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50 Of The Best “What’s The Difference Between” Jokes The Internet Has To Offer
Everyone loves good jokes. They can elevate your mood and brighten up your day when life is not going exactly the way you planned. You might not realize it, but jokes can also be divided into genres. From slapstick comedy to sarcasm to more subtle humor, there are so many different ways to make funny jokes.
What you will find funny in a moment solely depends on your character and the mood you are in. Sometimes even the most awkward of dad jokes that would make you facepalm in any other situation can make you laugh out loud.
While some types of jokes are universally loved, there are others that are not everyone’s cup of tea. For example, dark humor jokes may be frowned upon, and if morbid humor is your go-to strategy to make someone laugh, people might start giving you side glances. That’s why it would be advisable to be a little cautious and make sure your jokes aren’t hurting anyone.
Delivery is extremely important. Even the best pun jokes will fall flat if you don’t tell them right. This is the reason why some people make fantastic stand-up or movie comedians, while others can hardly squeeze a chuckle out of their audience.
For this article, we collected a lot of “what’s the difference between” jokes. But since there can never be enough jokes, make sure you share your favorite ones in the comments below.
This post may include affiliate links.
What’s the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins, “Once upon a time…”. A southern fairytale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…”
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
What’s the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
An amateur thief says, “Give me all your money!”. A professional thief says, “Sign here please.”
Like Bill Burr said, What's the difference between banking and loan sharking? The only difference is that a loan shark will break your legs. The bank doesn't have to because what they do is legal.
What’s the difference between the mafia and the government?
One of them is organized.
What’s the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?
Iron Man stops the bad guy, Aluminum Man foils their plans.
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
What’s the difference between ice cream and your advice?
I asked for the ice cream.
What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo & Juliet?
One’s a Coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter F.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
What’s the difference between communism and a pencil?
The pencil works on things other than paper.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.
What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?
February 14th.
What's the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Their seasoning.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What’s the difference between democracy and feudalism?
With feudalism, it’s your count that votes.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
You’ll see one later and one in a while.
What is the difference between an atheistic shop and a religious shop?
An atheistic shop is non-prophet.
What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
What’s the difference between mitosis and escaping prison?
Nothing; they both require splitting from cells.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
What’s the difference between an envelope and a window?
Nobody looks at you funny when you lick an envelope.
What’s the difference between love and marriage?
Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener.
What’s the difference between a bowl of moldy lettuce and a depressing song?
One is a bad salad, and the other is a sad ballad.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a cynic?
A teacher answers your questions; a cynic questions your answers.
What’s the difference between the winner of a bodybuilding competition and a couch potato?
One has a trophy for muscles and the other has muscle atrophy.
What is the difference between learning sign language and learning to speak English?
One is pretty handy.
What’s the difference between an Indian restaurant and a Vietnamese restaurant?
Indian places are naan profit, Vietnamese places are pho profit.
What’s the difference between a museum and Mordor?
One does not simply walk into Mordor.
What’s the difference between a dad joke and a bad joke?
The direction the first letter faces.
What’s the difference between a good night and a great night?
How you tell the story the next morning.
What’s the difference between a booger and broccoli?
Kids won’t eat broccoli.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
What is the difference between standing in the rain and standing in the shower?
The water bill.
What is the difference between a kleptomaniac and an actor?
A kleptomaniac takes things literally.
What is the difference between studying Geology and studying English?
Studying Geology rocks.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup.
What’s the difference between a man with an unnaturally high voice and one with unnatural teeth?
One has a falsetto voice, the other has a false set o’ teeth.
What’s the difference between humans and frogs?
Humans croak once, but frogs croak all the time.
What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
A nurse goes to the bank to cash a check, and rummages through her purse for a pen. She thought she found one, but instead what she pulled out was a rectal thermometer. "Great!" she says, " That's just great! Some @sshole's got my pen."
What’s the difference between a good idea and a bad idea?
Your opinion.
What’s the difference between a man and a computer?
You only have to tell a computer to do something once.
What’s the difference between a greedy person and a shrimp?
One is selfish; the other is shellfish.
What’s the difference between a piano and a tuna?
You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.
What is the difference between baseball and law?
In baseball, if you’re caught stealing, you’re out.
What is the difference between the old plastic straws and the new paper straws?
Plastic straws suck.
And paper straws come in plastic packages. Why can't we just drink from the cup? Sucking stuff must be very enjoyable for some people I guess
Keeps your mouth off the glass, and your saliva in the cup. Easier for kids to use, too, so they don't spill it everywhere. Also, better for your teeth when drinking acidic drinks.
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Paper straws make the whole drink taste like paper if you don't slurp the whole thing down in seconds.
Just bought a pack of 400 PLASTIC STRAWS from ebay. There is still hope to survive in this dystopian eco dictatorship.
Until they are used, then they are quickly mush.
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What’s the difference between the first three letters of the alphabet and a rare blood type?
One is ABC; the other is AB, see?
What’s the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night?
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep. A horror night is when your teddy bear hugs you back.
What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion?
No one cries when you chop up an accordion.
What is the difference between a kitchen counter top made of marble and one made of wood?
You won’t take the wood counter top for granite.
What’s the difference between a piano, glue, and a tuna?
You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you’d get stuck on that.
What’s the difference between a fake dollar bill and a crazy rabbit?
One is bad money, and the other is a mad bunny.
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? One costs a dollar, and the other is just under a buck.
What’s the difference between a calculator and a flaky friend?
You can count on a calculator.
You can count on a 'flaky friend' too; everything they say is not true
What’s the difference between a fisherman and a lazy schoolboy?
One baits his hook, and the other hates his book.
What is the difference between dusk and dawn?
I don’t know, I am never awake early enough to see dawn.
What is the difference between working as a stock trader and working as a baker?
A baker still kneads the dough.
What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.
What’s the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?
One’s motto is ‘Be Prepared’, the other’s is ‘Beep Repaired’.
What’s the difference between a $20 ring and a $200 ring?
How bad you messed up.
What’s the difference between a tight pair of shoes and the mailman?
Nothing; they both make your dogs bark.
What’s the difference between a hopeless romantic and an Italian exterminator?
One chases romance, the other chases Rome ants.
What is the difference between a visit from the taxman and one from a ninja?
You won’t notice the Ninja visiting.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
A mosquito can fly but a fly can’t mosquito.
What’s the difference between a broken clock and the weatherman?
A broken clock is right twice a day.
What’s the difference between chemistry jokes and physics jokes?
Chemistry jokes can be funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.
What’s the difference between a merry-go-round and someone caught in a lie?
Nothing; they both go in circles until they’re stopped.
What is the difference between a battery and Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh?
A battery has a positive side.
What’s the difference between toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise?
Nothing, they both try to get rid of Klingons.
What is the difference between underage Dave attempting to buy alcohol and David buying alcohol?
David has his I.D.
What’s the difference between the Grinch and a liar?
One lives on a fictional mountain and the other lives on mountains of fiction.
What’s the difference between a 3K and a leaky sink?
One is a little run and the other runs a little.
What’s the difference between a pencil and someone you’re arguing with?
The pencil has a point.
Incredibly arrogant. Disagreeing with someone does NOT mean the person doesn’t have a point.
What’s the difference between a dead dinosaur and a lump of coal?
A million years.
What is the difference between a clock and a mobile phone?
One of them goes Tik-Tok.
What is the difference between a fire breaking out at the circus and a fire breaking out at the zoo?
At the circus the fire is in-tents.
What’s the difference between America and a pen drive?
One is the USA, and the other is a USB.
What’s the difference between an Italian barber and an angry circus ringmaster?
One’s a shaving roman and the other’s a raving showman.
What’s the difference between a battle horse and a cart horse?
One darts into the fray and the other farts into the hay.
What is the difference between using yesterday’s newspaper for a pillow and using a corduroy pillowcase?
The headlines.
What is the difference between whipping cream and churning butter?
Whipping cream is whisk-y business.
What is the difference between zero and nought?
Absolutely nothing.
What is the difference between a step stool and a 3D printer?
The former is a ladder, while the latter is a former.
What’s the difference between a female ant and a male ant?
A girl ant sinks in the water. A buoyant floats.
What is the difference between a photon going on holiday and an elephant doing the same?
A photon travels light.
What’s the difference between a scratch-and-sniff book and a witch’s book?
One is a book of smells; the other is a book of spells.
What’s the difference between a baby carrot and a tangerine?
One is small and orange; the other is a small orange.
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
What’s the difference between a catfish and a thief?
One’s a bottom-dwelling scum sucker; the other’s just a fish.
What’s the difference between a restaurant lounge and an elephant fart?
One’s a barroom and the other’s a BARROOM.
What is the difference between cryptocurrency and the American currency?
Cryptocurrency doesn’t make cents to me.
What is the difference between eating Altoids and being sent to your room?
One is a real punnish-mint.
What’s the difference between your file cabinet and your kidney?
One is for your information, the other’s for urine formation.
What’s the difference between a pair of genes and a pair of jeans?
One is hereditary; the other helps her get ready.
What’s the difference between a pirate and a jeweler?
One watches the seas while the other sees the watches.
What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a dog?
Santa Claus wears a suit, and a dog… Just pants!
What is the difference between the dentist and the therapist?
One deals in feelings, the other deals in fillings.
What is the difference between asparagus stems and scientists?
Asparagus stems grow in a field, but scientists work in the STEM field.
What’s the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?
One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler.
What’s the difference between a pie and a cobbler?
One’s a dessert and the other makes shoes.
What is the difference between reading non-fiction in the past, the present and the future?
The in-tense-ity.
What is the difference between upholstery insurance and table insurance?
With upholstery insurance you are fully covered.
What’s the difference between a clown and an athletic rabbit?
One is a bit funny and the other is a fit bunny.
What’s the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches and the other watches cells.
What’s the difference between a macaw and a banjo?
One’s loud, obnoxious, and noisy. The other’s a bird.
What is the difference between inhaling laughing gas at the dentist and accidentally inhaling glass powder in a factory?
The pane in your stomach.
What is the difference between a big cat running a business and Bill Gates running a business?
Cheetahs never prosper.
What is the difference between the original Titanic’s design and if you were to design it for today’s connected way of living?
Nowadays it would be designed to sync.
What is the difference between a jester and a gesture?
People appreciate nice gestures.
What is the difference between breaking up with a traffic cone and breaking up with a speed bump?
You can get over a speed bump.
What is the difference between jumper cables and a pacifist?
A pacifist won’t start anything.
What is the difference between a PHD and a Masters?
A degree.
What is the difference between being addicted to smoking and being addicted to drinking brake fluid?
You can stop drinking brake fluid at anytime.
The punchline should have been: With brake fluid it's easier to stop.
What is the difference between your purse and your husband?
Someone might steal your purse.
What’s the difference between unlawful and illegal?
One is in violation of the law and the other is a sick bird.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What is the difference between drowning in the sea and drowning in varnish?
Drowning in varnish is a nice finish.
What is the difference between your car and your partner?
Your partner won’t drive you insane.
What’s the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
What’s the difference between a banjo player driving down the road and a frog driving down the road?
There’s a slight possibility the frog might be going to a gig.
What is the difference between a policeman and an alligator?
A policeman is not an investi-gator.
What is the difference between an Android and an Apple phone?
Android phones don’t come with an in-built shelf-life.
What is the difference between an otolaryngologist and an oncologist?
An oncologist is on-call.
What’s the difference between a good week and a great week?
If your spouse is away on business.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws ? Outlaws are wanted.
What's the difference between a circus and a brothel? One is a cunning bunch of stunts...
while in physical therapy doing something that i didn't think i could do my therapist: what is the difference between a terrorist and a physical therapist? you can negotiate with a terrorist.
This works best in a Scots accent… What's the difference between Frank Sinatra and Walt Disney? Frank sings and Walt disnae!
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches...
What's the difference between a toilet bowl and a tube? I don't know. So it was you!
What's the difference between a boxer and a man with a cold? One blows his nose and the other knows his blows.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws ? Outlaws are wanted.
What's the difference between a circus and a brothel? One is a cunning bunch of stunts...
while in physical therapy doing something that i didn't think i could do my therapist: what is the difference between a terrorist and a physical therapist? you can negotiate with a terrorist.
This works best in a Scots accent… What's the difference between Frank Sinatra and Walt Disney? Frank sings and Walt disnae!
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches...
What's the difference between a toilet bowl and a tube? I don't know. So it was you!
What's the difference between a boxer and a man with a cold? One blows his nose and the other knows his blows.
