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Hey Pandas, What’s A Red Flag That Often Gets Overlooked?
Either in romantic or platonic relationships.
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(Hasn’t been listed yet so case in point) Abusive to animals. Many serial killers started out killing animals.
I don't think this belongs here because it is not a red flag that tends to get overlooked.
when you express worries, dismisses it with "i'm sure you're just overthinking"
Not being loud and proud about your relationship. (platonic or not)
Acting scidish or embarrassed.
If someone doesn't want to be proud and confident then LEAVE. It's not a good relationship if the person is flat out embarrassed of you.
I agree to a point. Sometimes it's just that the person has had bad experiences showing off their relationship, or having a partner do that. It could be they're worried drama will start with an ex, perhaps. But I guess context is key. Like, I would be concerned if my bf refused to hold my hand walking down the street, or have me take down pictures of us together, and refuse to make his status showing "in a relationship" on facebook.
That you need to inform 'him/her' before doing literally anything, or else you end up with "You didn't tell you were doing that/ going there/ meeting your friends/ cutting your hair..
NO. I don't need to inform about every single littlest things I do.
🚩🚩🚩
Also, you don't have to explain yourself. You don't have to give a reason for every f---ing thing you do or say.
A partner that ignores your opinions and if you complain then calls you ungrateful.
being overly attentive. sure, it's great to be treated with so much attention. but, later it can evolve into being overly jealous, possessive, and just too smothering. i don't believe in the 'two become one' when you are with a partner whether in a marriage or not. i am never going to be part of another person and i don't want to be.
never showing love, just reacting to it, unless the relationship is ending without them ending it.
If it seems to good to be true than it probably is. Lots of financial anxiety for many these days and a good deal may be worse than no deal.
My mom had many relationships and a few marriages while raising me. I have to say, the guys she dumped over the silliest things were the ones who I felt the most comfortable with, even though they weren't super well-off. The ones she married... yeah, we lived fancy and in nice, big enough homes, but they treated me like a pest, drank too much, and the marriages ended in assault charges. I was happier when it was just me and her living in a small apartment, and happiest when I moved out. I'll gladly take a great, loving relationship living low income and eating Mr. Noodles, than be in an abusive relationship eating steak dinners every night.
I think the younger you are, the more susceptible you can be to overlooking red flags.
When they come to your job/school (assuming they go to a different school.) everyday and just hang around until you're done.
It's not a sweet act of showing how much they want to be with you and miss you. It's a controlling, possessive behaviour that could get you in trouble with your job/school.
Trying to coerce you into taking intimacy further than you're ready for. You should be able to have that conversation with your partner and they should be respecting your wishes. If they actually care enough about you, they can wait until you're ready to take things further. It has nothing to do with love. It's to do with mutual respect and consideration.
Stalking. Okay, we've all probably stared at our crushes way too long in class, tried figuring out who they are from external sources, etc. But if you just got with someone not too long ago, and they admit they followed you home because they wanted to see where you live, even if it's just a few times, months ago, RUN. They don't have to be a serial, consistent stalker in order to be bad news.
I really like these ones, and yes, they are all true. I especially see the top one in my college. One of my dormmates asked me if it was hard for everyone else's bfs to be around all the time and mine not, and it's because my bf has a life. If we want a future it's good that he's working and finishing his education just like I am.
Sometimes you can just feel that something is off about someone. It’s an instinctive feeling, and overthinking can make you dismiss it, but hey, maybe pay more attention to the people around you.
(platonic) If the friend doesn't seem interested in friendship/is constantly making excuses but hangs out with you anyway.
You're always starting the conversation (at first it might be shyness, but after a year of talking to them it shouldn't be constantly the same person to interact), not caring about how you're doing. I mainly see it in platonic but if it's romantic I guess it's more common to realize but still no.
Some people are more comfortable with a companionable silence than others: the person least comfortable will always be first to break the silence.The test is not whether they speak first, but are they (usually) fully involved in the conversation, or is conversing with them like drawing teeth?
Very passive, doesn’t initiate stuff on their own, you have to do everything yourself.
I’m really bad at this, and it’s an ongoing issue with my best friend. I’m trying to improve though.
On the flip side, super over the top, always planning, getting excited, doing big things. This can be either love bombing, or something more innocent, but it can get really exhausting. It’s ok to take a day to just slug out at home.
Don't feel bad, I'm the same way. I adore my bf but my first reaction is sort of a passive "only if you really want to" attitude that drives him crazy. I'm working on it.
Let me note that I am nearly 52 years by now, and NEVER have been any sort of relationship expert, but from the real life lessons:
Whenever we start making excuses about a person, or their misbehavior, then nothing of our mind-cocktail is the reality of it! It IS a form of denial, often sadly so.
They never EVER say a single nice thing about their ex. No matter how terrible they became, if you can't talk about at least some of the good times, then you haven't dealt with it.
Ish. An ex can be an abuser from day one. Maybe they genuinely never had a good experience, thus nothing good to say isn’t necessarily about trauma.
If they always want to do their thing (like an activity, vacation, or dining out) but never your thing. That person is probably not looking for a partner.
If you walk into her house and she only has pictures of herself but none of her 2 boys.
Being over 30 and not having a proper bed, only one set of bed linen.
It isn’t two way.
There should always be some give and take in a healthy relationship.
If there isn’t, one party is likely a narcissist.
The way they treat their mother, and other family members. It's an early sign that you can pick up through even the smallest acts.
This is so true. How they treat their family now is the pattern they will continue with you eventually.
When it's all new and they say "you have to trust me" or any variation on that.
Trust is earned over time.
Also, love bombing....it isn't who they are, it's a tactic.
When they have issues meeting your friends or family after many months. Being a part of your normal life socially is the building blocks of a real relationship. Trying to isolate you or keep themselves separate is a means of either control or contempt or both.
A trash filled car. It probably means a filthy house or hoarding. I should have said no on that first date. She hoarded all kinds of things and some animals she wouldn't take care of.
Someone who gets fired from jobs frequently. Relationships can be hard work. If they won't make an effort for money, what makes you think they'll put in the work for you?
When you're early in a relationship and the conversation starts with - when we're fighting. Why is it assumed that we'll be fighting? I don't have a problem with disagreements; why would it have to devolve into fighting? And if it moves onto - make sure you fight back, coz I'll be thinking the whole time, I love this person so much? Just run. Someone that needs to fight is also likely to be a 'never wrong,' and you just can't live like that. If someone really loves you, there's no need for fighting. Disagreements, sure. You don't need to be disagreeable with it. My wife and I have been married 24 years and, with all our disagreements, we've never once got into a fight.
"What are you thinking?" Anyone who doesn't respect your right to privacy in your thoughts cannot respect your existence as a person who is not just there to satisfy their needs.
