People like to joke about how marriage is the end of a happy and independent life. Yet recent statistics paint a different picture. According to the 2023 U.S. Census, 74% of married Americans say they are happy they are happy in their relationship. That's almost 98 million married people!
Still, married life comes with some ups and downs. Sometimes you love your spouse more than anything in the world. Other times, they might annoy you so much you start plotting how to get rid of them in their sleep. One online group collects funny observations and jokes about marriage, and here we present to you those we hope you will find most relatable!
More info: Facebook
This post may include affiliate links.
😂 to be fair I do this but my partner has actually crashed into the back of 2 cars on separate occasions. So I half expect it.
My sister is the one who screams 3 miles ahead. I won't ride in the car with her anymore
Your wife definitely wants "To speak to the manager...", you mom. You sir, are in trouble.
Had a Nervous Nelly friend who would react similarly. Told them if they continued with their distracting behavior while I was driving then they'd have to sit in the back.
She has Karen hair. Please tell her because she may rethink that style.
What do people really think about marriage in the big 25? Do people still find it important or just see it as an archaic contract that should be obsolete by now? According to Harvard's 2025 Youth poll, young people are prioritizing marriage less, but are still optimistic about long-term partnerships.
57% of the respondents said they think marriage is important, and 48% also think the same about having children. As with most things, political affiliation also plays a role here: 75% of Republicans say that getting married is important, while only 56% of Democrats say the same. Still, 67% of the young people surveyed by Harvard say that they view long-term romantic relationships as important.
A recent study by The Times also shows a similar trend. They have found that Gen Z are more critical of hookup culture than Millennials and are more likely to be pro-marriage. 20 years ago, 39% of young adults thought that marrying is irrelevant when it comes to having children and being a family. Today, only a fifth of 18 to 27-year-olds think that marriage is outdated.
Why are Gen Z becoming more conservative? Some experts suggest that young people are rejecting the laid-back attitudes about love, living together, and having children. The director of research at the charity Marriage Foundation Harry Benson told The Times that for Gen Z, it's all about the commitment itself rather than the spectacle and appearances.
He’s got the priorities right , the sniper is out to k**l you lmao the sauce ain’t 😂
Cleverly hidden right in front of your face is where it is. I'm tricksy like that.
Co-founder & CEO of Her Campus Media Stephanie Kaplan Lewis told Newsweek that for Gen Z, it's deeper than for the previous generations. "Older generations may have felt drawn to marriage out of necessity or obligated based on societal pressures which also led to high divorce rates, but Gen Z sees things differently. For them, there is renewed hope in committing to a partner and having a built in support system."
Usually it goes like this: I say "Honey", head turns, he focuses on my face, I start talking, he notes lips moving "Are you listening" he notes that, yep, lips are moving, I finish, he says "what?"
Groucho Marx: Gertrude? Can I call you Gert, and leave out the rude part?
Oh, no. My ex was always the last one ready to go. I and the 3 kids are dressed and ready he's like, I'll just take a quick shower and shave.
That would be me with my son. I can be dressed and out the door in 5 mins if the dogs don't need to go out. There have been times I was waiting in the car for 15 mins.
Balderdash! 1 father, 2 brothers, 2 husbands, 1 son, and a number of flat/house shares, and I've yet to get to the door on the way out without being told "I'll be right with you, I've just got to ..."
Some believe that Gen Z could save the plummeting marriage rates in the U.S. According to a 2021 study by the Pew Research Center, 25% of 40-year-olds have never been married. This is a record high, since in 1980 that percentage was at just 6% and 15% in 2000. As Gen Z are just starting to get married, it's hard to calculate the marriage rates, but most say they want and plan to get married. According to a 2023 survey by the Knot, 77% of people in their 20s have already taken at least one step towards planning a wedding.
Did she tell the police about that exchange when they hauled away his body?
Cmdr Ivanova, in 'Babylon 5': "And that's when I sh0t him, Your Honor."
Load More Replies...I’ve always previously seen this joke told with the genders reversed.
Nope. It's whoever can't hold out the longest. You gotta go pee, your getting the chips and the drinks.
Load More Replies...During covid I was dating this guy and we drove an hour to visit his mother. I'm on one side of the living room on the couch with her and he's on the other side giving me a hard time. So I texted him a FU message, which he promptly read out loud. His mom and I were laughing so hard. Yeah, that one didn't last long. But at least his mom liked me.
There's also another element at play here: young people might be more open to marriage because they don't see it as a permanent thing. With divorce rates being almost 50% in the U.S., Gen Z grew up seeing examples of people getting married and getting divorced just a few years later. "We don't always need to be doing things that society deems to be the normal path," Gen Z media specialist Charlie Sawyer also told The Times.
That is when you turn the channel to the show you really wanted to see.
We're the opposite. We know exactly what we want to watch. We've known for a week. Now if we could ever get round to it...
The older I get the more I can't see shit that's right in front of me.
I love this picture, because it's true. Husbands, kids, grandkids are all the same. They couldn't find their hand if it was in their pocket.
My wife has no need for a file cabinet. She remembers everything I ever said. Or a least the times I was wrong.
It all sounds very optimistic, but that's not to say that young people don't have any reservations about marriage. On the contrary, they have to worry about things that the previous generations didn't. Some worry about the economic state of the world. As therapist and researcher Stan Tatkin told Newsweek, "housing and having money to buy a house are difficult factors that come into play for young people."
A film was made featuring this. It is called "The autopsy of Jane Doe". It is on Netflix and well worth watching.
People in England spell diarrhea diarrhoea because they've lost control of their vowels.
Load More Replies...As a wife who came home to the surprise of the bathroom being painted Cookie Monster blue, I approve of this sign.
Many years ago I built some shelves for the office manager where I work. She said "Paint them gray." I did, only to be told "That's the wrong shade of gray." After that when she asked me to build something and paint it I'd tell her okay, but it will be either black, or you go pick out the paint.
Yes that was what I was saying. Colour is the correct spelling
Load More Replies...Charles T. Hill, PhD, a professor of psychology at Whittier College, also told the Knot that this generation has to worry about climate issues, something previous generations perhaps didn't take into consideration when starting families. "Some may be concerned about the future state of the world regarding climate change, inflation and political division, especially in regard to bringing children into the world," he explained.
I don't know, but I'm certain that it started with 'hold my beer'!
Load More Replies..."Am I the only one you've slept with?" "Yes, the others were at least 6s or 7s."
From the movie Clue: How many husbands have you had? .... Mine or other women's?
Private rehoming is an increasingly common option.
Load More Replies..."And that was the last time that he was seen or heard from..."
Should have got her a mood ring. When it's green, she's happy. When it's blue, she's sad. And when it leaves a red mark on your forehead, you p*ssed her off!
The reason why there's no much statistics about how many of Gen Z are getting married might be because they're delaying many of the traditional milestones for later in life. Psychologist Jean Twenge explained to Business Insider that young people nowadays simply feel like they have more time to live.
"Psychologists call this a slow life strategy, and it happens when people live longer," she explained. "It starts in the '90s, but it's kind of slow, and then it gets going through the 2000s and then really accelerates in the 2010s once you transition to Gen Z."
My wife would just be annoyed that I’d spent money on something neither of us would drink
He's wearing a coat, he needs the heat not the AC.
Load More Replies...I was a kid when I saw a man slumped over in his parked car. I was worried he was sick so I knocked on his window. He jerked awake, scaring the daylights out of me. And I'm sure I annoyed the heck out of him! I said, "Sorry!" and ran off, very embarrassed!
Reminds me of a book character who scares his plant into looking good- whenever a plant looks bad he'll take it out and (well, I'm not sure, but it doesn't come back.)...
Load More Replies...Younger married couples are also less likely to get divorced. At the moment, the divorce rate in the U.S. is at 35%. It's only going up for couples in their 50s and 60s. Norman B. Epstein, PhD, told the Knot that it's declining thanks to couples therapy. "My impression is that more people are taking advantage of counseling and therapies instead of trying to tough it out themselves or ignoring [issues]. It's more acceptable now to go to therapy," he explained.
I mean, have you ever had that godawful western stuff?
Load More Replies...What are your attitudes towards marriage, Pandas? Married Pandas, please share your wisdom and observations with the rest of us in the comments. And if you want to see some more content about married life, check out our posts about wholesome anniversary surprises and people's experiences of having a 10/10 partner!
Which was it, the wardrobe he outgrew in the 90s, or the broken lawnmower he found in the neighbor's trash he's been meaning to fix since the early oughts?
I have a shirt that says my wife says I have two faults, I don't listen and something else
I don't think I've ever asked anyone to "toast some bread." I just go on the presumption that they're smart enough to figure the bread part out all on their own if I ask, "Would you make some toast, please?" and not try to stick playing cards in the toaster.
A joke is like a frog: if you take it apart to see how it works you will kíll it.
Load More Replies...This actually worked for us. My husband had a very stressful job and was having trouble unwinding enough to fall asleep. So I told him that I could put him to sleep in less than five minutes and then started rambling on about gardening and seed starting. Worked like a charm, every time.
That's really funny and sweet! I bet it was your soothing voice. 🙂
Load More Replies...I used that when I was pre-teen and shared a room with my younger brother.
"Do gentlemen still open car doors?" "Of course. That's how we get inside."
Recently read that quite a few people knew that Travis was the man for Taylor when he parked the car, came around to open the door for Taylor (which apparently surprised and delighted her), then pushed her security guard aside while he proceeded to accompany her to their destination.
I find it mildly annoying when a guy runs around a car to open the door for me. I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself and it's kinda awkward.
Keep that attitude and you'll never have to worry about it
Load More Replies...Or your FIL drives a jacked up SUV and you've gotta help your partner into it physically. Not that I know anyone like that and had to do it yesterday...
I have had my husband grab me by my shoulders (firmly but gently), look me in the eyes and yell "I want my wife back." lol
I've several friends who I've found out are like this at home. Can't/won't cook, clean, do laundry etc. They didn't get a wife, they just replaced their mommy.
This is because Mommy and Daddy let him be lazy at home. and didn't teach him how to do anything. When my kids were little they were taught to clean up their toys. When my oldest was 12 he called me at work and asked how to do his laundry. I told him how to do it, my other son started doing his at 12. They knew how to load the dishwasher or do it by hand and to clean off the stove, counters, table, sweep and vacuum their rooms, the hallway and living room.
Don't know how to break it to you, Kitty, but if it wasn't for cheaters, most strip clubs would go bankrupt. Not so much "glorification" as it is plain, old fact.
Load More Replies...Did y'all hear that CEO Andy Byron is considering "consider going the legal route against the band for exposing him on screen". Byron is claiming “emotional distress” and “invasion of privacy”. For someone intelligent enough to make CEO, he is ignorant of the fact that once you're in public, there is no privacy.
Maybe don't believe everything you read in tabloid internet articles.. let's see a lawsuit.
Load More Replies...The inevitable kept me from getting portraits and names tattooed. I'll stick with the neutral tattoos, thank you very much.
Ha! This reminds me of what my mom did when we were kids. She would slowly chase us doing the zombie walk. We would laugh at first, but she would keep doing it and it would suddenly become creepy and we'd yell at her to stop. We called it the Mommy Monster. She had a really weird sense of humor. Miss her!
There's a great not-kids' book called That's Not Your Mommy Anymore that's exceptionally apropos here. (the fact that it is definitely not for kids in no way stopped me from reading it to my then infant son often...)
Before we were married, my GF once rang me and said “where are the flowers” bemused I said “what?” She then said “it’s my birthday”. Needless to say flowers were express delivered to her.😅
Nah, I hate that game. If I say I want nothing, I really mean it. Won't be mad if I get a card or something, but won't be mad if I don't!
Favorite thing about Partner: we're both way too old for this s**t.
Hah, my dad messed up like this once. My mom said she didn't need or want anything for valentines day, he will never make that mistake again. XD
If a joke's worth setting up, it's worth doing well
Load More Replies...Aw, c'mon guys - this is funny! But only if he then immediately said, "Just kidding - I'll do the dishes now."
Yup. As long as it doesn't get done half-assed and the final result is good, that's great.
My husband insisted on putting the dishes away. Until I convinced him that I could really use help in another area; cooking was a challenge as he just "put things away" in whatever cabinet hit his fancy at the moment. Gotta luv em.
Load More Replies...Gah, this. And then I have to rearrange the dishwasher my way. Somehow we're still married after 37 years! 😆
I put the washing out on the line and deliberately used pegs of every colour. Fast forward 20 minutes and the washing all had yellow pegs 😂
Why do they censor stuff on this site? Is it based in America? The land of the “free”.
... and waking your partner with laughter over funny content on BP. "Hey hun, you gotta see this!"
Of course not. You weren't raised correctly and weren't exposed to the proper way to do things.
Thank good for separate bedrooms. My husband. It’s like sleeping next to Thomas the tank engine.
Snoring is a serious issue especially if they stop breathing. If I forget to use my CPAP I can’t fall asleep.
Load More Replies...That’s called coercion!! been there done that on the receiving end , still got the scars
I’m looking forward to getting some chocolate fush when I’m in Otago late September 😋
Load More Replies...My ex was like this. One day the gym instructor asked him to actually start using the machines if he wants to lose weight
My ex was meeting her bf and porking him in his car in the parking lot
Load More Replies...A close relative of the "Would you like to close the windows?" suggestion, a.k.a. "Close the windows NOW ! "
I had a girlfriend, years ago, who asked me to go grocery shopping with her. Every time I saw a product on the shelves that I knew the jingle for, I would sing said jingle... loudly. 🎵 "My mommy loves me. How do I know? Because my mommy tells me so! Mom brings Del Monte home!" 🎵 A week or so later, she was going grocery shopping and I (eagerly) offered to go with her. Her reply? "NO! NO! SIT DOWN! STAY HERE!" Mission accomplished. 🙃
He was in the shopping cart and having her push him around the store because he was too lazy to walk
Load More Replies...Oh fück that's me. I know for a fact I asked Mr Auntriarch four times what time we needed to leave to go on holiday last week. How come I can remember how many times I asked, but not what his answer was?
Overheard and I think it's a very sweet approach to aging. "You've told me this before, you know, dear." "Yes, hon, I know."
Load More Replies...Seriously, who cares as long as they're folded and not just wadded up.
Fold so they fit on the shelf without falling over or slipping off.
Load More Replies...I am the wife in this case. Towels have to be folded all the same way so they line up properly and the towel rack. Also, the colors have to be arranged the right way or it looks not right. It is not an OCD, i just like things neat.
This saved our marriage
"If you don't even understand what you did wrong, then that is clear proof that you were wrong"
Oh sir, she cant dolly parton anything with the wages you bring home 😆
Even Dolly admits "It costs a lot to look this cheap!".
Load More Replies...The real challenge in marriage is forgiving your spouse when they're right.
TBF, being right is rarely friendly, while being friendly is often right
Is this the same couple that was in the post about gasping in the car? I think so!
The question of who can live without whom will certainly occur to her.
What the hell is this? Half of it is tired old stereotypes. WIMMIN TALK TOO MUCH AM I RITE??? HAR HAR HAR. Ugh.
Toxic is a bit dramatic. These are just outdated "memes". Toxic is what is in the Epstein files.
Load More Replies...Gee, what's the matter with me? I thought most of these were funny! Is it because we've been married more than 43 years -- and still going strong?
Young people are easily offended. They don't remember comedians like Alan King and Henny Young man - "take my wife - please". We all laughed together at it back then. Then Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers talked about men.
Load More Replies...What the hell is this? Half of it is tired old stereotypes. WIMMIN TALK TOO MUCH AM I RITE??? HAR HAR HAR. Ugh.
Toxic is a bit dramatic. These are just outdated "memes". Toxic is what is in the Epstein files.
Load More Replies...Gee, what's the matter with me? I thought most of these were funny! Is it because we've been married more than 43 years -- and still going strong?
Young people are easily offended. They don't remember comedians like Alan King and Henny Young man - "take my wife - please". We all laughed together at it back then. Then Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers talked about men.
Load More Replies...
