Dating in the 21st century is by no means easy. As a result, a lot of people are still single even though they would make a wonderful partner. But through various unfortunate twists of fate, it simply hasn’t worked out for them. At the same time, there are those out there who are single for a reason.
So someone asked “What is causing your friend to remain single that you don't have the heart to tell them?” and the people of the internet gave their brutally honest answers. So get comfortable, upvote your favorites, and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below.
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Anger issues. In men, this is a non-negotiable red flag for most women.
His standards are unrealistic. He’s a 4 or 5 on a good day but is only interested in women if they’re an 8 or higher. He’s also very overweight, but constantly points out women’s weight on dating apps and how it’s a deal breaker if they look to be anything above a US 5. I didn’t realize all of this was to such an extreme until myself and the rest of his friend’s wives sat down and went through dating profiles of different women who liked his profile just for him to continuously criticize their appearance for such mundane reasons. We were trying to give him advice on how to talk to women (per his request) and it became blatantly obvious to all of us why he was struggling. It completely changed my opinion of him.
Peter Pan syndrome.
My 58 yo friend is a super nice person, but refuses to grow up...he's still mentally 21. Tries to dress like kids in their 20s. Won't date women over 30. Still clubbin (yes, he calls it "clubbin", and yes he's the cringey "old guy at the club"). Goes to skate parks to "hang". Botox his face regularly and has that awful black hair dye job he does himself at home. And talks like a 13 yo, unironically (lots of "likes", and "whatevs", and "brahs").
It's ridiculously embarrassing, and any woman who even partially has her s**t together is completely turned off by him. And he doesn't see it, no matter how gently his friends try to tell him. He calls it being "young at heart". Says that's why he won't date women in his age range, because they don't know how to have fun🙄
In reality, he won't date women in his age range because they call him on his s**t. Younger women are easier for him to control and manipulate. His parents left him quite a bit of money and he simply doesn't understand that this is why 20 yo girls date him.
It's not his height. It's his obsession with it.
Her standards are excessively too high. She brings nothing to a relationship. She's a walking contradiction, all of which is why she is single.
I think it's great to have standards and high standards but hers is just a checklists of "wants".
I always wondered why she couldnt get a date because she is gorgeous, until I saw her flirting with someone. First night they met, flirted, swapped numbers. Then, immediately clingy. Talking in baby voice to him and making baby noises. He made a completely inoffensive comment which she found offensive, and threatened to slap him. Not shocking at all when he never called.
He's become a full-on incel. According to him, all "females" are going to cheat on him and use him for money (which he doesn't have). A lot of us have distanced ourselves from him because he can't stop himself when he rants that his brother (who he whines about being overweight and short) is engaged while he's still single. The man is 31 and still expects that he will meet a high income virgin who will "support him" so he can focus on his "business ideas" and have no problem having his kids while still working because he considers SAHMs as taking advantage of their husband's.
Don't you just love it when some guy wants a 'traditional' relationship but the woman still has to do paid work as well?
Got a now ex-friend (unrelated, that f****r betrayed me and nearly f****d my career over for no discernable reason) who was way into the Andrew Tate s**t. He wondered why he could never get a girl. We all pointed to the literal misogyny s**t - not the buzzwordy type, but like actual "women are inferior beings and you should treat them as such" s**t. Wouldn't have it. Who knew treating people like trash makes them avoid you like the plague?
I'm also the single friend, but I know exactly why. I don't put myself out there, and I much prefer the solitary lifestyle. It's stress-free outside of work, and I do everything for myself with no compromising or negotiating. People are stressful, even those you love - and I'm very easily stressed. Frankly, I've got a hell of a lot of soul-searching and self reflection to do before I drag someone else into my life.
There's nothing wrong with being single if that's your choice.
He’s 38, has never lived out of home, never had full time job. Can’t cook, can’t clean and it doesn’t matter cause mommy does all that stuff for him anyway. Unemployment goes on Pop Vinyl’s and video games and renting storage for his Pops because his room can’t hold them any more.
Thinks that any kind of representation is pandering, cause he’s racist, homophobic and ableist. Women who like what he likes are either unattractive or faking it, but he can’t date a woman who doesn’t watch anime or read comic books.
He’s got really good personal hygiene tho and puts his sheets out to be washed by Mum regularly.
My mate is gay but openly supports the Conservative Party, this is a turn off to most of the men he’s attracted to and ultimately his political stances stand in the way of him being happy.
I have a friend who constantly attaches herself to the worst men possible, gets treated like trash, and then reaches out to us for rescue. We tell her every time that the men she are seeing are horrible. Nice guys are always labeled as boring, or she finds an excuse not to be interested. "He has dinner with his mother 2-3 times a week. I'm not dating a momma's boy " But the guy who ditched her at a concert twice? He's alright. At this point, I'm convinced she just likes being rescued
She mistakes attraction for trauma response. There is a way out if she is willing to
He can't seem to let go of the idea that women in their 20s don't all want to date men in their 40s. Some do, that's cool, but his dating pool is very small and he is always so confused and mad by that. He just doesn't understand he's not a silver fox, he needs to give women closer to his age a chance.
Desperation. From laughing way too hard at mediocre jokes to bringing up marriage on the 1st date, she reeks of it. We have all tried talking to her about it to no avail. The sad thing is that if she was just her regular funny, smart, relaxed self then men would be falling over themselves trying to get her number.
He has a really strange and off-putting way of interacting with women he sees as a potential partner. I’m a woman too but just a friend and he’s very nice to me and treats me well, but as soon as it’s a woman who’s a romantic interest, he doesn’t treat them like a fellow person, he treats them as something to conquer, as if he was playing a game against them and he must win it. Obviously nobody is really interested in a man like that long-term. I tried gently telling him a few times but he never seemed to really understand what I meant.
He is just too catholic, he wants this perfect trophy girlfriend that has to be a virgin. The problem is that he also likes to drink too much alcohol and it’s always his way or no way. The girls that he meets are not interested in him, had boyfriends in the past, don’t like his lifestyle or ideologies of a relationship (he wants all the kids god provides).
I'd say that the problem here is the sh!tty man, not religion.
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"All the kids God provides." LOL. Best of luck in the 2023 dating scene, Altar Boy.
She is so lovely. So kind, so generous, and so beautiful. But her crippling lack of self esteem is so huge it's visible from space, and her anxiety (and I'm 99% sure her undiagnosed ADHD) means that when she's at all nervous she talks at 100 miles an hour in several directions at once. It's like being handed 8 happy Labrador puppies to try and hold in your arms. I so badly want her to be happy and feel fulfilled but even I find it tiring sometimes.
Brother-in-law, not friend. But he makes the same jokes about poop and farts all the time. Like, constantly. Yes, some women like potty-humor, but they usually also want it to be funny. He is also very negative; finds insult or something wrong with any situation.
I once had a friend who was 37, had a cr*ppy job, wasn’t attractive, had a mug shot easily found on google and was a bit weird. He would always cry about being lonely, but he refused to date anyone but super hot 21 year old sorority girls. He asked me to look at his dating profile to see why he wasn’t getting any messages back…and he only messaged probably the top 1% of attractive women on the site. One time, after hearing him complain about being lonely for the 1000th time I gently asked him why didn’t he try to date a woman his own age. He said he wasn’t attracted to girls his age. He was so shallow towards women, but expected for the women not to be shallow back.
The people they like aren’t real. They are idealized, cartoonish caricatures. Now my friend himself has a lot to offer imo, but he is looking for a person that doesn’t exist. Hard to find something that’s not there.
The type of guys she claims she likes isn't what she's actually attracted to.
She keeps saying how much she loves shy introverted sensitive guys but when she finds one and dates him suddenly "he's not outgoing enough, doesn't speak his mind enough, and is too shy!"
I kind of think she has this "I can fix him" syndrome and doesn't really acknowledge it. Like, she's attracted to the idea of a typical shy guy but thinks once they're in a relationship they'll suddenly be more open and turn into the guy she actually wants. That's not how it works!
She’s really overdue for growing up and learning to self reflect. She really needs to finally grow and allow herself to change.
She’s pretty, shes funny, she’s a great time to go out with. Never a dull moment.
She’s also not changed much at all since we were teens. She is a mess. Doesn’t clean, doesn’t cook, can’t hold down a job, paycheck to paycheck, prioritizes a good time over everything else, extremely unstable overall. No accountability for how her actions effect her own life and especially the lives of others. Somehow still has high expectations of her potential partners, but she doesn’t bring much to the table and doesn’t seem to ever hold herself to the same standards or “rules”.
Sometimes you really do need to slow down and get a grip on your mental health and your life in general first before actively seeking out relationships. I’ve watched her wreck so many people that had good intentions for her without ever even recognizing how she hurt them.
Personality disorders need feedback if they're ever going to grow up or end up alone
He lies to himself about almost everything. He lives in fantasy land. He thinks he's in the gym five days a week, eats great, climbs mountains, goes camping, makes loads of money. Reality - pub five days a week, over eats like sh*te, went on one hike in January, can't hold a job and lives paycheck to paycheck.... If you were to confront him with this reality it wouldn't even get through to him.
The thing is, I have told him. Repeatedly. Over more then 20 years. He wants a perfect 10 and will dismiss anyone who isn't his ideal. Even if he does start dating someone, within a few months he'll find some nit picky reason to break up with them. Like one time he broke up with a woman because she had a tattoo she never told him about. Because if she wasn't up front about having a tattoo, what other things could she be lying about??? He tried to tell me once that he can't seem to get women to understand that he's not looking for a hookup, he's looking for a wife. I laughed and said "you're in your 40s and going to clubs trying to pick up 21 year olds. You are not looking for a wife." He self sabotages so much and even when you point it out to him, he stares at you like he doesn't comprehend. It makes me sad because he really is a good guy and a great loyal friend, but there is something in him that will not allow him to just let go of this fantasy.
Someone can be a great friend but a terrible partner, they are not mutually exclusive
Instead of communicating, she has a short temper and throws a passive aggressive attitude when someone disagrees with her. It could be the most minor issue and she needs to make sure her voice is the most dominant in the conversation. As her friend, I try to keep my opinions neutral and felt like I’ve walked on eggshells with her for close to a decade. She was never problematic to me until recently when she has shown me a side to her that I think led to her recent break up and why she has issues with men long term. I think deep down inside she’s very self-centered and very influenced by the videos she watches on TikTok and IG about how a man should know how to love you and take care of you naturally. Her standards are unrealistic and it’s hard to listen to her perspective of what a man/relationship should be like nowadays.
My wife's friend is a 50 year old virgin, constantly sad about not being able to find anyone. She is a fun person, good energy, not terribly unattractive in the face. But she is overweight (has medical condition that makes it harder to lose weight). She is only interested in physically fit, "manly" men, which don't want anything to do with her. She claims she wants a fit man because being with a fit guy will make her lose weight and get fit. She will not lower her standards at all. She says that dating apps suck cause she only seems to match with guys that work in IT (even though several of her friends have long, successful marriages to IT guys), so I guess they aren't "manly" enough for her either.
If she chooses to lose weight and get fitter, she needs to do this for herself, not expect a partner to be her personal trainer!
For my husband’s friend it’s the selfish arrogance. I want what I want, and the subtext was that he never cared about what his girlfriend wanted. He would only go places he wanted to go, which never included her friends or family. He wanted to spend all his money on “collectables” related to scifi movies, DVD’s, figurines etc. Engagement rings were a waste of money, investing, or buying a house ditto, no compromises were possible, he said NO, and no discussions were entertained. His opinion on every topic was the correct one, and he was not interested in your opinion, or listening to extra facts he did not know that might change his mind.
He was once young and good looking, and he thought he could find someone else when she walked when he was 32. They had dated for close to a decade. During the relationship he had started to stack on the weight and losing his hair and he was not able to find a replacement. Now he is 49, and hasn’t had a girlfriend since. He still has not bought a house and they cost double what they did when they were dating, and his rent has tripled. He does have a copy of all his favourite movies on every format, VHS, DVD AND BlueRay, a whole bedroom is dedicated to storing them, if you can get in there. His house is a hoarders paradise. He says the reason no one wants him is because he is fat and bald, and it does not help, but it’s not the major turnoff.
I found the heart to tell my friend and it was a HUGE mistake. But they kept asking and I thought it was safe to say the truth. My friend is incredibly smart, beautiful, has tons of hobbies, is well traveled, is generous with time and money. Her downfall is she complains about everything! She cannot drive 10 minutes down the road without complaining about drivers, the road, what pedestrians are wearing, that the sky is too blue. It’s exhausting to be around, and I’m 100% sure it’s what keeps her single. Anyways her response was she would rather hear it was her looks than be attacked on her personality. So yeah.
He's a misogynist looking for a edgy women, while being unable to deal with his mommy-issue. Unable to understand that his attitude toward women drives them away the instant he talks openly to them.
She’s a beautiful girl, like seriously one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in real life, but she needs CONSTANT validation. No man on the planet can give her the validation she requires.
She needs validation that she is more then her looks. She needs to know she is valued for her personality. Maybe she asks if she looks good, because that is the thing that stands out most maybe, the "default best quality" she has. Do they like her for her looks, or for who she is. So pretty people can be very insecure as well.
She thinks life is a Taylor Swift song. Also she needs to understand that she can’t expect guys she likes to notice her and talk to her first. She’s like “if he doesn’t talk to me first then it’s because he’s not the right one”, like girl, he doesn’t even know you exist!
Cousin actually. She has a revolving door of short-term boyfriends, each and every one of them is "the one" initially, she introduces him to her kids really early on, posts tons of pictures of their date...like every step of their date, then starts to expect them to help with her house and side job (selling crocheted items). And she'll complain to Facebook if they don't drop everything to help her. And when they dump her, they're the problem.
Tell her these guys probably feel like they're another one of her projects. Sounds like it.
He keeps dating the crazy women.
Like the kind that key your car if you haven't texted them within the hour.
Sounds like he might need some help recognising the red flags of domestic abuse.
Not my friend, but my boyfriend’s cousin. He’s always asking my boyfriend how he managed to get me, because I guess he thinks I’m out of my boyfriend’s league (I disagree). Boyfriend never knows how to answer this question and just tells him he’s nice to me and we get along. His cousin is convinced that this can’t be true and there must be cheat codes because there’s no way (in his eyes) I would date my boyfriend.
Cousin is actually quite a handsome guy, but it’s his freaking personality that’s driving women away. My boyfriend told me he matches with beautiful women on Tinder all the time and has gone on quite a few dates but they never go anywhere. He insists on using the same handful of “hilarious” pick-up likes (“is your dad a boxer because you’re a knock-out” is his personal favourite), juvenile “dark humour” that would make even a 14-year-old edgelord cringe, goes on long tangents about crypto and all his latest get-rich-quick schemes and just generally acts like these women should be grateful to be on a date with a stud like him.
Unsurprisingly, he gets ghosted a lot and can’t understand why. Sometimes the women do send him a polite text saying he’s a great guy but she just didn’t feel a connection and wishes him well, and he blows up at them and tells them they’ve wasted his time. My boyfriend tries a softly-softly approach to getting him to see the error of his ways, and it doesn’t work. I’m sick of hearing him whine that he’s the only one of his friends without a girlfriend. It’s entirely his own fault
Great nice guy. But he still lives with his mom, massively overweight, health in major decline. He won't take care of himself and is clearly looking for someone to save him. Most women don't mind a bit of a fixer upper but he's put zero effort into getting help for himself. You gotta do some of the work too.
Might come as a shocker to some people, but maybe he doesn't want/need to be helped/saved? Is his health objectively in decline, or is it a case of "he's fat so of course he's unhealthy"? Some people just can't fathom the fact that a fat person doesn't have to live in permanent misery and they can be okay with their body.
Keeps complaining that the people he dates aren’t “grown up” enough (in his late 30s) but continues to exclusively date 23 year olds from Grindr.
Her terrible, terrible children. It’s why her husband walked out in her in the first place, it’s why we hardly ever hang out anymore, they are truly f*****g awful.
she tries to parent them, but they’ve worn her out, and it shows; when she doesn’t have them she comes alive like the entire program just switched from sepia to technicolor.
but you can’t tell a mother that her children are *awful*.
Her husband walked out on his worn out wife because their kids are awful? - seriously, the kids need to go live with dad, sounds as though they all deserve each other.
Best friend for years but he is so hopelessly in love and devoted to this woman who has made it clear she just wants to be friends, with no romantic feelings then she turns around and does just enough to get him to stay around, give him false hope, & her to be wrapped around his finger again.
these kind of "friendzone" relationships are so said where one person is madly in love and the other person just uses them and keeps them around for whatever selfish reasons.
Overly loud and party boyish at age 45.
This IS a Taylor Swift sing: And I can see you years from now in a bar Talking over a football game With that same big loud opinion But nobody's listening Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing But all you are is mean
He is needy and clingy. Also, he moves around a lot and has been in college for the last 15 years. There is a lot going on.
Her life revolves around helping her parents, whom she still lives with and who do not need her help. Her hobbies include that and obsessing over her very ordinary cats. Mostly hangs out with her mother's friends. If I were a guy, I'd be scared to become part of her life.
He keeps hanging on to the past and spending all his time hanging out with ex girlfriends who are unavailable, or women who like him but he doesn’t romantically like.
Sounds like he's deliberately avoiding anyone who's romantically available so maybe unconsciously he's not ready for a relationship.
Work and study too much, with no time left to date or to care for the partner (we’re all medical students). It’s tough to tell anyone that pursuing their dream unfortunately means they may have to make peace with romantic loneliness for now.
Im and introvert and doctor. I never thought I'll find a man, because I don't talk to people or socialise. And I hardly got any time for fun while I was in medical school due to studies. Luckily, I met another introvert medical student who doesn't socialise. And now we are happy introvert family, going strong for 10 years. So, introvert medical students, don't lose hope
He is a really nice guy but he is really exhausting. Everything is totally over the top! If he met someone he is total freaking in love...and after a few dates...not anymore. I told him he should go for the women who doesnt make him crazy in love but more like chill in love Ah and he can not shut up! Never!
Sounds like some strong ADHD. No judgement, I gave ADD and I'm just recognising some things that people with hyperactivity has issues with. Or you know. Could be hypomania.
That despite becoming a multi-millionaire through stocks and crypto, he needs to work on himself.
Lack of hygiene and indulging in hedonistic use of substances (alcohol, vapes) can be tolerated for so long and to a certain level. Came to visit me and he left a stain on my bed from his sweat that resembled more a brown body chalk line from a murder. Same trip, dude would buy multiple vapes in a single purchase since every couple minutes he was huffing and puffing them.
Other part is actually reducing the amount of toxicity in his life in regards to people, family and the women he is interested in. Large amounts of his time, money but more importantly his mental health have been invested in his end only to be treated poorly.
Every time he's visited he's said a version of, "Dude, I want this some day.", referring to my peaceful home, amazing partner, loving pets and all the other investments I've put into my place to make it comfortable and enjoyable. My response has always been to do it, make it happen since nothing is holding him back but himself. Especially since outside my wife and pets, everything in my home was acquired over years and material goods were bought on sales (poor in the beginning, still cheap now).
I want him to be happy in whatever way he can be, sucks to see him like this.
I try to mention this issues in the most tactful way outside of being brutal because I believe people shouldn't have to be told what to do in their personal lives.
I love him but f**k he loves toxicity and poisons.
He can't seem to understand that when he approaches girls, they don't want to hear about hunting, knives, and how he is very knowledgeable on how to kill things.
This is my axe room, my sword room is next-door, and a little further down is my collection of knives and daggers.
Lack of interests.
He just is a boring person. He does some things that he started to so when he was a kid. But just because it is something regular. Like playing tennis with his dad once a week. There is no development and you cannot get him to do anything he's not used to. Really anything. He has no stories to tell and basically no life. There is no way to connect to him and I am losing connection just because we cannot exchange about new things and we talked about the old stuff for 20+ years now. He's just a kid getting older.
I would guess there is a lot of fear in his life. He is safe and familiar with the way things are, anything new is hard and scary. I say this because I have this problem.
She has a long, long way to go in therapy before she'll be able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship. If I did mention it, I'd be "attacking" her and "gaslighting," so I'll let her work on her more pressing mental health issues for now.
She thinks she is the best catch (education, height, natural beauty, job and her own money) however there is nothing attractive about her and her personality: she doesn’t dress up/ spend on herself, talks highly about herself and her career, judges others (not just men but her own friends) on what they earn or how much money they have
Friend of mine can’t understand why he can’t get a girlfriend and it’s largely down the fact that he’s a miser who would starve himself for a penny despite several very large income sources. His house has no carpets - just a couple of cheap rugs you constantly trip over and looks like a student squat. He dresses in the same clothes he’s owned for the last 30 years and refuses to switch his central heating on. No one is going to put up with that level of meanness. It’s a shame but no one can tell him anything. A classic case of someone who was a high achiever scholastically but is completely out of his depth when dealing with emotional or social situations. Good exam results and wisdom/life skills are 2 very different things.
Have a friend that could *literally* be a model. She's so damn pretty she has a crazy high social media following simply because she's that good looking, I'm talking hundreds of thousands of followers on any given platform (IG, TikTok, Twitter/X, you name it), and thousands of comments on everything she does... and she doesn't even try. If she put in effort to promote herself she probably could be famous.
Then I saw her dating profile, and while I won't quote it verbatim, I will hit the major points:
* She posted one pic then put her IG handle, telling people to follow her on there to talk to her or see more pics (I know this is divisive, but I hate this practice. To me it's lazy as f**k and entitled as hell).
* Just about every other spot that could be a picture was just screenshots of notes listing out everything you either had to be or couldn't do to be worthy. Some of my favorites include:
* Must be over 6 feet tall (she's 5'3")
* Cannot be Latin, Asian, Middle Eastern or Indian. Must be white, but tan, or black only.
* She had a list of names that you couldn't have (which included my own name, kind of made me laugh tbh)
* To use her words, "You hafta be a member of the Double Digit Club". Meaning d**k has to be *at least* 10 inches long.
* Must make over 100K USD per year after taxes (she specified the taxes part in the list)
* Cannot have any kids (she has 2)
* Cannot play video games, watch anime, read comic books... basically she had a bunch of things that amounted to "don't do nerdy s**t".
* The one other picture that wasn't a list of s**t was [this image](https://i.imgflip.com/3dsfjq.jpg) captioned with the phrase, "Life Goals".
Part of me wants to tell her to try and take her down a peg and get her to understand her own delusion is the problem (and the casual racism thrown in definitely doesn't help). Another part of me recognizes that she totally *could* get a guy that meets all her criteria, so it's not as if she's being so delusional that she's striving for something she couldn't obtain... so I know bringing it up is just going to sound kind of silly. Part of me also knows that bringing it up will drive me to ask why my name is on her "You can't have this name" list, and I don't know if that's a conversation I want to have with her.
What is with the hate about anime and video games. Sometimes people need an outlet to let off steam. I'm 35F and love anime, the story arcs are so much better than many live action series. Many can also capture a lot of difficult emotional topics in a unique way like child abuse, depression, disability and grief. Just because something is animated, doesn't make it childish or nerdy.
I have 2: tho one of them is my older sister
1st one: The guy is frankly too stubborn, and refuses to listen. They also don’t make good conversation and have no aspirations to do anything at all.
2nd one is my older sister. Absolute sweetheart, brilliant, and kind… but almost to a fault. She’s too much of a pushover. And she’s also a huge clinger-calling and texting to the point of annoyance, and will legitimately get mad if you don’t respond within 2 seconds. Also she requires a.. lot.. of validation.
Horrid halitosis. It actually has been brought up before, but he never does anything about it
Edit: I’m fairly certain that he has gingivitis. His gums are blood red and bleed easily. I’ve told him he probably has gum disease, but he insisted that he has someone in the family who’s a dentist and told him he doesn’t have it
He is so judgemental and lacks any sort of compassion or empathy. He sees the world in black and white only. Can’t imagine how difficult he is to date
Going to a women-only prayer group every Saturday night to pray for a husband is a ridiculous waste of time. Want to get married? Go out and date.
Yes! Churches are wonderful places to meet Likeminded people but you have to try. Going to a normal Bible study with guys and girls would be a good start.
I've known a lot of guys in my life that don't talk to women like they're human beings. It's absolutely bizarre. I'll be having a normal conversation with the guy, and then a women approaches and enters the conversation. Suddenly, the guy is sucking in their gut, puffing out their chest, and saying the whackest, weirdest, fakest s**t. Its like they think that a woman is basically a thing to trick into some kind of attraction.
It implies that they think of women as stupid/oblivious people that need to be manipulated into a relationship. Obviously, the women pick up on this immediate red flag and bail almost instantly.
She is looking for a man to take care of her… but she is a 34 woman with a kid, she needs to learn to take care of herself (and her kid) before she ends up with a well to do narcissist and something bad happens.
Talking only about himself. All. The. F*****g. Time.
Actually this person isn't really my friend, for this exact reason...
He's still working through the death of his fiancee. She died in a car accident and he's been trying to date again, but it'll take a really special woman who's confident enough to not feel like she's constantly competing with a perfect ghost when he wears their rings on a necklace and she's his phone background.
I'm sure eventually he'll figure it out when he's had more time, but how do you tell someone they need to move on from something like that if they want to find someone new because no one wants to be second place for the rest of their life?
I'll never tell him unless he asks me directly how I'd feel in the position of someone dating him. Someday he'll be healed enough and he'll find what he needs
Everyone grieves differently. It took me a while after my husband died. But I did move on from that space that was primarily wistful and full of an aching longing. I came to feel grateful to have known him, and loved him and be loved by him. Before I met him, I had just about given up on finding love. After he died I felt myself full of belief. Love was possible for me. I found it once, I could find it again! And I did. We have been together for 22 years.
They don’t know how to commit to anything, including a job. It almost feels like a “it’ll happen when it happens” type of ideology and so they don’t even try to make things happen? They act like things will happen on their own? So they’ll meet a person and then that’s it. Meet cute dead in the water.
Sounds like depression and anhedonia - something I can relate to a bit too well...
He is cute...it sounds weird but its his catch (and I have confirmed it with many people who know him, including my GF, my parents and his other friends)
What it comes down to is this:
You see him and get an involuntary "Naaaaaaaaaw" reaction. The same you get, when you see a puppy or a kitten. Everybody instantly adopts him and wants to be friends with him...just nothing more.
I have three friends in this situation, unfortunately. For context, they're all in their mid-thirties.
Friend #1 is a very smart, well-employed girl who is fairly successful in her career. Her issue is that she's got this immature, overly materialistic "guy should treat me like a princess and buy me stuff" mindset, along with a good bit of narcissism and no focus on wanting to build a life with someone. She's basically hit the wall for the type of men she wants and predictably, her relationships don't last much longer than a few months at best, usually with drama.
Friend #2 is a smart, hardworking guy with a great career. He very much wants to be married and settle down and is an overall standup guy. However, he was his heart on his sleeve and has an overeager personality which comes off as incredibly desperate. Combined with a steady stream of complaining, there's a ton of negative energy that can get tiring fast.
Friend #3 has had a rough go mental health wise for the last decade from both personal and professional reasons. His confidence is completely shot and his demons tend to take hold at times. He's working on addressing these issues though which is awesome. It will be a long road of recovery for him but his support network (which includes our friends group) will help him get there.
My friend just goes after toxic guys that only want a quick f**k and her body, not like real relationship. All the fricking time. Litterally yesterday told me she met a guy and I verbally said “ oh no, not again, “ because I know the people she goes after ARENT THERE FOR HER!! 💔 just breaks my heart and just needed to rant sorry 💀💀
He was an attractive, charming, and talented man in his 40s who only dated online. He got a good number of matches; they just never stuck around. He'd often complain on Facebook about how women on eHarmony only talked to him for a day or two before suddenly saying they didn't want to talk anymore or going radio silent. It was to the point that about two-thirds of his Facebook posts were complaints, mostly about dating; the rest were music-related. I'm willing to bet money that many of these women googled him — like you're supposed to when online dating — found all of his b**ching, and ran away. God knows I would if I came across that. He'd post articles about the positives of online dating and then complain about how they were wrong, the specific women he dated, his job, his coworkers, etc. Basically, he used Facebook like Reddit, except Facebook isn't anonymous.
He's self-destructive. He's a good guy, but he constantly makes bad decisions for himself, like drinking too much, not sleeping, maintaining a poor diet, not listening to anyone who wants to help him, not taking care of himself when he's ill. All his girlfriends couldn't handle being with someone who doesn't take care of himself.
He’s painfully inflexible and serious. He likes three things in life and that’s it. Those three things are auto racing, college football, and sometimes video games. He’s also super intelligent and although he means well he often comes across as condescending.
Trust issues and the absolute lack of understanding how to handle women’s attention. The man got burned by an ex of 6 years and since has lost his ability to be himself around women, and constantly destroys his own social reputation with misconstrued reactions and gestures that is off-putting.
She's scared of trying. I wanted to date her at one point but that would have never worked in the long run, partially because she's constantly trying to put things off until the stars align and everything is just right. I'm not supposed to know but she recently got into dating sites and found a guy that she's interested in and they've been texting for a few weeks but have never had a phone call and everytime the guy tries to set up an in person date she gives an excuse as to why they shouldn't yet. She's her own worst enemy and while I love her to death she's gonna be alone for a while until she can learn to fail
She cannot be anywhere close to on time. We’ll set up a game night, and we usually tell her to get there an hour or two before we actually want to start. She still gets there after that. Punctuality seems to completely evade her. Somehow, she makes it to work as a pre-k teacher on time, but never a social engagement.
They talk WAY too much. Even during texting my friend is sending paragraphs to women he just met.
Every new boyfriend is the baby’s new “daddy”….. for a few months.
Then she cheats on them with older men at her plant job, practically brags about it to my sister; then wonders why nobody has anything to do with her daughter (which pisses me off the most because she’s so precious) but her mom’s absolutely deranged when it comes to her love life.
Doesn’t help the men she f***s typically are married w/ teenage children & the wives usually try to beat her a*s afterwards😑
Literally have no hope for her.
He’s too nice to close and he feels the need to fill silence with awkward small talk. Great job, decent looking dude, in great shape… just…
Every girl says the same thing: “Doug? He’s the sweetest! He’s definitely going to find someone who will treat him right!”. It’s just that they want that someone to be a girl that’s not them.
Friend of a friend. Dude is so self-depricating, like he makes "I'm such a loser" jokes so often that it just becomes uncomfortable.
Also my god, he does not know how to have a conversation. He kind of just talks at you instead of talking with you, and it's always just the same things over and over and over again.
Listen man, I like FNAF as much as the next person, but we've hung out 10 times and that's all you ever talk about, take a hint.
The emotions also just aren't there, if you tell him that you're upset about something he just tried to change the subject instead of even asking you if you're okay.
He's also a massive simp. Dude really disliked anime right? Thought it was dumb. But then suddenly when the girl he had a crush on mentioned that she liked anime, suddenly he's into the stuff.
I bet this person was emotionally neglected growing up. He was constantly berated for failing and never praised for trying. A parent constantly called him a loser so the voice in his head calls him that, too. He was never encouraged/allowed to socialize with his peers, so never developed diverse interests or communication skills. To seem like a "normal" person, he pretends to be interested in what they are interested in out of fear of being rejected/made fun of for not liking it.
I want to blame his girl "best friend" he claims to not be stuck on, but my man goes out of his way for her. My man is so deep in the friend zone it would take King Arthur to pull him out. He's gone on dates, but they never really make it further than 1 or 2. He's a good dude, good personality, successful and funny.
His self-fulfilling prophecy is f**king up his life. He's not unlovable or ugly or uncared for — but walking through the world expecting rejection at all turns and living in a fog of negativity makes him unattractive. So-and-so isn't hotter than you; that's not the reason they're getting more friends and lovers. It's because they are more positive and interested than you, and people are attracted to that company.
She only wants people with her exact interests that she finds on dating apps. They never live close - so it’s always honeymoon phase immediately and she spends loads of time and money traveling to them. They never seem to put in a fraction of the effort she does. I wish she’d let them put forward the effort.
Insecurity. I'm a firm believer in “you can’t love anyone until you learn to love yourself”.
Not true at all. I love my siblings so much that I'd sacrifice anything for them, but I hate myself.
He has terrible bad breath.
If that's the only thing that seems to be holding him back then his closest friend needs to have a quiet word.
Velcro
Velcro shoes, Velcro wallet
They are hook and loop fastener mad and the noise seems to drive partners away
Can you imagine THAT being the thing? The thing that destroys relationships? Ugh... too much velcro! Hilarious. I honestly love it.
My friend is too "nice guy" but it seriously comes off as a neck beard vibe. Ive seen the conversations he has on tinder with chicks and I know id be turning him down too.
It makes me sad, he's such a catch and super attractive but no one gives him a go after a conversation because of the nice guy thing.
I don't really know how to explain it, its just neck beardy and cring. He's not like that in person but no one ever gives him the chance to show it.
Brother in law, not friend: he’s too socially awkward and needs to relax. He sometimes comes off as a creep too. Take a deep breath, relax & ask relevant questions.
"so jim how are you?" .... "never count your chickens before they hatch"....."great talk jim..."
He’s just not great socially. He’s autistic, so he can’t help it. But if people still ghost him after he asks about a date when he’s in his thirties, something is up
Penpal sites are greatly overlooked. Have your friend try them. Way less high octane, as it were.
His hobbies are just not social. He is a bit weird, but I think there is some woman out there that fits him. But his hobbies are mainly running, gaming, painting and watching TV. These things can be social if you want, but he chooses to interact with the niches that are not. For example he only plays single player settlement building games. Only ever paints at home. Additionally, he works at a male dominated place.
Guy that works for me often talking about wanting to get married and have a family. Loves kids. But doesn't date. Ever. Vacations with his family, occasionally gets together with buddies from high school (he's in mid 30's). Lives along , plays video games and goes to gym. Don't know which gender he would prefer to day, but he isn't doing anything to put himself out there to meet people. He's a super nice guy, good looking, always dresses nice and takes care of himself. But unless someone falls from the sky and lands on his head, I'm afraid he won't find someone.
Couldn't read these..however...the title says "friends say" ......and I call BS because saying sh¡t on the internet about others is not afriend move.
Agree!! That's stuff you say between you and your friend if it's needed. Not to strangers to get laughs and attention
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One of my friends has this problem. She does currently have a partner but it took her a while to get one because she's attracted to every guy she sees. Men found it off putting because she couldn't help but hit on other guys. I think she's changed a lot now though, I hardly ever see her anymore
Personality matters, a lot. I worked with a truly beautiful man. Ladies at work called him Mr GQ. I am not kidding, he was perhaps the most attractive person I’ve ever met. On paper he was also a catch he had a master’s degree with a solid family and upbringing. This gorgeous man was single, his personality just did not match. He didn’t understand humor or sarcasm, if he didn’t read it in a textbook he didn’t know it, basic world history and current events were lost to him. He wasn’t stupid, but he was…. It was weird? His famous quote to me, that I have never forgotten was, “Getting first dates is easy, second ones not so much.” Eye candy is only so alluring, PERSONALITY MATTERS PEOPLE.
I actually dated a guy like that! He was a good employee, good with his parents, good job and career. And VERY handsome and fit. First red flag came early when he said he had never had a relationship (he was 37!). After one date I figured out why. Omfg, he was misogynistic, arrogant, patronising, know-it-all. I thought "ok, maybe he doesn't know better. I can try to show him a different path". Nope. I was left feeling angry and minimzed after every date. I baptised him chapGPT: he knew everything but whatever he didn't know he would fill it in with whatever stupid idea he could find in his brain and believed it was true. No proof could change his mind. I never met anyone like that. I quit after some dates BUT did tell him why. His answer: I know I am *put adjectives here* but I did an effort not to show you that so you shouldn't feel that way about me. I ran as fast as I could. No regrets. This was quite some years ago. He's still single.
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Unless you're a proctologist doing a self exam. 😂😂
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I know this gorgeous girl, very sweet and a lot of fun to be around. But with the most unrealistic standards in men. Like she wants the whole knight in shining armour/romcom movie star. She's 40 looks and acts like she's 20, dresses like it's 2003. I feel bad, wish someone could sit her down and just talk it out with her.
My brother, who is 38, is a hard-core Russian Orthodox Christian. He didn't always used to be, but some switch flipped in him several years ago. He wants to find a nice woman to "court" and then marry and have as many kids as God wants them to have. He also wants to live off the land and be 100% self-sufficient. He's a really good guy. He's extremely thoughtful of others. Right now, he temporarily moved in with a man from his church who is dying of cancer so he can take care of him as his family is too far away. He really could easily find a nice woman, if only he didn't have such extreme views.
Tom Joad said it best to the one-eyed man: "Now look-a-here, fella. You got that eye wide open. An' ya dirty, ya stink. Ya jus' askin' for it. Ya like it. Lets ya feel sorry for yaself.' Course ya can't get no woman with that empty eye flap-pin' aroun'. Put somepin over it an' wash ya face. You ain't hittin' nobody with no pipe wrench."
Couldn't read these..however...the title says "friends say" ......and I call BS because saying sh¡t on the internet about others is not afriend move.
Agree!! That's stuff you say between you and your friend if it's needed. Not to strangers to get laughs and attention
Load More Replies... One of my friends has this problem. She does currently have a partner but it took her a while to get one because she's attracted to every guy she sees. Men found it off putting because she couldn't help but hit on other guys. I think she's changed a lot now though, I hardly ever see her anymore
Personality matters, a lot. I worked with a truly beautiful man. Ladies at work called him Mr GQ. I am not kidding, he was perhaps the most attractive person I’ve ever met. On paper he was also a catch he had a master’s degree with a solid family and upbringing. This gorgeous man was single, his personality just did not match. He didn’t understand humor or sarcasm, if he didn’t read it in a textbook he didn’t know it, basic world history and current events were lost to him. He wasn’t stupid, but he was…. It was weird? His famous quote to me, that I have never forgotten was, “Getting first dates is easy, second ones not so much.” Eye candy is only so alluring, PERSONALITY MATTERS PEOPLE.
I actually dated a guy like that! He was a good employee, good with his parents, good job and career. And VERY handsome and fit. First red flag came early when he said he had never had a relationship (he was 37!). After one date I figured out why. Omfg, he was misogynistic, arrogant, patronising, know-it-all. I thought "ok, maybe he doesn't know better. I can try to show him a different path". Nope. I was left feeling angry and minimzed after every date. I baptised him chapGPT: he knew everything but whatever he didn't know he would fill it in with whatever stupid idea he could find in his brain and believed it was true. No proof could change his mind. I never met anyone like that. I quit after some dates BUT did tell him why. His answer: I know I am *put adjectives here* but I did an effort not to show you that so you shouldn't feel that way about me. I ran as fast as I could. No regrets. This was quite some years ago. He's still single.
Load More Replies... Unless you're a proctologist doing a self exam. 😂😂
Load More Replies... I know this gorgeous girl, very sweet and a lot of fun to be around. But with the most unrealistic standards in men. Like she wants the whole knight in shining armour/romcom movie star. She's 40 looks and acts like she's 20, dresses like it's 2003. I feel bad, wish someone could sit her down and just talk it out with her.
My brother, who is 38, is a hard-core Russian Orthodox Christian. He didn't always used to be, but some switch flipped in him several years ago. He wants to find a nice woman to "court" and then marry and have as many kids as God wants them to have. He also wants to live off the land and be 100% self-sufficient. He's a really good guy. He's extremely thoughtful of others. Right now, he temporarily moved in with a man from his church who is dying of cancer so he can take care of him as his family is too far away. He really could easily find a nice woman, if only he didn't have such extreme views.
Tom Joad said it best to the one-eyed man: "Now look-a-here, fella. You got that eye wide open. An' ya dirty, ya stink. Ya jus' askin' for it. Ya like it. Lets ya feel sorry for yaself.' Course ya can't get no woman with that empty eye flap-pin' aroun'. Put somepin over it an' wash ya face. You ain't hittin' nobody with no pipe wrench."
