Welcome, brave reader, to this collection of frightfully funny Halloween jokes for kids and adults to share. Your mission, should you
Welcome, brave reader, to this collection of frightfully funny Halloween jokes made for kids and adults alike. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is simple: cackle, groan, and vote on your favorite Halloween puns.
Which dad jokes will rise to the top, and which will drop like a piece of fruit in a trick-or-treating bowl?
Dad jokes are timeless, but they’re best when there’s a theme. That’s why we’ve rounded up 140 of the most pun-packed Halloween one-liners, tailor-made for spooky season. True to form, they’ll make you laugh, groan, or scream.
Each October, dads everywhere unleash their stash of wordplay, trading fright for eye-rolls and creepy chuckles. Halloween dad jokes are built for goofy fun the whole family can enjoy. Nothing says “boo” like a pun someone’s been waiting all year to use.
You won’t find scary jokes here. Only family-friendly quips guaranteed to make you howl or shake your head. From skeletons and pumpkins to vampires and zombies, this Halloween humor showdown covers it all. We’ve even tossed in a few knock-knock jokes to keep you guessing.
All you have to do is vote: Which joke made you cackle? Which one went too far? Help us crown the ultimate Halloween dad joke champion. Keep checking back to see which gags crawl their way to the top.
This list may revolve around dad jokes, but it’s crafted for everyone to enjoy. After all, dad humor is universal. Bonus points if you test these jokes on your own dad and get his groan of approval. Let the sinister voting begin!
I can’t believe my roommates think our house is haunted.
I’ve lived here for 300 years and never noticed anything out of the ordinary.
Report
What happens if you don’t pay the exorcist on time?
You get repossessed.
Report
What did Dracula name his car?
Vlad the Impala.
Report
What do you call a Buddhist wolf?
Aware wolf.
Report
Why don't vampires want to become investment bankers?
They hate stakeholders.
Report
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Report
Why did the haunted scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
Report
Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted to scare people stiff.
Report
My wife wants to dress up as a bandaid for Halloween.
I told her it might be a bit difficult to pull off.
Report
How do you know if a zombie likes a person?
They ask for seconds.
Report
Why do demons and ghouls always hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
Report
What do dad ghosts like to drink?
Booooooze.
Report
Can a monster jump higher than a tree?
Of course they can, trees don’t jump!
Report
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
Report
What do you call a skeleton with a very clean house?
The Grim Sweeper.
Report
What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
Report
Where do vampires in college like to buy their clothes?
Forever 21.
Report
Is that a seed falling out of the jack-o’-lantern’s nose?
No, it’s snot.
Report
Did I ever tell you about the skeleton detective?
He was spine on me!
Report
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ivana.
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.
Report
What’s the funniest day of the year?
Ha-Ha-Halloween.
Report
What’s big, furry, and has eight wheels?
A monster on rollerskates.
Report
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to The Body Shop.
Report
What did the monster eat after having its tooth taken out?
The dentist.
Report
Why do ghosts love Black Friday?
They’re bargain haunters.
Report
What do you do when 50 spirits appear in your home?
Hope that it’s Halloween!
Report
How do vampires start their letters?
Tomb it may concern.
Report
What is a vampire’s favorite song?
Another One Bites the Dust.
Report
Why did the zombie stop eating breakfast?
He didn’t want to become a cereal killer.
Report
Why don’t mummies have friends?
Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
Report
What does a witch like to read in the newspaper?
Her horror scope.
Report
Why do monsters love writing their books in cemeteries?
Because they have great plots.
Report
What should you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
Hello, hello!
Report
How do you make a witch itch?
Take away the W.
Report
Which candy is never on time for the Halloween party?
Choco-LATE.
Report
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ooze.
Ooze who?
Ooze that monster over there?
Report
Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank?
Because of the employee discount.
Report
Did you hear about the actor in the new vampire movie?
He really sucked!
Report
What did the ghost teacher tell her students?
Look at the board and I'll go through it again.
Report
What noises do witches make when they eat their cereal in the morning?
Snap, cackle, and pop.
Report
Did you hear about the ghost who went to the doctor?
He’s still waiting to be seen.
Report
Did you hear about the crazy vampire?
He went totally batty!
Report
I’m going to a Halloween party dressed as a spooky sweet shopkeeper.
I put on my costume, and my friend said, “Give me a Twirl”.
Report
Doctor, doctor!
Someone in the waiting room said that you’re a vampire.
Necks, please!
Report
Where do you find the spookiest sweets for trick or treaters?
At the ghost-ery store.
Report
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Handsome.
Handsome who?
Handsome candy to me, please.
Report
Why did the skeleton quit his modeling job?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Report
How do ghosts stay fit and healthy?
They keep up a good exorcise routine.
Report
Why didn’t the boy’s mother dress up for Halloween?
She was already a mummy.
Report
How can you tell if there’s a monster in your fridge?
You can’t shut the door!
Report
Did you hear about the skeleton who went to the doctor?
He ate a Jawbreaker.
Report
What is a pumpkin’s favorite movie?
Pulp Fiction.
Report
Why did the scarecrow fail as a stand-up comedian?
All of his jokes were too corny.
Report
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Eddie.
Eddie who?
Eddie body there? It’s Halloween!
Report
Did you hear about the woman who married a ghost?
I don’t know what possessed her!
Report
Why don’t vampires go to barbecues?
They’re afraid of stakes.
Report
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
Report
What do you call a pumpkin that is good at sport?
A jock-o’-lantern.
Report
Why are skeletons always so calm?
Because nothing can get under their skin.
Report
What is a monster's favorite game to play?
Hide and shriek.
Report
How do ghosts stay in shape at the gym?
They do lots of dead-lifts and boo-ty squats.
Report
How do zombies pay for things?
With crypt-o-currency.
Report
I was out walking last night, but as soon as I went into the graveyard, my cell phone lost signal.
I guess it must be a dead zone.
Report
Why did the ghost decide to become a chef?
He had a talent for soul food.
Report
If skeletons could be any world leader from history, which one would they be?
Napoleon Bone-a-parte.
Report
What goes “ha, ha, ha” right before a terrible crash, then keeps going afterward?
A monster that is laughing its head off.
Report
What song do monsters sing to each other when they're feeling down?
Always look on the fright side of life.
Report
Why did the headless zombie start work earlier than everybody else?
He wanted to get ahead.
Report
Knock knock
Who's there?
Ben
Ben who?
Ben here all night to get some candy!
Report
How do you get rid of demons in the gym?
Exorcise a lot.
Report
How does a possessed scarecrow drink his juice?
With a straw.
Report
What do monsters like to watch their movies on?
Wide scream TVs.
Report
What happens to bees when they get swatted at by the Walking Dead?
They turn into zom-bees.
Report
What is a skeleton's favorite drink?
A full-bodied wine.
Report
How do ghosts search the web?
They use ghoul-gle.
Report
Why don't mummies have many friends?
Because they're just too wrapped up in themselves.
Report
Did you hear about the vampire marathon?
The last two runners were neck and neck.
Report
What do panda ghosts eat?
Bam-boo.
Report
What do witches call their garages?
The broom closet.
Report
When do zombies call it a night on their trick or treating?
When they feel dead tired.
Report
What kind of car does Frankenstein drive on Halloween night?
A monster truck.
Report
Who gives Dracula the most candy when he goes trick or treating?
His fang club.
Report
What does a young witch use to learn to cook?
An easy bake coven.
Report
What is a vampire's favorite cake frosting flavor?
Vein-illa.
Report
How do you spell “candy” with only two letters?
C and Y.
Report
Why couldn't the coffee bean go to the Halloween party?
It was grounded.
Report
What are a monster's favorite pets?
Creepy crawlies.
Report
What position does a ghost play in hockey?
A ghoulie.
Report
What is a skeleton's favorite mode of transportation?
A skelecopter.
Report
What happened to the cannibal when he was late to a dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
Report
Where can monsters go to get tattoos?
Monsters Ink.
Report
What do you call a skeleton who always skips doing his chores?
Lazy bones.
Report
What do baby ghosts dress up in on Halloween?
Pillowcases.
Report
Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?
Because biting people all the time was a pain in the neck.
Report
What is a monster's favorite theme park ride?
The roller ghoster.
Report
What does the French skeleton say when he greets people?
Bone-jour.
Report
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
Report
Why do ghosts go into bars?
For the boos.
Report
What does the ghost do when he first gets in the car?
He puts on his sheet belt.
Report
What is a mummy's favorite thing about Christmas?
The wrapping paper.
Report
Why did the vampire start reading the local newspaper?
He heard it had great circulation.
Report
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow with no coat?
A numb skull.
Report
Why do skeletons drink lots of milk?
It’s good for the bones!
Report
How did the zombie become so great at trick or treating?
Dead-ication.
Report
Why doesn’t Frankenstein’s monster dance?
He has two left feet.
Report
Where do spiders do their Halloween shopping?
On the web.
Report
What did the Halloween pumpkin say to the person carving it?
Cut it out!
Report
How do you know if a vampire is sick?
He starts the coffin.
Report
Why do witches wear name tags at parties?
So everybody knows which witch is which.
Report
Albert Einstein was a genius.
Now wait until you hear about his brother, Frank!
Report
Why don’t mummies ever gossip?
They don’t want to get a bad wrap.
Report
Why was the vampire in timeout?
He was being a pain in the neck.
Report
Why did the monster go to the barber?
He needed a scare cut.
Report
What kind of ship does Dracula have?
A blood vessel.
Report
Why don’t ghosts take showers?
They only enjoy boo-ble baths.
Report
A blind skeleton walks into a bar.
And a chair.
And a table.
And a person.
Report
What’s 8-feet tall, has huge fangs and claws, breathes fire, and is banging on the front door?
I don’t know, but you should run!
Report
Did you hear about the new vampire laptop?
It bytes.
Report
What did the vegan zombie eat for breakfast?
Grains.
Report
Why did they lock the cemetery on Halloween night?
People were dying to get in.
Report
What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?
Wrap.
Report
Why did the demon join Tinder?
He was trying to get a ghoul-friend.
Report
What do you call an overweight pumpkin?
A plumpkin.
Report
Why did the jack-o’-lantern flunk out of school?
Somebody scooped his brains out.
Report
What is a ghost’s favorite meal?
Spook-ghetti.
Report
Who makes sure the graveyard is up to code?
The in-specter.
Report
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy!
Report
What kind of horse does a demon ride?
A night mare.
Report
Why did the skeleton tell so many jokes?
She loved ribbing people.
Report
Why do ghouls speak Latin?
Because it’s a dead language.
Report
Why did the zombie ask for help?
He had a grave problem.
Report
What time do ghosts eat at?
Boo-thirty.
Report
What do witches use to do their hair?
Scare spray.
Report
What do you call a chicken that haunts your house?
A poultry-geist.
Report
Do you know what to say when you meet a ghost?
“How do you boo?”
Report
Who does a werewolf go trick or treating with?
His cousins, what-wolf and when-wolf.
Report
Knock knock
Who's there?
Getyur
Getyur who?
Getyur fangs out of my neck!
Report
What did the happy pumpkin say?
Life is good.
Report
Why was the Halloween candy comedian booed off the stage?
All of his jokes were too corny.
Report
Why do witches never go to Starbucks for coffee?
They prefer to brew their own.
Report
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
