Autocorrect is excellent for those in a rush or after having their mani freshly done. However, sometimes it can become an actual pain in the buttocks. Just one "correction" can change the entire meaning of the message and turn your cheeks red. Or turn it into a funny text that will make the receiver crack a smile. And this happens so often that the internet is flooded with these hilarious autocorrect fails.
However, autocorrect is not always to blame. There are multiple occasions when funny text messages may occur. Perhaps you texted the wrong number about a personal issue and got unsolicited advice from a stranger or sent your sincere condolences with a "LOL" attached at the end of the message, thinking it stood for "lots of love. Nonetheless, these funny messages, or more like comical mishaps, are usually harmless and turn into a good dose of laughter for both the sender and receiver. Whether silly or very much out-of-nowhere, these funny text jokes can cheer us up and boost us with a daily dose of Vitamin D.
Below, we've compiled a list of the funniest texts and most comical text jokes we could find, ranging from autocorrect fails to acronyms used wrong. Have you ever received random funny texts from your pals or even strangers? Let us know! Speaking of texts, there must be a pal or someone you know whose birthday is coming up shortly. Make sure to check out our collection of funny birthday messages for a witty happy birthday wish!
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A: Hey someone changed the name of all the contacts in my phone and I'm trying to figure out who everyone is.
B: What's my contact name?
A: Darth Vader, but who is this?
B: Luke... I'm your father.
A: Haha very funny. Now really who is this?
B: It's your father, Luke. I knew your name would entertain me one day.
The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones.
She texted: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
"The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today. Restaurant in peace."
"I saw a driver texting and driving. It made me so mad I threw my beer at him."
"My Wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked: "Does this make my butt look big?" I texted back: "Noo!" My phone autocorrected my response to: "Moo!" Please send help!"
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Mom: Ok, I will ask your sister.
Daughter: Dad there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door. Can you get rid of it?
Daughter: Please hurry, because I’m going to cry.
Daughter: Dad…
Daughter: Dad…
Dad: Dad is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.
Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.
Son: Why is that funny?
Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?
Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.
Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back.
A: Mom wants you to call her.
B: Who is this.
A: Andrea.
B: Wrong number and you got me in an unnecessary 30 min conversation with my mother so thank you for that.
A: I'm going to get a sandwich, be right back!
B: Ok.
B: The whole office is complaining, because I have tuna in my underwear.
A: Um. I can't exactly say I blame them.
B: I mean tuna in my tupperware.
A: I just laughed for 3 consecutive minutes.
Matt: Hey Dr. Park, this is Matt from the Vascular lab. I have an outpatient here with an external iliac occlusion with cold foot pin and numbness that started 3 days ago. What should I do with her?
Hannah: Hi, this is Hannah. I think you have the wrong number, but I Googled it and I’m pretty sure u need to put a stent in her left radial artery. Best of luck, Matt!
Matt: Sorry, wrong number Hannah. She ended up actually getting a stent. Took about 3 hours longer for trained medical professionals to figure out what took you 3 minutes.
Hannah: Yoooo, yall hiring?
Hey Hannah its Detroit Citizen, I have reoccurring shoulder pain. Everytime I use Dr Google to search for shoulder pain i end up with the bubonic plague, leprosy and it just gets worse. Please advise.... (For real tho some people mastery of google searching is amazing)
A: I am hungary.
B: Maybe you should czech the fridge.
A: I'm russian to the kitchen.
B: Is there any turkey?
A: We have some, but it's covered in greece.
B: Ew, there's norway I'd eat that!
Mom: Please stop changing the google logo so much.
Son: Mom i don't change the logo. Google changes it.
Mom: On my computer. You don't run the google?
Son: If I did I wouldn't be driving a 2004 ford.
A: Yea what up daddy.
B: I'm eating your mother out tonight at 7 so you have to find your own dinner.
A: Not sure how to respond to that. Uh, have fun?
B: I'm not eating her out, I'm eating her out.
A: Oh that clears it up.
"Between typos and autocorrect it's getting hard to post. One tiny mistake and your whole post is urined."
A: Can I call you later? Gotta run. Taking kids to see Satan.
B: Wow. I know they've been a handful this year, but that seems kinda harsh.
A: Haha, Santa! I'm laughing so hard.
Satan: "Have you been good this year?" Kid: "Um, no" Satan: "Nice going have some supplies for grilling"
A: How long till you get here?
B: God says 20 minutes.
A: I trust him.
A: Just in case though, what does GPS say?
B: I hate you...
A: Whatcha up tonight?
B: Not much. Hanging out with my pterodactyl.
A: You have a dinosaur? Cool!
B: Lol. I meant my parents.
B: They are pretty old though. But they can't fly.
Boy: Can’t wait to see you babe.
Girl: It’s Friday. I’m getting pregnant tonight!
Boy: Shouldn’t we talk first?
Girl: Oh my God! I wrote pringles and it autocorrected to pregnant.
Boy: I almost had a heart attack!
Plot twist: She's already pregnant, she's getting pickle flavored pringles...
Boy 1: How was the date?
Boy 2: Not quite. First date we went to dinner and then I killed her in the woods outside her house and left.
Boy 1: Killing her seems a bit harsh.
Boy 2: Kissed.
Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.
Mom: WTF!
Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?
Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.
A: Come on down, dinner is ready.
B: Be there in a min, I'm doing Lauren.
A: Who is Lauren?! If she is your girlfriend, she can have some dinner too.
A: Dad! I meant laundry.
A: Don't come home me and your mom are getting it on tonight.
B: Haha, gotta hate autocorrect right?
A: What do you mean?
B: You made a typo right... look at your last text.
A: No I did not make a typo.
A: Hi Jan, are you coming to the meeting at 4?
B: I'll be there!
A: Great. Please meet me in my office at 3:30 so we can have a brief cunnilingus beforehand.
B: Excuse me?
A: I have no words. I typed conference and my phone changed it. I'm so sorry.
B: Wow.
Boy: I miss you too.
Girl: Don’t think I’m weird, but I’m sleeping with that sh*t you left in the bathroom. It smells like you and it makes me feel better when you’re not here!
Boy: What?! If you’re trying to be cute or funny it’s not working.
Girl: Oh my God!!!! *Shirts*
A: I feel like carp today.
B: Yeah, you look a little fishy.
Two autocorrecting iPhones walk into a bear:
A: Bard*
B: BRA*
A: BOAR*
B: Jesus Christina Aguilera.
Mom: How make chicken.
Daughter: What?
Mom: Where buy chicken.
Daughter: Mom, this isn’t Google.
Mom: Avocado.
A: Did you finish loading the car up?
B: Almost. I ran out of space so I strapped your grandma to the roof. Cool?
B: Er, I mean guitar. Fail. Sorry.
A: Too bad. I'm sure grandma would have loved feeling the wind through her hair.
"As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold... I nodded knowingly. “It’s the early signs of typothermia.”"
"It’s ok if your phone autocorrects “F*ck” to “Duck”. You’re still using fowl language."
For the longest time my phone would do this. Finally it stopped. One day I was texting someone about roasting a duck and it was corrected to f*ck.
A: I left my dinner on the side too. Will you poo in the fridge when you get home?
B: Will I poo in the fridge???
A: Haha, pop it in the fridge!
A: What time are you leaving in the morning? I need you to look at my crotch, I have a knot with a tail and two strands of yarn coming out of the same end, big mess...
B: Grandma? I think you meant crochet...
"Dear Apple: please stop autocorrecting things like “he HAD gone camping” and “he HAS gone camping.” Spelling mistakes are one thing, but don’t assume you know what tents I wanted to use."
"Thanks to autocorrect, 1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas."
1 in 5 on the naughty list doesn't seem too bad. I would have thought that number to be higher.
"I believe autocorrect was invented by history's most famous scientist. Albeit Einstein would disagree."
Person 1: I dont like my life, I'm gonna do it.
Person 2: Don't.
Person 1: Don't try to stop me.
Person 2: I wasn't, I was correcting your spelling.
A: My morning was bad... and the rest of the day. This Morning I choked a goat and pissed in my coffee.
B: Lol!!
A: Lol no... I chocked on toast and spilled my coffee...
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “What can I get you?”
And the rabbit says, “I don’t know. I’m just here because of autocorrect.”
Real Middle-aged Texting.
Man: Fair maiden, wherest doth thou reside on this fair evening?
Woman: Good sir, I am trapped within the reside of mine parents.
Man: Oh, mine love, how I wish mineself were trapped in thine reside so I could bury my face deep within thine bossom.
Woman: Mine parents shall rest in the hour next. Upon that time, I shall make mine escape, and help you polish your sword.
Man: Mine sword shall stand in waiting for thine touch.
A: I’m gangster. I’m a straight up G, the hamster life is the life for me. Stupid autocorrect!!!
B: Been spendin’ most of their lives in the hamster paradise.
A: Don’t make fun of me
A: Hey do you mind if I keep my golf clubs in your cat?
B: I don't think they will fit. He's still a kitten.
A: I meant car. I love cats. That would be mean.
A: Korey, did you get that proposal ok? What are your thoughts?
B: Well I'm just not sure all the numbers look right.
A: Help me help you... to high? Or not the right products? What did your budget for the roof?
B: Well for starters, the phone number. This isn't Korey.
A: That was a fun game. Thanks...
A: Can you just listen to me?
B: What?!
A: I like you, ok? And I feel that something is missing in my hart.
B: I think it's an E.
A: Are you done painting Jason’s living room yet? What’s the color?
B: Just finished. It’s called period red.
A: Dude. No!
B: It’s called Persian red! I got autocorrected. Epic fail!
"I hate autocorrect. I'm always typing things I didn't Nintendo."
A: Why?
B: Are You a boy or girl?
A: I'm a grill.
B: What's your name?
A: George Foreman.
B: I thought u were a girl?
A: No, I'm a grill.
B: Oh.
A: Your mom and I are going to divorce next month.
B: What??? Why! Call me please?
A: I wrote Disney and this phone changed it. We are going to Disney.
A: What are your plans for today then?
B: Nothing beyond seeing you dead.
B: I mean Dear!
A: Wassup Queen.
B: Who is this?
A: Who else calls you queen? My fault wrong number.
B: Wait. I'll be your queen. Come back.
A: Did you get mom anything fun for your anniversary?
B: Nah I just bought her a Kardashian.
A: Haha which Kardashian did you buy her?
B: I just bought her a card, but phone did something weird.
A: Good. Kardashians are probably out of your budget anyway.
A: Everyone thinks you suck.
B: I think you have a wrong number.
A: James?
B: Nope. Andrew.
A: Well you probably suck too.
"In 2018 I've had a horrible relationship with autocorrect. But hey... New Year, New Mexico."
"The person who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear."
A: Be warned: I'm dumping you when I get home tonight.
B: Fine with me. I was just thinking we could use some time apart.
A: Lol Jenna. I got autocorrected. I meant to write jumping you not dumping you.
B: Well this is akward.
A: Your chicken Marsala was delicious. How do you make it.
B: Oh you like it? It's just dredged in flour and cooked in butter, and sprinkled with salt and freshly ground black people.
B: OMG! No ground black pepper.
A: Just watched the news. The weatherman says to prepare for flamingos this weekend.
B: Oh no! Anything but flamingos.
A: Ha! Flooding. This phone is so silly.
A: Hi Marc. Grandma is in heaven now.
B: She died? When?? What happened?
A: Sorry grandma is in hairmax hair salon sorry...
"You know you're texting too much when... you type ppl instead of people in a letter."
A: Can I get my pencil back? I have an exam in 30.
B: Yeah. I’ll get it out of my lover.
A: Haha. You and Dan are into some kinky stuff.
B: *Locker. Love it!
A: You want me to stash it for you.
B: Nah I don't know when I'll be up there next.
A: Well I can just get it for you and you can pay me back.
B: That'd be might white of you.
A: Your phone's kinda racist man...
B: *nice.
“Mighty white of you” is actually a saying, and I feel like he used autocorrect as an “out.” From Google: Originally used under colonialism and before civil rights, this phrase expressed appreciation for honorable or gracious behavior, under the assumption that white people were inherently more virtuous. Today, it is generally used sarcastically in reference to underwhelming acts of generosity.
A: Hey are you single?
B: I'm plural!
A: I meant are you free this friday night?!
B: No I'm freaking expensive everyday of the week!
A: Ugh... do you want to go out?
B: Oh sure why didn't you just say so!
Person 1: Hey Rachyl, do you remember me?
Person 2: Wrong number.
Person 1: What’s your number then?
A: Hi.
B: Hi.
A: Hi.
B: Well this is awkward.
A: How?
B: I feel like this relationship is moving too quickly for me.
A: Huh?
Brook: I’m going to get drunk and sleep on my dads body.
B: What??? Did you proofread the last sentence?
Brook: Omg! I’m crying! Boatttttt.
"Autocorrect has become my worst enema."
"My wife left me because of autocorrect. That's the last time she'll ever text me saying "Can you please bring home some milf from the supermarket?""
Can you imagine checking all the MILF's at the store so you get the one with the best "sell by" date?
Girl: Thank you again for an amazing first date.
Boy: Any time. When’s the second date? I can’t wait to see those big beautiful ni*ples of yours. Oh, No! I’m so sorry I meant dimples, my phone changed it.
A: I'm pretty sure you got the wrong number.
B: It is time to grow up Kaylee.
A: Well is it a stretch to imagine she didn't give you her number.
B: If you ever need me you have my number.
A: In order for you to heal your relationship with Kaylee you need to get the right number...
87 texts later and they still think "kaylee" is fycking with them 🤣🤣
A: When you get home and get the baby settled call me.
B: I thought you had the baby.
A: ????
A: How are you doing son?
B: Terrible, because of what you did to me.
B: I'm joking wrong number sorry.
"Anyone who thinks "talk is cheap"... obviously didn't pay my daughter's last mobile phone bill!"
Matt: Can you trim my moist acne.
B: ???
Matt: Moustache!
A: What's the difference between a piano, a tuna and a pot of glue?
B: I don't know.
A: You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
B: What about glue?
A: I knew you'd get stuck there.
B: Oh God!
"You know you're texting too much when... you say LOL in real life, instead of just laughing."
A: Sorry to call and rant. It is just really frustrating when Ryan doesn't communicate with me at all.
B: Wrong number, but Ryan sounds like a bad person.
A: He is Sorry...
B: Girl dump him.
A: Oh... I divorced him. We have a kid... so he will be in my life for a while.
"Whenever I'm with someone who is texting, I try to look away cuz I want to respect his privacy. Also, it's just none of my business if he wanna see Sophia and grab some dinner before going to see a movie this Thursday cuz they haven't seen each other in 3 weeks."
"The founder of autocorrect has died. May he resist in piece."
"Dear Autocorrect, that's not what I meant to say and I'm getting real tired of your shirt."
April: It’s so hot. You should open your po**hole for me this weekend.
April: Omg Nooooo.
A: Lol you know the times? Haha well, McDonkadonk is open 24 hours.
A: I mean McDonald's! Darn you autocorrect!
"You know you're texting too much when... you're happy when you get stopped at a red light."
"My girlfriend says she’s going to leave me, because I exaggerate things way too much. But what do I care? I literally have a million girls texting me daily."
Texting messages on the cell phone at 12 midnight...
- How are you baby?
- I am in bed and thinking about you… and you my dear?
- I am at a club… and sitting right behind you!!
Wife: Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to dead husband! Happy Birthday to you!
Husband: Thanks. I assume you meant “dear”.
Wife: Yes!!! I mean that is a crazy autocorrect! Sorry babe.
Woman: Babe I don’t feel like cooking. Can you bring home human beef?
Men: Human beef?
Woman: I’m laughing so hard.
Rena: You’re so fatter.
FARR***** it’s autocorrect!
A: Great news - grandma is hot tulips.
B: Okay??
A: I mean grandma is home from hospital...
Q: How did Emily break her finger?
Julian: Her finger got stuck in my butth*le.
Q: What????
"I hate autocorrect... It fan cuck right off."
Guy: I’m sorry. I hate when we fight cuz I really like you too and wanna be with you too and everytime we fight I feel like I’m gonna make u lose all the feelings u have for me and I don’t want that cuz I like when you like me back.
Girl: I love you too… but who are you?
"The inventor of autocorrect has died. His funnel is tomato."
A: In the 8th grade my best friend was a girl just like you with redbr***ts.
A: Oh!!! Red hair!
Unknown:
He: Hey, do you have a boyfriend?
She: Yes, who are you?
He: I'm your brother, just wait till I come home!
Another unknown:
He: Hey, do you have a boyfriend?
She: No!
He: I'm your boyfriend, you just broke my heart.
She: Sorry, I thought it was my brother!
He: Haha! I'm your brother! Let me reach the house.
A: I’ll be black in a minute
B: Huh!?
A: I meant back. Freaking autocorrect.
I got tongue tied one time and said that to my girlfriend as I was walking out the door. Her reply was "I'll be white here!"
Esme: you wanna go babdos? Babdos?
A: What?
Esme: Nandos!
"My heart sank when I received the text message "I am breaking up with you. It's over between us" from my partner. But "Sorry, wrong number baby" came afterwards. Whew, what a relief!"
A: Is this Alina?
B: Who is this?
A: Is this Alina though?
B: No I'm sorry, but for your valiant efforts in tracking down this Alina I reward you with an attractive lady holding an attractive guitar.
A: Watching Breaking Bad makes me think of you. I miss you. How've you been?
A: Angela?
B: I'm not Angela, but I can be if you want.
A: Yo Ice we hittin up the streets tonight or what man.
B: Who is this?
A: Delante ain't this Trey? Did Dwayne give me the wrong number again?
B: Yes he did...
A: Come on man. First my gold fish died and now this. This day gets worse and worse...
A: Sir, I am sorry but I think you got the wrong number. This is a brewery!
B: I Know!
A: He doesn't like the purple idea. Too dark.
B: Okay, what was wrong with the grey carpet?
A: Pizza does not like buffalo idea of berets.
B: What???
A: What I wanted to say was he doesn't like the whole idea of grey.
B: Haha!
A: You're not Jenna from the bar?
B: Sorry, not Jenna...
A: You a girl?
B: No. I'm a guy.
A: Damm I got played.
B: That's rough sorry buddy.
A: Do you know any 18 year old girls I could text?
Yeesh, can't imagine why Jenna gave this guy a fake number 😬 (sarcasm)
A: Hey Angelia... this is Bo from last night. You get everything taken care of this morning?
B: Hey Bo, yes I did. I actually found out a lot more than I should. You should probably get tested.
A: Tested?
B: Yes, I have herpes.
Girl: Hello do you have a gf??
Man: No, who are you darling?
Girl: M ur girlfriend Diana, hate u.
-Hello? Who is this?
-This is the sock store. How can I help you?
-Oh, I'm sorry I have the wrong number.
-No worries, just bring them here and we'll replace them right away.
A: I heard Beyoncé on the radio and it's made me laugh and think of you.
B: Why would that make you think of me.
A: Because you hate Beyoncé.
B: Who is this? I love Beyoncé.
A: Bridget?
A: What's up it's Peyton.
B: Peyton who? Do I know you?
A: I peed for you.
B: Lol you definitely have the wrong number then.
Boy: Marry me?
Girl: Do you have a house?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do you have a BMW car?
Boy: No..
Girl: How much is your salary?
Boy: No salary.. but..
Girl: No but. You have nothing. How can I marry you? Just leave me, please!!
Boy: I have one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferraris, 2 Porsches.. Why do I still needto buy BMW?! How can I get salary when actually I am the BOSS?
Girl : wanna get married ?
Boy: NO!
"Really frustrating when autocorrect comes up with a *completely* different word just because you typed one letter wrong. Someone told me there’s an easy fix. I just hope they’re Rihanna."
Him: I can neither eat nor drink ever since I met you last week!
Her: Why so?
Him: Because I'm broke.
Girl: Hi mom.
Mom: Nugged Emily.
Mom: Nugged.
Mom: Not nugged.
Mom: ????
Girl: You're a wreck.
Mom: Did you do this???
A: I can't believe how cheap green beans are.
B: Who is this? And what green beans?
A: Like from store.
B: What store? Who is this??
"Why can’t we get a smartphone, that can properly autocorrect in/on? It’s really starting to get in my nerves."
"The inventor of autocorrect died today. His funfair will be hello on sundial."
A: Hello, do you still have the silver mixer?
B: Sorry. Who is this?
A: Sorry wrong person.
B: It's okay. I'll be praying, that you find your silver mixer.
"He told me "No, it's too expensive." So I replied "It's not about money, it's about sending a message.""
I was going to say the same thing. I've read most of them before. Funny, but unoriginal.
Load More Replies...
I've had autocorrect change: "Catbox" to "autopsy", "Heron rookeries" to "heroin robberies", "Atrophy" to "assassin"
I was going to say the same thing. I've read most of them before. Funny, but unoriginal.
Load More Replies... I've had autocorrect change: "Catbox" to "autopsy", "Heron rookeries" to "heroin robberies", "Atrophy" to "assassin"
