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It's that time of the year again when skeletons come out of the closets, pumpkin sales go booming, and taking candy from strangers becomes socially acceptable.
Whether you are attending a Halloween shindig, DIYing your kid a costume, or taking advantage of candy sales, there's no better time to indulge in some Halloween jokes and ghostly humor than now.
When the days get shorter and evenings get darker, it's a grave idea to lighten the mood with some funny Halloween dad jokes! And if you are not a particular fan of horror films or ghost movies, don't worry! There's no need to be a phobophile to enjoy some skeleton jokes, as they are not scary or creepy. But surely hell-a punny and deadly contagious!
So while we Pandas bring ourselves some bamboo, get yourself a bag of candy corn and delight yourself in some corny humor with our collection of Halloween jokes (Plus Jokes for Kids).
Found a Halloween joke you will send to your ghoul friend? Let us know! And once you're done reading through these ghost jokes, check out our recent posts featuring even more scary jokes and morbid humor!
Dead-Funny Halloween Jokes (New 2025 Picks Added)
- My ghost friend loves karaoke — he’s all about the boo-gles.
- The witch opened a coffee cart: Hex-press only.
- Dracula’s calendar is wide open — he avoids all stake-holders’ meetings.
- My broom has flight mode; your vacuum only has suction.
- The cemetery started a podcast. It’s truly grave talk.
- A mummy’s favorite email? Re-wrap-ly all.
- Our pumpkins formed a union — they want better gourdening conditions.
- Werewolf yoga class was packed. Lots of downward-dog howls.
- The skeleton DJ dropped a bone-shaking beat.
- Ghost chef’s specialty? De-licious boo-illabaisse.
- Zombie joined a choir to work on his de-compo-sition.
- Witch accountant balances broom-books monthly.
- Vampire bought a ring light — says it’s for his bat channel.
- Jack-o’-lantern got promoted — outstanding in his patch.
- The haunted house now takes tap — pay with scare-less.
- My costume idea flopped — it needed more boo-strap funding.
- Werewolves hate email — too many spam-pires.
- Ghost gym added a new class: Apparition conditioning.
- Witch weather report: chance of spells, light broom gusts.
- Skeleton’s new phone plan? Unlimited roam-ing.
- Pumpkin went on a date — said it was gourd-geous.
- Dracula streams night games — he loves bat-tery saves.
- The cobweb café serves ara-macchiatos.
- Ghost took up chess — excellent at boo-tiful endings.
- Mummy influencer? Always posting #wrap-ups.
- Scarecrow’s playlist? Field-good hits.
- Witch coder fixed my bug — pure spell-check.
- Zombie bought cologne — it’s Eau de Mortem.
- Haunted library is booked solid.
- Skeleton does stand-up — killer funny bone.
- Vampire’s favorite board game? Don’t Wake Batty.
- Ghost’s car is silent — zero ex-boo-st.
- Pumpkin DJ? He knows how to squash the beat.
- Witch opened a spa: Boo-tox and broom-balancing.
- Werewolf’s calendar app? Full moon alerts only.
- Haunted Wi-Fi name: Pretty Fly for a Fright Guy.
- Ghost delivered flowers — boo-quets only.
- Dracula started fasting — dusk to dawn.
- My pumpkin reads mysteries — true pulp fiction.
- Skeleton won the marathon — no heavy baggage.
- Witch therapist: “Tell me where it all hex-gan.”
- Zombie’s garden grows organ-ic.
- Haunted bakery sells scream puffs.
- Vampire sports league? Count me in.
- Mummy’s vacation pics were wrapp-tivating.
- Ghost built a snowman — said it needed more boo-ton eyes.
- Witch DJ scratched the record — pure spell-vinyl.
- Werewolf’s ringtone? A-wooooo-tonement.
- Skeleton took a selfie — no filter, no flesh.
- Pumpkin’s resume is lit — stellar carved-entials.
- Ghost’s favorite snack? Boo-berries and scream.
- Dracula’s bedtime story? Fangtasy fiction.
- Witch courier? Broom-day delivery.
- Zombie life coach: “Small bites, big goals.”
- Haunted choir sings in e-boo-flat.
- Pumpkin comedian: “Thanks for coming — you’ve been a real patch!”
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#1
Not exactly a love bite
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
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#3
Wrapped up in bad predictions
How do mummies tell their future? They read their horror-scope.
#5
I guess they’re really good at hiding
How do you know you've been ghosted? The poltergeist doesn't text you back.
#8
Spooky beats with a twist
What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music.
#11
Nightmare fuel, but make it cozy
What do you call zombies in pajamas? The sleepwalking dead.
#12
I ain’t sharing my shampoo secrets
What brand of shampoo do zombies use? Head and Shoulders.
#13
Romance that bites back
What do you call a movie about zombies finding true love? A zom-com.
#15
Strong enough to stitch you up
Who's the scariest body builder of all time? Dr. Frankenstein.
#19
When Your Heart Just Isn’t In It
The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-pictures because his heart wasn't in it.
#20
Found my new Halloween squad goals
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
#22
Classic brain teaser, zero spelling bee skills
Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch? He couldn’t spell.
#24
Wart cures that missed the mark
What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts? I don't know, but it's not working.
#27
Ghosts with feelings? Boo-hoo for real.
How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo hooing.
#28
Friendship? Nah, they’re all wrapped up
Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
#29
Sweetest ancient mystery ever
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
#30
Cold medicine beats eternal coughing
Why did Dracula take cold medicine? Because he was coffin too much.
#33
Dead serious about that pun
Why can't skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs.
#35
Witch, please—watch the handle
What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry? She flew off the handle.
#37
Pumpkin’s worst nightmare revealed
Why was the jack-o'-lantern scared? Because it had no guts.
#39
Plot twist: snacks are on the side
Why don't zombies eat popcorn with their hands? They eat their hands separately.
#41
Rib-Tickling Humor Alert
I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very humerus.
#43
This pun slayed me
Why don't werewolves ever know the time? Because they're not whenwolves.
#45
Classic joke, but still hits different
Knock Knock? Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Don't cry, it's only Halloween.
#46
Guess he couldn’t ghost the bill
What happened to the man who didn't pay his exorcist? The house was repossessed.
#47
Plot twist from the undead playlist
Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? Because she had bad blood.
#50
Dead serious about safety
What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car? "Fasten your sheet-belts."
#51
Never saw Ryan like this before
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
#53
Spine-tingling night out vibes
Where does a skeleton go for a fun night? Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
#59
This joke just kicked me!
Why was Cinderella bad at football? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
#60
Plot twist: Pumpkin’s got street smarts
Why did the pumpkin take a detour? To avoid a seedy part of town.
#63
Classic pumpkin vibes only
What's a pumpkin's favorite Western? The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly.
#66
Brains and drizzles, please
What's a zombie's favorite weather? Cloudy, with a chance of brain.
#67
When your job is a grave matter
Why did the zombie become a mortician? To put food on the table.
#73
Plot twist: dentists love sugar too
What do dentists hand out at Halloween? Candy. It's good for business.
#74
Pumpkin’s streetwise sidekick
Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely? The crossing gourd.
#76
Ghosts That Really Bring It
Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders? They have a lot of spirit!
#79
Pumpkin Spice & Punchlines
Knock Knock? Who's there? Orange! Orange who? Orange you glad it's Halloween?
#80
This Joke Actually Rings True
Knock Knock? Who's there? Figs! Figs who? Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking!
#81
Trick or Treat, Who’s Talking?
Knock Knock? Who's there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you has my candy?
#82
Ghosts really know how to chill
Knock Knock? Who's there? Ice cream! Ice Cream who? Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
#84
Pointing out the obvious, but still funny
How do you know vampires love baseball? They turn into bats every night.
#85
Plot twist: dog’s got the bones now
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree? Because a dog was after his bones!
#86
I’m here for these bone jokes
What do skeletons fly around in? A scareplane or a skelecopter.
#89
Serve it with a side of spooky class
What type of plates do skeletons like to use? Bone china.
#90
Classic thirsty vampire move
What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue? "Let’s stop in for a cool one!"
#91
Plot twist: bones have deadlines too
The skeleton decided to bone up on the facts for the big exam.
#93
Skinny scares only, please
Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures
#95
Ghost caught lacking paperwork, classic
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
#96
Classic dad joke energy
Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
#97
Too Cool for School, Literally
Why did the ghost quit studying? Because he was too ghoul for school.
#98
Plot twist in aisle three
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing? "Get a broom!"
#99
Okay, but now I’m imagining haunted theaters.
What's a ghost's favorite play? Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
#101
Winning at life, no head required
Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.
#102
Classic vampire energy, honestly
Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
#103
Dracula’s secret commute revealed
How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
#104
Too dead to deal with it
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem.
#105
Plot twist: Jelly’s missing, not the doughnut
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
#106
Stakeholders? Hard pass.
Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers? They hate stakeholders.
#108
I see you’re ready to tidy up some bones!
What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
#109
Bones over spoilers any day
Why didn't the skeleton go to the scary movie? He didn't have the guts.
#110
Bone-chilling but clever
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow? A numb-skull.
#114
That explains the Halloween blisters
What do witches get when their shoes are too tight? Candy corns.
#116
Witch, Please—Identity Crisis
What's the problem with twin witches? You never know which witch is which.
#117
When life breaks your broomstick
How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked.
#120
Pumpkin Spice and All the Tea
Why was the gourd so gossipy? To give 'em pumpkin to talk about.
#122
Crosswalk’s finest veggie hero
Who helped the little pumpkin cross the road? The crossing gourd.
#124
Brain drain strikes again
Why did he jack-o-lantern fail out of school? Someone scooped his brains out.
#125
That’s one way to snack
What's a zombie's favorite treat? You might guess brain food, but it's actually eye candy.
#127
Dating advice from the undead
How do you know if a zombie likes someone? They ask for seconds.
#129
Well, That Escalated Squash-ly
I dropped my pumpkin yesterday. Jack-o-lantern? More like crack-o-lantern!
#130
Dark humor’s real MVP
How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know but you really shouldn't be in the dark with a cannibal.
#132
Guess who’s stealing your snacks
Knock Knock? Who's there? Iguana. Iguana who? Iguana eat all your candy.
#133
Classic dad joke energy
Knock Knock? Who's there? Phillip! Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy!
#134
This Joke Slayed Me
Knock Knock? Who's there? Eddie! Eddie who? Eddie body home? It's Halloween!
#135
I See What You Did There
What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred? Spooktacles.
#136
Vacationing with more boos than you bargained for
Where do ghosts go on holidays? The Boohamas.
#139
Parenting but make it spooky
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street? "Buckle your sheet belt!"
#140
When the chaos is funnier than scary
What goes "Ha-ha-ha-ha!" right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing? A monster laughing its head off!
#145
Dead serious about storytelling
Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story? Because there are so many plots there!
#146
Well, that’s one spooky pun
What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween? A night mare.
#147
Casually the most spirited squad
Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders? Because they have spirit.
#149
Dead inside but fancy
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
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