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The internet is definitely a unique thing. Sure, that sounds obvious, but what isn’t is the idea that it might empower very unlikely things to happen. Or more specifically, very unlikely things to be said. So unlikely that it might be the first ever occurrence out there.
Introducing r/BrandNewSentence, a community of netizens who scour the vast internetscapes for things that have never been said before. And if they’re not scouring, they are definitely the ones cashing in on that potential in themselves.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what makes the internet a unique thing.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Stick A Turkey Leg In A Sneaker And Your Dog Patrol Your Yard
primeline31 2 years ago
That's not a turkey leg. That's a cow leg bone. Turkey bones would break into sharp shards that can stab the dog internally!
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A Nelson 2 years ago
Better still, if you have a little chihuahua sitting there with that big ol turkey leg lol
CG 2 years ago
I joked with my mom that she should do that with her Boston Terriers.
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Mr. Nurse Man 2 years ago
Sweet baby Jesus, that’s gonna get someone a heart attack..but looks awesome. Is it bad that I’m cool with it though?
RELATED:
#2
Homie In Law
#3
“What R Ur Adjectives???”
Boop the Snoot. Pound the Paw. 2 years ago
Tired, hungry, and pi$&ed off, probably bc I’m tired and hungry
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So, as mentioned above, Brand New Sentence is an online community that aims to collect and showcase sentences that have never before been written. Ever. In human history. A bit of an exaggeration, mayhaps, but let your perception be the judge of that once you feast your eyes on the submissions found in this listicle. If anything, it will definitely give you some perspective on the things people think about on the regular. And if you’re that skeptically nihilistic, appreciate it for the expository writing.
#4
Ramirez Has Just Got The Parking Lot Frog
Boootifull Unicorn 2 years ago
she just needed something for Harry to do so she could write prose
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I agree. The better rule would be the game ends when the snitch is caught and the points from the match at that point would determine the winner. Basically use the snitch as a random timer
PattonPawter 2 years ago
isn’t that how the snitch works though? or are you just removing the “adds 150 points to the match” part?
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Cjay 2 years ago
My god I hate Croakers fans.. they are so toxic it’s crazy and Ramirez is overrated. The best Frogcatcher in the league is Reynolds and it’s not particularly close
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YTK 2 years ago
This just gave me an idea, get like ~25 guys in a parking lot, slap down a frog, and boom, new sport
Mermeow Overlord (they/them) 2 years ago
And the guys have to move like frogs.
Load More Replies... Mermeow Overlord (they/them) 2 years ago
They joked about the same thing in The Owl House with the rusty smidge.
Surfing Panda 2 years ago
Well... don't use a frog, but a dragonfly instead and suddenly it becomes more interesting.
#5
Pink Acid Trip That Feels Like Being Slapped By Lots Of Confusingly Attractive People
Stephanie A Mutti 2 years ago
"Confusingly attractive"... sounds like someone is discovering that they're gay.
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Deborah B 2 years ago
I mean, all of those descriptions make it sound more interesting than "Barbie doll movie"
laura lee 2 years ago
It's not a doll movie though, it's about the human condition
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Jared Robinson 2 years ago
"Pink Acid Trip That Feels Like Being Slapped By Lots Of Confusingly Attractive People." This makes me want to see the movie. already was gonna watch it with grandma now it sounds like it might be fun.
laura lee 2 years ago
It's great, if you have a sense of human and haven't been sheltered in a militia compound in Montana all your life
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#6
I Already Named My Switchblade Stabitha…
We once again return to the topic of human creativity with this one. Previously, we took a bit of a different approach—creativity was considered from the perspective of kids in our article on the best parenting tweets of October.
Creativity has many benefits—like, many—it supports mental growth, divergent thinking, development of sensory perception, verbal, coordination and attention skills, emotional intelligence and many other things. Like, many.
#7
Sketti Bowl Not Made Of Duck
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
Wikipedia says: "Lycopene is the pigment in tomato sauces that turns plastic cookware orange. It is insoluble in plain water, but it can be dissolved in organic solvents and oils. Because of its non-polarity, lycopene in food preparations will stain any sufficiently porous material, including most plastics. To remove this staining, the plastics may be soaked in a solution containing a small amount of chlorine bleach.[15] The bleach oxidizes the lycopene, thus allowing the product to dissolve."
les 2 years ago
or you could just use ducks, but i imagine it would be messy at the table
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Ally Marie 2 years ago
Put a few drops of dawn dish soap, couple paper towels folded, add warm water just enough to soak the paper towels plus a little extra, cover with lid and shake vigorously. This will get at least most of the stains out. Dawn works, you just gotta know how to use it.
KDav 2 years ago
The Fast Food Secrets guy did a video showing how to fix this that's better than using bleach. I just can't remember what the solution is.
Nadine Debard 2 years ago
Sodium hypochlorite plus water is a solution (chemist's joke)
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Lynette Hannan (Lyn) 2 years ago
If you let the spag sauce cool down to room temp before decanting into container, it won't stain even the cheapest of containers. Let the leftovers cool while you eat.
#8
Yeehaw High School
MirohLoome (he/she/they) 2 years ago
no you f*****g dont man i speak from experiance
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StretcherBearer 2 years ago
My high school had a rodeo club. They used to lasso people in the hall. Best thing about rodeo is the clowns and when the animals win.
Laura Williams 2 years ago
My husband told me about that. He said that so many people went hunting the school decided it wasn't worth opening the schools. I'm a navy brat been across most of u.s. Never been anywhere that this was a thing. Lol.
#9
The Forbidden Art Of Giving Crabs Knowledge
Bike Angel 2 years ago
Lest ye forget the hordes of vicious, violent crustaceans... Screenshot...e6-png.jpg 
#1 Candevil Fan 2 years ago
Stairdrac The Netherwatcher (your child) searched for teaching crabs to read and that's forbidden knowledge. WHY IS THAT YOUR KIDS NAME
mysterious(all pronouns) 2 years ago
I'm guessing Stairdrac the Netherwatcher got to choose their own username.
Load More Replies... Cristi nah 2 years ago
The Library of Forbidden Knowledge, with books of Teaching crabs how to read", "Cook tips for dogs" and "Astronomy for lettuces"
Skim Beebles 2 years ago
Honestly the books are *so* much better than their respective movie adaptations though. Except for Astronomy for Lettuces, that twist at the end that they added (spoiler alert) was incredible.
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PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT KINDA CRABS??
Load More Replies... Jared Robinson 2 years ago
Hey this is AI looking out. DO YOU WANT AN OLD GOD? Cause teaching crabs how to read is how you get an old god.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
Again? How many times do we have to beat the crabs back into submission before people learn?
Boootifull Unicorn 2 years ago (edited)
who knows what could happen if the children gain this sort of power and knowledge
the harbinger of doom (she/he) 2 years ago
the patriarchy knows that our crab overlords will rule the worl with knowledge
So, if we encourage human creativity in kids, they will most certainly develop a skill for it and will take it with them into adulthood. Heck, according to preschool teacher Kristen Varley, BPHE, RECE, adults can apply the same methods of creativity for themselves to learn to be creative. And the beauty of creativity is that it is limitless. As long as particular conditions are met, there is endless potential for creativity to be born. And endless potential for brand new sentences.
#10
That Good Ol Southern Drawl
Donkey boi 2 years ago
I feel that all parties can find this an acceptable statement, without any offense.
Frostfirefox919 2 years ago
Australian here: Can confirm- absolute and 100% aussie accent (as in complete occa go search it up correct spelling there) is most definitely a Texan accent for a British accent.
Mr. Nurse Man 2 years ago
I can’t keep an Australian accent when I am practicing. It always slips into what I’ve been told is more akin to Scottish. But then when I attempt Scottish, it’s extremely exaggerated like I’m a dwarf from World of Warcraft.
laura lee 2 years ago
Then you nailed it, everyone knows it's that or Groundskeeper Willie
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Paul Gerrard 2 years ago
Australian cant be heard by others. We say fnnnn at start or end of everything. Kiwis say youse and yeah bro.
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
Youse? Like the New York area??? AWESOME!!! Now I want to go to NZ even more
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BoredPossum 2 years ago
An aussie accent is just a totally laid back individual from any country, planet, or universe.
#11
Why NASA
Boootifull Unicorn 2 years ago (edited)
ah Americans, will use anything other than the metric system
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
Using objects people are familiar with as a way to illustrate size/weight makes it a lot easier to picture/imagine. Spare me the metric snobbery, this is how to explain something to readers.
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Do-nut touch da donut 2 years ago
5 bananas long meteor the weight of 35000 bananas hit the state the length of 150000 bananas
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LillieMean 2 years ago
Hi all, I translated this into comprehensible mathematical language. One newborn elephant weighs about 100 kg, so about 400 kg, and the corgi's height at the withers is about 25-30 cm. Unfortunately I'm bad at math so I don't know how much this does in bananas.
M O'Connell 2 years ago
I did the math on this several months ago. The assumption is based on a dense metallic meteor (I chose pure Nickel for ease of calculation) and the estimate holds true provided the baby elephants are Asian elephants. If they were African elephants it would be an especially portly Corgi.
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SilverSkyCloud 2 years ago
how can something be "corgi sized" but still be that heavy? wtf was it made out of?
Dan St John 2 years ago (edited)
The scariest part is, this came from NASA, they are supposed to be the smartest people we have. I think I would skip the next mission. How do they measure distance, furlongs per fortnight?
#12
Kansas Is Not Meant For Permanent Habitation
Lil Miss Hobbit 2 years ago
As someone from Kansas, I mostly agree. But...have ya'll ever laid on your back somewhere at night and it's so flat that you can see the Milky Way from horizon to horizon?
SilverSkyCloud 2 years ago
wasnt there that mass panic from LA when there was a power cut and they all thought the lights in the sky were from aliens? only for it to turn out those lights were stars
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Jeremy Bolanos 2 years ago
I spent 0-9 in Ventura County between the mountains and the ocean. Moved to Oklahoma for 10-18 and it was like living on a sheet of paper.
Annabeth Chase (she/her) 2 years ago
I lived in Nebraska for 6 years after living in California for 8. In California you can easily take a weekend trip to either the ocean or the mountains in either direction. In Nebraska most people have never seen either.
Isabel Care 2 years ago
Some of the children on Portsea Island have never seen the sea. It's not a big island and has short bridges to it (100metres or so)
The reasoning behind the limitlessness of creativity in humans is the potential for unique perspectives. Unlike artificial intelligence, which is limited by how much it has scraped off the internet, humans have the ability to break free from existing boundaries.
Keeping with the AI topic, lecturers Chloe Preece and Finola Kerrigan co-wrote a scholarly article on artistic brands where they elaborated that AI is consumer-centric and market-driven, whereas humans are self- and product driven.
#13
They Had To Blow Dry The Ultrasound Goo Off Her
Lily Robertson 2 years ago
I blow dried my hamster once and it looked like a tribble for three days. It was running into everything. Not a good hamster experience.
Terry Tobias 2 years ago
My dog runs into the bathroom whenever I blow dry my hair. He loves it so much and he gets that same look on his face when I turn the dryer on him.
martymcmatrix 2 years ago
I wanna see the ultrasound probe...wait, lemme get my glasses first... 🔎🔍
#14
Switching To Gender Evil
Featherking 2 years ago (edited)
Nah, I’ll remain in my neutral state. No gender ever picked a fight with me, I have no beef with any of them.
Susan Teter 2 years ago (edited)
Gender alive, as opposed to gender dead. I think that's pretty much self explanatory.
Mint Sauce 2 years ago
Life was so much simpler when there were two genders......Now there's a new gender popping up every other week....
TMoxraaaar 2 years ago
There was never just two genders - they were just quiet about it so they won't get killed. Simple doesn't mean right. You are just too lazy to figure it out.
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#15
What About Iceberg's Tears?
Lisa H 2 years ago
My highly immature mind does NOT think of water when I see "ol splashy"
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Bored something 2 years ago
There used to be a bottled water called that.
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This contrast explains how AI is not only technically, but also by design, limited in its capabilities. Humans, on the other hand, have goals and desires to drive action and creativity. Where AI only essentially does what it’s supposed to, humans can break free from that. In turn, humans strive for innovation or artistic expression, or just plain old achieving personal goals as it’s rooted in self-expression and self-fulfillment. And when you consider those, the sky’s the limit, as they say.
#16
Membership Only Human Trafficking Gentlemen’s Club Headquartered In Budapest
Lil Miss Hobbit 2 years ago
With flavors like "Iron Quest" but it smells like a fake Christmas tree
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Jared Robinson 2 years ago
X for EXTREME just like ELON MUSK IS EXTREME, He went to space but not just space, SPACE X because it's EXTREME!!!! this message brought to you by Elon musk spokesperson for fboys everywhere. EXTREME!!!!
#17
If You Whacked Me With A Ford Explorer
Not_Today_Batman 2 years ago
I'm sorry then what is a cockroach? I can hit it with a car and it still lives.
N.C. O'Brien 2 years ago
It is possible to be fragile and strong at the same time. Nature shows us that with the spiders web
Kyllein MacKellerann 2 years ago
That's because spiders are less vain than humans, "Oh, my hair is messed up! Ahhh, I die!"
#18
Umm..no?
Laura Williams 2 years ago
I will gladly admit, I avoid anything chunky in my drinks except ice.
Creativity is considered a tendency to generate or recognize ideas and possibilities that might just make that one problem solvable. It can also be used for the fun of it.
To be creative means to be able to see things differently, in a new way. It’s like taking two unlikely things and putting them together—but the catch is you need to have experienced these two things in order to merge them. It doesn’t have to be two, it can be more, and it doesn’t have to be tangible either. But the fact is that it’s generating something new based on something else.
#19
What In The French
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
how did you know that when I said "those people" I meant the french.
Der Kommissar 2 years ago
some people (not me) call them cheese-eating surrender monkeys. I tell them that without the help of General Lafayette, the American rebels would have never defeated the British
JessieJ&LilyLovebug 2 years ago (edited)
I tell them the same. There's a reason so many towns/cities in the U.S. are named after General Lafayette.
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Marcos Valencia 2 years ago (edited)
I went to France last July, and tried to treat everybody as if they were'nt French at all.
Laura Williams 2 years ago
I have bipolar disorder you can call me crazy unless you have the I'm better than you attitude.
Terry Tobias 2 years ago
I am definitely crazy too. It's better than saying I'm "bipolar disordered'.
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BrownTabby 2 years ago
I hope I experienced enough Japaneseness to get an A in my translation exam the other day.
Violet Smith 2 years ago
Michael Caine, quoted/paraphrased from the movie Goldmember: "There's two things I hate: racial intolerance, and the Dutch."
#20
Tom & Jerry Irl
Nikole 2 years ago
My roommate and I did that in college when we had a mouse in the house. We didn’t put water in the bucket though because we’re not monsters.
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Jared Robinson 2 years ago
lol, you don't wanna see the ideas I've gotten from Wile E. Coyote.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
Funny you should mention that a road runner can only run 26mph where as a coyote can run at 40mph. Why hasn't Wile E Coyote caught him yet? Is the Road Runner on a mix of speed and steroids?
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Paul McLane 2 years ago
I did that almost exactly to catch a mouse in 1991. But it was a tall kitchen trash can and a yard stick. And yes, it worked. I took him out into the woods and sent him on his merry way.
Elizabeth Butler 2 years ago
If the plank falls in the water along with the rat, it will stick up out of the water and provide a ladder out of the trap.
#21
What A Guy
Do-nut touch da donut 2 years ago
Causing the elevators to get stuck... i think? Could be murder for all i know!!
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Upstaged75 2 years ago
My 8 year old nephew would have climbed around the elevator car like Spiderman if he'd been trapped. Or tried to juggle his shoes. Homework would never even occur to him! :)
rapid unscheduled disassembly 2 years ago
Must be a firstborn. My first kid would totally do this, too.
Fire Singer 2 years ago
As a youngest of four I can guarantee I would not have done that, but my oldest sibling would have lol!
Load More Replies... Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
Have you ever been so bored at work you start doing your job? Same vibes
Catherine Maven 2 years ago
... how are they so SURE that he was "innocent"? If it was one of my brothers, he probably BROKE the MF elevator in the first place ... then did homework so no one would suspect him.
Considering all of this, the internet and all of its niche content goodness should not come as a surprise. It’s this sort of mixing and matching that seems to work well on the internet.
Doubt that? Humans for Scale, Tweets of Cats, People Standing—these are just a few of the numerous pages with concepts that equal to put this very regular thing with this very regular thing to create something very unorthodox. This is what the internet thrives on.
#22
Why Would The Robot Do This
majandess 2 years ago
Here's the source article in case anyone wants to read about it. I love that the emergency alert buttons weren't hooked up to anything. https://metro.co.uk/2019/10/04/police-robot-told-woman-go-away-tried-report-crime-sang-song-10864648/
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Deborah B 2 years ago
It's basicly a police roomba. And about as effective as you'd expect. I'm surprised no one has put a trash bag over the pointy head, or experimented to see if it gets stuck in a hula hoop.
Upstaged75 2 years ago
Fortunately for the robot it's not in the US or that would have already happened.
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The Original Bruno 2 years ago
🎶 Bad boys, bad boys, whucha gunna do? whucha gunna do when dey come foh you 🎶 (Don't blame me, I never watched the show. I just watched the Simpsons.)
#23
Too Late For Vito Though
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
They're going to make you a FABULOUS deal that you TOTALLY can't refuse honey.
Chewie Baron 2 years ago
That or you’ll wake up with a Dream World head in your bed.
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martymcmatrix 2 years ago
...am I as good as dead now? Let's see who's gonna get the sissy reference, first...🧐
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Edgar Rops 2 years ago
Well, if he is a drag queen, that means he is good with disguises and we have a heist lined up...
#24
Lesbian Penguins Are So Progressive
Nerenahd Dhaneren 2 years ago
How did they prove it? Did they manage to take care of a plant for a month?
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
They filled in the adoption forms and had multiple visits from child care services
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Veronica Thomas Hickie 2 years ago
that should be for any parent, test them out first, i do not think most of us would have passed do
Emma B B 2 years ago
There is a local wildlife park near to me (Wingham wildlife park) where they have a set of gay penguins. The boys have been together for about 8 years and raised a couple of chicks given to them. They were very depressed a couple of years ago as a donated egg failed to hatch so they believed they'd done something wrong :( They are hoping to start them parenting again next year.
Randy Klefbeck 2 years ago
Everyone in my oceanography class in the early 1980s thought I was high when I told them about lesbian seagulls.
And, honestly, the weirder it is, the better. Remember? People have an uncanny tendency to like weird, gross and even scary things. Because evolution.
From an evolutionary standpoint, this attraction to all things macabre, morbid and monstrous feeds our survival instincts—it’s an attention bias towards otherwise averse things that keeps us on our toes and well equipped to face potential threats. By proxy, it also works well to draw your attention, putting you on the train to Scroll Town.
#25
New For All Of Use + Meme
Upstaged75 2 years ago (edited)
The hippo spit the kid out (he was only partially swallowed) because some guy threw rocks at it: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2022/12/16/hippo-swallows-boy-uganda-africa/10908725002/
TMoxraaaar 2 years ago
Kittens give Morbo gas - maybe children are the same. By the way - do we mean a human child or a baby goat?
#26
Burger Looking Like Steve Harvey
james stevenson 1 year ago
just read "a nelson"s comment. not everyone is american and those of us who aren't are definitely NOT missing out.
#27
Coffee Cat Detonates Atomic Bomb
Now, sure, weird and disgusting things abuse our evolutionary traits for views, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. There’s this thing called benign masochism—the tendency to seek out things that one would consider negative because there’s pleasure to be had in constrained risks. You know, riding roller coasters or abusing your body with spicy food.
#28
Wait Until You See How Pineapple Grows!
martymcmatrix 2 years ago
Bamboo torture stuff? The evil brother of sokushinbutsu (self-mummyfication)??? 🕵🏽
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Adam Belaire 2 years ago
You can thank Dr. Alphonse Mephesto for how asparagus grows. He wanted to make sure it has a more pleasant appearance at the supermarket.
Der Kommissar 2 years ago
I wish he could have done something about the asparagus/urine issue
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The Scout 2 years ago
Always remind sme of the infamous "spaghetti tree" "documentary" from the BBC in 1957... (source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghetti-tree_hoax)
funkybluegirl 2 years ago (edited)
The spaghetti tree April fool's story, is one of my favorite things ever!! **EDITED to add a link to the 3 minute BBC video: https://youtu.be/tVo_wkxH9dU?si=9is7B0eEbCa5bsYn
Load More Replies... funkybluegirl 2 years ago (edited)
Same for pineapples, imo. https://images.app.goo.gl/aBJRN64CxyX4dS1W8 **EDITED to add link **
sadmrguna 2 years ago
If you want something even more absurd, google "how is white asparagus grown".
LillieMean 2 years ago
No, everyone knows they are the flowers of the asparagus tree. We only eat the inside and not the petals.
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#29
Is Refusing To Speak After Being Detained
Beck 2 years ago
So there was this guy a town over about 2 years ago. He was making meth and had a wild pet squirrel. I think it but the cops? Can't really remember. But I know it hit the woods after the cops came.
Beck 2 years ago
Nevermind I looked it up. "meth fueled attack squirrel". And after the guy got out of jail he whistled for it and it came home!
Load More Replies... #30
Bisexual Cowboy From A Hypothetical Timeline Where The Wild West Is In France
Susie Elle 2 years ago (edited)
I mean in The Netherlands nobody would really be surprised, so you do you. In my hometown there's a Jamaican man who only wears cartoon-themed tuxedos, another guy who only wears 80's inspired gym clothes and a lady that has everything C O V E R E D in little fake flowers, so much so that she now resembles a moving pile of flowers. Bless 'em.
OWL ON A MISSION 2 years ago
Sounds like your hometown is the place to be!
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Quinn 2 years ago
Cowboys from the Wild West in France: "The only guns you'll find on us is in our shirt sleeves or in our pants."
So, this is the point where we invite you to stretch your creativity muscles and talk about something that’s totally brand new in the comment section below. But if that’s not your forte, leave us an upvote and move on to your next adventure. It can also be the same type of adventure as brand new sentences are a recurring topic on Bored Panda.
#31
If Only They’d Had Some Indication…
Strawberry Pizza 2 years ago
I voted for the Lions Eating Faces Party - I didn't think they'd eat MY face!
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
The place is called ชายหาดโจมตีลิง which translates to Monkey Attack Beach
Crybabyartist 2 years ago
Anyone stupid enough to think they're going to "fight" a monkey, better have the trauma team on standby for when they get their face ripped off. I know you were kidding and it was funny but just had to say, you ain't winning in a monkey fight.
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Sooploosh MacSchnibble 2 years ago
"History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man"
#32
I Must
Flamingo Croquet 2 years ago
I'd rather have a bad book in my bookshelves than a bomb dropped on my house, so... not a bad development, I guess?
MirohLoome (he/she/they) 2 years ago
WHATS THE SERIES CALLED I NEED TO READ THE GAY VAMPIRE FICTION NOW
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
Recently watched a biographics vid on President Grant, he was a much better man than history would have you believe.
TMoxraaaar 2 years ago
Grant was the only president with the guts to go against the military rules requiring church attendance. I'm not surprised his line is progressive.
Stannous Flouride 2 years ago
Grant's son was a terrible businessman and the ex-President spent years paying off his bad debts.
SammyLawrence27 2 years ago
Hey, my family is related to Grant too! He looks a lot like my dad, lol
#33
Haven’t Heard Any Of This Uttered Before & I Love This For Her…
BatPhace 2 years ago
The frontal lobe of the brain is responsible for weighing consequences and decision making among other things, and it doesn't really come into its own until mid 20s in the average human, as evidenced by the poor decision making by a lot of teens and youngish adults. Some people out grow it and learn stuff and some don't 🤣
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Terry Tobias 2 years ago
Mine is defective and I wanted to send it back but they said no returns.
Load More Replies... JessieJ&LilyLovebug 2 years ago
This isn't entirely untrue...it does take that long for the frontal lobe to fully develop.
#34
Air Dropped Wolves. That Is All
Kyllein MacKellerann 2 years ago
I wonder if they howl "Geronimo!" when they jump out of the plane?
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Random Archetypes 2 years ago
"We will be safe here little timmy, eat your grass- IS THAT A FLYING WOLF"
#35
Put Your Fingers In The Public Balls
VonBlade 2 years ago
What you and Private Balls do in the comfort of the barracks is entirely up to you. Don't ask, don't tell.
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Camber Hollywood 2 years ago
It's always problematic when you have to stick your fingers in the public balls.
Kyllein MacKellerann 2 years ago
She should have known where his hands had been...unless he takes off his arms and hides them.
#36
We're Living In The Matrix 😎
iseefractals 2 years ago
Well then, why don't you start growing some food and handing it out for free? Sure, it's back breaking labor that requires an immense investment of time, money, knowledge and resources to grow enough food to sustain a few hundred people....to say nothing of the energy and material costs to process, preserve and distribute that food.....but who cares bout that, right? These people, much like you, didn't "ask to be here" but for some reason they're entitled to your time, labor and skills....for free! Meanwhile, cashiers somehow feel they're entitled to a 15/20/30% tip for performing the duties of the job they're already paid to do. But i'm sure that's totally different. For reasons. Real ones i bet.
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www.hossein80623@gmail.com 2 years ago (edited)
It was dark, comfortable and moist, suddenly I saw a light at the end of a tunnel and realized I'm being pushed towards the light and then pulled from the dark, I resisted but no avail and I was born. Curse that day
Load More Replies... CP 2 years ago (edited)
I said it before and I will say it again. Tesla being worth more than every other car company combined shows what a joke the economy is.
Temporary Dork 2 years ago
No that's the stock market. The other car companies are the economy.
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#37
Y’all Out Here Being Able To Smell Ants???
Inella 2 years ago
I can smell worms when they come out during rainstorms, and after as well. It’s not the rain smell or the wet ground. I can’t describe it, I just know I only smell it when they’re out.
John Carr 2 years ago
I can smell when it's going to rain. It's not really much use as I live in Ireland and it rains about 362 days a year.
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PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
The really old ones are the most aromatic :-/
Load More Replies... Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I can smell the weather before it changes and I can also smell electricity
Min 2 years ago
I can smell both of those, but I feel like y'all are fùcking with me trying to say ants have a smell.
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Flora Wolfe 2 years ago
I can't smell ants, but I can smell rain coming? Also, cilantro does not taste like soap to me, but sometimes coffee does?
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
I can echo your whole thing. The coffee thing for me seems to be when my perk pot not rinsed out enough. Also, I can smell many chemicals, oils, and foods at concentrations between a few ppm and a few ppb, depending on which. Like ethylene glycol antifreeze, VERY sharp smell to me, just a little vapor will do it. Any similarities?
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Kyllein MacKellerann 2 years ago
I wonder what the ants think? "Oh nuts, its that perv again coming to sniff..."
#38
Being Medium Ugly Is Lit
Jane Hower 2 years ago
I'm sassy enough to know I'm special, but humble enough to know I'm replacrable.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
I've always been perfectly comfortable with the fact that I will probably not be the prettiest woman in the room, but I will most certainly not be the ugliest either.
#39
Gay Ukranian Super Soldiers
MotherofGuineaPigs 2 years ago
Being a Supersoldier, defeating Russians and looking fab-u-lous
Mike Fitzpatrick 2 years ago
So to take that a step further, does that mean that a bunch of gay people are capturing Russian artillery and chasing them back home? Just curious.
Load More Replies... Robert Millar 2 years ago
I have applied for a job as"Putin's Adviser" because I too have a lot of far-out stupid things to say, but I'm not holding my breath.
Steve Hall 2 years ago
If you can't brainwash people to not be gay, I'm pretty sure you can't brainwash them to be gay. The US government has tried.
Marcos Valencia 2 years ago
Not gay or Ukrainian, but superpowers could be useful. Where can I opt in?
Katy McMouse 2 years ago
My son saw this and said they got it wrong. According to him (my gay son, so don't downvote me please) "They should of phrased it 'thuuupeeer!' ".
#40
9/11 Is Directly Responsible For 50 Shades Of Grey
BrownTabby 2 years ago (edited)
So Bin Laden committed a further-reaching act of terrorism against America
Chewie Baron 2 years ago
Not necessarily America. The woman who wrote 50 Shades is British.
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Flora Wolfe 2 years ago
So, super conservative men in another country were directly responsible for BDSM growing in popularity? Talk about a butterfly effect. I hope everyone who died in the attacks rest in peace. I remember the attacks. That day I had a strong feeling something bad was going to happen, so I refused to leave the house. A few hours later, the events unfolded. A senseless tragedy. Of course, the wars resulting from that were also a tragedy. When will people learn to at least tolerate each other?
Cyber Returns 2 years ago (edited)
My Chemical Romance become active in 2001... the same year as the WTC got knocked down? Wow! You learn something new every day don't you
#41
"Now That You Got Legs"
BrownTabby 2 years ago
I just googled it and supposedly it’s set during a time and place where there was lots and lots of “come pick cotton n*****” going on, but the movie just glosses over that. Not agreeing or disagreeing, just reporting what happened.
Lexekon 2 years ago
I am sorry, but it feels mindlessly obsessed that some people want everyone with a certain skin tone to only promote an obsolete crime, in a country where it was not even practiced in living memory.
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Cora Han 2 years ago
It's a fantasy movie about a f***ing MERMAID! How historically accurate does it need to be?!
ShellsBells 2 years ago
Idk, I was pretty upset when I went fishing and saw a flounder. In no way, shape, or form does Flounder in the Little Mermaid represent a real flounder. I'm still haunted to this day. I'm also quite cautious of falling pianos/anvils. /s.
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Natalie H 2 years ago
Sooo, they’re saying she shouldn’t have gotten the starring role to play a mermaid in a ‘certain time period’ because she’s black?? How does her playing a role in a movie erase slavery? Why can’t people just stfu & enjoy a gotdang mermaid movie? Jesus Christ.
Aboredpanda 2 years ago (edited)
I haven't seen it, but Ariel lives in a fictive universe and not in the USA. Also she's Danish originally so wouldn't have been near that culture... This makes me think I shouldn't watch the live action...
Kevin Ber 2 years ago
Why would anyone throw in slavery into a perfectly good Mermaid story for kids. It's all pretend, can't children stories pretend that slavery didn't exist, they do that with crooked teeth, uncombed unwashed hair, blemished skin, lack of running water, no horse doo doo on the streets, early childhood mortality, and other brutal things humans had to deal with hundreds of years ago. I mean if you can ignore the fact that a Mermaid has to go to the bathroom in the ocean, you have permission to gloss over slavery.
Keira Pendragon 2 years ago
The little mermaid is set in a world with literal mermaids... Clearly it's an alternate universe. And what is with people trying to cling to and enforce the retention of s****y historical b******t on stories resembling vaguely historical settings? Just because in OUR timeline everyone was horrid to each other doesn't mean we can't imagine a world where that never happened. It's understandable if you're doing a literal historical film based on real actual events, but this is a movie about a friggen mermaid, With Magic that can create storms, give a mermaid legs, and turn an octo sea witch into a mountain sized threat. This is Not Real Historical Earth!!!
Hans Georg 2 years ago
Who cares if she is black or white. What I want to know is, does she lay eggs or not.
#42
He Started Trying To Look 18 Again By Drinking His Son's Blood
[>.<]/ 2 years ago
Not drinking, but injecting it. It's called blooddoping.
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TheAmericanAmerican 2 years ago
Literally millions of Americans cannot afford healthcare while we have the billionaires doing THIS? Can we just tax the billionaires out of existence already??
rapid unscheduled disassembly 2 years ago
He does a lot more than drink his kid's blood (hope he also pays for his kid's future therapy bill). he takes upward of 100 pills a day and has an extreme exercise and diet regimen. D'Angelo Wallace on YT did a good video breakdown of this guy recently that I recommend.
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
...and still looks older than when he started
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Bogdan Chelariu 2 years ago
I've seen some articles about that. He did not drink his son's blood, but got daily injections with said blood as he thinks it will actually keep him looking younger for longer.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
A billionaire drinking the blood of others? Now no longer just a metaphor.
#43
Pregnant Hands
rapid unscheduled disassembly 2 years ago
and ESPECIALLY this man. He who yells the loudest is also guilty.
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Boootifull Unicorn 2 years ago
anyone else think about little hand babies for a disturbingly long time
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
Now look at his hat. His head is pregnant... think about that for a minute
Dan Flo 2 years ago
Maybe he had f@#ked up thoughts so his head got pregnant?
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Eric Williams 2 years ago (edited)
This is the problem with Islam, Christianity, etc. Dipshits like this making stuff up and peddling it as truth.
Kyllein MacKellerann 2 years ago
Face it: Religion is just not safe for work...or home...or family,,,
#44
On That Genderbent Andrew Tate Mentality
Lexekon 2 years ago
Andrew summed it up perfectly. The belief we are licensed to be that awful to people who love us is an unnecessary burden to society.
WalterWhiteSavannah 2 years ago
This confused me for a second too. Had to scroll back to realize there was an Andrew in the tweets.
Load More Replies... Marcos Valencia 2 years ago
This reasoning is like when I'm on a diet and find every kind of excuses for a donut.
Maartje 2 years ago (edited)
I understand it , wish I didn't, and I approve of you not understanding it.
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#45
Anyone Hiring?
#46
Wtf
Multa Nocte 2 years ago
Did HE die or did his testicles? We need more info. Wait, no we don't.
RiotGirl 2 years ago
Ask and ye shall recieve. She grabbed him by the testicle and began to drag him around. He collapsed and he died.
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Just-4-2day 2 years ago
https://www.ghanaweb.com/region/managinggh/Female-tenant-arrested-for-squeezing-landlord-s-testicles-to-death-over-electricity-bill-69227 According to the article, she grasped the landlord's privates during the argument and had been dragging him along by it. The landlord collapsed and was taken to the hospital where he was pronounced dead.
Charlie Alejandro 2 years ago
geez I have questions never mind the imagined visual was awful enough lol
#47
Like A Centaur That Got Chopped In Half
Firstname Lastname 2 years ago
I feel like if she were to try to lie down on her back, er butt, she could be used as a teeter totter.
sllewji 2 years ago
If she was to lay on her front at the beach, she could double as a bike rack.
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
Apparently some fake doctors have even injected cement into women seeking this on the cheap
Load More Replies... #48
$200 Million Suicide Shawarma
Druklet 2 years ago
This was a poorly thought out sculpture/building in New York. I would recommend this video on the topic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw3256SkN0k
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rapid unscheduled disassembly 2 years ago
Ask a Mortician on YouTube did a good video on this.
Isabel Care 2 years ago
Needs large glass barriers, light show to turn it into night time Turkish lamp and SLIDES to get down from the top. Also attendants to take wheelchairs and buggies back down for us
#49
Eight Clams
Astrophile 2 years ago
“These biological systems are comprised of eight mussels with sensors hot-glued to their shells. They work together with a network of computers and have been given control over the city’s water supply. If the waters are clean, these mussels stay open and happy. But when water quality drops too low, they close off and shut the water supply of millions of people with them.“
Andrew Bellas 2 years ago
You mean Poznan, Poland.....in America? Did you even go to school?
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#50
Whole New Meaning To Fence-Sitting…
Nacho Man Sandy Ravage 2 years ago
It would no longer gave her an Eiffel and she took of-fence
DB 2 years ago
Because once you go picket you don't... I don't know. I got nothing to work with here.
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago (edited)
Once you go picket you gotta stickit
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#51
Kirby Has No Ankles Because The Goddess Athena Saw What Became Of Achilles
Karmageddon 2 years ago
Because walking like a 50's robots is sure to slay your enemies(with laughter!)
#52
Permanent What Now?
Nerenahd Dhaneren 2 years ago
Well, it's kind of fitting this spider would choose the bananas.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago (edited)
It's a Brazilian wandering spider. I saw a comment somewhere that said 'Spiderman would have been a very different story'
Spooky Demon Bat (they/them) 2 years ago
Those are so scary!! They actually go after people guess I"m not ever going to Brazil lmao
Load More Replies... Karmageddon 2 years ago
In other news, frustrated women are buying bananas for their boyfriends in record numbers.
#53
Mum Holds Back Happy Tears After Her Paralysed Son Gets Taken To A Brothel
John Carr 2 years ago
In The Netherlands you have sex care workers. They help physically or mentally ill people have some sort of sex life. And they are not classed as prostitutes.
Sarah Suelzle 2 years ago
Ssssoooo .... I need to move to the Netherlands.
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Page Herr 2 years ago
They should probably focus on the root cause of their depression and loneliness instead of getting laid
Load More Replies... #54
“Ethically Sourced Child’s Spine”
Minus One Marble 2 years ago
Apparently, the bag is a one off item. The "artist" (using the term very loosely) visits tribes and trades items with them. This is how he obtained the poor child's spine. Disgusting in my opinion, but humans continue to surprise me.
James Howell 2 years ago
And I thought that humans couldn't go down any further....I'm damaged for life.
#55
Youtuber Denies Grooming Allegations In Lengthy Ukelele Video
Oais Wright 2 years ago
She played in A minor, literally the thing her allegations are about. (Stolen joke from somewhere else)
gremlin-king 2 years ago
'''the only thing ive ever gr00m3d were my two persian cats, not a gr00m3r, just a loser.'' - miranda
#56
I'm At A Loss For Words Here
Aboredpanda 2 years ago (edited)
😂 Come to Europe. People might not be gallivanting around having forest-sex, but at least it's not illegal. And no enormous naked hairy men in your business.
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
Enormous hairy women instead? Sounds good
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#57
Wtf Am I Reading?
#58
My Toenails Fell Out And She Divorced Me 2 Years Later
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
She sounds like someone I wouldn't warn first... and include toenails like a funfetti cake
Load More Replies... Jared Robinson 2 years ago
Marathons are highly f*****g dangerous. The human body is not meant to be pushed to extremes.
#59
Modern Problems Requiers Modern Solutions
HelluvaHedgehogAlien 2 years ago (edited)
文豪ストレイドッグスcharacters! Finally, anime characters I can recognize Edit: I think this post is scripted because of the character ship (? because I don’t read the comics or the anime, my friend does)
#60
What A Time To Be Alive
ShellsBells 2 years ago
Jaron Jones went to prison at 18 for murder and attempted murder and is serving 70 years. Somehow, in prison, in California, he has a Tiktok account and he makes videos of himself cooking in his cell. He has over 1.5 million likes.
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Christof Irran 2 years ago
Perhaps I could eventually make friends with the concept of him cooking 'beef' in prison, as long as there weren't any body parts missing from the murdered family...
#61
I... I Don't Even Know What To Say
Boootifull Unicorn 2 years ago
yes but that made sense, tho personally i'm getting more highway man
Quinn 2 years ago
I'm getting more Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
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#63
"Flesh Ledges"
Strawberry Pizza 2 years ago
I've got those from when my braces repeatedly cut lines through the inside of my cheeks
Star the Furry Therian! 2 years ago
I do this... O-o I have scars in my mouth from doing this unconsciously, and I've stopped mostly unless I'm under severe pressure.
#64
Easy Mistake To Make, Looked Just Like Her Lesbian Nana
Donkey boi 2 years ago
This same officer was filmed freaking out and pepper spraying random people while her colleagues just stood by and did nothing.
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
That.... says it all... and sadly much much more
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#65
This Is The Chipotle Where Thomas Paine Wrote Common Sense
#66
This Guy Obviously Failed Anatomy
mary campbell 2 years ago
As he obviously talks out of his a** we should give him a tampon. Can't talk with his mouth full.
Donkey boi 2 years ago
'I can't tonight, darling. I'm worn out from wearing tampons all week!'
#67
I Have So Many Questions
#68
Sims 4 Eugenics (Guilty)
Flora Wolfe 2 years ago
I once made a house in Sims (can't remember the version) and kept moving families in and killing them and hid their gravestones around the house. I then made a room with no windows and made the family go in with just enough room to stand, closed off the room and let them all die, then moved another family in. Probably the most haunted Sims house ever. I also once picked one Sim to be abducted by aliens over and over and over and over again.
TotallyNOTAFox 2 years ago
Not to mention the deforestation in Animal Crossing - the own Island is a paradise while every other onw looks like the Bikini Atoll in the 50's
#69
Emotional Support Stripper
BrownTabby 2 years ago
I guess it’s better than the horrific nonconsensual “emotional support stripping” that happened in WW2.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
"The soldiers told me I made their whole day. Later that night, they surprised me and it made my hole weak"
#70
It’s Such A Femboy Language
Monstarr the Divisive 2 years ago
Yeah, yeah, yeah it's all just omlette du fromage and Le b******t until le foreign legion comes to say BONJOUR
BrownTabby 2 years ago
Talk to the people experiencing Haitianness and the people experiencing certain types of Africanness.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
"Ah weel beech slap you ays so hayrd that you eldist bruthur weel be aburtid!"
Szzone 2 years ago (edited)
You do realize that under Napoleon they conquered half of Europe? That's on top of the more than two millenia of military history that they went through, starting with the Gauls, then the Romans, Franks, and the number of kingdoms and principalities that coalesced into France. Basically all of the ancestor cultures that made up future France were warrior cultures in their time.
Restless panda 🇫🇮 2 years ago
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
#71
"I Only Fear Bts Stans, No One Else"
Silver5trike 2 years ago
Honestly he's right to fear ARMYs... Even looking from the inside the fandom is terrifying...
#72
The Mister Is Covering The Beast
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
Old habits... he probably couldn't see it for a long long time
#73
Yeah, This Will Probably Be A Mature Conversation
BrownTabby 2 years ago
As someone whose second language literally has boy grammar and girl grammar, I’m going to assume that this person’s language has at least one feature that would make this person a flaming hypocrite.
Sweetie Dahling 2 years ago
The You're Wrong About podcast has a really interesting episode on the "Ebonics controversy" where they also discuss the linguistic properties of AAE. It was definitely very eye-opening! (Am not from the US)
Tired Panda 2 years ago
As an English speaking person, I don't understand that either. When my youngest texts on social media I don't understand it either. But I'm old.
Tarik Dursun Zorgulen 2 years ago
Well, I get that difficulty as well sometimes. To be precise I also have difficulty understanding teenage talk sometimes as well. To be even more precise, sometimes I can't figure out what gen Z is talking about either. To be extremely precise .. Well, sometimes you just can't understand what was not included in textbooks when learning English. That does not constitutes to a problem with the speaker/writer, just shows that I need to lean more. And, all things aside, English is a weird, made up language not even native speakers can agree on how to speak. So who am I to conquer it all if British have difficulty understanding some American slang, or worse yet, even within the US north and south have different words for same stuff let alone how they spell the same words differently. Man... I'll never properly learn English. My only consolation is, neither native speakers :D
Flamingo Croquet 2 years ago (edited)
Yes. Yes, you are. Edit to the downvoters: I get that some people dislike slang. But if you only dislike African Americans who use slang, let me repeat: yes, this is racist. What the hell...
#74
Well There's This
Violet Jensen 2 years ago
Yeah this game is bizarre. It’s one of the best games I’ve played though, avoiding that scene so hard that said Druid disappeared somehow
#75
The Invisible Tentacles Of The Free Market Will Save The Rich Wet Man
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
Let the tentacles have their wicked way with the Rich Wet Man and put the video on the internet
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
https://www.sportskeeda.com/pop-culture/news-the-world-woke-5-rich-people-netizens-outrages-titanic-submarine-garners-attention-greek-boat-tragedy
Load More Replies... #76
"...dressed As A Power Line From The Goofy Movie."
OWL ON A MISSION 2 years ago
https://ew.com/movies/holes-star-khleo-thomas-wins-mortal-kombat-tournament-in-goofy-movie-costume/
Alexej Dvorak 2 years ago (edited)
Oh BP, wish you had one or two professional editors.. Powerline is a character from the movie. He's not dressed as "a powerline". Who'd be his sidekick? Sewage Pipe?
Neb 2 years ago
They quoted the screenshot. Not sure what editors has to do with it.
Load More Replies... #77
Yeah
TotallyNOTAFox 2 years ago
Typical Blizzard move, everytime the s**t they do gets public they release a press note about representation
Maartje 2 years ago
https://win.gg/news/blizzard-employee-who-stole-breast-milk-may-have-been-found/
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Oais Wright 2 years ago (edited)
Yup. Blizzard at its finest. I think there's even more of those charges, most connected to Higher-ups
#78
I Don’t Think Anyones Done This Before
Flora Wolfe 2 years ago
I don't know why, but, the mental image of people going around to historical graves just to twerk over them popped in my head. Has anyone ever done this?
#79
It Just Gets Worse With Every Word
BrownTabby 2 years ago
So basically if you’re a greedy billionaire, even your stepson won’t give a damn if you die? This sounds like a cautionary tale, but we should probably vaporise Tr*mp, M*sk and B*zos to test this theory.
over it already 2 years ago
For science, right? (Social science is a valid science imo.)
Load More Replies... Christof Irran 2 years ago
"... pleading for prayers" I tell you folks, this affair used up my entire supply of Thoughts-and-Prayers Suppositories; you know, the kind that leaves no doubt as to where you can stick your thoughts and prayers.
#80
Pokemon Is Too Powerful
DB 2 years ago
Making fun of one geek culture by quoting another geek culture. makes sense to me.
Load More Replies... Star the Furry Therian! 2 years ago
ew! Furries do not do that! The sexual ones aren't in the fandom! Some excluded groups are P3dos, z00s, s3xualised artists and p**n stuff. Plus anyone who does anything weird, s3xual or inappropriate in fursuit. FURRIES ARE CREATIVE AND KIND PEOPLE WHO KNOW THEY ARE HUMAN, DON'T WISH TO BE ANIMALS OR DO ANYTHING AWFUL. The so-called "furries" who do weird stuff aren't actually furries. The furry community is full of creative people who make fursuits as a hobby, to cheer people up and to raise money. Furries have raised a LOT of money for su1c1de prevention charities, foundations to cure cancer, help sick kids and build more hospitals and care items to help people in need. Honestly, people, stop believing the sh*t haters tell you. Do research before hating on happy and creative people.
#81
I Got Nothing
Sooploosh MacSchnibble 2 years ago
Skibidi toilet is this youtube Gmod thing. It features the man from Half Life's head poking out of a toilet and there's like armies of them or whatever.
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Scarlett 2 years ago
It was a saga on TikTok of a battle between toilets with heads in them and camera men with camera’s for heads. I was very bored during my senior year of high school.
Load More Replies... Duvet Woman 2 years ago
To be honest I've been having the are you just saying random words thought for the last half of this list. I feel so old.
Dillon Sizemore 2 years ago
GMod= Gary's Mod a sandbox video game. No earthly clue on the skibidi toilet.
Edward Monks 2 years ago
ugh, i hate that i have a vauge idea of what this is, i fell down some internet ishtty rabbit hole the other day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WePNs-G7puA
#82
A Lot To Digest Here
Book Nerd (she/her) 2 years ago
How did she get treated?? I live under a rock.
Load More Replies... Mike Fitzpatrick 2 years ago
Something makes me think her "body aches" are mainly due to a halfassed rapper.
#83
Snow Chungus
Dillon Sizemore 2 years ago
It's the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. Both of these characters where like 10-12 and this is the guy (Erwin if irc)fantasizing about getting the girl in the future. Problem is Mandy is eviler then the devil and he's a wimp and geek so imagining himself buff, ok I get that but she wasn't fat soooooo someone in writing may have shown to much or had a real good laugh maybe both.
Alexej Dvorak 2 years ago
So, regardless of the background of the characters, why wouldn't a buff guy be into a chubby girl? That's so stupid.
I'm.Just.A.Girl 2 years ago
I think they are playing a the stereotype that black men like bigger women, because she wasn't fat in the show. For the record, I don't follow stereotypes.. it's just the way I saw it. It's sad and pathetic to push stereotypes on children.
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What do you think ?
DB 2 years ago
So if I have to use google to figure out what most of these mean then they're not funny.
Mike Fitzpatrick 2 years ago
This is quite possibly the weirdest post I've seen on BP thus far.
DB 2 years ago
So if I have to use google to figure out what most of these mean then they're not funny.
Mike Fitzpatrick 2 years ago
This is quite possibly the weirdest post I've seen on BP thus far.
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