Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Billionaire Dad Shares Son’s Nighttime Stats in ‘Gross’ Post, Leaving People Stunned
15

Billionaire Dad Shares Son’s Nighttime Stats in ‘Gross’ Post, Leaving People Stunned

ADVERTISEMENT

Tech entrepreneur Bryan Johnson took father-son bonding to a whole new and “gross” level by sharing details about his sensual night time action.

The eccentric billionaire, known for bizarre acts like taking 111 pills a day and injecting fat into his face, recently shared a post comparing his own intimate bedroom details to that of his 19-year-old son, Talmage.

Without an ounce of hesitation, Johnson shared data about the number of times he and his teenage son were turned on.

RELATED:

    Tech entrepreneur Bryan Johnson shared details about his son’s intimate nighttime pleasures on social media

    Image credits: bryanjohnson_

    In the name of science, the 47-year-old biohacker also shared information about the number of episodes, the total duration of the episodes, the average quality, and the subsequent sleep efficiency.

    “Data from my 19-year-old son, @talmagejohnson_, and me,” the father wrote in his Facebook post.

    He also noted how his son’s average duration lasted two minutes longer than his.

    Image credits: Bryan Johnson

    “His duration is two minutes longer than mine,” he said.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    With a chest-beating tone, he added: “Raise children to stand tall, be firm, and be upright.”

    Son Talmage did not seem to mind having his intimate details displayed on a public platform.

    “His duration is two minutes longer than mine,” the tech entrepreneur said while comparing his data to his son’s

    Image credits: bryan_johnson

    Image credits: bryan_johnson

    “I’m grateful for the way my dad has raised me,” the teenager said after resharing the tweet on his X page.

    Meanwhile, the internet could not believe the father was keeping a “record” of his son’s nighttime intimate actions and found it “weird” and “gross.”

    “I guarantee you this sentence has never before been uttered in the english language,” one said about his caption while another said, “I don’t even want to know how you measure this.”

    “I’m grateful for the way my dad has raised me,” the teenager said after resharing the data on his own X page

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Image credits: magdawosinskastudio

    “Legitimately the most insane thing I’ve ever read and I read a black groyper manifesto like 10 minutes ago,” read a third comment.

    A fourth said, “You didn’t need to share this with everyone.”

    “Stiff competition,” one joked. Another also humorously said, “I was thinking of asking you on a date but uhh those 2 mins.”

    Other comments took a more serious tone, with one saying, “This is absolutely sickening. Your child is being abused.”

    Netizens found it “gross” and “weird” that the father was sharing the “stiff competition” he was having with his son

    Image credits: grenwuld

    Cartoon of billionaire trying to reverse aging, with speech bubbles about measuring time, referencing son's intimate details.

    Image credits: War_Wilhelm

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT

    Image credits: SpaceCatMemes

    “For the love of God, why would you post this on the internet publicly? I feel bad for your son,” said another.

    “Did your son give you permission to share these?” one asked. “This is very sensitive and private information.”

    Johnson has become popular online for his obsession and intensive efforts in preventing aging and maintaining his youthfulness. He has previously infused himself with his son’s plasma and injected fat into his face in an effort to stretch out his lifespan.

    The eccentric billionaire, 47, is on a crusade to reverse his biological aging process

    Image credits: bryanjohnson_

    Image credits: bryanjohnson_

    He recently wrote about how he is in the process of “de-aging” his penis.

    “Men – if you’re not having robust b*ners at night, you’re 70% more likely to die prematurely,” he wrote in a December blog post. “If you’re grinding at the expense of your health, you’re flaccid.”

    ADVERTISEMENT

    “Women – the same is true for you too. You have similar arousal cycles as men each night (your clitoris engorges). It’s how our sex organs remain in good health,” he continued.”

    The entrepreneur acknowledged how women don’t have as much data to fall back on, saying: “Sadly there isn’t as much data on female nocturnal arousal cycles.”

    He engages in what he described as “low cost brain/mind measurement” and “intense pulsed light therapy” for his anti-aging regimen

    Image credits: bryanjohnson_

    Image credits: bryanjohnson_

    Taking his commitment one step further, he urged his male readers to track their nighttime performance and claimed his privates have a run time that is “the length of Titanic, 3 hours and 14 minutes.”

    The rich tech mogul also shells out a whopping $2 million every year on his campaign of wanting to live forever. This money is spent on a variety of things such as his personal health team of 30 doctors and experts, monitoring his organs and bodily functions, weekly skin care treatments to repair sun damage, and other bizarre experiments to reverse his biological aging process.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    “Even my Face ID is confused. I’m transitioning…” Johnson joked while sharing his facial transformation over the years

    Image credits: bryan_johnson

    His crusade was also documented in the Netflix documentary Don’t Die: The Man Who Wants to Live Forever.

    Johnson reportedly has a strict daily regimen he sticks to in order to keep his health in check. He wakes up at 5 a.m. and exercises for an hour before engaging in “concentrated thought” for four to five hours, according to the New York Post.

    He also sticks to a vegan diet, has blood transfusions and conducts health tests on a daily basis. After nightfall, he wears a small device on his privates to measure performance.

    “Most people assume death is inevitable. We’re just basically trying to prolong the time we have before we die,” he told TIME in 2023.

    Until now, “I don’t think there’s been any time in history where Homo sapiens could say with a straight face that death may not be inevitable,” he added.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    “I don’t even want to know how you measure this,” read one social media comment

    Image credits: bandrui0

    Image credits: LibertyLockPod

    Image credits: jolteon_teeth

    Image credits: greg16676935420

    Image credits: BradyOrenthal

    Image credits: chamathsintern

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Image credits: networkspirits

    Image credits: TexasPharmD

    Image credits: its_aksh_

    Image credits: michaeltastad

    Image credits: martianwyrdlord

    Image credits: WashYourCrack

    Image credits: mvparadigm

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Image credits: vadbars

    Image credits: JamesLimmer

    Image credits: xucian_

    Share on Facebook
    Binitha Jacob

    Binitha Jacob

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Working as a writer for Bored Panda offers an added layer of excitement. By afternoon, I'm fully immersed in the whirlwind of celebrity drama, and by evening, I'm navigating through the bustling universe of likes, shares, and clicks. This role not only allows me to delve into the fascinating world of pop culture but also lets me do what I love: weave words together and tell other people's captivating stories to the world

    Read less »
    Binitha Jacob

    Binitha Jacob

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Working as a writer for Bored Panda offers an added layer of excitement. By afternoon, I'm fully immersed in the whirlwind of celebrity drama, and by evening, I'm navigating through the bustling universe of likes, shares, and clicks. This role not only allows me to delve into the fascinating world of pop culture but also lets me do what I love: weave words together and tell other people's captivating stories to the world

    Donata Leskauskaite

    Donata Leskauskaite

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Hey there! I'm a Visual Editor in News team. My responsibility is to ensure that you can read the story not just through text, but also through photos. I get to work with a variety of topics ranging from celebrity drama to mind-blowing Nasa cosmic news. And let me tell you, that's what makes this job an absolute blast! Outside of work, you can find me sweating it out in dance classes or unleashing my creativity by drawing and creating digital paintings of different characters that lives in my head. I also love spending time outdoors and play board games with my friends.

    Read less »

    Donata Leskauskaite

    Donata Leskauskaite

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Hey there! I'm a Visual Editor in News team. My responsibility is to ensure that you can read the story not just through text, but also through photos. I get to work with a variety of topics ranging from celebrity drama to mind-blowing Nasa cosmic news. And let me tell you, that's what makes this job an absolute blast! Outside of work, you can find me sweating it out in dance classes or unleashing my creativity by drawing and creating digital paintings of different characters that lives in my head. I also love spending time outdoors and play board games with my friends.

    What do you think ?
    Add photo comments
    POST
    Tiffany
    Community Member
    1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This guy spends majority of his time and life on Earth doing everything possible in a day to reverse aging and worrying about dying. (Anything too extreme is "unhealthy.") Are you even truly happy? Your brain is set on nothing other than your appearance. Maybe try therapy and learn to live in the moment and be real with yourself. You clearly crossed some major boundaries with your son. What even is that? What!? Why? And to what end?

    XenoMurph
    Community Member
    1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He MIGHTsurvive a couple of extra years due to all this. But the time he spent doing all this is time he could spend living. But the chances are he'll die early due to all the stress of trying to live longer.

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    Captive
    Community Member
    1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One thing very rich people seem to have in common is the fear of death, or rather losing what they have.

    Load More Comments
    Tiffany
    Community Member
    1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This guy spends majority of his time and life on Earth doing everything possible in a day to reverse aging and worrying about dying. (Anything too extreme is "unhealthy.") Are you even truly happy? Your brain is set on nothing other than your appearance. Maybe try therapy and learn to live in the moment and be real with yourself. You clearly crossed some major boundaries with your son. What even is that? What!? Why? And to what end?

    XenoMurph
    Community Member
    1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He MIGHTsurvive a couple of extra years due to all this. But the time he spent doing all this is time he could spend living. But the chances are he'll die early due to all the stress of trying to live longer.

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    Captive
    Community Member
    1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One thing very rich people seem to have in common is the fear of death, or rather losing what they have.

    Load More Comments
    You May Like
    Related on Bored Panda
    Related on Bored Panda
    Trending on Bored Panda
    Also on Bored Panda