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For someone who feasts on human brains every chance they get, you’d think zombies should be as smart as your average Brainy McBrain. However, literature and pop culture decided that no matter how many body parts you eat, you’ll still be just a moany, slightly rotten, limping scarecrow! Now, although that does seem a bit illogical, it doesn’t mean there aren’t any cool jokes to be made about zombies. On the contrary! The less logic, the better! And, if you’d like to see if this hypothesis is right, we invite you to check out our selection of these glorious zombie jokes that got us laughing, moaning, and hee-hawing.

So, besides some high-quality jokes about zombies, we’ve been thorough enough to scour the internets for some zombie puns, too. Who could resist the brain-grain one, anyway? Definitely not us, and we hope these cute puns intermingled with some spooky jokes will also tickle your funny bone as much as it did ours! And for those who just can’t imagine cute and zombie placed in the same sentence, there are also loads of appropriately creepy Halloween jokes too. What’s Halloween without a zombie, and what’s a zombie without a hilarious joke?

Now, the zombie jokes are just a smidgen further down - you should definitely check them out! Once you are done with that, give the best jokes your vote and share this article with anyone who you think might enjoy them as much as you!

#1

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious Why do many zombies go to sleep early?

They are dead tired.

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#2

"If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills. I should be fine."

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#3

What is a zombie s favorite language?

Latin, because it is a dead language.

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#4

What do zombies consult to find out their futures?

Horror-scopes!

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#5

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious Who do zombies avoid eating, and why?

Clowns, because they taste funny!

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#6

What do you call a zombie that cooks stir-frys?

Dead Man Wok-ing.

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#7

What does a zombie do when he’s sick?

He groans and coffins!

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#8

Which is a zombie’s favorite room in a house?

The living room!

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#9

What do zombies do on their time off?

They brainstorm!

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#10

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What do you call a Mexican zombie?

Zombre!

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#11

What do you call a zombie that doesn't joke around?

Dead serious.

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#12

"Got attached by zombies but they didn't hurt me. Fortunately, they were looking for brains."

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#13

How does a zombie greet you?

It says "Nice to eat you!"

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#14

What do you call a bite from a cold zombie?

A frostbite!

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#15

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious How do zombies fall asleep?

They count brain cells!

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#16

What is a zombie’s favorite cocktail?

A Bloody Mary!

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#17

What do you get when you cross a zombie with a legume?

A zom-bean!

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#18

What does a zombie call a brain freeze?

A frozen dinner.

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#19

Where did zombies go for a family meal?

Headquarters.

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#20

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious Why do zombies love the fall?

Because everyone has pumpkin spice on the brains!

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#21

Stand-up comedy is a great gig for a zombie. Either they are dying up there, or they are killing it.

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#23

What do dyslexic zombies eat?

Brians.

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#24

Humans get arrested under Miranda rights, but what do zombies get arrested under?

Habeas Corpus people!

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#25

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious If the Joker actor was the only zombie in a web series what would it be called?

The Joaquin Dead.

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#26

What would happen if the apocalypse were to happen in Vegas?

Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

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#27

Why was the zombie sad?

Because he just wanted to be with zombodie he loved!

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#28

"I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself... my wife rushes through the room and shouts, 'You're supposed to give them candies, Frank!'"

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#29

What do Middle Eastern Zombies eat?

Bahrains!

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#30

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious They are making the next series of Walking Dead in Greece. It’s a total zombie Acropolis.

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#31

Why are zombies never arrested?

Cause they can never be taken alive!

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#32

What is a zombie sleepover called?

Mass grave!

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#33

Do you know where zombies live?

On dead-end streets!

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#34

Which sea do zombies swim in?

The Dead Sea!

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#35

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious Why is it never wise to let a zombie cross the road alone?

It might not have eyes.

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#36

What would you call an undead cheese?

It was zom-brie.

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#37

Why can you overtake a zombie on a bicycle so easily?

Because they're dead on my feet.

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#38

Why are zombies so good at Minecraft?

Dead-ication!

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#39

What did the cowboy zombie who keeps talking about the apocalypse tell me when I met him?

He said the end is neigh!

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#40

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What is an apocalypse in Wisconsin called?

Parmageddon!

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#41

During the zombie apocalypse, what would be the most secure place on earth?

Washington DC. They haven't got any brains down there.

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#42

Why is the population of Eastern Europe never really worried about the lack of food in the event that the Zombies decide to rise?

Because they can always cook-up a nice pot of ghoul-ash.

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#43

Where should people go in case the zombies decide to rise?

The retirement home, no one there's gonna have the teeth to take a bite at you.

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#44

Why do zombies prefer to eat straight-A students?

Because they have big brains!

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#45

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious How does a zombie like his steak done?

Flesh and raw-r!

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#46

Why did the policeman lock the zombie up for the night after pulling him over?

Because the zombie couldn’t walk in a straight line.

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simonthornperez avatar
Simon ThornPerez
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaabahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahhahhahahahahahhahahahhahahhaha

#47

Why was the zombie left-handed?

Because his right arm dropped off!

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#48

What flowers do zombie women love to receive on Valentine’s Day?

Carnivorous flowers!

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#49

What’s a zombie’s favorite attire?

Blood splats!

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#50

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious Why did the zombie retire from eating brains?

Because his teeth and jaw fell out!

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#51

Why did the zombie have to consult a behavioral therapist?

Because he couldn’t control his urges to eat brains!

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#52

What did the zombie band call themselves?

"The Walking Dead!"

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#53

What forms part of a complete zombie diet?

Plenty of whole brains!

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#54

How do zombies greet their dinner guests?

They say, “Pleased to eat you!”

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#55

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What’s a zombie’s favorite drink?

A shot of te-kill-ya!

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#56

Why did the zombie get rushed to the hospital?

Because he was in a grave condition.

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#57

Why do you call a zombie who’s good at eating brains?

Dead-icated!

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#58

Why did the zombie burn no calories while exercising?

Because he was walking while dead!

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#59

Why did the zombie never need to go to the hairdresser?

Because he had un-dead ends!

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#60

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What did the zombie give his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day?

A box of brains and a deady bear!

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#61

Why can’t zombies have pets?

Because they’d eat their brains!

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#62

What weather do zombies love best?

B-rain!

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#63

Why won’t zombies enter beauty pageants?

Because they believe that beauty is only skin deep!

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#64

What icy dessert do zombies love?

Eyes cream!

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#65

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What do you call a stripey zombie?

A zom-bee!

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#66

What should you never give a zombie?

A piece of your mind!

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#67

What the name of the 1940’s hit song zombies love to listen to?

"Diamonds are a ghoul’s best friend!"

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#68

Why is the deep south US the safest place to relocate during the zombie apocalypse?

Toothless zombies can't bite.

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#69

What do zombies do in church?

Prey.

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#70

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious Can zombies do yoga?

Of corpse knot!

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#71

What do the zombies read in the newspaper?

The head lines.

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#72

What kind of apocalypse would be best for the economy?

A zombie apocalypse, because zombies are great consumers!

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#73

Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?

He was dead lifting.

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#74

Why did the zombie get a job in the ICU?

Because he was a vegetarian.... ok I'll see my way out.

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#75

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What kind of dish washing liquid does a zombie use?

"Dawn of the Dead."

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#76

What's a zombie's favorite movie?

"Shambler's list."

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#77

How do zombies eat healthier?

They switch to vegetarians.

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#78

Why hasn't the zombie apocalypse happened already?

Someone's really been dragging their feet on that.

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#79

"As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits. I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever."

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#80

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious Do zombies eat candy corn with their fingers?

No, they eat their fingers separately!

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#81

What should you do at a Halloween party if a zombie rolls their eyes at you?

Roll them back to them!

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#82

What is a zombie’s favorite sauce with brains?

Grave-y.

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#83

How do zombies keep their hair in place?

With scare spray.

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#84

What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat?

Life Savers.

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#85

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What is black, white & dead all over?

A zombie in a tuxedo.

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#86

What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?

A zom-beagle.

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#87

What bread do zombies usually eat?

Whole brain!

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#88

What do zombies say before a boxing match?

"Do you want a piece of me"?

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#89

Why did the zombie get a bullet in the head?

Because it asked for a high five.

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#90

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious Why didn't the zombie cross the road?

Because it did not have the guts to walk.

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#91

What did the zombie say when he was asked why he eats brains?

"A mind is a terrible thing to go to waste."

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#92

During the apocalypse, what did the stupid children say to each other?

"Zombies usually eat brains, you are in all probability safe."

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#93

What did the zombie say about drinking blood?

"Blood is really warm. It's like drinking hot chocolate but with more screaming."

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#94

What did the zombies say when asked why they haven't risen yet?

The zombie say that someone has been dragging at that task for quite a long time.

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#95

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What did the zombie order at the fast-food restaurant?

A quarter brainer and fries!

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#96

How did the zombie get promoted?

He created a horde of zombies!

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#97

What do zombies have for breakfast?

Zombie flakes and blood!

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#98

What holiday do zombies celebrate each year?

The day of the apocalypse!

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#99

Why was the zombie shy?

Because he was once bitten!

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#100

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious How did the zombie get ready for her dinner date?

She got dressed up to kill!

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#101

Why did the zombie forget to go to the meeting?

Because he was braindead.

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#102

Where do zombies congregate?

On either hemisphere of the brain!

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#103

How much do zombies earn eating brains?

No sense!

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#104

Why can a zombie never be a comedian?

Because the alive don’t think zombies are funny!

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#105

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious How did the zombie feel about meeting his long-distance girlfriend for the first time?

He was dying to meet her!

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#106

How do zombies dance?

Step, step, groan, repeat!

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#107

How do zombies start off a good night?

With a human snack!

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#108

What do you call a line of zombies approaching?

A dead-line!

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#109

What do zombies say before they eat?

"Bone Appetit!"

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#110

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious Why did the zombie fail the test?

Because he plague-gerized his answers!

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#111

What do you get when you cross a baby with a zombie?

A zom-bae!

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#112

Which kind of pizza is a zombie’s favorite?

Bite-sized ones!

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#113

What do you call a zombie on the hunt?

The working dead!

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#114

What do zombie pirates eat?

Arrrrms!

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#115

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What makes zombies laugh?

Dad jokes.

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#116

A single zombie is scary, but a row of zombies forms something even scarier... a deadline.

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#117

What do Zombies think when they see someone with a red hat and no mask?

That's a no brainer.

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#118

Why did the zombie take a day off work?

He was feeling really rotten.

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#119

Zombie got bitten by a theoretical physicist. Now he goes around saying: "Branes, branes, branes..."

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#120

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What was the name of the zombie a cappella group?

Resonant Evil.

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#121

Why was the zombie embarrassed in bed?

He had resurrectile disfunction.

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#122

A vampire, a zombie, and a ghost are at a party. The ghost gets something to eat, then immediately asks the zombie where the bathroom is. The ghost does his business, and returns to get some more food. He has some more to eat, then excuses himself to the restroom with the vampire. When he gets back, the zombie asks if the ghost is feel all right. The ghost replies, “I’m fine, the food’s just going right through me.”

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#123

"So I watched a zombie movie recently. The survivors boarded themselves in an old furniture store. They had a nice camp setup with beds, lounges, workbenches, and thrived for several years. At least until the virus mutated and jumped to inanimate objects. Then the tables turned..."

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#124

A zombie was roaming through the woods looking for something to eat. He came across two men - one sitting under a tree and reading a book, & the other typing away on his typewriter. The zombie quickly pounced on the man reading the book and started to devour him. Because even a brain dead zombie knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

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#125

A zombie walks into a brain store. On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers brain sells for $500, of Java programmers $1000 and of PHP programmers $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "Do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get one pound of brain?"

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#126

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What do you give a zombie who is up to their neck in slime?

More slime.

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#127

What do zombies like to eat at barbeques?

Halloweenies.

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#128

Where do zombie monkeys live?

In the brain forest.

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#129

Why was the zombie comedian boo-ed off stage?

Because most of the jokes he said had gone bad.

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#130

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What shampoo does a zombie wash his hair with?

Head and Shoulders!

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#131

If Batman was infected during a zombie apocalypse what would he say on seeing one of his arch-nemesis destroying Gotham?

"BANEEEEE!"

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#132

Why could the zombie not get his dream job as a chef?

Because his cooking was rotten!

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#133

What are a zombie’s favorite colors?

Blood red and grey matter pink!

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#134

Why was the zombie always grinning?

Because he had no lips!

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#135

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What’s a zombie’s favorite kind of suburb?

A dead-end or kill-de-sac!

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#136

Why did the zombie lose the quiz show?

Because he kept saying the answer to each question was brains.

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#137

Who accompanied the zombie to the restaurant?

His ghoul-friend!

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#138

How did the zombie help the other zombie screw in the lightbulb?

He gave him his hand!

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#139

How do zombies measure time?

In decay-eds!

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#140

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What car does a zombie dream of driving?

A monster truck!

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#141

What currency do zombies use?

Crypto-currency!

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#142

What are zombies afraid of?

Crypt-onite!

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#143

Why do some zombies hang out at truckstop bathrooms?

They’re looking for gory holes.

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#144

Why did the girl fall in love with the zombie?

She said he was just so infectious.

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#145

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What is a zombies least favorite month?

Dismember.

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#146

Loved the Korean zombie movie "Train to Busan" and can't wait for it's sequel to come out?

Then catch a train to Wuhan.

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#147

What do you call a vegetarian zombie?

A liar.

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#148

What’s a Zombies favorite candy?

Riesen.

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#149

Where do zombies shop for groceries?

Whole dudes.

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#150

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What do you call it when a zombie steals an idea?

Plaguegiarism.

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#151

What’s the best way to survive a zombie apocalypse?

Plants.

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#152

The Pentagon has a plan for combating a real life zombie apocalypse. They plan on requesting the aliens to stop the zombie film shooting.

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#153

"I asked the hotel checkout girl, 'Do you provide turndown service?' She said, 'Sure. I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last guy on earth after the zombie apocalypse and your saliva contained the antidote.'"

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#154

Why did the zombie eat the archer?

He wanted his bone and marrow.

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#155

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What is a zombie’s favorite football team?

"The Washington Deadskins."

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#156

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead.

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#157

157 Zombie Jokes That Are As Spooky As They Are Hilarious What do you call a zombie at a trump rally?

Starving.

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