If you didn’t know just yet, God is on Twitter. The Almighty has over 6.1 million devout fans eagerly awaiting His latest posts while He Himself follows only one account—Justin Bieber’s. The parody account is full of hilarious jokes and witty comments that will hopefully make you laugh and raise your spirits.
We’ve collected some of the best tweets posted by God for you to enjoy, so scroll down, have a read, and upvote your fave ones. Let us know what you think about the Almighty’s posts in the comment section below.
And in case you were wondering why your prayers might not be working this month, God has stated that He is “taking time off” to write His newest testament while on a ‘workation’ on the planet Bethselamin from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
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Sorry, but you also allowed that murderers became president of Russia and China. Just saying....
Don’t worry, though, the creator of the parody account has stated that God will be back “angrier, wittier, and more ineffective than ever” once September starts. Just in time for the new school year! “In My absence, no one is in charge,” God added.
The man behind The Tweet of God account is David Javerbaum from Los Angeles. He explained why the account he manages follows Bieber by saying, “From what God told me, he only follows close family members. That’s all I could get out of him.”
David is always in character, even when talking to the press. He maintains the appearance that he works for God and that he’s His social media manager. David started the account in 2010 while working on a book called ‘The Last Testament: A Memoir by God.’ One year later, he published the book and, ironically, people thought it was copying off the Twitter account.
Eventually, David was approached to turn his Twitter account into a Broadway play. Which resulted in The Act of God which went on for two summers all over the world.
In case you want to reach David and talk to God, don’t hold your breath. “God replies to tweets exactly as often as he replies to prayers from other people,” he said.
God’s rival Satan also had a similar parody Twitter account. However, due to a change in Twitter’s content policy, the Prince of Darkness got banned. Though the two accounts are quite similar, they weren’t created by the same person. And in the fight for our everlasting souls on social media, God came out victorious in the end.
However, The Tweet of God account has been through some ups and downs. Five years ago, God’s account got hacked which made David quit Twitter for a year and a half. The account also got banned twice. However, the account’s still going strong. Mainly because of how much potential for satire there is in the world.
“The only time there would be no material for satire will be in a perfect world. And I don’t see that coming any time soon. I do think that if it were a perfect world, my [in]ability to make fun of it would be a small price to pay,” David told The Hindu.
And they'll spray Round Up and insecticides to make the salad better.
I'm a Canadian and if you can't get along with us, we're really sorry
In third grade, my friends and I calculated the expenses we’d have and materials we’d need to craft a non-mechanical aircraft that flew us to Canada, as well as our route. We love you here in America!
Load More Replies...Canadians are sticky and it is well-documented that they have released weaponized geese to take down the central US.
One day Canadians will take over the world. And then you'll all be sorry.
im half canadian so you can get along with half of me if you can
Has anyone considered the possibility that it's us who many can't get along with? Whether we visit another state or another country, we are a guest and should make the effort to act as such. Customs, food, language...respect is earned through respect. Be impeccable with your word. Now more than ever before, we got to start mending some fences. Not build more walls.
Totally agree, I'm Canadian and I get so embarrassed when any Canadian does something selfish, racist, destructive or just plain arrogant when visiting another nation. Totally mortified when complete strangers of my own nationality are idiots abroad and can not fathom anyone who doesn't realize when outside of your own nation, you are always representing your homeland.
Load More Replies...Love Canadians. So sane. No wonder they want nothing to do with us.
So what lots of places are "not real country's" and they are called continents
Load More Replies...Nah. We won't live to see it so we'll leave to the younger generations to solve that problem but we are also going to sabotage every effort they are making now to turn the tide. Like allowing oil companies to drill in the Arctic Wildlife Refuge.
That's ok. According to your followers you are one unforgiving, heartless, unloving jerk anyway, so we didn't expect you to actually intervene in some way. Like striking a few fools with lightning.
NRA logic: Guns don't kill people. But people with guns kill people. So to protect yourself from people with guns, buy a gun. ( BTW Hey, congressmen, you still haven't pushed the stand your ground laws in all states. That's not what we paid you for...)
Or as I heard/read it somewhere else years ago: "Artificial intelligence stand no chance against natural stupidity".
China is supposedly cracking down on the wildlife markets. Hopefully some real change will finally come.
Marriage is a bond between two loving persons. There god, I fixed it for you.
They're no more in its a**s than the clitoris is in a woman's a**s. You would think that God could at least remember where he put them.
I remember an old joke where the pope informed the world that Jesus came back to earth and talked to him. It was a long distance call from Mekka.
With better food, medicine and safety warning, we're keeping stupid people alive. It used to be that stupid people would die or be killed. Now they breed. Mankind has doomed itself.
Which proves that, even though you don't exist, you're smarter than we thought...
"You're not my children, you're a bad game of sims" - Bo Burnham, "From God's Perspective"
Ask Trump: He's told everyone round this time last year that he's the chosen one....
to the moron named MJ no he said what he meant and meant what he said
You'll likely be seeing MJ, based on his/her response to the 10 COVID-ments.
And so it was...at the time....but now the Us government has realised it´s mistake and is doing it´s out-most to rectify it..
And Karens of all genders can't wear a mask for 5 minutes without complaining.
Some believe they have a right to not be offended. No idea where they got that idea.
no wait you didnt write them a bunch of a**holes who claimed you said them wrote them
I am happy that "God" is supporting gays and not encouraging homophobia
Where’d all the dumbfuck conservatives come from? Did the Trump rally let out early?
"Mother" Theresa was a stupid c**t in love with poverty who hoarded millions of dollars but spent zero in making the lives of the poor better. She denied heat, analgesics and basic care expenses to those suffering in her shelters. She was a miserable woman. Are you being deliberately ignorant?
She denied morphine to dying cancer patients because "suffering brings us closer to god". So of course catholics made her a saint.
Load More Replies...I don't have Twitter but I love reading God's tweets. They are amazing
@Soggy Crumpet Mother Teresa and Gandhi were not the saintly figures you think they were. And I haven't checked, because I'm a lazy SOB, but there's a good chance there are Twitter accounts in a similar vein to God's based on them, just not as popular. As to why God is okay, it's because he's not verified.
Few seem to know about this little thing called THE 7 DEADLY Sins as this post /opinions abundantly shows......Probably not popular enough these days.
No, it's just a crock of s**t. No such thing as a sin. Sin is a fictional, man-made concept. Grow up.
Load More Replies...Wow, you mean God loves everyone and wants them to live healthy and happy, so God is "brain-dead liberal voter"? Sign me up for more God!
Load More Replies...I am happy that "God" is supporting gays and not encouraging homophobia
Where’d all the dumbfuck conservatives come from? Did the Trump rally let out early?
"Mother" Theresa was a stupid c**t in love with poverty who hoarded millions of dollars but spent zero in making the lives of the poor better. She denied heat, analgesics and basic care expenses to those suffering in her shelters. She was a miserable woman. Are you being deliberately ignorant?
She denied morphine to dying cancer patients because "suffering brings us closer to god". So of course catholics made her a saint.
Load More Replies...I don't have Twitter but I love reading God's tweets. They are amazing
@Soggy Crumpet Mother Teresa and Gandhi were not the saintly figures you think they were. And I haven't checked, because I'm a lazy SOB, but there's a good chance there are Twitter accounts in a similar vein to God's based on them, just not as popular. As to why God is okay, it's because he's not verified.
Few seem to know about this little thing called THE 7 DEADLY Sins as this post /opinions abundantly shows......Probably not popular enough these days.
No, it's just a crock of s**t. No such thing as a sin. Sin is a fictional, man-made concept. Grow up.
Load More Replies...Wow, you mean God loves everyone and wants them to live healthy and happy, so God is "brain-dead liberal voter"? Sign me up for more God!
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