and the owners came home to a passed out man in their house. He lost his legs and his prison nickname was “legs”.
highwaycrossingfrog 2 months ago (edited)
How do you stumble over a couch hard enough that it flips over? And how do you flip a couch towards you not away so that it lands on your legs? And how long would you have to be trapped under said couch for circulation to be cut off to the extent that you need both legs amputated? If the couch is heavy enough to do that, I can't imagine it could be flipped that easily
#44
Not a cop but I went on a ride along with one and boy did we hit the jackpot.
We show up to a Wal-Mart at around 11pm at night for a group of kids loitering. After telling them all to leave, we start to drive around the back to check if anything was going on back there. As we go back, one of the cars from the group that was loitering, got in front of us, (keep in mind this is all happening at less than 20mph) passenger opens the door and dumps all his trash out on the ground.
Yes, he got pulled over instantly and got a ticket.
#45
She wasn't a criminal or really that dumb, but I was stopped while getting lunch by a woman in distress. "Oh thank goodness you're here officer, I need help!" I'm not a street cop on this day, rather I'm working for a mega-industrial utilities facility. I notice she's parked in a fire lane but it's not my jurisdiction, so I figure I'll help where I can and get some preliminary facts for the proper agency in case she's in real trouble. "Okay, what's going on?"
She starts saying that she believes Qualcomm is channeling their communications network through her Kia. I look over at her car and notice two cats inside, crawling over the typical hoarder garbage strewn about. She's mid-40s if not older, yet she's dressed like a teenager walking out of a Van Halen music video. A hot pink tight tee, 80s plume hair, heels and white pants, but it's before labor day so I think nothing of it. "Why do you think Qualcomm is channeling their communications network through your Kia?" "Well, there's a new tower they built behind my house. Ever since then I've had problems with my cell phone, my radio reception, and my hair's been standing on end." She shows me her arm and sure enough every hair is standing at full attention. "Where's your house?" She dodges the question. "I can't get any sleep, I think I'm hearing voices when I'm alone, and I think they're trying to take over my car!"
"Okay, ma'am. I understand your concerns, but I'm going to tell you why that's impossible, so hear me out. First, your car doesn't have nearly enough power to run a transmitter like those on that tower. Even if it did, it doesn't have the equipment or computational power to repeat a signal, let alone process one." I start going over frequencies and communications bands, and how none of the equipment in her car can talk to those towers beyond pinging for GPS coordinates. The stereo system doesn't even have a transmitter, bluetooth is super short range, yadda yadda.
Her eyes glazed over. I told her to maybe look into getting a wide-band frequency scanner so she can see what's being transmitted and received by her car. "Well where can I find one?" "I'm not sure, maybe try to find a HAM-radio operator forum?" "Okay, where's that? Do you have an address?" "No, it's... they're hobbyists, you'll have to search the internet for a message board." "Okay, what's the website?" Jeez.
Long story longer, I made my retreat and called the locals for a possible mental break as I lamented about my cold food.
**Edit:** a good one I heard today from another LEO was a guy he arrested on a separate charge that had weed on him. The trooper missed it in the initial pat-down, and once the suspect was in the back of the car he ate it, right in front of the camera. "Bro, you just turned your minor misdemeanor into a 3rd degree felony." "Aw, nuh-uhh. Dude I can still cough some up, maybe you could pick it outta my teeth?
highwaycrossingfrog 2 months ago (edited)
If this cop thinks that the best way of dealing with a clearly delusional person is to deep dive her into a lengthy technical lesson on electronic frequencies, GPS, and ham radios, there may be a chance they're the dumb one in this story (I should have realised when they opened their story on the subject of dumb criminals with a qualification that the person was neither a criminal nor dumb).
#46
The initial call came in as "someone is in my back yard stealing my weed".
Sure enough the reporting person (RP) had 6 or 7 massive cannabis plants in his back yard. Each about 6 to 8 feet high.
Caught the guy trying to steal one had chopped down one of the plants with an axe and was litterly carrying around the huge plant. He was caught about 2 streets over and you could just follow the cannabis leaves.
Funny thing was the RP got charged with a more serious offence then the thief for cultivation of cannabis, and the thief only got done for unlawfully on premises because you can't get done for stealing something that is illegal.
#47
Not a cop but used to be a Macy's Loss Prevention guy. We had three teens coming in with literally mountains of condoms in their pockets. Someone came to pick them up but it wasn't a relative, Macy's policy is: If they stole under 100 dollars then they can get picked up. These kids stole about 1,300 dollars worth of clothes.
The person who tried to come and pick them up was someone who stole from us before. The fact that the person who came to pick these kids up didn't expect that we weren't gonna be looking for her was f*****g hilarious.
#48
Not me, but my boyfriend is a cop and the city he works in has a family that is all kinds of messed up. The mom is diabetic so the father convinced the mom that swallowing his semen would cure her diabetes. Safe to say, they got a call out to the house with the mom almost going into a diabetic seizure/coma. The son also has been trespassed from the university (which is a major state university so you know it’s a problem) for riding his bike to campus and harassing the female students.
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago (edited)
There is an old police saying, " We don't bust them for breaking the law, we bust 'em for being stupid about it" and every single one of these is a perfect example. My personal favorite was the Florida criminal ( it would be Florida) who attempted to rob a mom and pop gas station just off I95 who had bulletproof glass and refused to hand him the money, so he dialed 911 "because I'm robbing them and they're not cooperating". the dispatcher sympathized and told him the cops needed to stand out in the middle of the road so they would know which gas station it was and he did. Still wondering exactly what he was on.
Auntriarch 2 months ago
My favourite is a suspect who refused to give a handwriting sample, which isn't an offence. However, the Brain of Britain then decided to lodge a complaint against the detective who was investigating him, with a signed and handwritten letter 😂
meeeeeeeeeeee 2 months ago
When I was a teen, we were hanging with mates and some came down to where we were after shoplifting. Police followed soon after and questioned one guy. He says that wasn't me, it was my twin, they said what's your DOB, he gives his, then they asked what's the twins DOB and he goes I don't know, we're not that close hahaha he was lifted.
Ronnie Beaton 2 months ago
I got this story from a medic friend who in turn got it from one of his cop friends. Police officers in Dundee, Scotland, got a call to attend at an address due to a member of the public reporting seeing "Two men fighting with swords". When they got there, instead of finding a reenactment of scenes from Highlander, they discover two small boys beating the c**p out of each other with toy lightsabers. The cops duly sent the budding Jedi on their way back home, and suggested that the initial complainant see an optometrist at their earliest opportunity.
Kent Hargrave 2 months ago
An employee at my company robbed the 7-11 at lunch, wore a mask but left his badge on. much like the kids with letterman's jackets
xolitaire 2 months ago (edited)
In Essen, Germany a dude broke into a store and tried to steal the safe. But since it was very heavy, he got exhausted quickly and decided to take a short power nap right where he was, in the store, in front of the safe. Security found him in the morning, still snoring.
DeoManus Argentem 2 months ago (edited)
Not a cop, but "acquaintance" was the dumb "criminal". One night during high-school the two of us were smoking a j0int while walking along Fort Lauderdale Beach (FL, US) (the area was very busy with tons of shops/restaurants/bars/clubs on the west side of a 2-lane road, the beach on the east.) People kept passing by commenting, "something smells good". Three police show up and my buddy takes off running... into the ocean... while I just stood there. The two male cops follow after him and a female cop hintingly asks me, "You know that guy?... Just say 'no' and gtfo of here - we were just going to ask you guys to trash it, but now this dude is getting brought in for multiples." Was just a j, we weren't selling or anything - it wasn't so relaxed ~2000, but he clearly overreacted. I remember he got a fine and some community service, don't recall more - worst of all his parents found out though. I just stood there and got off scot-free.
Lace Neil 2 months ago
When I worked at the petrol station, these guys parked their car in the tanker bay and started walking off. The manager ran after them, telling them they couldn't park there. They replied, telling him to eff off and call the police if he didn't like it. My manager called the police, who proceeded to take the car as it had no insurance, mot or road tax.
Uncle Panda 2 months ago (edited)
I had a long running association with a series of cops from multiple agencies via jujutsu. We only see the worst in the news. I don't think I could do the job for long before I lost all faith in humanity. Judges too. How many times do you look at the basest of the base, back in court, again, recycling lies from the earlier trials, again, before you just give up. I've chatted with a few judges and depending on the type of court, it can be an occupational hazard.
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago (edited)
There is an old police saying, " We don't bust them for breaking the law, we bust 'em for being stupid about it" and every single one of these is a perfect example. My personal favorite was the Florida criminal ( it would be Florida) who attempted to rob a mom and pop gas station just off I95 who had bulletproof glass and refused to hand him the money, so he dialed 911 "because I'm robbing them and they're not cooperating". the dispatcher sympathized and told him the cops needed to stand out in the middle of the road so they would know which gas station it was and he did. Still wondering exactly what he was on.
Auntriarch 2 months ago
My favourite is a suspect who refused to give a handwriting sample, which isn't an offence. However, the Brain of Britain then decided to lodge a complaint against the detective who was investigating him, with a signed and handwritten letter 😂
meeeeeeeeeeee 2 months ago
When I was a teen, we were hanging with mates and some came down to where we were after shoplifting. Police followed soon after and questioned one guy. He says that wasn't me, it was my twin, they said what's your DOB, he gives his, then they asked what's the twins DOB and he goes I don't know, we're not that close hahaha he was lifted.
Ronnie Beaton 2 months ago
I got this story from a medic friend who in turn got it from one of his cop friends. Police officers in Dundee, Scotland, got a call to attend at an address due to a member of the public reporting seeing "Two men fighting with swords". When they got there, instead of finding a reenactment of scenes from Highlander, they discover two small boys beating the c**p out of each other with toy lightsabers. The cops duly sent the budding Jedi on their way back home, and suggested that the initial complainant see an optometrist at their earliest opportunity.
Kent Hargrave 2 months ago
An employee at my company robbed the 7-11 at lunch, wore a mask but left his badge on. much like the kids with letterman's jackets
xolitaire 2 months ago (edited)
In Essen, Germany a dude broke into a store and tried to steal the safe. But since it was very heavy, he got exhausted quickly and decided to take a short power nap right where he was, in the store, in front of the safe. Security found him in the morning, still snoring.
DeoManus Argentem 2 months ago (edited)
Not a cop, but "acquaintance" was the dumb "criminal". One night during high-school the two of us were smoking a j0int while walking along Fort Lauderdale Beach (FL, US) (the area was very busy with tons of shops/restaurants/bars/clubs on the west side of a 2-lane road, the beach on the east.) People kept passing by commenting, "something smells good". Three police show up and my buddy takes off running... into the ocean... while I just stood there. The two male cops follow after him and a female cop hintingly asks me, "You know that guy?... Just say 'no' and gtfo of here - we were just going to ask you guys to trash it, but now this dude is getting brought in for multiples." Was just a j, we weren't selling or anything - it wasn't so relaxed ~2000, but he clearly overreacted. I remember he got a fine and some community service, don't recall more - worst of all his parents found out though. I just stood there and got off scot-free.
Lace Neil 2 months ago
When I worked at the petrol station, these guys parked their car in the tanker bay and started walking off. The manager ran after them, telling them they couldn't park there. They replied, telling him to eff off and call the police if he didn't like it. My manager called the police, who proceeded to take the car as it had no insurance, mot or road tax.
Uncle Panda 2 months ago (edited)
I had a long running association with a series of cops from multiple agencies via jujutsu. We only see the worst in the news. I don't think I could do the job for long before I lost all faith in humanity. Judges too. How many times do you look at the basest of the base, back in court, again, recycling lies from the earlier trials, again, before you just give up. I've chatted with a few judges and depending on the type of court, it can be an occupational hazard.
You May Like 70 Times People Saw Americans Embarrassing Themselves Online And Just Had To Take A Screenshot (New Pics) 40 Companies That Deserve A “Corporate Darwin Award” For Destroying Their Businesses “Safe, Reliable And Boring”: 43 People Compare What It’s Like To Live In Europe Vs. The US
Greta Jaruševičiūtė
Viktorija Ošikaitė
Viktorija Ošikaitė
Related on Bored Panda
